May 20, 2013

Sacramento Tribe Report
Abandonment - Part II (see Part I, below)

Hi Ed,

This part almost wrote itself after I accepted the feelings.

Thank you - thank you - thank you.

Part Two

I apologize for abandoning in the middle of TT report. I am typing at the library as not online at home except for smart phone. The library closes at 5pm during the last report and the computer clock was off one hour. I may have to write in segments today as well.

I find myself getting "hot" as I feel the emotions to recount the TT meeting and crying silently in public in the library. Ed tells me today on the phone to acknowledge the feeling and it will dissolve.

I remember feeling strange as I view the role players re-enacting my life. They are accurate. I can see how caring my parents are with me. I can see how they are performing their "jobs" in life. I am glad to get a break from the intense emotion of abandonment and be an observer.

As Ed says sometimes the Hot Seat gets too hot and is unable to progress. I am repeatedly checked for willingness to continue.

The role play resumes with me again. I am reborn with new proactive skills. I crawl away from my mother, my father picks me up. He holds me tenderly in his arms and I snuggle into his chest. My mother comes and explains that Daddy has to leave right now, but he will return. She will take good care of me even though it does not feel the same. They tell me they love me and are both hugging me and gently rocking all of us together.

Ed asks how the black hole feels. I feel a warm glow beginning to fill up the black hole with bright light, like a golden sparkler glowing. It feels good, safe, warm, loving. My mother explains that when Daddy returns we will all be together. I am sad when he leaves. But I am not feeling the prior despair of black hole abandonment. Everyone returns to their seats.

This is demanding work. I am repeatedly checked for willingness to continue. I feel compelled to continue, that I am unwilling to put up with the K-NOTS any longer. I am tired of them running my life and wish to replace them with proactive responses.

I am holding 3 rocks in my hands that I have been carrying around in my car from last months TT meeting. Ed asks if I want to get rid of them. "Yes" I respond. OK put the rocks down he says.

Weird--- I can't put them down. I am still hanging on to my K-NOTS! They are just rocks from the Truckee River but they represent so much more. I remember yelling "Just look at me!" (referring to my extra pounds). It takes me several attempts to put them down.

Ed explains to the group that this may happen. It is humorous and I chuckle. It is time to forgive the rocks back to the rock donors. To my mother I forgive medicinal rocks of constant activities, overeating / dieting, over-working. She does not make it easy to give them back. I have to really work at it and make several attempts until she is convinced her gifts to me do not work for me. I thank her for her gift from her heart but the rocks do not help me to succeed.

To my father I forgive back to him the medicinal rocks of drinking, working too much, and relationships with men that abandon me. They worked for him and he wants them to work for me… but they don't. Again he does not make it easy and it seems like it takes a long time to convince him to let me forgive them back to him. Eventually he lets me hand him the rocks.

I am given a new empowering rock by the person who plays me. It contains most of the proactive responses discussed and suggested by the group. Some that did not apply are left out. I ask if I can add enjoyment of healthy food and healthy relationships. And that is added to the new rock. Most importantly is to share my feelings and be willing to receive others feelings. Also to listen to what my body is telling me. It is stated by Ed that I will just know when to stop eating without effort.

I thank each of the role players individually and release them from their role and welcome them back as my friend. One role player I had forgotten about during the process and had to laugh at myself. It is the person who played a lover who had left me. I asked him to stay but he said "I'm outta here!" with his arms waving in disgust at the first role play. He isn't a rock donor so he was outta the role play early.


In check out my "mother" shares her feelings of being left out, and trying to bond with me. This is a huge AHA.

In my "fathers" check out he shares that he does not have children yet but can see the importance of spending time early on with his infants when he does begin a family.

In my alter "me" he shares that he will take the time to bond with his daughter and watch a family movie in which she tells him she loves him and he does not know how to respond. Ed gives him "home work" in which when they watch it now he will tell her "I love you." back at the appropriate time.

After the close of the meeting a jam session spontaneously takes place in the lobby. Ed on Banjo, TT member on Guitar… Love the music! It is just icing on the cake for me. :0)

This process is amazing, accurate in pinpointing the true issues, and effective. I am feeling lighter having lost 8 pounds so far effortlessly. I am dating again with healthy boundaries.

May 20, 2013

Winding down Silicon Valley Tribe

Hi Ed,

Some weeks ago I declare my intention to grow my trading tribe. The intention manifests itself in applications for membership from a number of individuals. Looking over the applications, and into the kinds of commitments I want to make, I realize that my intention and my declarations diverge. I accept that my intention is wind down my trading tribe. Accordingly, I'm asking you to remove its information from the tribe directory.

May 20, 2013

Nocturnal Remissions

Hi Ed,

I am wondering if you receive reports of "side effects" of TTP work, at least in the short term.

I find myself very emotional about the process of giving up my favorite self-defeating defenses.

I know it's happening (letting go) and I want it to happen, but I find myself fearful, and possibly grieving, about the loss. I don't think I'm clear about what I'm actually losing.

I understand it intellectually, but the fear and anxiety make understanding a feeble ally.

Then the next moment I am feeling really happy, optimistic and willing.

Maybe it's just me, but I wanted others to know so they aren't surprised if they find themselves on a roller coaster.

I continue to find asking Fred to send me a dream to be an extraordinarily helpful technique.

This morning, still on the above-referenced roller coaster, I woke up with an hour left to sleep and asked Fred for help.

He sent me a dream that basically told me I didn't have to sit around watching for anything or trying to understand anything, that it would all happen while I was "doing something else", and that it would work out just fine. When I awoke from this dream I had a smile on my face, opened my eyes and said, "Thanks, Fred!"

Thanks for all you do,

May 20, 2013

Fear and Shyness

Ed,

I want to change a few things that have been with me most of my life. I am shy, fearing rejection and worrying that others are judging me in a negative light. It has held me back from many success relationships both in intimate and businesses relationships. Along with this is a fear of failure.

I ran track in college and was successful but when I stepped on the track I was so fearful of failing or not winning. I was always complimented on my ability to kick at the end with a fierce fight to win. Well, that was because I couldn't stand the thought of not winning or being 'not relevant'.

What I want is a life that I enjoy meeting people and if there is someone I want to meet, I have no problem meeting them and having a good intimate conversation. I want to like myself and know that other people will like me also.

I grew up so fearful to talk to women for fear of rejection or not being good enough I let so many wonderful moments get away. In business, I have quietly sat by when I could have had success in one-way or another. Even today I use my weight to not meet women.

I am not obese as I'm 6'1" and 240 pounds though in my mind I don't think any great lady would be interested. I may also use this as an excuse to keep people at a distance.

I many times won't even go out with a woman as I know I am likely not interested in a longer term commitment and hate the thought of having to reject her when I didn't want to see her again. I don't her to feel the feeling I fear. Does that make sense?

When I go to a conference, I want to walk in and not be seen and slowly meet people. That is not a way I want to live.

I have many memories of me being scared to be outgoing though as a young boy I was very outgoing and fun. I want to be that person again.

Thank you.

May 20, 2013

Cancer Research

Dear Ed,

This Friday I attend my second tribe meeting, on which I intend to report during the course of this week.

Right now, I want to share with you (and with interested FAQ readers) the third edition of the research paper titled "PSP94, what is it good for?" (http://www.psp94.com/psp94_20130421.pdf). I also enclose a presentation that simplifies and summarizes the concepts more thoroughly expressed in the paper.

I am extremely excited and happy: I see that the author makes much progress since the second edition. He now goes as far as to speculate that the elusive microorganism that seems to play a fundamental role in the development of prostate cancer may also play the same role in many late-stage cancers that originate from epithelial tissues and even in other, disparate illnesses like reactive arthritis and even multiple sclerosis! I feel this research is outright revolutionary! It has the potential of shifting the focus of cancer therapy from treatment to prevention, since the microorganism seems to belong to the fungi realm and may be killed or significantly weakened with the use of simple antifungal drugs. At the very least it promises to significantly increase our understanding of how cancer develops. I have the strong intention of helping to get the word out about this research.

Since the author of the paper isn't a trained biologist (but rather an engineer) and hence not one of the cognoscenti he receives little attention and a good dose of scornful responses from the medical community, but he does not lose his interest in the subject and his willingness to continue in his research efforts, at his own expense: it reminds me of your experience with "Bernoulli abuse".

It also reminds me of the many historical instances in which a single committed individual has made a huge positive contribution to the world, often against the indifference or the outright opposition of "those who matter".

This elicits some anger and frustration and also reinforces my determination to publicize the research. I am also inspired by the author, who never complains or vents about the establishment's disinterest, but rather simply focuses on gathering even more evidence (and thus manages to make many amazing breakthroughs) and on figuring new, more effective ways to get attention. I also feel that this is like an avalanche (or an extremely powerful trend): once it has gathered enough momentum, good luck stopping it! Here we are in the early stages of this trend and I am happy to help pushing it a little further.

I share with you this info with the purpose of furthering knowledge in an extremely important field.

I hope you find the research interesting and if you do, I ask you to share it with other people who may be interested in it and who may contribute to spread it further.

I receive permission (and actually even encouragement) to share the info from the author.

Best,

May 19, 2013

The East Lake Village Tribe Is Growing

Hi Chief Ed,

We have two new members joining East Lake Village Tribe this month. I am planing a new session of TT meetings.

Thanks,

May 19, 2013

Bragging Rights / Pompous Prognosticators

Dear Ed,

Bragging Rights

I suspect you might already be aware of this magazine cover and the article: http://goo.gl/hBjdx

Pompous Prognosticators

I find the antithesis and education in this link priceless: http://goo.gl/qhMgc

How cool are history and psychology! Thank you for teaching their importance. J

Regards,

May 19, 2013

Sacramento Tribe Meeting Report

Hi Ed,

Good to see you last week in the Sacramento tribe.

During the meeting, a tribe member works on her issue of abandonment. She recalls first experiencing this feeling when she is 6 weeks old. Right after she is born, her mother gets sick and stays at the hospital. Her father brings her home and takes care of her. She likes being close to her father while he is taking care of her. However, as soon as the mother recovers and returns home, the father leaves and stop being close to her. He is very busy working and studying.

We role playing the event to gain more insights about hot seat issue. Hot seat reports a feeling in her chest. When she experiences this feeling, she medicates it with eating, drinking and shutting down. In the process, hot seat defines those responses as medicinal. I notice that we do not judge if those responses are good or bad. Later in the process, hot seat has the opportunity to choose to keep them or to change them. I see this as part of the willingness testing during the process. We also identify the father and the mother as the rock donors.

We first role play the event with a surrogate. Then, hot seat takes over. This time, she can choose to keep the medicinal rock or to forgive it to the donors. She finally forgives the rock to the donors. Then the PM asks the tribe for proactive responses for hot seat. These are responses hot seat can use in situations like the one we are role playing.

In this process, I role play the "father". Now I recall that during the first role playing, as soon as the "mother" returns from the hospital, I quickly leave to take care of work and my studies.

However, after the surrogate forgives the medicinal rock and receives the new responses, we role play the event again. This time as soon as the "mother" returns, I just do not want to leave. I want to be close my "wife" and "daughter." I recall closing my eyes and being in some kind of ecstasy state. I basically forget about the process and role playing.

When we role play the event with hot seat, again I feel thankful for this opportunity to be close to my "daughter". During this last role playing, I recall that I actually leave at the end. However, this time is more like "I do not really want to leave and I want to stay close to you. I can back as soon as I finish my work".

During checkout, still in the "Father" role, I recall saying that I always think my role is to provide to the family. Also, that I do not want to interfere with my "wife" role to take care of her "daughter". I also thank hot seat, "my daughter", for let me know that she wants to be close to me and for helping me realize that I also want to be close to her.

This family experience during role playing is new to me. I do not have children. I also do not recall this family experience with my parents either. I am starting to realize that this is something that I also want in my life. However, when I think about children, I immediately have thoughts of lots of work, extra responsibilities, etc.

Finally, I want to thank all participants especially hot seat for working through her issue. Also, I want to thank you Ed for managing the process and for explaining us each step in detail.

Best,

May 19, 2013

System Design

Hi Ed

Thanks for taking the other end of my trade I gave you $ you gave me TTP Book

I have now completed the back testing of a number of instruments.

I tested instruments 10Yr T Bills, Corn, Eur/Usd, GBP/Usd ,Gold, Soybean, SP500, Sugar, Wheat, WTI oil and Silver,

I followed the Donchian 'N' breakout System using 'n' as the stop loss (exit) eg 4N/2n I have used weekly data for all testing. I tested 4/2, 6/2, 10/2, and 15/5

The reasoning behind choosing weekly data. Is being a full time teacher. I do not have the time to look at charts daily. I do not want to study charts daily. I only want to put my orders in when the markets are closed. And I am very happy with that.

So onto the results:

The best results ie the best gains were

Sugar 15/5 chance of win 42.9%
Eur/Usd 10/2 chance of win 51.4%
Gold 4/2 chance of win 44.8%
SP500 4/2 chance of win 44.5%
Corn 10/2 chance of win 50.0%
Silver 15/5 chance of win 36.1%

Having had discussions with my wife. We have decided to drop silver from the portfolio. We will stick to the other 5 instruments and trade them according to their 'best' N/n parameters.

What you may be wondering happened to other instruments? The net gains were overall negative.

I was very surprised about GBP/USD however this instrument has trends but even with 4/2 the gain was overall negative -651.70 pips over 1000 weeks!

Thanks for setting me on this path. Looking back at FAQ's it is the image of the large woman in her blue shorts that sticks in my mind.

The 'aha' moment was one size/system does not fit all. And I went out and proved it to myself.

Thanks for giving me useful exercise which I shall put into practice

May 18, 2013

Wants to Interview Ed

Dear Ed,

Your interview with Jack appears in 1989 in his MW.

I am curious. Is Ed ready for an email interview by a person or a group of persons who visit his web site and read FAQs? Is Ed willing?

Pl inform.

May 18, 2013

Son Moves In After Divorce

Dear Ed,

I am in the process of going through my divorce.

My 17 year old Son decides to shift to another city and reside with me.

Our personalities are different. I want this opportunity to build long lasting strong father son relationship.

Suppose you are in my place. How are you handling the situation? How are you taking advantage of this opportunity?

Your views please.

May 18, 2013

Speculation

Dear Ed,

Thanks for enlightening me about May 14, 2013 Self-Fulfilling Judgment.

This now explains to a great extent, my NPAs of years 1995- 2001 which erodes my capital to 18%. Yes erosion of 82% when I do not include my RE. NPAs In loans and one big time investment in Pvt Equity deal of a co about to go public but has not. I still feel they are not cheaters. That also means I may be absolutely gullible even in the present moment of now.

Rocks I am carrying even without realizing till I read Ed's reply today.

Grandfather gives me a rock in 1982: Speculation is bad. You can get wiped off very fast. Never ever gamble or speculate. He has seen his family fortunes getting wiped off. He has seen lots of poverty due to his elder brother's losing family fortunes in cotton futures, stocks speculations and horse racing.

He by working hard has become rich. I do not trade and am carrying that rock since 1982. So I inherit at least two rocks from him till I read Ed's FAQ May 14, 2013 Self-Fulfilling Judgment.

Rocks that I inherit from my mother: If we are nice Karma Theory brings in nice people in our lives. It is law of attraction according to her. Another rock from her: Always listen to elders. They are your well wishers. Now I realize: but they may be wrong and I may be right! The car that is useful to them is not useful to me. One size does not fit all.

Feelings that I do not feel fully runs my life and makes me susceptible to authority syndrome. AHA!

I meet [Trainer] during his visit to my city. My question to him is How can a successful investor become a successful trader? I do not remember his exact reply but he basically means that I will find it very difficult. Another Rock! AHA!

Rocks that others are carrying as per FAQs are enlightening me.

I now take positive intentions of all feelings and decide to experience them fully and benefit from them.

Thank you so much for last few days replies. They open by eyes and create a brand new world for me.

Take care and thanks again for all the enlightenment. May be my mother is right about nice people. You are very nice to all of us on FAQs.

I do not put my name at the end of my email. That saves you time as you do not have to delete it.

May 17, 2013

Coding and SVO-p

Hi Chief,

I am modeling my back testing software system with Use Case and UML.

I play with this Use Case for couple days and find many places to improve. And it ends up with the new version 1.2.

I find the much better v1.2 are all about SVO-p. "Trader" "make trade", "Performance Manager" "manage performance" and "BrokerageSimulator" "simulate broker", etc.

Thanks,

May 17, 2013

East Lake Village Tribe Report:
Yet Another Rocks Process in May

Hi Chief Ed,

This Monday we have our first Rock Process in our TT meeting, and it turns out more successful than what I expect. I feel that once the system starts to roll, we naturally know what to do.

We start with updating snapshot. One member updates his snapshot of seeing himself sitting in his newly upgraded home office with confidence to catch a nice trend. The office is decorated well with pictures on the wall, and dog sleeping on the floor. He can see banana tree on beach from one window and feels the breeze.

I present my snapshot of finishing my backtesting. Recently I decide to end discretionary trading and build a fully automatic trading system and do thorough back testing cross all major markets. The system design involve modeling with Use Case, UML, and coding with JAVA and MySQL data base and scripts. In the snapshot, I see myself sitting on a chair, there are 3 monitors behind me on the desk, the left one shows the source code window, the middle is the chart of back testing, and the right screen shows nice performance on the equity curve. I see my face with smile and satisfaction of achievement.

One member comments that he doesn't see what the office look like. It triggers some feeling, for I feel hard to find a place to place my snapshot. Actually I always move around my house and don't find a comfortable place where I feel settle down. Eventually I find that I put my snapshot in my backyard in front of the swimming pool. (interestingly, since the next day of the TT meeting, I start to work on my trading system in my backyard, by the pool and landscape).

Another member updates his snapshot as seeing himself standing in front of his laptop, and the laptop has a portable hard drive. He focuses on his trading. He says he doesn't care where he stays. He keeps moving, but himself, the laptop, and the hard drive are 3 constant elements in the snapshot. Tribe member comment that this makes him jump out of the surroundings.

I ask him how he feels if he put himself in a fixed environment. He says he feel uncomfortable if he stays at one place so he keep moving to move away from that feeling. This triggers other member's feeling about moving. Another member shares his feeling that he is always moving in his life and his wife doesn't understand him. He gets an Aha about his life style.

The rock process.

The client reports that he wants to tell his fiancée that he wants to go to bachelors' party before he gets married. But he feels hard to say it. He is afraid that this can disappoint her. He feels he can't speak out what he wants.

I ask him whether he wants to experience the feeling when he wants to talk about this with his fiancée. He goes ahead and gets into several forms. The tribe cheer him while he experiences his feelings.

He bends over, puts his elbows on his knees, crosses his arms and presses his hands on his chest, he lowers his head to his chest and starts rock back and forth. He says he feels hurt. His raise his heels and scrunch his shoulders. Tribe encourage him go tighter and hold. His starts to tremble. I ask him to freeze and keep all the feelings to the maximum. He gets into some trance. I ask him whether he recalls any other earlier incidence when he feels the same feelings of shutting down. He says no.

Then he starts getting into the forms again. This time he goes bigger movements and starts to slouch off the sofa and squad on the floor. He squeezes his body with arms crossed and head bend over, with fetal position. He stays this way for a while. Later he goes back to his seat and arches back and stretches his legs. He closes his eyes and puts one hand on his forehead. I ask him again whether he recalls any memory. He says yes.

He starts to tell the tribe his experience when he is 8 years old. One night after getting into his bed, he overhears the conversation between his parents in the living room. His father is talking to his mom. "I don't know what is wrong with [client's name], He seems to always daydream and space out. Is he on drugs? I don't believe he can find job when he grows up". Client feels hurt. He tells tribe he never talks about this to his parents and try to ignore this.

Tribe starts to role play. One tribe member plays his father, he starts to talk about the client the way as what happens before. The client gets into the forms. We repeat this two times. And I ask client and tribe, do we find a rock here. Tribe agrees we see a rock. And also raise that the Mom might be the original donor of the rock. Since she doesn't stand up for her son when the father ridicules the client.

So the tribe role play again. Right after client gets into the form. I handle him a rock and tell him this is his rock, the way he choose to response to his feeling. the client accepts the rock and experiences and acknowledges his shutting down. I ask him to hold the rock and feel the feeling.

Then we role play again. This time when client gets into the form. I ask the client whether he wants to keep the rock or forgive it. The client hesitates a little and says he wants to give me back the rock. He hands over the rock to me and when I get it, I feel he is not well ready to let go. I wait and ask his intention. He forgives. I ask him how he is feeling. He says he feel unfamiliar feeling and emptiness. He feels lost or disoriented.

I ask the tribe to construct more resources for the client. The other tribe member suggests that he can write a letter to his father and share his feeling with him. The client comes out with an idea to speak out loud to his younger self, it's OK to daydream, many bright people do so, even scientists. His father just doesn't understand this. He likes this self affirmation. I suggest he can talk to his mom and share his feeling.

I hand over 3 rocks to him and tell him these are his new rocks. He holds the rocks in his hand and I ask him to feel the feelings of making the new moves when he has the same feelings.

So we restart role play. After the father finishes his comment, the client stays stills for about 5 seconds, then I hand him a paper and a pen, ask him to start write letter. He does so and he share with tribe when he does this, he wants to cry. Tribe cheer his progress with his new rock.

We role play again. This time the client hesitates less time before his starts writing.

Then we role play and ask the client to experience the 2nd new resource. He starts to talk to himself and encourage himself to be who he is. Tribe ask him to speak even louder and be more assertive. He starts to like it and talking to himself louder.

After this, we start the practice the 3rd resource, and I play the mom. The client talk to me that he hears what his father says and he feels hurt about it and also feels hurt since I don't speak for him. I apologize and tell him it's OK for him to daydream and his father doesn't really mean it. His father might be bothered by something else from his work.

One tribe member asks what the client's father's vocation is. Client says his father has a managerial position. Tribe realize that the father might be also just talking about his son the same way as he relates to his subordinates. The client reaches another Aha here.

Then I ask the client how he feels about his current situation. Client says he wants to talk to his fiancée about what he wants and he also wants to write her to share his feeling.

During the checkout, the client thanks the tribe member who plays his father and he thinks the member plays accurately how his father does. He makes a farewell to his old rock and hold his new rocks tight. He thanks the tribe for the work and release the tribe from the roles.

Thanks,

Friday, May 17, 2013

Teachers

Ed,

My list of people from whom I learn a lot includes Warren Buffett, Charlie Munger, Peter Lynch and Phil Fisher. The list now also has Ed Seykota.

Ed, I do not know whether people tell you this but I want to: I love You. You are much elder to me (and will remain so even in the non-existent future forever!) and I am thankful that due to Jack's MW, I know about you.

Thanks for all the guidance you give to all of us.

Take care and best of the best wishes to you and your family.

May 17, 2013

Committing to Right Livelihood

Dear Ed,

Much time passes since I last write.

During this time I check FAQ often to see if you are updating. There are many things that take place that I remember wanting to write to FAQ about. One day I check and I see FAQ is back, I feel an immediate rush and call a friend to tell him you are updating FAQ.

More time pass, more things happen and I do not write. I just can't seem to get back into opening up and sharing my feelings. Today I want to share.

One of the huge things that happens while FAQ is offline is both my parents become ill and cannot care for themselves. There is so much work I do in finding care for them it becomes almost a full time job.

As this is going on I know that their time on earth is short and I am full of conflicted feelings. This relates to a severely dysfunctional childhood. I write to FAQ about it in this post "– Mon., 15 Oct. 2007 – Submits to Anger". What I do not write about in that post is that my father has a severe mental illness. He suffers from Depression with major psychotic thoughts that run his life.

The troubling things that happen though out his life will fill a book, so I will just say that as a child I was embarrassed by him constantly and on more than one occasion he crossed the boundaries of normal parenting while I was asleep.

This is something I never talk about; I have never shared this with anyone, ever. At night my dad would sneak into my room and because his mind was not firing right he felt he needed to put some kind of wired stuff on my private parts. I think he felt it would help ward off infections. I guess he thought he would help? All I know is I was pissed and when I became old enough I told him I would smash his f…ing head with a baseball bat if he ever touched me again.

I was a teenager the last time it happened. I felt much anger about it then, but now I feel shame and I feel I have issues around intimacy, control and authority. Further, I am impatient, I procrastinate, I have anxiety, I day trade and win or lose I have anger when I day trade. My longer term trading is not consistently functioning in line with any trend following system.

Last year both my parents passed, my mom passed first in July and my Dad passed in Dec.. I was with them both as this unfolded. It is a difficult memory filled with sadness and tears.

I can say for sure there is less intensity around the feelings now, but I remember it all and for me it is a tough thing to deal with. The death of my father came so close to my mom it hit the whole family hard. He went an unbelievable 17 days after he stopped eating and drinking. At the time I almost felt like he was trying to prove something to me or do something for me.

I know he did not just fight to stay alive like that for nothing; 10 months earlier he tried to commit suicide. I think because he was so depressed about his and my mother's life at that time. The Dr. and hospice nurses said lasting over 12 days was unheard of and each day they would say "it just can't go on". I spent my entire life angry at my parents and as I sat with them while they were dying somehow I softened, now I am just sad and I miss them. I want to talk to them, I want to see them, and tears fill my eyes. Now I can remember many good times that previously eluded me; I now have nice memories to go with the troubled memories.

In addition, just after my father passed, I developed a lemon size lipoma on the front of my right shoulder and bursitis that affects the same shoulder. So far treatment has not helped.

With this writing I am admitting to you and the extended tribe that I am not achieving right livelihood and I am performing at some drama filled level in all areas of my life. I realize that if I do not change I will reach the end of my life and what I have now is what I will have in that now. I do not like my now! I just started a list of my negative qualities and caught myself; I am listing what I want.

I want to experience right livelihood. I want my now focused on right livelihood. I want an intimate relationship with my wife. I want a loving and healthy essential tribe. I want to sleep at night. I want many close friends that I can receive and share with. I want a clean and organized work place. I want a beautiful, well-kept and organized house. I want to finish projects and maintain focus on my current project. I want to complete all of my unfinished projects. I want all of my current financial obligations paid in full. I want to follow trends. I want a well thought out and tested trading system that fits me and I relax and I follow it. I want positive monthly cash flow. I want to report my progress to FAQ.
I commit and intend to get what I want!

Thank you Ed for your commitment and continued support to all of us!

Warm regards,

May 16, 2013

TTP Rocks Process - Lasting Gains - I Love My New Life

Ed,

I'm-a gonna tell you how it's gonna be
A-you gonna give-a your love to me
I wanna love you night 'n day
You know my lover, not fade away
A-well, you know my lover, not fade away

-- Charles Hardin (Buddy Holly) & Norman Petty, 1957

I check-in at an Incline Village Tribe meeting four years ago last month. I feel agitated and shake my hands lightly as I speak. The Chief and other Tribe members help me get into the form until I am really a-movin' an' a shakin'.

Hearing Chief's voice through my haze, I freeze in mid-form and respond to the question "what are you thinking about?" Immediately I find the answer in a very old memory.

I am five years old at my grandparent's house. My grandfather, whom I revere yet see little of, is home and I run towards him through the house.

At full little-kid speed I trip on the carpet edge and fly forward headfirst into the sharp corner of coffee table. Lots of blood. Pain and crying but I do all I can to suck it up and be a man like my grandpa.

Parents drive me to the hospital. I am on a hospital bed with a doctor and a nurse ready to stitch up the cut. I tell the nurse to just go ahead and do it, I promise not to move. I feel as strong as Superman and want them all to see it. Instead, they roll my arms tightly in a blanket stretched over my chest. They do not ask or inform me what is happening or suggest why this might be in my best interest. I cannot move.

I am furious. They do not trust me. They do not believe me. They do not know that I am Superman. As the nurse's hand approaches my forehead with the needle, her thumb hangs temptingly close to my mouth. I latch on like a pit bull. Other nurses eventually free her and sedate me with a syringe that looks fit for thoroughbred horses. I can still vividly picture the nurse rushing out the door holding her thumb and shaking her head, but I never learn how badly she is hurt. Now years later I wonder and feel a mixture of shame and regret. In the moment in that hospital bed, though, I feel trapped and desperate and hot with humiliation and pain.

Over the years whenever I experience a setback involving people trying to control me, I experience subconsciously that same trapped feeling of a prisoner in a blanket, just like I did in that hospital bed. I medicate with alcohol to make the feeling go away.

This goes on for my entire career. A bottle of wine every day or two. More on weekends. I try to quit from time to time without success. One of my children takes up drinking in his teen years. No doubt he follows my example. He gets into trouble with the law and has a nearly successful suicide attempt. Fortunately he has straightened out completely and is a successful engineer and father now.

The Chief asks if I want to take this issue to the hot seat. I tell him I am scared. I truly am. I tell him that I am extremely reluctant to experience that prisoner-in-a-blanket feeling again, but instantly I think and then say aloud that I really want to get to the bottom of this, and yes please I'll take the hot seat. At this moment in my life I have no idea that the childhood hospital experience has anything to do with my drinking problem.

We do the rocks process. It is very similar in structure to that in Sacramento described elsewhere on this page of FAQ.

The actors do a wonderful job. I even have a real anesthesiologist tapping my forehead as though doing stitches. The experience is so real that I am completely taken back into that hospital room in my mind. At the peak of the Rocks process simulation, there is high tension in the room.

Suddenly I feel an enormous rush of grief pour out of my brain like a supernova. I hear the Chief say "THERE" (he is obviously in close empathic communion with my feelings). The action quickly fades. All give me space to recover and relax.

I relinquish my medicinal rock to my mother, who typically lashes out when "cornered." She must feel it an effective resource. Although I hate it when she does that, it seems that I have accepted it as a gift from her. Now I recognize that it is not a productive resource for me.

At the end of my Rocks Process I have a new rock embedded with several new resources including sharing my feelings, asking others to do the same, negotiating agreements and going with the flow. My medicinal response of an aggressive defense is also included for emergencies.

There is no mention during the Rocks process or after, nor any discussion with any Tribe member or my family later, about the association of alcohol with this childhood event.

As I drive home after midnight, I find myself saying in my mind "I love my new life." The phrase sticks and I have a new mantra.

Over the next three months or so I occasionally have the urge to drink some wine, at home or at a business social. The feeling is something like "oh, that used to make me feel good." When that happens I silently repeat my new mantra "I love my new life" and the feeling passes.

Now, four years later, I have not touched alcohol again and feel no urge. Just as interesting, I completely stop taking the few pharmaceuticals that I used to ingest, save a vitamin pill daily.

I now believe that the Rocks Process, done well, works to remove the root cause of medicinal behaviors in addition to providing alternative resources to deal with situations that trigger same. The fact that a 40-year drinker can simply stop, without recidivism or regret for now over four years, is testimony to its effectiveness. It does not fade away.

Thank you Chief for giving the world TTP. It is a very effective technology.

Sincerely,

May 16, 2013

The Old Man Returns

Ed,

I missed you old man.* I'm glad you are back. Your FAQ page has helped me to see the forest through the trees; in trading and in life. Thank you so much!

*Old implies wise

May 16, 2013

Questions and Judgments

Dear Ed,

I enjoy reading the recent exchange between you and various FAQ contributors on how to effectively implement the Rocks Process.

I wish to share with you my observations.

In my opinion the by far most critical aspect of the process is the ability of the Process Manager to "freeze it" at exactly the right time, when Hot Seat is at the height of his emotional experience. In a sense it is an exercise in "top-picking" and how ironic that it comes from a committed trend follower like yourself (but only on the surface, as all investment approaches require one to call the end of it, whether by discretion or by mechanical rules)!

The ability to do so certainly requires practice and experience, but more importantly requires the willingness of the Process Manager and of the entire Tribe to go with the process, surrendering all expectations and without any attachment to what's happening or, worse, to what's "supposed" to happen. Part of this is the elimination of time from the equation: Hot Seat may take 5 or 45 minutes to reach the apex and when the Process Manager feels it, he calls it. The aforementioned surrendering helps him to feel it "right", recognizing when Hot Seat is really at the top of a profound experience and distinguishing it from those many instances in which Hot Seat may still be getting hotter or simply transitioning from a form to another in search of "the one". In short, the success of the process depends on all members being in the now and hence on everything occurring in the now.

I also notice that you strongly encourage the use of this process rather than other traditional TTP processes like Forms or Re-integration and that you vouch for its increased effectiveness and I fully get it, but as a beginner (not only to TTP but to the world of feelings in general) I find myself with the desire to explore my feelings and go with them and learn to fully experience and enjoy them. I also notice that one suppressed feeling simply leads to another, more deeply suppressed feeling and then on to another and another…I can realize this only by amplifying a form and then notice how it does not resolve, but rather leads into a new form, closer to the heart of the matter. I wonder whether this "exploration" process is compatible with the Rocks process or whether other processes are better suited. I also feel somehow bound by the Rocks process, in the sense that I have to produce a specific outcome in the form of a memory (so much for saying above that this derails the process!), it feels like sort of a pressure to deliver that works to distract me. I know the answer is to bring my feelings about the Rocks process to Tribe as an entry point, but I wonder whether as an entry point for Rocks ;).

On a different note, this night I realize that I F--KING HATE QUESTIONS!I HATE THEM!!!HOLY S--T HOW MUCH I HATE THEM! My father is a question machine, he fires them out non-stop! All my life I've been subjected to this constant questioning, even on trivial matters! He wants to know everything, down to the minimum detail! And what's worse is that he doesn't allow me the time to answer them or simply freely share with him: as soon as I pause for a moment here it comes another question! I can't even think clearly, it interrupts me, it subverts the process, it hijacks it, IT TAKES ALL THE JOY OUT OF SHARING: I FEEL LIKE I'M IN FRONT OF AN INTERROGATION AGENT! And if I can't answer a question or if he doesn't get the answer, here we go with more and more questions and if either him or me or both care about the matter it obviously results in a build-up of anger and nervousness and in a heated exchange. And as a result I shut down: it's way better not to say a word or just keep the sharing to a minimum, confined to trivial things.

I explode with him over the matter a couple of weeks ago and I share my feelings of anger and the confusion that results from constant interrupting and the inability to focus and just go with my train of thought. But now I have the commitment not to ask questions with him and with my mum and my fiancé and simply telling "I do not feel like answering your question" when that is the case. I can't wait to tell him my intention and I want to do so in a polite and constructive way, letting him know that he is welcome to share his desire to know or whatever he wants to share and that I am free to decide what to share back with him. I am not willing to be interrogated. I am contemplating extending the commitment of not asking questions to all and sundry.

And now comes the other issue: my mum's judgment! All my life she's been telling me she'd love to have me share with her and yet each time I try there we go with some judgment: "You shouldn't feel this, you shouldn't feel that, you can do this, why don't you do that, I told you so bla bla bla…"! How annoying and frustrating! Again, it's way better not to share at all than be subjected to a lesson on how to suppress feelings and make them go away or on how mothers always seem to know what's going on inside their children (this may very well be true, but keep it for yourself for Christ's sake or just tell it once and for all: we're not here to measure mums' guessing abilities!) and of course on how they always know what's right for their children! And how humiliating it is!

I realize they do this out of love and they're incredibly loving and caring parents who've given (an continue to give) me much, most recently after my atrocious investment losses.

Yet I feel this love is suffocating and oppressing me, it works against my desire to break free and grow and I realize that I set up my financial drama to show them that I am not their good little boy anymore! I do not want to be that: I am an adult who's building his own life and his own family! I love them, but I no longer s--t myself, so I can take care of myself and I appreciate their support, their help and their love, but it needs to evolve to reflect the new reality: it can't be the same as when I was 5!

I do not want to do things to please them anymore, to make them think I am a good boy: I want to do things for myself! I want to be independent from them and from their judgment: this and only this can allow us to have a truly profound relationship, that includes valuing their insights and suggestions in whatever form they come and thus appreciating their contribution and freely deciding what use if any I want to make of it.

As usual, the answer lies within myself and not in changing others!

Best,

May 15, 2013

TT Sacramento Tribe Report:
Abandonment - Part I

As I drive to the designated meeting place I feel apprehension, nervousness and curiosity about what will take place. I have never experienced Ed at or conducting a TT meeting.

A group is assembling in the lobby (we are meeting in an office building to accommodate a larger group) and I am introduced to tribe members from other locations and we shake hands. I receive and give hugs to my local tribe members individually. Some people are eating as they did not want to be late to the meeting. I notice Ed is not present yet and I experience anticipation in myself and others. I note the new people feel pleasant. I feel shy and uncomfortable in this new situation.

Ed arrives with a TT friend and everyone is standing. He greets everyone one by one. The feeling in the room has changed. I sense some people are in awe, some feel admiration, some intimidation. Some have met him before at IV TT or workshops but most have not. As for myself, I am very happy to see Ed. We leave the lobby in search of the room we intend to use. We circle the downstairs without locating the room. The only other woman makes a bathroom stop. We move upstairs and locate the room. I feel concern that she will not know that we are upstairs. I call out to her over the stairwell, but she does not answer. I ask one of her tribe members if he has her phone number and he is already in the process of calling her.

We all file into the large meeting room and the guys re-arrange the tables and the chairs are moved into a circle along the perimeter of the room. We begin drumming. Some beats are familiar and some are new. I lose the beat and pick it up again several times. I begin to feel connection and then a few minutes later the drumming stops. All is quiet for a few minutes and then SAC Chief asks if willing for check-in. It begins from his left side and progresses around the room. Each person is telling their feelings in the moment; my check-in is nervous, butterfly feeling in my stomach and uneasiness with strangers in the room.

At the end of check in one of my tribe members volunteers me for a hot seat. I believe he is feeling worried, apprehension from last TT meeting and hot seat where I was left feeling "loopy" and I was not willing to feel the black hole of abandonment again. I see his concern all over his face, body language and voice. This is Fred at work. It is VERY UNUSUAL to be volunteered for a hot seat.

I agree to hot seat. In my mind I am thinking I am willing to be instructional for the group. I am feeling nervous. I am encouraged to go into the feeling. I start with the previous form of tapping and rocking. I am not really feeling it yet. The group continues to encourage me.

Ed says he is not feeling it with the tapping, but to build the rocking. I stop tapping and increase the rocking…. I am getting into the feeling of abandonment, it a deep black hole. I am crying now too. I move down to the floor and continue rocking. Ed instructs the group to move the chair from behind me and put pillows on the floor so that I can increase the rocking—he says I can rock all the way back and all the way forward. I am in trance state but can hear him perfectly and everything that is going on in the room. I feel safe with Ed and get really deep into the feeling. Ed says I do not have to reveal, do anything or say anything I do not want to say. This creates a safe space for the process to proceed.

I get farther into the feeling then Ed says to freeze it. He asks me to describe the black hole…I hold my hands up with my fingertips touching and my eyes closed – He says about the size of a softball. He asks where it is in my body. It feels deeper inside, under my sternum, towards the middle of my torso. He asks if it is in front of or behind my spine. It feels in front of my spine. He asks if it has a temperature. It feels cold. He asks if it has a taste. No. He asks if it has a texture. No. He asks if it has a smell. No. (This seems so weird to me that I can actually feel this inside me right now.)

Ed asks what is this about….The background info is given. I am asked for willingness to proceed. I am asked for willingness to work through the rock several times. I am also asked for willingness to hold the feeling while Ed answers questions about the process and a couple of POPCORN Hot Seats that "pop up" during the process. I nod yes.

This is very intense feeling at the core of my being. This black hole I have tried to fill up medicinally with alcohol (past), drugs (past), food, work, men.

I recreate the abandonment in my relationships. Ed explains to the group how I recreate a perfect set up of the abandonment in my work as a nurse (patients always leave—they get better or die).

The Rocks Process

Volunteers are asked to play the key roles. The woman from SF tribe volunteers to be Mother, Father is visitor from SF last month, me –the person who volunteered me.

I am asked to recreate the memory. I am born. I'm in front of my "Mother". Ed asks if I have any memories of my birth. I feel pressure. He asks if anything else. I feel cold—I am crawling on the floor in front of my mother as small as I can be…My "Father" comes and picks me up and takes me home. He holds me and rocks me. Ed asks how it feels. I feel warm, secure, and safe. I am nestled in his arms and feel blissful. Then my mother comes home to take over my care (6 weeks later) and my father leaves. Ed asks how that feels. It does not feel the same. I stiffen. I am intensely sad. I don't know this person. I want my father back. I feel the black hole --deep, intense sadness at being left. This is agonizing pain.

Ed explains about the benefits of natural birth vs. Cesarean. Ed explains the benefits of both parents holding the baby immediately after birth and getting the coating on the baby on parents' skin for bonding (Vernix caseosa is name for coating).

Ed brings in a surrogate "Me". The person who volunteered me volunteers to be me. I find this interesting. Ed states it is faster to have a role player for this part of the process as they are not emotionally invested. The role play ensues. I watch myself be born; Then taken home by my father. My mother returns and then my father leaves.

I cry silently as my father leaves me. I am asked if this feel about right. Yes.

Ed then asks for suggestions for proactive ways to deal with this feeling. Tell my feelings to my father and mother, ask for my father to not leave, ask for my mother to understand, ask if they are willing to share their feelings. The role play repeats with "me" asking my father to not leave and my mother saying she will make sure my father will be with me and hold me. She asks me if that will be OK. I as an observer am asked again -How does that feel. Better.

This is not completed yet ... what I have so far.

(See Part II, above)

May 15, 2013

Terminating the Advocate

Dear Ed,

Last few days replies from Ed are bringing in lots of AHAs with unintended consequences of not being able to go to sleep.

I read Benjamin Graham: You are neither right nor wrong because the crowd disagrees with you. You are right because your data and reasoning are right.

I see that my advocate is not presenting all my data and reasoning to Judge in my Divorce case. I do not like his keeping me in dark about few things. It makes my stomach churn. I notice that I am dependent on him for presenting my facts.

Due to this dependence I feel tense in court. I don't like that feeling of last two years. Whenever I depend on somebody's advice for investments, I lose money.

I terminate my advocate's services. It gives me immediate relief.

I inform judicial clerk that I am now presenting facts of my case on my own. She feels surprised.

Charlie Munger says Take a simple useful idea and take it seriously. I take this idea of Charlie seriously and read FAQs seriously.

This awakening is fantastic.

Thanks you so much Ed Seykota.

May 15, 2013

Role of Joy

Hello Ed,

I feel grateful to the PM of the Sacramento Tribe for sharing many of the details of the meeting you attended last week. He is very observant and his description gives me such a clear picture of what went on that I can feel like I am there when I read it.

I hope that some of the other Tribe members, especially the member who took the hotseat, will be sharing their experiences as well. In my own experience with these techniques, I notice that my emotional reactions to triggering situations, while they still occur, are subtly different, less intense and less extreme over time.

I wonder if these reactions ever go away completely, or if they simply become so well integrated that they are observable but almost insignificant (except for perhaps one's awareness that they are occurring). When I notice how I am responding differently, I am usually surprised, and even a bit baffled. The memory of my earlier distress seems distant and as if it happened to someone else. Yet, the potential to "go there" again seems still present.

I guess I am wondering what is the role of emotions when all these issues are "handled."

Thanks again for FAQ.

May 15, 2013

Amsterdam Tribe Report: Developing Forms

Dear Ed

Two new members join us at our most recent meeting.

Both arrive from relatively long distances in Europe. I feel humble, and grateful for their presence, along with a sense of responsibility. Both tribe members share that they learn about the Trading Tribe and follow FAQ for the several years, and feel ready now to join a Tribe. I am reminded of a ranging markets that break-out after a long time, and I go with the flow.

We check-in and go through the processes of sharing thoughts and feelings in pairs to "warm up".

The new members are first and second on the Hotseat. Both of them "go-for-it", despite feelings of uncertainty from one - around whether or not he know how to express his forms - and feelings of embarrassment from the other.

We continue to check for willingness throughout both processes, relentlessly encouraging Hotseats to fully experience (intensify, crank-up, continue) their forms in the present moment, while wondering if any earlier memories come up.

One of the Forms Processes results in a clear link to a childhood memory - which we take to the Rocks Process. Hotseat realizes during the process that he receives a "Sugar Coating" Rock from his mother, whereas prior to the process, he feels some resentment towards his father about being "Brutally Honest".

The other process continues through some intense forms as well, with Hotseat sharing feelings of embarrassment, none of which HS is able to link to a formative event.

At some point (we check for willingness) HS shares that he feels too much embarrassment and is unwilling to continue. We stop the process, however one of our other tribe members wonders if HS might be willing to re-integrate the forms he experiences so far.

I hesitate, and wonder what to do given the call we just made about stopping the process. Meanwhile, HS, although still feeling embarrassed and reluctant, is willing to attempt reintegrating his forms.

We go with the flow, and HS does a great job of experiencing all his forms in the same moment, which end up with him bent over on his chair, coughing up phlegm on the floor.

The tribe members continue to provide relentless encouragement and validation as he experiences this reintegrated form - bent up over on his chair, coughing up phlegm on the floor.

I admire the courage with which Hotseat continues, coughing up more phlegm, until the process reaches completion. At this point, HS looks up at all of us with a big broad smile and says "we are all crazy". I notice that I am smiling as broadly as he is when he says this, and sense a feeling of calm and connection across the tribe members. I feel a warmth in my chest as I recollect this moment.

Our final hot seat of the day involves a long term member who enters his Hotseat session describing how he tends to "f--k up" from time to time, but that is not the issue - the issue is really about how he "f--ks up" after the initial "f--k up".

I wonder if he can share more, to which he explains that this second "f--k up" is linked to a (signature) anger form, which in spite of a couple of Role Plays around prototype events, keeps coming up. We encourage him to get into the form and wonder if he can enjoy it, to which he says "no."

I encourage him to see if he can experience the feeling of judging the form, and soon he is shaking his head from side to side. We encourage him to intensify this and I wonder if he can enjoy the form of shaking his head from side to side. This too is not possible for him - so we wonder if he might locate yet another judge stacked higher.

He locates a form that appears to be a look of disgust - we encourage him to feel it intensely and after some time, he appears to enjoy this. I wonder if he is willing to experience shaking his head from side to side again, to which he starts doing so and begins to enjoys this - at first - but then the feeling disappears and we end up locating yet another judge - this time the form is of firm, motionless hands, lifted above his thighs which we encourage him to fully experience and which he takes to completion and enjoyment. He is now able to fully enjoy shaking his head from side to side and does so for some time with a slight smile.

As I feel the form is complete, I wonder how he feels if he "f--ks up" - and if he might be willing to experience his (signature) anger form again. He goes for it, and realizes that the form has completely disappeared. It has no energy. He is unable to get into it and starts laughing "insightfully" - and continues to do so for quite some time. We all sit there and enjoy it. He reintegrates his forms, and we close the Hotseat session.

During check-out, I encourage our tribe members to share their Tribe experiences with FAQ, and I commit to doing the same.

Today, I read the "Sacramento Tribe - Rocks Process" entry on FAQ, and realize that we miss step (9) in how we implement the process here - and feel that this may indeed be critical to our moving forward, as also phrased in the contributors usage of the words "must forgive her medicinal rocks to her father or mother". In my own personal experience with several Rock Processes (but without this step) - I find that I generally walk away with some insights, perhaps some change in my judgement about the situation, but not necessarily with a re-programmed response.

I feel keen and eager to implement this missing link within our Tribe, along with the details on step (3) "Visualize the Feelings". I feel grateful to the contributor for sharing and documenting the process in so much detail.

I also feel grateful to be a part of our tribe, having committed members who are willing to work out their issues on the Hotseat, and who relentlessly validate, encourage, and support other members in doing the same.

We start a six session series at our next meeting, with a focus on manifesting a snapshot of our choice.

Warm regards

May 14, 2013

Sacramento Tribe Meeting Report: Feeling Lighter

Ed,

I Thank You all for your support and concerns. I am still processing Thursday night's Hot Seat.

I am amazed as it is a powerful and potent experience.

I am off work tomorrow and am planning to devote several hours for my posting report to FAQs.

I am happy to report today of feeling lighter of 7 pounds since buying a scale on Friday (that is amazing in 4 days). My medicinal eating seems to be resolving without effort.

May 14, 2013

Self-Fulfilling Judgment

Dear Ed,

1982. Listening to Grandpa. I am 17. I see a scene where grandpa is likely to be cheated by his own nephew. He is furious at him. After he cools down he tells me "Never ever cheat or lie to yourself or anybody else" He repeats his sentence few more times at various occasions. 1984 I become his partner in his business. He passes away in 1985.

1988 I become sub share broker and offer full transparency in my client transactions due to which I start getting repeat and new business. At my young age, I establish my biz successfully.

1990, I get married. Few days into marriage and I start noticing lies in wife's routine.

When I challenge she pretends that nothing wrong has happened. Her father and brother both are lawyers. This happens few times. Even when shown evidence, she does not accept her mistakes and lies. Her one lie leads to another. I start hating her for her bad habits.

Still I have hopes. Few years into marriage and I realize that it does not make sense to keep hopes in the markets or in marriage. But by this time I already have two kids and lots of family responsibility. Responsibility is welcome but not lies. I feel heartbroken. I admit I am wrong about my spouse. I file for my divorce.

My question Ed Seykota (our guide) is this:

Why does it take a person so long to realize the simple truth? Why are we just conditioned by our elders (At least in this part of the world) to keep hopes alive and adjust with spouse and not face the truth? Why many people do not simply take the first loss in their marriage? Why are they so irrational? Is it because they do not listen to their feelings and do not experience them fully and sincerely?

Why are divorce laws so inefficient and of course so costly to the earning member?

TTP holds the view that Intention = Results and Why questions are ambiguous. Still I prefer to ask you these questions because my intention is to increase my knowledge.

Thanks in advance for all the guidance.

May 13, 2013

Sacramento Tribe - Rocks Process

Ed,

Last Thursday night Mr. Ed Seykota (aka the Chief) participates in our Sacramento Trading Tribe meeting. In addition to our five regulars, five persons from the San Francisco and Davis Tribes join in for a total of 11 participants including the Chief. The meeting starts with a powerful drumming session followed by check-in's under leadership of the Sacramento Tribe Chief. Everyone seems energized yet a bit restrained during check-in.

The Sac Chief asks if anyone has an issue to put forth. No one volunteers. One member asks another if she wants to revisit a prior issue left unresolved last meeting. This is weird as we normally do not pressure each other, and the questioner is usually quite considerate. I wonder what is going on; has the subject non-verbally communicated her continuing frustration on that issue? Following a brief negotiation, she agrees, somewhat reluctantly in my mind.

She is gently rocking back and forth. People encourage this form. She starts tapping her upper chest with her fingertips. More encouragement. She moves from her chair to the floor. Someone moves the chair and, at the Chief's suggestion, places some cushions behind her in case her rocking sends her backwards to hit the floor. Rocking and tapping continues for awhile, with encouragement, but does not get to a point of resolution. She appears to be experiencing a great deal of internal emotional turmoil.

A few people attempt to move the process forward, but we get stuck. The Sac Chief asks the Chief [Ed] if he is willing to take the lead as process manager. Chief asks more than once if those present are willing to accept him in this role, and he asks the same of our subject who will now take the hot seat.

The remainder the meeting consists of the hot seat subject ("HS" or "she" from here on) and Tribe members actively working, under the Chief's direction, to explore and understand HS's feelings, identify the earliest instance of this feeling and act out the scenario in original form and using alternative resources. This turns out to be excellent training in process management for all. Hot Seat's issue is abandonment, however the description below focuses more on the application of TTP to a generic issue rather than solution of one specific. The [numerical titles] are my interpretation of the sequence of events.

1. Identify and Position the Process Manager. First the Chief, now the process manager ("PM" or "he" from here on) moves to a central seating that has a clear visual line of communication with HS.

2. Invoke and Amplify Signature Form(s). Then he invokes HS's form again, "amping it up" with the encouragement of the group. When HS is deep into the rocking and tapping, PM says rather loudly "freeze" and HS stops mid-rock. With HS idle in a trance-like state, PM explains to the group that he is going to manage the process on several levels: feelings and questioning to HS; didactic (instructional) to the Tribe, and suggestive to HS to invoke certain states of consciousness (my interpretation of his words).

3. Visualize the Feelings. PM starts by asking HS a series of questions about what HS is feeling. She describes emptiness, a "black hole" inside her chest. He probes to understand its size, shape, exact location in her body. It turns out to be around baseball size and nearer her spine than breastbone. I find it intriguing that a feeling can be described with such precision. PM treats the feeling as an object posing questions about the feeling as anyone might about a physical object in the children's game "I spy."

4. Identify the Prototype Event. PM follows up asking when in her life does she first experience this feeling of "the black hole." She describes a very early memory involving the period from birth to six weeks old, after which her initial caregiver, her father, "abandons" her upon return home of her mother who is recovering from a hospital-acquired infection. She never again experiences the same intimate bond with her father. This is a lifelong source of recurring drama and sadness. Discovery of this story unfolds via a series of questions from the PM to HS.

5. Reenact the Prototype Event. PM asks if she is willing to recreate the episode via play acting. She agrees and he first explains the scene he has in mind: birth, home with father, return of mother. He then asks for volunteers to play these parts. PM explains that it is not necessary to have actors of the same gender as the people whose parts they play. Even so, a woman Tribe member agrees to be the mother; a man to be the father. HS kneels on the floor facing away from the mother, as though being born. PM talks to her, instructing her to move forward (which she does on hands and knees), away from mother, towards father. Kneeling, father embraces her and they hug for awhile and he says loving words to her. Then mother gets up, approaches them both, kneels and tells father that she is here now to take over. Father departs. HS is crying, but not otherwise expressing what she feels. Mother does not understand what baby is feeling. This phase of the process ends with PM inviting HS to relax. She moves to sit on the floor against the wall.

6. Reenact Using Surrogate HS. Next PM asks for volunteers to reenact the drama we just witnessed. A man, the same who volunteered HS for the hot seat, volunteers to play our female HS subject. The actors mimic the previous sequence of events involving our actual HS subject. Surrogate HS plays his part convincingly.

7. Identify the Medicinal Rocks. The actors remain in their positions. PM talks to the group about what we just witnessed and asks HS how her mother and father dealt with difficult issues. The intent is to discover HS's medicinal rocks. Father deals with emotional issues by working more hours, drinking and ignoring the problem. Mother uses planned activities and food, both cooking and eating. These are the medicinal rocks passed on to their daughter, our hot seat subject, who uses them into adulthood to deal with the feeling of abandonment she experiences when people leave her (relationship partners; patients who die or get well - she's a nurse). She says she has given up some habits like drugs and alcohol, but not others, especially eating, to deal with the black hole feeling.

8. Reenact with Surrogate HS Using Alternative Resources. Next PM asks us to identify alternative ways that HS might deal with the situation. We are free to engage in "TTP Magic," that is, to suspend disbelief that a six week old could talk, for example. Our process is happening "in the now," the memories that HS relates are "in the now" as well, so it is reasonable to let HS utilize the faculties she now possesses. Tribe members identify several alternatives, such as sharing her feelings of despair about father's departure, asking for regular time with him, and a few more that I do not recall. PM tells us that we are going to act out the scenario again, this time using alternative resources to deal with the situation. The actors begin. At the point where father is about to depart, surrogate HS says "don't leave" and other words that evoke a response from both mother and father. Observing this scene is very emotional for me, and I think for the others in the room. We feel her pain. Mother negotiates with kind soothing words a deal that father will visit often and they will spend time together as a family. She asks surrogate HS if this is satisfactory, and she says yes.

9. Forgive Medicinal Rocks. Chief (PM) explains that in order to move forward HS must "forgive" her medicinal rocks to her father and mother. One synonym of forgive is remit (Websters). It is in this sense we use forgive in TTP. PM explains that father and mother must make it difficult for HS to forgive her medicinal rocks. They are, after all, gifts of love that the parents truly believe useful in difficult situations. Drink, eat, work harder, go to a movie; those can fill your black hole. HS, on the other hand, must gently insist they take back their medicinal rocks. PM suggests telling each parent that the best gift of all is to take back the medicinal rock. HS and parents, one at a time, play out this drama until she convinces them to take back their rocks.

10. Reenact with Real HS Using Alternative Resources. We reenact with HS now playing her original role. All goes well as she utilizes her new resources to get parents listening to her feelings and developing a better outcome, with father committed to play a strong role in her life. PM talks with HS about how this resource of sharing feelings early in a relationship to set expectations may yield more satisfactory results than expecting abandonment and medicating in the (formerly) usual way. PM asks HS how she feels about this. She feels good and understands how this new set of resources may be of benefit.

11. Checkout In Roles and Release. PM asks each person who played a role to check out, sharing their insights and feelings. HS goes last then thanks and releases each actor in turn from his or her role, welcoming them back into the Tribe as her friends.

12. Checkout as Tribe Members. PM asks each Tribe member to check out. The process is finished. After brief discussion, Sac Chief adjourns the meeting.

This was an incredibly educational meeting. Over the years I struggle with process management, trying to overcome my fears of screwing up, mainly by not knowing how to move the process forward at critical points. Now, I feel new confidence and am eager to try my hand at next meeting.

Ed, thank you so much for volunteering to visit our Sacramento Tribe, on your own time and at your own expense. And thank you for maintaining FAQ and the TT website, and for the uncountable hours you spend reading email submittals in detail and responding with wisdom and wit. It is an honor and a pleasure to know you and call you my friend.

Best regards,

May 13, 2013

Geo-Engineering

Ed,

This is the most important half hour you can spend on something important.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzJ4BvleqEs

Thanks,

Monday, May 13, 2013 6:50 AM

Putting it Off

Ed,

I read Market Wizards book. Seems like a bible to me. There are great trading stories. Ed Seykota's interview keeps me thinking. Something is different with Ed. He seems to be right, at least for people like me.

Something I seem to be avoiding. Reading that interview again. It is 2011 Jan, again I cannot comprehend clearly when Ed says Everybody gets what they want. I want to become a trader in the present moment of now. I do not exactly know how because all these years I have been a fundamental investor, visiting all the companies and interviewing MDs to get an investor's edge. So I postpone trading. Ed's Interview makes me think a lot.

So I order his TT book. I receive it on 2nd April 2008. I start reading it. In 2011 I realize that trying to be absolutely perfect has stopped me from trading. What an AHA! This tendency costs me big opportunities. I start reading his book from 2008 but my focus is somewhere else.

A friend to whom I have told about Ed encourages me to read FAQs. He reminds me frequently. He starts sending emails to Ed and gets his replies on FAQs.

I form a FB group on Seykota with the understanding that reading and posting Ed's messages will help me understand myself better. I also learn a lot from other Market Wizards. I postpone trading by giving this excuse that I want to understand Ed's messages first and then trade. I get what I want. I start reading FAQs from his first year of posting (2003) and post them on Edward Arthur Seykota, FB group.

In between I stop with the fear that Ed might object to my posting without taking his email consent. I do not like that feeling. It is very strong. I take the positive intention of that feeling. I fear that he might sue me. I feel it is prudent to send him a formal request. I know many like me will benefit from Ed's wisdom. So I send email to Ed requesting his permission to allow me to post on FB.

There is no response from him. He stops posting even on his own FAQs. So I also stop posting on FB Edward Arthur Seykota group. I wait for many months but there is no response from him. Based on One Tribe member's feedback that Ed might not respond, I start posting again. By 2013 start, there are more than 1000 messages of Ed, all full of wisdom. While reading FAQ and sharing – posting that wisdom, I have my own many AHAs. This journey is fantastic. So much to learn in the present ever evolving moment of now. There is so much to feel sincerely and take their positive intentions.

I have filed my divorce petition and so feel that my priorities are different. I postpone trading and miss some really nice moves in investing as well as in trading during 2009-12. I start questioning myself, Am I getting what I want? Clarity starts setting in the present moment of now. I start enjoying my feelings. They tell me so much when I really pay attention.

Thank you very much Ed. I appreciate that you are putting in so much efforts to guide so many of us all over the world. I think of sharing these feelings with you.

Hence this email.

May 12, 2013

San Francisco Tribe Report

Hi Ed,

Thanks for your reply to my earlier FAQ submission, I then got to thinking more about my snapshots - the evidence of my desire.

In our tribe I have noticed that snapshots often fall into the 'reasonably achievable' or 'big and hairy' categories. Personally, I love the feeling that comes with achieving a snapshot and really dislike it when I don't achieve it.

Consequently, I am careful about what I commit to. Recently, it occurred to me that big and hairy could just be the sum of a few reasonably achievables strung together. What is realistic then becomes more about possibilities than probabilities. I would like to open myself up more to the former.

Sincerely,

May 12, 2013

Sacramento Tribe Report

Ed,

Thanks for the great evening of tribe and music !

Speaking of music, I've never heard ukulele like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw6YL_l2YxA

best regards,

May 11, 2013

Short Quiz to Determine Trading Potential

Ed,

If you are a trader, you may relate to this:

When an archer is shooting for nothing . . . he has all his skill.
If he shoots for a brass buckle . . . he is already nervous.
If he shoots for a prize of gold . . . he goes blind;
or sees two targets . . . he is out of his mind!
His skill has not changed. But the prize . . . divides him.
He cares.
He thinks more of winning than of shooting . . .
and the need to win drains him of power.

– Chuang Tzu, 400 B.C.

If you do not relate, then you are not likely a trader.

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Interpretation of Chang Tzu as a Trading Quiz by Bill Poluliah

Bill Poluliah The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left. -- Ecclesiastes 10:2