August 10, 2013

High-Risk Trading

Hello Ed,

Thank you for your clear reply (July 6).

I also wonder if you know accounts which are consistently successful with such high unit risk percentages. I wonder the approximate maximum drawdown levels if you do so. Thank you :)

Sincerely,

Sat, Aug 10, 2013

Tribe Meeting Report

Hello Ed,

In our meetings; we mostly encourage HS's form, develop the forms for a while. Some of the forms bring a blissful state by itself. We force to include smiles to some of the forms which do not lead to a blissful state. Some other forms sometimes ​cease after a while and the HS continues with a completely different form.

We sometimes consider this situation as avoidance of the form and return to the form to force adding smiles. After a HS process, we usually discuss the issue of the HS and possible action (or no action) alternatives of the HS regarding the subject. We usually avoid naming feelings especially in the beginning of our meetings.

The results often include "following the same path with more ease", "having a slight change in the path thanks to having a clear mind". We release physical tension and obtain benefits such as clear thinking, ease in flow of life, softer and more fulfilling relationships with people, etc. While having these benefits, we observe no major development or change in our lives.

We also observe repeating forms. We have a history of having weak rocks process trials in which we "freeze" the form and the HS remembers no particular early events. After these trials we turn back to our traditional way of applying TTP.

Tribe Meeting Report:

We are 3. We intend to apply rocks process after studying FAQ since our previous meeting. We begin by briefly discussing the process details. One of the receivers acts as PM/receiver.

I take the first HS. My issue is that I feel really "bad" about the path of my life. My day job is not going as I expect. Trading is not going as I expect. Theoretical system floats around the theoretical maximum drawdown level while the actual account floats slightly above thanks to some lucky tricks. I don't know where to stop. We (with my wife) define a drawdown level to stop and still it doesn't help. Anyway, I feel "really bad" and eager to express this tension in terms of forms.

I start showing some forms on the ground. My eyes are closed. My arms, legs, head, almost every part of my body is involved in the form. Moves are smaller in the beginning and get bigger afterwards. Receivers are especially helpful during this development.

After developing the form for a while, I have occasional thoughts of "should we freeze the form here?", "how do I feel if we freeze here" while I continue to intensify the form. As I develop the form, I feel a relief and "bad" feelings go away. I observe in myself that the more I develop the form, the more I feel "better".

After a while, as my moves are really big, the PM says freeze and commands me to remember an earlier event. We pause for a while and I remember no particular events. Then I start another activity after deliberately thinking about my issue again. We try 2 similar freeze points with the same result.

I still feel some tension and declare that I want to start again and this time I want it to go wherever it goes -without freezing-. I go into a more intense set of forms and it takes me to laughter with receivers' support. I feel lighter and peaceful.

After staying in this position for a while, we talk about my issues. My friends comment on some details. Sometimes they suggest different attitudes for certain type of events. I feel a slightly different perception about the events. For example; regarding trading, after reaching to the theoretical MDD point it is reasonable to determine a maximum limit for drawdown and stop if the account reaches there. Before the hot seat process, I do this and I am still not clear. After the process, I do this and I can much more easily continue trading. We take a break after 10-15 minutes of conversation.

After my process:

My peaceful state lasts during the day and partly the next day. The day after, I again feel exactly the same "bad" and this time the situation is slightly different. I wonder ​ what is​ the message behind this feeling​ and I am​ willing to explore the feeling with meditation, taking notes, stopping for a while etc.

In the following days, I make different decisions regarding my plans and vision. I still feel bad and keep exploring. During the same days I realize some cracks in our assumptions for our short term trading model. I prepare a small presentation including all the affecting factors, including the new numerical assumptions in the model and estimating the possible effects of the other things.

Result: We immediately stop trading short term. Then, my "bad" feeling simply disappears. I make different plans and keep working on them. I feel the lightness of not trading the first time after more than 5 years.

I intend to write my comments on the other processes after my friends submit their own reports. I believe that this can be a motivating element and serve as a supportive present for their willingness to submit their own reports.

We are looking forward for your comments in wonder. Thank you.

Best regards,

August 10, 2013

Intimacy Centric Wedding - Texas Style

Ed,

I can already see some advantages to living in Texas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=
2ak7FODKqwo&feature=player_embedded

Fri, Aug 10, 2013

Readiness

Hi Chief,

I am wandering between Disappearance Process and AHAs, seeing the light of changes Rock Process can bring.

I notice some tribe members shun away from moving forward to changing rocks and stop attending meetings, while some other stays on the course.

So it intrigues me to rethink various intentions people carry when approaching a tribe. It also lead me to exam my willingness to change. Intention equals result.

If I can not run successful Rock Process in the tribe and attract members active participating, that means something is wrong in myself.

Thanks,

August 8, 2013

Tribe Meeting Report:
Improvements in Trading and Marriage

The Trading Tribe

Dear Ed:

I am having multiple aha's since the tribe meeting.

I recall a time when I was about 28 and I was in the back seat of a car. There were 3 other people in the car and they were very intoxicated.

I felt fear that I might die as the car driver drove like a maniac through San Francisco. After that time, I stopped drinking and there were other changes in my behavior. This aha came from observing another tribe member who had a similar experience.

My trading is going well - effortless with no drama. I am a discretionary trader and I remember and execute my rules. In the past, I would forget my rules and create drama. The aha is that loss of memory is the fuel for dramas. In the past, I would keep reading my rules, and could not figure out why I would forget them while trading. Nothing I did worked back then. However, now I recall the rules effortlessly.

My wife is going through a difficult time. I ask her what she is feeling. Nothing much happens then, but about 8 hours later - she says the question I caused resulted in her
going back to her childhood and she has an aha moment.

Thank you for creating the tribe process and engaging us in this development - I really appreciate it.

August 8, 2013

Birthday Wish

Hi, dear Ed,

When two close numbers, such as 6 and 7, indicate an age, they are the image of one foot behind the other. Their meaning is "a journey that begins," so the best way to make a wish is to wait for the day after the birthday party, on the road, to celebrate the start with the pilgrim.

Just a little tale, maybe a lie, but I'm here one day later, to tell you: "have a good adventure, my friend, and don't go so far that I can't reach you tomorrow".

Best wishes again, Ed, from my heart...

Aug 7, 2013

Trading System

Hey Ed,

I just finished a MATLAB program that simulates the "Simple EMA Crossover" system on your website, and was able to confirm all of your trade metrics with my results.

I'm curious if you'd like to see the MATLAB code, or some kind of output from the system (I was thinking of showing a graph of daily closing prices along with circles placed at each entry and exit point to get a visual representation of the system).

Also, I'm thinking of expanding this study to include short entries, but was curious if you had any other ideas or work you need done for other studies.

Thanks,

Aug 7, 2013

Readiness

Hi Chief,

I realize that when members join a tribe, they have different level of readiness. Some might want to drug themselves with Disappearance Process, some might want to know their direction by getting Aha, and some might want to fix their case by Rock Process.

Thanks,

August 7, 2013

Happy Birthday

Ed,

A very happy birthday to you! Hope your day is great and you take the chance to stop and smell the roses. How is life on the ranch?

Still hope to get out there soon to offer you a flight around it from the air. I finally bought a plane and have been doing a fair amount of flying lately.

Have decided to pull back some of my funds from [Fund]. I am down about 47% since 2010 when I first invested. Would appreciate hearing your thoughts on that and any advice you might have in general. Let me know if you have a chance to talk anytime soon.

Best,

August 7, 2013

Tribe Meeting: Feelings of Trading

Hi Ed,

At our last TTP meeting the hot seat presented the emotional distress of trading. As I listened to him list the effects all this was having on the rest of his life, I was stuck with how cruel this process can be.

And yet it is not the markets themselves that cause the pain, but a trader's inexperience with dealing with uncertainty and change. All the old stories from childhood creep in when there is a loss, causing a trader to abandon his system.

My heart went out to him and I knew there was really nothing I could do for him. It is just something everyone has to deal with and either they stick it out or they don't.

Also, what I have noticed is that everyone sees the market in a unique way and designs their systems according to how they process what they see.

I almost think a beginning trader would be better served if they abandoned the idea of making money right away and approached their work as research and development.

Emotional stability, system design and execution take time to refine.

I hope everyone hangs in there….all the best to everyone willing to take up this amazing business, hope you get to the other side!

August 7, 2013

Connecting with the Kids

Dear Ed,

I hope your birthday has been a joy-filled one! Blessings and well wishes!

My children and I are driving home from [Vacation Place] tomorrow after a great vacation here, although the weather has been somewhat disappointing — quite cold, rainy, overcast most of the time, so our stay here has been more quiet time inside rather than out enjoying the lake.

That brings its own blessings, and it is certainly a nice contrast to the [Home City] heat, so that is a blessing which we do not take for granted.

But we are looking forward to getting home and resuming a more normal routine and life. [My wife] flew to [City] on Tuesday for a business meeting and then home today, so I'll be driving home without a driving partner.

It will go slower than our trip up, where we drove through the night and made the 24 hours of driving in 26 hours! I'm looking forward to spending the time with the kids.

First destination stop: Lego store in the Mall of America in Minneapolis. When I told [my son] about that plan, he exclaimed "Dad! You just made my YEAR!"

It is a beautiful drive.

August 7, 2013

Tribe Report: Family Dynamics

Ed,

Here is the rest of the story! Thanks!

We have our check in with the original 4 founding members. I feel a little down because an experienced member and a new member did not show up. I was wondering may be my last report was too explicit and the new member feel uncomfortable? May be it is just me feeling uncomfortable writing the details.

The chief assured us the experienced member has much on his plate, he cannot come because he is preparing for his various certificate examines.

# Failed attempt as Process Manager

A member check in with feelings of wanting to hide, to go away to a deep dark place to avoid all stimuli. We asked him to amplify this feeling. I volunteered to be the process manager, curious if it is trading related, the first question I asked was when do you feel it?

I was reminded the question was pursuing a story instead of helping to intensify the feeling. That dented my confidence but I continued with the help of the tribe encouraging the HS to amplify his feelings, he did deep breathing, close his eyes, sometimes shut his eyes tight, then he lie down on the floor covering both his eyes.

I was not able to feel if the HS has filled his whole body with the feeling and if it was the right time to ask him to freeze it and start the process of associating an early childhood experience with the same feeling. I requested a more experienced member to be take over as the process manager.

# The First Scene

The HS is in bed, his parents are quarrelling and the drying machine is running making noise, he cannot sleep, he covered his ears and just wanted all that noise to stop, he wanted to leave. Why do they have to run the drying machine in the middle of the night?

The PM asked if he would like to re-enact the scene, he said no. So we went back to amplify the feeling again.

# FAQ comes to the rescue

The hot seat was lying on the floor with hands raised covering both of his eyes, saying it is a very comfortable position and he doesn't want to move. He say he doesn't want to go on and the PM asked him to amplify / feel the feeling of doesn't want to go on.

Then seeing the HS would not move, the PM says I know what Ed would do, he would let the HS sleep and the tribe go off to do something else until the HS is ready to proceed.

We all had read the FAQ and enjoyed the similarity of the current process and what was described in the FAQ. The HS related a FAQ where HS went out for a drive then come back to continue the process. And that is OK.

# The Biggie

The HS decided to go on and related another scene earlier in his teen years.

The parents was having a loud, yelling match, Mom leaves, HS goes to the barn to take care of the animals. When he came back, his Dad confronted him, blaming him for causing the argument between him and his wife.

The HS identified this as the critical scene - the Biggie. We re-enacted the scene and HS agreed that it was what happened.

# Receiving and For-giving back the medicinal rocks

His current medicinal rock included getting angry and various avoidance behavior. We explored the source of the medicinal rock, and concluded it as his parents. He decided that the medicinal rocks is not working out so well and wanted some new rocks.

We re-enacted the receiving and for-giving of the medicinal rocks. Dad gave HS the medicinal rock: To be a man you need to act like a man, show some courage, you need to be angry, be controlling, put people in their places. Mom gave HS the medicinal rock: to deal with the pain, you shut down, leave and hide, don't feel and you won't get hurt. It works for me and my mother!

The HS calmly for-give back the rocks to the parents, telling his father he just do not like the way he bully Mom or other people, and he would have to find other better ways!

He also pointed out that contrary to Mom's claim, the medicinal rocks doesn't work for Mom nor for Grandma!

# The New Rock

The tribe contributed the following to the new rock:

. Ask permission to share your feelings.

. Express your feelings. That when the parents quarrel, you feel very sad, that it really bothers you, you wanted to hide, you wanted everything to stop!

. Incorporate an anger management technique to cool off by counting to 10, or take a whole minute, before speaking when you feel angry. Then express you feeling with words like you feel being picked on etc.

. Retain the angry, walk away responses for the 5% situations where such response is appropriate.

Then we re-enacted the new scene with HS having the new rock.

# In-roll check-in

Dad: He is happy to see HS able to control his anger by counting to 10 and then calmly express himself.

Mom: Thanked the HS for trying to protect her, and was proud of HS's new communication skills, that he was able to claim down his father by sharing of feelings.

Sister: Respected HS for being his own man and tried to stand up to his father. Thanked HS for taking the heat off her. She tried to stay out of trouble by offering to cook after Mom left.

# Anything is possible and never too late in the Rock's process

Sister commented that it would have been perfect if the parents made up at the end.
We agreed and so the parents made up, and we became a happy family!

# Final thoughts

This hot seat process gives me insight into my own family dynamics, it closely mirror what happened in my family. Except my younger brother is in the roll of the HS and I am the sibling that tried to stay on the good side of the angry father, and there is a sympathetic sister too!

August 7, 2013

28 Day Cycle

Ed,

I wonder if Donchian ever thought about 28 days menstrual systems or 28 days moon systems while creating trading systems.

Aug 7, 2013

Birthday Wish

Hi Ed,

Wish you a Happy Bday.

Take the opportunity to say thank you for the contribution you are making in my life with all the inspiration and wisdom from FAQ and your resources page.

Looking forward to meeting you at the September TT Workshop.

Wed, Aug 7, 2013

Birthday Note

Hi Ed,

Happy Birthday!

I associate Birthdays with gifts, and I want to thank you for sharing your gifts with me.

I accomplish a long list of amazing things since I first join your Tribe, and to top it all off, I'm a portfolio manager for almost a year now, and love it!

The technology you share helps me learn to recognize, instead of succumb to, patterns of behavior that keep me from Right Livelihood.

The positive influence you have on my relationship with my wife and my two little boys improves our lives immeasurably.

I feel inspiration to share these gifts as best as I can.

Sincerely,

Wed, Aug 7, 2013

Tribe Report

Dear Ed,

TTP is really powerful! I am really amazed by the intensity of the whole process and I can clearly see "magic" happening,in the way the members' issues interrelate.

I feel some resistance to reporting all this enthusiasm as in "don't get too excited".

During our last meeting I feel we all achieve a lot. In the beginning I feel nervous and I feel under pressure when trying to define my issue in front of the tribe. I also feel less out of place when I see that other members share the same difficulty.

I also feel I learn a lot from the "Q&A" time with a member who shares his desire to have a more intimate relationship with a woman.

Then, one member goes on the hot seat and gets into some tense forms that he associates to being in school and scared by the nuns who run it. We role play the events and whilst all role players volunteer for their role, I get chosen by HS to play the role of a child who gets violently shaken by one of the nuns: I feel nervous at the moment and it now seems to me that HS somehow picks me as I might have associating issues.

All I know is that when I get shaken I feel outright terror and shutting down/feeling paralyzed. All I can do is look the nun in her eyes, barely being able to hear what she's screaming, hoping everything ends asap.

I am overwhelmed, in a kind of paralyzing trance, I am scared as hell: this is no role play, the feeling is real!

When HS shares with me his feelings,I get his message. We're both scared, we have to make the best out of it. It's not an ideal situation: the best thing to do is to avoid getting into trouble.

I do not like the rules and I feel there's no proportion between what I do (do not stand in line) and the violent, terrifying punishment I get. But that's the way it is. When we role play again, I still get the feeling of not wanting to stand in line, but as soon as I see the angered nun coming closer to me I get an awful feeling of terror in my chest, a sudden icy pain as if I had a thousand pins in my lungs.

I immediately rush to the line and stand there, hoping I've managed to avoid the punishment. What I get out of this is that TTP does not turn painful feelings into an explosion of joy, but rather that it can teach us to act on such feelings more promptly to avoid actual drama and even more pain.

The second HS touches me deeply and I strongly feel that I want to be the messenger.
When I have to give him the rock I feel nervous and concerned: I feel the moment is delicate and I want to make sure that HS feels the strong support of the Tribe and the profound love that comes with the heart rock.

During the process I also feel strongly that the touching the "mother" does is inappropriate. I get a similar, if weaker feeling when she apologizes for an unrelated event over the phone. I can't quite get around to it until I read this on FAQ "insensitive mothering by women who want to look like good mothers rather than establish rapport with their babies".

It hits me powerfully. So much so that I immediately get into a powerful drama with my girlfriend, that then disappears when we communicate strong feelings and also acknowledge the existence of some common drama (like "I can't be happy").

I acknowledge my resentment towards the mother and the feeling of wanting to hurt her by showing her that I see through her games and I do not fall for them (but I wonder: does she actually see through them or not?).

Anyway,the bizarre thing is that I relate better with my parents. I am more open and straightforward and less fearing. I meet them just after my drama dissipates and I express my clear intention of wanting to be a trader.

I am ready to be a trader for my own account or continue managing the family fund. I express that I am OK with both possibilities and that I encourage them to be honest, since otherwise I fear that false support might show up negatively in my trading. After initially getting upset and confused at all my father's questions I express my confusion and my dad openly shares that that's his way of expressing his own fears and confusion and after that I really feel his fear and I happily listen to all his questions and answer them honestly, even when I do not have an answer or feel unprepared, without the need to look good.

The end result is that we have a conscious, open and supportive agreement for me to manage the fund that includes a specific uncle point. It also seems to me that for the first time my mum actually accepts my job choice, whereas in the past she really didn't support it.

There is so much more to report and I feel that I cannot even begin to consciously realize all that's going on. I just feel it works incredibly well, for whatever reasons. I cannot analyze it all and I am happy about it!

I also wonder how much more drama there is in my life (probably a staggering amount) ... and I still feel very nervous about discovering it!

I chuckle thinking that TTP really is some bizarre stuff: a sort of self-imposed torture whose results make me yearn for more, although the process doesn't get any more pleasurable.

I confirm my intention of skipping the September 5 meeting, as I feel that with all the back and forth flying I wouldn't get enough recovery before attending the workshop and then the breathwork.

I feel some kind of tension /anticipation before pressing send.

Best,

Aug 7, 2013

Moving Toward Intimacy

Ed,

After waking up and reading some FAQ entries one catches my Fred. It is about a man who is day trading and struggles to make money. Your response mentions drug / alcohol abuse and avoiding right livelihood causes feelings to well up, so i go with it.

After experiencing my typical forms i wind up in a semi fetal position as i write i realize similar to the one i couldn't fully realize while driving. I feel intense sadness and then anger which is followed by a feeling of a mouth FULL of water, i struggle to keep it in and just stop (in hindsight i feel the importance of having the tribe to encourage you to keep feeling).

This set of feelings i am familiar with not being able to express myself and shutting down have been in my arsenal for as long as i can remember. I don't want them anymore.

Thank you

Aug 7, 2013

Communicates with Wife

Ed,

Since becoming an adult i have had increasing anxiety. With my decision to relocate to [City] happening quickly and with little planing there has been an increase in anxiety and drama between myself and my wife who is not accompanying me for right now.

I feel my anxiety make all time highs. So i experience my feelings about the situation. While driving i experience many forms that end in an emotional outburst similar to a young child receiving his first spanking. I let out a scream expressing emotional hurt and disbelief ... why are you doing this to me what have i done? I ask.

This episode releases a lot of tension and anxiety. I share this with my wife and we have conversations about hers as well as my childhood, something she says she wishes i would share more of. I feel closer to her and feel our marriage is strong.

I resolve to keep feeling my feelings and look forward to joining a tribe again and doing the work.

Aug 7, 2013

New Houston Tribe

Hey Ed,

After considering the idea for a couple of days, I've decided I would like to start a new Houston Trading Tribe chapter.

I'm excited about the possibility of growing and helping others grow personally and professionally. I have attached the TTID document with my information, and will await further instruction.

Thanks,

Aug 7, 2013

Pollinating

Hi Chief,

We are setting up a TT meeting this coming Sunday. This is the 2nd meeting of our summer session.

I am glad to share and apply what I learn in Austin Tribe meeting and pass it on to more members.

Thank you,

Wed, Aug 7, 2013

Birthday Clips

Ed,

You might like these

Robert Shaw Chorale - Whiffenpoof Song

Boogie Wooge Duet

Tue, Aug 6, 2013

His Son Wins

Hi Chief,

Recently I see quite a few trend reversal signals, my son beats me on Ping Pong first, and I have to pay 120 percent attention to keep up; And He beats me on free style in the pool today. He is only ten. I wonder whether he is getting bullish too soon, or I am due for bearish move.

I feel good swimming today though. I miss that feeling for long time. Somehow I feel connections between low stamina and low achievement. I think I might need to lay out a plan to get back in shape, something I can bring to the Tribe.

Thanks,

Tues, Aug 6, 2013

Running Late

Dear Ed,

I apologize for the lateness of my report on our Tribe meeting of July 17, 2013.

The tribe chief expresses feelings of needing a break from TT. He also expresses feeling anxiety prior to the meeting and wanting everything to go smoothly (he mentions this in check-in at several prior meetings)

A consensus of members to increase our TT meetings to every 3 weeks instead of once a month with a break over the holiday season is the resulting agreement.

Sadness is expressed at the loss of a member who makes a long commute. A new member from the last meeting is not present as well. We are the 4 core members meeting tonight. Last meeting HS relates improving relationships with son and feelings of unexpected support from daughter.

The chief agrees to a hot seat / rocks process. It progresses to a point then he feels intense shutting down with hands covering his face while lying passively on the floor. He does not want to go further. The tribe supports/receives him in his shutting down process. He is encouraged to go deeper into the feeling of shutting down.

HS relates this is a pattern from childhood from fights between his parents. His pattern is to shut down and go away in various ways from the conflicts. (run away from home, go to the barn to be with a pig he raises, go work on cars in garage).

And he also acts as a scape goat to take the anger/heat of his father off his mother and siblings. A fight scene is reenacted of his parents and him with volunteers. Once again the HS proclaims the reenactment is very true of what his parents would fight about.

A rocks process takes place where the HS forgives back the rocks of running away/leaving to his mother and explosive anger/drinking to his father. Asking for willingness to share feelings with his parents is one of the proactive rocks he takes with him from this meeting.

Tue, Aug 6, 2013

Partial FAQ Submittal

Hi Ed,

I was working on the Faq submittal, but lost momentum to finish. I decided to sent this to you first and complete the remaining report by our next TTP meeting, which is tomorrow!
;-)


Results of last month's Modified Rocks Process

Due to time constrain, we deviated from the normal process by skipping the receiving and for-giving of the medicinal rocks.

Last month's hot seat reported that there was improvement of the relationship between him and his son. The son did something out of character, he asked if he could help with more work that he has completed his job.

We asked the HS if he has implemented some of the other items on his new rock, he said not yet, but he is working on it.

The hot seat also noticed improvement in his relationship with his daughter.

It appears the modified rocks process does work! But I am wondering if it would have worked even better if we have time to include the receiving and for-giving of the medicinal rocks.

Tue, Aug 6, 2013

Helpers and Helpees

Dear Ed,

I want to add (again!) to my report on the aftermath of my recent experience of "helping" in my Tribe meeting. As I previously report, the AHA's seem to be proliferating and I want to share them.

If you would ask me before today if I see myself as codependent, I would have said most emphatically, "NO!". I now see that I base this mostly on my professional relationships, where I have been honing my boundary skills for years, and on most personal relationships outside of those closest to me.

The area where my codependency is coming into the full light of day, now that I am acting it out in the supportive environment of the Tribe, is in my relationships with men.

My father was emotionally constricted but not "needy" in the sense of being unable to care for us. I adopt the role of "helper" by being good in school, his side-kick in his workshop, his "go-fer" on projects, and generally trying to do whatever it is I determine that he wants me to do.

The fact that my mother seems emotionally unavailable to me just heightens my need to enact this role with him.

In my subsequent relationships with men, I carry on this pattern. It actually makes me a great "partner" in the sense of pulling my weight (usually more than my share) and providing support and encouragement.

But when it comes to expressing my feelings or asking for something I need that might not fit with the man's needs, I feel very uncomfortable, almost frightened. Usually, I solve that by just not doing it. In the past, I have chosen men who are just fine with that.

It's funny how I can see the codependency in the contributor who writes about his fear of being alone and his need for unconditional support to allow him to feel safe. What I haven't seen is the way that fits perfectly into the codependency of the helper. I have come up with a formula to describe these two complementary issues:

(Helper): If you need me, you won't leave me.

(Helpee): If I keep needing, you'll keep feeding.

As in the cartoon you chose to illustrate codependency, this attitude guarantees that you can make sure you won't ever be alone by making sure you find someone to join you in the dance of "one-ness".

Yuck! But I wonder how you can tell where to draw the line between"normal" helping and codependent helping.

Best wishes,

Tue, Aug 6, 2013

Wants to Join Houston Tribe

Ed,

Feel free to pass my name and email along to the guy/gal who'd like to setup a Houston tribe.

I'm willing.

(Internally: Wonder-How-I'm-Gonna-Do-It, Don't-Wanna-Look-Clumsy-Awkward-In-Front-Of-Strangers, maybe-I-Shouldn't-Send-This, Oh-Just-Forget-About-It-And-Start)

Separately, reading FAQs has helped me begin to better define specific problems and clarify what I'd like to accomplish at the TTP workshop. I'll update my essay soon and re-send it to you.

Tue, Aug 6, 2013

Tribe Report; Honors His Wife

Dear Ed:

I felt good when the Tribe meeting started. When we were drumming my mind was confused as to whether I was following or leading.

I let myself feel confused and kept on drumming.

In the last meeting I agreed to receive my wife's feelings. She feels unimportant. I have my anniversary coming up. I had told my wife I would be at the Tribe meeting and we would celebrate our anniversary the next day.

I see that I am making her less important than the tribe. I change this and decide to miss the next tribe meeting to spend time with my wife.

As we went around - many of the members were not hot enough to be on the hot seat. One of the members was not happy about his job, but was not taking action. In the hot seat, he traced it back to his childhood when he was in school and the nuns were very strict. He felt frozen when he observed others getting into trouble. He had developed a strategy of staying low from his mother. The tribe worked on developing resources so that the member could share his feelings with other students and with the nuns.

The next hot seat started out with a member complaining his throat was hurting a little bit, but it might have to do with self expression. Interestingly my throat had suddenly started hurting during the prior hot seat and then vanished during this hot seat. That was very unusual.

As the member got into their form - they were suddenly transported into their birth which was very traumatic and there was feces everywhere. The baby after this trauma is suddenly alone as the mother passes out. The member shows strong physical reactions and we have to get a bowl for them to vomit and spit. They cough and spit with high intensity.

The next event the member remembers is being on a bus and bad shape after doing drugs at a concert. At the concert the member was not feeling good but did the drugs anywhere as he felt pressure to be part of the group. On the bus, the member starts feeling scared and fearful of the his friends and asks them to stop so he can walk back to his house. At the house, he calls his mother for support and asks his mother to"Please tell me I am OK, I feel really bad, I just need to hear you tell me that I am OK". The mother responds with no sympathy or empathy "No you are not OK"

We work on getting the member new resources to express themselves and share their feelings with their friends and mother. The member experiences several AHAs and says they never connected all these events together.

This hot seat is the hottest seat I have ever experienced.

I feel good about the work we do in the tribe. I will miss the next meeting but look forward to reading about it in FAQ.

Aug 5, 2013

Tribe Report: Helping by Not Helping

Dear Ed,

I am moved by the passion and openness of recent contributors. I want to follow up on my own report on the Tribe process in which I insist on "helping" the Hot Seat and end up diverting his process. The fact that anything useful comes out of it for him is a bonus, because I easily could have done harm.

I feel like I am in a room that is completely dark; I stumble around, banging into furniture and breaking things. Suddenly, a light comes on (AHA?) and I wonder why I couldn't see all of this before. I look around the room and see the damage I have done in my stumbling. In this case, your response to my post helps me to better understand how my actions prevented a deeper working through of core issues for HS. (And, I hope, what not to do next time!)

I feel embarrassed, but not mortified or ashamed. I feel appalled, since I know better, or at least I thought I did. I am not judging myself, but I regret depriving HS and the rest of the Tribe of a more powerful experience. I wonder what they all are thinking, but I know they are not judging me either.

As for my learning, it feels almost exponential: each new awareness hits me like a "rock" and then rebounds into another part of myself. I believe the loneliness and desolation that HS expresses must hit such a chord in me that I temporarily lose my mind and my boundaries. I feel disoriented and confused, like I am walking around in an altered state of consciousness. From my vantage point now, I am shocked that I thought what I did with HS is helpful.

This morning, in my work in psychotherapy sessions, people who normally do not express a lot of emotion seem to be overflowing with it.

I have the uncomfortable but amusing awareness that I have no idea what to "do" to "help" them! So I just go where they go. One even gets angry at me and I feel happy, encouraging her to tell me more.

I notice I am becoming more relaxed in my work; I am not trying to make an impression. I feel I am becoming more helpful by putting a stop to my helpfulness.

While there is a certain romance to the idea of being the Lone Ranger or Florence Nightingale, the image of Clarabelle the Clown interrupting the chamber music stings me. Pass the seltzer, please!

Yours truly,

Clarabelle the Clown No Talk - All Action

http://rhodeislandread.blogspot.com/2010/04/h-is-for-hannah.html

Mon, Aug 5, 2013

Wants a Tribe in Houston

Ed,

I'm curious if you know anyone who is interested in setting up a trading tribe in Houston. I emailed [Name] who ran the previous chapter in Houston, however he informed me that they are no longer meeting on a regular basis.

Thanks,

Mon, Aug 5, 2013

Tribe Report: Social Back Testing

Hi Chief,

On the flight back from Tribe, I still think of the dynamics and the structure of the drama in the tribe meeting. I notice the role play and sharing feeling collapses the entire drama, even stop it from start in the last episode. It not only changes the member who is on the hot seat in the role play facing a yelling teacher, it may also changes me , who role play the teacher, in a unconscious level.

We start to check in feelings. I say after drumming I feel less nervous. But I still feel a little congestion in my chest, some stiffness in my shoulder and weakness in my palms. When each member check in what he wants to achieve, I arbitrarily pick one of my medicinal rocks in my check list. I say when people blame me and I feel they are wrong, I tend to raise my voice. I hope I can communicate myself in a good manner. Other tribe members check in more specific goals, like to find a job with higher pay and fewer work hours, to start a romance relationship with a lady, etc.

Ed writes down the goals for each member to track the progress. Ed comments that what's between us and our goals are feelings, and the the Tribe helps member to work on these feeling and bring goal to reality. He says if you communicate well with people your feelings and what you want, you can see that actually people want to help you and they want you to succeed.

Then Ed asks who is hot. Some members volunteer. One member says he want to change his job. He is software professional and he wants to move to a job to work more with people and less coding or analyzing. But he finds that he does not know exactly what he want and doing nothing with no progress. He gets on to the hot seat.

Ed asks him if he knows specific what kind of job he want to move to, or he just doesn't like his current job. Member shakes his head and says he doesn't know. Tribe gets him started into various forms, rubbing his thighs, bending over, pushing elbows on his knees and wave hands to the left and right. When his forms get to maximum, Ed says "Freeze!".

Client freeze and keep his muscle tight. Ed asks him to tighten his muscles 10 times as usual. Client bends over, reach both hands out to the left and right, straighten his fingers. Ed asks him what he recalls. Client says he see himself in a parochial school. He can never be himself or states want he wants in the school. Ed ask him if he can recall critical incident make him feel this way. Client says once in recess, he see a nun shaking a kid violently, whom doesn't stay in the line. He feels terrified and shuts down. Client also see another incident, when in the class a student reaches him to chat with him, the sister catch him and yell at the other student, the client feels terrified again and shuts down.

Ed then ask him if he want's to role play this or he wants to quit. Client says yes. The tribe exam his willingness. Every member express that they don't believe the client really want to work on his drama. The client insists.

Tribe proceed with role play and of course I play the yelling nun. The first episode is the mean sister shaking the student who does not stay in line. The client watch the happenings. In the second episode, one member plays another student and goes to chat with him in the class. At first I don't know what to yell and how to keep the drama going, Tribe encourage me to get into my role and the client tells me he wants to see me show my anger.

I start to yell at top of my lungs and quickly get into my feeling. During the role play, I recognize I am yelling at the client exactly as the same way I yell at my children and my wife. When I check in my issue during the check-in circle, I don't think I am hot. It's just one of my many issues in my tribe work checklist. But it amazes me how easy I get into the forms and how powerful, and horrifying voice I can make toward my family and people I relate to. I never feel I can do role play and it's interesting I naturally fit into this drama. During break, Ed explain to me how people fit each other in their own drama. I start to realize the profound effect of Rock Process. It is like a social back testing system.

Another member plays the rock donor and tells him it's good to stay low below the radar and suppress himself. She hands him a flat rock to present staying low. Then Ed asks him if he wants to lay down the rock. The client does so. The messenger then hand him a heart rock, tell him a new resource to share his feeling to the people in the drama.

In the next round, Ed wants the tribe to play the two drama at the same time to give the client the most pressure. When I yell at the student and deliver my tirade, the client starts to try to talk to me. I talk to him in a threatening tone, "what is your problem?". The client tells me that he feel scared. I go blank. I don't know how to handle this. Ed reminds the client to share feeling and not to blame. I realize that I terrify the kids and feel sorry about it. I feel desire to apologize and I do so. The client then start to share feelings with all parities. During the sharing feelings, Ed points out that when someone shares his feelings with you, responding with words such as "perfect" is judgmental. Say "thank you" instead. This sounds like the real time application of the sending and receiving exercise in The Trading Tribe book.

Then we decide to run the drama again. Before start, I am thinking of how I respond when the client communicate his feeling with me again. When I see the students chat, somehow I can't start yelling, I feel I failed. Then I tell myself watch him again, and yell when he talks again. Somehow the student no longer talks. Everybody look at me and wait me to start yelling and I just can't start. I realize that the hotseat client's action of sharing his feelings with the chatting student changes the student and he is more willing to obey rules. Actually the client's pro-active sharing feeling stops the drama from even getting started. It breaks links and collapses the structure of the drama. Everyone in the tribe are amazed by the power of the process.

The second day on the flight back home, I realize that the client's action not only changes the other students, it might also changes me. Before the process, my response pattern is "feeling anger, and yell", and during the last role-play, my response unnoticed changes to "feeling anger, watching for confirmation, then yell". Such wait and watch changes the history. As a person with a short fuse, the introduction of the "watch" can be a huge change in my life. I feel grateful for the hot seat member's willingness to work on his own issue, and ending by " changes the school", and "changes me".

The second hot seat client starts with a feeling on his throat. Tribe get him into vigorous forms. He press both of his hands on his throat, cough hard, slouch on the sofa. He then cover his forehead with both hands, rub his head backward, arch back and stomp on the ground. He later realizes he is reliving the experience through the birth canal during his child birth. He feels he is stuck there. His mouth is full of feces, urine and terrible stuffs. He can't get them out. He sneezes loud and cough deeply. A tribe member gets a barf bucket for him and he gets lots of mucus out. Then he yells "what is that smell". He obviously is suffering from some bad smelly felling during his childbirth. He then realize it's the drug smell. He shows helpless, trying to get out of there and stuck. He says nobody help me. He later tells the tribe his mom is under general anesthesia by some drugs during the delivery, which leaves him struggle for his own birth by himself during the lengthy birth process. He feels trapped, deep sadness, helpless and panic. Tribe encourage him go deep into his process.

Later he recalls another incident when he is in his 30s. Once he goes to a music concert with friends and during the concert, they pass some smoke to him. He gets high. When he drives home with friends, he feels smell of the drug and he gets panic and fear. He stops at a gas station and then ask his friends to drive his car and leave himself to walk home. That night a 2 AM, he calls his mom. He says " I just need someone to tell me I am OK". But his mom says "No, you are not OK" and stop the conversation. He shuts down.

The client then realize that these two incidents are deeply connected. He is experiencing a re-run of the child birth drama after he gets high with his friends and resort to his mom. The feeling or smell of the drug reminds him of the special smell of the drug he experiences at his childbirth trauma, and he starts to act out of projection in his interaction with his friends, and then his Fred even brings his mom into the drama to show him the clue. Tribe ask him if he wants to role play the concert drama. He says yes. 4 of us plays the friends smoking joint. One friend hand him the smoke. Another member plays the rock donor, who is his grandfather, tells him that it works better following peers, and do what they do, when his mom refuses to help, it's good to just shutdown.

Then the messenger offers him a new rock, tell him the sharing feeling and saying no can be his option. The Tribe restart the role play, and when the friend hand him the smoke, he express his feeling of not wanting to do it and thanks for the offer. And the result of his refusal is that the friends even don't care. They are on their own highs and feel OK when hearing he says no. The client feels relief and sees his previous fear of whether his friend getting mad and hurting him is paranoid. Later the tribe play the drama when he call his mom. He talks in a more relaxed manner and peacefully shares his feelings about his childbirth. The mom expresses her feeling sorry about leaving him on his own and the conversation ends full of love. The client realizes his own projection creates his reality and thanks the tribe for helping him opening communication and breaks the cycle of dramas.

During the checkout, the client says now he clear say how a pattern happens in his childbirth repeat itself after 30 years. He thanks the tribe for helping working on break the cycle.

In the second hot seat, the subconscious bring up the deep materials in an uncanny way and the client reaches his Aha by following the feeling of the drug smell. It takes strong commitment to get deep into the process. It reminds me of the smell of the leather in Dr. Grof's book which brings the breather back to his child birth. I feel the beauty of the Rock Process that it makes further intentional effort to equip the client with new tools to breakout from the pattern and move on.

I feel grateful to be part of this process and thank you for your continuous effort in helping others.

Thank you,

Mon, Aug 5, 2013

Identifies With Powerlessness

My Dear Ed,

I start getting answers to my questions by reading what other contributors say. This one is so important to me. I am thankful to you and that contributor for helping me feel my feelings.

I refer to Mon, Aug 5, 2013 - Feeling Powerless and Misunderstood.

The contributor says: I guess I want a drama where I feel powerless and imposed upon. I feel it right now. I feel being taken advantage of and being misunderstood.

OMG Ed,

This is exactly what I feel in 1980 while in the 10th Standard in school. I have to start working instead of focusing on my final exams. Mom is not well. Father is not well. There is no income. There are liabilities. Oh what not!

My mother tells me "son you have to start working to make money. There is no money even to pay your school fees. Your father is not well. I am not well. We have monthly expense of Rs 3000/- You please make 1200 and I will make 1800. This way we survive"

I am shocked to see my mother crying. She is having her periods that day. I do not know what has happened to her. She is just crying.

I shut down completely. For many hours. I go for a walk alone on a sea shore. That day changes my life. I lose my happiness.

Then I decide then and there that I will surely start making money. For the family's sake. For my mother's sake. We all love each other. I have seen my mother take superb care of the family. Many times my father gives me head massage. I know he loves me a lot. I can not bear my mother's pain. My father is very sad. He has lost his vision in past due to faulty surgery of removal of nasal polyps.

Both my parents know about my dreams of studying hard and shift to America. All those dreams are ending. Suddenly. So fast. I feel lost again and again.

I start wondering what to do. I have no idea. I start buying Economic Times newspaper and start reading the advertisements to know which field offers opportunities. I remember my father investing in Kennametal and making money.

I start reading stock market pages. I am hooked to that at the age of 17. I start noticing that companies declare very good results and the stock is down! I start realizing that it is already well discounted and so the smart ones have already sold or are selling heavily.

I start understanding that I want to focus on what is not discounted.

I buy Forbes and Fortune magazines in resale at throw away prices. I start realizing that America is a great country.

I start my sub broking business of Fixed Deposits for companies. I make 1% on each year of FD. I am successful from the start. I read Think and Grow Rich. I read Going the Extra Mile topic. I make full Rs. 3000/- for my family.

BUT: even while doing all these, I feel powerless, I feel I am being forced to work instead of studies. I want to become a Dr.

I feel scared. I do not know how to have sustainable income. I feel lost and confused. Why are our relatives not helping us the way it is shown in the movies and stories? Oh no, I wonder. I feel sad.

On her death bed, my mother takes promise from me that after her death I take care of my father. Theirs is a love marriage. My father from a rich family. My mother from a very poor. My mother's brother requests me to promise my mother. I feel I am being taken advantage of by my being helpful. But wait, her Dr. has told me that she will be all right and that she will survive cancer. She does not. I do not know what cancer is. Dr. has lied to me. He knew but still assures me, trying to keep my hopes alive.

I feel like crying. But a school tutor has given a rock. Strong boys don't cry.

Having given a promise to my mom, I try to forget my dream of shifting to America. Many times I feel suffocated in my own country. I now in the present moment of now, yes Dear Ed, now, exactly know why I feel suffocated in my own country. It is because I have not been able to fulfill my dream. I played my mother's music. I sacrificed my goals for the sake of my family.

Oh. This clarity is coming by my feeling my feelings.

Thank you so much for teaching how to connect with my feelings.

Ed, I am much younger to you but would say: God Bless you.

You are changing my life.

I hope I have correctly used SVO-p . This feeling makes me realize immediately my tendency to be perfect, to ... (I do not have proper words to describe my feeling)

A big Thank YOU.

Ah.

Mon, Aug 05, 2013

What Others Think

Hey Ed,

I've got a general philosophical / psychological question that I feel you might have some insight into.

As you know I'm currently working a regular day job that's fairly busy, we're on our feet working in a core analysis lab for probably 90% of the day, so I'm really trying to make the most efficient use of my time in doing my analysis into trend following systems.

The deeper I get into the programming and analysis the more convinced I become of the validity of trend following methods, and the more I believe that I should be able to master this subject and do it for a living. The main problem at this point are simply time and energy constraints, and in order to make the most efficient use of my time / energy I'm having to do things like skip the usual lunch with coworkers and head to a starbucks to work on my programming, or bring my lunch and work at my desk.

Of course, trying to explain what I'm doing to the average person is an exercise in futility - they look at me like I'm from a different planet or simply laugh when I explain there is a mathematical way to make substantial profits from speculating in the markets.

I'm a firm believer in the idea of eliminating drama and unnecessary strife from your life, however the task at hand seems so far removed from the average everyday life of my peers that it has begun to cause drama that I would like to try and eliminate. I realize that this in and of itself might not be possible, and maybe the best solution is to simply grind it out and escape the situation completely.

Anyway, some of the drama is people thinking that I somehow think I am superior because I believe I can escape the 9 to 5 rat race and live a life that I truly want to live, others think I'm simply wasting my time and get offended when I don't want to get together during my limited free time on the weekends to do the usual binge drinking / watching sports /eating at restaurants that they really can't afford, etc.

Anyway, sorry for the unorganized stream of consciousness, hopefully you understand what I'm getting at, and I'd appreciate any advice you have for me.

Thanks,

Mon, Aug 5, 2013

Feeling Powerless and Misunderstood

Dear Ed,

Thank you for shedding light on matters that I am often blind to.

I'm having a difficult time right now. I feel like crying. I am crying.

After a month-long wait my investors have come back with a harsh email. I feel misunderstood. I jot down my feelings and realize many of them are familiar from other situations in my life. I feel being coerced and pushed. I feel the "strong" thing to do is to walk-away from their unbending attitude - its an image I carry around with me: the self-sufficient stoic. I don't need anyone to help me realize my dreams.

But I do need a lot of people to help me get to my dreams. I need you to write to. I need my wife to talk to. I need my mum and my sister. I need my two sons to share their smiles with me. I miss my dad.

And yes, I do need these investors as well. They are a bit rude in this last email, and are driving a hard bargain. But they are a vital ingredient to the mix. I feel I have some sort of a power-complex. And like you famously said "Everybody gets what they want...".

I guess I want a drama where I feel powerless and imposed upon. I feel it right now. I feel being taken advantage of and being misunderstood. When someone threatens to walk out on me, I feel like taking them up on their offer. But my dream lies on the other side of this trade. These past few months are a very difficult period of my life. I wait, I feel frustrated, I feel afraid, I feel the intense pressure and the sheer indignity of being broke and the powerlessness of being poor.

Thank you for teaching how to connect with my feelings.

Love and regards,

Mon, Aug 5, 2013

Wants to Attend Austin Tribe

thank you for your answer to my e-mail and your guidance. My specific goals are:

1. to get rid of these phenomenons (feeling of terror, demotivation, body pains, inability to concentrate, confusion).

While I accept them, as they persist I cannot work and barely participate at social or family activities. Hence, I would like not to have them. I assume that these manifestations are a drama that I am setting, but I cannot find or understand my motivation. I observe that this drama helps me to get some attention or compassion. Maybe that is my motivation. My goal is

2. to get rid of this need for attention.

Serving others is an excellent way of getting rid of the need for attention. However, in my current situation, I can barely serve others.

You write "When CM does not listen to Fred, Fred arranges drama". Fred is shouting at me, and I don´t understand what. My goal is

3. To open up to this information (right now, I don´t know how).

I recall a state of peace, bliss, compassion and openness to what is. I think it is what you call the Zero Point. Sometimes I experience this state spontaneously for several minutes; then, "terror" appears and I am reduce to misery and barely able to act. While I don´t know if it is possible, my goal is

4. To enter the Zero Point and stay there.

Dear Ed, I HATE to write to you in these terms. I HATE not to report you about my successes, my happiness, my openness to others, my peace and my delight at life. I HATE to visit a therapist. I see that I indulge myself and whine a lot. I am sick of this. I doubt about my motivation. I wonder how can I show myself that am willing to change my current situation and not just playing games with myself.

Thank you,

Aug 4, 2013

Wants to go into The Dark

Dear Ed,

Thank you very much for changing the first illustration of your answer to my posting from Fri, Aug 2, 2013, Brief Therapy - Healing After One Session". The first picture hits me like an uppercut. As I see it, I feel hopelessness and something close to "despair". As I see the second illustration, minutes later, I think "maybe I still have a chance".

The issue, the specific problem, is: a couple of times in the night and during the day I feel deep horror and despair, associated with several physical manifestations. When I try to go into this feeling a form emerges, always the same: I duck, both hands between my thighs, rubbing palms, experiencing "terror".

The lack of sleep, the mental and physical distress and the unpredictibility of the attacks weaken me a lot, and I am not able to work or to support my children.

I think that the symptoms reflect that I resist to a feeling, to accept some information. I don´t know what it is.

Maybe the Tribe can help me enter a dark room which am I very scared of to step into. But my Tribe is not gathering right now.

"Attaining Right Livelihood" means to me, be able to work, to help and support my children and other people.

Best regards,

Aug 4, 2013

How to Structure Role Playing

Ed,

In the first hotseat (HS), member discusses feeling unsatisfied in his current job and desires a different job that includes more interactions with people and less coding. The tribe and HS realize that HS has a tendency to 'fly under the radar' and not ruffle feathers.

This appears to limit him in finding a career that he loves doing and find satisfaction. Through this entry point HS recalls the nuns in school scared him with their yelling and discipline towards other students so he always stayed under the radar and didn't get into trouble and he followed the rules. We role play a new rock process that allows him to respect the nuns, continue to learn but also be a leader.

His leadership shows through his respecting the nuns, wanting to improve and be a positive influence to the other students. It was amazing to see someone in the intimate model show great leadership that made the students want to learn and get along with the nuns and other students, [and also] allow the nuns to operate with less frustrations and for him to not be so stressed by others around him.

The second HS was quite interesting in how the process shows so much is related throughout our lives. The first memory that comes to HS after he revs up the emotions is during birth, HS feels alone, as he must struggle without anyone around, being stuck in a small area unable to breath. How do you role-play something like this? It was clear HS was determined to move forward. After working through the many forms HS begins to tell a story about a rock concert, getting high, paranoid and calling his mom.

I didn't see the relevance at the beginning but the parallels soon showed. HS remembers feeling drugged from his mom during the childbirth and gets drugged at the concert. HS feels paranoia at being stuck in the birth canal and maybe dying and feeling stuck in the car with his friends that he is thinking they want to kill him and steal his vehicle on the way home from the concert.

Mom during child birth is unable to help him get out of the canal and when he calls her after the concert she doesn't show any support or caring for him at this time either. We don't role-play the birth but we do the concert.

HS has three different times he can forgive the rock back to the donor (his Grandfather). The HS role plays the concert and decides not to smoke the joints. This stops the paranoia from the high. He still decides to get out of the car after the concert to walk home just but is able to communicate to his friends well for the second role play of the process. HS then decides that tonight is not a good time to call his mom and waits until the next day to call mom and use the intimacy model. The Rocks process continues to amaze me.

The Process can be much like trend following. If you trust the process or the system it will take you where you want to go. If you try to guide or 'jump' the system, you will likely find yourself losing money or the rocks process will not end well.

I have a feeling that as long as the HS is committed to working through the issue and the other members are there to help, the process will be a success.

I truly am grateful to Ed and this tribe.

Aug 4, 2013

Horn and Seltzer

Dear Ed,

I continue to be impressed by the experiences that occur in our Tribe meetings, most recently the completion of two Rocks Processes that seem to reach out and involve every member in his own resonance with the events that we role-play.

First Hot Seat is a member who wishes to change jobs but feels he is "doing nothing" to make this happen. He intensifies his forms of waving his arms back and forth, saying "I want something else!", and then begins vigorously wiping his hands down the length of his thighs. His face contorts and his teeth are clenched.

As he freezes in the midst of these forms he says, "I am in school." The scene he develops involves two instances in which schoolmates get in trouble with two "mean" nuns who yell at the children. He is frozen in place, terrified of getting in trouble; he looks straight ahead and "does nothing". He identifies his mother as the one who teaches him to "do nothing".

I volunteer to play his mother as I have done in a previous role-play. I am worried about him and want him to be a good boy. I don't want him to get in trouble and so I teach him to stay "under the radar". I believe this has worked for me in my relationships with angry and controlling men. When he refuses to take the rock I offer him, I am so worried that he won't be able to take care of himself. Only later do I realize I am worried that he will leave me by growing up. Perhaps I don't want him to be able to take care of himself!

This theme is resonating with me now as I write; it pervades my experience of the second HS as well.

As he struggles violently to expel the fluids and feces he has inhaled while trapped in the birth canal, my heart is telling me to help him but I am completely aware that this may not be what he needs. Yet the man is drowning!

I whisper to the PM who is sitting next to me and ask if I might get a wet cloth. He nods, and I notice as I get up that another Tribe member also gets up to grab some napkins. I run a length of paper toweling under some cold water and kneel beside HS. I am not going to do anything unless he asks for it! I do decide to place my hand on his back; he says he is aware of it but does not say how he feels about it so I leave it there. I now feel I should not touch him unless he asks for that.

I remain beside him and do not touch his face with the towel. He asks me to get him a bowl that he can spit into, which I do.

I am waiting for him to say if he wants his face wiped. I would not want someone touching me, especially my face, if I had not asked them to. But I want to be there to help if asked. I am sure I might see "asking" where it may not really be.

I am interested to read the accounts of the other Tribe members about this part of the experience, because my memory of it is that he finally says something like, "Why isn't there anyone wiping my face? I want something cool and wet on my face!" At that point, I begin wiping his face and he begins to cry. A while later he again asks for his face to be wiped.

In his account, HS describes my actions as interrupting and intruding on his process. I am especially grateful for the way he processes his irritation by recognizing that he might be adding his own interpretation to my motives. I accept responsibility for altering his process, and I believe my motives to be complex.

Elsewhere in these FAQ pages I explore my need to help people and question the extent to which this need may be control-centric. As a psychotherapist I face numerous opportunities to set my boundaries for how much I try to help, and I notice that I am stepping in with assistance, advice and suggestions less and less frequently, unless asked. I also test for willingness to proceed.

I remember now that I have written to FAQ about "The Shower Process", during which I watch a cockroach flail around on his back and I hold back from "helping" him. But I cannot say with conviction that I wish I did not intrude into my Tribe friend's process.

Perhaps he cannot move from the birth canal to the rock concert without the irritation about someone messing with him.

That's not why I decide to do it, of course, but to reach out and connect with someone who is frightened and alone seems like a powerful human instinct to me. I see that I may be justifying my action, but I really just want to talk about it. I do not feel "bad" about it like I most certainly would previously.

In the role-play about the concert, I again play the mother, and again I go too far in trying to "help" by adding information into the role-play that has not naturally come up in the process. HS calls me on this during check-out, and again I feel slightly embarrassed but not anything like I might have in the past. I accept that I can make mistakes and the world does not end!

I feel excited and open about the Tribe experience and how it is unfolding. I could write many more pages about the events of that night and how they have been caroming around in my mind and my being. I feel real, engaged, and welcoming of whatever happens next. I am not going to sit back and wonder what might have happened if I took a risk!

Sat, Aug 3, 2013

Feelings of Incompetence

Hi Ed,

I am back to reading The Trading Tribe after months of studying lots of books. It seems like the enzo circle. It is something like taking a plane in search for something you have inside. It is like reincarnating as a human being to experience something you already know/are in life.

I want to express my feelings of incompetence. I am unable to manifest the answers to create my own trading system and ride the market waves. One feeling inside of me lives to become an excellent trader and another one lives to dive into the studies of "subtle matters". These past months, I feel like I have made very little progress in both subjects. There is also a feeling of impatience because I am not letting my inner wisdom flow in search for more knowledge.

I also wonder how I can have access to Through the Traders Window and The Metaformation of Winning. The web keeps bringing up those books when performing Google searches.

My spirit salutes yours,

Fri, Aug 2, 2013

Trading Tribe Process (TTP) Report:
Stoners and Rockers and Crap in His Lungs


Ed,

Since the start of the Tribe series I notice I now weigh about 15 pounds less. I don't follow a diet or an exercise program. I simply have a taste for healthier foods and getting outside more.

At the last meeting, the first Tribe member on the hotseat works through an issue in which a couple of nuns in his parochial school intimidate some of his friends and classmates by yelling at them and shaking them by their collars.

We replicate the drama through role playing. After he receives his "heart rock ," he shares his feelings with the students and with the nuns and they all gather insights and develop intimacy-centric skills. When we try to run the scenario again, no one seems able to get into it. Hotseat, through his willingness to connect, turns the whole organization around. The role players and other Tribe members show surprise and amazement. One member remarks, "People who use intimacy-centric skills provide the actual leadership."

Next, I go on the hotseat. Recently, I find my job requires less coding and more marketing and selling. I notice a lot going on in my throat, like coughing and clearing my throat more than usual.

The process manger goes with it and gets the Tribe to encourage me to clear my throat more and more vigorously. Soon I notice myself writhing around on my chair, pounding my feet on the floor and trying to cough stuff out of my throat and blow stuff out of my nose, like drowning and I want to get some air. I also feel very weary and blacking out.

PM gets me to freeze it and amplify it and see what critical incident I recall. I don't get much and then I tell him I have something and don't really believe it. He says to go with it. I tell him I see bright lights and have trouble getting air as I struggle to emerge from my mother's birth canal during my own birth. I feel like I want to get feces and urine and blood and fluid out of my nose and out of my lungs.

The PM says he does not know to role play this one. He encourages me to go with it. I feel very weary and want to move my legs and have to fight against passing out. The labor goes on and on and on. My mother can't push anymore I can't get out. I feel like I have to get out or suffocate and die. The PM keeps encouraging me to go with. it, as does the whole Tribe. I wind up sobbing and feeling fear and sadness and desolation. Something deep inside me releases.

As I get into it more deeply, one of the Tribe members comes over to soothe me and wipe away the mucus from my face mouth and nose with a tissue. I notice that does not fit in with my memory of the situation at all. It seems to have more to do with the Tribe member's issues. The intrusion breaks the spell and the childbirth image evaporates.

I feel some irritation about the interruption and then conclude it might reflect some projection of mine about insensitive mothering by women who want to look like good mothers rather than establish rapport with their babies. I decide to include that possibility in my fantasy. My irritation dissipates.

Then I get another image, of taking some friends to a rock concert to see a big-name band in a huge stadium. I like the music and can feel it with my whole body. Every minute or so someone passes a joint down the line and we all take a toke and pass it on. Some of it gets me feeling surprisingly high and out of control and I start to feel paranoia.

On the way home, I feel my friends plan to gang up on me and kill me, so when we stop for gas, I tell them I would like to get out of the car and walk home to get some air. I hope they might take the car and forget about killing me. When I finally get home, I call my mother, waking her up, and tell her I feel paranoia and I ask her to help me. I tell her I can get out of it the paranoia if she can reassure me I face no real danger. She says, "You are definitely not OK." When I hear that, I just go numb.

The Tribe helps me put all this together and I see the two situations overlay closely. The rock concert episode reflects my childbirth some 30 years later. One of the Tribe members suggests Fred gets me to call my mother after the concert just to complete the overlay, by including her in both dramas.

The Tribe helps me identify my grandfather as my rock donor, giving me the "shut down and go along with it" rock. I wonder if I can get a rock in utero, before birth. No matter, in the role play, he slides it to me when the first joint comes down the line.

I tell my grandfather I do not want that rock. We share our feeling about it and he finally agrees to take it back. Then the messenger appears with the heart rock. The role play continues. I tell my concert friends I do not want to smoke any weed, especially weed from who knows where. I expect them to put pressure on me. Actually, they could care less and figure, "no problem, extra for us."

On the way home in the van, I tell my friends I want to get out so I don't get a contact high. They have no problem with that. When I arrive home, rather than wake my mother up, I wait until the next day and have a talk with her about the childbirth and how difficult childbirth can get and how some kinds of drugs can knock you out.

At the end of the process, I feel a spacey and disorientation and my throat feels sore from all the coughing.

The next day, I feel light and don't seem to have to clear my throat very much, even though I feel the irritation from coughing so much during the process. I seem to breathe easier. I also notice a sense of ease about connecting with people and I also notice myself looking forward to getting out from behind my computer and bringing in some business.

I would like to thank my Tribe, and especially the PM for a great job on helping me to get through this.

Fri, Aug 2, 2013

Control Centric

Dear Ed,

Hope you are in the pink of health.

I read your FAQ regularly.

I just have this feeling that I have a control centric attitude. Somehow this helps me to do more in depth research independently for my investments. I wonder whether trend following is intimacy centric approach. Your view please.

I see one of my friends contribution on your FAQ. We both have learned a lot from you.

Best wishes to a wise person,

Fri, Aug 2, 2013

Brief Therapy - Healing After One Session

Dear Ed,

I can relate to the report from Wed, Jul 31, 2013, "TTP and Therapy". In my files I have several cases of patients reporting a substantial improvement / healing after one TTP session. I recall a patient with a severe anxiety disorder and panic attacks lasting for more than 30 years. After a one-to-one TTP session in which I just assist him to accept his feelings, he reports being completely relieved of symptoms. I recall several similar cases. As I comment this to experienced psychologists who work with talk therapy, they don´t want to believe it and consider it not possible...

It seems to me that the contributor is interested on applying TTP in a therapeutical setting. Maybe my experiences can be helpful for him/her, I don´t know.

I also relate to the contribution from Wed, Jul 31, 2013, "Day Trader". Right now, I am also successful in avoiding Right Livelihood, feeling sick, not working, living from my savings, being more a burden than serving others. You write "Absent desire to change, issues serve as little more than justifications for delinquencies."

I share this view. I sustain that I want to change my condition, but my results tell a different story. I frequently catch me red-handed using my condition to get attention and commiseration. I find it ugly and disgusting. When I recognize it, I stop it. On the hotseat I realize that, when I feel lonely, I create some problems (financial, professional, juristic).

The current situation is the hugest possible problem. I think frequently about days at Incline Village, a friend sharing his experience and wisdom with me, listening, observing, frequently kicking my derrière. I wonder if the Austin Tribe is open to help me with my issues "control", "loneliness" and "terror".

Best regards,