|
|
| Readers Say | Ed Says | ||||||
|
Friday, May 20, 2011 Sudden Interest Ed, In the weeks since the announcement of your world tour, with our city on the list, we have had three people wanting to join our tribe. This is three times more than in the past six months. I wonder if other tribes are experiencing a similar upsurge in interest? |
Intentions = Results. | ||||||
|
Friday, May 20, 2011 Orange County Tribe Hi Ed, I sent a email with TTID to register a tribe in Brea, California ... Please let me know whether you have received. Thanks, |
Welcome ! Brea California |
||||||
|
Friday, May 20, 2011 Likes to Fight Hi Ed! Today is a fine day, but it started a little volatile. In my car I didn't let a biker pass since I had the right to drive and he was supposed to stop according to traffic rules. I could have been nice to let him pass but didn't. I said he had to wait and continued to drive. He hit the car and I got furious, stopped ran out and he said: "calm down, calm down." We argued a little and it all settled fine but the thing was how fast I got mad at something that really was nothing. If I had been nice in the first place, we would have avoided the situation. I guess I was seeking a conflict. It actually felt pretty good afterwards and it scares me a little since it was a demonstration of winning by anger. It was not intimacy but rather control. I have been thinking about intimacy vs. control lately. I try to implement it in my family. Especially when my son, according to me, is very slow or doesn't cooperate. I tend to use control but thanks to you I am at least aware of it and can work on it. It is very different if I am willing to "play his game". I think that it takes a whole lot of personal distance to be acknowledging in most of lives different difficult situations. I am glad I have started to work against it. I have noticed that I agree with your saying that what you measure tends to improve. I will continue to work towards serve others vs. anger. I am planning a surprise party for my wife. She will turn 35 in a week and this morning she says she prefers a calm birthday with only the family and our parents. I guess (and hope) she will be surprised in a positive way. She will only get the benefits of the party without the need to plan and fix for it. I have for example one of her best friends flying here from France to join us - that will be awesome! Have a nice weekend! Regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process. One good way to provoke a family fight is to do what your wife says she does not want you to do for her birthday. You might consider taking your feelings about <fighting> to tribe.
|
||||||
|
Friday, May 20, 2011 Limits of Abreactive Therapy Chief Ed, In your reply to a post with the above title dated May 2, 2011, you write: " In the TTP rocks process, we use abreaction very sparingly, mainly to identify a critical incident. Thereafter we use lots of role playing. Tribe members take turns learning and practicing the new resources. The work also depends on a group of people who learn to work together over several sessions." At last December's Austin Workshop, I am surprised & impressed how fast many Hot Seats reach a point from which role play can begin, sometimes only a few minutes and - if I remember correctly - never more than around 30 minutes (does your memory match mine in this regard, I wonder ?). At our local tribe, some Hot Seats find it very difficult or are simply unable to recall earlier incidents & if this is the case our tendency is to continue "early TTP" until an incident is felt or Zero Point or a "go no further point" is reached. Some members report great enthusiasm for "early TTP", by which I mean taking forms to the Zero Point, having felt its benefits, whereas I am now wondering if Hot Seat cannot find a role playing incident within a certain relatively short time, the HS might - with suitable sensitivity - be closed with the option to continue at a later meeting ? I am looking forward to your World Tour visit. |
TTP works in the context of a Tribe that provides a "healing
field of acknowledgment." You might consider running the exercises in my book, such as "tell me what you are thinking," in order to build Tribe rapport. You might also take your feelings about <not doing it right> to Tribe. |
||||||
|
Thursday, May 19, 2011 Trading Tribe World Tour Good Morning! I am interested to attend another workshop, my favorite locations are Amsterdam and Berlin. The Austin workshop I attended last year was a great experience and I took a lot of insight and power back to [Continent]! Would be great if another workshop would be held in Europe!! otherwise I will be back to the USA! Have a great day! Yours truly, |
Thank you for stating your preferences. | ||||||
|
Thursday, May 19, 2011 European Breathwork Session Dear Ed, I am wondering if it might be possible to add or incorporate into the next European Workshop a Breathwork session / day / weekend !? Best, |
I generally host Breathwork sessions as a three-day event, for Workshop graduates, in a location that affords an opportunity for privacy, loud music and a communal exercise project. | ||||||
|
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 Receives his Wife's Anger Dear Ed and Austin Tribe, My wife and I talk and we both notice that my wife has a judgment about feeling fear. She doesn’t want to feel fear. She has things that she wants to tell me, but is scared to tell me, and she’ll let weeks go by before telling me. She says that she doesn’t want to feel stupid. She doesn’t want to feel stupid. She decides to take a hotseat. I do a lot of willingness testing with her and it becomes clear that anger is what she doesn’t want to feel. She has this feeling and associates it with an event where she is three-years-old and is being laughed at by her older sister, mother, and father. She is feeling stupid, and she doesn’t want to feel stupid. She is also feeling angry and doesn’t know how to express her anger. She has fear about feeling anger. In the house where she grows up, no one expresses anger. We set up a role play and are in the middle of role playing, and I notice that she can’t express anger, that she is not allowing herself to really feel anger. I recall our last tribe meeting where a tribe member, with the help of the tribe, feels anger. My wife and I pause the process of role playing with her sister, mother, and father, and agree to do a mini-process within a process where she feels anger. She really gets in-touch with the feeling of anger and yells and moves around a lot, and then focuses her anger and then in a non-yelling, firm voice says, “Get off my turf!” We complete that process where she really feels anger. We then go back into the process of role playing and she uses the resources of feeling anger and then sharing that feeling of anger with her sister, mother, and father. She gets completely different results. We run the role play a couple of times using the two resources of telling others how she feels and asking them how they feel. She tells me during checkout that “it’s really anchored in now.” Today she takes our son to the zoo. There spend several hours at the zoo. She reports that they have zero drama. Later in the evening she tells me that she is happy that I’m going to the doctor and am starting a program to eat healthier and exercise. She tells me that she feels happy that I’m taking steps to be healthier, and shares with me that she feels fear that my weight is not healthy. I thank her for telling me how she feels. It’s the first time she tells me her feelings about my weight and growing mid-section. I tell her I feel happy that she shares her feelings with me. I also tell her that I feel a little angry that she’s had these feelings for a while and hasn’t shared them with me. The little anger that I’m feeling dissipates as soon as I feel it. She thanks me for feeling my feelings and sharing them with her. It’s all pretty cool. I am thankful for the tribe and their support. It seems that I emerge from each meeting with additional resources and insights that all just seem to be exactly what I need. My wife and I both express anger and continue to get better at expressing anger. This is something new for both of us. We now express anger more productively by actually feeling the anger in the moment of now rather than trying to not feel angry. I notice that we seem to attract less drama to be angry about. Ed, thank you for being you and for doing what you do. Best, |
Thank you for sharing your process.
|
||||||
|
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 Intimacy-Centric Law Dear Fellow Tribe Members, I look forward to our next meeting. Unfortunately, I missed last meeting due to an out of town work commitment. I speculate that more valuable work occurred at the Tribe meeting then occurred in my work meetings. In my work meetings, I did learn how to defend myself from the premises of lawyers engaged in cross-examination. One of their tricks of the trade is to approach the witness (me), with an aggressive attitude and ask a question with a premise or leading attitude – “Isn’t it true that …?” Relying on SVOP, I look at their words as an implied question, but actually just a simple statement. Breaking it down, “Is not it true that… blank blank blank.” Which all of a sudden doesn’t make much sense if I answer “No, IT NOT IS true that blank blank blank.” The pure question should be “Is blank blank blank” or “Was blank blank blank”, etc. without the implication of an answer one way or the other. I see clearly now that our legal advocacy system provides the opportunity for opposing lawyers to “cross the line”. When they do cross the line, they can often get witnesses to move to a defended process where the witness loses portions of their rationality. At this point the lawyer is in control and definitely is well versed in this “superior” position. I resolve to never be intimidated by their tactics, and to stand up to them with my own personal authority to walk up to the line. I thank the Trading Tribe and Mr. Ed Seykota for helping me acquire the awareness and clarity to approach my endeavors with the pure strength of Right Livelihood. Regards, |
Thank you for sharing your process.
|
||||||
|
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 TT World tour - India Hi Ed Just wanted to say that I really hope you make a stop in India on your world tour. It would be great to see you. I spoke with a couple of the Mumbai tribe members and they too shared that feeling. (Although, if you prefer, we could meet in Goa). If you wish, I promise to take you for some outstanding Indian food while your here. Coincidentally, the Indian food in India is superb. :) |
Thank you for your invitation. | ||||||
|
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 Connecting with Father Hi Ed How are you? How is the weight loss regimen going? My endeavor of experiencing and expressing my feelings is progressing. With friends, its great! I'm open, honest and expressive. I've found them to be very receptive and my relationships, in general, to be a lot "smoother". Smoother may not be the right term because I've tended to adopt a non-confrontational stance in the past and so, they would tend to be "smooth" but now they feel a lot more real. I feel a lot more real. In the past, if something weren't working at my end, I would tend to adopt silence. I always had a hard time communicating "No" in general. I would hope that silence would be a good enough indication of "No". That would help me avoid discomfort and the guilt in case someone felt bad. Given my ongoing work, I decided to just say things the way I see and experience them. So far, its worked brilliantly. No more long, drawn out, uncomfortable sessions with myself. No more arguments or meaningless discussions (meaningless cause it wouldn't be related to anything real ... but about something I created) from my friends. It just works. With parents, its taken and is taking more effort. Its easier with my mother than it is with my father. I've made a conscious attempt of expressing my feelings. Sometimes they're still mixed with my own drama. But it feels lighter. With my father, its harder cause he shuts down and then, I react, and shut down as well. Yesterday though, he asked me about how I felt about something and I told him honestly, openly and as completely as I could in that time. In the past, I would have avoided the conversation because I would have been afraid of the feelings of guilt that I would experience were I to make him feel bad. Like I'd mentioned earlier, he has blamed me for some of his heart trouble in the past and so that too felt like a sword hanging over me. This time, I stuck to the "Be completely honest" and "Express your feelings" rules. It went on for a while cause there was a lot waiting in the stack. I decided that I would "deal with" whatever feelings came up after as a result - whether they be guilt or whatever. I even told him that I was afraid of feeling guilty later and that guilt had been a large part of my experience in the relationship. I also broke the agreement of guilt. I told him I was done with that game. (albeit in different words) I must admit that I didn't quite follow the method of just expressing feelings. I would tend to say "I felt guilty when I heard ... " or "I felt guilty when you said ..." instead of just "I feel guilty". There was a lot of other non feeling related matters, like his behavior patterns, that I expressed that I felt strongly about. I must also admit that I haven't gotten to the stage of explicitly requesting whether the person is willing to receive my feelings. This is all new to me and I'm afraid that if I ask, they might say no :). So I just take whatever opportunity I sense. I also haven't gotten to the stage of receiving feelings with parents. Baby steps I guess. The feelings after that were a very interesting experience. I felt a certain feeling of anger that lingered ... but of significantly less intensity than would have occurred in the past. In the past, it would be like steam under high pressure trapped in the body, looking for an escape. This time around, a lot of the steam had escaped and there was some left in there. And I would think, "Oh I should have said that as well ... but I didn't think of it at the time". There was also a certain calm that is hard to describe given that it accompanied the little steam. Like I was in an ok place and could move on to whatever I had to do next instead of feeling incapacitated for a while. I know he had felt bad but I didn't feel guilt. I also felt a little joy for having done what I did ... like I was proud for having carried it out. All in all, I was clear that I was in a significantly better place. The strangest bit was that I had a lot of energy after that ... excess energy. I was up late into the night. Normally anything close to such a discussion would leave me feeling drained, exhausted and ready to collapse. This time around, I could've worked for a few hours late into the night, early into this morning. In the last few weeks I've noticed other "side" effects in me. I tend to procrastinate less. It used to be about small things, but now I tend to find myself getting a move on even on those small things. I feel more confident. My tone has changed to be more assertive ... in a good way. This may sounds strange ... but it feels like I'm growing up. Better late than never I guess :) Thanks for everything!!! I've started reading the FAQ from the beginning and I'm grateful to you and to all those anonymous souls that have shared selflessly. It helps in my growth process. I started down this path to become a better trader but from where I'm standing right now, this seems like its worth doing regardless. Thanks! |
Thank you for sharing your process. | ||||||
|
Tuesday, May 17, 2011 Effective Education Ed, This site of educational videos is awesome! http://www.khanacademy.org/ Where was this guy when I was in school? |
The educational system, like a lot of systems, is subject to government control and protection. | ||||||
|
Tuesday, May 17, 2011 Austin Tribe Update Hi Ed, I attach an update from previous tribe meeting. I acknowledge my intention to be late in getting this to you. Austin Trading Tribe Update 05/5/2011 Two tribe members take the hot seat. In the first process a tribe member is blamed when he is in the 6th grade and another boy pushes a 1st grader into his pee. He feels afraid after the police come by his school looking for him. He finds out the little boy’s father is a police officer. He is berated by his mother when he arrives at home and then the police show up. He does not defend himself to his mother or try to explain that it was an accident. He retreats to his room and shuts down emotionally. When the police arrive they ask his mother if he can come with them. They take him ‘downtown”, it seems with the intention of abusing him or simply scaring him. He is rightfully afraid. We recreate the drama and he is able to express his feelings to his mother and develop a connection with her. I notice he has a shift in his demeanor as he communicates with his mother. I relate to the drama. During the process feelings and memories came back regarding times when I am young and blamed for something I did not do or did not do intentionally. I notice some feelings of anger about some of those moments…when I am bullied or abused. I like this feeling of anger now. In the 2nd process the tribe member has feelings about his mother. When he visits her she complains and mostly seems to project a guilt trip. He is uncomfortable when he wants to leave and she wants more of a kiss and hug than he feels comfortable with. The tribe recreates the drama of him trying to leave when he visits his mother. He is able to share his feelings and ask about her feelings. I notice the tribe member makes a lot of progress in defining boundaries with his mother … and also and receiving feelings. He expresses his anger and I feel the tribe member has made a great step into the world of men and away from the role of surrogate husband to his mother. I notice my relationship with my parents is getting better as I stay in the system model. I relate to these circumstances with my own mother though. I notice feelings of regret that I was not able to define boundaries with my mother earlier in life. I feel I am still gaining insights from Breathwork and I notice positive changes in my trading and life in general. I feel very grateful Ed for your leadership and generosity in hosting the Austin tribe and Breathwork weekend. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | ||||||
|
Tuesday, May 17, 2011 Food for Thought Dear Ed, Thank you for committing to the TTP World Tour and fly around the World. That’s Super Cool! As a food for thought you may consider trying the local cuisines and experience how people deal with news:
Note both are usually served hot, wrapped inside an inverse pyramid. |
Thank you for the suggestions. | ||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Pendulums Ed, This clip is a mesmerizing and beautiful multi-pendulum system, with insights about cyclic activity in the markets... http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2011/05/16/ 136342435/cinderellas-ball-this-time-with-pendulums |
See below. | ||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Pendulum Art Ed, I share this pendulum art with you and members of the Trading Tribe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVkdfJ9PkRQ |
Thank you for the clip. The pendulums are independent - without coupling. | ||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Practicing Intimacy-Centric Relating Ed, My girlfriend and I continually work on intimacy-centric relating. I remember in the beginning how tacky and staged it feels. From time to time, my girlfriend feels I focus too much on analyzing which I agree with. I find that when she is having a rough time with work, family, relationship with a friend, etc. that I sometimes skip the step of receiving her feelings and listening to her. I seem to jump right to the "OK, what can we do to fix it" step and that annoys her. I continue to work on this and the results are more passionate kissing, socializing with friends and talking in general. Recently, she worries she is losing one of her best friends to her fiancée who my girlfriend does not like. She worries about telling her friend how she feels. The old me likely spews out the "well, maybe you're afraid because this...or maybe because of that, etc." The new me simply stays with her and receives how she feels. Then I give her my feedback on what she expresses and her forms while expressing them. She thanks me a lot for "having her back" and "being in her corner." On a side note, we both find that by practicing intimacy-centric relating on each other that we are better at picking up on other people's feelings by simply observing their forms. It also helps me pick up on the elevated excitement from my investors / potential investors over the commodities rally during the last couple of weeks in April. This helps me prepare for a change in feelings toward these markets and eventual drawdown. I stick to the system, do not override my signals in an attempt to pick tops. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | ||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Disarmament Hi Ed, It's been a interesting time since my hotseat. It's interesting because in a weird way my life is mimicking my hotseat experience. Like my hotseat things are progressing in my life, but I don't exactly understand where or why they are going like they are going. I feel okay with giving up my attempts to understand and letting things proceed as they will. I can see some positive results, like my relationship with my wife seems better, but I don't completely understand why. One thing I have been able to put my finger on is that I am no longer gathering incriminating evidence day to day against my wife. Normally I would watch for and remember mistakes that my wife made in order to use if we got in a argument. I would have some ammo to hit her with and of course she would always have plenty of ammo against me. Now instead of that routine I see my wife make mistakes and then I try to understand her perspective. So far I can see that compassion goes further with my wife then blame. This is not a easy thing to do and takes much effort, but I have to trust the system and disrupt old patterns. It's especially hard because my wife is still in the same old blame system, so when she confronts me with blame I am working hard to understand her and try to understand how she feels. I have found that there is usually a root feeling that is motivating her advances and simply receiving that feeling dissolves the situation. thank you, |
Thank you for sharing your process. Disarmament, like armament, generally proceeds in steps. |
||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Extinctionomics Hello Ed, I hope you are well. I want to say thanks for your article about investing 5% of capital each year "EcoNowMics". Even though my limited mind does not fully grasp all the points made, I did get some understanding and motivation from it and have made a small investment of time and money in designing a game for my website which I will present to you when its finished. I am estimating a 10 fold increase in site traffic as a result of making this game, so expect sales to increase by around 100% or 200% just by achieving a higher world site ranking. Regarding growth and EcoNowMics and the assumption that growth is a good thing. I watched this video by Dr. Albert A. Bartlett's with his illustration in a very clearly presented manner of how exponential growth is not always a good thing. He makes the points that we are running out of commodities much faster than any of us realize. It includes the bacteria in a bottle doubling theory, the wheat on the chess board model and proves with simple math that we all headed for a lifestyle much worse than we enjoy today. Its not exactly cheerful, but it is a very eye opening thing to see. I have a theory that this phenomenon is what caused the demise of the Mayan empire, as it was a very advanced civilization which suddenly disappeared. Part 8 gives a very sagacious explanation of the Aswan dam in Egypt causing more trouble than it actually solved. The chief source of problems is the solutions. Very deep and truthful statement. It might be interesting to see an "extinctionomics" model on your site. Dr. Albert A. Bartlett's presentation on "Arithmetic, Population, and Energy." on this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-QA2rkpBSY Regards and thanks I hope you enjoy watching it. |
Thank you for sharing your insights and for the link. | ||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Invitation to Chicago Panel hi Ed, would you like to be on a panel that i would moderate in Chicago Tues. Jun 21 for the managed funds association: http://www.managedfunds.org/forum2011/ i would moderate a panel with you,[Name] and perhaps one other person of close stature. it would be questions from me and the audience for an hr. around 10am. after that panel there would be a short break and a very large investor meet/greet session (if that was of interest) what do you think? best, |
I would enjoy seeing you and helping out on the panel. | ||||||
|
Monday, May 16, 2011 Guilt and Trading Chief, At our last tribe meeting two tribe members take a hot seat. The first hot seat deals with an issue he is experiencing in a relationship with his mother. His mother is a master of guilt trips and tries to run the member's life. His mother is lonely and he feels sad about that. He also gets uncomfortable when his mother asks him to be close, request hugs and kisses from him. When she does this and he chooses to leave anyway she throws a fit. He feels bad and doesn’t know what to do. He feels guilty that he is leaving her and responsible. We role play the situation of the tribe member leaving his mother’s house. After he hugs his mother she says to him that he didn’t even kiss her or give her a proper hug. The member is uncomfortable and tries to leave; he doesn’t know how to deal with it. I role play the member. It is very challenging dealing with the mother. On one hand I feel sad for her that she is alone and thankful that she raised me, on the other uncomfortable as I want to leave and she just won’t let me go. Eventually after some coaching from Ed I learn some new tools to better set my boundaries. The cool thing is that even though I say no to her and leave, I still feel a connection with her. Hot seat eventually does a very good job to break away from the clutches of his mother and set his boundaries. Second hot seat deals with an issue of having his wife and mother-in-law running his life. While experiencing the feelings he gets into his childhood when he is about twelve years old. He performs a peeing stunt while one of his friends pushes another younger kid into the trajectory of his pee. He feels bad for doing it but laughs with other older boys. It turns out the younger kids dad is a police officer and takes this thing pretty seriously. A couple of police officers begin looking for the tribe member at school and home. Tribe member is overwhelmed with guilt and fear and never tells anybody his side of the story. His parents are angry with him and give him to the police. Police officers then push him around at the police station and yell at him. We role play the part of the story when tribe member comes home and his mother yells at him to go to his room and wait without asking any questions. Tribe member does as she says. In role play he focuses on creating rapport with his mother, sharing his feelings with her and letting her know his side of the story. Once he does that she protects him. After the meeting I get to spend some time with the tribe member at the airport. He talks and talks about his high frequency trading business the most since I know him. Based on few comments he makes in the past I assume that he feels bit guilty for all the money he makes that way. I do not see that attitude anymore. We both agree that he provides valuable service to the market place. He seems lighter, happier. I wake-up at four in the morning realizing I did not send my Tribe report within 10 days after the last meeting. I am breaking my agreement with Ed. I can’t believe this happened. I also do not seem to be able get anything done past few weeks. I feel sad, like I can’t get anything done right. I feel unhappy with myself. Not sending the report on time seems to be yet another attempt from me to play for the same feelings. Sincerely, |
Thank you for sharing you process. | ||||||
|
Sunday, May 15, 2011 Boundaries and Conflict Dear Ed, At the last tribe meeting two members are working on boundary issues. One tribe member wants to be independent from his mother, who controls him with guilt. He does not like the feelings of sadness and anger that arise when his mother controls him, and as a result he is unable to assert his personal sovereignty. Another tribe member is facing a situation in which his mother-in-law attempts to control him by terminating her relationship with his wife when he does not follow her advice. His wife also tries to control him by threatening to take the children and leave him if he does not reconcile with her mother. In both relationships the tribe member is reluctant to assert his boundaries because he does not like the feeling of fear which arises when he thinks about losing his family. Through the role playing process, both tribe members learn that by sharing their feelings, and receiving the feelings of others, they are able to establish intimacy with the person at issue, assert their boundaries, and gain their personal sovereignty. As I observe the tribe members' processes, I notice that I am feeling sleepy and sluggish. This is not a typical feeling I experience in tribe meetings. I wonder if I am shutting down because I, too, am uncomfortable with personal boundaries. When I return home from the tribe meeting I experience several interpersonal conflicts. My mother-in-law, who is staying with us, harshly criticizes the manner in which my wife and I are disciplining our daughter. I tell her, politely, to please not insert herself in the process. She takes offense and gets very angry. My attempts to build rapport and share feelings fail, and the situation escalates into a full-blown drama. I eventually resolve the situation for my wife's sake, but do not feel as though any progress is made toward preventing this from occurring in the future. Later in the week, I discover that my former business partner is furtively attempting to cut me off from my old company. I am hurt by his actions, but rather than take him on I decide to just let it go. Finally, I have an argument with my father, who does not want my mother to give me a ride to somewhere I need to be. I take offense at his meddling, and we exchange some hurtful words. Over this two week period I experience a lot of sadness. I criticize myself for not being able to successfully navigate these problem people. I feel guilty for not making a greater effort to build intimacy and assert my boundaries in a healthier fashion. I experience fear when thinking about expressing my feelings to these volatile people. I feel lost and scared when I consider the possibility of excluding these people from my life. As I reflect on these events, I see that this is all my intention. I invite these problem people into my life. I want to share in the emotional drama that follows them everywhere they go. I want to feel my boundaries being overrun. I want to struggle with diving their emotional state. I want to walk on egg-shells when I see them. I want the anguish that comes whenever they turn hurtful. I want the relief that comes from regaining the relationship. When I see my intention for what it is, I also see that no amount of tribe work is going to improve my life if I continue to associate with problem people. Benjamin Franklin, a person who I grow up reading and respecting, says that "He who lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas." I now see what he means. I want to say goodbye to some of the problem people in my life. To others, I want to significantly limit my exposure. To do this, I am going to have to experience the feelings of sadness and fear that arise from the loss of those relationships. Very truly yours, |
Thank you for sharing your process. The control-centric approach to boundary management typically entrains drama and conflict and leaves the boundaries ambiguous. The intimacy-centric approach establishes rapport, clarifies the boundaries and builds support in respecting the boundaries. |
||||||
|
Sunday, May 15, 2011 Transitioning toward Intimacy Ed, This weeks tribe I was not in the hot seat but participated in the simulations. It really reinforced how powerful the technologies are when you are on the other side of the counter. I continue to make the transition to the intimacy model and the system model in my everyday life. My life seems to be more on track, and same with everyone around me. I have had some goals in the past that I had put on the back burner, and last week was presented a great opportunity to achieve one of these goals. I am very grateful to have been accepted into this tribe, and look forward to the last two meetings. Have made some great friends, and hope they all achieve great success. Thank you Ed and rest of the Tribe. |
Thank you for sharing you process. | ||||||
|
Sunday, May 15, 2011 Anger and Guilt Dear Ed and Austin Tribe: From the process of a fellow tribe member I gain an AHA!: I’m controllable through guilt. I have a halting way of dealing with a guilt tripper; trying to tip toe around for fear of being “rude” or “disrespectful.” I see a positive intention of “rudeness” or “disrespect;” boundary control and standing up for my sovereignty. I notice a layering of how guilt blocks me from experiencing other feelings. I notice feelings of anger from insult and disrespect from my father-in-law (my previous Thanksgiving Dinner process). Then I feel guilty for feeling angry. Guilt chokes off the positive intention of anger. This leads to deep seeded resentment in me and an occasional explosion. It seems willingness to feel rude, disrespectful, and anger are necessary feelings to maintain sovereignty and healthy boundary control. This is a whack on the side of the head for me. Tied into this I seem to have concern with what others think of me. I notice I’m willing to block feelings in order to have “agreement” with others. Fear of disagreement seems to have a high cost in personal identify and satisfaction for me. I feel more free now having these insights about guilt and agreement. One tribe member sharing his progress with the technology tells us of how he opens up the topic with his wife saying that he’s going to break an agreement that they have. The agreement is when he gets angry he doesn’t share it and stuffs it down. He says he’s going to break this agreement he has to not feel anger and start sharing these feelings when he experiences them. The notion of “wanting to agree” and of “agreements” we’ve made, some unconsciously at a young age that we carry forward, is deeply powerful. I feel this is an effective model for me for taking responsibility, for unshackling me from things I have and no longer want, and for acknowledging other people with whom these agreements are made. In a continuation of my Thanksgiving dinner process I envision using my new resources when I notice feelings of anger, disrespect or violation of my sovereignty. “I want to share a feeling with you. It’s very important to me. Will you listen to my feeling? … I am breaking an agreement I have with you. I want you to know this. The agreement that when I feel anger and I don’t share it no longer works for me. I want you to know that I’m breaking this agreement and when I feel anger or violation of my sovereignty I going to share it.” Thank you Ed and Austin Tribe. Sincerely, |
Thank you for sharing your process.
|
||||||
|
Sunday, May 15, 2011 TT World Tour - Singapore Dear Ed Saw your website update on Trading Tribe World Tour and Singapore is listed - are you only doing tribe meet /visit or seminar in Singapore? Non-tribe member can sign up? Hope the Singapore plan is on your confirmed agenda. Regards, |
I am beginning to gather an itinerary - that visits Tribes around the world. I may also host a Workshop in Europe. | ||||||
|
Saturday, May 14, 2011 From Control to Intimacy Dear Ed: I am reading a book on reducing blood pressure naturally - they have 30+ years of case data on this topic. Besides changes in diet and exercise, the book discusses the importance of connecting and sharing feelings. This validates the TTP process. I start relating to the case studies in the book especially the personality types. I get an aha that I am so goal focused that I almost never connect with the people around me. I work on changing this. This week I connect with a bank teller for the first time in my life. Normally I view this as a transaction that has to be completed in the shortest amount of time so that I can move on to the next thing. I spend 15 minutes connecting with the bank teller which is a record for me. I feel good doing this instead of being frustrated with the small talk. Later in the week I am at the grocery store and there is a person giving out samples. He is talking to a family and really connecting with a little girl. This fascinates me so I wait about 10 minutes till the family walks away. Normally, I would have gotten frustrated and walked away. Then I spend almost 30 minutes connecting with this person. We find an unusual connection about places and things. For the first time I do not feel the pressure to end the conversation and to move on to the next thing. Then I see a blind spot. I am goal focused. I am intensely driven. Every time there is an issue, I set new goals. However, my relationships are not at a level that is satisfactory. I have been trying to solve this issue with more goals. This puts more pressure on me and I have even less time to connect. I reduce my goals so that they create less pressure and give me more time to connect. |
Thank you for sharing your process. | ||||||
|
Friday, May 13, 2011 The Joy of Un-Snarling Hi Ed I want to share some wonderful news. I feel unadulterated joy in my heart. I am grinning ear to ear. My chest is puffed out and my stomach feels like it's filled with laughter. I feel lighter than air. I have just managed to unsnarl myself from a job I have been in for the past 4.5 years that is going nowhere. I find myself a new job with better pay and better prospects and where I can better use my unique skills to serve my new employer. I use the FAQ lessons on dealing with snarls as an example for intimacy centric relating and succeed with minimal drama. I good, really really good, better than James Brown. My happiness feels like a Golden Phoenix rising from the ashes of despair. Oh what a wonderful day, what a wonderful moment. Regards |
Thank you for sharing your process. | ||||||
|
Friday, May 13, 2011 Win-Win Dealing Ed, You have helped me work on many issues but I wanted to write about one that was a concern of mine recently. When you first met me and we did a process, you told me to be very careful with whom I get into a relationship (business or persona) with for sometime. Last week I became concerned that I may not have my boundaries set and agree to things in some contracts that I was negotiating that would be detrimental. This week one of my partners and I was negotiating these agreements. Going into the meetings, I felt very relaxed and comfortable. One of the important lessons I learned last week during tribe was to be willing to feel the loss before it happened. If I am willing to feel the feeling of a deal not being made, then I am willing to walk away from a bad contract, a bad relationship, or simple any bad situation. Thinking back over the week, I feel there were a few things that allowed us to complete these contracts this week. My partner and I were prepared. Second, we were confident in what we were doing and knew what we needed in the agreements were important. Fourth, we were both willing to walk away from the table if the negotiations were not going well. And finally, we intimately listened to their concerns; they knew we were genuine in our comments and how we received them. I believe this is why we had very few hang-ups in the meeting. In fact, things went so easily we suggested some things in the agreement that would help them but not hurt the project. They were very appreciative that we cared about their concerns. Thank you my friend, |
Thank you for sharing your process. | ||||||
|
Friday, May 13, 2011 Avoiding Guilt Tripping Ed, The last tribe meeting tribe members had issues with controlling family members that use guilt to control other people. It is amazing to me that after our tribe session, I see the same thing occurring in my family. I am very appreciative of the opportunity I have to improve myself so I don’t live in those dramas anymore. During one of the processes a tribe member works on finding boundaries. Towards the end of this members process another member pushes on the chest of the hot seat. At first, the HS is uncomfortable and is easily move back. With a determined desire, the HS anchored himself in the ground and was not going to be moved. I definitely felt the HS had found the ability to not be bullied or guilted into things anymore. I remember an earlier process this HS has with being made fun of while in school and how he would allow the teasing and not do something to stop it. I believe this tribe member has become stronger in himself and will have the resources that will not put him in the position to be teased or guilted into do things. The other process was a great example of how we can be controlled if we are not willing to feel something. HS is too fearful to allow his kids taken away from him and so he lets other family members manipulate him into doing the things they want him to do. By being too scared to lose something, he allows other control his life. This HS was even hesitant to get into the HS to remedy the situation. His fear was trying not to allow him to stand up to these Superstar guilt giving family members. Once the hot seat was over, the HS was much more comfortable and confident in his ability to handle this situation. My family has many of the same things going on. Today, my mom was very angry with an aunt that tries to control every thing that happens. I asked my mom how she felt. At first she didn’t want to think about it. I simply received her and thank her. We eventually talked about it, which gave us an opportunity to discuss many issues. She brought up many feelings of disgust of how this person has looked down on my mom, how my mom feels guilty if she doesn’t do whatever her mom asks her to do and that my mom doesn’t believe my mom is a good daughter. We discussed how these feelings may allow other people to control us by getting us mad, or guilting us into doing what they want, etc. At the end of the conversation, I asked my mom if she was still angry at her aunt? She was still irritated but the true anger was gone. Thank you tribe for supporting me. |
Thank you for sharing your process. |
||||||
|
Friday, May 13, 2011 Austin Tribe FAQ Report #8 Dear Ed, Thanks for hosting another great Tribe meeting. I think I get something out of each Hot Seat process during the meeting. The first Hot Seat deals with issues of a mother who is controlling and engages in guilt tripping the tribe member. Watching the various role players and their opposing approaches to the situation is very telling. It’s obvious that blaming and arguing do not seem to produce desired results. However, being clear and assertive about how one is feeling and what one wants is effective. This reminds me of a very successful business man I know who is able to communicate effectively in this fashion. From this process, I am inspired to better communicate my feelings, desires and to protect my rights. The second Hot Seat, which deals with peeing on a kid as a child, turns out to have much to do with issues surrounding keeping commitments. Upon reflection of this process I realize that I’m pretty good at keeping commitments to others. My issue is with keeping commitments to myself. I ponder how I am able to be accountable to others but apparently have a lack of personal respect. I think this is a self-esteem issue, which everyone probably shares to varying degrees. It also underlines the power of making commitments public. I am working on being more accountable to myself, starting with achieving certain commitments which I have posted above my desk. |
Thank you for sharing your process.
|
||||||
|
Friday, May 13, 2011 Austin TT Hi, I am interested in attending a Trading Tribe meeting in Austin. I have read the TT book but have not attended a meeting. I am located in Dallas, but the Dallas group is not meeting at this time. I believe the Austin group would be my best option. Would like to receive information on dates / times for Austin TT, and please put me on your mailing list. Thanks very much, |
I have no mailing list. The Austin Treading Tribe meets in a 10-session series. It is a developmental group - for people who have interest in furthering the work. |
||||||
|
Thursday, May 12, 2011 Trading, Entropy, and Trend Following Greetings! What an honor - a live email FAQ with one of the greatest trend followers of all time. Thanks for giving insights in the various books (Market Wizards, Trade Your Way to Financial Freedom, Trend Following). I've found myself in trend following since discovering it in these resources. I know you're a systems guy - get this - from an energy systems / mechanical engineering standpoint, consider the inverted population in terms of entropy and energy. The inverted population behaves opposite an ordinary working fluid in a power cycle in that entropy goes down as energy is added. Disordered energy goes in, ordered goes out (similar to how a laser converts disordered EM energy into a coherent beam of light). The inverted population works by removing degrees of freedom as energy is added, unlike a gas which is, for the most part, chaotic. A very strange idea popped into my mind the other day. Traders who get wealthy are beating the natural entropy of the market, which is full of traders who are ruled by their own greed, fear, psychology and human nature. Money flows from the hands of the many to the few. Entropy is reduced in the case of the winning traders. How do they do it? Through exits and position sizing ... basically by removing degrees of freedom, using a disciplined system. Taken further, when a really glorious trend gets going, I've noticed that volatility with respect to the trend line reduces while price increases. At the end, I've noticed that volatility increases as momentum comes out. The inverted population seems to exist psychologically, in the markets, in the minds of the winners. How very interesting that silver's recent spike followed this dynamic in the most recent leg up, right before it busted. Smooth parabola, shaky top, then collapse. So, for the amusement of all trend followers, and to show my thanks for seeding my own thought processes, I present this observation to your FAQ, in hopes of perpetuating the process. (I'm now FINALLY profitable since I began buying high and selling low.) |
Thank you for sharing your insights. You might consider plotting price against volatility - to see if you can detect hysteresis. |
||||||
|
Thursday, May 12, 2011 SF Tribe Update Chief Ed, San Francisco tribe is doing well. We are now a strong group of nine members. There are 3 full time traders, two aspiring full time traders and the others are former traders/brokers but now in other businesses/jobs. All members are striving to achieve snapshots and right livelihood. Some recent snapshots that are fulfilled are - getting married, launching business, buying a home, losing weight, starting a new fund etc. I keep getting about 2 inquiries a month to join the SF tribe. Please update the SF tribe info on the website with the attached document that addresses that the SF tribe is not accepting new members. Thank you. |
Thank you for the update. | ||||||
|
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 Tribe Meeting Report - Dealing with Mother - and Father Dear Ed, I take the hot seat the last tribe session. I work on the relationship with my mother. She usually nags a lot and I just basically shut down. I cannot establish rapport with her. I bring this issue to the tribe. Ed asks me how I feel about my mother. I express sadness. I start to cry. My mother is by herself and my sister and I are an important part in her life. However, I do not like my current relationship with her. With the help of the tribe, we role play a situation where my mother demands me a kiss and a hug. I feel uncomfortable with her demand and guilty if I do not satisfy her. A fellow tribe member role plays my mother. He does a great job. I feel surprise when he uses the same phrases as my mother to start guilt trips (“I changed your diapers when you were a baby”; “I helped you with your homework when you were at school”). First, I just observe two tribe members interact with my mother. One tribe member is able to establish boundaries and connect with my mother. However, when I try to do the same, I just shut down. I have difficulty establishing boundaries with her. Ed tells me that I am suppressing my anger. He asks me to show my anger. My form is to make a fist with my hands and to scream. However, I bent my back like if I want to hide my anger. Then, Ed asks me to express my anger just with my face without screaming. With the help of the tribe, I am able to start feeling my anger and to express it. At this point, I start to enjoy the feeling. Then, a tribe member starts to push me. I am able to look into his eyes and to feel my anger. I just say “Stay away of my turf”. He notices that I really mean it and stops the pushing. With my feeling of anger as an ally, I role play again the situation with my mother. This time, I can establish my boundaries with her. I do not have to scream or anything like that. I barely say a few words. All I need is willingness to feel my anger when somebody crosses my boundaries. I try one more role play this time also applying the intimacy model. Initially, my mother does not want to express feelings. I tell her that I want to have a relationship and to express feelings is part of it. When I finally decide to risk my relationship with her, she starts to express some feelings. My decision to risk the relationship is my breakthrough. I feel a shift. Finally, I am able to connect with her. I talk to a friend about my hot seat the following day and he tells me “Your mother probably wants to have an intimacy-centric relationship with you, it is just she does not know how to”. I think he is right. During check out, a fellow tribe member mentions that he senses some grief behind my anger. I do not give much attention to this. However, the day after the hot seat, I start to remember an event in my life. I am 8 years old and my father basically disappears. I do not live with him but I see him almost every weekend. I like to hang out with him. He is my buddy. I ask my grandparents about him and they tell me that they do not know where he is. After a few months, they tell me that he is on a trip. I recall feeling very sad during that time. I do not recall sharing my sadness with anybody. During that time, I attend a catholic school and I am preparing for the first communion. This is something special for me. I wait until the last minute for him to show up. He does not show up. I recall feeling very sad during the ceremony. After a few months, my grandparents tell me that he is in another country. They call him a few times but I cannot even talk to him as I just cry. I start to communicate with him by mail and I see him again after 3 years. I remember this event and I feel sad. I cry a lot. I am still crying now as I write this report. I also recall that my father supports me with my anger and that my mother invalidates me. When my father disappears, I lose ground and I just suppress the feeling. I still do not know if I want to talk to my father about this over the phone. He is on another country. I might wait until I see him on person. However, after many years I am finally experiencing my sadness about this event. Last Sunday, I see my mother for mother´s day. I have no problem establishing boundaries with her. I ask for her feelings a few times. She expresses sadness. The relationship is different. I like it this way. For the past few days, I have a feeling of freedom and confidence. Thank you and all the tribe for the support. I am extremely grateful. |
Thank you for sharing your process.
|
||||||
|
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 Trouble Receiving Dear Mr. Seykota, I bring your attention to a question put to you on 9th November, 2004 regarding a good receiver. I am having trouble encouraging a hotseat that is giving a form that is much like the train wreck that is in your reply. I found myself quickly out of the Tribe and derailed with the great performance I was enjoying. I have been able to get back on the path by feeling my feelings in front of a screen. I have been able to get your Essentials Card, TUIT and Dollar. I see you are going on your World Tribe Tour and I thought I might keep you up to date with someone who has fallen out of the Tribe. Yours faithfully. |
Thank you for sharing your process. |
||||||
|
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 Fraternal Connections Mr. Seykota, I, like many people before me, learned about you and your successes through Jack Schwager's book. I just read your chapter for the first time tonight. Though you may represent only 16.67% of all the traders I've ever thoroughly read about, by far I relate the most to you. I can barely remember Jack's summary at the end of the chapter because all I was thinking about was searching you out to...to...I don't quite know what my intent is. I do know that I too have a degree in engineering and love Lake Tahoe, unfortunately our similarities may end there. My degree is in Civil Engineering not Mechanical, and my college was slightly less prestigious than yours. I am 25 years old and I work in the drinking water business. Though I feel truly blessed to be on the career path I currently am on, I have become enthralled and obsessed with the idea of becoming a trader. I have been studying the markets from afar for about 18 months, but I am becoming increasingly closer to entering my first real trade. I too love psychology; at times in my life I've thought I chose the wrong college subject due to my non-engineering attractions. After reading about your success, and how you joined the engineering and psychology fields to master the markets, my future suddenly snapped into focus. Mr. Seykota, I don't know if you ever counsel young, soon-to-be traders. Or better yet take them under your wing and show them what you know. If you were to do something that generous for me, I will make a few promises to you now: I will be your best pupil ever; I will pass on the information to future qualified students so they too can live a life that few people think is even possible; and I will bring you joy. Warmly, P.S. This remaining section literally happened after I wrote and edited all the above and was preparing to send it off. I finished the last sentence above and thought, "I wonder if Mr. Seykota was in a fraternity?" Of course I searched for the best one first - Sigma Chi - and am now shaking with excitement. I am a brother from the Epsilon Eta chapter, and due to my engineering studies, have dreamed about what it would have been like to have been a brother at Alpha Theta. Even if you were not up to taking on a pupil, I would cherish the opportunity to share a glass of whiskey with you and soak in any life advice you're willing to pass along. I am a man of good character, a student of fair ability, with ambitious purposes, a congenial disposition, possessed of good morals, I have a high sense of honor and a deep sense of personal responsibility, and you truly are all of these plus an inspiration. If nothing else, you have provided me with a joyful end to my night, a soon-to-be pleasant dream, and an example of success that seems unattainable yet very possible. Bidding you Godspeed my Brother, |
Thank you for reaching out. I now reside in Austin Texas. If you find yourself in this area, I'd like to visit with you and learn the best things to put in the line between the well and the kitchen faucet. |
||||||
|
Tuesday, May 10, 2011 TT World Tour - New Jersey Hi Ed, On behalf of my tribe, we wish to have you visit on your TT World Tour ... We are willing to adjust our next tribe meeting date to another Sunday in May, June or July if it may fit with your schedule. I also wish to extend the offer of lodging in the guest room in my home in Convent Station, NJ, and offer to pick you up and/or drop you off at any of the nearby airports. If you prefer a hotel, a close option is the Hamilton Park Hotel in Florham Park, NJ, or the Madison Hotel in Madison, NJ. Convent Station is next to Florham Park and a 20 minute car ride from Newark Airport, and a ~40 minute car ride from New York City. Convent Station is on a direct train line to/from New York City (Penn Station). Train rides vary between 45 and 70 minutes. Sincerely, |
Thank you for your invitation. New Jersey is now on the itinerary. |
