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May 31, 2014

Testing the Rules

Dear Ed:

I felt excited to be back in the Austin Tribe and as I am driving to the meeting - there is an accident on the road and traffic is backed up. I feel anxiety as I do not want to be late. I resort to driving in exit lanes and at the last minute cutting into the regular lane.

I have noticed that I there is always a "gap" in the regular lane at the right time, so I do not feel this is dangerous. At the same time, I wonder if I am abusing traffic rules. I feel the need to not be bound by rules but I also am conditional to follow the law - so resort to pushing the rules to the limit possible without breaking the law.

My father used to do this. I remember my father used to be always late going to the airport. However, he had many workarounds. The airline caterer was a good friend of his. He would call his friend up and ask him to delay the catering so that the flight would be delayed and he would not miss it. He even had the phone number of the control tower. He would call up the control tower and tell him not to clearance for the plane to be allowed to move.

He was always late running around doing last minute things. I ask myself what feeling was he trying to avoid. I will bring this to the Tribe - the feeling of wanting to push the rules to their limits without doing anything illegal.

I am happy to be connected to the Tribe again. I notice many familiar faces. We discuss "agreements". We live in a world of fuzzy and unclear agreements.

There is a pivotal moment just after dinner. One of the tribe members is trying to open a water bottle but having a difficult time due to a recent medical condition. I observe this for about a minute and then I can no longer watch - and feel this urge to solve this issue - so I move quickly across the floor and open it for this person.

In the meantime another person had offered to help - but I did not notice it. The person who had this issue, was turning to yet another person for help. So there were 4 people in this drama and the drama reflected our situations

Person #1 - who had the bottle
Person #2 - who offered help but was "rejected" - also felt the same thing at their work where there ideas were rejected
Person #3 - who person #1 turned too - but who was confused what was going on - this person had an issue of "missing" good trades
Person #3 - myself - who did the task without asking - have an issue of trading too much and taking too much risk

Then we start the process.

The person on the hot seat has an issue with another employee at work, who is putting down his work. This company has unclear roles with the President giving direct instructions to the hot seat while the manager also gives direct instructions. The person on the hot seat is feeling fear that their work is going to be discarded and another employee will redo it and make changes it. The hot seats "baby" is being taken away.

As the hot seat gets into their form they go back to an incident in their childhood - where they were the "class head" for many years and then their best friend got moved into the "class head" position. The hot seat person felt fear that they lost the position even though they felt they were qualified. Through sharing their feelings with the teacher the hot seat gets promoted to the head of the music class and is happy with this situation.

Then we go back to the current situation - and have the hot seat share their feelings with the other employee and their manager. The hot seat gets useful feedback instead of wondering about his managers position and the intentions of the other employee. The situation does not resolve in the manner the hot seat wanted i.e. to take over the project and finish it - but they get a better understanding of where they stand in the company. I feel this will help them make a better choice in their career.

Thank you for sharing your process.

May 31, 2014

Wants to Attend a Tribe Meeting

Dear Mr. Seykota,

I would like to participate in the TT in [City], but I am unable to contact anyone from there. There is unfortunately no response to my e-mail request.

Do you have any other ways to contact someone there?

And something else, I am curious if you are still able to speak Dutch;)? I am Dutch, born in Leiden and currently living in [City].

Thank you in advance,

Best regards

Thank you for sharing your process.

If you do not find a Tribe in your area, you can start one of your own.

Ik herinner me een beetje Nederlands - hoewel ik misschien een paar weken nodig om mijn oren weer online te zetten.

May 31, 2014

Experiencing Sadness

Hi Ed,

I feel intense sadness right now. My throat swells and I have tears in my eyes. I feel like my heart is about to burst from all the sadness I have locked away inside. I can't get over the hump to fully express this. I fear what is on the other side of this and I fear the price I had to pay to realize this.

Thanks for reading and acknowledging me. I hope you are well.

Sincerely,

Thank you for sharing your process.

You might consider taking your feelings about <sadness> to Tribe.


If Fear Prevents
Experiencing
Sadness

experience the fear.

http://venturegalleries.com/blog/defeating-fear-with-kindness-the-authors-collection/

May 30, 2014

Moral Relativism

Hi Ed,

The issue of moral relativism came up in our conversation, and I want to clarify my process around it. Perhaps some of your readers might find it interesting.

Moral relativism, as I understand it, is a derogatory term, in use by people who like to receive--and give-- clear moral guidance on what is right and wrong. I have never come across anyone who claimed to be a moral relativist. People who get the moral relativist label are people who try to peddle indefensible ideas by claiming these ideas to be no worse than acceptable ones.

Moral relativism is hardly about discarding notions of good and evil, even if the language suggests it. An example may go something like, "You think that Communism is bad, but there is no good and evil. Therefore Communism is acceptable." The only people to make this claim are people who believe that Communism is good--or at least they want their audience to believe that.

In my own process, I reject notions of "good" and "bad" for real. The difference in my approach is that I fill the resulting moral vacuum with notions of "like" and "dislike." I LIKE democracy. I DISLIKE violence. I don't claim to have some absolute, divine insight to claim that these are inherently right or wrong. On the contrary--I make an active, subjective choice. I take responsibility for my preferences. I am willing to explain them--and I'm willing to accept that other people make other choices. Indeed, billions of people around the world seem to make choices that are incompatible with mine. While they may be missing out on a terrific experience, I have no desire to convince them to change their ways. I equally have no desire to join them.

It is easy to tell a child that this or that behavior is "bad" or"immoral." I avoid this shortcut. I want my daughter to understand that she has a choice, that real choices have real consequences, and that one chooses the consequences when one makes a choice.

I feel there's nothing inherently right or wrong about sharing toys with your classmates--but different choices tend to attract different friends, and I can illustrate to her the kind of relationships that may develop if she makes this choice or that. I am also very explicit about my own preferences in similar situations. I like to think that in addition to stating my preferences, I illustrate them with my actual behavior, and that my own experience serves as one example of choices and results that my daughter can draw on when she makes her decisions about life.

Thank you for sharing your opinions.

I wonder how you feel about notions of good and bad.

May 30, 2014

Best Busker Ever

Ed,

You might like this video, in which an unsuspecting gets a gift she doesn't expect.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmhZwjNvZKY
Thank you for sending me the link.

May 30, 2014

Local Tribe Report

Hi Chief,

I really like the meeting last night in my local tribe! I believe that's the best meeting we ever have. I like the way we focus on intensive role plays, one after another, again and again, and end up with a full length rock process too. It's really really good.

Our tribe is evolving and becoming more practical application oriented. I feel thankful for the change you bring to the local tribe, and grateful to have the new members in the tribe. I am looking forward to the next meeting.

Thanks,

Thank you for sharing your process
May 29, 2014

Feelings Diet

Ed,

I continue to monitor my process on the "Feelings Diet." In this process I agree to eat if and only if I experience hunger.

In the process, I notice all the other feelings that historically motivate my eating: frustration; boredom; loneliness; weariness.

By waiting for hunger to kick in, I find I eat much less for comfort and more for nutrition.

Also, by not medicating my other feelings, I find myself responding to them in more pro-active ways.

I also notice some new issues emerging such as dealing with having more energy and dealing with people looking at me differently.

I wish to thank my Tribe for continuing to support me in this process, especially for helping me to sort out my feelings.



The Feelings Diet

No requirement to exercise
or to avoid food.



Thank you for sharing your process.

May 29, 2014

Austin Tribe Meeting
Experiencing the Risk of Sharing Feelings

Ed,

I arrive at the meeting feeling physically tired but ready to work. The group provides updates on our commitments and we raise issues. I have a show and tell and share with the group a risk report I develop to share with my investors. Feeling of being judged come up. I go with the feelings and try and enjoy being judged. It works. I embrace the comments which are both critical and complementary. I walk away with a better product and I am happy about that. I also notice others are willing to share when I share.

I bring up the issues related to the lack of investor feedback about an offering circular I release to a group of clients. This fits in with the theme of the night which is agreements. I notice that I am good at telling people what I want but I sometimes struggle to directly ask for willingness when I want something. This can create drama as I tell people what I want but I stop short of seeking agreements between others.

I am still unclear about the way forward for me when engaging others to come to an agreement. It feels a bit like asking a question and I know questions are controlling. I also notice the feeling that come up when I try to mix business and personal relationships.

When you take the intimate approach to relating to others you risk the relationship.

The payoff is no drama but the risk is that you create feelings in others that risk the relationship.


I see that I am not ready to take this approach with those close to me. I use a great deal of intimacy-centric relating but I stop short of 100%. I wonder whether the 100% intimacy approach is for me in every situation.

I decide to accept that others may or may not respond well to intimate communication.

Before I push intimacy further in my life I want to understand the risks more. I decide to keep studying intimacy-centric rapport and practice my technique to reduce risks to the relationships in my life that mean a great deal to me. I do not see this as giving up or cutting a loss, I view it as being patient with the positive trend of intimacy in my life. More work is required.

We have an interesting process where a tribe member shares her experience concerning her fathers criticism of her violin playing. This process touches me and I feel fear and excitement at the same time as the process unfolds. The fear I feel is that I think about times I criticize those in my family. I have very much reduced this behavior but the urge to "help" is strong in me and I realize that judgement and criticism can have disastrous effects.

It is good to be reminded of this. The excitement I feel is because I see the growth I have had since I engaged in a process related to this very problem last series. I understand the hotseat, I understand the person criticizing, and I understand how to manage the situation. I have experienced true growth through the TTP process. I am also happy that I am able to help the hotseat work on her growth.

Another process comes up where a hotseat does not complete an agreement he made to the group in the previous meeting. The Tribe leader really presses him on his ability to make and keep agreements. I feel pity for the hotseat because he is truly lost on what his pattern is.

He cannot even keep an agreement to be quiet. I also get the feeling that there is no malice in his lack of ability to make and keep agreements, he is engaging in agreements to make others happy. He makes these agreements in spite of the fact he does not want to engage in them.

I believe he thinks he is making the other person happy but he is ignorant in the fact that he is trying to control others' emotions by making agreements that he cannot complete because he has no desire to.

I keep quiet during the process but I decide to share my observation after the meeting. I sense relief on the part of the hotseat. I may be trying to control him by telling him about my observation. I guess I am scared that he may never see it without some support.

I am happy about my decision because we are all willing participants in the group and the group can sometimes see things you yourself can't. I shared my observation once but I will keep quiet about this issue going forward as to not develop a co-dependent relationship. If the issue comes up in another process then I will fully participate in the process.

The meeting closes on time with a business as usual feeling. I have some anxiety that the group is covering the same issues over and over again. Due to my lack of experience, I am unsure whether this is how it goes or the group can get stuck on certain issues for a period of time.

Thank you for sharing your process.

May 29, 2014

Intimacy-Centric Golf Incident

Ed,

My nephew and a couple of his friends stopped by our house while driving home from college. We played golf together at our golf club. A fun round quickly changed.

My nephew hit a second tee shot on #7 even though his first was in play. He pushed it dead right, the ball clipped a nearby tree branch on its way to more trees and we lost sight of it. We heard nothing else and assumed it lost.

We play our second shots to the green and begin putting out. I look up and notice the golfers behind us arriving to their golf balls on the fairway. I then notice a female walking up the fairway towards us. She arrives on the green.

Her: Do you know why I am here?

Me: I have no idea. Please tell me.

Her: One of you just broke my window with your golf ball. Which one of you was it?

Me: I hit my ball in the fairway. He (pointing) hit his ball in the fairway. He (pointing) hit his ball in the fairway. He (pointing) hit a ball in play but did hit a second.

Her: Well it just happened. And there aren't many golfers coming through today.

Nephew: If I broke your window I am sorry. I did not hear a thing.

None of us heard a thing as the house is a long away and not visible from the tee box.

Now we notice a noisy commotion back on the fairway. The 'man of the house' (the "Raging Bull") is screaming and yelling at the other golfers. He is very animated and the other golfers begin yelling back at him. He continues up the fairway towards us and meets us near our golf carts. By this time, the woman is completely silent and keeping her distance. I step forward as the Raging Bull nears. He is screaming and yelling as he walks up to me and literally puts his nose within two inches of mine. I lock eyes with him.

Raging Bull: You f***ing ***hole! You broke my window!! You knew you hit my house and you just drive on by hoping to get away with it!!! (More stuff!!! until he finishes)

Me: I...(I am cut off immediately as I begin to say I did not hit the ball)

Raging Bull: I ought to kick your a**!!!

I do not flinch nor break eye contact. He backs away from me.

Me: Thank you for sharing.

This surprised him. Enough for him to stop yelling momentarily before he turned and headed back to the other golfers on the fairway. The yelling and posturing ensued on the fairway.

I ask my nephew if he remembers what ball he hit. He does. I ask the woman if she has the ball. She does not. I ask her for ball confirmation. She leaves and returns to her house.

After a short time, I see her walking back towards us. I get in golf cart and drive to meet her.

Her: Here is photo of the ball (iPhone photo).

Me: Thank you for sharing. Same brand ball my nephew indicated he hit.

Her: What is your telephone number?

Me: I am not sharing that with you.

Her: Why?

Me: After that display of him?! (pointing towards their house)

Her: How are we going to handle this?

Me: I will ask the pro shop and find out who is responsible. If it is the golfer, then my nephew will pay. If it is the home owner, then you will have to pay.

Her: Why won't you give me your phone number?

Me: I don't want to (actually I am afraid to and this is a risk mitigation strategy).

Her: I may have to call the police.

Me: If you feel you need to call the police, call the police.

Her: I want to tell you, I don't feel good about how this is going.

Me: Thank you for sharing your feelings. (Pause) May I now share my feelings with you?

I began to tell her how much anger I felt when her husband intentionally invaded my personal space. I told her it took immense energy as every fiber in my body wanted to physically harm him at that moment for intentionally invading my personal space. I reiterated my plan to call the pro shop.

Her: I hope you are a man of your word.

Me: Thank you for sharing. Now I am going to finish my round of golf and enjoy the remainder of my day with my nephew.

---

I find out at our golf club the golfer is responsible. I stop by their house a few days later. I notice security cameras and neighbors attention rise as I walk to front door. The woman answers and is surprised to see me.

Me: I am here to pay for your window or arrange to have it replaced.

Her: (more surprise) Uh, I have three quotes coming. Give me your e-mail and I will send you quote.

Me: That is not necessary. When I notice the window replaced, I will stop back by and pay for it. When do you think it will be replaced?

Her: A few days.

Me: All right. I will be on the lookout.

---

Several days pass and I notice the window replaced over the weekend. I stop by their house twice to no avail. I make it a point to go to their house after Memorial Day weekend to pay for the window. No lingering, open agreements with them. I want this loop closed ASAP. I do not have copy of receipt. I trust her word and pay her cash on the spot.

Many at the club heard variations of the story. Many also thank me for handling the situation in the manner I did. Feels good.

Thank you for sharing your process - and for providing an example of intimacy-centric relating.

May 29, 2014

Rocks and Raymond

Hi Chief,

I am enjoying watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I find that it's amazingly parallel to the concepts of Rock Process. Many episodes start with a feeling a person is not willing to share, and the drama ends when the persons start to share feelings. It also presents the ideas of Rocks passing down to next generation, man doing things to medicate feelings, control centric moves create drama and sharing feeling creates rapport. It reminds me of your words, family is a place full of politics, power and control.

Thanks,

Thank you for sharing your insights.

Everybody Loves Raymond follows a successful hide-your-feelings formula, dating back to I Love Lucy, even to Shakespeare.

May 29, 2014

Austin Tribe Meeting Report

Hi Chief,

I notice that it is the 5th meeting in which we don't have rocks donation, fore-giving or heart rock. I wonder if you intend to discard the "blaming the parents" element of the process, or just temporarily run out of supply of rocks? I wonder what I need to do in my local tribe?

Thanks,

Thank you for raising this issue.

I generally use the Rocks Process when I detect an emotional block to completing a task.

After several Rocks Processes, I generally conduct role playing processes to assist Tribe members to practice implementing the resources in their new Heart Rocks.

May 29, 2014

Austin Tribe Report - Effective Communication

Hi Chief,

We have 9 members in today's meeting. Two members are late, and Ed asks them to tell each member in the tribe that it's his intention to be late, and each member also needs to respond that it's his own intention for that member to be late.

During checkin issues, Ed find out quite a few problems share the common issue, which is the breach of agreement, or no clear agreement at all. For example, I am worrying if my manager keep his agreement to assign a project to me and don't let other worker to touch it. Life is based on agreements among people.

I start to realize that the agreements are the system we follow in life, like the trading system we follow in markets. The feelings and response patterns which take me away from sticking to the agreement are the rocks I need to work on. I share my realization with the tribe. And Ed points out that what is more important than sticking to the agreement is to share feeling and create rapport. Everything, including agreement can change. If I ask others to stick to the agreement in a rigid way, I might lose rapport. And then I may lose favor in new agreements. It seems that whenever I believe I got what Ed's idea, Ed would point out something even deeper and further in the way.

One member presents his marketing disclosure and asks the Tribe to comment.in one page, he displays the drawdown his system experiences in various world events, like 9/11, Oct 1987 market crash,etc. The disclosure shows the one day worst drawdown and quarterly return in a table. Some member suggest that he could use a better software and makes more colorful illustration. Ed suggests that he might make a chart of equity run and mark those events on the chart, with words or pictures.

One member asks another member if he can build rapport with the other member. Ed says that by sharing the feeling of wanting to build rapport, he is actually doing it. The two members share feeling with each other and demonstrate a way of creating rapport.

In another process, Tribe help a member get into forms.The member bends over, rub the face and rock the body. When the forms gets to the peak, Ed freezes the member. The client recalls a situation where her dad stands behind her and criticizes her about her way to play violin.

One member volunteers to play the father. The client points out her father makes negative comment about her performance in a gentle by assertive way. The member does so. Then Ed ask them to play intimacy model. The client then ask the dad to sit in front of her and let her finish the music. Ed points out that this is the control way. Then the client tells the dad that she wants to play the entire music without being stopped in the middle and she wants a bravo after it. The dad agrees and moves forward and sits down. When the daughter finishes the music, the dad applauds and says bravo.

In another process, one member gets into forms and feelings, and when he is going to reach something workable, he stops and backs off. Tribe helps him in different directions and he always stop going further before right there, unintentionally. Ed points out his stop pattern and support his wanting to stop and moves on to other members. Ed makes an agreement with the member for the member to be a good observer of other people's process. The member sticks to his agreement for the rest of the meeting.

During the break, Ed picks up a water bottle process to demonstrate the difference between the intimacy-centric and control centric relating. One lady member tries to open a water bottle and the lid is too tight. Another member see her struggle and reach out to her to offer help, while barely saying "may I help you?". The lady somehow turns to another tribe member and asks him to open it for her. And then a fourth member come in and ask her to let him do it for her.

Ed points out there are three control-centric moves here. One is that the first helper does not share his feeling of wanting to help first and instead directly reaches out to help. This in many cases might make others feel intrusive or surprise. The 2nd is that the lady member doesn't share her feeling of wanting help and directly ask the second helper to do it for her. It might also surprise the other member and seem demanding. And the 3rd helper only makes the situation more complicated.

Then they role play again. The first member sees the lady struggles, and say I am seeing you are struggling with the bottle and I want to help you. And the lady naturally give the bottle to him. Then the lady practice her conversation with the 2nd helper, she tell him she is struggling with the bottle and want to know if the member can help her. This make the process easy and smooth.

During break, I go to the refrigerator, one member is ahead of me. He open the door and take a bottle of water and give it to me, and I pause and accepted. He says, " I should have told you I want to give you this bottle". We both laugh. I notice when he pass me the bottle, I pause and hesitate a little. The best way to respond is to share my feeling of the nice surprise. After the meeting, I see Ed is carrying out trash, and I say to him, "Ed, I want to help". I like this practice.

I report a problem in my office. A newly come back co-worker criticizes me on a feature I add to our product. He believe there's a better way to do it. I know he is feeling threatened by me and make a fuss on this unimportant issue. And normally when I agree to him or go to him for consultation on an issue, he would take over that task and do it himself. I am afraid he is doing that again. I want to work on my pattern of shutdown, panic when I am afraid other people is going to attack me and take away my project.

During the role play, I try the intimacy talk with the co-work. The first time when I try to share my feeling about his criticism, I can't tell how I feel and go blank. Ed points this out. And I notice this is the symptom I am deeply hooked in the situation and away from my feelings. Few times I can't get in touch into the feeling and try to explain situation more, Ed tells me that I need to detach the feelings from the situation and focus on the feelings. I realize that I am deep into the hook and away from acknowledge my feelings. Ed stops me and ask me if I want to proceed with the process, or have a surrogate to show me how to do it. I feel desperate and want to make it myself and I stick to the "I feel sad".

Then Ed points that I am talking to the wrong person and this is a turf war. And the best person for me to change the situation is talking to the boss. One member volunteers to play my manager. I tell the manager I feel confused what my job function is, if the other worker takes over it. The manager listens to my question and asks me to call for a meeting with the other worker.

Then three of us meet. I tell them my confusion and who is going to do the job. The manager and the other worker start to chat about going golfing. I immediately feel out of loop. This seems to be similar to the real situation. They have worked together for decade and I am a new comer. Ed then tells me to share my feeling of I don't know how to fit in here. Then the manager tells me that he feels the other worker is more familiar with the software architecture and can finish the work more quickly. So he wants the other worker to do it. Now I am seeing the situation is going directly to what I really fear. I feel sad, hopeless and unfair.

I feel the two members who play the manager and the coworker conduct the drama exactly into the situation which I fear most and I hate most, and it's exactly the situation I want myself to be in for the purpose of my training in the process. Ed instructs me to share my feeling about this situation. I try my best to share my feeling and I just feel sad about it. I don't like the situation.

I sit there and the feelings comes up, then Ed and the Tribe notice this and get me into my forms. I squeeze my face immediately and lower my head, I feel pain in the chest and focus on the feelings of being deprived of my project. And I recall my teacher in my high school. I have always be designated as the student leader to take care academic class related works. But in the last year of high school, my teacher designates another student, my best friend to the position. I feel sad, and hurt and shutdown.

The member who play the manager and the peer engineer so play the teacher and the friend. I go to the teacher and I tell the teacher
"I feel sad losing this job, and how do you feel about it?" And I try to say more. Ed points out that I am pouring too much in one statement. And the receiver can't process so much feelings and information and questions.

Ed tells me to just say I feel sad, and pause. I try it and immediately feel the difference. I say " I am sad" slowly and then stop. And I look at the teacher and wait for his response.

I suddenly realize this is much more efficient than my talkative way. I notice my feeling of wanting to utter more words out of my mouth, or my mind. I also notice this relates to one of my issue Ed tells me in last meeting, that I often speak fast and unclear. The finding of the new way of share my feeling by talking slowly and wait for response before pumping out more information really shocks me.

So I share my sadness slowly with my teacher. I then tell him I don't know what else to do. The teacher then tells me that there are other positions, including the art leader, I pick it at once. I feel happy I have a new position and notice my stuck at sadness is naive. I then share my feeling with my best friends. And I notice I even start to feel happy for him, for he can build better portfolio for his application for college.

Then we come back to practice the office situation. I slowly tell my manager I feel sad to lose the project, then I pause and look at him. The manager acknowledge my feeling and tell me his feeling about my hardwork. I share with him that I want to continue to contribute to the company and don't know how. He then tells me he can find new project for me.

During the check out, the member who plays the peer says that he feel that as another engineer, he usually doesn't care how I feel, he just wants to do his job, in his way. This also reminds me my tendency of trying to please peers and I realize I have this pattern of trying to please peer co-worker and being passive and afraid of building rapport with boss or authority. I comes to the realization that I need to work on myself and being more proactive on improving my relationship with management. This is also the second issue Ed points out in previous tribe meeting.

Then I release the members from their roles and thank them for the great help.

Ed says this is a tough process and I agree. I continue thinking about my process over the night and on the airplane the next morning. I realize this process might not only benefit me with help on turf war and job security. It might help on client relationship for traders and money mangers. What if a client withdraws funds from my management and give it to another trader? What if there are short term traders going after the major client of a trend follower during drawdown period? Being proactive to share feeling with clients, potoforlio mangers or pool operators can have positive impact on the asset under management.

Recently I start to feel that market might just be an illusion, what really happens behind trading is nothing but money changing hands. From long run, the only game is that money goes from weaker hands to stronger hands, from less disciplined mind to more disciplined mind. This doesn't only happens in the market, it also happens out of market, and in the trading firms. I realize trading industry is no different than software or any other industry, and the competition may be more fierce. As a trader, what I need to learn is more than trading the market, it also means I need to train myself to be able to create rapport with money sources. It's also a very important skill for a successful trader.

I thank you and the tribe for the great help during the meeting, and I want to help the tribe too.

Thanks,

Thank you for sharing your process and insights.

May 27, 2014

Austin Tribe Meeting
Feeling Responsible the Health of his Family

Ed,

Nine members attend this meeting. We welcome back a tribe member, one member arrives late (pre-arranged) and we have a guest member from a prior series.

The structure of the meeting remains the same, but the meeting feels different to me. Not better, not worse, just different. I was in a different seat, maybe my perspective changed. Maybe I am loosening up.

We drum, check-in our feelings, report progress since last meeting and share issues.

One member has an issue with railroad on his property. One has an issue at work defending code he has written. One has an issue taking the trade from his trading system. Another does not receive feedback he is expecting from a brother. One has an issue of holding back out of fear. One has an issue with a fellow member over something said during the meeting. I think I have an issue about a recent article written, but while another member is sharing their issue I am unable to stop thinking about guilt.

Ed discusses what he feels is a developing theme: making agreements, both explicit and implicit.

Ed probes each issue for depth and clarity.

He asks me when I made the agreement to accept responsibility for my family’s health. I have no idea, but somewhere and somehow I did. His question stuck with me. I now remember when I made this agreement. While ‘intentionally’ good, the agreement was vague and open-ended. It took on a life of its own. It attracted others willing to get in on the agreement. I understand how I attracted and accepted the various side agreements. These agreements can be energy and time consuming.

When we return from a beak, one member is having difficulty opening a water bottle and begins asking a member for help. Two other members spontaneously get involved, one from across the room. Ed notices this and uses this an example of making agreements. Everyone remembers the situation differently and the agreements they make. Ed says this is your life! The situation was a humorous example of the nature of agreements. Ed mentions that each person made an agreement because they got something out of it - a psychological profit.

Ed turns up the heat on one member. This member did not follow through on a commitment from the prior meeting. Ed said he was done. This person cannot stop talking and tries to make agreement after agreement with Ed. Ed was not accepting any of the agreements. This process went on for what seemed 30 minutes. Another example of the nature of agreements. Ed makes an agreement with person they cannot participate in any role plays, nor can they talk for the remaining meeting. Ed amends the agreement by allowing him to participate in the check-out process. The member fulfills this agreement.

We do several role plays without the rocks process. One involving programming code and another involving violin practice. War or rapport is what I remember most from both role plays. War or rapport!

Thank you for hosting these meetings!


Thank you for sharing your process and for documenting the meeting.

May 27, 2014

Austin Tribe Report

Ed,

Check-in

Most are feeling good. Others are tingly, nervous, uneasy.

Show-&-Tell

# Not making the progress I want. Taking care of other stuff.

# Excessive ice cream “habit” is better. Continue working with A/V group and getting more experience.

# More daughter time. Son sleeps in his own room. Coding is good. Local tribe posts to FAQs without being prompted.

# Working on simple trading system.

# Cutting back hours as intended. Writes to FAQs when depressed and takes it to Tribe.

# Three of fifteen refrigerators are gone, a fourth is on its way. Relationship with wife is better. Tenant is behind on rent, again; selling that property. Let go of marginal salesmen in his company. Started fasting one day a week. Been stopped out of last six trades.

# My weight is good – I’m down four pounds from max and I’ve gotten back in the groove on weight loss. I used to conceal Tribe from my boss & co-workers because I thought they’d think it’s unconventional / unusual (“can’t do that”). But, recently, I talked with my boss about Tribe and he likes it. He gives me time off to attend, he will reimburse me for mileage and buy pizza tonight for the Tribe. I’ve done a poor job of developing my fraternity alumni group and with proceeding on my backtests: I stop a lot. I must stop stopping. I will take this to the Tribe.

# The railroad wanted to rebuild a trestle on his property and after the agreement is signed the RR comes back and asks for proof of indemnification that was buried in the contract. This turns into a potential $1,000 a year surprise cost. But he shares feelings, says he’ll stick to the agreement and asks both sides (his & RR) to explore options. The issue is resolved at no added cost. Practicing with a band, learning Python and three other languages for Web development, son is doing better, thankful for sore that got him into dermatologist who found carcinoma in another spot.

[I keep stopping this write up of my Tribe notes for FAQs.]

A tribe member shows his “system performance during crises” report for marketing purposes. The Tribe goes around and offers suggestions on how to improve it. It feels good to help him since he’s helped me with system development.

Issue Development

# Don’t have a clear agreement with a new engineer at work.

# Turning away from big trades. “I know this is the one!” But he turns away (to the left). “It feels like two positive magnetic poles repelling each other.” We get him to amp up that feeling and he begins to scream. He stops and says “That’s it!” and recalls a time when he was young and a syringe had to be stuck in his left eye – very frightened and painful. He feels fear and stops. He has to stop – stopping is a part of his process (and mine, too). To take the trades, stop stopping. Fear is OK–its positive intention is to warn us of risk and loss. We use it for risk control. But don’t let it paralyze us.

# Doesn’t have a clear agreement with his wife on property and disposing of excess property. We go over the basics: establish rapport, make a clear agreement, keep it, (and, if applicable, end it when it’s over).

Agreements seems to be the issue for the night.

# Doesn’t have clear agreements with his clients. They are vague, open-ended. He may be getting “milked” in the process.

# Sent his marketing circular to his brother and got no feedback and is upset. We ask “What’s your agreement with your brother on this?” He wonders what his brother is thinking. We suggest he stop worrying about what “they” think – you’ll assume the worst and then stop. If you stop worrying, then you go ahead. (Wise words for me–I worry and I stop, a lot.)

# A tribe members feels guilty after reading a Wall Street Journal article. Where in his body is the feeling? Perhaps it comes from a religious upbringing–though shalt not feel guilt. But that is a great way to control people–forbid them from feeling guilty, create painful guilt-inducing situations that are relieved by doing what you wish.

# We take a 5-minute break and during the break a Tribe member struggles with the cap on a bottle of water. I lean over from her right to help as she turns to her left to have another member open it for her but another member jumps up, grabs the bottle and opens it. Three inter-personal mini-agreements have just unconsciously taken place. We analyze them and then re-enact with the basics: I establish rapport with a “Hello” that is acknowledged. The agreement: {I state “I’d like to open that for you.” She hands me the bottle. I open it and return it.} The conclusion: {She says “Thank you.” and I say “Nothing to it.”}

We do a role playing process with the Tribe member who has a new/returning engineer to deal with. There are 3 players: the new engineer, the boss, and I play the president of the company. We role play getting a clear agreement on his relationship with the new engineer. Interestingly, the president, who can give direction to the tribe member, is not called upon during the role playing.

Shout Dream

After Tribe, I sleep over at Ed’s. In the morning we are in the kitchen and I ask Ed if he wanted anything from the library last night. Ed is confused. Am I asking about the public library? I relate my dream to him…

After the Tribe meeting I was pretty tired and went straight to bed in Ed’s library. At around midnight I dreamt that I heard Ed shout my name to me. Just my name. Clearly and imperatively shouted to me by Ed. I didn’t see Ed; I just heard the shout in my dream. I felt no emotions coming from Ed and felt no emotions in me. (My feeling no emotions is “normal”). The shout came first; it startled me; then, in the darkness of my dream I saw my name in all-caps letters in front of me. The letters were about the size you’d see on a name plate on a door as you walked towards it.

I was startled enough that I woke up. I’ve never dreamt anything like that before and I didn’t know what to think. Did Ed want something in the library? (Hence, my question the next morning.) I wondered some more and figured it’s Ed’s house – if he wants something from the library then he’ll get it. I went back to sleep.

We talk in the morning – No, Ed did not want something from the library. I guess it is some Under FRED communications… I’ll ponder this some more and let FAQs know if anything comes up.

In the kitchen, Ed jokes about us queuing up for (medicinal, stimulating) morning coffee. I note he drinks carrot juice which is chock full of sugar giving him a jolt, too. [NAME] says he’ll bring coffee for next meeting and I write this as I intend for him to bring it.

Trip Home Notes

I’m blocked at work . I stop a lot. I must stop stopping. I will take this to the Tribe. I want to identify where my willingness stops.

We don’t directly work on my issues last night but I feel what we did work on will be very helpful.

If I clear what’s blocking me will I no longer need my high blood pressure medication?

Hang-Ups About Hanging Up

Saturday, my daughter gets several framed photos and paintings out of a closet, lays them all out and says “Let’s hang these up.” I hem, haw and stop. She asks me why. I realize I have a hang-up about hanging things up: I don’t want to “do it wrong”. Perhaps I was scolded after doing it wrong decades ago in my boyhood home with the fragile plaster walls. I don’t live there anymore. I relax, measure and hang one up. EZ, fun, done. “Feels good.”


TTP Concepts & Sentences

“I ask clearly for what I want.” “I’d like to know how you feel about…” “Tell me how you feel about …” “Tell me more about how you feel.” “I wonder what you would like to do?” Acknowledge and thank every time someone shares feelings and wishes with you. Get information gently, without asking questions. Asking “Why questions” teaches people to make excuses. I stop stopping. I stop talking to my feet. I establish rapport & intimacy. I get clear agreements. I don’t ask questions. I share my feelings. When I stop worrying and stop stopping, then I move forward and make progress toward my goals. In Tribe we set goals and work towards them. If we get stopped then we use the Rocks Process to overcome them. I bring willingness.

Thank you for sharing your process.

I wonder how you feel about not feeling anything during your dream.

May 27, 2014

Confirming a System Back Test

Ed,

Thank you for the note. I hope you had a good holiday weekend.

I am in receipt of data.

Price Data

I notice they are using the NASDAQ composite for their data set – source unknown.

I notice CSI data has two discreet periods: (i) 6/12/73 to 10/10/84 where O=H=L=C for each reported bar (assuming reporting price.close only) and (ii) 10/11/84 to present where OHLC for each bar has been updated with separate reporting.

I compare [their] price data to CSI data (see attached .xls and Tab ‘[Name]_CSI data check’).

I run base logic checks on [Name] price data (see attaches .xls and Tab ’[Name] base data check’).

I wonder what price data source they use? Or what combination of data?

I wonder how they scrub and verify their data?

I wonder what data checks I am missing?

I wonder how you scrub and verify your data?

Structure

I confirm they use price.close, price.low and price.high as you indicated.

Their assumptions are many: (i) entry/exit occurs on same day that market close data is used to calculate the SMA and signals (impossible to carry out in real time and discretionary at best), (ii) no slippage, (iii) no brokerage fees/commissions, (iv) full dollar amount is invested (i.e. able to buy fractions of shares) and (v) no taxes.

I feel unease identifying these major assumptions. Especially being ‘all in’. This feels like driving with a blind fold on.

I will recreate their numbers in excel to see if I tie out. Then reproduce in TradingBlox.

Thank you for conducting this research for me - as I wish to determine if I can endorse the research in their book.

May 27, 2014

Wants to Attend a Workshop

Ed,
Thank you for returning my e-mail Ed, I wanted to let you know I was able to find the information. For some reason my browser wasn’t opening it. Anyways, thank you. It is an honor to have received a reply from you. I have looked up to you since I started trading in Jr High. Is there any chance that you hold meetings or seminars that I may be able to attend? I would be very privileged to attend.

thanks again.

I occasionally host Workshops in response to demand.

May 27, 2014

Calm and Connecting

Hi Ed,

It's been almost a month now from my first Tribe experience. I feel a sense of calm around me even though I was a visitor at just one session. Friends and new friends have noticed a calm energy about me and comment on it. Most importantly, I feel happier, less angry, and less lonely.

During the tribe session, I check-in with feelings of loneliness. I am no stranger to understanding and feeling my emotions, but I harbor judgement about feelings even though I think I am "enlightened."

I notice my feelings of loneliness have become less prevalent these days.

I wonder if it's because more friends are reaching out to me and I have had more dates. I do not know if it's because the calmness and confidence I now bring forth, but I don't dwell on the reason too much. I just enjoy the moment.

I postulate one reason I feel lonely is that I have very few friends who are comfortable and open with their feelings. Since Tribe, I no longer feel like the only one. I no longer feel the baggage of shame with being open with who I am and the feelings I possess. In fact, I now know there exist groups of people around the world who are trying to better themselves through the Tribe process and getting to know themselves and others. It makes me feel happy and like there is hope for me to find more friends like this. The world seems like less of a burden on me and I feel light. I am hopeful and excited for the future.

All of this with just one Tribe meeting. I am trying to get situated with the Tribe here in [City] and have been in touch. I look forward to more meetings.

Best,

Thank you for sharing your process.

May 26, 2014

Learning to Share Feelings

Ed,

After calling you this morning, I have spent some time on the TTP FAQ site, reading past posts.

Today, after allowing myself to feel certain feelings as they arose, I receive the opportunity to continue work on my relationships with old and new friends. I like the support system, I am beginning to build.

I am realizing that there have been numerous amounts of people (best friends and friends), willing and wanting to support me and to share experieces with, however, I have not allowed them to since I have been too scared to share my innermost feelings with others. My relationships with most people have been very one sided, I listen and encourage others to share themselves with me, but I have been too afraid to share non-superficial content of myself with other.

I've always felt, that my emotions run too deep for most people to be able to receive without it engulfing their psyche, when I am happy and energetic I do not worry about affecting people. Positive feelings, I am happy to share with others.

Since young, adults and children alike whom I associate with have learned and sensed to accept my system of not asking me about my personal life, or if they do, my answers never seem to give too much insight about the nature of my feelings. It is not rare for my to hear from close friends and others, that I am an enigma. Since young, I have been a loner, surrounded by an abundance of people who are inexplicably attracted to me, and in being honest, in a healthy state of mind/feeling, I admit that I love being around and interacting with people, as long as I get to retreat, and recharge when I need to.

I would like to take a bit more time to meditate on what it is that I want, and allow my Fred to continue to talk to me, allow myself to acknowledge, and experience the feelings Fred wants me to experience before I call you again.

I will try you again in about a weeks time.

As always, thank you for receiving my call, and thank you for listening.

Thank you for sharing your process.

May 26, 2014

Austin Tribe Meeting

Dear Ed,

I visit my Tribe as a guest at the fifth meeting, missing the opportunity to attend the full series due to health problems.

I feel happy to see familiar faces and curious about the new ones. I also feel curious to see what I intend to do.

During the last series I recall several occasions where I arrive full of intention to take the hotseat only to leave with many rational reasons why I don't end up doing it.

During the exploration phase several people express a desire to work on an issue, and I find myself starting to back out in my mind. There are always plenty of excuses when I need them!

One member, after speaking about failing to "pull the trigger" on some important trades, displays a form that associates with an early memory but that seems to have no valence in the current moment. Another member brings up a dilemma about whether he should share his feelings of disappointment with his brother; after some exploration of the issue he declines to go further with it. Another member is concerned about feeling overshadowed at his job by the return of his predecessor.

The theme that seems to emerge from the issues presented is one of agreements: what happens when they are not clear, how we deal with breaking them or having them broken by others, how to ask for them directly. I notice myself trying to "figure out" how my issue fits into that theme and feeling worried that it doesn't fit. Excuse #37!

One by one, those who wish to work state their issues (except me, of course). It is ten minutes before the dinner break when Ed says, "Anyone else got something they want to work on?" and I blurt out "Yes!"

Except I don't know what to say! I start blabbing about my hesitation, my excuses, my uncertainty, when Ed, smiling kindly, says, "So what do you want to do?" I cover my face with my hands and wail,"I don't know!".

The Tribe members jump on the physical gesture and urge me to amplify it, which I attempt to do. I begin rocking and rubbing my face and (seems to me like) howling, "I don't know what to do!" As I am squeezing my body and clenching my face, an image comes into my mind of me practicing my violin and my father standing behind me. I feel surprised, squeeze a little more, and there it is again.

At that moment, the pizza delivery person rings the doorbell and I emerge from my clenched position. I let the tribe know that I "got something", describe the image to them and we break for dinner.

My memory is cloudy as to the timing of one other significant event, which is that another tribe member wishes to express his feelings of displeasure to me regarding some remarks I make to him prior to the meeting.

I feel shock, as I have no awareness that there was any hostile intent in my comments; I am able (with some coaching) to accept his feelings, at least after some initial attempts to change his feelings by apologizing and explaining. The exchange ends up feeling successful and satisfying, as the member and I seem to regain rapport during the interaction.

Later Ed engages this same member to role play my critical father, standing behind me to point out my mistakes as I practice. I notice that I want to express a lot of anger toward my father and I feel disappointment and some frustration when Ed directs me to ask for what I really want before I get to vent on my dad. So I go ahead and vent a bit anyway before accepting the suggestion to proactively tell my father what I want from him.

I easily tell him I would be happier if he would sit in front or to the side of me, like an audience, instead of standing behind me. I easily tell him that he could help me the most by supporting and encouraging my playing by clapping when I finish.

As we enact this scenario I feel extremely happy and satisfied, and also sad. I feel tearful, and share this with the Tribe, saying, "So many years, wasted." I know my dad would gladly do as I ask; I wish I could have known how to ask!

I notice that, for the issues other members work on, the Tribe does not conduct any Rocks Processes like they do in the previous series. I think that may reflect the experience level of the members, who may know their typical Rocks patterns from earlier work and now are in the stage of practicing new skills in establishing rapport and making agreements based on what they really want.

Ed coins an interesting phrase: "Rapport or War". You can choose to fight it out if that's what you need, and it's important to take ownership of your refusal to try to establish rapport. Do whatever you want, and don't blame anyone if a battle is what you seem to want.

In applying this to my experience in the meeting, I believe that if I have deeper anger issues toward my father, I might need to go further with the expression of these feelings, including possibly provoking a defensive reaction from him so that I can fight with him. I believe that my desire for connection and rapport with him is much stronger than any hurt and anger I might still harbor, which makes it easy for me to move towards rapport rather than war.

One more illuminating experience stands out about the meeting. After the late-evening break I sit in the circle before we resume and struggle to open a water bottle. I am the only female in the room. I usually pride myself on my strength but feel a bit weaker lately. In my mind I consider asking for help from one of the men sitting on either side of me, finally choosing the physically larger of the two. I lean towards him to ask for assistance.

Suddenly, from across the circle flies another member, who previously discusses his tendency to act impulsively in many situations, and specifically to do things that affect his wife without consulting her ahead of time. He takes the bottle out of my hand and opens it for me.

The Tribe spends several minutes, with considerable enthusiasm, noticing the dynamics of this interaction and how the behaviors of all four participants actually reflect some characteristic patterns we each tend to enact. It feels like quite an interesting "in vivo" learning experience.

I feel grateful to the Tribe members for welcoming my dropping in at the mid-point of their series. I feel happy about how I choose to express myself and hope that my presence may feel beneficial to some other participants.

And I feel grateful to you, Ed, for inviting me to attend and for supporting me while I am there.

Sincerely,

Thank you for sharing your process and for documenting the meeting.


People Assume Configurations

almost instantly

by subtly signaling
their intentions.

http://perpetualprude.com/tag/romance/


Music Lesson

(Intimacy-Centric Form)

http://weirdnews24.com/father-and-daughter-recreate-old-wedding-photos-to-say-goodbye-to-late-wife-and-mother/



People Give Their Children

automatic response patterns (Rocks)

that define their intentions
for the rest of their lives.

http://men-factor.blogspot.com/2010/08/lie-nice-guy-is-whiny-self-serving.html

May 26, 2014

Dropping Out

HI Ed,

I thought about my situation and what I need to priorities right now. I feel it's in best interest for me and the Tribe for me to stop attending the rest of the series.

Thanks again for your tough process managing and your support.

Sincerely,

Thank you for sharing your process.

May 23, 2014

Recital

Ed,

I'd like to share a photo of my granddaughter and her classmates at her recent recital.


Celebrating the Culture

 

Thank you for sharing the moment.

May 23, 2014

Austin Tribe Report:
Establishing Rapport and Waiting for a Response

Hi Chief,

Yesterday's meeting is so powerful for me and I get a lot from it.

Now I get back into my office and find that my boss assigns a few new tasks for me. I do a brief read of the new projects and then stand up and go to his office (which I don't usually do. In the past I probably just start to bury myself on the new tasks).

After getting to his office, I say to my manager, "I feel happy to see you assigned 3 new tasks on me. " Then I stop and wait.

He looks extremely happy, and starts to talk to me that "I feel sorry I haven't given you new stuff and let you just work on the new product. Actually I have another longer term project for you".

I tell him I feel grateful for the opportunity to do the past project and feel excited about the new one. And then I stop and wait for his response. We have a chat then and talk about the long weekend. It's a good experience and I like it.

From yesterday's meeting I also notice my pattern of being passive to create rapport with authority, instead of proactively sharing feelings with management, I only rely on hardworking as my way, which limits my achievement.

I feel good about what's happening and want to keep consistent on the new way.

Thanks,

Thank you for sharing your process.

May 23, 2014

Self-Confidence

Hi, Ed!

I lack self-confidence and I would like to enhance my self-confidense?

Maybe you are not waiting this kind questions, i mean it's not a question about trading and you are not my psichologist.

But do you had self doubts? How you overcome it? I think it's realy important to be confident that you can achieve your goals.
I'll appreciate any advice.

Thanks

p.s. sorry for my english it's not my natiev language.

Thank you for raising this issue.

You might consider taking your feelings about <self-confidence> and <fear> to Tribe.


Fear

has a positive intention

of motivating risk control.

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/fear.htm

May 22, 2014

Beginner

Hi Ed,

I am a beginner at trading, and I want to learn the things you've learned, and maybe put some money in to trade, do you recommend books? and systems and how to learn in this govopoly enterprise?

I know I wont make billions .. but at least i can learn.. what advice can you give a beginner who has never done this.. and to advise him the path with hard work to become an expert?

Your advice is sought. I look forward to hearing from you

With Warm Regards

Thank you for raising these issues.

You might consider taking your feelings about <beginning> to Tribe as an entry point.

If my Assimilation Model in Govopoly has merit, you might have a few billions sooner than you might think.

May 22

Questions Follow-Up (see below)

Ed,

I just wanted to say thank you for all the time you spent with me. Excellent discussion! I really look forward to meeting you in person.

Attached are a couple of pictures of my daughter from this morning which might bring back memories for you [of your own daughter].

All the best,



Pool Operator

 

Thank you for sharing your process and for the photo of your daughter.


May 22, 2014

Questions on Trend Following

Ed, thanks very much for making time to speak on Friday. It was a great call. Thank you for your patience and imparting your experience and wisdom to me.

The following are queries I have had from potential investors. I have discussed these queries with [Name] but it will be good for me to discuss these with you also. Please mull them over and then I will call you whenever suits you to discuss. I look forward to our next call!

1) Regarding the model you employed that generated the returns outlined in Market Wizards - how does the [Name] model compare and contrast with that model?

2) Potential investors would like to know the level of your input and how [Name] and you built the model together.

3) What type of returns should investors anticipate in normalized market situations as opposed to the choppy markets we have had the last few years?

4) Will the [Name] model need to be "overhauled" over time or do you believe that few changes are likely to be needed (minor tweaks)? If so, under what circumstances would you anticipate changing the model?

5) I have been asked how much money I have invested - I am in the process of investing which should be completed shortly. I have also been asked whether you have money invested, Potential investors' thought process is if [Name] is so good then Ed should invest. How do you suggest I respond to this?

6) How do you think about your ongoing commitment to [Name]? Nobody doubts [Name]'s focus, commitment, integrity and intellect once they meet him and spend time with him which is excellent but people ask about your involvement.

7) Can you walk me through why we should not incorporate shorts into our model for commodities. Two investors have noted we could have made a lot of money shorting precious metals over the last few years.

8) Why not invest in other markets such as equities given the strategy should easily be used in any futures market? Some potential investors believe that if we had been long equities/short precious metals we would have had a much better return profile since inception.

9) Who do you see as our competitors? Firms you respect doing similar things?

10) When will you be coming to [Continent]? Or alternatively may I visit you in Austin? I will be in [City] in June with a good friend ... who [Name] and I have pitched to a few times ...
Thank you for sending me your questions.

May 22, 2014

Wizard

Hi Ed,

Its been a while since I write to you. I wanted to apologize for calling you a program a couple months ago. I feel embarrassed. I was really out of it for a while. And extremely paranoid. I hope you can forgive me.

I want to thank you for sharing the video of you and your son playing together. I had a nice grin on my face seeing you guys play together. I guess the video makes you seem more down to earth instead of this larger than life Wizard of OZ type persona that I imagine in my head.

I hope you are doing well.

Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your feelings.

May 22, 2014

Losing Last Quarter by Shorting Equity Markets

Dear Ed,

In view of the continuing losses thus far in the Quarter, [our head trader] wants to give you a sense of what he has done in the portfolio and where he stands.

Let me know if you require any additional information.

Thank you for sharing your situation.

At some point, you might consider employing trend-following and adaptive investing from a risk-management point of view.

See my book, Govopoly in the 39th Day for more on this.

May 22, 2014

Quad Copter Video

Hi Ed,

Hope you are fine.

You might like this vid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2itwFJCgFQ

 

Thank you for sending me the link.

May 21, 2014

Tribe Meeting Report
Trading and Loneliness - A Rocks Process


Ed,

We have our tribe meeting on may 15th, one of the member does not show up as he is sick. when I arrive at the meeting I am glad to see the other Tribe members and feel elated that I am still a part of this process where we get together to help each other.

We start the drumming and in few minutes I am exploring my inner feelings and I forget that my hands are on the drum. When the drumming stops and we start to check feelings, when its my turn I engage in a longer discussion of my situation; feeling loneliness and its effects on my trading. At this point the PM reminds me that we are only checking feelings this time.

In the second round we report our progress. The PM share details of his participation at the Austin tribe. He tells us that he is working on his issues with authority and speaking too fast for the listener.
Another member shares his progress with setting up of a business. He feels satisfied with his progress and being on time. I share my progress of improved relationships at work and my mother.

Next the PM asks if anyone has an issue that he would like to bring to the hot seat. He mentions two of his issues that he would like to work on. He has an authority issue where he does not like to deal with anyone above his boss, his second issue is speaking too fast for the listener. He becomes aware of these issues during his Austin Tribe meeting with Ed.

I am next and the PM asks me if I had an issue that I would like to bring to the hot seat. Lately, I have been feeling vulnerable and scared about my trading. I feel fear about my trading method and find myself wondering and worrying about my trading. I feel this way only when I am alone but I never think about my trading when I surrounded by people or in the company of family or friends.

I share this with the tribe, one of the members says that it is not unusual for a trader to feel insecure and worry about his trading. The PM encourages me to explore the feeling of loneliness. Other member join in and asks me to feel more lonely.

I hold my hands together and start to rub one hand with my thumb vigorously and move back and forth. The PM encourages me to do more of this and I hear other voice telling that I am very lonely, Feel more of the loneliness. I start to rub my hand more moving back and forth and start to rub my eyes with my fingers. At some point the PM tells me to stop right there, freeze, my heart is pumping faster and faster. I comply and freeze the form.

The PM asks me what do I see and can I recall an event where I felt this same feeling. I recall when I was a young boy, my cousin and I are sitting in our living room listening to music. My father enters the room and is upset for some reason. He tells me in a very sarcastic way that all I want is to have fun all the time.

He proceeds by saying that I will never amount to anything in life, he raises his hands above his shoulders "this is what you will be doing when you grow up" (as a gesture of being a laborer) with a very stern face and leave the room.

I feel very embarrassed and ashamed in the presence of my cousin. I turn off the music and leave quietly. Afterwards, I realize how this image has stuck with me for such a long period of my life.

The Tribe role play this incident. One member volunteers be my father, another member act as my cousin. We both sit on the floor listening to music when my father enters the room, he starts to scold, tells me that I will amount to nothing, all I want is to have fun all the time. I look up in despair and confusion with tears in my eyes. At this point my cousin hands me a rock and advises me to keep this rock, works in these situations and it will keep me safe. He tells me that It has worked for him and will work for me. I am become speechless, my throat is heavy, my heart is beating fast. I am unable to reply to him and take the rock from him.

As we repeat the process, I gather some courage and try to return the rock but he refuses and insists that I keep the rock. He says it will keep me safe. I try to gather courage. I look in his eyes and force him to open his hand and take back his rock. He takes back the rock reluctantly. I thank him for his concern and tell him that the rock has worked in the past but I want to change now and do not need this rock anymore.

When my father enters the room again, and proceeds to scold me, I listen politely and the then ask him to share with me how he feels about me having fun all the time. He starts to share his feelings. He tells me that he feels disappointment and fear for me being a failure in life. He then he me how I feel, I tell him that I feel confused and insecure. I feel my father does not love me.

The PM encourages us to share more of those feelings, we share more feelings. The PM then hands me a different rock. He tells me that this is rock made of intimacy and love and it will help us share our feelings. I keep the new rock and we end the role play.

I release the tribe member form their roles of father and cousin and welcome them to the tribe as a member and friend.

After the role play I feel a heavy burden lifted off my chest and share my feelings with the tribe members during the checkout.

Thank you for sharing your process and for documenting your meeting.
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