April 10, 2013

Embarrassment and Surveys

Ed,

I would like to better understand your remark (below) that the government preempting family and community has anything to do with surveys, and also that surveys apparently are of limited value.

Perhaps I might have written "sharing feelings with others to explore what is important to them" instead of "survey". Of course, any data can be used for manipulative purposes, but asking others what they think or feel about a topic can be a source of broader understanding or even an incentive to explore one's feelings further.

If I want to engage in a conversation with someone I don't know well, or at all, I might start by smiling and saying "I'm taking a survey" and then show interest in their opinion about whatever topic I have presented. This opens a door to further sharing more often than not.

For example, the fact that men and women respond differently to a question about "romantic" behavior suggests an interesting point to share feelings about; it doesn't suggest that surveys are useless. The survey about sexual preferences of Cosmo readers that you include in your reply may have been selected specifically for silliness; it does not mean that all surveys are silly. (They are, of course, more limited than having an intimate personal conversation with someone we know well.)

I think I might like to live in a society in which the pornography question could be handled by our families and communities (and perhaps there wouldn't even be a pornography question in such a society), but I'm not sure how the responsibility for our sexual repression gets placed on the government.

Since I don't have a physical Tribe, I will take my feelings about surveys to my virtual FAQ Tribe. I am interested to "survey" their feelings and responses!

April 10, 2013

Majestic Drama

Dear Ed,

Thank you for your answer (below) , which helps me clarify my situation, and for your friendly smiley.

I remember me being courageous, full of energy, creative, optimistic. TTP teaches me to be empathetic, open, receptive. I can help people, I can assist them to set themselves free.

For almost 2 years now I have this condition (doctors give it different names, depression, anxiety disorder...). It turns me into a fearful, indecisive guy. I cannot find my ability to receive anymore, emotionally I feel at the same stage as per 2007... My Tribesmen are appalled about my development.

I have more and more symptoms: night terrors, blurred vision, pains, confusion, forgetfulness. Some days I am really disabled. As my condition worsens, I start taking antidepressants. I feel that they make it even worse.

I cannot work and live from the insurance, I cannot support and assist my children, who do not enjoy my company, I cannot help emotionally troubled people since I am mostly occupied with myself.

I remember living a joyful, productive life, which was getting better and better. Now, I cannot serve. I am immersed in a majestic drama.

Intentions = results. But I don´t understand my intentions right now. The way I am living is plainly ridiculous. I am useless and a burden.

The "problem" is: I want the old [me] back. I want to be able to work, to serve, to support my children and their mother, and not to spend most of the day terrified, in a dark room, unable to live a normal life.

Best regards,

P.S.

I mean, we all get caught by disease and decay, but I am 46 as this starts... I feel so sad, overwhelmed, helpless and angry...

April 10, 2013

Porn - One Woman's View

Ed,

I am remembering my husband suggesting that we watch porn together. I remember the feelings, which come in rapid succession: first, intense curiosity, then embarrassment (for being so curious?), then confusion and some fear.

My "job" is to please a man, so I "should" want to do this, or "should" I be more "ladylike"? What if I like it too much, and it becomes about pleasing me instead of him? Not in my job description! What if it raises the bar for what I am "supposed" to do sexually and I can't make the cut? And probably many more layers, including various judges, of course. I must say that the curiosity, excitement, and rush of adrenaline about something "forbidden" really are what I remember with the most intensity.

These feelings, none of which I express at the moment, of course, could easily give me the appearance of being "uncomfortable". Fortunately for me, my husband does not respond to the cues that could lead him to back off and, instead, responds to the cues that say, "Let's see what happens!".

Some of your contributors are noticing their girlfriends' discomfort and perhaps not wondering any more about it, but just projecting their own judgment onto the woman, thereby sending the message that their mission is, indeed, all about them and not about the shared experience. Another missed opportunity! I wonder if they are willing to be more interested in their girlfriends' feelings as well as their own.

I think it would be fun for us all to do a survey (women love surveys!) and include some women in it. We could search for the top ten porn videos that women enjoy (you can do the romantic movie survey too, for foreplay, but eventually I think we must get around to the actual "deed", or, maybe not!).

This column can also be an "entry point", so to speak, for a deeper conversation about porn and how men and women experience it. Wow, you could even let your girlfriend read your posts, and post something of her own if she likes!

For my part in this project, I am personally reviewing my porn collection to select the standouts and share that list with FAQ. I can tell you right now that "Debbie Does Dallas" is at the top of my list and is very empowering to women, as it depicts a group of girls who band together in a business venture to support one of their members who has a lofty financial and personal goal. It also offers an interesting opportunity for a man to enjoy the female point of view and possibly to overlook the rather humorous way men are depicted. Lighten up, guys!

http://www.saintsweb.co.uk/showthread.php?43164-Bob-does-Dallas

April 9, 2013

Romantic Movies and Porn

Ed,

Ed says: You might consider inviting one of your lady friends over to watch a "chick flick" such as Dirty Dancing or Breakfast at Tiffany's, or maybe a tearjerker or a rom-com (romantic comedy). You might help inspire her to help you rise to the occasion.

Ha ha... That's it. Porn = romantic movies for guys. And that's exactly how it seems to feel like for most women: just as a tearjerker or rom-com for guys. :) As they say: women from Venus, men from Mars. Different planets. :)

April 9, 2013

Expressing Frustration Musically

Ed,

In my psychology / counselling practice, I work with a young musician who reports "writer's block" and hearing a "shrill, constant noise." He exhibits signs of depression and withdrawal.

I find your ideas about receiving feelings interesting and wonder if they might apply in this case.

During his next visit, I venture to ask my client if he can write a piece of music that sounds like his block. He thanks me for assigning him "homework." Within an hour of our session, he sends this: mp3 file (2 megabytes)

I find his music amazing and mesmerizing.

I have his permission to share it with you for publication.

I also notice that since I shift my focus from "fixing" him to "receiving" him in his native language (music), he shows many spontaneous signs of change, including expressing optimism, even cheerfulness.

He also cuts his shoulder-length hair and adopts a crew-cut look.

April 9, 2013

Big, Hot, Cheap and Right

Ed,

There is a book that might interest you titled "Big, Hot, Cheap and Right" by Erica Greider. It explores the factors that make Texas so economically powerful.

April 9, 2013

Dingbats

Ed,

You might like this, from Los Angeles Times columnist Burt Prelutsky:

Frankly, I don't know what it is about California , but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine , even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington , we're Number One. There's no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on 'Macbeth'. The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don't know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words.

April 9, 2013

More on Fear Forms

Dear Ed,

Thank you for your response and for your acknowledgment.

Reading it, as well as rereading my own email and our previous exchange and perusing the FAQ column, leads me to the following:

I decide to make a Google Images search for "chasing women", I quickly scan the results and I settle upon one to which I feel an emotional connection:

http://sweetcicily.blogspot.it/2013/03/the-thrill-of-chase.html

I like it, there's fun and happiness, both parties enjoy the process, it's playful.

I notice I forget the word "kids" in the sentence "Crying, I make the same commitment with great determination (of the kind that only kids are capable of)". I wonder whether I am the "missing kid".

I reflect in which ways I may be holding back from succeeding and I realize my main issue is "putting things into practice."

I seem to have troubles implementing things / theories / investments, even if I at a mental level I am fully familiar with the concepts behind them and their workings and confident in their success (this also relates to my need for assurances and external confirmations.

It may also take the opposite form of jumping recklessly into something without proper consideration for the risks involved, particularly in investing where I jump into long-term positions with excessive leverage, as if they were short term trades).

I live in my own head as opposed to living in the real world. I want to work on bridging the gap (that very likely exists only in my own head as well). To me, this somehow relates with my profound fear of death. I have a form for it, that usually manifests itself in the evening, when I'm lying in bed: all of a sudden, I realize that one day I'll be dead and that's it and I feel a supreme awareness of this undeniable fact and I feel a bout of warmth of rushing blood through the whole body and something like an oppressive feeling in my chest and the compulsive need to jump out of the bed and move, whilst breathing intensely, almost as to prove myself that at least for the moment I'm alive, all the while saying "No, it can't be true. It can't be like this. I can't accept it."

This form relates to a childhood memory: I am in my bed, thinking about death and afraid of it. After lengthy consideration, I decide to go into my parents' bed. After a while, I find the courage to ask my father what happens after death and he says something like "Nothing: you're dead and that's it." and as soon as he says it I feel overwhelmed by a feeling of complete hopelessness, which takes the form of warmth in the body plus the desire to move, to escape from the unacceptable truth which can no longer be avoided. Today, my fear of death rarely takes the "jumping out of bed" form, but rather manifests itself through more "adult" or "acceptable" forms like fear of flying and fear of illnesses.

I share your view that dealing with my issues is likely to improve my health. I have a systemic view of my prostatitis, which has a physical component and a psychological /emotional one that affect each other.

After long research and many frustrations I finally find what's most likely responsible for the physical component (and, knowing how dreadful and humiliating an experience prostatitis can be, I wish to share my finding with interested readers of your column: http://www.psp94.com/ and I take care of it with antifungal drugs. Now it's time to take care of the other component via your Workshop, knowing that an unblocked emotional engine can only improve my physical response to my condition. I already notice progress whenever I practice intimacy and express my feelings. I feel grateful to my girlfriend for her incredible support.

I relate to your response to the "Out of Control" email: I'd love to explode (and this makes me think of ejaculation as well), go out of control and shout my feelings out loud, realizing years of built-up pressure! Other than fear, there's a lot of anger in me, which I've learnt to repress after realizing it was disrupting my relationships and my social life (the funny thing is: I am almost never angry at the person receiving my anger. More often than not I am angry at myself or at the way things are.).

Sweating may prove to be an easy entry point for me, as I feel the urgency of dealing with it and as I already partially enjoy it: after having sweated it out, even in truly embarrassing situations like professional meetings, I feel somewhat purified and calmer and more focused.

I notice that the other workshop participants send you five essays. I go to the Workshop application page and see that you now request essays on time and on how to get information without using questions. I enclose them here.

I wonder whether you're familiar with the work of Josh Waitzkin and whether you've read his book "The art of learning": it seems to me that he adopts an approach similar to TTP that enables him to have many Aha moments. He then build his own theory of learning, detailing what in his opinion makes the process more effective. I enjoy the book and share many of his views.

Finally, I want to thank you for the effort and time that you put in helping people via this column and your other initiatives. It takes great commitment to wander (and perhaps wonder) through all this emotional waste, looking for the most effective way to support people and to allow them to help and heal themselves.

April 9, 2013 7:10 AM

More On Porn and Erectile Dysfunction

Hi, Ed!

I have found that both porn and porn-induced ED have a positive intention.

I have already experimented with porn and also trying to share it with a partner. Eventually I enjoyed the experience but the girl did not manage it and I already had some porn induced ED.

No I feel that porn induced ED also has a positive intention and I feel good about rebooting (abstinence of porn, fantasies, masturbation and orgasm).

I feel good and find new interest in life, with renewed energy. So I feel that even ED has a positive intention. I feel I want something real.

I have had the opportunity to share this recently with a girl friend, I have also told my previous girlfriends about it and I was able to share with a therapist. Unfortunately, however, the girl friend I shared my current experience with recently, doesn't feel so comfortable about it and so I had to refrain from talking about it with her.

But I feel tremendous relief in sharing this, especially with women, including my experience with ED and talking about relationships, my expectations and desires.

I would like to be to able share more with a girl-friend or a girlfriend.

April 9, 2013

Problems

Dear Ed,

Some weeks ago I think about quitting Tribe. In my current health status I doubt that I can contribute to the Tribe work. But telling that to you could be a form of manipulation, just asking for your attention or compassion. I think "well, if Ed thinks that I still can contribute to Tribe work, he will make me know somehow".

A couple of days later I see the updated FAQ and the announcements of Breathwork, Austin Tribe and Workshop. I interpret it as the sign. Maybe I am wrong, I don´t know.

I read a poem attributed to you: "Hope is dope, an opiate..." I still hope to be healthy again and able to work. In the meantime I experience frustration, pain, despair and hopelessness. I don´t want to medicate these feelings. I would like to understand the message and the meaning of my symptoms. I wonder if there is something that can heal me.

Yours,

April 8, 2013

Rebalancing

Hello Ed,

My recall is that I put the GRAB research on my company web site and you linked to it from your site. I think this is why you cannot see it on your site.

It is still on my company website. I recall changing the formatting so the branding is consistent across my website. You can find it here:

http://mscapmgmt.com/research.php

I am happy to send you the files with plainer formatting, if you want to post it on your site rather than link.

Perhaps I can call you sometime suitable to discuss this and future reseach?

April 8, 2013

Second Law

Ed,

Thanks again for your hospitality in Austin. It was a pleasure to swap stories and ideas with you.

I thought you might be interested in a more detailed commentary ...

The math is pretty simple, but it seems that no one has bothered in the last century and a half to do the calculations, which undermine the assertion by Boltzmann that the most probable macrostate always acts as an "attractor".

So even on its own terms, statistical mechanics fails as an explanation of the second law and, by implication, the arrow of time.

Of course the true physical explanation of the second law is provided by Newton's laws of motion. It doesn't take much imagination to see that the law of inertia will insure that molecules will spread into open space, either immediately or after reflecting off the two walls or other molecules.

A concise way of describing this process is to recognize that the initial ball of molecules at time 1 possesses a net "radial momentum" which results in the expansion of the gas. In the unusual case where all or most of the molecules is assumed to be initially moving towards the center of mass (negative net radial momentum), they would quickly (at 500m/s) be reflected outward from or pass through the center and soon be on their way to infinity.

The same thing can be observed in the ideal gas simulation with "Small grid" selected. Of course the enclosed box will reflect the gas molecules back into the interior, leading to a form of "equilibrium" which is impossible to define with mathematical precision. Since the simulation is strictly deterministic, the motion of the simulated molecules is probably best described as "deterministic chaos". While Boltzmann entropy (S = k ln W) may provide a useful metric (as you recognized) for measuring the relative uniformity of the distribution of molecules, it hardly qualifies as a causal mechanism, contrary to what Boltzmann asserted and most textbooks have echoed ever since.

I hope you find this interesting. We took 71 through Bastrop on the way to Galveston. The wildflowers were great the whole way.

Best regards,

April 8, 2013

Out of Control

Ed,

I feel grateful to read the responses from your readers to my post on the potential risks of helping without willingness testing (Moron Helping). The story of the Qing Ming holiday and its recognition of the danger of our self-serving "need" to help is very moving. There really is a holiday for everything!

I especially feel thankful for the contribution from the reader who makes a special effort to empathize with my feelings and respectfully offers alternative ways of dealing with my dilemma. His words help me realize that even my regret is a wish to control the situation, and that everyone, myself included, does what they need to do at the time they do it. I don't have to feel regret in order to accept the situation as it is.

This theme of my fear of doing harm to someone (or should I say, my fear of being judged for doing harm to someone) leads me to more clarity about my dilemma about "taking it to Tribe", as you often recommend. There is no Tribe available to me at this time, and, even if there were, I feel a strong fear, an anxiety in my chest that elevates my heart rate and creates a feeling of dread when I think about even joining one, much less starting one.

What an enormous responsibility! I honestly believe my fear is more of harm I might do rather than harm that might be done to me, but either way, I wonder how one can know what to do in such an intense situation. It seems that the leader would have to be very skilled and experienced. I also see that the thought of my harming someone emotionally evokes great shame in me.

The Trading Tribe Process seems to be very explicit in the steps for helping members work together on their issues as they emerge, but I wonder if those steps include the means for managing harm. I wonder if members sign disclaimers or if there is some emergency backup plan for feelings that get out of control.

As I write this I see my fear of feelings splattered all over the page! Also perhaps my control-centric view of people as being unable to cope with feelings without protection, which now appears quite blatantly to me as a projection of my own fears.

But hey, bad things do happen (sometimes) when people start expressing themselves without restraint! I wonder where the line is between what is helpful and what is harmful - or if both are neither bad nor good, but simply feelings to be experienced.

Thanks for the chance to explore these feelings,

April 7, 2013

TT Directory Revisions

Hi Ed,

I appreciate the website revisions and updated Tribe Directory.

Thank you,

April 7, 2013

Wants a Portland Tribe

Hello Ed,

I like the style and attitude of the Trading Tribe.

I live near Portland, Oregon, and the closest Tribes listed are California or Texas. Do non-local members establish long distance relationships with out of state Tribes or have to start one of their own locally?

Regards,

April 6, 2013

Workshop Application

Hi Ed,

I would very much like to attend your workshop.

Please find my application attached.

Best regards,

April 5, 2013

Willingness Testing

Hi Ed,

Thanks to the person and her entry "Moron Helping" on April 2, I can feel her profound regret. I have great respect for her and I am grateful for her for sharing her experience.

As I reflect on her drama, it sounds like her Fred is setting her up to feel <regret>. When she tries to help, her husband dies bitterly angry at his son, and she seems to be blaming herself for trying to "get feelings out of two people who were in no way willing and who had not asked for her intervention." I wonder, if instead she refrains from intervening, and her husband keeps holding grudges and dies bitterly angry at his son, she might still be blaming herself and regret not doing more when she knows the anger is eating her husband up. Either way, she gets to feel <regret>. I guess everyone get what they want, or at least what Fred wants.

Furthermore, with perfect hindsight now, I put myself in her situation and I wonder if there's anything I'd do differently. I suppose I can work on sharing feelings with her husband and his son, like how it pains her to see the two persons she cares so much bitter at one another. I suppose also, I can focus more on receiving and acknowledging the angry feelings from both parties. These are by no means a criticism on her. I absolutely understand it is easier said than done, and I also have the benefit of being a detached third party with perfect hindsight.

However, I am not sure what other ways she can test for willingness. From her account, she asks the son directly whether he wants to work on his relationship with his father. That sounds like a test on his willingness, and his answer is a resounding no. The result of this willingness test ends up pis---- off her husband, who is willing to send his rage but unwilling to receive his son's. In the end, he ends up dying in bitterness while she ends up feeling regret for doing too much.

I wonder what other kind of willingness test you would do if you are in a similar situation like this woman.

Thanks.

April 5, 2013

Trading Tribe New York

Hi Ed,

I am very excited that the New York Trading Tribe is starting a 10-session series, from April 23rd to June 25th, meeting every Tuesday between 7 and 10pm. I feel honored and humble to be able to serve, and I feel excited to meet new members and embark on a journey with them in personal growth.

I am enclosing our TTID.

April 5, 2013

Hong Kong and Singapore

Ed,

Ed says, "Countries That Have High Economic Freedom like Hong Kong and Singapore also enjoy high prosperity."

I was born and raised in Hong Kong, and was back there just last month. Your statement about Hong Kong and "high prosperity" doesn't feel right to me, as it does not reflect the mood over there at all.

My observation is that the vast majority of people living there do not associate "high prosperity" with Hong Kong, unless prosperity is solely a measure of real estate prices, which Hong Kong indeed has the highest per square footage in the world. The general feeling in the media and with the everyday people is anger and resentment. Most view the government as lame and incompetent. Since the Hong Kong dollar is pegged to the USD, many blame the high inflation they are experiencing on the U.S. government for exporting their debt problem with their quantitative easing.

As for Singapore, while I am no expert in that country, there is an interesting rivalry between Hong Kong and Singapore. Folks in HK people love to use Singapore as a measuring stick and compare the two. The general view I gather is that the Singaporean government favors plenty of rules, regulations, and government planning. Admittedly though most see Singapore doing a much better job than Hong Kong. Singapore is also famous for is its stifling fines and harsh penalty. Overall, Singapore seems to an exhibit of the Control Model.

Lastly, even if Hong Kong indeed enjoys "high prosperity" as you say, it is worth pointing out the cost for it. For example, seeing the beautiful blue sky and breathing the clean air the other day back here in the United States, I suddenly feel a tremendous amount of gratitude. These are things I've been taken for granted, but after my trip back to Hong Kong where the pollution is at an alarming level, I come to realize these simple things is really not a given.

April 4, 2013

Workshop Application

Hi Chief Ed,

I attach my application forms and essay for the September 13-15 workshop in Austin.

I thank you for your work!

April 4, 2013

More On Intimacy-Centric Relating

Ed,

I afraid we're on "closed loop".

I associate real women or attempts to establish intimate, non-platonic relationships with real women with pain, frustration, rejection, shame.

And out of my use of porn, I do not even hook up with them on a sexual level anymore. Somehow an old wish came true: no woman has power over me anymore; no woman can control or manipulate me anymore... And I "run no risk" of feeling shame, frustration, rejection and emotional pain anymore. It's a dead end.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-i-recovered-from-porn-related-erectile-dysfunction Quote:

"I was proud that I could look at a hot girl on the street and not feel the slightest hint of arousal because porn had desensitized me. It was a way of taking back the power that I believed women had over me. Only much later did I realize how destructive this was. [...] The other night I was watching a program about prostitutes; I recognized some of the girls from porn movies. At one point they said they could tell who the chronic porn masturbators were because nothing they could do could "inspire" the man to get it up. Think about it, even girls professionally trained in fulfilling male sex fantasy are unable to match the stimulation of pornography, including some girls who are actually in pornography. "Normal" women who just want our affections don't stand a chance."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201201/why-do-i-find-porn-more-exciting-partner

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201009/intoxicating-behaviors-300-vaginas-lot-dopamine

April 3, 2013

More On Fear Forms

Dear Ed,

Curiously, the image (below) you include in your response does not elicit any sexual response from me: a skinny naked woman with her buttocks bruised running away from something in a forest does not arouse me. It conveys a feeling of fear / escaping from something.

I am also deeply satisfied by my current relationship, which starts before I develop prostatitis: I love my girlfriend (who is a fantastic feelings-processor) and she loves me too.

We intend to build a family and I want to work on my issues, including prostatitis, so as to be a better companion and a great father. I greatly feel the responsibility of becoming a parent: screwing one's life might be excusable, screwing the lives of others is an absolute no-no and when children are involved it's a mortal sin (even though I am atheist).

During the last couple of days I feel the subtle pain described below and my prostate gets better, almost as the pain is a symptom of it awakening. I also defecate a lot and in a very nice "fashion", so to speak, something I struggle with since my prostatitis first appeared (even before, defecating has always been a focal, or shall I say fecal, point for me and I used it either to act out or to avoid feelings and/or situations or simply to get some privacy and loneliness). Obviously there's some internal waste that needs to be disposed of here…

Some of my forms not related to prostatitis include:

· I constantly feel sort of an underlying feeling of tension / anxiety / fear / alertness that manifests itself in a certain rigidity of my posture, particularly in the lower abdomen and in the neck / shoulders and teeth. It also takes the form of a strange sensation in the abdomen that remains mild until something happens that abruptly "wakes it up", at which point it diffuses up the stomach and the throat, accompanied by a heart / breath stopping sensation, pretty much like the sensation I (and maybe other people as well) get when the plane I am on goes through an air pocket or I suddenly go down on a roller coaster or a similar amusement ride.

· When I feel embarrassed or in discomfort whilst interacting with others (generally strangers), I sweat and I really mean it: I can almost soak a shirt and I have brooklets going down my forehead. This is a major form for me and of course a truly embarrassing one: Fred knows how to do his job.

· When feeling anxiety / tension / fear /indecision, I hold my breath and / or contract / push out my abdominals, particularly the lower ones (pretty much as if I were defecating). Then I suddenly and powerfully exhale.

· If this anxiety / tension / fear /indecision is work-related, I generally arch over my laptop, pushing my head into my shoulders whilst doing the above.

· I chew my fingers in various situation, sometimes even when relaxing but always alone or with people I'm intimate with.

· I make abrupt, almost compulsive moves with my body (especially back, legs and neck) in an attempt to somehow regain the equilibrium / alignment / proper posture that I feel I've lost when many years ago I broke my left knee's ligaments whilst skiing in what I feel was a Fred-related incident.

Some of my forms related to prostatitis include:

· Reduced sexual lust and reduced prostate functionality. This is the major form and persists to this day, apart from a brief episode of relief I describe below.

· A feeling of numbness in the last part of the urethra when ejaculating. This is currently present. The potency of the ejaculation is reduced as is the quantity of semen expelled.

· Occasional itchy feeling in the last part of the urethra that can occur in various instances (before/after urinating, during the night or out of the blue)

· Occasional sensation of clogginess in the lower abdomen, right between the penis and the umbilicus.

· A subtle, constant pain which resembles the feeling of needing to urinate in the same area, which resurfaces in the last few days.

· Occasional testicular pain / heaviness / sensitivity.

I acknowledge that my prostatitis is positively correlated with stress and emotional issues. Last summer I get better and basically all symptoms disappear whilst gold stages a nice rally to 1800$/ounce They resurface as soon as the correction starts.

However, during my web searches, I stumble upon this site and I start corresponding with the author (an engineer-turned-biologist) and his theory on the infectious origin of prostatitis / BPH / prostate cancer resonates with me, as I start suffering from it after having unprotected sex with my girlfriend, who has a yeast infection (he postulates that a fungus-like microorganism is responsible for engendering the syndrome).

The research he presents seems sound to me and backed by experimental evidence. I also report a decrease in symptoms whilst / after taking various antifungal drugs (something I also do during the summer episode above).

I am appalled by his achievements and the amount of knowledge he has accumulated on the subject. He also shows great determination in pursuing his goal of having his theory taken seriously by the scientific "establishment." I feel belittled by his achievements: I would like to be capable of doing the same.

Finally, I want to relate a childhood episode: I am in my room reading a comic book in which the main character goes to great pains to conceal his true superhero identity, even to his family members. I recall that he feels (or seems to me to be feeling) both regret and pride for not being able to reveal who he really is.

Crying, I make the same commitment with great determination (of the kind that only are capable of):

I am never going to reveal my true feelings to anybody.

I am going to keep them hidden deep inside me, where nobody will be allowed to go. Shortly before this happens, I am in the living room being reprimanded by my parents. They're both there, but I can't recall whether it's my father or my mother who starts it (and then enlists the help of the other).

I suspect it's my mother. I can't recall the reason for the reprimand, but I clearly recall that it starts when I share something with them (maybe something I've done or I'd like to do or something I've been thinking about) that upsets them.

Since then, when my body involuntarily shows "negative" feelings and I am confronted by my parents with questions like "Are you OK?, "How do you feel?", "Is everything OK?", my default response is "I am tired".

With the passage of time, I start to truly feel the tiredness. I'd love to relive (I was almost going to write "relieve" and I am careful with my spelling) that episode, as I'm sure it was something minor after all, that elicited an out-of-proportion reaction from me (something routine for me).

I feel both resentment and understanding towards my parents: on the one hand I like the idea of them being responsible and somewhat "guilty" of this, on the other hand I understand that we all make mistakes and that they erred in good faith (or that maybe they had issues of their own), as they're wonderful parents who have given me much love and nurturing and some great examples to follow. This issue is in my mind somewhat related with the issue of "wanting acknowledgment".

Best,

P.S.

As soon as I press send, I realize I have not related any prostatitis forms or memories, but just symptoms.

I commit to investigate the area.

For now, I share that when I practice intimacy with my girlfriend or profoundly feel deep affection and love for her, I immediately fell aroused and my penis gets hard.

When I am overwhelmed by fears and worries over my work and over the fact that the markets do not act according to my instructions, I feel almost castrated, i.e. I do not feel any particular symptoms, but I simply notice the absence of any sexual desire.

This is the exact opposite of what I did before meeting my girlfriend, which was to medicate my anxiety with masturbation.

It may be that the love I feel for her does not allow me to use her as a distraction. I can only make love with her when I genuinely feel the desire.

The feelings I associate with prostatitis are impotency / lack of manliness, failure, discomfort, repression/holding back / "I want but can't", loneliness / stay put / isolated, self-commiseration.

When I ejaculate the main feeling is incompleteness of the process / lack of complete satisfaction.

Best,

April 3, 2013

Acknowledging Limits

Mr. Seykota,

I attempted to make a simple version of my study but ended up not as thorough as I would have liked. I did make some adjustments to my previous article and added an additional section. Please review attached article and feel free to use as necessary.

Best regards.

April 3, 2013

Mind Blowing

Wow, the contributors to this column are blowing my mind!

I stumbled into this rabbit hole while on a search to learn more about intimacy and authentic relatedness, and a few weeks later I'm exploring the difference between hope (future, maybe) and joy (now, for sure);

I'm exploring the difference between asking a direct question (demanding) and inviting a response to my wondering (sharing);

I'm following someone who's addicted to porn - on an amazing quest for connected, non-orgasmic sexual union;

I'm feeling happy to notice that I'm feeling sad;

I'm letting everybody just be who they are, even if I really wish they were some other way; WTF!!!

And you are all traders? Who knew? I wonder if it's something about trading, or whether would this be going on if Ed were a horticulturist, or a fireman.

I wonder if it's about Ed, or whether it is about some deep human need to share and connect that can be easily tapped by someone who isn't afraid.

All I know is, I'm not a trader, I'm not a man, and until a few weeks ago, I was fairly risk-averse and lived in my head. Well, I'm still not a trader and not a man, but a lot of other stuff has really changed for me. Wow, thanks to everyone for sharing.

April 3, 2013

Hopiate

Ed,

To me hope is one of the most important things in life. It's what keeps me happy and not depressed; it's what keeps me wanting to move forward in life and have something to look forward to. If we don't have hope, we lose all vitality for life.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal -- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV

Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.--
Romans 8:24-25

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. -- Hebrews 11:1

April 3, 2013

Now

Ed,

If there is only now, why do people get married? (I realize that is a why question but didn't know how to phrase it otherwise.) If there is only now, why do people make agreements and contracts?

Reminds me of a verse in the Bible: "for I know the plans I have for you, plans for you to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Mentioning why questions that guy in FAQ was talking about. The good thing about why questions that I see is that it shows an inquisitive mind.

April 3, 2013

Workshop Application

Dear Ed,

I commit to attending the 13-15 September Workshop.

I am enclosing my application form and the required essays.

I feel a variety of feelings.

I am fearful and anxious: I am afraid of flying and I deeply dislike the idea of interacting with TSA employees. I am afraid of failing. I am anxious at the idea of meeting you and I am somehow afraid of your judgment. I am especially afraid at the idea of upsetting the equilibrium, however sub-optimal, that I have achieved in my relationships (except with my girlfriend).

I feel happy and excited: I want to unlock my potential. I have plenty of ideas and interests, but I seldom achieve anything substantial, as I over think things and get entangled by my fears, doubts and anxieties. I am excited at the idea of bringing my relationships to a deeper level, particularly with my parents.

I feel determined and committed: I do not want to waste my life arching over my laptop, unable to push the "send" button for fear of this and fear of that. I do not want to waste my money playing out emotional drama in the markets. I do not want to look at other people (like Ricardo Semler or an engineer-turned biologist I recently contacted in relation to my prostatitis issue) and say: "They have achieved all this and I have nothing to show". I want to have kids and I want to give them the best and not load them with my emotional baggage.

I feel touched and deeply moved when thinking about the other participants. It takes courage to commit to changing oneself and I know it's not easy to complete this email and send it: it can take months or even years of internal struggle. I feel a rush of emotion and my eyes wet as I try to imagine the motives behind their decision to attend. I want to support them and help them to work through their issues.

I finally feel calm and complete the email. When I am finally ready to attend a workshop (I started reading your site in 2009), it appears.

I notice the Workshop registration page contains the word "Newcomer." I wonder whether you're following the as-of-lately-popular "commie" trend…

I also wonder what the 39th day is.

I feel a bout of anxiety and I look for distractions/ways to procrastinate.

I take a deep breath and push "Send".

Best,

April 3, 2013

Planning in the Now

Hi Ed,

I like your (now) clock. It is wonderful. I am understanding planning in the now and keeping the plan alive in the now.

I am planning on making a clock like yours. I am going to turn half the "now's" over on my clock as my mind reads "mon" for half your clock which is a great "Round to it" procrastinator clock -- half now half Monday and the right Monday never arrives.

Ha ha ha... In my life I have more ideas than I can possibly ever achieve, particularly painting ideas. I am learning to pick the projects I feel are the most important to me.

April 3, 2013

TTP Workshop - September 13, 2013

Dear Ed,

I would like to confirm these dates and also confirm that all other pertinent information stated on these pages, such as the venue, remains consistent with your intentions.

Thank you so much for hosting another; workshop, Breathwork and tribe.
I sense zeal and great deal of renewed energy coming through FAQ.

Best wishes.

April 3, 2013

EMDR

Ed,

I would love to hear more about how your readers are using EMDR (below) for their personal growth. Though I haven't read it yet, a new book by Francine Shapiro, written for the general public and titled Getting Past Your Past, has been well reviewed and explores how you can use DIM EMDR at home!

Cheers,

April 2, 2013

Intimacy-Centric Relationships

Ed,

Ed Says (previously): Sometimes DIM (the Do-It-Myself process) doesn't quite work out.

I am looking for a partner, to work this out together: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200908/another-way-make-love

April 2, 2013

Up and Down

Dear Ed,

I am really glad about FAQs running again.

Some entries run from up to down (March 1-15), some from down to up (March 22-31).

Best regards,

April 2, 2013

Breathwork Application

Hi Chief Ed,

I attach my application essay for the TTP Breathwork.

I am waiting for the book "Adventure of Self Discovery" by Dr. Stan Grof. I update you when I finish page 167-219. I already read some other his books.

I am also preparing the application for the workshop.

I thank you for your consideration.

April 2, 2013

EMDR

Ed,

Here are some pictures from last night. We are working on various interesting led projects and my mentor is helping me learn programming and board soldering. I'm working on fabricating the final product. Its called MR. ED's EMDR machine ;)

Maui Makers Group, Maui, HI

April 2, 2013

Moron Helping

Ed,

I am following with interest the thread on Helping, starting with The Shower Process and followed by Survival of the Fixer.

I was going to write about the several creatures that I killed in my attempts to help them while I was a volunteer wildlife rescuer, but now something much more personal, and painful, has come to mind, that makes those animal examples seem superficial by comparison.

When I married my husband almost thirty years ago, he had two sons in their twenties. The older son was the product (and precipitant) of a short-lived teenage marriage.

The relationship between father and son appeared to be friendly, but over the years it became apparent that there was a great deal of submerged resentment between them. I heard much more about my husband's complaints than I did his son's, and for many years kept urging my husband to talk it out so they could get past it. (He did write a letter but it was never acknowledged by his son.)

Eventually his son's participation in the ongoing drama became more obvious to me, and I stopped defending him to my husband and just wished things would be different.

After my husband became seriously ill, we (son and wife, husband and I) attempted to go on a short vacation together. Not surprisingly, as always happened when they were around each other for more than a few hours, father and son got into a major emotional, hurtful, hostile blowout. Son wanted me to take his side, but I was literally unable to speak (and I don't think it really would have mattered if I had).

After several months of no contact, we sent son and family a Christmas gift. By return mail, we got what I would call a 1-800-DON'T CARE gift.

For some reason, I felt I couldn't take the falseness and superficiality anymore.

I sent an email to the son and asked directly if he wanted to work on his relationship with his father. (I first showed it to my husband, who said, "I don't care what you do.").

Basically, the answer I received, after an outpouring of rage, accusations, resentment and pain, was "NO".

My husband started work on his own rage-full reply, which was never completed or sent before he died.

The relationship was permanently and irretrievably broken, thanks to my need to get feelings out of two people who were in no way willing and who had not asked for my intervention.

As I write this I have tears in my eyes and in my heart. This remains one of the few profound regrets of my life.

PS If you can, please use the title I have suggested for this piece, even though it may be harsher than what you would choose yourself. I think it is appropriate!

Sincerely,

April 1, 2013

Breathwork Application

Chief,

It is so nice to see you're back with us again.

Please find my breath-work application bellow.

I can't wait to see you again.

Sincerely,