Oct 20, 2013

Breathwork Flashes: Fish, Jellyfish, and Jets

Hi Ed,

I've had a few more realizations after Breathwork in September. Right after the Breathwork my unconscious mind seemed to stay on the 'surface' and co operate with my conscious mind during waking hours. As time has passed I've noticed my subconscious mind slowly sinking back down behind my conscious mind.

I've also realized that the images I saw during Breathwork relate to my earliest moments. A fish swimming up stream in a beautiful stream is memory of being sperm. The image of a jellyfish floating peacefully in the ocean is memory of being in the womb. The rest I'm not sure about, but I suspect getting stabbed on the Scottish highlands has something to do with the birth process. The speeding like a jet probably has something to do with coming back from 'that' world to this one. I'm not sure I will ever fully come back because it seems my subconscious has moved into a more prominent place in the world my mind creates.

Thanks,

Oct 20, 2013

Everybody Gets What They Want

Dear Ed,

Greetings!

Trust you are doing well.

Giving below two thoughts for food for thought ...

1. "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." - Dan Stanford

2. "Everybody Gets What They Want" - Ed Seykota

If one introspects deeply....sincerely....honestly...statement #2 is so right!

Go East, Go West........"Everybody Gets What They Want" is the Best!

Intentions = Results

Aha!

With regards,

Oct 20, 2013

Local Tribe Meeting

Hi Chief,

I attach the photo we take when you visit us. All the members agree to have their photo post on the FAQ.

Thanks,

Oct 20, 2013

How to Lose Weight

Ed,

I mentioned on Friday morning that I'd lost 50 lbs. and that I'd posted a doc about that in the shared Dropbox folder with the Bastrop B'work photos.

Only [Name] mentioned that he saw the doc so I'm re-sharing it via e-mail in case you are interested in how I did it.

I'm happy to answers any questions.

Weight 210 ==> 150 (Blue Line) August 2010 to August 2011

Oct 20, 2013

Govopoly

Hi Ed,

I read Michael Lewis' Boomerang.

I notice that this well researched book bears strong resemblance to the situation described in your book.

The final chapter, describing the situation in Vallejo, seems almost like a prediction of the situation we are likely to face in the end game of your assimilation model.

I lived through the collapse of Zimbabwe and I have seen regime change in South Africa. I have seen these societies completely destroy the old governments and replace them with new ones. I notice that somehow there is always an appetite for government. It seems that it is not possible for societies to go without a government. I guess it's just how much freedom and stability the governments give to their citizens. Unfortunately, I also notice there is a tremendous desire by power hungry individuals to empower themselves in Government, at the expense of the Citizens.

I look forwards to reading your book again when it is published.

Best wishes,

Oct 19, 2013

Local Tribe Meeting - Ed Visits - Tossing the Phone the Same Way

Chief,

I am so grateful you come to my local tribe and teach everyone here how to run the process. It's hard to express my feeling about your kindness. Every time I see you, I can pick up something and a door in my mind opens.

I start to feel nervous few weeks before your visit. I worry about many what ifs. what if I miss your flight and make you wait?(Actually I did it! by waiting at the wrong terminal. I get what I want.) What if no member shows up in the meeting and only you and I sitting in my living room, staring at each other? I start to lose members since this year, some don't like Rock Process, some don't like to contribute to FAQ when I request them, couple of them move to foreign country, some is in honeymoon, and some without reason. And some are excited about your visit. I acknowledge my feeling of wanting to grab guests to make both of us feel better, and I stick to my high standard rules of selecting members, or even make it higher, to bring the right people to you who are serious following your principles and doing the job.

Even though I have all these anxious feelings to your visit, from my experience, I know that once I see you, you have the magic to make things flow. And indeed it happens, after we meet you in the airport, magic starts to happen and things start to flow smoothly, and I have no more worry. Even when you ask me how many members will come. I tell you I don't know. I start to like the feeling of uncertainty. For past two years, I feel uncertain about attendance before most meetings, and we always make great meetings. The uncertainty feelings start to become an indicator of good meeting, or a good trade. And that's the beauty of adventure. TTP teaches me so much.

Fortunately we have a meeting of five. We start with drumming and following with check in feelings. When Ed asks who has problem, one member says he tends to feel more nervous when he is in a bigger group, another member's son tells him to shut up when he asks his son about homework. One member is losing his job at end of month and he is postponing looking for jobs, for he wants to change career and to be a full time trader. This resonates with me about my exact the same situation early this year.

When you ask me if I have problem, I say I want to learn process management, what actually in my mind is that I want my local tribe members to have chance to work with you. Later in the meeting a member share that he has a problem that in the office he is overnice, and put other people's needs first , and always put himself last. I immediately identify myself with this feeling.

During the meeting, one member needs to leave the room to check out his son, (his son is playing downstairs with my son), Ed suspends the meeting to ensure no body miss anything in the meeting. When the member comes back, Ed says that it's that member's intention to leave the room during the meeting. And Ed asks the tribe who else thinks he is also responsible for the member's leaving the room. few of us also raise hand. Ed then explains to the tribe that it's everyone's intention for the member to leave the room. If one person really don't want the member to leave, he can always stop this from happening. We allow this happen.

This is a system, everyone contributes, and is responsible for everything happening in the tribe. This reminds me of what happens in recent workshop. I, and another member, are late to the workshop meeting, then Ed asks both of us to stand before the entire conference and state that, it's our intention to be late. And Ed explains to the entire room that it is also everyone in the workshop's intention to let us be late.

The member who wants to talk to his son when he is driving get the hot seat. He says that his son sits at the back seat and is playing game on smart phone. His son says shut up to him and he feel angry and not respected.

We start to role play the situation, and I play the son. We move chairs together make it feel like a car and I sit at the back seat and starting to play game on my phone. The client start to talk to me while he is driving. I feel disturbed. He ask me when I am going to do my homework. I get irritated and tell him to shut up.

Ed asks him how he feels when he hears his son says shut up to him. He picks up both hands and throw them out to his left. So we stop role play and help him to make his move bigger and harder. He does it repeatedly. When his tension and emotion gets really strong, Ed tell him to freeze, with both arms throwing forward the front left. Ed asks him to tighten his body and crank up his feeling.

He recalls that when he is a young boy, his dad often gets drunk and beats him and his older sister. Sometimes he can't run fast when drunk dad gets home and his father would corner him in his room and grab him from behind and starts beating him with his belt. He remembers that he often experiences such situation as run and hide, then get caught and bear the pain. He gets black and blue on his body and when he goes to school, he also feels embarrassed and hide his wound.

It's a really moving moment and it also triggers me about my own childhood. Ed ask everybody in the meeting whether they identify themselves, each member raises his hand.

Then we role play this situation. I play the father. When I come into the door, I see the member is turning back and run away. I follow him until he has nowhere to run. I grab him on his back and raise the belt. He shutdown with no resistance.

Then Ed asks him who teaches him to hide and run, also grin and bear, the member recalls his mother always does so. She always hides immediately after seeing the drunk dad get home. Ed then asks him who teaches him to hide his bruises. The member then identifies his older sister does so.

So one member plays the mom, he holds two rocks and talks to the son. He tells him that whenever see that his father is coming to pick on him, always run and hide. This rock is the resource she uses all her life and it works for her, and should work for him. She takes one rock and puts it into the client's hand. Then she gives him another rock and tells him to grin and bear whenever getting beaten.

Another member plays his older sister. She puts one rock into the client's hand and tells him that it works fine for her to cover her bruises and never let anybody know about it. The client receives this rock.

Ed then shows the client to forgives the hide and run, grin and bear rocks to the donor. When the client gives the rock back to the mom, Ed reminds the client that when he talks to his mom, he needs to keep eye contact, and thank his mom for caring about him. The mom also needs to give some resistance and try to persuade the client to keep the rocks. Ed tells the mom to say "I'll keep the rock for you and you can always come back to use it in the future"."Mom, thank you for caring about me, this rock works for you, but I want to do it my own way".

In a while the client switches to talk about his problem with his son, Ed tells him to stay in his role as the son and focus on his problem with father. Ed notes that once the client solves his own problem, he also can solve the problem with his son.

Then we role play again, and client wants to pick up a similar scene. When his father comes back home and see a leaf on the carport, he could hit him for not sweeping the carport. In the role play, I come back and see the leaf, and ask him why he didn't sweep the carport.

Ed asks for a pause, plays the messenger, and gives the client a red heart rock. Then he tells him that this is a new resource for him to share his feeling. When I get mad to see the leaves, I start to raise my voice and stare at him. Ed tells him to say, "Dad I am scared." This makes me feel the tension in my chest associated with anger losing steam. Then Ed tells him to ask how I feel and how is my day. I respond that I am angry, and immediately realize that I am not angry because of him, just because what happen in my work. I feel no more desired to go after him, to tell him that he can go play, and that I just want to be alone for a while. I notice what the client does makes me no choice and it's now hard to go the the other path to start beating him.

Then Ed teaches the client to come back after three hours and come to me to talk. The son says to me, "Dad, do you want to know how I feel?" I dismiss his idea. Why care about feelings? Client starts tell me he is scared. I deny it and ask why. Ed reminds him not to tell why, just stay with talking about feelings of being scared. Client says he doesn't know. I am just scared and I don't know why. Ed tells him to let the dad figure out why, and lay the burden on him. And I feel exactly the same way, and I know why. I feel a little regretful now but feel embarrassed to admit. So I walk away. I feel again the client makes me do that and I can do nothing about it.

Sometimes during the meeting, when we start to get deep into the process and the sadness feelings flow in the room, we can also hear at the other corner of the house, the children are playing and women are chatting. Ed smiles and acknowledges the situation of out of control. I feel a little nervous, embarrassed and also feel funny, that in the one corner of the house, several adults are seriously worrying and secretly working on themselves, with the help from the best coach in the world, only intend to learn how to get along with those little monsters and their moms on the other side of the house, who are obvious unknown of the situation at all and just enjoying their lives now. I get in touch with the feeling of grin and bear, and also feel lucky for my decision to invite the tribe member to bring his son to today's meeting. Everything fits so well, in a harmonic way. The entire house with men vs. the women&kids are forming a pattern of Taichi pattern, in an intimacy-centric sense.

Then we role play the car situation with the son again. I intend to make a little harder for the client in order to test his process. I get into the backseat and start to play video game on my phone. Dad starts to talk to me and I immediately interrupt him with "I am busy!". "Ouch, I missed!" I wonder what he does to me to stop me. I wait and curiously he does nothing. This is a little unexpected and I feel a little loss of balance in my body. After a while Dad asks me if we can talk, I ask why. He tells me I haven't finished my homework. I feel resistant about doing work and groan. I want to concentrate on playing. Later he says he feel worried. I know what he worries about and I feel good he is not blame me either. Let him worry. Later I feel a little uncomfortable to let him worry. Suddenly this game become so boring to me and I toss the phone. I am in the role and such feeling comes from nowhere. I promise Dad I start to work after 7:00PM. and we reach an agreement.

Ed them expounds to the client that from the repeated testing in the drama, we can see how we act prompt others to respond to us in a different way. And it's the client's own decision of action to enable his son to say shut up to him, and it's also his own choice of action to enable the son to make an agreement with him. .

An interesting thing Ed notices is that, when I toss the phone, I am tossing the same way, the same direction, at the same sitting location where the client develops his initial throwing form. Somehow under-Fred networking is in play in the meeting.

This meeting is not only an eye-opening process for the local tribe, it also gives me a lot more Aha and training. I thank you so much to come to help us! I feel that you show up on the right timing, not only of my own growth, but also of the evolution of the tribe. After your visit, I am getting more applications and new comers looks more committed too! You come here on Sunday, and members continue two other meetings on following Monday and Tuesday, to ride the trend you bring to us. Each of us also make great breakthrough in the follow through meetings!

You are already very tired before leaving the meeting, but you keep your promise and want to play duet with my son. When my son says no. I feel surprised and I am hooked by what he is saying. Then I realize he might just be feeling embarrassed and shy, for he has been preparing and practicing this moment for over two months. I want to push him a little bit. But when you walk to him and start to receive his feeling and help him to acknowledge his embarrassment feeling, I immediately recognize that you are doing the right thing and giving a live example of TTP real time application to all of us. Miraculously my son sits down and start to play the song of Do Re Mi on the piano. It is such a touching, warm and inspiring moment to watch you playing banjo with my son. I feel I still have much to do to integrate the intimacy-centric skills in real-time application. I am willing to learn and practice more to get closer to the mastery of your level.

I thank you again for your hard work and your great heart to empower us. And I wish you a great coming holiday season!

Oct 19, 2013

Breathwork Report

Hi Chief,

In the tribe meeting in the evening before the Breathwork, I bring my issue of wanting to start a successful trading business into the process. I have no idea whether it's a fund, a CTA or a investment company. So I just call it a fund. I feel I am too far away from my goal and it's impossible. I don't feel I have the confidence.

The Tribe get me into forms and my feelings escalate quickly. Then Ed asks me to freeze. I tighten my body and feel the feeling of stickiness on my skins and burning pain in my chest. A face shows up in my mind and fades away. I turn around and wonder who he is. I later recognize he is a classmate in my elementary school and we also live in the same street. Ed asks me to recall what he does to me. I then remember that we were friends and suddenly one morning when I get to school, other students tell me that he is telling everyone I am a bad person and not to play with me.

I feel surprised and don't know why, and I feel afraid and rejected by the class and shutdown. For several years after that I am basically a loner in the class and feel that he and his followers are watching me everything I do. I tell the tribe that when I look at that bully making speech to his followers surrounding him, I feel there is some thing sticky on my skin and I can feel I am torn away from something I attach to, and I feel void, emptiness then burning pain in the chest.

Ed asks me to bring the feeling of being alienated, and rejected into the next day's Breathwork. I memorize and get a clean grip of that feeling and agree.

The second day after I start breathing, I quickly get into alkalosis state and start experience roller coasters of feelings. Sometimes when I fall sleep and stop breathing, my sitter and other tribe member always bring me back to task. I feel I am receiving great support by the tribe. After a while, I start to see bright light and I float/slide forward and feel approaching a bright door. Right before there, I recall my assignment and my past experience of holotropic Breathwork. Couple times in my Holotropic Breathwork I see lots of shapes, colors and stars, and it is entertaining, but I don't feel it help me on my everyday life. So this time I choose back off from that bright door. I recall my assignment of experience the feelings of rejection.

So I reload that feeling and start another journey. I sudden recall more of what happens during that period of my life. I see another classmate, at that day, tell me that the bully tells everyone I am still eating baby food, which is just a snack some time I eat. He also tell everyone that I like a girl in the same class. And the bully ask everybody to stop playing with me and watch me whenever I talk to that girl. I reach an Aha that why I always feel apprehensive doing something new, and feel somebody is watching me. It all comes from the early experience with the bully in the school.

I go to the feeling of being watched, limited, I feel burning heat in my heart area and flowing heat waves surround my body. I focus on the feeling and look for worst part of it.

In the later stage of my Breathwork, I start to see how this phantom apprehension affects my entire life. And I start to get into a state of just doing what I want to do when they are watching me. I bend my body, scratch my head, shake my head, and make sounds, I feel I am free to do what I want to do, with them present. I feel that from now on I never let what's in my mind stop me to pursue what I want.
In my mandala drawing, I draw a flower which means the flower I never have the courage to give to the girl, it also relate to all the feeling in my heart area. I draw the eyes surrounding the flower, they are the feelings stopping me from action. I start to accept them all.

I thank you to host this Breathwork process and enjoy very much the firecrackers in the evening. It is a experience to unlock me free and I remember for the rest of my life.

Thank you,

Oct 19, 2013

Workshop Follow-Up: Significant Improvements

Hi Ed,

I write to you as my support group. At the workshop I do not properly capture exactly who is in my support group. If you do not wish to be included in my support group please reply and let me know. I have no attachment to you opting out and will appreciate your honesty. If you do not opt out I will assume you are my support group and you will continue to receive my reports. I am interested to hear your feedback, thoughts feelings and how you deal with similar events in your own lives.

Since the workshop I have significant improvements in my relationships and my life.

I am more contented. I love my life and I see the difficulties as challenges and adventures. Life would be so boring without them. I have had two arguments with my wife, uniquely there was no shouting involved and for the first time ever we have ended the argument amicably and feeling closer to each other. In the days before the workshop I would likely have yelled and my wife would likely have shut down or vice versa.

My relationships with my children has improved. I acknowledge a broken agreement in that I raise my voice twice since the workshop, as I do, I catch myself. I acknowledge my broken agreement and I apologize to my children. I still have problems I need to work through. I notice that when the children break the agreement to go to bed and I share my feelings, they do not receive me and I feel extremely angry. I accept them not acknowledging the broken agreement and not receiving me, but the consequence of the broken agreement is they lose the privilege to watch their favorite TV program the following night.

I realize that to ensure harmony in my family I need to have clear agreements. As a family we defined our values. We list:

The right to share feelings
The right to be treated respectfully
The right to be treated fairly
The family vote rules

I realize these need some more work so I am interested in hearing your family values; family principals and family rules.

I write up my notes from the workshop as accurately as I possibly can.
I would appreciate it if you could review them and correct me if they have errors or are misleading in any way.
One item I am not sure about is the urgent vs important diagram.

Ed I am happy for your to share this document as you see fit. It may need some correcting first.

I think of you all with fond memories and I send you best wishes and warm regards,

Oct 18, 2013

Five Percent, Compounding

Dear Mr. Seykota,

It was a pleasure listening to your presentation at the (IFTA)conference. I had a quick question regarding one of your slides: You mentioned something like people who invest 5% of their assets every year tend to have exponential growth and these were usually entrepreneurs. This slide was before you mentioned about taxing assets.

Would my interpretation of this that individuals who systematically invest either 5% in themselves or 5% a year in business have a much higher chance of achieving exponential growth?

Regards,

Oct 17, 2013

Austin Tribe Meeting Report - Finding a Job

Hi Ed,

This is my report for the last Austin Tribe meeting.

I arrive just in time and happy to be there, feeling more relaxed than usual.

During the first process a member works on his overeating issues and I see how universal the "feeding mum" archetype is,always concerned about food and giving more and taking care to the point of suffocating...I can relate to it a lot.

During the rocks forgiveness I also get to see and experience how hard it is to get others to listen to or share feelings and that sometimes,or beyond a certain point, it is simply not possible. I feel some sadness and discouragement and a hint of anger.

The same issue comes up during the second process as well,as Hot Seat has to put in a lot of effort to get his parents to listen to his feelings. As the heart rock donor I have a hard time coaching him and helping him stay intimate. I feel caught up in my own issues and during the check out,as a member shares his fear of me being hit or hurt for staying in the middle of the fight,I get clarity and see how this is a common pattern for me and how as a kid I feel I have the responsibility to do all that I can to stop my parents when they're fighting and how when I am caught in the middle I feel paralysed and not knowing what do to and I feel I am walking through a minefield.

I also feel particularly stressed out when my mum asks me to opine or take sides in the fight and I recall my struggle to be as balanced as possible and just try to find a way to get them to listen to each other. Even when I am not there and I just overhear them I recall feeling responsible for their fights and that I am supposed to do something or that I can somehow find a way to get them not to fight.
I also realize that the feeling I get when I am in the middle of the fight is the same I get when I am stuck in the markets with positions going against me(in and losing or out and getting away from me).
Finally as I look for a job,I share my presentation letter to a company and I receive a lot of useful feedback from the Tribe.

I thank all the members for it.

Since the meeting I adopt a more direct and personal approach to finding a job and I rely more on sharing my desires with the people I know rather than sending letters here and there. I get a few good contacts and yesterday I have lunch with a friend who has a lot of contacts in the companies I'm interested in and now the next step is for me to have coffee with people from those companies and see what happens.

I also begin to get out of the scarcity mind-set and see that there are opportunities around me. I find by chance another super interesting company for which I'd love to work: a top performing global macro hedge fund that just happens to have its offices here. And my friend has contacts there!

I also get inspiration from the tribe member who would like to be an animator and who intends to use his work to get the job he wants and I work on a practical project to show my perspective employers what I can do for them. I feel this can work better than the usual letter+résumé combo.

I feel that one way or the other something good is going to come out of this!And that I have the opportunity to learn a lot and have fun as well.

I also feel that instead of being a delay,going out to work for a fund brings me closer to my ultimate goal of running a top performing hedge fund.

I want to thank you and the whole tribe for your support,your commitment and your example!
And have a good meeting almost now(a couple of hours and you're live)!

Best,

Oct 17, 2013

OSTS

Ed,

I offer a tool for any readers interested in experimenting with their communication style: I call it OSTS, meaning "One Sentence, Then Stop", and it is illuminating to see how this technique can significantly change the course of a conversation (especially if you are trying to be emotionally intimate), as well as how difficult it can be to do it (especially for repeaters/explainers like myself!).

Dear Ed,

I just wanted to check in and say thank you for all the wisdom you shared with me in Texas. Your words of encouragement have helped give me the confidence to work through the trading challenges and improve my trading during a recent down period. Because of the self-confidence you patiently helped me find in myself I have become a better trader and person. Thanks again and I hope your garden is staying prairie-dog free!

Oct 16, 2013

Breathwork Report

Chief,

My major issue during the Breathwork that I wanted to work on was whether or not I deserved to be successful. I have had a real problem with this issue for quite some time. I would consistently sabotage myself in almost every endeavor. I no longer have difficulty with this feeling. When if surfaces, I feel it and wonder what is bringing up this feeling. I enjoy having this feeling as ally rather than a hindrance.

The Breathwork was one of the most interesting experiences. I had never heard of it before this workshop. The preparation for the workshop started out the form that we use in the TTP process. This differed from the free floating exploration of the unconscious that most do with Breathwork. We went in with a purpose of resolving the issues that we developed through the forms. I felt I uncovered the difficulty that I was having in understanding my feelings.

Thank you,

Oct 16, 2013

Austin Tribe Report - More Productive

Chief,

This is my report from the Austin Trading Tribe meeting. I was unsure why I was so unmotivated or unfocused to work on my trading system/strategy. I seemed to always sabotage myself. The rocks process was used to resolve why I use food/alcohol to medicate my feelings. I could not verbalize the reason for my difficulty.

It took some time for me to working with you chief to develop the form. Once the form was established, I was frozen to find the memory that established this pattern.

This brought back a very early infant memory of being very cold and no blanket.

It also brought back a memory of how I deal with it. My father would have a drink like many at the end of the day to relax and enjoy his end of the day. My mother would feed the family and constantly seek validation of her cooking and making sure you had what you wanted to eat.

This is the pattern that I internalized at an early age. We used the rocks process to deal with this medicinal pattern that I have been using for the vast majority of my life. I found the forgiving of the rocks was very difficult. Thankfully a role model was used in order to help me get through this pattern.

Since this process, I have been to have a thoughtful choice about whether or not to use the medicinal rock or not. I have often chosen to not use that particular pattern. I find myself more productive overall. I do avoid the drama by not denying or suppressing my feelings.

Thanks,

Oct 16, 2013

Botox

Hello Ed,

I found this article interesting that people who get Botox injections in their face have less facial expression. The scientists believe that they experience lees emotional feedback to the brain because of the effects of these treatments which affect the muscles in the face.

Here's the link:

http://www.livescience.com/8325-botox-limits-ability-feel-emotions.html

Thanks,

Oct 16, 2013

IFTA Memories

Sir,

I really enjoyed getting the chance to meet you at the IFTA conference last week, and I hope the rest of your travels were safe.

Please see the attached picture you requested I send, and I would love to learn more about your Trading Tribe. Reading the original Market Wizards when I was an under grad at UVA was major factor in my pursuit of a career in trading, and I still love to re-read those interviews as the advice is timeless!

I am also currently the President of the [Name] Foundation, which promotes the technical of technical analysis on the college campus. If you would be interested in learning more about the [us], please let me know and visit our website.

Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Oct 16, 2013

From Codependent to Inter-Dependent

Dear Ed,

Once again I am blown away by how much I resonate with the feelings expressed by an FAQ contributor; this time, one who has an intense emotional reaction when his wife fails to keep up their normal daily contact while away on business (Incommunicado Wife).

I call this "falling into the hole", and, when it happens to me, it reflects the consequence of not receiving my necessary medication in a codependent relationship. That relationship can be with a person, a substance, or a behavior (like trading, in some cases, I imagine). To me, codependency means that you require the person, substance, or behavior, in order to feel "secure" within yourself.

In my case, when an important relationship does not "feed" me the security I need, I fall directly into the hole of abandonment, despair, worthlessness and self-hate. The FAQ writer seems to do it a bit differently, in that he feels the abandonment briefly and then launches into the "You can't fire me, I quit" mode by leaving and finding another relationship to feed him.

It's all about the self and not really about "loving" the other person, though the desperate need can feel like love if you are not aware of what you are really doing.

After seeing "the hole" more clearly, and seeing how quickly I can fall into it, I am committed to swimming out of it (there's water in there, though sometimes it feels like quicksand and other times it feels like a cesspool).

I am learning to accept other people as they are, and to release them from the requirement to be who I need them to be in my codependent psychodrama. I am learning to soothe myself and support myself, and to seek support when I need it from resources that can actually provide it to me in a healthy manner.

This feels incredibly good and empowering. Accepting someone as they really are allows me either to truly love them, unconditionally, or to realize that I really don't love them, and to deal with that truth.

I am grateful to the FAQ contributor for his willingness to share such personal and vulnerable feelings. I hope he does not give up in his commitment to share them with his wife and to hear her feelings as well. It can hurt, but, if you keep listening, it shows you the path out of the hole.

I am also deeply grateful to my Tribe for providing a safe environment for my personal growth to continue.

Oct 16, 2013

SF Tribe Report - Reconnecting with Wife

Hi Ed,

I'm writing to share some of what I learned at the SF TT meeting this last weekend.

After the TT meeting, I came away from the meeting realizing that I had been impatient and argumentative with my wife the last several weeks. I was not truly listening to her and understanding her feelings. In away, it was a relationship of "control" vs. a relationship of "intimacy."

The next day I had breakfast with my wife and I asked her, " how she felt?" A lot of emotion and feelings were shared. I responded with, "Thank you for sharing your feelings, are there any other feelings you would like to share with me?" More feelings were shared. I thanked her again for sharing. We repeated this process until everything that was bottled up, came out. We had emotionally connected again.

Emotional blocks occur when we don't ask about feelings, actively listen and understand.

Thank you for visiting this last weekend.

Oct 15, 2013

More on Drifting

Ed

Thanks for the insight! The entry points that you suggest bring up strong feelings!

Oct 15

Keeping an Important Agreement

Ed,

Dear Support Team

I hereby attach (as committed to deliver by October 15th), the Project Charter including my intention, vision, and values as well as project deliverables and time lines. I have also included my initial thinking on deliverables, the first drafts of which I intend to share with you by November 1st.

I appreciate any and all feedback that you might provide on these contents, towards supporting me in realizing my intention.

I feel deeply grateful for your support and find significant strength and confidence in moving forward with my project.

I feel confident, eager to learn, and am really enjoying the journey. This is fun!

Sincerely

Oct 15, 2013

Sharing Feelings of Not Wanting To Share Feelings

Hi Chief,

I find that there are few situations I am not willing to do sharing feeling.

One is when I think it's not worthwhile to do so. Last time when I return the rental car, I refill the gas but I don't have receipt. The meter is full but the lady suspects that since the usage mileage is low and maybe I even didn't refill gas. and she charges me extra fee. I feel angry and unfair. But it's only $13 and I feel it's not worth doing a feeling sharing. So I fall back to control mode and complain, threat not to use their service anymore and leave. So this is Dollar Amount Driven Sharing Decision.

The other is in phone conversation instead of in person. Sometime when my wife or my mom gets emotional on the phone and I feel too remote and inconvenient to do receiving/sending, I shutdown and feel not worth the bother. So this is a Distance Driven Sharing Decision

Thanks,

Oct 15, 2013

SF Tribe Meeting Report

Hi Ed,

Thank you for your generosity in sharing your rocks process with our tribe. We all benefited from your demonstration of the protocol involved. I attended with the intention of being in support of whoever had issues to resolve but not actually to participate myself as I have an upcoming task for which I needed to conserve my energies.

However I really did come away with a very precious nugget for which I am grateful.

There was a point in the proceedings where you insisted I repeat your words which I knew in my heart were inaccurate. I finally acquiesced so as not to disrupt the general group experience. I recognize that tendency in myself. I will be observant as time goes on of my tendency to please others so as not to cause conflict, at the expense of not being true to myself.

I feel great to have seen that in play!

Awesome, awesome workshop!

Thanks so much!

Oct 15, 2013

Austin Tribe Report - Fore Giving Rocks

Ed,

Our tribe welcomes several new members that attended the workshop. It was a very open meeting and it seemed like they were experienced tribe members. We are also joined by people going to the Breathwork workshop during the weekend.

A HS wants to be more committed to getting into better shape. But the tribe isn't sure he is really committed. Ed finds another form as an entry point and we role-play him and his parents using food and drinking to medicate feelings.

I step in as surrogate and try to share feelings with my parents. Both are very good at not letting me in to share feelings. One of the most important aspects was when I was trying to share with my dad but he wasn't interested, I finally laid the rock on the table and started to state that I just couldn't use the Rock my father had given me.

At that time I noticed anger in my dads eyes and I thought I had finally received a feeling from him. I wanted to try again and see if we could share feelings. Because I had set the rock down, the heart rock donor from the tribe comes up and gives me a new rock with better ways to handle situations.

After the process the tribe member that played my dad and I discussed his feelings of anger when I set the rock on the table. He stated he felt disrespected and he felt anger for me rejecting the way the family handles these issues.

It was very important for me to realize that these rocks that are passed down in families are important to the donors. They are so important they make sure to pass them down much like an inheritance. I feel sad when I think how important these rocks are in families.

Oct 15, 2013

Adelaide Tribe Report

Hi Ed,

I commit to report every Adelaide tribe meeting in the now.

We start meeting on the 10th of October in the flat of one of the tribe members.

Since the other two members are new to TTP and do not have any live experience I spend the first meeting in sharing knowledge about TTP and to make clear agreements about the tribe and its philosophy.

I arrive at the flat front door @ 19:31, 1 minute late, and meet the other members at the building front door.

I share that it is my intention to arrive late and assume responsibility for that intention. Then I have the opportunity to explain the concept of intentions = results. That everyone is responsible for everything that happens now.

I have a set of Djambe drums and a tamborine in my bag and a few notes to go though.

We spend lot of time to go though the material, make some agreements and make and answer questions.

We commit to Start the tribe at 20:00 as it suits all members better and we intent to finish the meeting at 22:00.

We commit to meet every 2nd and 4th Thursday of every month from now to end of February. We agree on having the 4th week of December Xmas break.

Some members inform that they may have some travel commitments already arranged.

I commit to lend my Trading tribe book to one of the members and set 2 conditions that are no negotiable.

1st that he reads the Books
2nd that the book is returned in 1 week.

The member feels reluctant in return in 1 week and asks for another week. I accept the counter offer and me have a deal.

We commit to finish the meeting @ 21:30.

We agree on practicing drumming. The owner of the flat is feeling concerned that it may disturb the neighbors. We do a test with him listening from the corridor and me and other member drumming. The sound is acceptable.

We drum for about 5 minutes and get in a nice groove then the drumming fades and we resume the meeting.

We do a check in and share feelings.

We agree on do the exercise of sending and receiving thoughts.

Since we are an odd numbers we alternate pairs. The goal is to practice sending and receiving. I feel very proud of the dedication if the new practitioner of TTP.

We do sending and receiving thoughts for about 20 minutes and it is 21:30.

We do a check out and the group share excitement about the process and the technology and some personal insights about the subconscious mind.

I suggest a homework for them to respond the workshop essays questions and to think of goals / issues they want to work in the Adelaide Tribe meeting series.

I feel excitement that intentions = results and that we three intended the Adelaide meeting to happen.

Thanks for the support and for receiving my feelings.

Oct 14, 2013

SF Tribe Meeting Report

Hi Ed,

Thanks for visiting the San Francisco tribe, very much appreciated. Thanks also to the Sacramento tribe for coming down, enjoyed having you.

Seeing the Rocks process live gives me a much better appreciation for what it's all about. Highlights include:

· More probing by Ed at the check-in to determine how hot the issues really are

· Freezing forms at their height, then directing that energy into a surrogate issue from early life / childhood

· Returning to the original issue once the old and new behavioral rocks have played out

· Releasing the role players to reset the group dynamic, and

· Final reflection by all participants for greater meaning

I'm intrigued by a later idea that goals are more achievable when they are emergent, iterative, and assisted by others – than a line drawn in the sand.

I'm wondering what the day was like for you and whether, on reflection, you had any further advice for the tribe(s).

Sincerely,

Oct 14, 2013

SF Tribe Meeting

Hi Ed,

Thank you very much for visiting our tribe and guiding this meeting. For me it was a very deep and rewarding experience though i was not on the hot seat.

Our goal for this meeting was to have a rocks process, which we wanted to then be able to implement in our own meetings. We as a group feel that the rocks process is a logical next step for us to have more lasting dissolution of issues.

During the check in i mentioned i was having feelings about an upcoming job interview and also fears of being able to perform the job well. One thing i noticed different in this meeting v/s the ones we normally have is that Ed challenged us regarding our issue, in order to gauge how hot the issue was.

In my case as i was challenged i started showing more forms and Ed felt he had something to work with. Out of 9 people present at the meeting it appeared 3 of us had hot issues: [A], me and [B].

A had gone first and Ed decided to work with him. His issue was communicating with his daughter and it seems to be a recurring issue for him. A started his hot seat and he went into his forms. Ed then asked A to hold his form and amplify the feeling. Next Ed asked A to remember a time when he was a child when he had the same feeling.

A was able to remember a time when he was a child where he felt the same way when his mother forced him to stay indoors during a dust-storm day fearing he would have an asthma attack and would have to go thru the painful hospitalization / doctor visit process.

We role-played this scenario with the "mom" actor forcing A to go to his room rather than go and play outside. A also recalled the different rocks he had learnt to handle this kind of situation: 1. Throwing a tantrum, 2. Sneaking out the window of his room. 3. Shutting himself down. He recalled learning these medicinal rocks from his mother (1) and his dad (2, 3). Ed then led A thru the process of returning these medicinal rocks to the rock givers. Different tribe members played the roles of the 3 medicinal rock givers. the process of returning the medicinal rock involved an intimacy centric way of doing it: giving the medicinal rock back without invalidating the rock giver.

What i found interesting / new to me is that the hot seat person has to actually convince the rock giver to take the rock back, using an intimacy centric model of communication. This is very powerful as it really commits the hot seat person to return the rock and this is probably very important in the healing process.

Once the hot seat person returned the medicinal rocks, he replayed the original interaction with his daughter through another tribe member. I took on the daughter's role. Ed guided A thru a way of communicating with the daughter where A accepted whatever the daughter told him without judgement / invalidation. This is the new "heart rock" for A which replaces the medicinal rocks.

While playing the daughter's role i actually got pretty hot since i happen to be a son with communication issues with my mother too! The interesting part is A could as well have been my mom!! Also as the communication gravitated more towards accepting what the daughter was saying, i could feel more intimacy from A. Also my responses moved more to progress in communication for A with his daughter. I can only hope this helped A.

For me the experience was like a hot seat. It actually felt almost like A and Ed were receivers (as Ed was guiding us thru the rocks process). I had defensive forms (folding my arms, pain in my biceps, agitated voice, mild shaking, etc). Some of my forms were likely also because i was worried i was not acting right and disrupting A's process.

This whole process took quite some time. We did not have time for one more process. However we had plenty of discussion about lot of associated issues around parenting, which helped me both in terms of ideas to deal with my kids and with my parents!

Personally, though i was not in the hot seat, just my role in the rocks process produced feelings in me which i have during a confrontation. By being guided thru the process by Ed, it almost felt like i had 2 receivers! Though i did not reach like a zero-point, i have been having a lot of AHAs even as i write this:

1. I have constantly been having issues with resistance to everything (say like going to bed on time, watching limited TV, etc). This is my way of getting back at my parents for the medicinal rocks they forced on me. Especially i feel empty/not satisfied when i over-eat/over-watch TV/sleep and get up late. This clearly indicates to me i was not getting anything out of doing these activities other than "getting back".

2. The intimacy-centric model starts with oneself. We need to accept ourselves as we are, welcome and accept our feelings. We treat others the way we see ourselves.

3. Many times i feel stressed out/worried about performing some task right. I realize now this is all because of a control model of being brought up, with perfectionism forced on me, being told that being wrong even in the slightest is a DISASTER!

4. I had a job interview today. As usual i was feeling tensed about it. I told myself i need not be stressed about it. TRUST MYSELF. ANY OUTCOME IS OK!! I still felt a bit tense, but i felt i coped with the situation better.

5. I had a small fight with my wife last night. I normally would have escalated by fighting back. I kept quiet and did not do anything to hit back. Situation resolved itself lot sooner. No escalation.

6. I can see how medicinal rocks are dictating my thoughts and responses. I can recall when they were given to me. (I know there are too many of these, but i can deal with whichever makes me hot when i am at a tribe meeting).

7. I probably get up late because my mom hated us getting up late and this was my way of asserting my independence (though she is not living with me).

All in all, it was a truly deep and moving experience for me. I did feel like at a zero point for most of the rest of the meeting day.

Thanks again for TTP and this meeting Ed!

Regards,

Oct 14, 2013

Connecting at IFTA

Ed,

It was nice to meet you again after so many years (decades). I forgot to mention our three favorite restaurants in Austin.

Curra's on Oltorf between 35 and Congress - dinner

Habenero's on Oltorf between Congress and Lamar – breakfast

El Patio on Guadalupe and 30th - lunch

The old honky tonk where Joplin played was called The Split Rail and is where the fast food place is now on Lamar just south of Town Lake.

All the best,

Oct 13, 2013

Likes Linda

Ed,

I see your picture with Linda Raschke. You look really great. I experience joy and love toward you and am really happy that you are doing well.

Best regards.

Oct 13, 2013

Rocks Process Demonstration

Chief Ed,

Thank you for leading and demonstrating the new and and always improving and evolving trading tribe process(TTP) on your special visit.

For me, the current version takes the hot seat beyond just a traditional TTP and instead of ending at a medicinal zero point takes the hot seat to the root sources of an issue giving the hot seat rocks/tools to see the causes and then another rock/tool to correct the issues.

Your demonstration of starting with the traditional process and freezing the hot seat at the top of maximum intensity and then carrying it into the Rocks Process is very educational. The "carry over" is very smooth. And it seems is the crucial juncture and the tribe has to get that right in order to proceed further and conclude it successfully.

We as a tribe intend to incorporate these new elements/techniques into our processes and thus helping each other in achieving our right livelihood.

Than you also for instilling the urgency of NOW in getting me to follow my dream and goal of another fund.

Have a great trip to Southern California.

Oct 13, 2013

Accepting Others

Hi Ed,

After the last tribe meeting, I reflect on the futility in trying to control people's actions and feelings. I am also accepting that I am not responsible for other people's feelings. In the same way, I am the only one responsible for my feelings. I think these are basic TTP concepts.

I am also noticing that sometimes I take an action which involves other people, and I expect a specific response from them. I even think in possible outcomes. I feel anxiety and tightness in my stomach. Sometimes, I wonder if my thinking process is compulsive.

Then, I realize that no matter what I want or think, I do not know what other people might do. I have no control. When I get to this point of acceptance, I feel relief. However, I still have a long way to go on this.

In one of the processes, the parents of hot seat argue about money. They are so focus in their personal issue, that they neglect hot seat's feelings. This process reminds me of my parents arguing about money when I am a kid. I recall feeling neglected by them during their fights. I role play the mother. The mother expresses frustration and anger. After she shares feelings, she is more willing to listen to her son.

During the process, hot seat receives a rock with proactive resources such as sharing feelings. He is also able to accept their parents the way they are. Sometimes they might not be willing to listen and share feelings.

In the other process, hot seat medicates feelings with food. This is also an issue in my family. My mother expresses affection cooking.

Sometime she insists that I eat more food even though I tell her I am already full. Tribe members role play the father and mother. Hot seat receives a rock with proactive resources such as sharing feelings. He shares feelings. He also learns that sometime his parents might not be willing to share and listen to his feelings. When this situation arises, one option might be to accept them the way they are.

Thanks

Oct 12, 2013

People Get What They Want

Dear Ed,

I see that Van Tharp writes about a something that he calls "trading in the now". Furthermore, I read that he sustains that "People get exactly what they want out of the markets".

I remember seeing this somewhere else ...

Best regards,

Oct 11, 2013

Heads-Up: AlphaMetrics

Dear Ed,

Just a heads up.

AlphaMetrix Admits Cash-Flow Issues

CHICAGO, Oct 10 (Reuters) - The parent company of a firm CME Group Inc CME.O and the National Futures Association hired to help launch a program to improve futures customer protections said on Thursday it had financial problems and was working to improve internal controls.

The troubles at Chicago-based AlphaMetrix have accelerated plans by CME and the NFA to eliminate an affiliate of the company from the process of making daily checks on the balances that futures brokers are holding in customer accounts, according to the NFA.

The daily checks began earlier this year as a way to beef up customer protections after the bankruptcies of Peregrine Financial Group in 2012 and MF Global in 2011 rattled confidence in the futures industry. The now-defunct brokers dipped into customer segregated accounts in violation of industry rules.

AlphaMetrix's problems could hurt the reputations of CME, the largest U.S. futures market operator, and the NFA, which hired the firm as part of a drive to boost customer confidence by improving oversight and transparency in the futures industry.

AlphaMetrix has "encountered significant cash flow issues and is working to strengthen its current financial position and its continued operations," President and Chief Executive Officer Aleks Kins said in a letter to customers.

The company, known for hosting lavish conferences, fired its chief financial officer and hired accountants to review and improve its internal controls and record keeping, according to the letter.

AlphaMetrix's commodity pool (CPO) - where investors contribute money to trade futures, options and other contracts - has delayed payments owed to third-party money managers and participants, according to the letter. The size of the pool could not be learned.

"AlphaMetrix's and the CPO's liabilities greatly exceed their liquid assets, not taking into account the value of its other assets," Kins said.

CME and the NFA hired AlphaMetrix360, a unit of AlphaMetrix, last year to expedite the launch of a system to conduct daily verifications of customer account balances.

Starting on Oct. 29, banks will provide end-of-day balances in customer segregated fund accounts directly to CME, instead of to AlphaMetrix360, NFA spokesman Larry Dyekman said.

After receiving account information from banks, CME will forward to the NFA data regarding brokers that are regulated by the NFA, Dyekman said. Account balances are compared to daily segregated fund balances reported by brokers to identify suspicious discrepancies.

CME and the NFA had always planned to bring the verification process in house, CME spokeswoman Laurie Bischel and NFA spokesman Larry Dyekman said. The "negotiations picked up over the last few weeks due to AlphaMetrix's financial situation," Dyekman added.

The NFA regulates the commodity pool run by AlphaMetrix and is monitoring the firm's financial situation, he said.

Dyekman did not mention AlphaMetrix's financial troubles in calls and emails about parting ways with the firm, until Reuters obtained a copy AlphaMetrix's letter to customers.

Oct 11, 2013

Forlorn

Ed,

Forlorn is how I feel when I contemplate this:

John Taylor After 25 years, FX Concepts is getting out of the hedge fund business, as poor performance and investor redemptions proved too much for the one-time currency giant to survive.

New York-based FX said yesterday that it would close its investment management business and liquidate all of its hedge funds. The firm expects the process to be completed by the end of next month.

And this:

FX has been battered by a brutal environment for quantitative hedge funds. Taylor said in July that "trend-following is dead" due to "financial markets pushed by political and central bank diktats."

Oct 11, 2013

Tribe Experience

Hi Ed,

I join the New York City tribe in 2010 whilst living in America. I return home the same year and after an absence of a few years I make the commitment to re-join a tribe in September 2013. The nearest is at Sydney which is a significant commute but I figure it is cheaper than the alternative (DIM). I want to see members with workshop experience in action to build my knowledge of process manager/leader roles with the aspiration of applying it to a tribe in my city "one day" as well as change my relationship style from control to intimacy. I also want to explore a recurring feeling I get in my ear. I am nervous about joining a new tribe.

Catching the train to the meeting from the airport I think about my ex-girlfriend and her being with another man. This makes me intensely sad and I make a mental note to let her know how I feel. I get off the train and try and find the best way to get to the meeting.

My plane is late by an hour which will push the limits of arriving on time. I find the bus I need to catch and jump on just before it takes off. The bus driver tells me I need a prepaid card and he directs me off the bus. I get off the bus and begin to panic trying to find a cab to take me to the meeting. I rush from corner to corner trying to hail a cab – I can't find one. I am going to be late. I steady myself, pick a busy corner and wait.

A cab arrives and I get in and head to the meeting. On the way to the meeting I check my emails and the tribe leader informs the tribe that he will not be attending. Another member of the tribe with workshop experience also cancels. The tribe is down to two people. Initially I feel relief! The meeting will be called off. Thank god I don't have to get on the hot seat in front of a group of people I haven't met and be intimate!

Shortly after I feel really angry. I think that if I can make the commitment, it is really lousy that the tribe leadership can't commit. Then I feel disappointed about coming so far and not achieving my goals. I continue to head to the meeting just to say I made it and prepare other arrangements for the evening. On the way I have a laugh at myself. I create a situation so ridiculous that this outcome <feeling disappointment> is highly likely!

My feelings change. I laugh at the ridiculousness of this drama. I then get another e-mail saying that the meeting is still on. I now feel nervous again. *Nervous – Sadness - Panic – Relief – Anger – Disappointment – Nervous. This pattern reminds me of times where I enter high-risk, low-reward, leveraged and ultimately losing trades. In my country we call this experience a "Claytons" hot seat, the hot seat you have when you're "not having a hot-seat". I arrive at the meeting bang on time.

I meet the host. I tell him this story and my feelings*. He receives them and says that he was going to cancel but knew how I would feel so decided to push on. TTP disappears into living. We talk and get to know each other, I feel at ease. The other member arrives and <book x> is bought up and discussed at length.

Oct 11, 2013

Drifting

Ed,

I am absent a tribe for a few years and the other members appear unsure of leading so we follow the TTP script. We drum, then check in, we take turns in asking what we think, then how we feel, the room has a distinct feel about it. Good hot seats coming up. We then have a break, come back 5 minutes later and the leader asks to "show forms". Attempts to create forms seem rigid and put on. The room has no feel about it. The momentum that think/feel exercises creates is lost with the break. Perhaps the break is poorly timed. I then question the rationale for the "show forms" process in TTP. It seems clunky. If you are hot, you take the hot seat and let her rip. If not what form do you show? Maybe we misapply it?

We then move to the hot seats process.

Member one takes the seat. The host dims the lights and begins to drum. I am unsure about the drumming but roll with it. Member One talks about "things". The meeting seems to come back to <book x> I consider this immaterial. The hot seat is about experiencing feelings. It is unclear who is leading the process so I decide to direct the member back to dramas that she mentions in the thoughts/feelings process. She touches on these dramas briefly and begins to rub her head vigorously. We validate. She then talks about "things" again. I bring her back to dramas she mentions in the check in exercises. I feel as though I am pushing her pretty hard. We validate her form of rubbing her hair and shaking her arms. Member one then returns to talking about <book x>. I continue to ask her how she feels about the dramas she mentions. At this point I have taken over as process manager as the host is drumming without providing much validation. The closer to the drama she gets the more intense her forms become. I validate her forms. Member one goes close to tipping over but pulls up abruptly. I am not sure I should have pushed this much? I am new here. She checks out and talks about <book x>.

I take the hot seat. I am not really hot but attempt to experience the feeling in my ear. I ask both tribe members to really push me. I talk about historical situations that lead to the feeling in my ear to give the host things to prompt me with. I mention that when the host mentions the word "trade" in the initial check in that my ear throbs <localized "head ache" style feeling in an area within my right ear about the size of a grape>. I focus on this feeling. Writing this my ear is throbbing! I mention that it throbs whenever I stress. I try to take this to form but really struggle to get it out physically in a form. Am I the incorrigible guy? I don't really feel this hot seat. The process loses energy. I check out and Member one mentions the positive intentions of this feeling. She mentions that it may act as an early warning sign. This is a good insight, I mention that I want to get to the bottom of this feeling. The discussion goes back to <book x>. A meeting about system design outside of the TTP meetings is put forward.

The host is the last member yet to take the hot seat. I ask him directly "Do you want to take the hot seat?" He declines to answer. The discussion is still on <book x>. I contribute no input to the discussion about the merits of <book x>. I ask him again do you want to take the hot seat? He agrees and decides to take <what he has to do in terms of system design> to the hot seat according to <book x>. I suggest that he take <issue a> or <issue b> that he mentions in the thinking/feeling exercises to the hot seat (both are dramas that I consider likely to have k-nots, issue A: ex-boss and issue B: juggling too many things). He sticks with <what he has to do in terms of system design>. I bring my chair closer to him and member one does the same and begins to drum under dim lights. He closes his eyes and takes the chair and mentions things that he has to do and begins to rubs his hands together. We encourage him to keep telling us what he has to do and to keep rubbing his hands. He mentions an endless list of household jobs, clean room etc. We validate. He then mentions a massive issue involving a family member, I ask him how he feels about this he hunches over and continues to rub his head we both encourage this. He then mentions another massive health issue involving a close friend. I ask him how he feels about this and he then goes back to talking about household jobs. We encourage his forms (rubbing hands and hunching over) I direct the questioning back to the health related issue. He then tells me "Don't go there". I immediately stop directing the process. The hot seat continues for a few more minutes with me providing validation only. The hot seat seems unresolved and the check-out ends with a discussion about <book x>. He makes a mental list of commitments as part of the check-out related to what I consider distractions (clean room, system design, etc.). I want to say that these things seem unimportant considering the real issues going on within his "essential tribe" and that his family may need his support. I don't say this to him as he asks me not to go there. Perhaps this is my way of communicating this?

After the meeting this member drives me to my hotel and talks about <book x> most of the way. I suggest that his family member may like to take a hot seat. He says no to this idea. Before he drops me off he mentions feelings of anger. I am too tired to receive his feelings properly.

Check out:

I feel like I have probed harder into both members issues than they usually do at tribe meetings. I am unsure as to whether it is my role to do this and whether this is correct application of the TTP process? I feel like every hot seat at the meeting (including mine but perhaps excluding the "Clayton" one?) is medicinal. Talk about things but not really getting to the point. I feel like a bit of a fraudster in pushing other members to tip over yet not tipping over myself. One member attends tribe meetings for several years. He mentions that at prior meetings there is guitar playing and "yoga" style poses for forms. I guess I get what I want out of the experience, absent tribe leadership I get to have a go at running a process and experience a range of feelings.