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August 1-10, 2004




(Quotes from Ed in Red)


Tue, 10 Aug 2004


SVO (present tense)

Hi Ed!

... Here is my experience with our TT meeting on August 5th.

TTP – The importance of SVO (present tense)

I commit to SVO (present tense). I think about our TTP meeting on August 5th. Ed discusses the importance of SVO (present tense) before the meeting. I understand how SVO (present tense) keeps you in the NOW. As I think about the words I write and the speech I use, I stay in the now. I use SVO (present tense) in everything I say, write and think. I stay focused. I am ready to act, now. I speak less. I use fewer words. I communicate more effectively. I feel confident. SVO (present tense) is the most direct form of communication in the English language.

I see how SVO (present tense) it is in line with trend following. As I back test my trading system with fewer rules, very clear, very simple rules along with a more diversified portfolio, I realize a system that feels right for me. My system evolves, as I do.

Thank you for the lesson, Ed.

Now: Wow!



Being present in the present


is the present you present.


Clip: http://tubes.ominix.com/art/holiday/



Tue, 10 Aug 2004


People Need Tribes


Cuddling Strangers Latest Craze for Singles
Reuters: Mon Aug 9, 2004


Like others, the chance to meet someone was a consideration in attending a cuddle party.


"People in a way are looking for a connection," said Fernando. "It's weird, but not unusual."


A man named Dwayne H., who described himself as introverted, said he thought the parties would help him relax before strangers and help him express his feelings.


"I have a problem showing emotion," he said.





Yes. TTP helps people develop connection skills and emotional expression skills.

Mon, 9 Aug 2004


Final Check Out

Dear Ed,

Thank you for effecting my life in such positive ways. The Incline Village Trading Tribe is a special brotherhood of traders dedicated to personal integrity. For the first time in my life I feel I am emotionally and mechanically prepared to ride trends ...

When joining the tribe my goals were to increase understanding of trading and decrease personal drama. It may take years to achieve these goals; however, the tribe has brought me closer to accomplishing them. I am thankful and proud to have been a member of The Incline Village Trading Tribe.


Sun, 8 Aug 2004


Re-discovering the wheel

Ed Says: Just about everything works once in a while.

Betting Everything You Have on the Six (dice) works sometimes.


I look for a robust, reliable method. I choose ... 1 hour charts. I can't beat commissions in this frame. Then I proceed to daily charts (18 years of history) and I work with a simple breakout method. System starts to show a profit and I feel it's quite robust. Actually, I like the logic and simplicity of breakouts.

Then I proceed to include some add-ons such as a momentum entry filters and volatility based exits, in the hope to reduce drawdown. The overall end performance I get with add-ons cannot outperform a simple breakout technique.

I am not sure whether I qualify as a trading dummy.

As you experiment and test various systems - and as you work to free your self from drama, your trading system and you as a trader tend to converge toward something that works.


Trading Dummy


He can't figure out the markets

and doesn't even try.


He just follows the trends.



Clip: http://www.sti.nasa.gov/


Sun, 08 Aug 2004


Good Feelings

Dear Mr. Seykota,

Firstly, I would just like to say thank you for a very informative and stimulating website.

As I understand the TT process, it is to encourage participants to truly feel so called "bad" feelings. This avoids negative dramas engineered by Fred (because people are unwilling to feel their feelings and are thus forced into feeling them by Fred) from occurring in real life.

My question is - if one deliberately avoids feeling "good" feelings, then will Fred engineer dramas or situations in real life which force one to feel those "good" feelings?

Since all feelings are our friends and it is the objective of Fred to make us feel them, this surely must be the case?

Apologies if this has been asked before, but it only occurred to me recently.

Best Regards

Good and Bad  indicate judgment, and are not part of TTP.


Fred is a feelings pump.  When we are unwilling to experience a feeling, Fred keeps raising the pressure, typically by engineering drama.


When you become willing to experience all your feelings, good and bad cease to apply.


In the culturally prevalent model of good and bad feelings, we are willing to experience the good ones, so they pass without much event.





is a feelings pump



Clip: http://vivas.hypermart.net/


Sat, 7 Aug 2004


Setting Stops

Dear Mr. Seykota,

When testing and using a moving-average crossover system like Donchian's 20 & 5 system, where would you recommend to set the initial risk stop? Below or above the slow moving average or below the nearest support or resistance on the chart after you get a buy or sell signal? Thank you for your help. Yours sincerely.

Donchian's 5-and-20 system signals when the 5-day moving average crosses the 20-day moving average.


Thus, signals appear after the close, for entry on the following opening.


You might also pre-compute the price at which the averages cross, and enter that price as a stop on the close.


There is no provision on the 5-and-20 day system for an initial risk stop, other than that inherent in the averages.

Sat, 7 Aug 2004



Aug. 7, 2004

Hi Ed,

Morgen, morgen nur nicht heute, sagen alle faulen Leute . That is another version of the round TUIT coin I adopt as currency too often.

I stand up in front of my fellow Oct. '03 workshop participants and make a commitment about discipline. On Dec. 31, '03 I write a proclamation (number 7) about discipline with respect to trading and healthy eating.


I am not honest with my fellow workshop participants, my local tribe members or myself. This year my trading is mediocre at best and I put on 1.5 stone in weight rather than lose it.

What is my point.. what am I doing wrong, WHY WHY WHY. I attend regular TTP sessions and overall my life is great. I have tremendous support from my family and local tribe, however TTP is not 'fixing' certain things. I often use the metaphor of not firing on all cylinders and that is still the case. There are many positive results, yet a few slips of discipline i.e a missed signal, a doughnut instead of an apple, a stop not executed et. al. can alter the overall results tremendously.

Do you hear of other regular TTP participants that make progress and have many positive results from the work, yet are frustrated at not overcoming the obstacles that stand between them and being great?


I believe results = intentions. I have no excuse for undisciplined trading / eating, continue to attend meetings, but find myself asking why it is not working for me. I know it is a contradiction to accept TTP principles yet also ask why.


My frustrations lies in not getting the results I want, yet I am responsible for the results. I go to the hot seat time and time again, but there is no huge AHA that finally puts me on a different path. In one of the pollinator articles the author mentions the power of 'won't' with respect to change. I have the power in Olympic proportions until NOW when won't changes to will.

I realize my work with TTP is an ongoing process. There are 2 main reasons I write in today. The first is to re-commit NOW to my fellow workshop attendees and more importantly to myself. I commit to disciplined trading and healthy eating. I vividly see my snapshot and everyday work toward that goal. The second reason is to wish you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Everybody gets what they want. 


You too are getting what you want, including getting to pretend you are not getting what you want.  This drama may help justify your frustration.


You might take your feelings of frustration into the process.


If you really want to lose weight, study slim people.



Very Short-Term Weight Loss Plan ...


Get in an elevator ...

and take it down, to a lower floor.



Clip: http://www.bodytrends.com/



Fri, 6 Aug 2004




Hi Ed !

What a week in the stock market ! Glad my accounts are 85% cash.

Trend Trading tends to keep you out of the markets, and safe during severe declines.

Fri, 6 Aug 2004


(Belated???) Happy Birthday

Dear Sir,

I keep trying to recall whether your birthday is Aug 2 or Aug 6. Hopefully I get it right that it is Aug 6, and happy birthday! (If not, still happy birthday)

The interesting thing I notice is that I thought about this before Aug 2, and at that time, somehow I decided to wait till Aug 6. But after Aug 2, I feel that if it were indeed Aug 2, I'd have missed it. So for the last three days (Aug 3-5), somehow I keep "regretting" because I feel an increasing chance that I am wrong. (Even now I think I'm probably wrong and it is Aug 2) It's like being in a trade that each day I keep thinking I've made the wrong choices.

Yeah, lots of feelings...I know I know, take it to TTP. (BTW, I've had a very intense session this week in the tribe meeting, and I'm writing down in my journal. I'd like to share it with you later on after I organize it)

Thanks for teaching us all these techniques to get in touch with our feelings!! THANKS!!!

One thought just crosses my mind - what if it is neither Aug 2 nor Aug 6? I never thought about that possibility ...

You might have a look at the importance you place on guessing the "right" answer.


My birthday is August 7.

Thu, 5 Aug 2004




In TTP we experience and explore our feelings, never asking questions. We let our feelings out and do not judge them. So we just experience the feeling until it is released.


The release process is similar to the release of tensions that we feel from a good exercise program.


Especially in yoga the continual stretching releases muscular knots and tensions. You state that TTP supports yoga.


Is the TTP process that much different than exercise release as we do not ask why or explore the reasons behind our feelings.

Yoga devotees strive to learn and master classic Yoga postures.


TTP forms arise naturally, from internal k-nots.  TTP forms tend to synthesize automatically into composite forms that bear a resemblance to classic Yoga postures.





Clip: http://www.bibliomcq.qc.ca/


Wed, 4 Aug 2004


Releasing Knowledge

Creates Space for Understanding

In Easan's "Discovery" post on the Pollinators page, he asserts; "Ed shares these discoveries whole-heartedly, as he often notices teaching releases him from the burden of knowledge, and opens up mental and emotional space for more discoveries."

This statement is very interesting to me. Please explain more about this process.

To put more water in a glass, first, empty it.



A river conducts more water

than does a glass,


even a very large glass.



Clip: http://www.epa.gov/region7/


Wed, 4 Aug


Half-a-Yoga Essay

Hi Ed

Here is an essay describing my hot seat experience from a few weeks ago.



A Half-a-Yoga Experience.


The Half-a-Yoga and polarity processes are fascinating and new extensions of TTP.


During these experiences opposing but related feelings are reunited, released, and recomposed.  The feelings are expressed in physical forms, some of which, are yoga postures.   When the opposing feelings are reunited, the old forms and feelings lose their charge and their influence on our behavior is lessened.  However, it is important to remember that the old feelings are not removed. Instead, they are reframed into a useful team that allows one to be ever more present without interference from associated drama.


The background of my drama is related to my name.  [Same as a famous person]  Growing up with this famous name was not easy.  I was frequently made fun of by other kids at school.  It was especially difficult for me around the 6th grade when I changed schools and was the new kid.  The one event that really defines this drama was roll call at the beginning of this particular school year.  At each class throughout the day, roll was called and when my name was announced everyone would burst out laughing.  This made me feel very embarrassed and humiliated.  These experiences have had a tremendous effect on my behavior and self-perception for nearly twenty years.


At the July 8, 2004, meeting of the Incline Village Trading Tribe, I participated in a Half-a-Yoga polarity process of these feelings.  Early in the meeting, a visiting member of the [City] Tribe was on the hot seat.  There was something in his experience that triggered a memory of my name drama.  I brought up this fact and the Tribe soon had me on the hot seat.  At first, I was describing the drama through conscious mind, and found it difficult getting an entry point into the feelings.  The Tribe was quick to seize on the fact that it was the embarrassment from teasing that set me off.  By making fun of my name, I was able to quickly get into the feelings.  It was like a time warp and I was back in the 6th grade all over again.  The feelings of embarrassment and humiliation were as real as they could be and I went into my first form by crunching my head to my knees while pulling on my hair.


I made my way to the floor of the room and the Tribe lead me through a maze of feelings and forms. 


Initially these forms felt violent.  From flopping around like a fish out of water to intense flexing of muscles while screaming as loudly as possible.  The Tribe lead me on, encouraging to let it all out and go wherever the feelings would lead.  My memory of my actual thoughts at this time are vague.  I was simply focusing on the feelings and felt them for what they were. 


Eventually, I recall a desire to express the feelings in more traditional yoga poses.  I have practiced yoga for many years so these poses were not new to me.  The decision to express through yoga was not a conscious one. It just happened and felt “right.”  It was what my body felt like doing.  By focusing on the feelings while in the yoga postures, I felt an intense release of the feelings. 


It was like an incredibly heavy load was taken off my back.  Nearing completion of the process, I remember Ed telling me, “there is something that your body wants to do to put all of these feeling together.  Do it now!”


I can distinctly remember wanting to do a headstand, but my conscious mind was telling me, “don’t do it.”  At first, I held back.  In my mind, I feared the spot light and the attention that it would bring to me.  This was just like how I felt during roll call.  I ran through the feelings: embarrassment, humiliation, fear.  In an instant, I was on my head, upside down, experiencing a balance I cannot describe in words.  Rocking back and forth, legs over the head, legs back to parallel with floor, I found balance and harmony in the moment.


I have known of this name drama for many years.  I initially identified this issue while working with [Therapist].  She is an NLP specialist and she helped me see how this was a big drama in my life.  However, we went no further then identifying the drama.  Identifying a drama does not resolve the drama. 


Until my experience in the hot seat, I had not felt the feelings.  They were still very much alive and influencing my behavior.  In his essay, Discovery, Easan Katir states many important points regarding the polarity process.  He says, “The emotions a sender feels are one part of a dipole.  There is another part of the knot, another emotion, which is the set up for the first.”  He continues, “So the suppressed emotion arising by itself is not the complete event.  It extrudes from some other emotion. The only insulator between them (emotions) is the concept of time, or more precisely, the partitioning thought ‘not now.’  The unwillingness to face the second part of the dipole in the present is what creates the seeming future.”


In my own experiences over many years, I felt humiliation and embarrassment during introductions.  I wanted to avoid introductions at all costs.  Eventually,  I became very fearful of meeting new people and thus had a difficult time at social events and I avoided them.  It is very difficult to meet new people and build relationships when you are afraid of being humiliated by everyone. 


It is quite clear to me now why I have been reclusive in my behavior.  I have been influenced all of these years by disassociated but clearly connected feelings of humiliation and fear. 


They ran my life.  Now, the feelings have been felt and reunited.  I have a new sense of who [I am], and I am quite happy to be myself.  If others want to make fun of my name they may do so. Just being myself is a very liberating experience that I am still enjoying weeks after the hot seat.  Have the feelings been removed? No. As Ed would say, “this is not feeling-ectomy.”  The feelings have been united into a team that is my ally.  The team reminds me of how liberating it is to be the one and only [me].  I am eternally thankful for the support and encouragement of the Trading Tribe.  I could not have done it myself.







Half-a-Yoga with a Smile

Tue, 3 Aug 2004


IV_TT Application

Hi Ed,

I sent you an e-mail last Saturday. Unfortunately, they did not reach you. So I try again, now.

Thank you for your time on July 22. Per our conversation, I am applying for membership to the IV trading tribe. I attached three, one page word documents for your review. I am available during the week from 7:30am to 4:30pm for a telephone conversation / interview.

Moreover, during our conversation we discussed your intentions on creating a trading tribe that manages money. I had a light, white buzzing feeling in my chest as you spoke, I loved the feeling. I want to be a part of your organization, so I also apply for this as well, now.





My Trading Rationale.

I have experience on the “sell” side and on the “buy” side of the business. The trading desks I’ve experienced have focused on short-term trading, making markets to clients, moving size, and arbitraging. In the corporate world (the buy side), I’ve moved large blocks of currencies through the inter-dealers, and have dealt with phone clerks and traders on the floor of commodities exchanges.

In my experience, I’ve witnessed long-term trend followers and I believe the benefits of following trends. In the past 2 years, I’ve read and studied trend following strategies and began trading a medium term trend following program less than a year ago. As a former sell side commodities trader, I’m comfortable using stop-losses, and I willingly accept these losses, because I know in the long run, I’ll win. My win/loss ratio is ~35%; my winners are significantly larger than my losses.

I studied charts extensively throughout my career but had no understanding of how to back-test ideas. In 2002, I purchased trading recipes. I use this software to back test ideas. It is an excellent tool for money management but has limitations, like back testing trade ranking and purging.

I trade a systematic mechanical breakout system. This is a long/short system based on 89-day highs and lows, followed with an initial 3-day lowest low or highest high stop, then when the 13-day low or high passes the initial stop the 13-day low or high becomes my stop. I originally traded a few sectors - financial futures, energies/metals and currencies with this method. I recently back tested a larger more diversified portfolio and I am finding that 89/13 might be too short a time horizon for me. In any case, I continue to trade this system and will make modifications as I learn more and build confidence in my system.

In summary, I follow trends, I cut my losses short, I have rules surrounding my entrances and exits, I manage bet size on each trade, I love to trade, and I love to win.



12/03 – [Name] Management, LLC – Created CPO in January of 2004. Pool follows a medium-term systematic trend following program. Prospecting high net worth individuals in the ... area.

10/01 – 12/03 [Name] Corporation – Implemented and managed global foreign exchange hedging program (~10 countries, ~$2 billion program). Implemented and managed fixed income investment portfolio (board approved, ~$1.5 billion portfolio). Implemented and managed equity portfolio (~$100 million), writing covered calls, liquidating positions, and acquiring positions in new target companies. Implemented and managed global cash program.

7/99 – 10/01 [Name], Inc – Implemented and managed global foreign exchange hedging program (board approved, ~20 countries, ~$10 billion program) using forwards, plain vanilla and exotic options. Created and still maintain relationships with major currency dealers (Goldman, Sachs & Co, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Citigroup, and Morgan Stanley)

5/98 – 7/99 [Company] – Currency training program (3 months) – currency trader. Made markets in spot, forward and options markets. Worked customer orders. Traded short-term proprietary positions.

9/96 – 5/98 [Name] Business School, MBA, double major in financial engineering and international economics, Interned at [Firm]. Focused on spot currencies, forwards and options for G7 and emerging market countries.

1/95 – 9/96 [Commission House] – Silver trader. Made markets on spot prices, arbitraged spot vs. futures (EFP’s), worked customer orders, traded short-term proprietary positions.

9/93 – 1/95 Independent Trader – Short-term floor trader – traded futures and options on energies, metals, coffee, sugar, cocoa, OJ and cotton.

5/91 – 9/93 [Commission House] – Junior metals trader. Made markets on spot prices, arbitraged spot vs. futures (EFP’s), worked customer orders, and acted as floor arbitrage clerk for both NY and London dealers.

9/87 – 5/91 [Name] University – BS finance, Varsity Lacrosse for 2 years. Big brother mentor for 4 years. Worked summers at [Broker].

84 – 91 [Broker] - summer employment during high school and college. Began as a runner on a fixed income floor, ended as a junior trader on [Firm] metals desk.



My Understanding and Experience with the Trading Tribe Process.

TTP begins with a group of like-minded individuals; in our case, these individuals are traders. The group believes that clear communication between Fred and CM is instrumental in realizing ones full potential, as a trader, a tribe member, and as a human being. Members of a trading tribe are proficient in their understanding of TTP, are caring of other members, are non-judgmental of other members, are committed to constant attendance and participation, and are committed to personal growth as well as tribe growth.

Each session begins with check-in. During check-in, each member describes his or her current feelings. Feelings are described in detail using colors, shapes, sizes, weights, motions, and locations (ex. I feel good. I feel a warm buzzing feeling around my heart, it has a reddish, yellow glow to it and it pulses with my breathing. The warmth wells up my chest and flows out of my face; I smile. This is my ‘feel good’ feeling.) Sometimes members check-in by describing lingering, slight feelings felt at that moment but were experienced more intensely between the last tribe meeting and this one, this feeling might be a concern for the member and are sometimes excellent entrance points for the hot seat (ex. I bought Crude on Tuesday, it made historical highs, and right after I got long, I had a burning tight feeling in my stomach, I didn’t like the feeling, I still feel it a little, now.)

Once check-in is complete, we take a few minutes to exercise our breathing techniques, this helps us to clear our minds and focus on TTP. After breathing, we drum. Drumming seems to synchronize group rhythm. A high feeling check-in is usually followed by a deep, primal drumming session. I love to drum.

After drumming, the floor opens for members to take the hot seat. The hot seat is where members experience and send their feelings to the fullest degree. Other members, act as receivers during this process. Receivers assist a sender to stay focused on feelings. Receivers also encourage a sender to feel their feelings more intensely, supportive words like “yes”, “That’s it, stay with it”, “It’s okay, to feel this way”, and “You’ve wanted to feel this for a long time”, are examples of verbal support associated with a receiver. Moreover, the receivers can mimic the motions of a sender; this sometimes helps a receiver stay in tune with a sender.


Usually, after a sender has experienced feelings with the support of a tribe, “aha’s” happen. Aha’s are experienced when a feeling passes and answers or ideas of answers come flying into CM. Actually, it is at this moment when Fred and CM are communicating with virtually no distractions.


It is a moment of clarity. Once Fred and CM have communicated, the sender now has new positive energy surrounding the issue. Progress is made, not only for the sender but for receivers as well. Sometimes, senders experience several different feelings before aha’s, judges sometimes distract senders from experiencing feelings. Sometimes an aha is a feeling passing, no answers or ideas of answers, no apparent solution (I use that word loosely), the feeling as passed, that might be the aha – Fred just wanted you to experience the feeling. It is imperative that a sender and receivers are committed to experience feelings.

After our meeting, we drum, and check-out. Check-outs are sometimes more relaxed and motivated than check-ins, perhaps due to TTP.


Tue, 3 Aug 2009


Phone Consultation

Ed, I visited with you in your home in 1998. The purpose of this visit was an in-person consultation to discuss trend trading.


I learned many things about myself, my trading style and goals on that visit. Again, I thank you. My intention is to have a phone consultation with you. I now have a CTA company and am working with my son as I planned when I visited with you. My difficulty lies in the ambiguity or variances I see when we evaluate charts.


The combined charts of nearest futures, the nearby and the next distant contract often show considerable pattern and price differences causing me to freeze in indecision and miss potentially profitable trades.


This seem to have become more prevalent lately especially in the physical commodities. Perhaps it is part psychological because we are in the worst major drawdown of our two year career, we were up over 60 percent in our first 23 months before this recent period.


My trading system is well defined with a small discretionary component. I would also like to briefly discuss client relations and risk management also. All of the answers to the questions we discussed in 1998 were so correct and proved to be of great help.


I often to this day think of that meeting and review it as if it were somehow recorded in my brain. I could use your insight. Thanks

Send me some examples of the kind of price behavior you associate with freezing.


Follow the retainer instructions at Private Consulting at the bottom of the Ground Rules page.

Mon, 2 Aug 2004


Summer Camp

Hi Ed !

I feel good teaching yoga.


The Half-a-Yoga Process seems to resolve into meditative yoga.

Mon, 2 Aug 2004


Family the Essential Tribe

Dear Ed,

We are very tired in the photo but, here is my "Family the Essential Tribe" picture.


Our greatest accomplishments seem to occur without much participation from CM.

Mon, 2 Aug 2004


Subject: Split-adjusted Data Looks into Non-Existing Future

Dear Chief Ed,

A warning for system developers...

Split-adjusted stock data inherently looks into the non-existing future because it adjusts for splits that have not now occurred. This means that if you reward low prices (or ATR etc.) in portfolio or trade selection, your simulation will give overly optimistic results. You get amazing results when you combine a long term trend following system with a stock selection algorithm that that tends to select stocks that are going to split many times during a 15 year test run.

Thankfully I learn a lot from my first physics recitation at MIT in which we answer the question "how much does the Great Dome weigh?" I learn the idea of determining what is reasonable from crude estimation. Since the results of my test are much better than I expect, I am alert to the possibility of a bug. I am unable to find any bugs in my testing code, but I do notice a that I am dividing a percentage change by an ATR in one of my system's formulas. That is odd, but it doesn't look into the future. I correct the formula to what I originally intend. Results decline dramatically. I ponder this. Then I experience an AHA. My code does not look into the future, but my data does! I am careful to avoid using absolute prices in the future, but I make a typo and do it again. After burning myself with variations of this error twice, I rewrite my custom testing software to use actual, non-adjusted data. Handling splits is a pain, but I find the extra realism and safety against looking into the "future" it allows to be more than worth the trouble.

A small TTP success...

I am attending TTP meetings since May. TTP helps me identify a fear that is preventing me from trading my  father-in-law's account. I remember my father ridicules me when I am in the second grade for making a B minus because it is almost a C. I think Fred fears ridicule by a father figure for being right less than 80% of the time. I can trade my own account profitably being right only 40-45% of the time, but I can't pull the trigger in my father-in-law's account because he will see how often I am wrong. I decide to discuss the issue with my father-in-law. He is actually quite supportive. I still have some issues with managing his money, but the fear of being wrong no longer bothers me like it did before I took it to TTP.


P.S. The correct average attendance figure for the Cary, NC group is now 3. Meetings are now alternate Wednesdays at 7:00pm. Contact is the same.

While you are at it, you might notice that historical data bases drop de-listed issues, so the data bases have a bias toward uppity up up and away systems.




If You Tune Your System

to Catch Superman


It might not work so well on

Clark Kent



Clip: http://www.intuitivewebdesigns.com/




Sun, 1 Aug 2004



Ed Says: When you are willing to experience your mate just the way she is, she loses her power to control you and she becomes your ally.

Your judgment of her judgment empowers it.

Talking about mates, I have had a great distress out of a conflicting relationship with a girlfriend, over the past year and months.


Eventually, we seemingly could not sum up forces. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what happened, as I tried to do my best to no avail. A lot of opportunities to experience sadness and frustration. Fred is in the playground.

When I accept you, just the way you are, including the part of you that does not accept me, then I offer intimacy.


Anything less is an invitation to play games.

Sun, 1 Aug 2004



Dear Ed,

I remember you talk about how the things we don't accept have power over us. The key is to accept things as they are, accept people as they are. These have very profound impact in me. Here's a story I just come across, and I think of your teachings as I read it:

"...My dad used to criticize me incessantly when I was a child. And my constant question was, 'Why won't he just accept me as I am?' What I didn't realize was that as long as I kept my attention on him, I was literally keeping the whole destructive process in place.

The breakthrough came decades later. My father had continued to criticize me of course, and I kept wanting him to stop it. In other words, I kept wanting him to change. The breakthrough came in realizing that I was doing to him exactly what I was accusing him of doing to me. That is, I wanted him to change and be different, which was exactly his position towards me.

This realization was such a reversal of everything I had previously thought about him that it just floored me. And it came none too soon - in early 1984, just six months before my father died. In those last six months, my father and I were able to heal our relationship. And here's how it happened:

As I realized that it was I who wasn't accepting him - specifically, that I was not accepting his non-acceptance of me - I decided to accept my dad exactly as he was, including his non-acceptance of me. I became much more spacious towards my dad, because I no longer wanted him to be any different. It became perfectly fine with me if my dad wanted to keep on criticizing me; why should I want him to be any different?

My dad noticed this greater spaciousness coming from me towards him. He definitely noticed it, because it began coming out in my speech and actions and attitude. And guess what? The last thing I expected happened. My dad began to respond to this increased spaciousness, and began to act more spacious towards me.

Milabile dictu! Years of banging my head against the wall trying to get him to change didn't work, yet once I accepted that he simply was as he was, and stopped offering resistance to that, suddenly everything in our relationship shifted.

Notice that the breakthrough didn't come from focusing on getting him to act differently, or even from getting myself to act differently, but rather, from an internal acceptance of reality as it is."

Thanks Ed! I appreciate it.


Sun, 1 Aug 2004


Waiting for FAQ

Dear Ed,

It's been a long wait since the 16 July '04 post.

Often during the waiting period, I re-visit your previous answers, and it invariably gives me the inspiration I seek. (Everybody gets what they want ... ? )

Thank you.

( p.s. I am amazed by the fact that just reading your answers alone, is an education by itself; sometimes the questions too, are insightful - )

Having had the privilege of reading [drafts of] your two books - I feel - FAQ is a worthy sequel.

'.. abandon the position, not the process....,
transpose your position and metaform your
situation...... ' are the phrases from 'Meta - Formation of Winning' that reverberate...

Sincere Regards,

Metaform: [meta = in place of + form = instance] (v) to change something by changing only your own attitude about it.