Aug 31, 2013

TTP Report: Confrontations

Hi Ed,

I recently joined the (City) tribe and this was my first formal tribe meeting. I had attended tribe meetings for a year starting Aug 2010 and then stopped due to lack of quorum at the meetings.

After our check-in we had a brief discussion about the rocks process and how that should be the next logical evolutionary step for our tribe. Some tribe members felt we were repeating old behaviors on which we had spent multiple hot seats and probably rocks process would help with that.

Our chief took the hot seat which was quite brief. We then decided to try out the rocks process on one of the issues of confrontation he was having at his work. We took on different roles based on his direction. This was my first rocks process with me as an actor. Initially i was constantly looking for direction from the hot seat for what to do next. I noticed the other actors seemed to get immersed into the roles more spontaneously. I then decided to go with the flow too and not worry too much about if i was doing it correctly or not.

As we enacted the confrontation scenario, even though i was just an actor it brought up the feelings that i tend to have when i am really faced with a confrontation. Feelings that i do avoid normally, to the extent that i find it hard to even describe the feelings.

The rocks process ended with us actors resolving the confrontation. The hot seat person was satisfied with the enactment. The primary actor in this confrontation did an excellent job of the enactment, even tho he was not coached as to how exactly to behave.

At the checkout we actors observed how there was still a hangover of feelings from the enactment. It also helped us to give more insights to the hot seat on how to deal with his confrontation at work.

At the end we all felt good that we at least gave the rocks process a try without worrying about "getting it right".

Honestly, i typically run very hot and expect to get onto the hot seat every time. I used to feel very upset during my previous tribe attendances when i did not get the hot seat. Since then i no longer feel too upset on missing the hot seat. In fact when the hot seat person was done with his forms i could feel some calmness in me too, almost as if his calmness was contagious.

I am looking forward to more rocks processes!

Thanks and regards,

Aug 30, 2013

TTP Report: Reinventing a Tribe

Ed,

In line with my snapshot, I retire and a couple of years later my wife retires and we move to a beautiful place. ("Why don't I retire" is an issue at the 2009 workshop).

I bid a sad farewell to my old Tribe and reflect on the many changes that have come from Tribe that are now just part of my life. Near my new home - a 1/2 day round trip - there is a long-standing Tribe. They are full but agree to let me join and attend every second Tribe. They are very welcoming.

I don't really feel that hot at the first few tribes here but I do a couple of hot seats. There are some differences from my old tribe. No rocks process. No snapshots. Not very vocal encouragement to ramp it up during hot seats. There is no piece of furniture which is the hot "seat".

I think I am starting to see signs of signature forms that are not resolved. There is talk of hot seats being soothing, like meditating, or yoga, or stretching. I don't want to rock the boat. I make a few suggestions. One of the other members is doing likewise.

I suggest I run one tribe meeting the way we did it at my old tribe, or I could run a tribe post the September 2013 workshop to bring back the new insights. Secretly I start to think about starting a second tribe in my city that adheres more to the TTP process.

In my trading I close all my positions and go flat. I put on a large completely discretionary currency position.

Then one member quits, due to being too busy. Then the tribe leader quits, no reason given.

Then at the last Tribe, which I did not attend because it was my 'off' week, a member gets on the hot seat and starts a rant. He gets very heated and talks with feeling about his life, the Tribe, lack of progress, everything. He experiences an AHA moment - the first in many years attending tribe. I am told about all this at the next tribe. Over the ensuing two weeks he has been a demon of energy and organization and has much achievement to report.

Everyone asks me to run a tribe meeting according to my understanding of how Ed does it. A couple more people did not attend this tribe, not sure if they have dropped out or are just away. We follow the standard method as per the book and do check-in, talk about our snapshots and where we are stuck, do drumming for a limited time.

Then we do the exercises: "what are you thinking" "what are you feeling" "show us a form". This spontaneously evolves into a passionate, heartfelt discussion of our tribe. All our hidden thoughts are put on the table. We are agreed we want to do TTP in a hardcore manner and make progress, not medicate ourselves.

This is a very intense discussion. I tell the guy who ranted at the previous tribe I feel so grateful to him for having the courage to break open the issue that I could give him a hug. He says "why not then?" So I give him a big hug. When I first saw this member at this tribe I instantly see something has changed. He is energized, alive, vital. It is like someone put a new set of batteries into him. I find this inspiring.

The first hot seat has been at this tribe for 12 months. He makes a fair bit of progress ramping the feelings up - around not following his system - but after two tries he did not quite get to a full Aha!. Some insights but more to go.

He realizes that he does not like anyone - even his system - telling him what to do. He decides to make notes of how he feels when breaking his system and when later he realizes he has lost money as a result. I comment in the checkout that there is a certain skill in doing a hot seat, allowing your emotions to flow where they will, and trusting everyone else to accept whatever feelings come up. So if at first you do not get a 100% result, it is OK.

Second hot seat (me). The issue is procrastination, time wasting, not getting enough done. I am making progress and it is faster than before but not enough. Before the 2009 workshop I was probably running at 25% of potential. Gradually this has ramped up to 40%. But I could still do twice as much. Life is short and I am wasting half of it. Anyway I decide to give it a red-hot go.

The first go I end up in a dark place full of dread and terror. It reminds me of when I was 7 and my grandmother died. Many bad things happened after that and I thought I was also going to die. But I had no aha nor insight into the original issue of procrastination. I have another go. The tribe encourages me again. After a fairly short time I come out of it feeling very confused. I have an idea though. After my grandmother died I ended up in a situation where whatever I did was wrong. Example: My grandmother is now in heaven so we are all supposed to be happy. So why is everyone sad? Why can't I say I am sad? My life was one double bind situation after another. I suddenly realize this is at the heart of the matter. If everything I do is wrong, it is better to do nothing. I realize I can reject this idea.

One of the members comments that this would be a perfect situation for a rocks process. I suggest I will see if the insight resolves the issue before the next tribe. If not I will run this through a rocks process.

Driving home I realize that around the time when my grandmother died my photos show that a happy vital boy became sad-looking and hesitant. It occurs to me that second guessing everything I do, and over-worrying if it is wrong consume a lot of energy. And then suppressing my actions because they might be wrong takes away another large slab of energy. A double whammy. The next day, in spite of the long drive and the late night I feel uniquely energized and ready to go.

It is getting late at tribe. I suggest we each put up something that we want the tribe to hold us accountable for next time. We all spell them out. Mine is to track my effectiveness on a daily basis and do a brief note on this daily. So far I am running at 80% and I am amazed how much I am getting done. I also feel energized and I am amazed how much I am getting done. It occurs to me that 40% was probably a very optimistic estimate of how much of my potential I was achieving.

Aug 30, 2013

Holding On

Dear Ed,

Thank you so much for your patient and thorough reply to my beginner's question about trading.

As I read it, the next logical question in my beginner's mind is: why not just hold on to the stock you are short in, if it goes up instead of down like you are hoping it will?

In the example from the Reminiscences book, why didn't the guys that were short in sugar wait until the artificially-inflated price went back down? Are you required to sell, or buy, at a certain time, regardless?

A related question is: what is the difference between trading stocks and trading "futures", if that is the correct term?

Thanks again for taking the time to help the newbies.

Aug 30, 2013

TTP Report: Animating Some Changes

Ed,

The first process involved making declarations to complete a goal. The first tribe member makes a declaration to plant double rows of corn and is very convincing. He seems like he will follow through.

The next tribe member gets up to make an announcement of his intention to start a fund but can't. He feels a pain around his neck and shoulders especially when his son touches that area. He goes through forms and remembers a time when he was a child. He was in a pharmacy and he tried on a hat and corncob pipe, the people in the store thought he was cute. He became scared because he knew his father would get angry since he didn't ask for permission to try on any of the items.

He also remembered a time where his father pushed him against the fireplace in their home with the use of a table. However, he stands up to his father and tells him that, "he'd better f**king kill him because that would be the last time he would do that again." His father backed off.

When his father tried to abuse his dog he said, "leave him alone you son of a bitch", the father backed down. The tribe member sees that he puts many things between himself and his goal. He is now clearer on what he needs to do to accomplish his goal. He stands up and declares that he wants to start a fund and says it like he means it. I can relate to this process because sometimes I would feel shutdown if I would pick up an item in a store and my mother would yell at me, "put that back we can't afford it." I would feel shame and guilt.

I take the Hot Seat next and I try to declare that I am an animator. However, I feel like something is holding me back, I feel shaky and angry and don't give a very convincing declaration. After dinner, I continue in the Hot Seat, I get into a form and crank up the angry and sad feelings I have. The Process Manager has me freeze that feeling.

I relate a time when I was very young. My family and I were taking a vacation on the Texas Gulf Coast and my father and brother were walking out of the motel room to go fishing early in the morning. I just remember waking up and seeing the back of my father's head as he is going out of the door with my brother. I tell my mother that I wanted to go too. She said that we would go swimming or do something else. I felt sad, angry and left out.

I did a role-play involving this scene with some tribe members exactly as it happened. Then we did a role-play in which my mother gave me the rock of shutting down and I accepted it. We did another role-play in which I shared feelings and denied the rock from my mother and suddenly ran of after my father and brother and asked them if I could come along. They said yes and ran back and got my fishing gear and ran back to catch up to them. I was happy and excited. I also felt energized over my assertiveness.

Lastly, a tribe member wants improve his relationship with his wife. He has trouble getting into his feelings. He relates that his grandfather liked order and became angry if anything was out of order. He relates a story about a garbage basket that is located below the kitchen sink in his home. The basket is on a track that slides out but, it gets off track somehow and he becomes angry and tears the basket and track up.

Of course, the basket is his wife's property as well. She buys a replacement basket but it doesn't fit as well. He becomes angry at this situation and gets very frustrated and tries to tear up this basket as well. His wife gets angry when she sees this happen. In response to her anger he becomes analytical and stoic.

He starts trying to "fix" the situation by suggesting getting a new basket, which only makes matters worse. He still can't get into his feelings. Every tribe member relates feelings to him individually. The tribe members are becoming frustrated with him. The tribe member in the Hot Seat seems to have achieved the order he seeks. Each tribe member expressed their feelings then he responds with stoicism so it becomes: feelings-stoicism, feelings-stoicism, etc.

His body language is very rigid and looks as if he can't be budged. I become frustrated and recommend he stand up while demonstrating how he tore up the basket and track. I encourage the tribe member as he finally expresses his feeling. He beats the ground violently. He relates a story about a reel-to-reel tape recorder he received for Christmas as a child. He loved that present. He remembers taking a screwdriver and removing the chains off of his sister's music box. His sister started to cry and his father goes into a rage and smashes his tape recorder. I realize later that I didn't check with the Process Manager to intervene like that. I feel sad because I have been disrespectful to him.

We role-play the tribe member trying to relate to his wife. The Process Manager goes with the flow of the process and creates more chaos. I play the grandfather and yell at him about always getting angry about things that aren't in order. Another tribe member plays his father who shouts that he must express his anger by destroying other people's property. We are yelling at the tribe member simultaneously and he tries to run away.

Another tribe member shows him how to ask each one of us to stop talking while he relates that he doesn't need the rocks we are offering. The Hot Seat does this himself and rejects the rocks. He is able to more effectively communicate his feelings to his wife and he is able to receive her feelings.

I can relate to being unable to receive other's feelings. Over the past year my brother and I haven't had many conversations. I felt sad about that. So I called him last week and listened to and received him and his feelings. He was very happy and glad I called. Our conversation was very satisfying and enjoyable for me as well.

I would like to report some results that I have experienced since this tribe meeting. I have taken action to become an animator by resolving to create an animated feature. I have purchased a new computer that can handle the 3D animation software that I will be using. I have created a story and developed characters. I have also picked out the music I will be using. I am drawing what the characters will look like and will begin modeling and animating them using the 3D software. I will use this animated feature to get the job I want in the industry. It has always been a dream of mine to submit an animated film to a film festival. By this next tribe meeting I will announce which film festivals I will be submitting my work to. I feel very excited.

I am also making progress with my weight-loss goal. I have lost 7.6 pounds in the last two weeks going from 346.80 to 339.20. I have stopped my late night eating and I am eating a more healthy diet with little or no fried foods.

Aug 29, 2013

Unable to Attend

Dear Ed,

I feel regret, sadness, and disappointment because I am unable to attend further Austin Tribe meetings through mid-November. I coach my son's soccer team and our practice time, assigned last Saturday, is Thursdays at 5:30pm which conflicts directly with the usual tribe meeting time. I feel gratitude to the tribe for the work I have been able to do so far in this series with their patient help and support. I feel affection and respect for my fellow tribe members and wish you and all of them well in your journeys. Thank you for your generous hospitality, Ed, and for your inspired process management and facilitation.

Sincerely,

Wants a Reason

Ed,

i am from [Country]. I am sorry to know only a little English.

I find that some successful traders can not make return on 2000 -2010 as high as 1980-1990, for example: the turtle traders who was trained by Richard Dennis.

I want to know your view. what is the reason? the market has changed? OR they reduced their risk?

Thank you!

Aug 28, 2013

Some Traders Say ...

Ed,

Some traders now say that supply and demand is irrelevant to the futures market. In particular that there is infinite supply of futures contracts and so speculation is all that is relevant.

Do you think that supply and demand issues are relevant to today's futures markets (or even other markets such as stocks or FOREX)?

TTP Report: Experimenting with the Format

Dear Ed,

I want to complete my report on the Austin Tribe's fifth meeting. You have my report on my own preoccupation with a mistake I make at the previous meeting; now I want to document my observations about the processes that occur for others in this meeting.

The first check-in is a brief report from each member on the feelings they are experiencing at that moment. Many members report feeling relaxed and/or tired.

The next go-round involves each member's perceived progress since the last meeting. Of course I lead off with my "mistake" issue, prompting Ed to remind me that we are to report progress. I struggle for a moment to turn my confession into something positive, and say that I am more tolerant of making mistakes.

Many of the members report progress, some very specific like speaking to the boss about wanting a different job and getting supportive feedback. A member whose goal is to share his feelings of wanting a romantic relationship with a friend reports that he shares those feelings and receives a negative reply; even this seems like progress to me since now the question is answered and he can perhaps move on to find someone who wants a romantic relationship with him.

We go around again, this time to see who has something they want to work on. I notice how during this process the issues that emerge in different members often seem to share a theme. In this case, "wanting something I don't have" appears as the common thread.

The first member to work reports his awareness that he puts obstacles in his way to reaching his goal of having a fund. He is sitting next to me, and as he begins to express himself through some forms, I notice how intensely he is into the process: his face literally turns beet red and all kinds of fluids start coming out of his nose and mouth. Ed puts a bowl and paper towels on the floor in front of him but he seems oblivious to his surroundings at that moment.

The freeze point yields an image of himself in a store dressed up in a cowboy hat with a corncob pipe. He recalls reaching for the items spontaneously and then becoming fearful when his father asks for a picture to be taken of him. He is worried that he has not asked permission before taking action; this is something that usually angers his father. His report of the physical violence and emotional intimidation he has endured from his father is heartbreaking. The significance of his "holding back before taking action on something he wants" becomes completely clear to me at that point.

The most memorable part of his process for me is his response the first time Ed asks him to stand up and declare that he HAS (not he "wants to have") a fund. He is next to me, and I can feel him struggling to stand up and HE JUST CAN'T! I can almost see the chains holding him in his seat; I can definitely feel them. Later, when he is finally able to declare, standing up with strength and confidence, that he HAS a fund, it feels like a triumph for all of us, truly a wonderful moment.

No rocks are used in this process, nor do we use role-playing. The HS seems to be an experienced Tribe member who is very smoothly able to transition to the critical incidents. He also connects the memories to some significant physical manifestations that he is experiencing, such as a racing heart and a high level of pain and sensitivity in the side of his neck. He reports at the end of the evening that both those areas are feeling calm, with no tension.

The second HS also wants something he doesn't have. In his case, he seems to sadly accept that this is simply his fate. He wants a job for which he apparently has some talent that he has never pursued in any meaningful way, instead staying in a job that requires him to try to appease angry people who are yelling at him all day.

One thing that is notable to me about this process is that the member who volunteers to be the Process Manager is the same one who has worked in previous meetings on issues of shyness, not wanting to be noticed, communicating in a vague manner, and being afraid to ask for what he wants. I am impressed that he seems to have no hesitation to take on the possibly daunting role of following Ed as PM!

As HS goes into his forms he recalls being on a family vacation in which he wakes up to see his father and older brother on their way out the door (he sees the back of his father's head) to go fishing together. He asks his mother what is going on and she tells him they are going fishing together, and not to bother them. She tries to pacify him and tells him not to be concerned about it, he can stay with her and be fine.

We create a rock for this pattern of accepting rejection passively and just making the best of it. We role-play his mother giving him this rock and then run the scene again as he accepts the rock. As the PM is getting ready to have HS forgive the rock to his mother, something funny happens.

Ed points out to the PM that he has not yet created a pro-active Heart Rock for HS to use instead of his mother's rock. PM tells Ed he wants to do it the way he is doing it. I am extremely impressed by the confidence and willingness of the PM to just go on his gut instincts rather than rely on a set formula.

In the final role play, HS forgives the rock to his mother as father and brother walk out the door. I am wondering if he will simply share feelings with his mother or if he will actually take action to get what he wants. In my mind, I am thinking, "Go after them, go after them!!" To my great joy, he wastes very few words on his mother as he gives her the rock and runs after his dad and brother. When he catches up to them, he doesn't bother telling them he is hurt or asking why they don't want him to go with them. He simply says, "Can I go with you guys?" And they say, "Sure!"

The whole Tribe seems to be grinning from ear to ear. During check-out for this process, many members (including the father and brother) report hoping he would take action and being overjoyed when he does. This member seems poised for some big changes in his life, rather than making a career out of being sad and rejected.

Though there is another major process that occurs, I will stop here. I wish to share my observation that this Tribe, possibly because the members are almost all very experienced with TTP, seems to be fluidly running itself (no offense, but actually credit, to Ed!). If rocks are needed, they appear; if role-play is needed, it happens. If not, something else grows organically out of the group's process that ends up involving everyone in ways that are relevant to each member as well as to the group as a whole.

This is also possibly due to Ed's stance toward the group process, which seems to be extremely open and tolerant of our experiments and our creativity. Check-out, as well as the subsequent reports to FAQ, reveal a universal experience of empowerment by the Tribe members and a very pronounced feeling of success, happiness and satisfaction with the meeting.

As one member put it during check-out, "I feel lucky."

Aug 28, 2013

EMA Crossover System Comparison

The Trading Tribe

Hey Ed,

Here is a write-up of the EMA (Exponential Moving Average) system comparison that I just completed, which analyzes and compares the optimization of the bliss ratio as a function of fast and slow EMA for the original long-only EMA Crossover system (system I) in addition to a long/short EMA Crossover System (system II).

I also included the trade metrics of system I and II for both the 150/15 and 325/85 EMA parameters in case you or your readers would like to double check the math of the analysis. If you have any questions, comments, or advice I would appreciate any feedback.

Thanks,

Aug 27, 2013

Wants Trading Advice

Dear Mr. Ed Seykota,

I was wondering if you use a short-selling strategy and/or use options?

Thank you very much for your time.

Sincerely,

Aug 27, 2013

Funny Economist

Ed,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVp8UGjECt4 (Preview)

Aug 27, 2013

Stuck in a Process

Ed,

for several months I have been sleeping badly and experiencing a feeling of dread, fear and several physical sensations. During a Tribe meeting I take my feelings about <my current situation> to the hot seat as an entry point.

During the check in I declare that I want to experience the feelings, but I tried several times with DIM and got stuck in very stressful forms (as you describe on Page 158 of The Trading Tribe) without moving forward. In previous Tribe meetings I got some insights about my condition, but still I perceive it as a huge drama that I am creating with some intention.

In this meeting, the process manager (PM) has no experience but is an extraordinarily sensitive person. She declares that she is willing to support me in experiencing my feelings. And boy does she!

I go into very intense forms (ducking and rubbing my hands against my groins, growling, clenching my fists and going into a fetal position). PM supports me relentlessly. During the process I fully give up rational control. At once I observe myself as a little child, maybe 18 months old, as my parents tell me that my mom expects a new child. I start to cry and yell in anger "No quiero un hermanito!" (I don´t want a little brother).

PM observes that my posture is that of a little child. I experience deep anger, helplessness, fear of abandonment, maybe despair. I also see my parents in front of me: they are completely overwhelmed. In the situation, we do not communicate. I am sending like a lighthouse, but there is no emotional exchange. I open my eyes. I feel deeply disoriented.

Since PM has no previous Tribe experience and does not know how to further proceed, I suggest to give you a call and consult with you. You suggest a phone call for on Tue at 3 PM (this was my call today).

After that, I am extremely tired. I fall asleep and wake up 2 hours later. In the night I sleep deeply and soundly, although I forget to take the prescription sleep pill.

My intention when I call you is not to whine or to get attention. I am rather intrigued by my current situation. I wonder if I have a real health issue or am just generating drama in order to attract attention and compassion. I abhor the idea of a codependent relationship, but maybe I am lying to myself.

Best regards,

Aug 27, 2013

How (Not) to Fix a Woman

Ed,

this short video was so funny to about how men try to fix womens problems instead of just listening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&feature=em-share_video_user

Aug 27, 2013

Prostatitis

Dear Ed,

I want to thank you and the whole Austin Tribe: reading the reports of the last meeting is inspiring and gives me the feeling that TTP has made yet another powerful upside breakout!

I confirm my intention to attend the breathwork, as well as the immediately preceding Tribe meeting. As I am looking at various flight options, can you confirm that the breathwork ends on Sunday at 11am?

As I work on defining my goals, I notice fear/anxiety,ambiguity and resistance.
I have two main goals: one is to be a top trader, with a compounded annual rate of return above 30% and a maximum draw-down below 25%; the other is to get rid of my prostatitis and fully enjoy my sex life.

I feel the two issues are somehow interrelated, not only because my fund's NAV peaks shortly before I get the first symptoms of prostatitis, but also because it seems to me there's a common pattern of shutting down/suppression/fear of success and power, as if I fear succeeding and being powerful may uncover my dark side, whereas failure and under-achievement make sure I remain a good person.

Maybe also the pressure of success and of other people's expectations and judgments. I do not know and I do not wish to analyze further. Something will come up one way or the other, as it seems we all share many issues. Curiously, it takes me a while to see the red rose in the "standing out" picture, as I miss it once or twice.

Best,

Aug 25, 2013

A Woman Goes Back to Work after 30 Years

Ed,

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10200112886040945
&set=vb.1114149744&type=2&theater

Aug 25, 2013

Duckweed

Ed,

On this morning's walk I did see the private sector on the banks watching the duck weed grow.

Ducks and Duckweed

Aug 24, 2013

Wants to Attend Workshop

Hey Ed,

I'm very interested in attending the trading tribe workshop in Austin this September and would like to start a tribe down in [City] as well, however being only 25 and having lost a good amount of money in the markets over the past year I don't have the means to pay for the admission fee.

I'm curious if there's any arrangement we could work out where I could attend and possibly pay you via doing any kind of mathematical / statistical analysis or other work that you may need.

In addition, I do plan on starting a fund at some point in the very near future, and maybe we could work out an agreement where I pay you as soon as I can afford to or as soon as I attract the capital to start the fund.

I am very interested and am willing to do whatever I can to attend, so if you have any other ideas I am open to them as well.

Also, I'm curious if you've had a chance to look at the data I sent on the long/short EMA system that I sent a few days ago and if you have any feedback on it.

Thanks,

Aug 24, 2013

Amazing Grace on Pan Flute

Ed,

Hear ye, hear ye:

http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/Dy3h6--fMBA&autoplay=1&showinfo=0

Aug 24, 2013

Breathwork

Dear Ed:

Attached is my application for the Breathwork Weekend next month.

I look forward to the weekend.

Best Regards,

Aug 24, 2013

Windfall Profits

Dear Ed:

I would like to buy dinner for the group at the next meeting.

I have had unexpected profits and exceeding my expectations in trading and am thankful to be part of the Tribe.

If this is alright with you please let me know the # of attendees.

Aug 24, 2013

The Long and Short of It

Dear Ed,

I am finding that I am interested in learning more about trading (starting from zero knowledge). A friend recommended Reminiscences of a Stock Operator which, so far, feels like a really fun way to get inside the mind of a trader.

However, by the end of Chapter One I already don't understand some basic terms and concepts. I wonder if you or your readers might be willing to help someone on such a beginner level.

The concepts are "to be short","to be long", and "margin". I have heard these terms many times, probably even had them explained to me, but as I try to understand The Operator's examples I remain puzzled.

In one example, he says, "I was short 3500 shares of Sugar...I had put [them] out...at 1051/4." Sugar was going down, and then sold at 103, a low for the day. He says he should have felt more confident then, but instead feels uncertain and decides to get out, so he closes his trade at 103. He implies that he made some money from doing this, but that others stayed in, apparently expecting the price to go down more.

Later the price is artificially run up to 108 before falling back down quickly, and his friends who are short are wiped out. (His story is used to describe how unscrupulous companies could manipulate prices in order to make money from investors). In a related example, he says if a brokerage company "found itself loaded with too many bulls on a certain stock it was a common practice to get some broker to wash down the price of that particular stock far enough to wipe out all the customers that were long of it."

Since I now believe that I do not need to feel humiliated by not knowing something (thanks to Tribe work), I can say that I have no clue what these two examples mean.

Maybe I should just keep searching for these answers, but I want to start with the place where complex ideas seem to become clear and simple, which is FAQ.

Thanks for any help you are willing to provide.

Yours truly,

Aug 23, 2013

Feelings about Spotlights

Dear Ed,

I resonate with the contributor who avoids the spotlight, though I am currently in touch with wanting it as well.

I see it as having many layers: top layer is fear of being judged; then comes a very strong desire to be in the spotlight and get tons of attention; then comes approval addiction; and, nestled down at the very bottom, simply a pure-ass joy of self-expression and love of life!

Aug 23, 2013

Outstanding

Ed,

Your comment about standing out in the April 21 FAQ, TTP Report: Different Processes / Standing Out, reminds me of this joke:

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."

I definitely feel the spot light when I am the center of attention and I don't like it. It causes me to want to move and get in the back or mix in with the group. I wonder why that is the case.

I look forward to bringing it to the tribe. I wonder if I fear being judged. In our last tribe session I was involved in playing the surrogate and was also somewhat process managing. When the surrogate, I, completed the process and was given compliments I immediately worried I involved myself too much and wanted to move to the side.

Here is what I want. I want to never worry that I am in the spot light or the center of attention. There are times everyone will be there. And if I am to accomplish the things I want in life, I will be the subject of several conversations and I will have to be front and center.

I appreciate the tribe for being a warm place to express ourselves openly.

TTP Report: Wants Changing to Haves

Hi, Ed,

I feel a lot of tickling in my upper chest and left arm. I don't know what is going on. I tell my wife and she worries. I go to the doctor on Wednesday and the EKG is negative. I make arrangements to have a stress test for a much more detailed EKG. Thursday, at the Austin tribe meeting, a tribe member describes the feelings that Billy Joel has in his chest and left arm which lets him know he's ready for a big performance. He describes in detail the exact feelings I feel. I'm baffled.

I notice that I have a pattern of putting things between where I am and what I want. I notice that I don't like it when my son touches the right side of my neck. I do not see any connection between the two. I believe I have two separate issues to work on.

I take the hotseat. The tribe supports me in the process. It turns out that my pattern of putting things between what I really want and the sensitive place on the right side of my neck are linked.

I feel the tribe's support during my process. I seem to go back and forth between thinking and feeling during the process. The process manager helps me identify some critical incidents: I'm about five-years old. I'm in a drug store and I try on a hat, sun glasses, and put a corncob pipe in my mouth.

Someone takes a picture of me. I hear people say that I'm so cute. I'm terrified. I'm afraid of my father punishing me because I do something without first getting permission. I see my father holding a shillelagh and feel pain on the right side of my neck. Once I get past the "story" I crank up the feelings and feel the tribe's support.

The best I can describe what happens is that I go into sort of trance. I give myself to the process and trust my fellow tribe members to keep me safe. At some point, I come out of the trance, and I notice there are paper towels and a bowl placed directly in front of me at my feet. I look in a mirror in the bathroom and notice broken blood vessels all over my face. I realize I rub my face really hard during the process. I have no conscious knowledge of rubbing my face so hard or of the towels and bowl.

My process, I think ends. It is still going on, though. I'm now sharing a hotseat with two other tribe members. We are all in the process together. I'm still in a trance. I try to stand up and say what I want, and I can't. Something, nothing visible, is holding me down.

The process manager asks me if I can announce what I want. I can't. I'm still in some sort of trance, and I am feeling things start changing inside me—like a new computer program replacing an old program that is no longer useful. Something is happening, and I don't know what it is.

Finally I'm able to announce, not what I want, but rather what I have. There is nothing between me and what I want. My want is now a have. I stand up and announce to each tribe member what I have. I send and they receive. One tribe member stands up to receive me and then sends me confirmation which I receive. It's a powerful moment.

The tribe continues as two other tribe members share similar rocks as me. They both make progress and make announcements.

A tribe member discusses how they feel about their experience at another tribe meeting where they do something "wrong" in terms of interfering / controlling another tribe member's process. The tribe member shows a lot of courage to continue doing Tribe work. They show up to this meeting. They don't quit. I'm moved by the tribe member's commitment.

Another tribe member takes the hotseat. He enlists the entire tribe in his process. The process management role, usually held by one person, changes into a shared role where various tribe members take turns managing the process. It's a free for all.

The hotseat feels his way through the process and fixes himself by feeling feelings he did not initially want to feel. During the process he throws off his glasses and a lens pops out of the frame. He, with the help of the tribe fixes himself by feeling and takes a seat.

His process ends, or so I think. A tribe member hands him the glasses with one lens still popped out. Without looking at his glasses or the popped out lens, he takes a cloth out of this pocket and, again without looking, he starts repairing the glasses while talking to the tribe. He fixes his glasses and then cleans them and does so all without looking at the glasses. He fixes himself in his hotseat process by feeling, and he fixes his glasses by feeling.

I'm back at home and complete a rigorous stress test on my heart. I pass the stress test with flying colors. Absolutely no heart issues whatsoever. I now welcome the feelings in my chest and arm—the same feelings Billy Joel gets. What's on the other side of those feelings is pretty cool: It's my wants changing to my haves.

At home I run a test: I ask my little boy if he's willing to grab me around the neck. He smiles and says, "No, that's OK." We both laugh. I no longer need him to trigger some unresolved critical incident. I ask him if he is willing to just put his hand on my neck. He does and nothing happens. I ask him to push a little harder, and his hand feels warm. We hug for a long time.

I notice this week, that my posture is changing. I'm sitting up straighter and walking a bit taller. In the morning, I'm getting up earlier, doing more productive things, and less of non-productive, TV-watching medication-type things.

I have immense love for the tribe, and the tribe members.

Best,

Aug 23, 2013

Collapsing Pyramids

Dear Ed:

I find myself in a recurring trading situation. As a discretionary trader, I wait patiently for the right entry point.

I take the trade with no hesitation and if I am right the trade is immediately profitable with almost no draw down.

As the trade accumulates profits, my trading rules require me to pyramid. However, as soon as I put on the second pyramid I experience a draw down.

My gains start vanishing at a much faster pace due to the pyramid. I choose to
exit the entire trade.

The process starts again.

I resolve that I need to wait patiently for the 2nd and 3rd pyramids and each pyramid needs to be independent with its own
stop losses. I hope to handle this in a tribe meeting as soon as possible.

Aug 23, 2013

TTP Report:
Better Relationship with Wife and Kids

Dear Ed,

Meeting number five commences at Ed's house in Austin in the check in with some general discussion of the previous meeting's proceedings, and in particular the process of one of the members who re-experienced the struggle and feelings of suffocation and drowning during childbirth.

There was some confusion among those attending about how to respond to the tribe member's apparent distress, and body fluids. There is a trade off between being helpful and interfering with the process of the person.

As the tribe members check in regarding issues which are hot that night and ready for work, three members show a desire to work on issues.

The first indicates that he is unsatisfied with his current work, which involves dealing with irate customers in a customer service phone bank. He expresses that he would like to be an animator in film, and specifically, with a well-known California firm that does that sort of work. Chief tests his willingness by asking "What if I told you that you could have a job as an animator in a week - would you still want to do it?" He responds in the affirmative.

Second tribe member declares that he would like to have a trading business managing money for others. Chief says well that's an easy one–all you have to do is stand up and declare you have a fund. It's that simple. It starts with that. If you have a fund then all the other stuff will come together to make that happen, but until you stand up and make that simple declaration you will dwell on all the other reasons why you don't have a fund, the things that stand in the way, and you will never have a fund. If you say you don't have a fund, you can't make it happen. What is the feeling when you think about making that declaration? Stand up and announce you have a fund and what happens.

The tribe member stands up and starts getting into the feeling of making that declaration. He starts coughing and choking. He mentions a sensitivity on the back of his neck. That when his son touches or hits him in a certain way on the back of the neck it provokes an angry response in him almost reflexively. The forms get really intense and the Chief calls "Freeze" and asks if there is a particular incident associated with this feeling? Where are you right now? What are you doing? A long silence ensues as the member, frozen in the form, is in process.

He mentions a pony. Doc Plummer, friend of his father. Said he looked cute in a hat, sunglasses and a corn cob pipe. The memory is from a visit to the town pharmacy. A picture of the scene where the tribe member was dressed this way. He recalls being afraid that his father would be angry with him for dressing up at the store.

But then he recalls that his father asked someone at the store (perhaps Doc Plummer) to take the picture. He usually always has to ask permission before doing stuff like that but in this case he didn't and he was worried his father would be mad. Recalls that when he challenges his father he would get hit on the back of the neck. His father often, to assert his authority, would brandish a shillelagh, an Irish stick with a knotted root at the end used for knocking heads.

Chief asks if he ever rebelled from that authority. Tribe member describes he stood up to his father on two occasions, once when his father was abusing tribe member's dog by hitting it. Stood up to him and told him to stop it, but he wouldn't. He (notes don't say if it was the tribe member or the father who said this and I can't recall) called him a bastard or a son of a bitch. Father got silent, stared at the tribe member for a time, and then just walked away.

On the second occasion, tribe member relates how his father had him pinned up against a cold fireplace with a table and the tribe member told him "You better f***ing kill me because this will be the last time." Father showed a similar response - he froze, stared at the tribe member, didn't respond and then just walked away.

How did he feel during this encounter? Scared.

A role play is set up with someone who plays the father.

Other tribe members express how they can relate to the rejection by the father. One says that when he asked his father to throw the ball with him he responded "I don't want to be around you."

My notes get sort of sketchy at this point because I can also relate to this scenario, not only with my own father but with my own children, my son in particular whom I sometimes put off when they approaches me for some love or attention and I am selfishly busy with something else, like writing to FAQ, and I put him off. I am sure I have given him the same sort of rejection and so thinking about how this applies in my own life takes me out of the moment of the tribe meeting a bit in terms of jotting down notes and remembering the details.

After the role playing, which wasn't a full-on rocks process, but a more flowing informal role playing, the chief asks the tribe member: "OK, now can you stand up and declare you have a fund?" He says he can. Chief then asks the member who wishes to be an animator if he is willing to stand up and declare he is an animator. He says he is willing. He then asks the third member if he is willing to declare he will plant twin-row corn in his field? He assents also and declares it forcefully to each member of the tribe.

Tribe member stands up, and when he first struggles with making the declaration he reminds me of an Olympic weight lifter standing before a huge barbell which he needs to clean and jerk - his neck is tense, his body is tensed and he strains to make the words come out but he does it. He then goes around to each of the members of the tribe in turn and declares "I have a fund." He has a particularly meaningful declaration with the person in the role play who portrayed his father. He sounds convinced and sincere in his assertion.

We then ask the member who wishes to be an animator if he wants to make an announcement. He also goes around the room, but declares that he is an animator with a bit of an angry tone. Chief polls the room to see if we can buy into his declaration and some express their doubt, saying it seemed that he was overcompensating with his angry tone for perhaps some inner doubt. He does another round in a much calmer, more matter of fact tone and everyone agrees that it sounds more convincing.

Chief declares: "Your word becomes the law of the universe. You say it and that is how it is."

We break for dinner.

After dinner we engage in a process with another tribe member (rather than chief) acting as the process manager. The subject of the process is the member who desires to be an animator, dealing with a situation where, as a young boy, his family are vacationing on the the Texas Gulf Coast and his father gets up early with an older brother and sneak out of their lodgings. The tribe member wakes up, and he has a vivid memory of seeing the back of his father's head as he exits the hotel room. He asks his mother where they are going and is told they are going fishing. Tribe member expresses his frustration, disappointment, and feeling of rejection because he wanted to go fishing too. Rock given by the mother is to suck it up, don't worry about it, stuff the feelings, shut down.

Role play is set up where the subject rejects the rock donated by the mother, and the rock donor gives him a heart rock which suggests for him to share his feelings and ask the others to share their feelings with him. So in the reenactment with the new rock, the subject shares his feelings about wanting to go fishing with the father with his mother. But then he tells his mother to stay put because he decides to go flag his father down and share his feelings about his desire to go fishing with his father.

Everyone was cheering his initiative and he gets what he wants by going for it. Seems closely related to his assertion to become an animator! He describes at one point how going to the movies and seeing the work of other animators makes him sad and regretful that he is not also an animator. His new rock of sharing feelings pack within it a behavioral response of not only sharing his feelings but acting on them and taking initiative to getting what he desires.

After this process completes and we have people released from their roles and checked out from this very encouraging process the chief asks if there is anything else to do that night, because it seemed like everyone had some relevant process work done in relation to the processes we had done so far.

At this point another tribe member expresses a willingness to bring to tribe his feeling of a need to fix his wife, as suggested by chief in a response to a FAQ entry from Tribe meeting #3. As this process was rather long and tedious, but ultimately rewarding it probably deserves a separate FAQ post.

All in all it was a very productive and engaging tribe meeting. Lots of good work got done, with good insights and process work for me as a participant with regards to my relationship with my son and my father.

I note in the week since the tribe meeting that my engagement with my children is more attentive and responsive, and when I catch myself falling into behaviors which might give them cause to feel rejected by my I correct myself and re-engage with them, sharing feelings with them and receiving their feelings of being put off by me. I feel much love and affection from them as a result, and I feel more love and affection for them.

Cheers,

Aug 23, 2013

TTP Report:
Tribe Teamwork / Clowns Popping Up

We begin by drumming. I feel relaxed after and a little tired. The process manager (PM) asks if there are any who want to work. Several tribe members (tm) raise their hands.

He asks that they describe a problem and what they want differently. They must define a goal or solution and describe what they want.

One member says he wants to start a fund. He works on different forms and the tribe encourages him to get into the forms. The PM asks him to stand up and declare he has a fund. The hot seat (HS) cannot get to his feet to make the statement. He trembles as he tries to get this out. The HS describes many things he needs to do before he can have a fund. He says he needs to learn math better, develop a system and learn programming and the list goes on and on.

I relate to this feeling. I feel on hold for some time. Some things have gone on with my health and my energy level is not what it should be. Things are getting better but slowly. I have been pushing my body also … losing weight but also trying to get my body to up regulate with more energy, focus and endurance.

I start playing basketball with some guys at the Y maybe 2 months ago. At first I cannot get up and down the court and I am very slow. When I get done I go home and fall asleep for hours just from using that much energy. As time goes by I continue even though my doctor says just moderate walking or something less strenuous.

I notice a glitch in my game that I do not remember from my youth or maybe it is more pronounced. I miss easy shots a lot as I worry a lot about the shot. There is some anxiety that prevents a free and relaxed shot. Sometimes it comes off fairly relaxed but when there is the obvious setup I seem to miss the easy bucket.

We discuss "holding back" in tribe and I relate this to playing. When I let go and give it all it seems less likely the transient freeze will occur. I notice a similar hiccup in my trading. I define the setup but when it's time to take the shot and score there is the lingering question in the back of my mind. Some anxiety or unsureness of my ability … questioning myself I am.

To stand up and declare I am worthy or I am good enough seems to be the real issue. Do I measure up? Once committed the answer must resound over and over each time YES…in taking a shot in basketball or making a trade. The conviction must be unwavering. Seems that is the ultimate expression of intention.

We have another HS who wants to change careers. I fall into the same category. We do a process where his father leaves him sleeping with his mother as his father and brother go fishing. He feels left out. His mother gives him a nice rock to sooth the bitterness and hurt. We run the process and with the new resources he chases down his father and brother. He appears to have conviction to connect with his father and brother.

In the last HS a tm wants to connect intimately with his wife. He describes an incident with the trash container that he destroys. He goes into a form and recalls his grandfather always expresses a lot of anger and his father destroys things with anger. His father destroys a lot of his personal property.

We run a role play where both the grandfather and father are advising him as he tries to discuss the trash container with his wife. It appears it is very difficult to connect with an intimate partner who is carrying around others in their head. It is an interesting process and a surrogate demonstrates creating intimacy in the situation. After observing the tm connects with his wife and shares and receives feelings.

I notice this tribe meeting mostly runs spontaneously. It is a beautiful meeting and I am reminded of basketball again and teamwork. Everyone gets into the game in the meeting…nice job.

I did read another tm's comments regarding the clown nose and, unfortunately, I clicked on the link. YouTube now has me connected with some clown nose fetish and clown nose videos are popping up everywhere. I shop online and clown noses pop up. Perhaps I have some deep dark issue about clowns or Ronald McDonald. I always feel clowns were creepy … funny to watch maybe but just don't get near me. I am sure the process is complete now.

Hi Ed,

We have a great Tribe meeting last week.

We start the meeting with a tribe member who takes to the hot seat his issue of wanting to complete a trading system. He also reports not liking when people, including his son, touch his upper back. He wonders if both issues are somehow related. First, the tribe helps him clarify what he really wants. He wants to start a fund. Two other members share with the tribe that they also want to do things and something is holding them back. One member wants to implement a new farming technique and the other wants to work as a computer animator.

Hot seat gets into forms. The tribe encourages him. He freezes the form and recalls events with his father. In both events, the father is abusive and hot seat reports feeling anger. He is also afraid that his father might hit him on his upper back. The tribe helps hot seat find a pattern. He has to learn or do things before he can complete a goal.

The process manager (PM) asks hot seat if he can declare to the tribe that he has a fund. After some minutes, he stands up and says "I have a fund". Then he goes around the tribe, makes eye contact with each tribe member and declares that he has a fund. He radiates determination. On this process, we do not do role playing and the forgiving part of the rock process. Somehow, hot seat seems ready to achieve his goal before we move to those steps.

Next, the member who wants to implement a new farming technique stands up and declares his goal to the tribe. He seems ready to implement the new technique.

Then, the member who wants to work as a computer animator stands up and declares his goal. He shows some hesitation. He reports feeling some resistance to achieve his goal.

This member takes the hot seat. He reports a pattern of finding things to distract him when he has to complete a goal. He gets into forms. He recalls an event during a family vacation. The family is staying in a motel and hot seat recalls when his father and brother leave to go fishing. They do not ask hot seat to go with them. He feels rejected.

We role play this event. As soon the father and brother leaves for fishing, the mother appears with a medicinal rock. The rock includes medicinal resource such as shut down, feel anger and feel sick to your stomach. We role play the event again. Hot seat forgives the medicinal rock to his mother. He receives a new rock with resources such as sharing and asking for feelings. We role play one more time. This time, as soon as the father and brother leave for fishing, hot seat follows them and asks if he can join. They both seem OK to go fishing with hot seat.

Then, the PM asks hot seat if he want to declare his goal to be an animator to the tribe. This time, hot seat seems more confident to start a new career.

Finally, a tribe member takes to the hot seat his issue of wanting more emotional intimacy with his wife. He reports an incident when he gets angry while fixing a garbage can. The PM suggests role playing this event. Hot seat does not seem ready to do this. He analyzes the situation and cannot get into feelings. I start to feel frustration.

PM suggests moving into something else. Hot seat insists in working on his issue. He reports not knowing what to do. I am glad hot seat persists in working on his issue. It is clear to me that he does not know what to do. He agrees to role play the garbage can event.

As soon as he starts role playing, he gets into forms. During the process, the tribe helps hot seat identify two medicinal rocks. Both rocks respond to frustration, one is to get angry and the other is to break things. The rock donors are hot seat's father and grandfather.

We role play this event. Hot seat's goal is to connect with the wife. Tribe members role play the father and the grandfather. Another tribe member role plays the wife. The father and grandfather speak at the same time. The father tells hot seat to get angry and the grandfather to break things.

The situation is a bit chaotic and hot seat does not know how to deal with it. He cannot communicate with the wife. At some point, the father and grandfather start chasing hot seat around the room. The situation is now funny.

Then, another tribe member takes hot seat's role. Hot seat just observes. The tribe member does not have an investment on this drama, so it is easier for him to deal with the situation. Tribe member realizes that he cannot communicate if the father and grandfather speak at the same time. He tells the grandfather that he needs to talk to the father first. He shares feelings with his father and then he goes back and does the same with the grandfather.

Hot seat takes over. He follows tribe member's approach. Now he can connect and share feelings with his wife.

I get a lot from the last meeting. I like how we need to have a goal as a requirement to take the hot seat. I think this helps to keep the process on track. Also, this is something we can measure.

I leave the meeting inspired. I feel happy for the tribe members who declare their goals and show determination to achieve them. I also feel envy. I wonder what is standing between me and starting my own business/achieving financial freedom. I am feeling fear now. I also feel a tingling sensation on my legs.

Thanks,

Aug 23, 2013

Tribe Report - Going After What I Want

Hi Chief,

Last meeting is a powerful one and it takes me few days to digest.

After drumming, we check in feelings. One member checks in his feeling and then tries to explain why he feels so. Ed tells him that in check in feeling circle, you share your feeling without trying to find or explain the reason. When it's my turn, I feel tired, uncertain what will happen.

Ed asks who is hot, there are 3 members have issue. One member wants to start his fund and he thinks he is stuck on math. He thinks he needs to study math. Another member wants to start a farm to grow corn. And one member wants to change career and become an animator.

The first member says that he feels nervous if someone touches his right shoulder from behind. Ed says sometime human stores his memory in various part of his body, not only the brain.

He gets into forms starting with a shaking head and groaning. He bends over with right hand into a fist on right thigh and left hand open on left thigh. Ed asks him to freeze and he tightens his body. He recalls first in a drug store with his father when he is about 7 years old. He grabs a hat, a pipe and a sun glass and dresses himself up. His father sees him and asks the clerk to take a picture for him.

He feels getting caught and scared when his father sees him. A second incident is that he sees his father beating his dog, and he asks him stop. His father stares at him and walks away. He feels scared too. The third incident is once he jokes with father that he is going to be bigger than his dad and his dad can no longer beat him. He remembers that his dad pushes him against the wall by the fire place and he feels the pain on the chest, out of breath and the fear.

He also recalls another situation, when he feels his father is going to hit him with a stick. Ed asks him where his father is going to hit him. The client looks sad and slowly raises his hand and points to the back of his right shoulder. And he starts to cry.

This early incidents triggers my own memory and feelings in my childhood of getting beaten by my mom for going out of home and exercise in the morning, and it is also the last time she beats me.

Ed says these three incidents, together with the other two member's current situations, have the same pattern, which is the client wants to do something new, something out of box and gets discouraged by either a real or projected disapproval or threat. He points out how people tends to line up obstacles before their real goal (e.g. having to learn math first before starting a fund), to delay commitment for getting what they really want. It is a huge aha for me.

The three members eventually stand up and proclaim their goals to each of the other members. During check out, one receiver member mentions that he feels empowered by the 3 members process. I agree and feel so too. I find deep in my heart my desire is to have my own business. It gets clearer to me.

The first hot seat has no role playing, instead Ed makes it into a group share feeling session, like a multi-task group session. I wonder he is doing some experiment.

The second hot seat wants to change career and become an animator. He wants to apply for job in a renowned animation company. He feels he is not fully getting into action to pursue this goal. Tribe helps him get into forms and when he freezes his form, he recall a situation in a motel when he was a young kid. That morning he sees his father and his brother get up and go out fishing by the river. When he watches them leave, he feels they don't want him to go with them and he shuts down.

One member volunteers to be the PM. He says he wants to share his feeling of being PM first. He feels nervous, his heart beats fast and sweating. I feel it's a very good way to prepare himself for the process.

Before tribe start role play this, some member are not sure what's the link between the early incident and his current goal of changing career. Ed points out that the link is the rejection. The hot seat client's reaction pattern to the feeling or fear of feeling the rejection might show up in his job application. Tribe agree that the mother must be the rock donor.

When I see the father and brother walking away, talking and laughing, I recall in my own childhood, I often feel rejection and out of loop by my best friend and his friend, I feel jealous when I watch them walking to the playground and I shutdown. I also recall in the companies I work before, I always get into such situation where I feel out of loop when watching my boss and my coworkers work together. I always shutdown and feel embarrassed to take pro-active action to get out this situation and actively stay inside loop.

Then the client role play again and follow his father and brother. He says "Hi guys, I also want to go with you". I feel I want to do so too.

The third hot seat starts with his problem with his occasional outburst of anger and breaking things. He says he sees a trash bin under the sink is derailed from it's sliding track and stuck. He tries to fix it and it doesn't work. He gets frustrated and angry and breaks the trash bin. His wife is mad about that. He tries to explain to her and she won't listen.

He starts with this story telling mode and believe his wife "should" learn TTP. Tribe encourage him stay more in the story telling and analytic mode and stay away from sending and receiving feelings. He says he is not ready for role play and there's no way to do it.

Then he says he want Ed to control the process and he just follows, for he doesn't now how to receive feelings. One member says he feel frustrated by the client. He then try to talk that member out of frustration. Ed tells him to receive that member's feeling instead of continue reasoning. He says he feels he want to do it his way, following Ed's words make him feel not being himself. Tribe recognize that he doesn't really want to release his control of the process, he actually wants to control the process. He realize that and agree to start practice receiving.

I say that he is wasting my time, he is not serious on working on his feeling, and I feel angry too. Ed remind him staying in receiving mode and just say thanks. He does so.

Then we go back to his original issue and ask him if he wants to role play the trash bin drama. He shares that his grandpa is a German like precision person. He wants everything in order precisely. He keeps talking and shows lack of energy getting into feelings and forms. Ed encourages him to stay stoic and stay still more, and the tribe cheers. He sits there with right elbow on the armrest and left hand on the thigh, keeps talking that he doesn't know how to do role play. Time passes by.

The process seems to stuck in the sleepy mode, it reminds me of a meeting I have couple month ago in my local tribe (July 6, 2013 Trading Tribe Process (TTP) Report: The Missing Memory; July 9, 2013 More on Sleepy) I also feel the danger of entire tribe trying to fix a person as Ed mentions in The Trading Tribe book. Tribe may turn from "willing to receiving" into "trying to help/fix". Somehow I feel it might be a choice for me just to rob the hot seat and see if it triggers him to get into feelings. But I concern whether it will derail Ed's plan. I wait. After a while the client still shows no sign to get started. Ed wants to give him last chance and says the client doesn't show real feeling or fear. Once I hear the word fear, I get a green light. So I raise my hand and say I am more ready for a hot seat than him. Ed asks the client if he wants to pass. (Later I notice my pattern of waiting for confirmation, something new to me after the previous meeting. "Mon, Aug 5, 2013 Tribe Report: Social Back Testing").

The client hesitates a little more time, then stands up and then lower his body with one knee on the ground, starts to play fixing the trash bin. He then starts to get frustrated and punch the floor. Tribe cheers and give him pillows and ask him to punch harder. Ed asks him to make sound, he started to go wild and roar and slam on to the pillow. His eye glass falls and the lens falls out of the frame and he throws it aside. Tribe get excited and keep relentless receiving.

When he freezes, he recalls memory of breaking something in the living room and his sister gets mad. (Now I feel the sister and his wife might has some overlay in his life drama? and it also may happen the similar the same way for myself). Tribe identify his father as the rock donor who teaches him to break things when it's out of order and hard to fix. His grandpa is the rock donor for getting angry when such things happen. I volunteer to be the father.

So we replay the fixing trash bin drama and I tell him to smash it when he get frustrated. I says once and stop. A tribe member reminds me and the other player to repeat talking to the client again and again. I get it and start to bombard the client with thoughts of destroy things when they are out of order. The client starts to look irritated our teaching and starts to move away, and we chase him. The tribe starts to cheers and the process becomes a little unorthodox or even funny. We use no rocks, no forgiving. But I am not aware of the change of the process, I get myself into the feeling of forcing things in order and if it doesn't work, breaking things to save effort, so I no longer need to feel frustrated. I repeatedly teach the client the idea. I say "when this thing out of order, just smash, get rid of it, you get instant solution." "Break it, so you don't need to feel frustration." "Smash it, you are happy right away", etc.

Then a member as a surrogate plays the client and shares his feeling of wanting to find another way to work on the things out of order. I try to insist my opinions and he seems not be affected. Then the client takes the role again and we replay the drama. When the client tells me he wants to deal with the trash bin his own way. I feel tense in my chest, and feel like there's a hand grabbing something in my chest or stomach and pull it away from me, and tightness of the skin all around my body. I tell the client that I feel that I can no long control him. In another episode, when he shares his feeling, and I firmly insist him to follow my way. I tell him I feel I can no longer help him, or he no longer needs my help. Immediately after I am aware feeling of wanting help, I feel the feeling of the father's love to his son and I say I now like the feeling that he no longer needs my help for his is a grown-up now, I express the love. I see clients has tears and we hug.

Saying love is not something usually to me. The layered manifestation of feelings of control, help and love is something automatic, when I involve deep into the drama. I feel that the client wants to hear it. It reminds me of your words, "everybody gets what they want". If a person shares his feeling in a candid way, he can find that people want to give him what he wants, people wants him to be successful. It's everybody themselves create their own reality.

I really appreciate the hot seat member's willingness to get out of himself, or his own pattern. He makes a breakthrough from getting in touch his feeling and relentlessly testing his new resource in the system. I get lots of inspirations from his session.

In rock process, it seems that there's a underground invisible machine, once getting started, it keeps on going by itself and what I need to do is following the feelings. It reveals to me how similar as human being we are, once get into the deep few elements of feelings. No matter how we differ individually in physical look, race, culture, and gender, we all have the same invisible machine. And once it starts to interact to each other, there's lot of potential for us to experience, recognize pattern, tweak, test and improve.

During the check out, tribe enjoy watching the stoic destroyer patiently fixing his eyeglass. I share with the tribe that my son is 10 and my daughter is 3, sooner or later they start to do things in their own way and I start to feel I can no longer help, or control. This session is an excellent prep for me to get ready for the trend as a loving father.

It's a intense and productive meeting. I thank you and the tribe for the effort to help each other and I feel grateful again for the experience.

When I write this report, my son approaches me and asks me to unlock the phone for him. I wants him to go eating breakfast first for he just gets up. He insists. Luckily I notice my feeling of wanting to control, and tells him I feel worry about his health of eating breakfast too late. He replies that he is actually waiting for the grandma to cook the food. I feel good about sharing my feeling with him instead of forcing him to the dinner table.

Thanks,

August 23, 2013

New Tribe: Newbury, Berkshire, UK

Dear Ed,

I follow the TT FAQ since 2005 and read your TT book a few years ago. I now feel waves of emotion which urge me to say a massive thank you for your dedication in keeping the FAQ alive and sharing your insights. Also a big thank you to all the contributors to FAQ who so willingly share experiences to help others. I benefit greatly from everyone's sharing on FAQ.

My journey so far. I follow the FAQ and in 2011 find references to Holotropic Breath Work. I give Holotropic Breath Work a go. I change, my life changes and drama reduces. I discover more about how I feel and what makes me tick. This feels good and surprisingly I notice emotions and how they manifest in my body. I now attend breath work sessions 2-3 times a year and very much enjoy the process and community.

I now feel more peaceful than I have in the past and subsequently share more of my feelings with friends, intimate partners and family. I discover that, although not always easy,encouraging my feelings opens more doors than bottling them up does.

In 2010 FAQ contributes to me improving my diet (I become a Vegan) and starting to run a few times a week. In 2013 I feel connected to those around me and join the Quakers - "Society of friends". I meet like minded spiritual people and enjoy sharing my time with gracious and open minded friends. Everyone is welcome and support is freely given. Significant parts of my life evolve without much effort and those around me notice my weight loss and more peaceful nature.

The time feels right to set-up a tribe in Newbury, Berkshire, UK to share my feelings and explore more with others. I feel a strong desire to give some thing back and become less self-contained. I feel tingling in my cheeks and hope I have interest from 2 close friends to join me in trying TTP.

Attached are my details. Should you wish to add them to the FAQ TT list please do so.

It felt good and made me smile seeing the pictures of you and your son and daughter on TT website. Thank you for sharing.

Many thanks and best wishes to you and your family.

Take care.

Aug 21, 2013

TTP Report: Different Processes / Standing Out

Ed

The last tribe meeting was learning experience that I am still trying to comprehend all that happened. We used different processes than is typical. It appears the chief is comfortable in trying new things. It is interesting and challenging to work with a group that is comfortable bringing out issues they would unwilling to express in any other group.

After the first check-in on how we are feeling, Chief allows everyone a check-in on progress that has been made since the last meeting. It is great to feel the excitement and happiness expressed.

I still have a fear that when I am on the hotseat a memory may come up that I don't wish to express to the group. It hasn't happened but I do have the feeling of worry that it may come out. I accept the fear and almost look forward to having it happen to see what happens.

A tribe member brings up the memory and feelings of interfering in a process that is not usually done in a tribe session. Ed makes a statement that the point of the process is to go through it and to experience it.

This statement helps me to clarify what we are doing here. The tribe work provides a safe place so the hotseat can go through a process that may cause fear but is necessary to experience so the hotseat can make the change they are seeking. I see the experience of the tribe member that went a little too far as a learning experience for all of us.

Chief asks who has something they want to work on. A few state their issues. In ways they are all connected. One tribe member wants to have a fund. Chief asks him to stand up and verbalize he has a fund. It's that simple.

Member seems to have a problem doing that. It is amazing that all he needs to do is stand up and say a few words yet he can't. Hotseat states that when he has a goal or dream he seems to always put roadblocks in his way. For example, while wanting to have a trend following fund, hotseat decides he needs to know some higher-level math and sets out to learn it. This allows him to get frustrated and stop pursuing his goal. This seems to be a repeating occurrence in his life.

Hotseat gets a form and comments that he hates when people touch a point on his upper back. We learn likely why he hates that feeling and doesn't like it even when his son touches him there. The story becomes very intense as we learn more of the story. Eventually the hotseat stands and announces he has a fund. During the break the hotseat finds his first investor. I believe Ed states that you must make a declaration and be able to handle the feeling. If your not willing to feel the feeling, you cannot move forward. I am slowly able to feel the feeling of fear of failure and the fear of standing out.

We go into another process as 2nd hotseat is not happy in his job similar to one of last tribe sessions hotseats. I am not sure he knows what he really wants to do but he is not fulfilled in his present profession. We go through a process where he feels rejection from his dad and brother and learns how to handle the rejection from his mom. As we role play he is able to fore-give the rock back to his mom. And possibly more importantly he quickly runs after his dad and brother asking to along fishing with them. I think this was one of the best moments in tribe as he really didn't worry about the rejection he just wanted to live a great life and have wonderful experiences.

Through my tagging along these two processes I feel released to pursue my dreams and goals. I have been thinking and feeling about the things that hold me back. I fear some judgment by others if I go way out. I always fear walking into a room of strangers or starting a new relationship thinking I'm not good enough. With my process I feel released to move forward on my goals and dreams. A dear friend that does her best to live right livelihood and loves encouraging people and exploring showed this quote to me.

Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will never die, but long after we are gone will be a living thing, asserting itself with ever-growing insistency. Remember that our sons and grandsons are going to do things that would stagger us. Let your watchword be order and your beacon beauty. Think big. -D. Burnham

In the last process hotseat expresses frustration with his relationship with his wife. He makes this statement, "If she could experience TTP then she would change". I felt saddened as I heard this from tribe member as he wants to live an intimate-centric life but is struggling. The model of TTP expresses that we don't use TTP to change people, we change and magically the people around us change.

Hot seat struggles with giving up control during his hotseat and consistently puts up roadblocks to prevent us from moving forward. I feel hotseat doesn't know how to move forward but I also wonder how the hot seat knew exactly how to stop from moving forward and block every avenue working the process. I feel hotseat wants to move forward but something very strong in him is fighting the change.

We are able to support the hotseat into a role play, which is almost a hybrid of processes that seems to work very well. Hotseat is able to communicate with his wife and feels a breakthrough in how he feels about the situation. I feel respect for him as I have struggled allowing my emotions to show.

I look forward to our next meeting and hearing about progress and the new changes that will occur.