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Wednesday, April 20, 2011 Austin Tribe Meeting Report Bicycles and Atomic Reactors Ed, In our tribe meeting a tribe member goes through his process which includes, among other things, his bicycle being run over by his step mother. Having his bicycle run over is a big deal to him, and he, with the help of the tribe, works through his process. Our son turns five and we get him a bicycle for his birthday. He is extremely excited, and I get to experience the joy and exhaustion of running behind a bicycle. I’m out of the state at a convention, and an old friend comes by to visit. I have no expectations of seeing him and am pleasantly surprised by his visit. He is an expert cyclist who has experience riding on cycling teams at professional and international levels. I share with him that we give our son a bike for his birthday. He gets a serious look on his face, and he says, “Do you know what you just gave him?” I respond that we give him a bicycle. He says, “What you just gave him is FREEDOM.” I feel his passion and his sincerity as he says, “FREEDOM.” I gain deeper appreciation for my friend and tribe member who has his bicycle, his freedom, taken from him. His willingness to take the hot seat and work through his process helps make me a better father for my son. At one point, Ed mentions something to the effect that we are about to have a Japanese nuclear reaction take place in the meeting. I feel some nervousness from Ed that something big is about to happen. At the same time, I don’t have a clue as to what he is talking about or feeling. All I see are a bunch of guys sitting around. All of a sudden one person’s process triggers another person’s process (the nuclear reaction is taking place) and Ed is managing all the processes at the same time. I marvel at how Ed manages all the processes, and then, I have an AHA about how we are all interconnected. It’s one thing to study systems thinking and gain understanding of the interconnectedness of parts and systems. It’s quite another thing to experience the interconnectedness in real time, with real people, who have no visible link to one another. I state “no visible link,” which only means that there is no link that I can see. My hunch is that Ed “sees” it, or feels it, or is so present in the NOW that he is completely tuned into what is happening. I have immense gratitude for Ed’s willingness to open up his home and his heart. Best, |
Thank you for sharing your process - and for your report on
Tribe reinforcement.
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011 Tribe Meeting Follow-Up Dealing with Anger and Grief Dear Ed, At the last tribe meeting a tribe member takes the hot seat to address a problem he is facing. The tribe member is without a job for the first time in a long time, and wants to build a trading system sufficient to support his lifestyle. However, he is procrastinating about his goal of creating a trading system. When he thinks about taking steps to build his system, he shuts down and finds other things to fill his time. When you question him about his willingness to work on this issue, he likewise shuts down and goes cold. He seems devoid of emotion and appears lethargic. It is only when you challenge him with possible expulsion from the tribe that he begins to express any real emotion. Finally, the tribe member agrees to take the hot seat in earnest, and we learn that when he is a child he is at war with his sisters. His sisters continually gang up against him, and his father takes their side. This causes him a great deal of pain. We also learn that at some point in his childhood the family is expecting the birth of another child. The tribe member recalls desperately wanting a brother so he can have an ally against his sisters, and someone to whom he can relate. Unfortunately, the newborn child (a boy) dies immediately after being born. The tribe member is very upset about the loss. However, he recalls seeing his parents react very stoically to this unfortunate event. They go cold, and he learns that going cold is the way to respond to traumatic events. As an adult, he now goes cold when he loses his job and has to find his calling. He is mimicking the response of his parents to the loss of their child. After seeing other tribe members role play this experience, the tribe member attempts to interact with his parents about this event using an intimacy-centric model. He talks to his mother and father about the loss of the child. Rather than shutting down, the tribe member shares how he feels with the parents. In turn, the parents share how they feel with the tribe member. He achieves intimacy with his parents, and learns a better way of reacting to traumatic events. Interestingly, in the role playing exercise the tribe member openly addresses an implicit agreement he has with his mother. In this agreement, he agrees to repress his emotions and shut down when facing a traumatic event. In the role play, the tribe member tells his mother that he is breaking this agreement for good. He informs her that from this point forward he plans to experience and share his feelings. I feel a real sense of freedom in the tribe member when he goes through the process of expressly breaking this agreement. As I watch this process, I am struck by the realization that we form subtle, yet powerful, agreements with our family members at very early ages. We agree to behave in certain ways. We agree to take on certain roles and labels. We agree to forsake certain feelings. As I am struck by this realization I see that these agreements run our lives later on as adults, and we are largely unaware of them. Our happiness as adults is largely a function of agreements we make decades earlier when we are children. Another tribe member wants to work on an issue relating to his family. Specifically, the tribe member hates his father, mother, and step-mother. He wants a better relationship with his parents, but is uncomfortable with the feelings of anger he has toward his family. When the tribe member takes the hot seat we learn that his mother is unstable, his father is an alcoholic, and his step-mother is cruel. He recalls not having much food to eat when he is young. He recounts having to store food in his bedroom. He recalls his step-mother running over his bicycle when he is young, and firing his nanny, who functions as his real mother for many years. In general, he grows up in a very abusive and hostile environment. As I hear about the tribe member's childhood I become very angry myself. I empathize with the tribe member, and feel the urge to defend the tribe member from his family. As the role play commences, I volunteer to assume the role of the tribe member when he is young. In the role play, I face a hostile father and step-mother who are berating me for keeping food in my room. At first I feel as though I am drowning in the volume of their yelling. But I feel my anger rise and I utilize it. Feeling my anger, I break through the wall of volume and share my feelings. I also intently inquire about my father's and step-mother's feelings. I do not give up. The anger powers my resolve, and I ultimately achieve intimacy with my parents. We have a good conversation about how we all feel and, as importantly, I establish my boundaries in the process. When the tribe member eventually takes on the role of himself as a child, he uses the same tools to achieve a better outcome with his parents. He is able to express his anger in a constructive way, and achieve a level of intimacy with his parents. After the process, I feel powerful and strong. For much of my life, I dread the feeling of anger. I do a poor job establishing my personal boundaries, which leads to sporadic blow ups, bad business deals, and messy relationships. Because of my work in tribe, I am now able to better feel my anger, and funnel it through an intimacy-centric model to not only establish my boundaries, but to achieve more intimacy. I find it interesting that anger can actually function to enhance intimacy, rather than destroy it. Through this process I learn something else which I find very important. When feeling and expressing my anger, there is an inevitable risk of loss. By feeling my anger and maintaining my personal boundaries, there is a chance that a relationship or situation might end. And with that, there is a very real possibility that I might experience grief or sadness as a result. I now see that anger and grief can be sister emotions. To experience and express my anger, I might very well have to be willing to experience my grief as well. Thank you, tribe, for supporting my process through your courage and hard work. I am gaining immensely by participating in your processes. Very truly yours, |
Thank you for sharing your process - and your insights about
anger and grief.
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011 Request to Reprint Good Day, I would like permission to put this quote and credit from p 179 of Schwager's MARKET WIZARDS up as a twitter post on the [Name] twitter site. "It is a happy circumstance that when nature gives us true burning desires, she also gives us the means to satisfy them." Ed Seykota (1990) Yours |
Thank you for asking for permission. You are welcome to use the quote - as long as it does not imply that I know what you do or that I endorse your services. |
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Monday, April 18, 2011 Principles Mr. Seykota, I believe I understand and try to the best of my ability to live by the TTP philosophy. I believe in many of the principles and have chosen to live by many of these the best I can for myself and not to impress anyone. At times I do get lost and it is nice you bring that to my attention. I would be interest in back testing, system development, and coding in return for some mentoring. I would be grateful if we could move forward down that path in the future. Best regards, |
Thank you for your offer. I am open to working with someone who has experience and proficiency with C#, Java and Web design and management. |
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Sunday, April 17, 2011 Simple Inflation Video Hello Master Ed, I want to share this link with the tribe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL7V9BnJXO8&feature=player_embedded We are printing money to "help the economy" while the poor are affected the most with this inflation, then we tax "the rich" to make a fairer society, something is seriously wrong here. |
Thank you for the link. | |||
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Sunday, April 17, 2011 7th Austin Tribe Report Intimacy Model at the Office Dear Ed, We have a great tribe meeting last week. Two tribe members take the hot seat. In the first process, tribe member does not radiate feelings. Tribe member says that he actually feels several feelings. With the help of the tribe, tribe member develops and freezes a form. He recalls when his mothers suffers a miscarriage and loses a baby. Tribe member expresses his sadness about losing his little brother. He really wants to have a brother. He also recalls that his parents do not show feelings after the miscarriage. The family never talks about this event again. Tribe member makes an implicit agreement with his mother to do not feel. We start to role play. Tribe member expresses his feelings about the dead of his brothers to both parents. He also receives his parent’s feelings. He starts the grieving process. I find this process very emotive. I see the positive intention of the grieving process. It gives us the opportunity to feel our sadness for the loss. I also see the importance of expressing our feelings specially when we a role models. During checkout, I notice that tribe member starts to radiate feelings. In the second process, a tribe member deals with a verbally abusive father and step mother. The step mother is mean with tribe member. She hides the food in the house. On one occasion, she even runs over his bicycle with her car. At this point, I start to feel anger. I think how difficult is for a kid to deal with this situation. We role play the father, the step mother and the tribe member having dinner. The father and the step mother are screaming to each other. Tribe member also mentions that sometimes they are under the influence of alcohol. I wonder how the tribe member can even get his father´s attention. However, he connects with the father, and expresses his anger about the situation in the house. I feel I am making some progress with the intimacy model. A few days ago, I implement it with a colleague at work. This person makes some sarcastic comments. I start to feel anger and tell him that I do not like his sarcastic comments. My old response is to laugh and pretend that nothing happens. A few minutes later, this person asks me if we can talk in private. During the private conversation, he expresses his concern about making sarcastic comments. I ask for his feelings and receive him. I maintain eye contact. I also express my feelings. In the middle of the conversation, I notice my body posture and change it to a receptive posture. We shake hands and return to work. Today I meet my mother and sister for lunch. I notice they like to play the control game. They try to control everything. Today, I just decide not to join the game. Best Regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Sunday, April 17, 2011 Anger and Guilt Dear Ed, This week I experienced a lot of anger. In the past, the anger would be followed by guilt. This time I was able to experience anger and say that I am angry instead of saying I am sorry for being angry. For the first time this condition did not impact by trading. In addition, I saw the strong move in Silver and was not in a Silver position this week. In the past, this would have resulted in an upset and potentially some impulsive entries. This time I realized that I was in some very good trades and not in the Silver trade and that was ok. I was able to calmly see Silver make new highs all week and not initiate a trade in Silver. I was able to take other trades that I would have missed in the past because I would have been pre-occupied with Silver. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Saturday, April 16, 2011 Money Management Software - Robot Thwarter Hello Ed, I would value your opinion about my money management software program. p.s. I see you use an image file to avoid internet spiders identifying your email address. What you can use is the following HTML: <p> To send an item to FAQ or to contact Ed Seykota, send email to: <script language=javascript> <!-- var contact = "FAQ Contact" var email = "FAQ <xxx" var emailHost = "yyy.com" document.write("<a href=" + "mail" + "to:" + email + "@" + emailHost+ ">" + contact + "</a>") //--> </script></ It will look and work just like an email address but will not be identified as an email address by internet spiders |
Hmmm...
I wonder exactly how you might like to value my opinion. Note: I
do not endorse commercial products on this site. Thank you for the robotic tip. |
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Saturday, April 16, 2011 Tribe Report - Dealing with Death of a Sibling - Dealing with an Abusive Father Ed, After drumming Ed asks who is ready to work. I notice I am probably hotter with anxiety about the upcoming Breathwork session than anything else. A tribe member says he wants to work and Ed questions his willingness and commitment to really working. He states he wants to work but there seems to be no passion or emotion behind it. The tribe is polled and generally the consensus is no passion, no heat but some state they sense something underneath that perhaps is suppressed. Ed turns up the heat and insists the tribe member really get into the form. I notice the hesitation and then feelings finally give way and the tribe member really gets into the form. During this process he recalls losing his younger brother when he dies as an infant. He feels regret that he loses his brother and is raised with only sisters who, many times, dominate him. He gets blamed many times as his sisters manipulate his father. We do a role play and he shares his feelings with his father and mother and receives their feelings. I relate to the process and gain insights into my own family and feelings regarding my sisters. I am raised in a family also with all girls and always want a brother. I notice I am grateful for Ed as a mentor and father figure and other tribe members I feel are my brothers. I sense the tribe member gains a lot of insight from the process and I notice a shift in his demeanor. A tribe member describes a current family conflict and then gets into a form. He describes a situation growing up when there is conflict with his stepmother and father. The tribe develops a role play and another tribe member is assigned to play his father. The tribe member playing the role of the father has difficulty getting to the level of volume that is recalled in the drama. I volunteer to play the father and the dialogue turns into me yelling and screaming at my son and wife. Various surrogates attempt to play the role of son in this drama and establish intimacy. I notice that I must choose to connect with my feelings as I meet eye contact with my son and he expresses deep feelings…sometimes with tears. In volatile, abusive relationships it seems imperative to make direct eye contact, gain approval to share feelings and then to share feelings with all emotions connected. If there is no approval to share feelings then saying thank you and walking away seems most prudent. Many tribe members experience this role as son with an abusive father and work on sharing and receiving in this context. I feel several make great progress in expressing deep feelings and receiving feelings in this volatile drama. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Saturday, April 16, 2011 Weary Daughter / Sad Dad Dear Ed and Austin Tribe: I feel a measurable increase in my confidence in applying the intimacy model. My younger daughter (three years old) can have tendency to be a bit more free spirited than the rules allow for and she has a pattern of once she gets off track it’s real hard for her recover. Negativity for her builds on negativity. On Monday she has a bad day at pre-school, gets in some trouble and, by the reports of it, is quite difficult all day. She comes home from school. I see her and ask as I always do how she is and how her day at school was. She says, with lots of expression and feeling in her face, she had a bad day. I’m squatted down at her eye level receiving her. The first feeling I notice is that I need to exercise some roll of discipline, to ask what she did, to tell her that’s not good to hear, and it’s important to behave. I only recall noticing this feeling briefly. The next feeling I notice is the feeling that she is sharing a feeling with me and I’m just going to receive it. I just want to give her a space to share this feeling. Bad days are hard, we all have them. It’s not about fault. I receive her, express gratitude for her sharing that with me, relate with her about bad days and give her a hug. This is the end of it. Her next day at school is better. Though I don’t desire a further conversation with her about this, if I did--what a much better starting point I have. I’ve received her and built some rapport. I express to her that her feelings are important to me. This is quite counter to my first thought of, “Oh, I’m supposed to correct her.” I don’t feel scared of her feeling or that me receiving the feeling is condoning or encouraging more bad behavior. I recognize how this is a fear my parents have when raising me. And I see the positive intention of them is to raise me the best they know how. Earlier today with the same child we are at her last soccer game of the season. Her grandparents (my parents) are in town visiting to see the game. When it’s her turn to play she refuses to go out on the field. My wife tries to control model her out onto field. I try to control model her out onto the field. And she’s loving it; having a great time disobeying and resisting our control. I see what I’m doing and what she’s doing. I switch gears and share with her how I’m feeling, “[Child’s Name], I want to tell you I feel really sad. I feel sad. I feel really sad.” As I say this, I’m emoting with my hands in an outward gesture from my chest area, which is where I feel the sadness. This melts her; the joy of resisting control fades and she goes to an excuse mode. “I’m just tired. I’m tired.” I stay with my feeling. “I feel sad.” Then she turns around and runs out onto the field. I reflect on the effectiveness of telling something versus showing and expressing. I recall midway through our tribe meeting each member gives a progress report on his Austin Tribe Goal. I report on my progress just as I have each time yet this time I have a folder of visual evidence of what I accomplish to date. I get a positive response from several members in the tribe. This surprises me because I’m saying the same thing I’ve had said on each past update and received lukewarm responses. Yet, the difference is this folder of evidence very visually shows what I’m doing and seems to give purpose to my goal in a way that me just telling about my goal did not accomplish in the past. My intention seems to radiate stronger. It’s similar to a feeling; there’s a huge difference in the impact from telling versus showing, from saying some words compared to the strong intention to really transmit a feeling. I notice I seem to have some belief in me or resource that “telling is all I have to do, don’t do any of that expression or showing.” I recognize this as a family resource growing up. Keep it clean, controlled, articulate, and antiseptic. No expressive, messy, out of control, feelings stuff…that’s crazy. Cool, I’m grateful for this realization and my wonderful experiences in tribe. Sincerely, |
Thank you for sharing your process. When your daughter tells you she is weary, you might consider taking a moment to receive her weariness. It's one thing to share your sadness with your daughter in a way that shows you are taking full responsibility for your feelings. It's another thing to make her feel responsible, even guilty for your sadness - so that she runs out on the field in order to medicate you. You might consider taking your feelings about <holding your own feelings hostage in order to extort concessions from your daughter> to Tribe. You might also consider getting clear about who is really in charge of running your daughter's life.
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Friday, April 15, 2011 Tribe Report - Dealing with the Death of a Child Ed, This tribe meeting really made a deep impact on me. I related with the death of a baby dying. During the tribe I played the role of the mother which really helped me identify with my wife when this happened to us. Six months into the pregnancy my wife went in for an ultra sound and the heart rate was no more. The Doctors had her deliver the baby, it was the worst image I have ever seen in my life. I covered her eyes, thinking it was the best thing for her. The Doctor nodded with approval of my actions. I stood in silence, and pretended it never happened. We never talked about it. I did not know how to communicate my feelings with her. I gave her a hug for support, but it was pretty cold. I went home and did what I always do to avoid feelings work and workout. Years haves passes since this happened and there is not a day I do not think about it and the image of the baby and what could have been. Getting home the first thing I did was talk to my wife about this. We both broke down in tears, I shared my feelings with her, she in return shared them with me. She told me how much she hurt and how she felt so alone. I feel closer with my wife after our talk. Later in the meeting I get some courage and took take the hot seat. The role playing starts and I felt like a deer in headlights, I totally shutdown. Even while getting coached I had a hard time listening to there instructions. Being in the hot seat was hard, but it was worth it once I went through the complete process. The hot seat effect was for sure one of the best things I have ever done in my life. I woke the next day feeling free, relaxed, and having a better understanding of the intimacy model and how effective it works. I continue each day to incorporate the intimacy model into everyday life. I catch myself at times going back to the control model, but I am catching it. I look forward to next tribe, I have some other hot seat subjects of loss and humiliation. Thanks Ed and rest of Tribe. |
Thank you for sharing your process. Grief generally follows through a series of steps (per Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969): Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. You might consider noticing how these steps are completing for you and your family.
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Friday, April 15, 2011 Breathwork Report - Flying and Connecting Ed, The evening before Breathwork we develop our issue and the associated forms. We first pair off in rows and express our issue which is what we want to accomplish (a goal). I notice at first that I try to express my issue and that it ultimately becomes my major goal very quickly. I notice the feelings associated with the goal…feelings that appear to be blocking me from the goal. We continue the rotation until our goal is very clear and concise. Next, we develop the form that is connected with our issue…what feelings come up when I move towards my issue. I notice a general feeling of anxiety in my mid section and tingling and heat around the base of my neck that moves up into my scalp area that is sometimes accompanied by tapping my feet quickly. The next morning we wake up early and work outside until early afternoon then take a hike of maybe an hour and a half. When we come back together before Breathwork we show and describe our issue and form and commit to feel all feelings that arise during Breathwork and to make them our friend and ally. We also commit to experience any feelings related to any other issue within the group. A fellow tribe member leads us through a progressive relaxation of the body and then says to begin breathing as the music starts. I begin breathing heavily and deeply…I immediately have some trouble with a cough that is asthma related but I continue. Eventually, I work through the feeling of wanting to cough and I am able to breath. The music has a heavy beat and I feel the music pulsing through me as I breathe harder and harder. I feel a little dizzy after a while and a little light headed and I notice the feeling that nothing is happening. At some point it as if I step through a doorway into another dimension, another reality. In the moment of now I see the woman who took care of me as a young boy and died when I was maybe 7-8. I begin to weep and a swell of grief rushes over my body. It seems as if time does not exist. I am in multiple moments of connection with this woman…times of sharing my feelings of loving and missing her. Each scene or interaction in real life would last much longer but in this reality I go from different moments in time and the intimacy of each situation is captured and where I am and the unfolding story. I share my feelings and am able to say goodbye and I smile at the memories of time spent with her and our closeness. After resolution I am immediately moved into another moment and a different context. I see my grandmother and grieve her loss and am taken through various moments of time together. I weep during these moments. I am 8 years old and I notice my baseball uniform I am wearing. I feel the leggings and notice the cleats and the feel of being in a baseball uniform. I am outside the dugout and my coach tells me he is depending on me and the team is depending on me. He explains I am batting cleanup and I understand that he believes in me. I step up to bat…I drive the fastball down the middle out of the park. I round the bases and as I cross home plate my coach is waiting. I jump into his arms for a big hug. As he sets me down and goes to a knee I look into his eyes. I notice all the features of his face and all the fondness I have for him. He smiles and tells me how proud he is of me and what a great player I am. I tell him how much I care for him and adore him…how much he means to me. My coach died of cancer 2 years after he coaches me and I did not completely understand death at the time or how to say goodbye. I am aware of this and I am able to say goodbye to him and convey my affection for him. After going through the feelings of grief I am able to smile and notice how thankful I am for such a great coach. I then jump to my dog that dies when I was 16-17. I am transported to moments spent together and I weep as I say goodbye but I smile and notice my fondness for this dog. I continue breathing heavily. I jump to my relationship with the grandfather who dies about 10 years ago and I notice feelings of regret of wanting to know him better and closer. I am transported to moments of time when I feel some connection with him and fondness for him. I weep and feel this loss. I notice in each experience of feeling sadness, grief and loss that I weep and feel the rush of emotions and complete resolution occurs as I say goodbye in each relationship. I notice I am high on a mountain. It is very high. I normally feel extreme anxiety when I approach any sort of height…like tall buildings, etc… I notice the feeling of being very high up and looking down below. I enjoy the feeling. I notice a parachute on my back. I jump off. I am flying down and at some point I decide to pull my ripcord. I flow freely down to earth and enjoy the ride. Immediately when this moment stops I am at the top of one of the tallest buildings in the world and I jump. I am flying quickly to earth noticing the earth coming up quickly. I pull the ripcord. I notice the target for landing as I adjust my controls to direct me to the landing point. I come down perfectly. I am then in an airplane and look out and I jump. My face is pressed tight and I feel the air rushing over me. I pull my ripcord and feel the chute expand and lift me. I am in the middle of gliding down when I reach up I am grabbing a rock out cropping. I am on the face of a mountain. I am in a harness and I notice I am attached to the mountain and hanging by a metal cleat. I look down and see the town below. It looks miniature. I am thousands of feet up on this face. I enjoy the moment and I relax and adjust my harness and take in the view. I later climb higher and get into a setup to sleep overnight. As I hang there I notice I have full trust in my system and I enjoy this feeling of being up there for the night. I reach the summit and look down and enjoy the view of being at the top. I am transported to other high points to look down below and I enjoy being there and looking over. As I am looking down and I look up I am in a new setting and there is tribal music playing. I am in an African tribe and dancers are in a circle and dancing to the beating of drums. I begin to enjoy the dancing and I notice a woman appears. She is very large…seems bigger than human beings. She is black and her hair is in braids. I notice her large, long thighs, very big gluteus maximus and beautiful large dark breasts. Her lips are extremely large and her mouth is much bigger than mine. I begin to dance with her from behind and it quickly becomes very sexual. I notice my penis going inside her as we dance and then it seems her vagina extends from her body and envelopes my penis completely and begins pulling me inside her. As she begins kissing me I notice her lips swallowing around mine and I feel myself going deeper and her lips enveloping me. I notice she begins having an orgasm and I feel completely one with her as she is pulling me into herself from my penis and through her lips. Her body convulses and I notice the contraction around my penis and after we stop kissing she whispers that I am so good and I notice the feeling of being affirmed in my manhood…that I infinitely please her. After we separate she begins licking my body over completely while gently caressing my skin with her lips. I feel much like a baby that has been bathed and caressed. She has washed every inch of my body with her tongue and lips. As I feel the feeling of being totally cared for I am in a field of grain. I notice the grain goes on forever with no end in sight. I have in my hand a basket. I hear a voice saying to have as much as I like that there is no end. I begin taking fistfuls of grain and putting them into the basket. As I finish grabbing a handful I look up and I am in a native American tribe perhaps somewhere on the prairie. I notice the feeling of being among family and friends. We are hunting together and I apply paint on my face. We ride together and come over a ridge and the hills are dark with buffalo as far as the eye can see. I begin riding with my brothers and I pull out my spear and throw it into a buffalo that falls headlong into the earth. I notice I have arrows in my quiver and a bow and I begin firing arrows and buffalo continue to drop. I feel the voice saying instead of an audible language the message comes through as a feeling that there is an infinite amount of buffalo and that they can provide an endless source of buffalo. I interpret the person who is talking to me as God. As the hunt ends there are buffalo laying everywhere and a blizzard suddenly comes from nowhere. I feel the cold air enveloping me. I cut a buffalo open and take out the insides and crawl inside the carcass. I am warm as the snow piles higher. I eat some raw buffalo for nourishment. I sense the voice saying that they can provide for me under any circumstances and they are with me wherever I am. The tribe skins the buffalo and I notice a tanned hide around me, enveloping me. I look around the room and feel the closeness of being with family and celebrating the bounty. I am a leader among the tribe and I feel the admiration of fellow tribe members. I am honored as they all beat their drums in appreciation of my leadership and the trust they have for me. I feel as if I am a great hunter. We go in a canoe down the river and I notice going with the flow and feeling the current taking me along. I enjoy following the natural flow. Somewhere during the course of floating along in the river I actually become the water and notice flowing and being a part of the current. I notice the feeling of being one with water. As this feeling completes I begin flying and become a part of the wind. I flow freely down a valley moving in and around trees, cactus and bushes. I jump to being a musical note and I am transported along as sound. I notice the wave motion and I enjoy being music. I stand alone in the desert. There is nothing but sand as far as the eye can see. No water. No food. I sense the voice saying I can provide for you where there is no food or water. I am able to bring you bread from heaven. I reach out and take the bread and put it too my mouth. I notice the texture and taste. I am in the middle of doing this and I feel a touch from outside of this reality. I open my eyes and a tribe member has a glass of water in front of me. I sense the voice saying “I can even use your tribe member to bring you water here” and I lean my head forward and take a swallow. I close my eyes and am still in the desert. I sense the voice telling me there is no need to worry because they can provide for me and they are always with me. I am at once transported to being inside my mother and I notice the confining space but enjoying the feeling of floating. At some point I begin to feel pressure that becomes greater and greater. I notice my head being compressed and wondering if I will be crushed. I sense the voice telling me “I am with you every moment” and I notice my head coming out and the pressure being relieved as my body flows freely out of my mother. I notice at some point a large nipple in my mouth. I am not a child in this moment but an adult. The nipple is larger than human…my mouth is completely open and sucking. I take in large gulps of milk. I sense the voice telling me they can become any form and provide what I need…that I need to relax and enjoy the relationship. I notice relaxing and enjoying this sensation and feeling this provision in every area of my life…in family relationships, in business relationships, in every area of my existence. I notice my legs and arms are inoperable and I also cannot feel anything below my diaphragm. My neck is extended up and I am still enjoying nourishment from this large nipple. As I swallow I notice my neck feels numb and I have difficulty swallowing. I continue breathing. I notice my family and friends around me and I sense I am dying. I notice the feeling of love for their father and how much they will miss me as a part of their lives. I feel the sadness of this moment. I feel ok with this feeling of death. I sense the voice telling me it is ok because I am here with you and also if I leave that they will be with my family and friends. I notice the only thing I can feel is my lungs expanding and my heart beating. I relax and let go…my breathing becomes more and more shallow and then I stop breathing. I sense the voice telling me if I choose to crossover and leave my body that I am ok…they are with me wherever I am. I hear rapid drum beats over my head…beating loudly. I notice I feel a sense of wanting to live…to be fully connected to my family and friends. As I come back from this moment I am transported to moments of deep intimacy with family and business associates. I feel the growing success in relationships and financially. I notice as I develop real intimacy that business and financial success springs forth from this fertile soil I sense the voice telling me that their desire for me is success and deep intimacy in my relationships and that I will be a source of healing, compassion and empathy for others. I notice after that it appears to me that many others issues are addressed during the Breathwork and not only just my stated issue. It seems also that any issue represented by another tribe member is addressed…if I have a similar issue. The week after I notice I seem confused and my conscious mind is still sorting out what has changed. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Friday, April 15, 2011 Medicinal or Pro-Active Hi Ed! Last week I wrote about my new resource to breathe while I am experiencing my mental pain. You answered with "In TTP we view ways to "overcome" pain as medicinal in nature." I admit I used the word "overcome" in my description. You once wrote that things that takes a person in the direction of right livelihood is not medicinal but nevertheless your answer implies that my breathing might be medicinal. I feel a little anger and I think you sound like a person who always sees the glass as half empty... I have a repeatedly problematic situation during every summer when I want to discuss vacation. I have to negotiate with my colleague and even though he historically has received "better" vacation weeks than me, he fights so hard for them so I am afraid to discuss the issue. I feel uneasy and a little helpless. I feel weak. Funny because earlier today I felt very strong walking around and felt nothing could put me down. Now when I am thinking about the vacation discussion I have to take, it feels awkward again. I feel the right thing is to deal with it immediately. I will bring up the discussion before next week report. Have a nice week! Regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process. Overcoming pain is one approach; allowing it to come over you is another. You might consider taking your feelings about <others getting a better deal> to Tribe. |
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 Wants a Workshop in Europe Dear Mr. Seykota, I never wrote but I always follow your FAQ. I just read this message below. ... If I sense demand in Europe, I am likely to make the trip. I am interested as well, if this can help to lift the value of your "sense" indicator about a Workshop in Europe. I want to express my gratefulness for the fact that you still interested in people and you spend time to answer them. Not many would do that, that's a sign of greatness. |
Thank you for letting me know. | |||
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 Wants Help Ed, My items to discuss with you: 1. Help in finding clarity in choosing anther partner with the wind project. Whether we bring in a large utility type partner or another investor to provide additional capital, I feel a strong desire to make sure we find the right fit. If the wrong corporate partner is found, it can become less of a priority to them to get it built if they have other project to build. I have seen some project never get built because they have other projects that may be more profitable for them. This project is my baby and only care that we are successful. I'm not sure how you can help but you have helped me significantly and have great insights. 2. My nephew in Ft. Worth has been asking me to help him figure out what he should do. Of course I can't do that but he is searching very hard and I would like to support him. Is there anyway you can help me learn to support him in other ways than I am at present (spending time with him and communicating with him through feelings? Maybe this can be addressed in tribe. I don't want to guide or control him I just want to support him in finding his right-livelihood. Thanks, |
1. You might consider defining the outcome you want. 2. You might consider defining the outcome you want. |
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 Wants Closer Involvement Hello Sir, I am very interested in your forum. I am pretty young fellow learning the ins and outs of trading having worked at a commodity brokerage shop for 10 years now. I am starting to do a lot more of my own commodity trading and I really believe in the trend following methodology and would like to become more involved with you. So just wanted to reach out and see how this works. Thanks ahead of time. |
OK. | |||
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 Another Approach Dear Ed, Throughout the TTP section of the website trying to tackle feelings and emotions, doing ones own inner work is referred to as "essentially impossible", "difficult" etc. I am testing the [Name] method - [it] utilizes a series of questions: Could you welcome this feeling? Could you let it be just as it is? Could you let it go? Would you let it go? When? These are repeated until a feeling of 'letting go' is felt. This is often referred to as 'releasing'. The goal of these questions is to facilitate a release or acceptance of feelings arising 'as they are'. Accepting them 'as they are' and not judging them. It also has the aim of achieving something that seems, by my understanding similar to the Zero Point: through the acceptance that feelings are not 'who you are', a willingness to embrace feelings and to 'let go' of them and an end result of nothingness, stillness, clarity, creativity etc. Similar to TTP this method promotes living in the now. I find this a helpful approach. It helps me be more aware of my emotions and feelings as they arise. Being more aware of my feelings leads me to acknowledge more times when I simply spontaneously react as a result of them. Increasing awareness of my feelings and more acceptance allows me to choose how I react as I notice them arising. I feel this increased sensitivity to feelings allows me to acknowledge when these may be protective warnings more than before. I also feel a better awareness of feelings which in turn assists me in being able to communicate with more feeling intensive language as well as share feelings with others more. I also work on not asking direct questions, not judging, giving advice, name calling and validating the feelings of others. I find a positive change in the way I interact with people. It is likely not as effective as TTP for the many reasons you cover and as evidenced by the experiences in the FAQ. I thought however that my testing and experience of this may be interesting. In my experience I feel it is a good assistance approach and not a bad choice of system to run alongside TTP. My gratitude for all your work, |
Thank you for sharing your process. In TTP we use a similar point of view. In addition, we commit to achieving a goal, engaging our emotional work in a healing field of acknowledgment, developing physical forms, finding positive intentions for feelings and implement learning through role playing. |
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 9:41 PM The Last Lecture Dear Ed, Today, my brother forwards me a YouTube link - "Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo I feel you may enjoy watching this when you return from your trip. When I watch this lecture I think of you and how great of a mentor and friend you are. Thank you for supporting me and enabling me to live my dreams. Regards, |
Thank you for the link, for your support and for you kind words. | |||
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 Cowboy Poet on Reincarnation Ed, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnGNXoNX0Ag |
Thank you for the clip - of a poet who knows how to communicate
feeling. Out here on the ranch, we got rein-tarnation. |
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Thursday, April 14, 2011 Breathwork FAQ report Dear Ed, Thank you for a terrific Breathwork weekend, for sharing your beautiful ranch with us and for the food, especially Billy’s BBQ! The demolition and yard work remind me of working together with my father and brothers in the country as a kid. I get a lot of satisfaction from our accomplishment of tearing that shed down. It also thoroughly tires me out, which I understand is the point. As always, I am happy to meet the great guys you attract to these events and enjoy working with them. The Breathwork itself is a real eye opening experience for me. As one breather puts it “All the answers are there, now if I can only remember them”. For me it’s about going with the flow and instinctively taking the right turns. I’m confident that I accomplish my goal. I wish to offer you my support toward accomplishing your goal as well. I have a few suggestions which might be helpful to you in setting up your system, although I am no expert and understand that you have a lot of resources already in place. In any case, please know I’m pulling for you. I’m 100% confident that you can achieve your goal. I imagine feeling very happy for you when you achieve it. |
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Thu, Apr 14, 2011 Turning Up the Heat Dear Ed, Our last tribe session is highly charged emotionally. You are clearly turning up the heat on our processes. Some tribe members really take it up a notch in response. One member who is role playing gets into his anger by screaming at the top of his lungs. This seems like a great release, and a resource that is not going to hurt anyone physically. However, it’s certainly not a resource one wants to use in public. I also wonder if this screaming is just more medicating feelings. In any case, I think it has its place. I’m becoming a lot friendlier with my anger through this work. I’m sensing that I’m better able to use anger as an indication that my rights are being violated and take appropriate responses before the situation becomes a problem / drama. The day after Tribe, at your house, I generally feel revived, optimistic and emotionally balanced. However, when I return home, I am typically very emotional and irritable for a few days. This is exacerbated by trading which amplifies my feelings. After our last session, I discuss this with a tribe member who explains to me that I am probably still “in process” for a few days following Tribe. His theory makes sense to me in that perhaps my conscience mind is taking another crack at these feelings which I am now experiencing, trying to suppress them. And trading provides the perfect forum for conscience mind to launch its counter attack. As I am now aware of this pattern, I am simply paying special attention to following my trading system and to not allowing my irritability to negatively effect my communications with others. By doing so, I believe I am reinforcing and solidifying the new, positive resources gained at Tribe. In this way, following my System is a spiritual practice, as suggested by Famous Trader at Tribe a few sessions ago. I hope you are enjoying your trip! |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Getting Down to the Anger Dear Ed, I try calling yesterday to catch up. Since our last call I work on my anger issue alone. I read a lot more about this issue. I now see that I am emotionally unavailable to my wife, friends and associates. I feel that my unwillingness to feel anger and sadness play a key role in my life and negatively affect my interactions with others. I share my feelings of sadness with [my wife] and we discuss how I interact with her. Her eyes well up. She tells me that I am sometimes not here – that she cannot always get through to me. Recently I am caught up in my head thinking about my issues. I medicate these feelings a lot and notice that I go into the DIM process. I am reading a book called Facing the Fire – Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately by John Lee. I have some good insights and recall many of your comments on the issue of anger and sadness. I understand that reading about anger and experiencing the emotions or working on it on a hot seat are totally different. I notice that I develop stronger determination and willingness to work on this issue. I commit to get to the bottom of my anger/sadness issue. I love my family far too much to let this issue affect my life and theirs and in such a negative way. I am willing to take a hot seat, do a rocks process or anything else I need to do to work on this issue. I also wonder if hypnosis might also effective. I am willing to travel to Austin to attend a tribe meeting and work on this issue. I currently feel some sadness as I come to the realization that I am damaging myself, my health and my relationships as a result of this issue. I also feel grateful that you point me in this direction. Ed, thank you for everything you do for me. I wish you safe and pleasant travels. I look forward to catching up with you. Kind regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Developing and Learning Dear Ed, Thank you for the extensive information and processes you share. I begin with rusty programming skills and little knowledge of trading. I program your Exponential Crossover and Support-Resistance TSP systems and match your results. I buy your book The Trading Tribe and join the tribe in my city. I know that I do not feel my feelings fully and I do not express them freely. I am willing to try to increase my willingness. I am very comfortable receiving the feelings of others in my tribe and in my life. Gradually, I notice that I relate to others in my life in more intimacy-centric ways. I further develop my TSP program into a mechanical trading system tester, optimizer, and signal generator. I read books you recommend on trading system optimization and testing. I perform back-testing, walk-forward analysis, and optimization of candidate trading systems. Five months ago, I choose the trading system and currency pairs I feel most comfortable with and begin trading my live Forex account. Each night I run my mechanical trading system program to learn its signals. I then place the entry and exit stops into my live account. I learn from the first few months and adjust my program and execution to incorporate the new knowledge. Six weeks ago, I begin a fresh round of trading. I place the entry and exit stops with 100% compliance and confirm that my live account's results correspond to the results of my trading system program. Right now I trade my own small account. My trading system has very conservative parameters. I feel relaxed trading my mechanical system because it is tailor-made for me, I have no external expectations to meet, and my primary goal right now is to learn. I enjoy the trend-following approach. I comply with my system easily because it only requires me to place entry and exit stops for the next day. I learn about my mechanical system. I learn about trading. I learn what it takes for me to comply with my system. I feel ready to re-optimize my trading system parameters to increase bliss even though it will increase the likelihood of larger drawdowns. I begin to learn about trading other markets. I feel grateful to you for your inspiration, your generosity, and your helping hand toward liberation. Kind regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Breathwork Report - Part 1 Application to Family Dynamics Dear Ed, My greatest joy of the Breathwork weekend is knowing I am able to be of some service in helping others work with their issues. Thank you for being an example of service to others, and hosting the session. As I am still very much integrating many insights, I plan on sending another report within 2 weeks. I now know absolutely, without any doubt, feelings are the answer, at least for me. We role play an exchange between me & my mom. I acknowledge I radiate an intention of a control relationship. I feel anger at myself for this intention. I feel confusion and wonder "how can I use TTP in the heat of an encounter with someone whom I am in an deep control relationship with?" I commit to 3 simple points to help keep me on track: 1) Maintain eye contact 2) Ask for willingness every step of the way 3) Share & acknowledge my & her feelings That, along with staying in the now, avoiding reasons or blame, using clear language, being aware of my intention, and practice, I feel I can move closer to intimacy. Thank you for supporting my journey along the intimacy path. Sincerely, |
Thank you for sharing your process - and your strategy for
moving from control-centric to intimacy-centric relating.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Appreciative Ed, Thank you so much for every feeling and insight and piece of wisdom that you share!!! I appreciate you. |
You are welcome. Thank you for your support. | |||
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Austin Tribe Report - Bringing Intimacy into Dating Dear Tribe Series Members, I see the benefits of familiarity in our meeting process. Using this familiarity, I learn from being a participant in our role playing. The dynamics of playing a role, watching the hot seat member reactions, hearing the coaching instructions, these are all very instructive and helpful. I find participating in this manner requires, and assists, me to be present, completely honest, and in the now. Last night, I experience a dinner date with an accomplished professional woman. She serves as the chief financial officer of two different companies. During dinner, she discloses she “escaped” from home several times. I ask her to tell me more… she says she would always walk to her grandmother’s house. I suggest she talk about her feelings of going to her grandmother’s house… She shares she really liked her grandmother, her grandmother showered her with love, care and attention. I suggest her large family (6 children) may have stretched her parents ability to provide attention to her, and rather than thinking she was running away from home, she might think of it as running towards a feeling, and rather than her parents getting angry at her, perhaps they all could agree she wishes for attention… Tears follow. We have a wonderful moment together. Later she shares with me that I challenge her and make her think. In a very good way. I know I am not trying to challenge her, I am only sharing a little of my knowledge and experience gained from our tribe work. I thank you for making me better and more in touch and present with myself and others. |
Thank you for sharing your process.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Trend Trading Hi I came across your site (http://www.seykota.com/) while reading Michael Covel's "Trend Following" book. There's lots of information about TTP workshops, etc. However, I've been unable to find information with respect to trend following and trading. Thanks |
You might consider visiting an optician for a "site test." Alternatively, you might take your feelings about <doing research> to Tribe. |
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011 Doesn't Like Drawdowns Dear Ed, You famously have been quoted as saying "Systems don’t need to be changed. The trick is for a trader to develop a system with which he is compatible." My interpretation of this is, if a system goes into a larger drawdown than it has previously. Or exceeds any other risk factor in its backtest we should stick with the system? Psychologically I may be fine still trading this system, but are you making the point systems never stop working? Many thanks, |
Thank you for sharing your concerns. You might consider taking you feelings about <draw-downs> to Tribe. |
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Tuesday, April 12, 2011 Wants a Mentor Hi Ed, Hope you and your family are doing great. I got this ID from the Trading Tribe website. Hope you would see this and reply. A little about myself and why I'm writing this mail. I'm ... the youngest and only son in a family of 5 children. I was born and brought up in [City] where I have done my education. I am an Industrial Engineer by education and later shifted to the IT industry. My parents have worked very hard to raise us kids. We were brought up in [City_2] - I don't know if you have heard about [City-2] - its the largest slum in [Continent]. My dad is a retired docks worker and my mom a home maker. My parents are uneducated and come from poor background. Hence they valued education and educated us as was possible within their means. All my sisters are graduates and are currently working as teachers in schools. I work for a software company in[Country] and by God's grace I'm currently in [City, State]. I would be here for a while. I'm interested in trading and currently a small trader in the [Country] markets. I trade few shares and at times Index futures. (My trading capital is around 700 USD) I'm interested in learning from you about trend trading. Can you please teach me and mentor me on your methods? I came across your name while reading books on trading. I don't know why but I have already started considering you as my mentor. By hard work I have been able to save around 3000 USD. I can pay your fees out of this. I'm also planning to use part of it for my trading capital. In case, this is less than your trading fees, I will try my best to use your trading methodology to earn money and pay your fees. Kindly give me a chance and I will really be grateful if you can accept me as your student. Thanks and Regards |
Thank you for sharing your process. You might consider reading through this site (free) and doing some back-testing (free). Then, if you still want a mentor, perhaps we can trade some mentoring for your IT services. |
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Tuesday, April 12, 2011 Principles Mr. Seykota, I read your FAQ response to my email about the apprenticeship and what may have went south. I read through your webpage on principles to see if anything rang a bell. It was a little hard for me to pick out a reason from your page. The only thing I could narrow it down to was the rapport principle. I may have been more business goal oriented rather than building an emotional connection and I also was most likely unwilling to experience and send feelings. Could you please clarify if this principle was the reason? Thanks. Best regards, |
Thank you for your note. I would like to extend the work and I am open to receiving help with back-testing, system development and coding. I have to be careful to select people that fit in with the TTP philosophy. For example, you might consider reading through FAQ to get my position on "reasons." |
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Tuesday, April 12, 2011 Guilt, Anger, Compassion Dear Ed: The positive intention of anger is to clarify my boundaries The positive intention of guilt is to clarify my sense of others boundaries The positive intention of compassion is to enable expansion of boundaries between the sender and receiver to reveal a deeper connection Thank you for bringing this to my attention. At first I could not find any traces of feeling guilt. However, No guilt = All guilt : all or none tend to be very similar Looking at it this way, I saw an underlying persistence of covert guilt. I also saw that in the past I have gone unconscious instead of feeling anger. Finally, I saw the cycle between guilt, anger and compassion - this seems to be like the washing machine cycle. I realize I have much to learn in this area and resolve to do so. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Monday, April 11, 2011 Dealing With Anger Dear Ed, I want to write this email for the past week. I notice myself putting it off and procrastinating on more than one occasion. I medicate and avoid to get into my feelings. Following our telephone conversation last week I feel a lot of confusion and disappointment. I think about your comments all last week particularly the comment you make that “I am seething with anger”. That comment hits me hard and gives me a rude awakening. That’s my signature issue. I suppress a huge amount of anger inside me which eats me up and acts as a ball and chain. I drag it around and never let go of my anger or express much emotion. I notice that this is my mother’s pattern. She doesn’t show much emotion or express anger. I feel sadness about this. Every time I pick my son up last week I think about my anger issue and keep telling myself that I can’t do this to him. I don’t want to pass this issue on to my child. It really hurts me to feel that I can affect his life in such a negative way. I take my anger issue to the hot seat twice and also work on it at a Breathwork. I notice good results but then I after a while I slip back to my normal pattern of suppression. I am the nice guy who seeks approval, constantly tries to please others and put other people’s needs, wants ahead of mine. I spend a lot of time thinking about this. I wonder what my intention really is and if I have the true willingness to deal with this. I wonder if I have some kind of an addiction to being a nice guy and sabotaging myself. I really feel sadness. I also notice feeling like a little boy in a man’s body. I feel confusion about this. I wonder in my inability to connect with people has to do with this specific issue. I do some research online about suppressing anger and the symptoms/consequences of this issue are. I relate to some of the symptoms. I feel sad as I read about a lot of my behavioral patterns. The more I read about my issue of suppressing anger and the consequences the stronger I feel about wanting to work on this issue and resolving this behavioral pattern. I constantly think about my son and how I don’t want to pass this issue to him. I also know that this issue can in itself destroy my path to right livelihood if I don’t deal with it. Right now I feel confusion about how to move forward with this. I feel like over the past week I develop more willingness to work as I understand the consequences of failure to establish boundaries and express anger in a healthy way. Thank you Ed for your guidance and for helping me move forward on this issue. Regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
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Monday, April 11, 2011 Dealing with Family Dynamics Ed, Thanks for another great meeting. I stated during the final check out I was feeling numb. I am not sure why I felt that way. The two hot seats worked on two issues that were deep and very sad. Maybe the depth of the sorrow and hatred helped to bring on my numb feeling. I remember you stating that we would be delving into big feelings. It is interesting how we have to develop a community with this tribe, work on issues that might be considered lighter issues before delving into the rough ones. I think back to some of our early hot seats and think of the more simple ones like having the urge to pee when in a stressful situation, overtrading. I believe these were valid issues and likely was the level the group dynamics could handle at the time. The tribe is now dealing with hatred, the loss of a brother, physical and mental abuse by a parent. I love this tribe and the work that we do. Before this last meeting I meet with my sister. She and her 25 year old daughter have had an argument ( they have many). My sister has learned some of this work and has improved her relationship with our other sister. She is complaining about her daughter to me and expecting me to join in. I express wonder that I never heard anyone express feeling to each other while mom and daughter are fighting. She has a blank look on her face and states it wouldn't matter if she did express feelings. My sister and I continue to discuss the situation, my sister admits she cannot accept her daughter unless she changes. My sister has to control everything. I express my support to my sister for her controlling her daughter and helping to carry on the drama. My sister has a block and cannot see she has any responsibility. I then state, that if she wishes to someday give up control, I can support and help her. She is not ready. I visit with Ed about this incident and he wonders why I want to change my sister and offer to help. I should model acceptance to my family and only then may they grasp the concept. This is a revelation to me and Ed points out during our conversation that I am a people pleaser. Ed is right. Ed models for me a way to show acceptance and I laugh and state I can model for my family. I feel a load of weight come off me as I have felt a need to do this correctly. All I need to do is live in an intimate way. Sounds simple. I also learn a lesson from this. Later in the week my mom visits my sister and my sister complains that all I wanted to do was act like a counselor to her. I thought I just pointed out I never heard any feelings being expressed and then my sister admitted she couldn't accept her daughter unless she lives the way my sister wants. I happily give up my counselor hat and live life accepting others. Maybe others will decide I'm not a bad model to follow. If they don't I'm cool with that. Thanks for the clarity and being a great model. |
Thank you for sharing your process.
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Monday, April 11, 2011 Berlin Tribe Implements Role Playing Hi Ed, the following is a tribe meeting report of the Berlin Trading Tribe about three month ago which I like to share because of the strong reduction of drama in my live. I sit down on the hot chair and start telling my issue of procrastinating things in business and private live. It’s an ever repeating cycle of building internal pressure before I can finally do the work with a lot of stress and drama. Even things that I like to do need some kind of “adrenaline” caused by delaying things and insufficient time before I accomplish them. Tribe leader asks me what the point is. I answer, that I don’t want to procrastinate any more. I’m tired of all the internal pressure and energy that I waste during this process. I come deeper in my feelings. I show a form of my upper body moving rhythmically to the front, squeezing my stomach. I have the feeling like someone is holding me back. I hear me saying “Let me in peace”. After some time, Tribe leader ask me where I could feel this feeling the first time. After a few moments I see myself as a child standing with my father in our garage. My father is a mechanic and also repairing things at the weekend for himself. My father is my hero during childhood, he can do everything. I want to help him with his work and do things together. I ask my father if I can help, but he says no and also that I’m to small to help and I’m only hurting myself. At this moment I see clearly that this situation happened many times in my childhood. I want to help my father and he’s saying no with additional comments of me being too small. Tribe is suggesting a role play now to repeat the situation and find more insight. Interestingly I instantly choose a tribe member as my father whom I see for the first time and from the beginning I feel uncomfortable with because he’s speaking all the time without showing feelings. I even feel some kind of aggression against him because I have the feeling he is stealing my time with his long and empty monologues. In the role play tribe leader suggests that I can ask my father what he is feeling. My father answers that he has fear that I’m hurting myself. I tell my father that I feel small and inadequate and that I really would like to help. The whole situation gets highly emotional. Most of the tribe members are showing feelings of sadness and some forms now. Tribe member that is role playing my father shows a form like being under strong pressure. He doesn’t know how to handle the wave of feelings that are coming to him and he starts to cry which surprises me. In the role play I still cannot convince my father to let me help him. Tribe leader suggest, that I can continue asking my father for allowance or that I can tell him that I can do the things for myself. I’m telling my father that I feel strong enough to do the things for myself. My father is still showing fear and being under pressure. He doesn’t know what to do. I thank my father now that he is taking care of me but from now on I want to decide myself. Instantly I feel a strong feeling of liberation and freedom. Tribe leader suggest that I can also liberate my father by telling him that it is ok how he is, even if I don’t like his behavior. This feels difficult for me and I feel some kind of resistance at the beginning. But then I can also tell my father that it’s ok the way he is. Tribe member (playing my father) is bursting out in tears now. He’s shaking and looks like completely overwhelmed by his own feelings. After some time we release each other from our roles. I feel very light and like liberated. In the days after this process I feel very confused and also sad. I even feel a bit sick. These feelings are lasting for about ten days. In hindsight it looks like a continuing process in my brain, because I could end a livelong pattern. Afterwards I experience a strong improvement of my happiness level and my personal stability. I feel more free and liberated. In business I show better results. I don’t have to fight against an inner resistance any more. I can communicate my wishes much clearer and people around me are listening. It’s like my opinion has more value now because I value myself more. My boss gave me an excellent performance rating last week and said that I recently show a very good development. I like to spend more time with my family and I can enjoy this free time much more than before. This was so far my most live changing experience with the Trading Tribe process. The role play was very intense. I thank my group for their support and I thank you Ed for sharing your wisdom about self development and personal growing with us. |
Thank you for sharing your process - and how you are implementing role-playing. | |||
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Monday, April 11, 2011 Breathwork Epiphany Dear Ed - Thank you again for the wonderful Breathwork workshop. I will send in a report for FAQ separately when I can be coherent about it. I am also interested in knowing the identity of one of the pieces from the Breathwork session. It is on the second CD, a beautiful rendering of the "Kyrie Eleison" from the Catholic Mass. It is sublime. I am guessing it is either Beethoven's Missa Solemnis, or perhaps Mozart. In any case, it was profoundly moving for me, especially given the context of my experience. The meaning of the words of the prayer being sung in Greek are "Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy." When it came up during my breathing, I didn't have a conscious understanding that it was the Kyrie - the words were simply not processing, though I am very familiar with the prayer - we hear it at every Mass. It was simply so sublime and beautiful with the polyphonic harmonies being chanted - I was so filled with joy. During the second session, when it came on a gain, I went back in and sat down and just let it wash over me again, this time fully aware of the significance of the prayer, and its relationship to my experience while breathing, and it brought me back to tears of joy once again. I hope you ... have safe and profitable travels to Europe and Abu Dhabi. I have three good buddies who did a tour of duty working there as traders for ADIA - the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority. From the tales I've heard from them, it is an interesting place! Sincerely obliged, |
Thank you for sharing your process. I do not recall the particular rendition of the Kyrie. |
