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April 17 - 30, 2009

 

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Note: The intention of inclusion of charts in FAQ is to illustrate trading principles - The appearance of a chart does not imply any kind of indication or recommendation to buy, sell, hold or stay out of any positions.

 

 

Contributors Say

(Previous from Ed in Red)

Ed Says

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Control and Intimacy

Hi Ed,

Thank you for the lesson on control vs. intimacy. I can see how in relationships control tends to reduce intimacy. I can also see my own issue with wanting more control.

However, I wonder if they are necessarily mutually exclusive, that gain in one must equate to loss in another. In particular, I wonder if it's even preferable to be able to have control over THINGS (note,
NOT people).

I wonder if we may distinguish control over people vs. control over things / environment. It seems the former is likely harmful while the latter may be necessary. For example, most people would work on "controlling" their golf swing rather than having an intimate relationship with their golf swing. Maybe the latter is indeed helpful, although I am not sure how to "receive" a golf swing per se.

In TTP, the distinction is between controlling your own stuff and trying to control other people's stuff - or other people.

 

You might consider taking your feelings about <private property> to Tribe.

 

 

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Workshop Feedback
TTP Works - and Faster Than You Might Think


Ed,

First I want to thank Ed, Charles and all the participants of the workshop for the support. It is an amazing time.

We start the exercises “How are you thinking”, “How are you feeling?” I notice that no men can look at my eyes, only the woman. That time I think that the others man have the issue to not look at the eyes of other men. After the exercise I notice that I can’t look at the eyes of the other man. I remember once I have an interview and my ex-boss saying: “Are you good sales?”, “Are you shy?” he says I'm asking those questions because you cannot look at my eyes during the interview.

 

After the workshop I can look at the eyes of the man. It’s amazing how different is the communications when you look at the eyes.

My experience on the hot seat during the workshop is amazing. I sit with the process manager and two receivers and I start to develop the forms of not stick to my system and trust. I start shaking my hands with the support of the receivers and the PM and start to lean and after I start feeling something in my stomach I put my hand on my stomach and I want to pour out with the receivers giving support and saying: “If you want to pour out you can pour out here, “go for it”, “good job”, and I pour out on the floor. After my hot seat I feel more relaxed but I want to go to the restroom and then I pour out a lot with a strong desire.

 

Then I get my AHA. My mom has some issues with leaving food on the plate and/or in the dining room, so I always (ate) a lot not leaving food on the plate. Next day on Sunday we start the workshop and we start to eat the breakfast. I leave half of the food on the plate without any feeling or emotion. I don’t remember once me leaving food on the plate. I always (ate) everything. It is ok to leave food on the plate. It is what Ed says: “The problem with TTP is that works” and works faster than you think.

In the end of the workshop I start to say goodbye to everyone and I say goodbye to Charles Faulkner and he makes an honest and sincere compliment to me. I start to cry and cry a lot. I receive a support from [Name]. My father knows me for 33 years and he never ever praises me. I meet Charles on Friday night and on Sunday he praises me. TTP works!!!!

After the workshop I arrange with other 3 participants to go for a mall to shop. We arrive at 1:00pm and we combine to meet in the same place at 2:30pm. I have a list to shop. I need to go to Disney’s store and an electronic store. I don’t need to ask where the Disney store for the information is. I look for my right side it is at 150 feet from me. There is an electronic store close of the Disney I go to the store and buys all things that I need. I finish my shop in 30 minutes. Probably in the past I would need at least two hours to buy my list.

The day I leave Reno my plane is late for two hours, and I have a close connection and I lose my flight, thus I need to stay one day in SFO. It is ok, because I really want to know SFO. The amazing thing is when talk with the woman from the airline about my flight I really want my hotel for free and an upgrade for my ticket she says that she can not give me the hotel for free because that the late is caused by the weather then I ask if she can give an upgrade for my ticket. She upgrades my ticket for a business class. It is the first time I travel in a business class. I get what I want. I make my Fred happy.

I go to my hotel and the woman from the hotel asks what time I want to wake up. She asks me what time my flight leaves I say 9:48 am and answer you can wake me up at 8:50. She looks at me like saying “you will lose your flight” and say ok wake me up 8:50. I have some issues with time/be on time. That I want to work in our tribe. I wake alone 7:30 eat my breakfast and arrive at the airport at 9:10. There is a long file and I talk with the officer saying that I need to cut the line because I m late. He says that I need to go to the end of the line. I start to think I want to be in that plane and go to the end of the line. When I’m close to the same man he says. Only 6 people can cut the line. I m one of them.

I start to run through the airport and I arrive at the gate of my plane. Everybody is on the plane. I ask for the airline employer if he can ask if I can go into the plane. He calls the crew in the plane and he says. You can go. Amazing. I’m in the plane. I get what I want.

Thank you Ed, Charles and all the other participants of the workshop.

THANK YOU!!!!

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

 

 

Eye Contact

 

between willing people

 

can support intimacy.

 

Clip: http://happybrainstorm.com/wp-includes/

images/eye_contact.jpg

Thursday, April 30, 2009

 

Husband in Hospital


Dear Ed,


I'm still assimilating all the things I learned at the workshop.


I had to leave [home] and come to [City]. I am trying to continue the process, by reading the FAQ. At this time I don't know whether or not I will be in Incline by next Thursday. If I am there - I'll be at the meeting. (I'll email an update).
 

My husband is in the hospital in [City]. I am here with him. I brought my rocks. (He has a spinal leak- and has been put on bed rest for a week.) I'm trying to make this un-normal time into to something productive. I keep talking to my rocks and I think they are starting to answer me. I gained something I still don't understand by being in the Workshop Rocks process.


Thank you.

 

I hope to see you next week.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

You might consider taking your feelings about <sickness> and <health> to Tribe.

 

 

 

Sickness in Someone You Love

 

may elicit various medicinal responses in you

 

such as denial, shutting down,

pretending, avoiding.

 

Committing to stay present

and to send and especially to receive

 

can keep the connection intimate

and alive.

 

 

Clip: http://www.hospitalitynetwork.ca/images/

Image/Man%20in%20hospital%20bed.jpg

Thursday, April 30, 2009

 

More Models and Destiny
see previous



Good evening Ed,

Thank you for your extended answer!

The point I want to mention isn’t the question whether such a system can be computed or not. It is more that I wonder if things behave according the laws of nature and so don’t give us the space to live really free, without destiny.

 

But as you mention things seem to change and don’t behave in a certain way as expected. And maybe it gives us the room for living without a predetermined path.

I’ve seen a Dr. Quantum episode about the double slit experiment lately, very interesting area :-)

Have a nice day! :-)

Nature does what nature does.

 

People come along and build models of nature - sometimes calling these models laws.

 

Free-Will and Destiny are two models that aim to "explain" the evolution of the moment of now. 

 

The world proceeds to evolve very well, thank you, with and without either model.

 

 

 

Evolution

 

Clip: http://www.faculty.iu-bremen.de/

birk/lectures/PC101-2003/06mboards/site/files/

images/evolution.jpg

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Workshop Feedback – Rocks Process
NME = No More Excuses
.

 

Ed,

On Saturday morning, the second day of the workshop, Ed asks who wants to go on the hot seat. I volunteer. My issue is that I am basically numb in terms of feelings.

 

I can feel sore muscles after a workout, or rain on my skin, or the occasional headache, but I can’t feel anything inside my body. I also can’t feel hunger. My girlfriend can feel, among other things, joy and fear in her heart, nervousness in her stomach and butterflies in her intestines. I don’t have any of that. I gauge my mood by the type of thoughts I think: optimistic or pessimistic. I am not aware of feelings.

Ed asks why this is a problem. I tell him that I keep running around in circles, I can’t stick to any career path, or any country to live in, or any social circle, because I feel I am not myself and I need to change. Ed continues to express doubts whether I really have an issue. I am disappointed that he doesn’t go into my form (a nervous shiver). My disappointment makes my nervousness disappear.

After the lunch break we continue. Now I acknowledge Ed’s feelings and say that maybe I just have to accept that this is all there is in my life; a very shallow life.

 

Ed gets me to talk about some defining moments in childhood. I remember the first time my mother slaps me in the face when I am three. I am playing with my toys in the sand and my sister comes along and does something that irritates me. I pull her hair. My mother sees this, walks over, and slaps me in the face.

 

I am shocked and start to cry. My sister gets no punishment. Slapping and spanking become daily routines. Around age five I become a rebel and resist my mother. I find it unfair to be punished regularly while my sister is never punished. I rebel by doing things behind her back. I also talk back to my mother from a very young age, according to a psychologist report when I am 8. (Note: years later I read that the psychologist questioned my parents’ methods. As a result I never see him again).

My mother sets out to break my resistance: I have to do the chores that I hate most. I also have to ‘learn’ to eat food that makes me heave, and I have to wear itchy wool sweaters frequently, instead of soft cotton sweaters. Also I must learn to play the clarinet and practice it daily (I hate it). The clarinet lasts for 5 years. My parents tell me that this teaches me perseverance, because school is very easy for me and I should learn at a young age that life is not always ‘easy’.

I also recall a defining moment when I am 13 and my brother is 6. We all sit at the kitchen table and my parents have a fierce argument, with lots of yelling and shouting. When the yelling stops, my mother gives my young brother a hard slap in the face, for nothing. He starts to cry. My father shouts at him: “Don’t cry!” So he shuts up, while the tears run down his cheeks silently.

Ed points out that this shutting up and shutting down is my medicinal rock; my way of dealing with intense emotional situations. He suggests to role-play the first time my mother slaps me. [Four Workshop Participants] volunteer to play my sister, my mother, my father and my ideal parent.

I play myself, sitting on the floor like a 3-year old, playing with my toys. My ‘sister’ comes over, quasi innocently, and disturbs my play. I push her away. She kicks away my toys and I pull her hair. Then my ‘mother’ shouts at me and slaps me in the face.

 

(Note: Ed proposes that ‘mother’ slap herself on the wrist, but I say it’s OK to give me a real slap.) Then my ‘father’ talks to me in a very authoritative way and says that I should not cry, that men in our family don’t show their emotions and that I better behave like a real man. He gives me a rock that symbolizes the solution to this kind of situation: to shut up and shutdown.

Ed explains my family drama to the group in TTP terms, and shows that there is not a single cause for this drama. It’s an interplay of 4 people. A system model instead of a causal model.

Ed asks the group what other resources, besides shutting up, I could use as a child in this kind of situation. The group comes up with a number of solutions. For each solution Ed asks if that would work for me. This way we get down to 5 pro-active responses:

- tell mother how her slapping makes me feel

- ask mother/sister how they feel (when they do what they do)

- ask sister if she wants to play

- be creative

- 5%-solution: the old response of shutting down

Next we play the whole situation again, but with slight modifications now.

Instead of taking the medicinal rock from my father, I refuse it and tell him I don’t want it. Ideal parent gives me another rock with one of the new resources. I am to squeeze the new resource into the rock with my hand. We repeat the role-play five times; once for each new resource. During the process I discover that it feels good to look my mother in the eye while she slaps me. We decide to add this to my new resources.

If I recall well, in the first two new role-plays, father still tries to convince me to take the medicinal rock, which I refuse. I take the pro-active rock from ideal parent instead and squeeze the new resource into the new rock. The last 3 role-plays I don’t recall father trying to give me his rock anymore. I do remember ideal parent giving me the new rock another 3 times and I firmly squeeze each resource into it.

When I have finally squeezed all resources into my new pro-active rock, including the 5%-solution, I release the role players from their roles and welcome them back as friends and tribe members. Each role player gives his feedback, how he has experienced the role play. ‘Sister’ says she notices a difference in my posture; my shoulders are lower and my eyes are different. Someone else comments that I maintain eye-contact when I speak, as opposed to before the role play. Ed asks who else sees a difference in me. I expect maybe 6 people to raise their hand, but nearly everyone (30 participants) does! Nevertheless, I don’t feel very different from before. But I do feel relaxed, more confident, and I have a light headache.

I will keep you posted as to how this works out...

I would like to thank all participants for their contribution and their feedback in various other exercises during the workshop. I especially want to thank Charles Faulkner for his very effective method of showing us how to realize our “Big Wave” in life.

It makes me see how I keep dodging my own commitments to myself. And I especially want to thank you, Ed, for being there with your great insight, your banjo and your butt, all firmly in the Now.

 

You inspire me to really go for it. No more being my own enemy, but being an NME-guy instead (No More Excuses)

Thank you for sharing your process - and for doing so in detail.

 

I'd like to know if you begin to notice changes in your relationships, in your ability to feel things and in your appetite.

 

Slow Motion Slap Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRHK0K2ii6Q

 

 

 

Slapping a Child

 

The stressor sets up the tension

 

while The Rock Donor

 

teaches him how to respond.

 

 

Clip: http://www.unsw.edu.au/images/pad/

2009/Jan/child_slap_inside.jpg

Thursday, April 30, 2009
 

Balancing Trading and Life


Hi Ed,


I have written in a few times in the past and always find your responses very helpful. Thank you. I trade a trend following system that I keep in my mind. Yes, it can be Fred's playground at times and hurt me.

 

It also allows my intuition freedom to guide me to the markets and situations that will likely be most profitable for me. When my mind is clear (usually the case), The system works very well. I have had 100%+ returns for 3 years now, 330% in 08'.

 

As you might imagine, it is volatile at times, occasionally with 35%+ drawdowns. Here is the problem and question: When I am trading profitably with high heat, I have trouble sleeping, and often feel I am losing interest with the rest of my life.

 

I hang on every price move yet I still follow the system. The problem is that this works well. My risk levels are high, but logic, experience, and back testing tell me that this is the way to make the most money.

 

And as a trader I would prefer high risk high return because it works and is making me rich. As a person it is very emotionally draining and debasing, and I feel like I have trouble relating to people who aren't traders because 75% of my life is spent in the trading world.

 

And when your 25, having a social and sex life is important too. I wonder if this is a sacrifice I need to make to realize my dream of a happy and wealthy life. I am curious what your take is on this. What if your risk is right in back-testing but you still can't sleep at night?

I do not see you indicating any of this is a problem.

 

You might consider if you are using trading, successfully, to protect yourself from having to deal with intimacy.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Workshop Feedback:

Giving up Controlling Others

see previous

 

Ed,

In the morning my wife wakes me up by searching physical closeness. I reach my hands and do not dare to touch her. I tremble. Am I forcing her again, am I invading her limits? She smiles and says “sure you can touch me!.” I do. She kisses me and says “By acting the way you act now, you can get from me everything you need.” Aha.

 

She tells me that she needs some time until she can give me intimacy. Of course. She says that it seems like the end of the nightmare. I remember comparing my workshop experience with a nightmare. Aha. She says that I am so different. I ask her how she feels about the change. She likes it; she says that I am again the old one, the one with the big heart.

My son (11 years) does not stand up. It is getting late. Where lies the limit between paternal authority and control? I have to find it out.

During breakfast my children mount a big argument. They shout. I do not try to control the situation: my legs tremble (some days ago I could not walk as I gave up control). It is not bad. I observe them and try to find an appropriate response.

 

I decide for “Children, you want to fight. It is OK, but mom and I don't want to hear the shouting. Go to the living room and keep on fighting as long as you will. At 8:00 you have to depart to school”. The fighting goes on and on. They want to bang the door. “No, I don't want you to break down my house”. I control myself, not them. I control the limits of the situation, beyond them they can act as they like.

I have to evaluate every sentence, every thought. I am appalled about the automaticity of old responses. I have to re-program the whole system from scratch.

I take lunch with two friends (women). They were very supportive during the last months and know my version of my marital trouble. I tell them the new version: I am the villain. The first time I expected them to comfort me and to feel compassion. Am I trying to control them now? No, because I don't know what feelings my new story can arise. In this version, I do not suffer: I induce suffering, I am abusive, I am wrong. I tell the story completely matter-of-fact, without voice expression.

 

Both listen without facial expression. At the end they say that I am a nice person, that they keep supporting me and wish me the best in this new phase. I observe that I can even control people by looking at them in their eyes while saying certain things with a certain facial expression: inducing compassion, anger, joy, acknowledgment…

I discuss an issue with a colleague who frequently tries to control me. I observe that I talk to him completely matter-of-factly and observe his attempts to manipulate me. I find it interesting to compare the several communication styles with people I can or cannot control.

In the evening I sit by my wife in the kitchen. I reach to touch her hand. She holds mine. We talk for a long time, just holding hands. I tell her about my feelings in the last days. Am I trying to manipulate her? I talk slowly, I think twice before I formulate a sentence. It is real work. I listen to her. During our conversation she repeats several times “I cannot believe it! You are another person!”. We have an invitation to a dinner from some people which she does not like. I am baffled: this reproduces exactly the situation during the role playing in Reno! Now I know how to respond. Weird…

My daughter (8 years old) tells me about her fears of a specific situation. I listen carefully to her. I can promise her that this will never happen again, but I don't think that this helps her. She confirms it: “So many people break their promises!”. Am I trying to fix her? No, she is asking me for help. I don't know how to help her. I accept that I cannot control some things. Aha. I promise her to think about a way to help her and discuss it with her.

In the night I dream of a friend asking me not to call him by phone anymore. I am worried about losing a friend. I want to share my feelings about losing him with him. I send him an email about it.

Ed suggested to share my postings of the last days and his answers with members of my Tribe. I receive feedback from them. I observe how my feelings about the story change during the conversation.

I realize that there is a thin line between controlling feelings of people during a meeting and “teasing” them to help them isolate their own feelings. I understand Ed's indication to frequently ask for permission to do that.

However, my associates report substantial improvement after our meetings. It is a dilemma. In the morning an email from [Workshop Participant Name] gives me the solution. He writes:

“You have changed me not through control, but by being an inspiration and an example, thanks”.

I understand.

I am worried about the reaction of Ed to this email. I am afraid of reading that I am just playing games and not making any progress.

I have to work on my relationship to <my father> on the hot seat.

Yours,

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

The response you are getting from your wife and children indicates you are emphasizing receiving and de-emphasizing sending.

 

You might consider further extension.  For example, in your lunch with your lady friends, you might focus on listening to their feelings rather then tell them about yourself; you become less of a lecturer and more of a quiet example.

 

You might notice if talking about "your change" is part of a strategy to win attention and approval.  You might notice if you have concerns about what people think about you.

 

I support your idea about taking your feelings about <your father> to Tribe.

 

 

 

Control and Measurement

 

 

 

Connection

 

 

Clips:

 

http://www.riverwinds.biz/Turbine%20

Control%20Panel.JPG

 

http://www.memoriesandmemoirs.com/

blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/

Kissing%20Cousins%20thnkx07.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Workshop Feedback

Large Gifts Come in Small Packages

 

Ed,


My butt is in the now
My butt is in the now
Hi Ho the Merry O
My butt is in the now.


Thank you for this gem.

Here are a few bonus moments of now for your consideration.

 

 

 

Clip: http://www.news.com.au/common/

imagedata/0,,5729201,00.jpg

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

 

Models and Destiny
 

Good Evening Ed,


i had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine today. In this conversation I think about system theory and the world. It comes to my mind that the whole world can be describes as a very very complex system that. Given that there are several laws of nature, molecules behave in a certain way, people behave as they learned in childhood and under the circumstances of their current environment and so on (spoken very simple)… isn’t it so that in the case you could set up the current status quo and would know all the accordant variables that you could compute/forecast the systems behavior so that all our actions are predetermined? I don’t want to believe this, it would take the responsibility of my own life… I wonder what you think about this?

I find the last reports to FAQ very interesting and useful, especially the ones about control and the detailed description of the process :-)

All the best to you and the other FAQ readers!

P.S.: I’m currently very productive in further investigating trading systems and building a more sophisticated backtest platform. First results are very promising!

Models are mostly useful in understanding specific and simple behavior modes such as the oscillation of a pendulum, the growth of lilies in a pond and the decay of a radioactive isotope.

 

The Everything Model to which you refer already exists. It is the universe itself, and it generates its own solution real-time.  All you have to do is plug in to it to see what's happening.  Trend Traders know this and plug into the only model that actually works.

 

Mental Models and Computer Models can explain modes of behavior, they are pretty much no good for precise prediction:

 

1. If you go and build a predictive model of the universe, and if your model generates some information that changes the universe in any way, you then have to keep including your own model in itself; it can all become rather complex.

 

2. The Heisenberg Principle states you can't know both the exact position and the exact momentum of any particle - so there's a limit to your model when you go to initialize it.

 

3. The double slit experiment indicates that particles are somehow responsive to our level of  awareness of them.

 

 

 

Double Slit Experiment

 

A stream of electrons

 

passing through a two-slit screen

behaves like a wave

and generates an interference pattern

 

 until we try to determine

which slits the electrons choose;

 

then they behave like particles

and the interference pattern disappears.

 

 

Clip: http://grad.physics.sunysb.edu/~amarch/int.gif

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Competition
 

Hi Ed -

I trust you are well.

During our last Tribe meeting, I have an interesting Hot Seat experience that I report below.

During check in, I report an issue to my Tribe that is troubling me. I ask to be allowed to take the Hot Seat, and am soon narrating my issue ...

One of my biggest accounts is an individual client who trades on his own account too. He is a successful businessman, and a very wealthy man. He has no trading system, and returns volatile performance on his personal account.

As of September 2008, he is approximately at break-even on his personal account YTD. The account I trade for him is up more than 40% YTD.

The following month - October 2008 - I jump my system. I do not take a stop-loss the system triggers, and I experience a loss of about 20% on all my accounts. Coincidentally, he loses approximately the same sum of money on his personal account in that month. (He has no concept of Trading Capital, so I cannot quantify his loss as a % of Capital.)

I am shaken by my experience of October 2008. During the next 4 months, I trade hesitantly, and report a modest positive performance. I continue to experience a loss of confidence in myself. However, during the same 4 month period, my client trades his seat-of-the-pants approach, and generates huge profits on his personal account. We speak on the phone often.

I begin to get increasingly conscious that my (amateur) client who has no trading system is "raking it in", while I - the professional money manager - am struggling to generate a modest return.

I continue my narrative to my receivers ...

Then - in March 2009 - my client loses some money. A small loss, but a loss nevertheless. I make a small positive return in his managed account. I experience a feeling of relief that he loses money. I feel guilty that I am feeling relief that he loses money.

Come April 2009 ... My client's personal positions are in serious trouble. He is short on equities, the market is trending strongly upwards, and his positions are losing heavily. He doesn't cut losses. He calls me frequently to ask for advice. I honestly give him my view on the market. What I don't tell him - however - is that I am experience a feeling of glee! I am thrilled that he is losing money!!!

And that's my issue: I am happy that my client is losing money. And I am feeling guilty that I am happy that he is losing money.

At this point, one of my Receivers interrupts my narrative, and says: "... you don't seem to be hot!"

I say: "Maybe I'm not sizzling right now, but this issue is bothering me a lot and I want to process these feelings that I have tied up in k-nots."

My Tribe encourages me to continue with the narrative. I do.

Then suddenly - without even getting out of narrative mode - I have an a-ha: I am insecure! I am feeling insecure about losing this client altogether. I fear that he will "realize" he doesn't need me, and take back the capital he has given me to manage for him. And that is a big setback to my AUM.

Over the next 15-30 minutes, my Tribe receives me and helps me process my feelings.

Toward the end of that period, I resolve to follow my system. I resolve to continue to do the best I can for my client, regardless of his actions and his own trading results. I resolve to continue to trust my system to perform well over time. I remind myself that I have faith in my system.

We then check out. During checkout, one of my Receivers ... says that this Hot Seat reminds him of an incident during Michael Marcus' trading career, which Michael narrates to Jack Schwager in his Market Wizards' interview.

[He] reads the relevant section to us all from The Market Wizards (pages 23-25). I reproduce it below:

=====

Schwager: At that time [the 1970s], we were seeing something completely new. I remember those markets. Even after prices had gone up only 10 percent of their eventual advance, historically, it seemed like a very large price move. What made you realize that prices could go so much further?

Marcus: At the time, I was politically right wing and that fit with being an inflation-alarmist. The theory that the evil government was constantly debasing the currency provided the perfect perspective for trading the inflationary markets of the mid-1970s.

Schwager: It was the right theory for the right time.

Marcus: Right. The markets were so fertile for trading then that I could make plenty of mistakes and still do well.

Schwager: Trading strictly on the long side?

Marcus: Yes. Everything was going up. Although I was doing very well, I did make one terrible mistake. During the great soybean bull market, the one that went from $3.25 to nearly $12, I impulsively took my profits and got out of everything. I was trying to be fancy instead of staying with the trend. Ed Seykota never would get out of anything unless the trend changed. So Ed was in, while I was out, and I watched in agony as soybeans went limit-up for twelve consecutive days. I was real competitive, and every day I would come into the office knowing he was in and I was out. I dreaded going to work, because I knew soybeans would be bid limit again and I couldn't get in.

Schwager: Was this experience of not being in a runaway market as aggravating as actually losing money?

Marcus: Yes, more so. It was so aggravating that one day I felt I couldn't take it anymore and I tried tranquilizers to dull the mental anguish. When that didn't work, somebody said, "Why don't you take something stronger, called thorazine?"

I remember taking this thorazine at home and then getting on the subway to go to work. The subway doors started to close as I was getting on and I started to fall down. At first, I didn't connect it with the thorazine. Anyway, I wandered back home and just fell through the doorway - it was that strong. It knocked me out and I missed work that day. That was the low point in my trading career.

Schwager: You never threw in the towel and just went back into soybeans at some point?

Marcus: No, I was afraid of losing.

Schwager: Despite that mistake, you mentioned before that you built your account up to $64,000 by year-end. What happened next?

Marcus: Around that time, I would occasionally have to go over to the Cotton Exchange. I would have an adrenalin rush when I heard the traders yelling and screaming. It seemed like the most exciting place in the world. But I learned that I needed to show $100,000 net worth to get in. Since I had virtually no assets outside of my commodity account, I couldn't qualify.

I continued to make money in the markets, and after several months, I had surpassed the $100,000 mark. Around that same time, Ed Seykota recommended that I go long coffee. So I did, but I put a close stop in under the market just in case it went down. The market turned down and I was stopped out quickly. Ed, however, because he was a major trend follower, had no stop in and ended up being locked in a limit-down market for several days in succession.

Each day, Seykota was locked in a losing position while I was out of the market. That was the exact opposite situation of the soybean trade, when he was in a winning trade and I was out. I couldn't help it, but I felt a sense of joy. I asked myself, "What kind of a place is this that one's greatest joy is to be found when somebody else is getting screwed?" That was the point I realized that what I was doing was too competitive, and I decided to become a floor trader at the New York Cotton Exchange.

 

===== END OF EXTRACT =====

 

That reading from The Market Wizards gives me another a-ha: A realization that what I feel is not abnormal.

Tonight's Hot Seat is yet another reminder to me of the importance of feeling my feelings.

And of the value of the Field of Acknowledgement my Tribe creates for me.

And of the value of Relentless Validation.

Thank you Tribe.

Thank you Ed.

God bless you all.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

You might consider discovering the positive intentions of competition, envy and jealousy.

 

Let me know what you find.

 

 

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

 

Rejection

 

Ed,

 

Ed says, "Crying and Receiving Attention can medicate the feelings of having to define what you intend to do to contribute to others."

Thank you for your response. It helps me focus on what I intend to do to contribute to others.

Through TTP, I come to realize the importance of service to others, that we find our purpose through our service. Especially in my own case, where I frequently engage the drama of "people don't want to be with me", "they ignore me as if I don't exist", I have an extra incentive to be of service to others to draw people closer.

My contribution to others is to help them live a better life - if and only if this is what they are interested in learning and want to work on. By better, I mean more intimacy and fulfilling. I intend to do so by first working on myself such that I can be an example and an inspiration, rather than speaking as a hypocrite.

I understand that each person's case is going to be different, and I'd like to have as much resources as I can have so that I can help. I intend to write to my support team from the Workshop to clarify a plan on what resources in particular that I am focused on developing, and how I am going to measure my progress.

Thanks.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

You might consider taking your feelings about <people who reject me> to Tribe.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009
 

The 5% Resource
 

Hi Ed,

I have a question about the 5% resource in the Rock Process, which is our old behavior.

Let say a person has a traumatic experience, like being in a McDonald's and witnessing a mad man shooting down the people, with body flying and blood flowing all over the place. It is so horrible that he shuts down all feelings and duck, and that becomes his gut response throughout his life.

Now if he go onto the hot seat for the Rock Process, and discover that the earliest incidence for him is that experience in McDonald's. Furthermore, let say we are able to role-play and reenact the experience for him.

We may try various other resources (e.g. sharing feelings, asking for feelings), but those are likely not going to help him in that situation. If that is the case, then do we not include those resources in the rock, as it doesn't feel right at all for this particular situation? If so, is he just going to be stuck with the original response?

Thanks.

By the time a person is old enough to go to McDonalds, he already has his rocks in place through repetitive reinforcement by a familial team of a stressor and a rock donor.

 

The rocks process locates and activates an exemplar of this early training and supplements the Medicinal Survival Rock with a Proactive Rock.

 

A single event at, say, McDonalds is not likely to feature a repetitively reinforcing combination of a stressor and a rock donor.

 

 

 

Ronald McDonald and Associates

 

People with a Ronald Rock

are likely to respond to stress

by applying grease paint,

donning colorful garb

and reaching for a happy meal.

 

 

Clip: http://www.lincolnslaffers.com/images/

Ronald%20McDonald%20House%20

Auction%20002.jpg

 

 

Tuesday, April 28, 2009
 

More Control Issues

see previous

 

Ed,

 

Ed Says: If you wish to communicate further with FAQ you might consider demonstrating willingness to participate by submitting a brief essay on your own personal strategy for shifting from control-centric relating to intimacy-centric relating.
 


Thank you for giving me the chance to think about myself and about the way I interact with people. My own strategy for shifting from control-centric relating to intimacy-centric relating includes the following.

 

First, I define control. It means to me:

1. You do what I want/ you are the way I like you to be.

 
2. I do with you what I want and


3. You don't do what you want/ you are not the way you like you to be.

I observe that this first definition clarifies and simplifies a lot.
 

Second, I have to find out how I manipulate and control people.

 

I start with the interaction with my family. My wife and children are likely the people I try to control the most. I observe all of my actions and, before I do something, I think if I am trying to elicit a certain answer from them or to suppress them. I have to differentiate between a legitimate question (do you have homework?) and trying to obtain something from them (don't you want to cuddle me?). I also observe my actions in retrospective (for example, how I answer to something my children do).

 

The first day I observe that I use several methods to control them including subtle intonations of voice, for example to suggest how their action hurts me. I use this method specifically with my older children. I observe that I apply this method automatically. Other techniques are physical closeness (invading their intimate space), requests (don't you want to kiss me?) and subtle formulation of questions (“don't you want to kiss me” sets people under more pressure than “do you want to kiss me”), and overwhelming reaction to an action (i.e. trying to kiss my wife when she reaches to touch me).


After few hours I am surprised about how much control I can exert on people.


I plan to extend this analysis to other people I interact regularly (my employees and friends).
I analyze my regular daily actions in retrospective (for example, how I act when I return from work or taking my son to the kindergarten) and try to find out if I am exerting a control pattern or if I am doing things that my family does not want to do (for example, I return from work, embrace my wife while she is busy at the kitchen and obviously cannot kiss me and I express her my disappointment because she does not show me her affection).
 
At this stage, I wonder how people find me nice.

Thank you for sharing your post-Workshop journey of self-discovery.

 

You are providing a real-time, as-you-go-through-it journal of the evolutionary process we all go through in giving up Medicinal Resources and learning to implement Pro-Active Resources.

 

Good work !

Tuesday, April 28, 2009
 

Workshop Feedback

An Incredible Hot Seat
 

Ed,


In the Workshop, we broke into tribes of four (a sender, a process manager, and two receivers) to work on the feelings that stand between us and our Big Wave.

The other three people in my group all seem to be new to TTP, while I have quite extensive experience with weekly tribe meetings, so I volunteer to be PM for the first member.

I don't feel I am doing as good a job as PM as I used to. Sure, the environment is not ideal, as there are lots of distraction (with 5 or 6 other hot seats going on and all the screaming and drumming) and sometimes I can't even hear the sender's words, but maybe more importantly it is that deep down I may be afraid of being judged.

For the second hot-seat, I am a receiver. The sender declares he wants to get it done quickly because he needs to leave. He does some forms, but my observation is that he doesn't really get into the process. At one point, he slapped the hand of the process manager to stop him from drumming, and told him that he hated drums. He seems to want to get some Tony Robbins-type quick "pump up" excitement, and intention = result, that's what happened and he gets to leave quickly. If there is math-turbation, then maybe this is mas-TTP-ation?

I am a receiver again on the third hot-seat. Before going in, the sender mentions that he wants loud drumming. My observation is that he seems excited to do some forms, but not so much into getting into his own issues. I remember four or five years ago when I first started learning TTP, people would tend to get into stories instead of getting into forms, and interestingly now that people want to do some forms but not really to get into the feelings they have with their real issues. Maybe in the end one leads to another, what do I know?

I am pretty sure the sender is not really into the process though, even as he is experiencing a big back pain. He instructs the PM to drum louder for him to experience the back pain - which the PM complies until Ed tells him to tone it down (I didn't know at the time but it seems that we are too loud as it gets later at night and the people downstairs complain to the hotel). I also see the sender, despite lying with face on the floor, has his eyes opened and actively checking out what's going on with the other groups. Another sign of mas-TTP-ation?

I'm sure I play a role in this too. Senders who fail to go deep indicate receivers who refuse to go deep.

At check-out, I am wondering if I should tell him what he wants to hear, or tell him the truth of how I feel. I choose the latter. He agrees that he is very conscious about what's going on. When I press on to see if he wants to really work on his Big Wave, he says he is tired. While I have no doubt that he is (after the work he's done), but I just see that as another feeling. I ask if he is willing to experience tiredness, and he says yes, and I become the PM.

He goes through many forms, maybe with the noise level down (as some groups have already finished), and maybe with less pressure feeling being judged, I do a much better job at process-managing him. We go through many forms, check for his willingness along the way, until he finally bursts into a big laughter as he gains insight into his problems. I feel very humbled and honored and happy to be able to serve him.

Then it is my turn on the hot seat.

Before it starts, a receiver asks me if I like drumming. I say it doesn't matter as I trust the receiver and PM. Then I get into my feeling of "not good enough." Throughout the whole day in the Workshop, my level of frustration and anger has built up considerably. I get into some forms, especially a big pain in the neck.

Going into the process I know our group is running behind. During my hot seat the noise has gone down substantially as other groups finish all four hot seats. Maybe one other group is still going, but that's about it. I hear people are starting to go upstairs. I hear that Ed offers my PM and receiver if they want to stay with me or go upstairs and check-out with the big group.

I can feel that my receiver has left. I feel bad for my poor PM who is stuck with me. I feel very pissed but I am unwilling to continue with the process. I stop, thank my PM, and very upsettingly go upstairs where the group is checking out.

I don't see an open seat so I just pull over a chair to sit behind at the corner. I am feeling very upset. I feel like I have been abandoned. I feel unsupportive. I feel like I am ignored. I feel like people don't care about me. I feel like a nobody. I feel grumpy. I feel miserable. I feel like shit.

Now here's another problem. People are checking out and reporting their feelings. If it gets to my turn, what do I say? Do I tell the truth of how I really feel? That may risk making a big scene, and I am afraid of that. I don't want to say anything. I am trying to shut down.

Wow, INTENTION = RESULT! Since I am not sitting at the table but a step behind the corner because I don't see open spots, when it is supposed to be my turn, the guy on my left who apparently not aware of my presence already jumped in, which saves me from all the problem of needing to share what I feel at that time. So while feeling relieved, it also feeds to the feeling that "I am a nobody" and "people treat me as if I do not exist."

In fact, in my mind I even go as far as to wonder if Ed has ordered everyone to simulate this situation for me such that I feel totally ignored. I feel like I have done what I can on my part to serve my fellow tribesmen, and in return, all I get is this shitty feeling of non-existence. It's as if I don't belong there, that I am not even part of the group.

A tribe member finally spotted me not having a chance to check-out, but interestingly I just felt extremely uncomfortable and I don't want to say anything and declined comments. However, there is no doubt I am very, very, VERY pissed about the whole thing.

That was all for the night and Ed let us go. I just want to go back to my room and ignored them back. I am among the first people to walk out that door. But here's when things get REALLY interesting. The process has just started.

As I walk out of the door, I need to turn left and take the elevator to go to my room. Instead, the night view from the window draws me to the right, and I stand there, sipping water, trying to get some sense of this whole thing.

I know I am still hot. I know that if I carry this feeling unresolved it may do further damage, and I don't want that. But what am I supposed to do? Going back and tell Ed about it? He just says today that I tend to use crying as a way to draw attention, and going back is just humiliating and give him another excuse to justify that I seek attention.

I struggle big time. I feel that the right thing to do is to go back, but the easy thing to do is to just walk away. While I want to do the right thing, I can hear the little tempting voice in my head that says, "Maybe do the right thing next time. Just go back to the room, it feels so much better to avoid these unsupportive people."

Throughout my life, that's my pattern. I withdraw. I walk away when things aren't going my way. My thinking is always that if you don't want me, then fine, I don't want you either. I can be on my own without you. When I feel unappreciated and ignored, my gut response is to ignore them back. I walk away to give them the silent protest.

Somehow I remember I said to Ed before the Workshop that I'd participate fully. Is walking away consistent with participating fully? No, but that makes me feel so much better than to go back and be like a whiny baby who needs attention.

I am debating and struggling big time. Do I really want to walk away like this for the rest of my life? The answer is no, and I walk back to the room, scared, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what to say.

To my surprise, I see a tribe member still in process. Let's call this sender S. There is a PM and a receiver too, along with Charles Faulkner. I am hearing that they say S is unwilling, which surprises me. My impression of him is that he is an experienced practitioner and has shown great enthusiasm in the work.

Not wanting to make a scene myself, and still feeling bump about what happened, I just sit down and observe.

Ed left for a few minutes and then came back to work with S. S accused Ed and the tribe for abandoning him. Wow, that is exactly how I feel!!! S says he is willing to do the work but Ed says he isn't, as evidenced by his refusal to include a smile with his form. Ed encourages S to feel anger, and S keeps blaming Ed.

So Ed encourages S to blame more. S resists a little bit, but Ed orders him to blame more. So S starts blaming and boy does he do a great job! He blames Ed, Charles, his PM and his receiver, and he does so with so much outpouring rage. The scary thing is - he is speaking my mind! Those are the words that I totally feel but not having the gut to say!!! In a way, I am just like S, minus the balls to speak up.

I wonder what I really want out of my own drama. It seems like my real goal is to use my anger and feeling of being abandoned as a way to make other people feel guilty and so they'd start treating me better. But as S demonstrates for me, Ed takes the blame very jokingly. He sees them more like a laughable joke and it doesn't bother him a bit.

As S blames his PM and his receiver, Ed asks if I want to be a target of blame too. I declined, still feeling upset that he and everyone else abandoned and ignored me. But as I watched S, I feel more and more that I'd really want to hear what he can criticize me. (He's doing an amazing job) In a weird way, I really want to hear what he could possibly blame me because I really don't know what he will say and I am very curious and want to find out.

I don't get my chance though. S already starts to blame himself, and he gets into many other things. As I sit there and watch, I can see myself a lot of similarity to him. In fact, I can be just like him, and that's very scary as I see how miserable S is with his drama.

That is one of the most intense hot seat I've witnessed. It's great to see how a strong and masterful PM like Ed handles the situation.

 

It's great to see S's struggle - great in the sense that his struggle is my struggle, and he is going through them in huge emotional pain and I learn from him. I also tend to be one who wants to be in control, who likes to blame other people, and who likes to delay decisions.

I feel very blessed to be able to witness this ultra hot seat session. I even have this strange thought - maybe they are doing these all for me to learn a real important lesson! Everything just builds up and lead me to this in its own weird and unexpected way.

Most importantly, what allows me this opportunity is my decision to come back instead of going back to my room and clinging onto the anger, as I always did. I choose differently from what I used to do, and I get a different result. I like this result - I am learning tremendously.

 

I am learning how to be a better Process Manager from Ed, learning my own issue from S, and learning how I produce a different result by responding differently from my old response system.

In the Rock Process, we put new resources into a rock to give to the sender, and then we role-play to see how he uses those new resources. Well, I haven't gone through the Rock Process but in my case, it isn't role-playing, it is real-life situation!

 

I live through all the real-life real-time feelings (of wanting to just walk away, as I always did), and I somehow manage to come back to the room and find the most important Hotseat of my life time - strangely a hot seat that I am not even participating as sender, receiver nor process manager, but just a mere observer.

In the end, Ed concludes that S is simply unwilling to commit and he walks out. So does Charles Faulkner.

 

I don't get to talk to either of them as they left, and our eyes don't even cross. Maybe they are still playing their roles to ignore me. But that's OK, I am not angry at them as I was. Maybe they are just actors that I attract to play my drama, but I see the fruitlessness in holding on my grudge against them. In a way, I need to thank them, for without them doing their part of ignoring me, I wouldn't get this wonderful opportunity to learn.

I just read from the FAQ where S writes, "Am I an example for them? Can they learn from me, from my experience, from my confusion? If yes, the pain that I am experiencing is worth."

Well, to me, it definitely is - and by far one of the biggest learning experience I get from hot seats. Thank you wholeheartedly and a gratitude that is beyond words.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

The detail with which you report the events and the evolution of your experience provides a valuable resource for people who wish to know more about how TTP processes work.

 

One of your strong resources is the ability to maintain focus on the positive intention of events as they unfold. 

 

As you proceed with the work in your Tribe, you might consider sharing this resource with others.

 

 

 

Seeing The Positive ...

 

 

 

... Can Help Entrain It.

 

 

Clips:

 

http://behance.vo.llnwd.net/profiles/50030/

projects/55599/500301200599897.jpg

 

http://www.bloggingtips.com/wp-content/

uploads/2008/09/think-positive.jpg

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

 

He Can See Clearly Now

 

Dear Ed,

Thank you for the Workshop. I feel great.

 

I saw my positions yesterday and was shocked. I was ignoring my rules and setting up for big mess. I don't know why I couldn't see that. What counts is I see that now!

 

Thank you for everything.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009
 

Dealing with Control Issues

see previous


Ed,

thank you for your answer to my email from 28.4. I have some comments and some questions:

1. Today I see my wife. She is very happy to see me and embraces me; I do not kiss her, I just give her room to express herself and receive her emotions. It is LOVE. It is so warm that it shakes me. I realize that expecting love from her prevents me from experiencing love the way she can deliver it. Expecting something from others and controlling them is plainly wrong. I also receive her loneliness and pain lasting for years, her overwhelming after our second child. I did not even imagine it...I am so sorry...We should learn such things in school...

2. My "home-brewd" therapy results from seeing one process, reading the FAQ and my intuition. You say that I should show willingness to apply it the "TTP way". Can you please expand what you mean with "apply it the TTP way" or the differences to "my way"?

2. I remember you mentioning that my version seems to have longer lasting effects than "traditional" TTP. Can you suggest which element of my version makes it more effective?

3. In Reno you mentioned "We have some plans for you". Maybe the plans changed after the events on Saturday and Sunday. But maybe you can expand about your plans and how I fit into them.

4. You mentioned some "post-hypnotic suggestions". I don't remember being in trance, not even long contacts with you or [Name]. How do you do this "magic"? And can you mention the suggestions?

Thanks in advance.
 

1. Thank you for sharing your process.  Receiving seems to be generating more experiences of intimacy for you.

 

2. You might be misquoting me. I do not see the word or implication of "should" other than noticing that if you want to test apples, then you have to get some apples (not oranges) into the laboratory.

 

Misquoting and obfuscation are forms of control and manipulation and are not consistent with TTP.  Control-centric methods are consistent with your methods of relating to people in many situations.  My concern is that, at this point, your behavior is inconsistent with key TTP principles and as such you are not able to reproduce TTP for testing purposes.

 

2. (Second 2)  I do not recall that mention. Perhaps you can provide a reference and the context. Your method likely leaves long-lasting scars on children.

 

3. The plan, as always, includes supporting you being the way you are - suggesting you learn to receive others and experience your feelings - and  providing information about TTP upon request.

 

4. The suggestion, on various levels of consciousness, is for you to consider including more intimacy orientation in your relationships.

 

If you wish to communicate further with FAQ you might consider demonstrating willingness to participate by submitting a brief essay on your own personal strategy for shifting from control-centric relating to intimacy-centric relating.

 

 

 

Coronation of Napoleon

 

Control-centric strategies

may entrain coronation ...

 

 

 

Hitler at Dortmund

 

... and domination ...

 

and ultimately, defeat.

 

 

Clips:

 

http://college.cengage.com/history/west/

mosaic/chapter12/images/coronation_napoleon.jpg

 

http://massthink.files.wordpress.com/

2008/06/hitler-at-dortmund.jpg

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

 

Wants to Know What He Should Do

Hi Ed,

think the mail must've been lost when I tried sending it from my Google phone. I'm from [Country]and have heard a great deal about you after reading several of Michael Covel's books.

I have a quick question but here's some background: I've started trading a year ago and have been really just stagnant, other than blowing up in the first 2 months. Lately, it's been getting a good turn since I started learning trend following. I don't really have tens of thousands (I'm trading a $10,000 account now) but I do have a good salary and no heavy commitments so I can put aside 1,000-2,000 to regular grow my balance. I also started learning programming (Python) due to my job as a web producer a few months ago.

Question: I heard so much about trading systems and would like to start learning how to write my own programs to screen data and also set up signals. Is this the right time to do so or should I get a third party software and focus on learning to trade alone?

Thank you so much for your precious time,

Best regards,

I don't tell people what they should do. See Ground Rules.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

 

Great Weekend

Dear Ed,

 

What a great weekend. Thank you. I'm still absorbing it - but going down to [City] to see doctors and bankers. I'll write more when I get back.

OK.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

 

Orphans

 

Ed,


Ed says: Orphans May Not Have Access to role models for implementing proactive resources.

One resource I may be living by is a joke I learn from my mother:

"Who is your father?"
"Comrade Stalin!"
"Who is your mother?"
"The Communist Party!"
"And who do you want to be when you grow up?"
"An orphan."

Thank you for sharing your insight.

 

Our societal patterns and our individual patterns connect in many ways.

 

As we centralize our society and weaken the role of family (The Essential Tribe) we see the emergence of very different results in individual relationships.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

 

Wife Agrees to Take Him Back

see: previous

Dear Ed,

You decide to read my long emails and to give me an extended feedback. Thank you for your attention!

I see a remote similarity between my behavior on Sunday and  “Why waste a temper tantrum if nobody is around to see it?” I remember feeling “leave me alone” during the Sunday morning and having a bizarre motion in empty hotel halls. Hence, I cannot confirm the “tantrum” hypotheses.

I know that I have an issue with “follow the rules” and thank you for pointing at it. Your and my memories about our agreement for my short presentation on Sunday are different. I am hence not quite clear if I was not following the rules or if it was a misunderstanding. Anyway, events of all three days sign in direction of me playing an ego-agenda. I have certainly a problem with “I am the best of you all / I can do it better than you”. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to realize it.

“Conversion” is a physical manifestation of an unconscious problem. Ergo, most forms are conversions.

“Bizarre gait” was not the only manifestation of the issue, hence I do not believe that it is a resource.

Physical manifestations like mine can also appear under severe psychological distress (i.e. after catastrophes or physical abuse).

I am open to your opinion and your experience, but I disagree with you. We both identified my issue “I take control of it”; your prompt “show me that you like to lose control” started a process (it is causal thinking; another description is “Fred was willing to put me in a situation where I experience control loss”). My feelings of stuck-ness and my emotional involvement suggest me that this was rather the case (process instead of reaction). I suggest that a completion of this process via TTP could be more effective than ignoring the (no)-tantrum.

 

In this scenario, an alternative action is “ask Hotseat about his willingness to complete the process, tell him we are coming when WE consider it appropriated, and let him wait”. Maybe you have a better explanation, and I can learn from it.

I observe that this situation arises as I communicate my intention to implement TTP on a broad, institutional basis, and short after I manifest you my affection in a physical way. I remember you mentioning a certain “paddleball” pattern in your intimate relationships. Maybe the observations and comments of a neutral observer can help both of us to clarify common issues regarding “intimacy – somebody manifest affection to me – I feel loved”. I know that I have some problems in these areas.

Per process management: I consider my Tribe members to be inexpert, I lack the experience what a strong process manager is. I remember my willingness to follow your indications during my Hotseat and my inability to keep up pace with your indications. During a process I experience “letting it go – giving up control” as very pleasant, if I know that the manager is experienced.

During my flight I consider stop communicating with you, and as I read your detailed answer I don't know what to do. There are pros and cons. It is again “I cannot decide”, as you pointed on Saturday.

While writing I recognize the issue “I have to justify myself”.

I am sharing the column with my associates, thank you for the suggestion. I spare the sexual aspects and bring them to the Hotseat.

I am getting aware of the lot of work I need to carry out on me. In spite of all distress maybe I am the workshop participant who will profit the most of it.

The way to the terminal in Reno is a struggle. During the flight to (destination) I sleep for 60 minutes. As we land I am able to walk almost normally. As we land in (next destination) 4 hours later I forget my jacket with my wallet in the carrier and realize it with 5 minutes before boarding the next jet. I contact an assistant, the previous jet is empty and they do not find my jacket. I feel bad and worried. Things are getting OUT OF CONTROL! Aha. I accept the feeling. It is not bad, life is out of control. The jacket appears, they deliver it to the next plane, I board with 1 minute to go and now I am home.

I have a long talk with my wife at the phone (she is at work). I realize that for years I have listened to her, and not received her. She agrees with re-accepting me in her life. A longer conversation and an extended report follow.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

Congratulations on receiving you wife and receiving an invitation to return.

 

Receiving your wife (rather than manipulating her with threats, tantrums, browbeating and "taking control") is likely to give you a very different result - and is likely to be very beneficial for your children.

 

If you persist with receiving rather than pushing, she may continue to draw you closer rather than push you away. 

 

If you revert to control, you may indeed excite a "paddleball" response.  You might pay attention to your kissing as an "early warning" system.

 

I am removing other sexual references from your previous send and my reply to it.

 

I encourage you to continue to apply formal metrics to your versions of therapy which currently appears to include parts of TTP, parts of Ericksonian Therapy, some athletic coaching to "do that faster, faster, faster" and application through substantial browbeating.

 

If you wish to apply metrics to TTP, you would have to hold some certification that you are actually delivering TTP (not your own control-centric hybrid), including deep understanding of all the processes, familiarity with feedback dynamics, willingness to apply it the "TTP way" and a successful "internship."

 

This is to assure you are measuring TTP and not merely using TTP as a way to justify "coat-tailing" your own "home-brew" into a university study to increase your power and control.

 

I am open to finding a way to formalize TTP to a point where you could receive such certification.

 

Meanwhile, you might consider applying your receiving skills while you kiss you wife.

 

 

 

The Way You Receive Your Mate

 

 

 

While You Kiss Her

 

 

 

Is One Way

 

 

 

She May Come

 

 

 

To Know You

 

 

 

Clips:

 

http://www.funnycoolstuff.com/images/girl-kissing.jpg

 

http://i1.trekearth.com/photos/86500/

egipt_kissing_sphinx.jpg

 

http://photoshopcontest.com/images/

fullsize/526518315b19fe958271227e8cc

2e166fa3535ae336184.jpg

 

http://fredmuram.files.wordpress.com/

2008/12/kissing-the-ceiling-tamar-and-noah.jpg 

 

http://www.relationshipheadquarters.com/

ManKissingWoman.jpg

Monday, April 27, 2009

 

Dealing With the Death of Baby Sister

 

Dear Ed,

 

At the last tribe meeting Ed asks, “Is there anyone here who has something they want to work on? We have very strong resources here tonight.”

 

I remember Ed’s words: “Some see opportunity, some seize opportunity, and some seize at opportunity.” I raise my hand to discuss my regular habit of waking up with a sense of doom at 5AM.

 

This progresses to a discussion of the death of my sister - a situation I never deal with, I rarely speak of, and my family never talks about.

Via the TTP Rocks process, my tribe helps to re-create the event in complete detail. I feel deep gratitude to everyone present - all spend many hours of intense feeling, devotion and energy to help me. The accuracy of the re-enactment is remarkable. We discover new resources I can actively respond with during crisis situations, using important functions such as “pay attention” and “empathy”, to replace (in 95% of the cases) my usual “shut down” response.

My entire life I think of the pain I feel, and the pain my family feels from the death. Until last Thursday, after a comment from another tribe member, I never think of the pain my sister feels. He describes the difference he feels between the death as it happened, compared to the death with new resources. This incredible insight changes me. Tears come to my eyes as I type this.

Several days have passed since the process and I continue to feel deeply, deeply moved. The most noticeable change is, I feel the moment of NOW fully and vividly. I know I am exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I want to do, and take full responsibility. I feel light. I feel strong. I feel resourceful. I am not concerned about “little things” right now. It’s sort of like I am in a dull, vague mourning for nearly my entire life, and I finally cross the boundary to acceptance and healing.

In a wonderful example of the cycle of life, as we experience the passing of a child, another tribe member experiences the birth of his child.

 

Thank you,

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

 

 

When We Become Willing

to experience our feelings,

 

we become free.

 

 

Clip: http://imagecache2.allposters.com/

images/pic/nyg/40257~mother-and-child-

detail-from-the-three-ages-of-woman-

c-1905-posters.jpg

Monday, April 27, 2009

Chart Page - Not Working


Ed,


Any plan to update the stock chart pages?

 

 I keep coming back looking for them but don't know if you decided to no longer support this, and I missed this note. Thanks anyways for providing it in the past, it was a big help to me in learning about the markets and identifying trending stocks.

 

Thanks,

The problem stems from a series of "upgrades" to Vista that appear to interfere with the registrations of some of the program components.

 

I am aware of the situation, I am complete on my first-round of research into it and I have a "fix" in mind for it.

 

Monday, April 27, 2009


Workshop Feedback (Big Wave Process)
 

Hi Ed,

Here's my workshop feedback on the Big Wave Process.

At the Workshop, participants create an ... elevator pitch:
 

1. What is your big wave?
2. How much time you devote to it?
3. Who's on your support team?
4. How do you measure progress?

We work in groups of four, one sender and three receivers at a time. After the sender finishes, the receivers take turn giving their feedback to the sender. The sender is asked to only take in the information, thank the receivers, and not get into a discussion to defend themselves or explain it. (Otherwise, the process degenerates into a conversation that can go on and on)

What I dislike about this process:


1. There is no feeling involved. Because there are so many information that needs to be transmitted in one shot, I find myself the need to keep referring to the notes to make sure I cover everything. As such, I am basically reading out loud. There is no feeling. Or, the actual feeling I radiate is "I am in a big rush to jam a ton of thing in a short amount of time and I feel overwhelmed!!"

2. It isn't real. It is difficult to envision yourself in an elevator with three people and you need to convey your Big Wave to ALL of THEM at the same time. It's too much to ask.

3. No feedback on feelings - well, maybe there isn't any in the first place since we are just all reading from the notes like a machine.

4. It doesn't connect. I find myself taking notes on what people are saying that I just drop my head and busy writing. It is so much more powerful if you can look into the eyes of the person.

5. Big Wave also degenerates into small tasks to complete. By definition, Big Wave is something means a lot to you but you don't know exactly all the steps to get there (otherwise that'll just become a goal). It is easy for participants (at least I do) to get confused and the Big Wave ends up being some small tasks that I can measure the result.

So here's my suggestion you may consider:


Ask the participants to think about a 30-second ad on their Big Wave. Imagine that they are in an elevator with some VIP that is their role model (e.g. those who want to develop trend system can use Ed, or someone who wants to do well in golf may have Tiger Woods...). Be prepared that the VIP is going to ask them the three questions. Also, it is best if the participants can think about their motivation on the Big Wave and share that feeling in their ad.

Then work in pairs. There is a Sender and a Receiver and role-play the scenario in an elevator. The Sender plays himself and has about 17 floors (~ 30-second) to present his Big Wave to the VIP (Receiver).


Then as they walk out from the elevator to the hotel door, the VIP asks the Sender the three questions one-by-one so that the Sender doesn't need to include it in one big spill. Lastly, the VIP gives his final thoughts to the Sender, and the Sender may do a little clarification to the VIP before he gets on the car and leave.

Here's an example of what I envision. Say someone who wants to be a profitable trader and his VIP is Ed. (Heck, if it is in the Workshop, Ed can make this a real simulation):

S: Hi Ed, my Big Wave is to be a profitable trader, by that I mean developing, mastering, and trading a trend-following system. I love the market as it is so mesmerizing. With my engineering background I love playing with systems and models and I feel the market is the biggest game I can play.

R: Thanks for telling me. I can feel your excitement and also a little doubt. So who's on your support team?

S: Well, I am hoping you can be on my support team. I currently work alone but I have several trader friends whom we can share ideas.

R: OK, how much time per day / week / month can you devote yourself to this project, and what do you plan to be doing?

S: I'd say about 30 hrs / wk. Mostly on weekends / weeknights as I have a full-time job. The first step I am taking is to go through the TSP project to get a better understanding.

R: OK, how are you going to measure your progress?

S: Well, there are some trading books I'd like to read so we can measure how many I read. Also, there are 7 links on the TSP page and I can measure my progress on how many of them I complete. Once I finish them, then I don't know exactly yet but maybe somewhere along the line of measuring the number of systems I test?

R: OK, I get the general idea. I feel your sincerity and a little uncertainty. I am clear on your schedule and it sounds very aggressive to me, which may fit your style or it may attract some drama. For the measurement I'd like to get a better understanding of what you mean by "complete." For your support team, you may consider asking other workshop participants since some of them may have also built a trend-following system.

S: Thank you for the feedback. I say 30 hrs b/c I plan to spend 10 hrs each on Sat/Sun and 2 hrs per weeknight. I know it is aggressive but I am very committed to my Big Wave and I live alone and not much else to distract me. Hmmm, I have to think about what I mean by "complete." I like your idea on the support team, thank you very much. I feel a lot better, bye. (As the VIP gets on his car and leave)

Then Sender and Receiver switch role. If the Sender takes too long and gets into a big long story, the Receiver can simulate a "ding" (oh, elevator is on ground floor and door open). Or he can interrupt, "Oh, I see my driver coming" (so speed up).

I feel that this role-playing makes it more real, more radiating, more sharing feelings, and the Sender doesn't need to jam everything in one big speech. It is also consistent with the role-playing we do from the Rock Process. I plan to test it in my local tribe if the members agree.

Another advantage of this is that the Sender gets to rehearse radiating the Big Wave and has the message sunk in. As Charles (Faulkner) says we are what we rehearse / prepare. So after one round (two simulations), one of them rotate (just like when we do the "Tell me what you are thinking" exercise), and in a group of four, the sender gets to present it three times to three different people and have three responses. (Instead of going three rounds with the same group of people) More importantly, he gets "out-of-sample" response. By that, I mean he gets to refine his Big Wave presentation after listening to one feedback, and then get a new unbiased person and contrast the result. I am guessing this way we can get into the Big Wave deeper and in less time.

I wonder if you have any feedback to my feedback.

Thank you for sharing your suggestions on how to improve the Big Wave Process.

 

I would like to know how your variations work out in your Tribe.

 

Your observation that the process is relatively businesslike and devoid of "feelings" is accurate.

 

You might notice if you have a personal preference for situations in which you can purvey emotions (such as sadness, grief and anguish) and receive attention.

 

 

 

Crying and Receiving Attention

 

can medicate the feelings

 

of having to define what you intend to do

 

to contribute to others.

 

 

Clip: http://www.tanoda.shp.hu/hpc/userfiles/

tanoda/sobbing.gif

 

 

 

 

 

Monday, April 27, 2009

 

Daughter Communicates Feelings


Ed,

 

After the Workshop, my daughter tells me she wants a better relationship with me. 

 

We have a delightful meeting in which she tells me her feelings while I receive her and she also listens to my feelings.

 

We discover some of our most intense feelings have to do with previous mis-perceptions about each others feelings.

 

We clear out a lot of old stuff and come into a place of just being with each other.

 

After that we hug each other - for a long time.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

 

 

Intimate Communication

 

It's not all verbal.

 

 

Clip: http://blog.nj.com/ledgerupdates_impact/

2008/08/medium_hug.jpg

Monday, April 27, 2009

 

Great Weekend


Ed,


Was a great weekend, thank you for putting this on.

 

Respectfully,
 

-----

"Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each of us lives only now, this brief instant. The rest has been lived already, or is impossible to see. The span we live is small-small as the corner of the earth in which we live it. Small as even the greatest renown, passed from mouth to mouth by short-lived stick figures, ignorant alike of themselves and those long dead." --- Marcus Aurelius

Thank you for participating.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Trying to Describe the Pendulum

Ed,

I study the model and the formulas in trying to accurately describe in English what is going on. I think I now have it.

 

I think I got it by using the Einstein first person method combined with really looking at the system model. Here goes my next attempt at describing the SYSTEM of a pendulum. I describe each point in time, each moment of now in terms that include the entire system. I find the pendulum to be a very strong metaphor for looking at the markets. I thank you for this exercise and look forward to any feedback.



First Person Pendulum:

At time zero I am at rest at my initial position of negative .78 radians from the vector from the pivot point to the center of the earth...no acceleration...no velocity...no friction...no change in position. At each succeeding moment of now, my Position determines my Acceleration which determines my Velocity which determines my Position...and so on...until my Position results in no Acceleration...no Velocity...no Friction...no Change in Position.

At time zero I am at rest at my initial position of negative .78 radians from the vector from the pivot point to the center of the earth...no acceleration...no velocity...no friction...no change in position.


At t1 ( 0.0325 seconds later), I am accelerating at 9.8 meters per second per second along the arc described by my length from the pivot point...my velocity is my acceleration along that arc less the friction (air resistance and the friction at the pivot point). The friction increases as my velocity increases. Moving at that velocity over the period of time from t-zero to t1changes my position along the arc.


From the new position at t2 (0.0325 seconds later), I am accelerating at 9.8 meters per second per second along the arc described by my length from the pivot point...my velocity is the accumulation of my acceleration along that arc less the friction (air resistance and the friction at the pivot point).

 

The friction increases as my velocity increases. Moving at that velocity over the period of time from t1 to t2changes my position along the arc.
This system continues to change my position along the arc until the moment of now that my position decays such that I am at rest on the arc at the point where the vector from the pivot point to the center of the earth passes through the arc and there is no acceleration...no velocity...no change in position.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

You might consider checking your math, including that your units of measure match in all your equations.

 

Gravitational acceleration along the arc is only 9.8 m/s2 where the pendulum arm is parallel to the ground.

 

You say: "velocity is my acceleration along that arc less the friction."

 

Here you have:

 

velocity = acceleration - friction

 

(or)

 

m/s = m/s2 - kg-m/s2   <----   No Pass.  

 

April 27, 2009


Swinging on a Pendulum - Movie Clip

Hi Ed,


As I ponder a way to describe the pendulum in the now moment I remember myself on a swing as a child. The thrill at the moment of equilibrium where suspended in midair weightlessness before beginning the downward decent always makes me smile with glee like a child again.


Then I experience the incrementally increasing heavy body feeling as I move towards the bottom of the trajectory where there is the maximum G force and energy of the swing. Each complete swing becoming lower and slower and less heaviness experienced. Until I come to complete rest or "stability" and step out onto the playground sand.

Here is a video of someone experiencing being a pendulum.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMre-JjSB14

Thank you for sharing your process - especially your experiential approach to knowing the pendulum.

 

Thank you for the clip.

 

 

Monday, April 27, 2009

 

TTP Workshop - Feedback

Dear Ed,


Thanks for a great workshop. This is another life changing event, with long term benefits!


It was a great a pleasure to meet and learn from you, though it may take some time for more things to sink in.

I support you with your ground breaking work.


If you ever decide to come to [Country] ... make a note that you are welcome and I promise to show you around interesting places.


Warm regards,

Thank you for your support.

April 27, 2009

 

Tantrum: A Resource for Controlling Others

 

Chief,


I try to write a report and re-start two times from scratch. I feel bewildered, confused. The world appears surreal, I feel that I am transparent for the people at the hotel. I feel like a victim in a movie by David Lynch.

 

I feel that I am in the middle of a nasty nightmare. I feel that I have no control of the situation, of my feelings, even of my body. I cannot walk for more than 50 meters before I have to lean on a chair (yesterday I could jog 5 miles).

 

As a security ward appears I stare at a picture on the wall, fearing that if I walk she will ask me if I am stoned. I see the elation of the other guys who achieve their goals for the workshop. My goal was to help and support them and to clarify my personal situation.

 

Was it? Since intentions = results, I wanted to feel pushed, betrayed, ashamed, misunderstood, sick, mad. I clarify my feelings about my wave and cannot show my commitment to it in the front of the group.

 

On Saturday I clearly and doubtless commit to give all my love and support to my wife and children in front of two Tribe members. On Sunday I have to commit to my marriage (how do I commit to an institution!?) not using my own words and while I am fighting to accept "loss of control."

 

I try to use my own words, I realize that I cannot give up control and freeze. It does not have to do with my family, but with using other words, with giving up control. I interfere with the group. I feel so sick that I can barely return to my chair. I do not have control of my body, I cannot stand up and walk upstairs. What happen if I get a heart attack, a convulsion? Do I do more of it and try to enjoy?

I try to take a nap and cannot. I sit down in the sun and cannot stand up again. I CANNOT STAND UP! For the first time I see TTP cynically. I feel that I have no control about my life. I have to take an airplane tomorrow and don't know if I do it to the airport.

What is going on? Why did I get here? And I am paying for it? I will be in my country the day after tomorrow. I do not drink, but play with the idea of getting drunk.

I feel like I am stuck in a process, I am standing in a mountain of s... and cannot move. How long is it going to last? And what comes after it?

Chief, I really appreciate your support and your dedication. Right now I am questioning the whole story. But I don't want to return to a world full of drama. I write "uncontrolled drama": aha. In a different situation I could laugh about it. I know about the clarity that TTP brings into my life. Right now, I feel deeply confused, irritated, afraid. I don't want to see people and some Tribe members appear and invite me to lunch. NOTHING WORKS!

Probably the only way to give up control is, well, to give it up.

 

-----

 

Maybe you don't want to read this long email. I use writing to medicate my confusion, my close-to-despair and all this painful doubts.

I wake up 2:30 in the morning. Since I have 3 hours until my transfer departs, I decide to write my report. I did not eat for the last 30 hours. I am not hungry. I am glad that I can walk downstairs to the hotel lobby. As I open my email box, a friend sent me a link to Ed's "Whipsaw song". TTP seems to help her.

I do a total commitment to my marriage, to give my love to my wife and children. But how can I do it if I cannot walk upstairs, when I arrive home? It can be deeply disturbing for all of them to see me this way. Somebody compares my situation with standing in the middle of the road, waiting for the truck to hit me. No decision: I don't end my marriage, I do not commit to it. At home, several people wonder about my inability to jump to the right side of the road and end my marriage. I keep rationalizing about the logistical and financial issues with 3 children.

 

During a role playing, a Tribe member plays my wife and she says me that I am underestimating her, she can take care of her and the children. What have I been doing all this time? After a hot sit I realize that we should never have married at the first place. Was this insight wrong? I remember sleeping in the cellar for 3 days and feeling freed from the frustration and rejection which I experienced all over the years. But my wife tells me that her rejection was based on my attitude. I left her several times before, feeling rejected and frustrated, but returned each time, feeling my love for her. Was I just trying to manipulate her? Was I sincere? I wanted her to change. Was I the one who needed to change?

At the end of the workshop I talk to another Chief. A chief ... I am supposed to be a guide for my Tribe, a kind of emotional Ranger, leading the way, and right now I am a cripple. I want to cancel the next meeting on Friday and forget all this TTP story, forever, cancel my trips to other countries, tell them that I was completely wrong: The Tribe is only a dangerous cult. Then, I return to a life of drama, manipulation and un-fulfillment. I renounce to help the very few people who really want to improve. I give up my dream of having a network of people working to achieve their maximal potential. Do I gather weak people who only want to experience my abuse, my mutant version of TTP? Ed is not a psychiatrist. He misunderstood me sometimes, he misunderstood me during the workshop. Am I doing wrong by trusting him? I want very hard to meet my Tribe and bring my confusion, my humiliation, my bewilderment to the hot seat. Am I trying to medicate my feelings by using the hot seat? But Ed says that the processes that I manage are specially effective and that its results are long-lasting, and that there is some difference in the way I do it. It is a very, very small light shining in this exasperating, cold, empty darkness.

I see the list of workshop participants. I have 23 cards of participants offering their support to my Wave. The last two hours of the workshop I was just trying not to fall from the chair. I could not listen to Ed. I don't know what they are offering. I don't know what to do with the cards.

After the final check out I am appalled. I cannot walk, I cannot stand up. I see people leaving the room. What if I am the last here and I cannot walk and leave the room? I tell another Chief that I really do not want to manipulate him, but that I don't know what to do, that I need a suggestion. He tells me that he appreciate me asking, and will think about it. I CANNOT WALK! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! ARE YOU BLIND?! TTP was about compassion, supporting, receiving. People say me goodbye, express their admiration for my commitment. I NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE! If a doctor sees me he will give me some sedatives and send me to my country. I DON'T WANT SEDATION! I WANT RIGHT LIVELIHOOD! I WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY WIFE AND CHILDREN! I WANT TO GIVE UP MANIPULATION!

I see how TTP can harm people. It is harming me, hurting me a lot. But intentions=results. Do I want this harm? Do I need this humiliation, this misery? No Tribe member will trust me, comfort me, buy me a drink. I don't do that with my Tribe members. Do I need help? Yes, definitely. Who can help me? My last issue on the Hotseat was "nobody can help me". The feeling is OK. Nobody helps me during a marathon race, nobody helps me now. Can I handle the situation alone? I am afraid that I cannot. I call Ed. I CANNOT SPEAK AT THE PHONE! I DO NOT CONTROL MY BODY ANYMORE! I walk around in my room and fall a couple of times. Am I in the hands of a band of madmen? Ed calls me back. He laughs wholeheartedly about my history. I realize that I am the only one who is responsible for my own life, I don't know if I have the resources to do it. Intentions = results, but most marathon runners who intend to set a world record fail at it. I am writing down my feelings as they enter my head. This is not a report, this is me puking in a bucket like on Saturday. Ed mentions asking me if I want to feel my feelings, and me saying "no". I don't remember it, I don't remember the question. Is Ed cheating? Why should he? I remember myself growling on the floor, receiving immense support from three members, and not making any progress. Is it my fault? I always declared that I wanted to feel my feelings, to be an example for others, to overcome my fears and my limitations. And on Saturday I wait for Ed to appear. He helps me feeling "anger". While developing the form I insult other Tribe members. Is it necessary? Do I want to affect them? Can I show anger without attacking people? I experienced "anger" in a Hotseat some months ago. The intention was to cover "sadness" that I am experiencing in my marriage. Am I producing this sadness? I feel that I am driving in circles. I want to get out of this circle. My Wave is giving all my love to my family and help and support them, without hesitation, without second asking. How do I fail to make a commitment to it in the front of the group? I want to explain Ed, and he tells me that he does not want to listen to my story. I receive this rejection and thank him for it. Is my version of the history right? I feel humiliated, but 23 Tribe members express their
support and compassion and send my their card. Am I an example for them? Can they learn from me, from my experience, from my confusion? If yes, the pain that I am experiencing is worth. I saw myself as a successful motivator, working hard on his own issues. Now I am afraid that I am the least capable of helping somebody. Seeing my development, a psychiatrist would catalogue the Tribe as a dangerous cult, doing harm on healthy, sane people. Am I in the hands of a band of madmen? Am I the mad one? I see the past issues in my marriage. There is no past, and we use past just to generate guilt. Do I need to experience guilt? After a hot seat I experience the guilt of being a greedy bastard, an egoistic son of a bitch giving up my principles and ignoring my feelings just for money and a green card. Now I feel that it is OK to be greedy, egoistic and a bastard, as long as I don't hurt other people. Did I hurt my wife all of this years? She does ignore me after the birth of our children. I feel alone. Did I support her enough? Was I there all the time, helping her with the children, or was I a damned egoist and just blamed her instead of supporting her?

I want her to be happy. She is the nicest and kindest person. Am I sucking my own penis the whole time and ignoring her, her needs?

I wish that I know what to do. I don't want to set an egoistic agenda. I want to help people. I thought that TTP would be a powerful tool, but maybe I am using it just as an instrument to exert power on people. I DON'T WANT TOMANIPULATE PEOPLE! I WANT TO GIVE PEOPLE ROOM FOR THEIR OWN DEVELOPMENT, TO BE WHAT THEY WANT TO BE. I tell that to Ed, I remember him laughing and saying that it is OK to me to do what I am doing. When expectations differ from reality, you have a problem. I have a real problem now. I expect not to manipulate people, to be kind to them, to help them. Am I gathering a band of followers, or am I helping them?

I think about killing myself. I think about sending a farewell email. That is again manipulating people, trying them to feel guilt for my own problems. How did the other Tribe leader not just take five minutes, sit down by me and just support me until I can stand up? Tribe is about helping people to stand up and walk, or is it about smiling at them and saying "well, you are a cripple, and it seems to be OK for you".

What to do? I have to find the answer by myself. I remember the Tribe, thefinal check out, the smiling faces, the hugs, and me sitting in a corner, asking myself if I am able to do it to the airport. I remember standing up for the last picture, trying to stand on my feet, while all other people cherish and enjoy. I feel humiliated. I feel sick.

There is no place where I can return to live my old life. Now I know the reality of people generating drama. I cannot just return home, accept the huge drama of a University which generates [an enormous annual] loss, giving up my marriage, look for a girl and generate more drama. I really want my marriage to work! I really want to support my children! I just want to be happy! Am I asking too much?

My mother tells me about her bewilderment as she sees how my wife ignores me. Am I generating this answer? Am I the wrong one, the bad one? I can support her, give her what she needs. I remember doing it at the beginning of my marriage, trying hard to support her. Did I? Did I only expect her to be the way I want her to be? I feel like an emotional cripple. How can I guide people, how can I guide my Tribe? I don't know what to do. I feel that I need help. "Help" in this situation usually means sedatives, psychotherapy and an unfulfilled life. Ed tells me that all my deals are slippery, that I
cannot make a decision. Is he right? Am I doing wrong by listening to him? I remember him being wrong sometimes in the past. That is OK, but I have another picture of me. How can I receive people, be strong to help them, the way I am feeling now? I don't drink, I don't smoke, I am not on drugs. I can medicate my feelings by writing until my finger bleed, but it does not resolve the problem.

I definitely commit to give my wife and my children all what they need. The result will be being happy by serving and maybe also receiving from them the contact, the intimacy, the love that right now I need so hard. Where are my friends when I need them most? Where can I go? There is nowhere to go, just go home and work on my marriage and my children.

Which results am I showing in one year? Am I writing a report, thanking Ed for the opportunity and the Tribe for their support? Or am I regretting everything? I am afraid of not having control of the results. At least I could walk to the hotel lobby and check out. I am going to do it to the plane. I am arriving home tomorrow. I hope that I can sleep in the plane. The whole store is an ugly, a wrong, a sick nightmare.

I re-read my report. I need answers to a lot of questions. Nobody will provide me the answers. Well, maybe a therapist. Do I want a therapy? No. I want right livelihood. TTP helped me to move forward to it, very fast, very effectively. Now I don't know where I am. It is a bloody nightmare. What do I intend to do? What is Fred trying to do by mounting this exasperating
drama!?

Maybe I have to walk through this fire to be able to help other people. When I tell Ed about it, he laughs wholeheartedly and says that I am completely OK the way I am. I feel that he is wrong again. I am not OK. I want to see my wife, I want to apologize and concede that I don't know what to do, that I do need help. That is what usually alcoholics, substance addicts say. Am I one of them?

Workshop participants carry on to live brilliant, fantastic lives. Right now, I feel that my life sucks.

Whom does this psychological strip-tease help?

I experience real suffering, I don't try to manipulate somebody. I feel desolated.

I stop writing because I have to take my transfer.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

Your responses to having to "follow the rules" seem to include shutting down communication, throwing tantrums, being  "passive-aggressive,"  perhaps displaying "Conversion" and occasional "Bizarre Gait."

 

 

Tantrum

 

You might consider supplementing such response patterns with other resources such as receiving others' feelings and allowing others to receive your feelings.

 

Doing so is likely to shift your relationship basis in the direction away from control and toward intimacy.

 

TTP generally works best for willing subjects. People with control issues are typically un-willing to surrender control, even to a process; they tend to attract weak (and controllable) process management.

 

The control -> intimacy shift may, however, already be underway for you.

 

To further support the extension of your resource base, you might at some point consider taking your feelings about <commitment>, <control> and <intimacy> to Tribe.

 

You might also consider verifying you are fully willing to follow the process under the guidance of a strong process manager; your process manager can further support you in this by frequent willingness testing and by vacating the process upon detection of un-willingness.

 

I recall observing, during your Hot Seat, you periodically come out of process in order to give your process manager instructions.

 

You might also consider watching these videos and observing similarities with your own forms:

 

 

Adult Tantrum

http://www.break.com/index/chick-throws-embarrassing-tantrum-over-soup.html

 

A Child Explains How to Throw Tantrums

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKukwm9ODo

 

Children Only Throw Tantrums When Others Respond

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpSfThUv_pc

 

Failure of Communication During Tantrum

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ8mAQPSB1E&NR=

 

Rewarding a Child for a Tantrum

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXsVtwxc60o&feature=related

 

 

Here is a pretty good method for dealing with people who are throwing tantrums. 

 

a) Don't punish the child.


b) Don't reward the child.


c) Stay calm and ignore the behavior to the extent possible.


d) Keep the child safe.


e) Isolate the child if possible.


f) Don't let the disapproval of other people (who hook in to the drama) to interfere with your response to the tantrum.

 

g) Don't try to "fix" the child.

 

 

If you notice yourself becoming serious about surrendering control and going for intimacy, you might consider sharing this entire column with your associates - and paying particular attention to any advice they may have for you.

 

 

Some Resources for dealing with Tantrums:

http://www.heptune.com/tantrum.html

 

Information on Conversion Disorder:

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/

805361-overview

 

Information on Bizarre Gait:

http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/b/

bizarre_medical_conditions/book-diseases-5a.htm

 

Clip: http://www.natashaspencer.co.uk/

images/tantrum.jpg

Sunday, April 26, 2009

 

Tribe Member Extends Essential Tribe

Baby Daughter Becomes Process Manager


I choose to miss an IVTT meeting. On Thursday afternoon my Essential Tribe [my own family] welcomes a 7lb.8oz, 19" baby girl. Mother and daughter are feeling well. I am ecstatic.

Childbirth is an exercise in receiving, sending and going with the flow. The midwife says, "Go with the contraction. Let it pass through you." Our daughter is born with no medicinal or surgical intervention.

 

The hospital on the whole seems more keen on medication however; in recovery, we have to almost fight off nurses who come in every 30 minutes and insist on offering pain medication.

Truly, untying K-Nots is the work of a tribe. Only a couple days old, my daughter helps me to untie my K-Not around love. When I allow myself to feel love for her, I see that the path to healing is not in trying to make my parents give me the love I need. It is in giving my daughter the love she wants.

 

I notice my daughter is a real feelings pump.

Congratulations!

 

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

 

 

Zero Years Old

 

 

 

Father and Daughter

 

Thursday, April 23, 2009

 

Off To See The Wizard of Cause

 

Ed,

 

Can you name one person, place or thing that does not have an underlying cause.

Causality is not a property of a person, place or thing.  It is a property of the way you think about events that associate with these objects. 

 

Causes and Effects are typically events you happen to notice occurring at different phases of a cycle. 

 

As such, the "cause" event does not have informational linkages with the "effect" event.

 

In the System Dynamic Model, you register the interconnections of accumulations and information feedback between objects.

 

For more on Cause and Effect, see the EcoNowMics link, above.

 

Exercise #1: Build the pendulum model, as others are doing in this column.  You might notice: (A) structural elements communicate only in the moment of now; (B)  behavioral phases do not communicate with each other; (C) you cannot account for the oscillation in terms of what is "causing" it.

 

You can account for the oscillation by considering the interactions of all the system elements as they evolve simultaneously in the ever evolving moment of now.

 

Exercise #2:  You might consider asking a dozen people for the "cause" of Seattle; you are likely to receive quite different responses, typically including, "I don't know what you are asking."

 

Please perform exercise #2 and email me the responses.

 

 

 

Seattle Does Not Have a "Cause"

 

until you give it one.

 

 

 

Causality Model Advocates

are Typically Imprecise

 

about

 

Events,

Objects

Information Linkages

Response Policies

Accumulations,

Flows

and Phases

 

-----

 

The All-Famous Seven-Ply Causal Model

with attending confusion

between object and events.

 

"We're Off to See the Wizard,

The Wonderful Wizard of Cause.

 

The Wizard of Cause is one

 

because

 

because, because, because, because

 

because ...

 

because of the wonderful things he does."

 

-----

 

Moment of Redemptive Munchkin Clarity

 

The Munchkins demonstrate

a grasp of System Dynamics

when they exhort the Fabulous Four

 to implement their odyssey

by staying in the now

and evolving toward their snapshots,

one hop-skip step at a time.

 

"Follow the yellow brick road,

follow the yellow brick road
Follow, follow, follow, follow,

follow the yellow-brick road


Follow the yellow-brick,

follow the yellow-brick
Follow the yellow-brick road."

 

-----

 

lyrics by EH Harburg

music by Harold Arlen

(c) Warner Brothers

 

 

Clips:

 

Google Maps

 

http://weblogs.amny.com/entertainment/

stage/blog/wizard-of-oz.jpg

Thursday, April 23, 2009

 

Creating an Un-Responsive Wife


Ed,


It's late on Wednesday. The next tribe meeting is 17 hours away. I am just now getting to the FAQ readings. I read the posts as they come in from tribe members, but have not reviewed the site. I have not worked on my pendulum. I felt some inspiration to do so today but it quickly faded when anger / sadness over situation with spouse arose.

The positive intention of these feelings is to challenge me to examine my intentions. My tendency would be to "blame" outside influences (spouse's erratic behavior) for these negative feelings.

 

Through TTP, I see my intentions are equal to my results. I intended to marry a woman who was "impossible" to please, so when I tried and failed, I could play the martyr, the strong one. And that's what happened in the past. I am now in the present, she is still in the past.

In the FAQ (04/21/2009), Ed says, "Right livelihood involves seeing ourselves as the source of our intentions and results."

 

This is an important summation, as I tend to think of "right livelihood" as behaving myself. I resent it when people make value judgments about my behavior, when people say my behavior is "inappropriate". It's such a bull***t social construct to shame people into compliance.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

You might consider extending your newly evolving responsibility view to include identifying the stimulation (stream of information) you give your wife in order to motivate her to be "impossible to please."

 

You might also consider taking your feelings about <pleasing others> to Tribe.

 

 

 

You Get to be a #1 Pleaser

 

by stimulating partner

in pleasurable ways

 

and especially

 

by not stimulating her

to be impossible to please.

 

 

Clip: http://www.vibratoroftheyear.com/_Media/

jack-rabbit-vibrator_textmedium.jpeg

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

 

No Shortage of Reasons


Dear Ed,

Your invitation (to attend the Workshop) released feelings of pent up emotions, of acceptance and belonging. I cried.


Thank you. I am not always easy to work with on an emotional or non-CM basis.

 

Mom has been in [City] for a month and a half taking care of my grandmother, age 96. Is genetic longevity genes inherited from the maternal side? My mother comes home tomorrow. I am taking [Mother and Wife] out for dinner and a show Friday night.
This past 15 months were difficult.

Highlights:


Three cars crashed and totaled by 2 sons and my daughter, (all of my children are OK, minor scratches).

 

The older cars were insured for liability only. As a parent, getting a call from the Sheriff on a Sunday night to advise that a big rig just T-Boned my daughter's new Toyota Corolla, totaling the car, that our 19 yo son and 17 yo daughter are in separate ambulances on the way to SB hospital.


My oldest son Michael, 24, was in IRAQ for 15 months, Air Cav, working as a SGT. and black hawk / Apache helicopter mechanic, watching the Burger King guy and two female copter refuelers get taken out by mortar fire. [My son] saw his mentor, a chief warrant officer ... who could have stayed home to fly with an Army air-show team but chose to go back to IRAQ, blown out of the sky.

 

His team recovered the bodies. Every day of the 15 months I read, prayed and worried and lived IRAQ. When he was home on leave, I asked about the incident. His shocked eyes teared up.


This past November, we evacuated for four nights as a 31,000 acre wildfire raged ... into my backyard. At the same time [another] fire burned 9 miles up the canyon and stopped half a mile from my front yard. I left home never expecting to see the structure again.
 

In July, 4 months earlier, the [an] earthquake hit.

My 18 yo son was arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to sell. He spent 4 months in residential rehab and a 40 something days in ... Prison. It is a tossup, the stress of a son in prison and one in [combat].

Oh, and I was laid off after over 8 years of hard work, my favorite dog ... passed away, my spouse entered a state of depression.

Why do I write about these events:

1. I feels good to share with the intent of living in the present.

2. Perspective. It was tough year and 1/2, war, earthquakes, trauma, prison, wildfires, death, but my family is intact, and I am somewhat stronger. What does not kill us. . .

3. Ed, I want you to understand how much I appreciate your personal invitation and to be asked to participate in something positive . . . I am extremely grateful for your invitation. I intend to attend the next workshop / seminar. I will mail a check for the book and card by next week.

In TTP we come to view reasons (Causal Model) as medicinal responses; the pro-active alternative includes the consideration of our own roles in co-creating our circumstances (System Model) .

 

 

 

The Tease

 

may not not see herself

as responsible for the responses

she elicits in others.

 

 

Clip: http://blog.onlytease.com/wp-content/

uploads/2007/12/only-tease-oxi-preview.jpg

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

 

Insights About Origins and Operations

of a Medicinal Rock
 

Ed,


Ed says: You might consider taking your feelings about doing things by the book to Tribe.

Thank you for your suggestion. I look forward to implementing it.

Another, related issue I want to take to tribe is <going it alone>.

I confront my father about his walking out of my life when I am 5. I tell him how much I miss him as a child, how angry I am at him for not being there for me.

 

I tell him that to make the pain go away, I convince myself that I don't need a father. I tell him how I hate living this lie. I wonder about parallels in our lives. When my father is 5, in 1937, his father disappears into Stalin's GULAG. My father tells me that when that happens, my grandmother sends him away to live with relatives in another city. Essentially, he loses both parents at once. He tells me that he doesn't share my feelings though--he says that he felt his father's support wherever he was.

I recognize, and come to accept, my feelings about my father--my anger, and my love, and my longing. I cry--first on the phone, and then, later, when I tell my wife about this conversation. It shakes me deeply.

A day or two pass. I reflect on the depth of my father's denial and wonder about my own. I think about my mother and begin to accept that she has a substance abuse problem. She consumes alarming quantities of sleeping pills, diuretics, immuno-suppressants -- some prescription, some over-the-counter.

 

All through my teenage years, I play co-dependent enabler. When I buy the OTC stuff for her, the experience is always the same--no pharmacy stocks the quantities she needs, and pharmacists have to special-order the bulk of my purchase. I grow up feeling shame for my mother, but wonder where to place it. I am in denial about substance abuse, so I feel shame for her accent, manners and immigrant status instead. I never know what to expect when she comes home--one day she is affectionate and loving, next she can scream and yell, then she can try to make up for her screaming with inexplicable generosity. Generosity is the worst for me--it throws off what little sense of stability I manage to build. She spends all of her time and most of her money seeking out doctors who promise to medicate her in increasingly exotic ways.

My way of dealing with two unsupportive parents seems to be to convince myself that I don't need their support. In fact, their support may be harmful, and I'm better off going it alone. So when I come to build a pendulum model, I prefer to build one from scratch, instead of relying on other people's software, tutorials or examples. I want to take my feelings about this to Tribe.

Thank you for sharing your process and insights.

 

 

 

Orphans May Not Have Access

 

to role models

for implementing

proactive resources.

 

In the TTP Rocks Process

we identify medicinal patterns

and supplement them

with pro-active resources.

 

Clip: http://internationalservants.com/images/

photos/Thailand_Street_Orphan.JPG

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pendulum 4

Ed,


Here is my latest attempt at describing the pendulum. I find this exercise very interesting and instructive. The way I look at the ebb and flow of the market is different due to this exercise. The market seems to me to show pendulum-like behaviors at times.

From the point of view of the pendulum:
 

I begin my journey at an angle of 45 degrees from a vector straight from the pivot to the center of the earth.


At the moment of release I begin to move in the direction of the center of the earth along an arc described by my length from the pivot point.


My velocity increases as I accelerate at 9.8 meters per second per second along the arc.


My friction at the pivot point and the air resistance increase as my speed increases.


My velocity decreases as I pass the vector from the pivot point to the center of the earth and begin moving away from the center of the earth.


My friction and air resistance decrease as my speed decreases.


My velocity and friction decrease to zero at the point where my speed towards the earth equals my speed away from the earth.


At that point I feel begin moving back along the arc towards the center of earth.


My velocity increases as I accelerate at 9.8 meters per second per second along the arc.


The length of the arc that I travel is shorter each trip until I come to rest on the vector from the pivot to the center of the earth.

Ed, I am having the most trouble describing what happens at the moment of turnaround, and the decay of the arc until I am at rest.

You are making progress here.

 

You are keeping your descriptions in small moments of now - this is how the simulation model does it - and generates a very accurate description.

 

For more depth, you might consider describing the values of all the key variables (accelerations, velocity and position) at each point.

 

At the turns for example (high point on the arc), you have high acceleration. This acts to change the velocity quickly;  Velocity changes from going up, to zero to going down ...

 

Note the vertical acceleration may indeed be 9.8 m/s; to get the tangential acceleration (along the swing path), you might consider resolving with a sine function.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

 

Great Expectations

 

Ed,

as future does not exist, what is your meaning of the word "expectation" in the ever-evolving moment of now?

Thank you so much for your wonderful site. I do affirm that I learn from it so many useful things I need in my daily present life. Now I know that life is a real present.

Best regards.

An expectation is a now-vision of something that is non-existing in the now, except as your vision.

 

TTP deals with the mechanics of generating expectations (Cause and Effect Model / Intention and Result Model) and also with managing emotions that arise out of comparing expectations with reality.

 

 

 

Charles Dickens

(1812 – 1870)

 

Charles Dickens' novel, Great Expectations, circa 1860, originally appears in a literary periodical; serialization keeps readers in a state of high "expectation" about how the plot might resolve in the next issue.  In the end, Dickens provides two separate endings.

 

 

 

This Woman is Expecting

 

(a) to populate the the tricycle

(b) to love and nurture a child

(c) to recapture her own childhood.

 

The answer depends

 

on your own expectations.

 

 

 

Clips:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Dickens

 

http://www.galeriecharmante.com/

TheExpectation.jpg

Sunday, April 19, 2009

 

Cheap Oil - Magazine Cover

 

Ed,

 

I notice this in the airport.

 

 

 

Clip: http://www.newsweekeurope.com/magazine/ 

Thank you for the clip.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

 

TTP Metrics

 

Dear Ed,


After a talk with the Chair of the the Department of Psychosomatics at [University], he plans two studies about physiological and psychological effects of TTP.

 

I wholeheartedly invite you to participate with your knowledge and guidance.

OK.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

 

Pendulum Mirrors Life

Ed,

I finally was able to create the pendulum models.
I got stuck at how to calculate the drag times, and at last I copied them from [Tribe Member's] models.

I learned a lot about myself during the process.

The homework was to create a model that would reproduce the measured behavior of the pendulum, and not a real pendulum.

We measured positions at 0 seconds and positions at ~62.4 seconds after 20 swings. This is all we had, plus the length of the pendulum.

We did not know what and how exactly happened in between those two points of time.

It is relatively simple to build a model that will closely reproduce the same measured parameters.

I wanted to be fancy, and stand out by going after the real pendulum behavior with much more details, such as the drag is being proportional to the square of the velocity with the large swing, and proportional to the velocity with the small swing. I envisioned that my model will exhibit an exponentially diminishing decay with an asymptotic amplitude curve on the graph: well we did not measure that.

By going into these details I realized, that I need to learn calculus, so I bought a book. reading that, I saw that I really needed pre-calculus first to understand calculus, so i bought that too.

I got so busy and confused, that I was not able to complete my homework.


Now I see that probably what I need is to go into the Road Maps with more effort, and just to stick to the assignment I was given at the tribe meeting.

I behave like this in other areas of my life. I have to understand everything before I do it: trading: I read all kinds of books, looking up all kinds of information before I dare to pull the trigger, and I usually overlook the single most important information which would be the key to the profits.

I envy people (there are several in our group), who can simplify problems, and able to create a working model, like a simple system that makes money without trying to understand why and how the price moves.

I hope these realizations will bring me somewhat closer to the right livelihood. I have ways to go.

Pendulum Model - Equation Set

 

Position(t) = Position(t - dt) + (Vel) * dt
INIT Position = 0.13 m
INFLOWS:
Vel = Velocity
Velocity(t) = Velocity(t - dt) + (Acc) * dt
INIT Velocity = 0 m/s
INFLOWS:
Acc = G_Acc-Drag
Angle = desired_angle-Position/Length
desired_angle = 0 RAD
Drag = Velocity/Drag_time
Drag_time = 192 s
Gravity = 9.8 m/s^2
G_Acc = Gravity*SIN(Angle)
Length = 2.41 m

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

 

 

Right Livelihood

 

involves seeing ourselves

 

as the source

 

of our intentions and results.

 

 

Clip: http://www.abundance-and-happiness.com/

self-awareness-quotes.html

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

 

DIM on Steroids

 

Ed,

 

Ed Says:  "You might consider taking your feelings about <wanting to look good> and <wanting to belong> to Tribe."

 

I live without a past or future as data points. I am in the NOW.I need to be good, belong and live right. I intend to be a good student, father, parent, husband, trader, broker and person. My desire to look good, or my need to belong imply future think. Chief, your response to my last FAQ post set FRED and CM into death match mode. I need to understand the relationship of being laid off by my father's and looking good. This is not yet clear. I feel there is a deep connection. My stepfather let me go at 15. I did not look good to him, (I would not cut my hair circa 1975). He had a new wife who wanted nothing to do with my sisters or myself. I saw him at my stepbrothers wedding . "You cut your hair!" This was his greeting to me after a 33 year estrangement. I feel grateful, at 48, to have hair. The future and past are non-existent. How can I want to belong or look good? I look good, belong, live right or DO NOT. I felt, "I would never want to belong to a club that would have me as a member". My old motto: "If it's to be, it's up to me" (DIM). How do I reconcile these beliefs in the present? I invite intentional provocation from the Tribe. I sincerely thank you for your painstaking work.

You might consider extending your high-intensity DIM process to include some other Tribe Members.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

 

Pendulum - Revision

 

Ed,

 

Here is my model with revisions.

 

 

 

 

 

In Your model, you have this construction:

 

 

 

and

 

 

 

A change is a difference between states.

If you are at position [A = 5 meters] and move to position [B = 10 meters] you change your position by 5 meters.

In MKS, A, B and the change are all in units of measure = meters.

Your model naming and units are inconsistent for "Change in Position."

You might like to review Road Maps and/or other resources, including those at the EcoNowMics link, above. until you become proficient on the definitions of jerk, acceleration, velocity, position and on the importance of unitary consistency in model building.

I envision a process in which we go around
the Tribe, affording each Tribe Member an opportunity to speak to these issues, and in which you can provide leadership, guidance and support in achieving clarity.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009
 

Confusion


Chief,

after our conversation I feel slightly overwhelmed and confused.

 

To me, the positive intention of overwhelming is "challenge - hard work - put your hands on it!". The positive intention of confusion is "challenge - clarify it!".

I really appreciate your painstakingly work on me.

Thank you very much.

 

Yours,

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

 

Confusion Generally Attends

 

attempts to manage

 

the non-existing past and future.

 

 

Clip: http://heyjude.files.wordpress.com/

2007/04/confusion.jpg

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

 

Hiding

 

Hello Mr. Ed,


Recently I came across an interesting Taoist story of the farmer:


One day an old farmer's horse ran away. Hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.

“Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“We’ll see,” the farmer replied.


The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.

“How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“We’ll see,” replied the old man.


The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

“We’ll see,” said the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“We’ll see” said the farmer.

It would be nice if you could put your own comments on this one on FAQ.

With regards

You might consider sharing your process and / or your feelings to this site.

 

 

 

Telling Story

 

is a pretty good way

 

to hide your feelings.

 


Clip: http://cache.virtualtourist.com/3551282-IM_

HIDING_FROM_THESE_PEOPLE-Westlake_Village.jpg

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


A Gift for Ed
 

Ed,


For weeks a repeating thought keeps coming to me “what gift can I bring to the workshop for Ed”? I think about it and think about it, maybe something with music, but I will have to ask him questions so the gift is right and he really likes it. Then I think what gift does Ed give to all the tribe? It's not material and it's not things. From the glossary page:

Right Livelihood: When Fred and CM communicate, Fred reduces the pressure on the feelings pump and drama melts away. Absent dramatic distraction, people align CM and Fred toward sharing their special gifts with focus and vigor.

My intention is to come to the workshop ready to experience feelings (including fear) and share my special gifts.

My preference for a "gift" is for you to participate fully in the Workshop.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Pre-Workshop Noticing Fear

 

Ed,


I am writing a pre-workshop note. A friend asks me about TTP and the talk moves to the snapshot process, bumper stickers and goals. I recall sharing a potential snapshot for me and noticing an intense feeling of fear and thinking “wow this might be between me and the snapshot”.

 

During another chat, I notice this fear is creating some repeating dramas and running aspects of my life. I ask myself “fear of what”? I realize it is fear of everything, and then I get clarity. It is fear of what others think of me and fear of failure. At this moment now, as I write this, I feel fear.

 

What will you and all who read this think of me? It overwhelms me and I feel tightness in my chest. I do not know where this came from or what it is all about, I guess it is a feeling tied in a knot and perhaps a medicinal rock as well?


Thanks for TTP and hosting the workshop

Thank you for sharing your process.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Premature Evacuation
 
Hi Ed,

Despite being an reasonably profitable market participant, I have continually failed to take advantage of my market insights; insights that frustratingly often work out to be correct in the medium to long term, but may take some time to work out in the short term. The typical cycle is that I take a leveraged position based on my assessment of the medium to long term, but am not able to hold it for a length of time that allows it to come to fruition. This has some parallels in my personal life, and probably has to do with inability to hold the anxiety in the short term that might lead to medium to longer term "profits" (benefits). This problem has causes me some considerable frustration.

For example:

I correctly anticipate the market falls beginning in October 2007 in late 2005, to the point of holding put options that subsequently more than halved in value over the course of the 2 years, but eventually went up by some multiple when the expected fall took place. However, I sell my position for a meager profit when I might have made a lot of money.

I suspect this is a common problem and appreciate any insight you might have to offer me.

Thank you for sharing your process. 

 

You might consider taking your feelings about <making sure she reaches climax before you quit> to Tribe.

 

 

 

If You Want To Make It

All The Way To The Top

 

you might have to deal

 

with a little steam

on the way up.

 

 

Clip: http://www.dself.dsl.pipex.com/MUSEUM/

LOCOLOCO/climax/climax24.jpg

Saturday, April 18, 2009

 

Disappointment

Hi Ed,


I feel frustrated and disappointed that every time I see a workshop date that it does not align with my work schedule.

 

I have been an avid reader of TT site and have learnt a great deal about myself and other traders. I work in a remote and isolated area and feel I will never be able to turn to right livelihood soon enough if at all. Let alone set up my own tribe with like minded people. I am considering if I could work in the USA and become a member of a tribe bringing me closer to my goal. My work is very demanding and leaves me with little energy for my passion trading. I am scared to leave my current work situation to make the move, again I feel frustrated.

Thank you for sharing your process.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

 

Wants to Visit

Hi Ed,

Is there a weekend where you would be meeting, anytime after May 11 to Aug 14th. Please, please ... I am really looking forward to attending the session.

I was flying to New York on [airline], and the flight was over sold. They offered a free ticket to anywhere in the country to volunteer for the next flight two hours later. That's how I won the ticket and now I want to fly to CA to meet you.

Sincerely,

I do not know to which "session" you refer.

 

I host an occasional TTP series and / or Breathwork for Workshop graduates.

 

I live in Nevada.  If you see us meeting in California, perhaps you know something I don't.

Saturday, April 18, 2009
 

Computing Euler's method (was: Pendulum)

 

Ed,

 

Ed Says: To prolong your confusion as long as possible, you might consider continuing to avoid the on-line examples and the Road Maps tutorials.
 
Thank you for your email. I notice very strong feelings that come up when I read it. These feelings are apparently in a huge k-not as I not only try to avoid them, I don't even know what to call them.

I notice that they are similar to feelings I experience when I talk with my father. I notice that the getup is similar. I report an intermediate result which I'm proud of, and look for support and advice on how to continue. I interpret Ed's response as suggestion to stop fiddling with my toys and start doing as he would do.

I feel strong resistance to these feelings. It must be something very important to me, and I feel grateful to Ed for bringing me in touch with them. As painful as they are, I want to ask Ed to probe them more.

Then again, perhaps I'm only setting myself up to feel disappointment.

Thank you for sharing your process.

 

You might consider taking your feelings about <doing things by the book> to Tribe.

Friday, April 17, 2009

 

Socio-Economic Behavior
 

Ed,

 

Ed Says: Yes, I have a number of Models that deal with socio-economic behavior.

Do you think that there is a relationship between the 30's economic crisis and world wars I and II? I mean, war looks like part of the "restructuring" process. If so, how do the modern stimulus packages fit in this "dynamic system"?

Let me know when you get your pendulum model working.

Friday, April 17, 2009

 

Nausea


Chief,

I felt severe stomach pain and nausea for a month before writing FAQ. After visiting my doctor and many tests nothing was resolved and /or diagnosed. I woke daily with nausea, (no vomiting) and severe stomach pain. It felt like a burning brick in my upper right abdomen eating at my gut. The pain was constant and did not respond to medication. I felt like I was dying. I prayed. I felt it was my trading / situation / physical health.

 

I expressed my anger and betrayal in my professional relationships to FAQ. The pain left my body. I feel enlightened and grateful. I have no tribe but FAQ. Thank you FAQ. The burning rock in my stomach was betrayal. My father "laid me off" at 4 years old, AHA. My step father "laid me off" at 14, when I did not live up to his standards. AHA. I feel light, pain free and alive again.

 

My trading is fun and profitable. I toss losses, accept flaws in myself, my family, friends, and associates. I let winning relationships / trades / situations be winners. When I feel the urge to judge, control, and fix. I acknowledge FRED's point of view, then weigh his intent in my CM. Before speaking I listen, before prescribing I ask open ended questions. I have work to do. I know that I know nothing. I feel a lightness of being. I am happier and starting to meet new people. I have a new email address.

You might consider taking your feelings about <wanting to look good> and <wanting to belong> to Tribe.

 

 

 

Obsessing About Looking Good

 

can prevent a good look.

 

 

 

Clip: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/alltherage/

images/2008/04/21/womandriving

caradjustingmirrorappl.jpeg

Friday, April 17, 2009


MAD Magazine 50th Anniversary
 

Ed,


The attached pic was printed on special cover that was released on 50th anniversary of MAD. One can see various avatars of Alfred E. Neuman.

 

 

Typically irreverent towards authority of all stripes, MAD seems conspicuously shy about taking on the current eco-policies.

Friday, April 17, 2009

 

A Moment of Clarity

Ed,

 

You have led me into a path where I now see why price has a long bias.

Expansion of the money supply!

Imagine a case where a government did not expand the money supply and productivity increased.

The increase in productivity would cause prices to decline as there would be the same amount of money divided by more product.

Naturally, tax collected per unit of bread would decline, but this would be made up by more units of bread to tax. Net income to the government would be the same.

Someone who had saved their money, would now have cheaper prices and a better standard of living. No interference by government.

Since the government cannot contain itself and spends more than it takes in, it must now inflate the money supply to dilute the value of the currency, cause price inflation, to increase the total tax revenue, to pay off their debt. The long bias in price is the result of this expansion of money.

Too bad we do not have a balanced system where going short is as easy as going long, in stocks, in wages, in everything.

There's a big wave coming - closer every day.

Friday, April 17, 2009


Playing With Dice

Hi Ed,

Reading the FAQ reminds me of Einstein's famous "God doesn't play dice with the Universe." Your argument seems to be similar.

 

You see  intention = result for everything, and so we can see our own intention by observing the result that we get. There is no "accident." It's just a manifestation that justifies our intention. If we get into a drama of being robbed, it is our intention to have this drama so that it justifies us (perhaps) feeling like a victim, and that attracts the robber through the Under-Fred Network, and there's the result.

That's my understanding of it. Now while I think that can very well be the case, I wonder if there is also some element of chance in it. Could it be that there are many people just like me, and it just turns out by chance I end up being the victim and not some other Joe?

I recall some FAQ that say physics explain how objects move and their impact on collision with elegant formula and etc., but they can't explain how come the objects appear at the same place at the same time in the first place. Or how come people show up at the right place at the right time when we need them. While I attribute a lot of that to the intention of the person, I wonder if chance also plays a role.

Thanks.

Chance is a property of the many.  In a series of a thousand coin tosses, you can estimate what percent are "likely" to come up heads. 

 

Chance does not apply to the few or to the one. If you entrain a drama, the chance is 100%, else it is zero.

 

 

 

Once Something Happens

 

the chance of it happening

 

is 100%

 

 

Clip: http://www.bookswim.com/images_books/

large/Cloudy_With_a_Chance_of_Meatballs-

119431885436795.jpg

Friday, April 17, 2009


Essentialism

Hi Ed,

It seems that "essential" is a term that appears a lot more in your words than what most people use with their vocabulary. One of your ("essential") gifts seem to be the ability to see what things as a system, and able to strip out what's "inessential" such that we can apply leverage to maximize the systemic result. I can relate that to an engineering background.

Anyway, just a random comment. I am happily learning here.

You are essentially correct.

Friday, April 17, 2009

My Output -> Your Input ->

Your Output -> My Input -> My Output ...
 
Hi Ed,

I get it now! Years ago in the Workshop you said we are all connected, and that if I want to change others, I may consider working to change myself.

My previous thinking comes from a causal framework, in that I can "cause" others to change. However, that tends to backfire and the desired effect tend to be short-lived while the resentment lasts for a much longer time. Now, through the learning of systems, I can see that how my output becomes other people's input, and that go through their "black box", and they give an output, which in turn I use as an input to my own "black box", which produces an output and the cycle continues.

Therefore, when I change myself, I am changing my "black box", which changes my output, and which in turn affects others. For example, if I have a "black box" program that instructs me to react to rudeness with more rudeness, then when someone is rude to me, I just become ever more rude to him. The other person interprets my rudeness and they too may share a similar program, and that's when the issue escalates, a typical positive feedback loop. (Substitute rudeness with violence and that pretty much explains the systemic structure of warfare.

"Know Thyself" is to understand our own "black box". With Rocks and etc., we are learning how to reprogram it. If we can change our output from "more rudeness" to "more loving", as perhaps we can see that his rudeness is just his black box instruction when stressful and its own implicit cry for help. Then my output of kindness affects him, and that creates another positive feedback loop, but with a totally different result.

It seems a lot clearer to me now. Thanks for all the teaching. While I seem to understand the two-people scenario, I am not sure how applicable it is to translate into a massive scale. While the same principle still holds, but in a many-people scenario, my output is just going to be only one of the many inputs to the other person. So it seems while I may be able to "cancel out" some of the negative outputs of others (more rudeness to rudeness), the impact can be insignificant.

I wonder what you think about it, thanks.

You might consider taking your feelings about <cancelling  out> to Tribe.

Friday, April 17, 2009

 

Doubles the Issue


Ed,

I was just about to send in major changes to the Trading Tribe Information Document and when I looked at it I realized that I am actually moving towards every single Snapshot and I do not want to change hardly anything!

The only change will be I have to change the word boy to boys because I have two boys now!

OK.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Wants a Mentor


Thanks Ed,

For the quick reply. In that case I'll wait patiently for the next course as I've not been able to figure out how to Reno yet. May I also take the opportunity to ask if you happen to know of any good traders like yourself in Singapore? For I was hoping to find one as mentor.

The teacher you seek is nearby.

Friday, April 17, 2009

 

Susan Boyles

 

Ed,

 

Just taking a break from work. My desk partner introduce me to this. I thought I share this. I got in touch with some feelings. Thanks for watching.

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDr6fAGHnq8

The entire production, including the "surprise" reactions of the judges (one of them is the very clever producer) is all very effective theatre.

Friday, April 17, 2009


Pendulum Model
 

Ed,

 

I just completed the Pendulum Model with [Name's] final touch. Thanks [other people] for advice too. I try to do it myself but I finally broke to ask for help and that is better than not get done. Thanks a lot for a attention.

 

 

No pass.

 

Your variable "change in position" has an inconsistency between its name and its units of measure. 

 

Perhaps you are trying to implement a variation of differential calculus. 

 

You might consider thinking this through, reviewing Road Maps, and then straightening out your "advisors."