Oct 31, 2013

Wants Permission

Hello There,

I have made a booklet that I give my tenants when they move in to our apt bldg.. It has their new address, manager contact info, How to get repairs, trash day is etc. While looking for a clip art image to put beside the manager information I came across your cartoons and really loved one and would like to add this humor to an otherwise boring information listing in booklet formation.

I am not selling these or letting anybody else use my booklet, it is just for my tenants.

Could I please have permission to use the cartoon below about not using the elevator as a spare bedroom for the tenants visiting family?

http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/wwe1255l.jpg

I would like to have my booklet all ready for me to hand out to new tenants on November 4th 2013.

Thank you very much for your time,

Oct 31, 2013

Reporting In

Dear Ed,

Relationship dynamics continue to be an exciting focus of attention for me lately.

I really resonate with the report from the contributor who tries to share feelings with his girlfriend but sees that he is also being somewhat accusatory and not maintaining rapport. He says he looks forward to a chance to try it again and continue to practice intimacy-centric communication.

I think we sometimes expect that when a conversation is intimate, it will be warm and fuzzy or comfortable. It is so difficult not to become defensive, or go on the attack, when we are hearing something we do not like or if we are receiving anger from someone.

Receiving anger without becoming reactive is so hard! After all, am I not supposed to "stick up for myself"? It is so easy to shift to guarding my ego instead of staying focused on what the other person might be experiencing that leads him to express anger towards me.

I find that often I don't realize until later that I did either a good, or not so good, job of staying connected and communicating in an intimate way.

At the time the conversation is happening, I now am learning, through Tribe experiences and TTP, to literally "go with the flow" of trying to maintain connection and rapport, even if I am feeling raw and confused by what is happening.

The words that are being said become less significant than the feeling of wanting to stay connected, which guides me towards continuing to receive and validate the importance of the other person's feelings.

I hope that after this becomes more the norm for me, the angry parts of the conversation will become shorter and more easily transformed into the flow of two-way intimacy.

Best,

Oct 31, 2013

Breathwork Weekend Report: 1 Month Later

Dear Ed,

It's morning and I am standing here staring at the monitors watching the markets. I never sit while trading; standing gives me a better feel for the game. Markets are not sitting either, they always move. I move with them. Awhile ago I made the decision to master the trading craft, so I am putting in my time. Like a writer, poker player, craftsman I get better only by putting in the time. Every trading day I am here watching and trading.

I arrive to do the Breathwork weekend with an intention to work on an issue I am experiencing while executing my discretionary trading plan. The cycle always repeats itself. I do well logging one win after another, day in day out, trading away.

The catch is it is all relatively small in size. I am comfortable with a small size. So I decide to increase it. During this period I start to make different decisions. I start to make mistakes and take losses.

I take this issue into Breathwork and explore it. Yet that is not all. During the clarification process I get deeply affected by the issues of other members. I experience their issues as well; physical pain, pain of rejection, pain of being squeezed, dealing with monsters, fear of meeting and talking to people of power and status, issues of always falling behind financially.

In the Breathwork I get an answer of courage. It takes courage to sit down and work every day, it takes courage to fail or to succeed, courage to wait for success even if we're doing things right, courage to look in the mirror and see what might be wrong in our process, courage to deal with the pain and listening to it not blocking it.

One month later:

Position Size
I trade larger positions initially losing 4% and then gaining it back. I stay focused and balanced, as far as I can tell. I seem to orient on longer time horizon now more and more in my discretionary trading. The voice in my head is telling me large moves are where the gravy is. New found courage helps to sit tight.

Relationship with my wife
We connect on a much deeper level and at times cannot keep our hands off of each other. We hug and kiss a lot which is something that was almost gone from our lives before. We are happy.

On money
Systematic trading has a good run, up more than 15% this year. My other business slowed last month so I am paying my bills from savings – falling behind a little bit but not going into debt. I am not stressing about it much. I am very busy up until now and make a good deal of money this year. Being less busy this month allows me to enjoy life more.

Relationship with my children
I do science projects with my eight year old son. We do a lot of exercising and crafts. I cuddle with my 18 month old a lot, we laugh, giggle and kiss all the time. He is very inquisitive, not afraid to push any buttons, runs around with a smile on his face screaming whatever it is he screams about. He is a true joy.

On Diet
Since the workshop I buy much more fruits and vegetables and we all eat much healthier.

On Pain
I used to be a bodybuilding champion in my younger years, however last couple of years for the first time in my life I do not exercise. I start feeling pain in my back more frequently. After Breathwork I get back to exercising every morning. I feel stronger, healthier. My back still hurts. Best part is my wife joins me and exercises as well. We feel good.

Business building
After two years of avoiding anything to do with raising funds I am gearing up to get back into action. I am looking to allocate time and money to traveling and meeting people in the money raising industry. I created a pact with another trader to support each other on this common goal. The last couple of years I see obstacles. Now I see possibilities.

Relationships
The network of people I seem to naturally gravitate are all traders or business men. We have a lot to talk about and the relationships seem to get deeper. We explore possibilities together in system development or actual trading of commodities bringing them from one part of the world to another. I feel energized and worthy.

Summary
I had been here before many times. I experience something like Breathwork and I tell myself – I got it! I understand. That's it. I know what to do now. I am so excited about projects to a point that I can't sleep. As a champion in bodybuilding at 17 years old I was so focused, so determined and so hungry there was no other option but to succeed. I feel kind of like that now. However, I notice a big difference.

At the end of the bodybuilding quest of training and dieting there is a contest, a definite end of the road milestone.

Now there isn't one. There is also not a blue print on how to do it like in bodybuilding. I now understand that every day is a new day for me to get up and fight the temptation to give in and let that feeling in my gut (fear) stop me from pushing towards growth, call a client, get my position bigger, working on something to grow the business - pushing the boundaries of my comfort. I finally see that feeling in gut as an ally who signals that what I am doing or about to do may result ( or may not) in growth. I also notice that when I do courageously go and do my work that afterwards I am happier with myself. I enjoy my family more and life in general. It almost seems like I have to push out of my comfort zone to do the work every day in order to feel satisfied with myself and only then I am happy. I am on my path.

Ed thank you for riding the bus, as you say, and assisting me to find my path.

Thanks to all the breathers as well, for bringing up all the other stuff, and working on it!

Sincerely,

Oct 30, 2013

Breathwork Follow-up

In Breathwork my goal is to gain some managed accounts and to call on potential investors.

It seems all interconnected to me with what is developing in my other relationships and learning to ask for what I want.

Since Breathwork my goal is to get everything in place to contact potential clients. Business cards should arrive soon and I have already received other marketing materials. My website will be complete in a week or so. I have a list of potential clients. I revise my disclosure document with my updated logo and other details. I feel excited about contacting potential clients and receiving a lot of turndowns.

Oct 30, 2013

Austin Tribe 10/17: The Rubber Hits the Road

Ed,

Various tribe members share their issues to take a hot seat. The first tribe member (tm) to share describes his issue with holding anger in. He describes an event when he is coaching t-ball for his son's team and another coach gets pushy. He shuts down but bottles all the anger up.

Another tm describes that she wants to change her business model to fee for service and move away from insurance.

Another tm wants to ask women out and get close but is holding back. Another tm describes problems completing projects.

I relate to all of these issues. A hot seat and process for everyone unfolds under the watchful eye of the process manager (PM). The hot seat gets into a form and then describes his mother giving him soup and he does not like it. When he complains she berates and beats him. His mother gets very angry. I relate to holding anger inside or other feelings related to shame and guilt. Internally I react to control of all types.

My girlfriend is raised in a high control environment. She likes to instruct me on what I should eat, what clothes I need to wear, how to wear my hair, how to drive, etc… At first, I go along to get along and respond with something to lighten the conversation or change the subject. After some time though I notice I resent being told what I am to eat and not eat, etc… and I feel defiance.

My defiance usually manifests with doing exactly what will push her buttons. Eat the cake or cookies, wear the boots I like or a number of other things most of which are actually just me. I wear something because it's comfortable not to please everyone.

Anyway, last Saturday night when she gets pushy telling me where to park I resist and hold all the frustration and anger in. We sit in the truck a long time both not willing to budge. I finally decide to park where she says but I am ready to vent my feelings at this point. She asks how I feel and I tell her I feel angry and frustrated and I do mix in some accusations with it.

Yep, this is where the TTP rubber hits the road. I share my feelings but do not develop the connection and rapport when I share. So I notice I hold in a lot of feelings during this entire relationship. I look forward to sharing in TTP intimacy mode next time.

I also notice it is difficult for me to ask for what I want and when I repeatedly set aside what I want many feelings build up. It's like water building up behind a dam. It appears to me that it is just as true in my relationship with myself. This seems to all relate perfectly as I am ready to call on potential investors soon and learning to ask for what I want. I learn a lot during this tribe meeting and I really appreciate the effort and hard work everyone does to bring all these issues to light.

Oct 30, 2013

C++

Dear Ed:

Since my days in the Los Angeles tribe I did commit to learn C++. After not quite doing so on my own, I enrolled in a class this fall at the local college. May I have your permission to show the data sheet "System_Math" from your website to my professor if necessary, for the purposes of trading system development?

Thanks.

Enjoyed seeing you for lunch yesterday, just wanted to confirm our scheduled lunch on Feb 1st to review my short term discretionary trading results to see whether I'm able to pass the easy test that you described.

Thanks,

Next, another member (2), wants to ... attract clients willing to pay higher fees. She reports meeting [a colleague] who she describes as articulate and good looking. Tribe member feels incompetent when she compares herself with [the colleague]. She reports issues with low self worth and not asking for what she wants.

Another member (3) reports issues with commitment and completion of certain projects.

I share with the tribe that I would like to work on rejection. Several months, I meet a lady and we go out once. We do not see each other until a few weeks ago. I want to ask her out again. I write her an email, but in the email I do not ask for what I want. I just write about an irrelevant topic. The process manager (PM) helps me see that my issue is not really about rejection. It is more about low self worth and not asking for what I want.

I take the hot seat. I get into forms with my hands. The tribe encourages me. The PM asks me to freeze the forms and to intensify the feeling. Then the PM asks me to recall a time when I feel like this before. I am covering my face with my hands. My mother is hitting me on the face. I do not want to eat a vegetable soup. I do not like how it tastes. I want something else like French fries and a steak. My mom insists that I eat the soup. I eat a little bit and spit it back to the soup bowl. My mom is very angry.

We role play this event. A tribe member role plays my mom. The role playing is intense and very real for me. I feel fear and I hate my mom for forcing me to eat that soup. Then, the three tribe members I describe above show up with their respective medicinal rocks. The first medicinal rock is to do not express my anger, and to let the feeling boil inside me. The second rock is to feel worthless and do not ask for what I want. The third rock is to shut down, do not commit and do not risk anything. I feel overwhelmed as I receive the three rocks simultaneously.

Next, the PM asks me what I want to do. He tells me that it is ok if I just want to leave things the way they are. I do not want these medicinal rocks in my life. I want to change. I feel like I am wasting my time. I agree to proceed with the process.

Then, I approach each tribe member to forgive the rocks. I try to validate them. One tribe member (3) is busy writing and does not want to hear what I have to say. I ask him for a few seconds to tell him something very important. He agrees to listen to me. Another member (1) stands up and tries to bully me. I feel fear and I express my fear. The last tribe member (2) receives the rock and then tries to give it back to me. She does not want the rock. I tell her that I can help her with her issues later. Immediately after I forgive the rocks, a tribe member gives me a new heart rock with proactive resources such as sharing and asking for feelings. This rock also comes with tech support.

We role play the event one more time. This time, I thank my mom for taking care of me. I also tell her that I do not like the soup. My mom tells me that during her childhood she does not have the option to choose foods. I ask her to tell me more about it. At some point she does not want to hear me, and she only insists that I eat the food. I tell her that I deserve to be heard. I also express that I prefer French fries and steak. When she tells me that we cannot afford steak, I ask her if I can get some rice and beans instead. She agrees. I also acknowledge her for working very hard to bring the food to the house.

Then, I ask my mom if she wants to receive a gift from me. The gift is a heart rock with proactive resources such as sharing and receiving feeling. She agrees to receive the gift. I explain her how this heart rock works.

Next, the three tribe members forgive their medicinal rocks to their donors. They also receive a heart rock with proactive resources.

After checking out the process, the PM asks me how I feel about the lady I want to ask her out. I say that I would like to know her better.

A few days after the tribe meeting, I see the lady I write the email and I want to ask her out. I tell her that I would like to know her better. I ask her if she would like to go out for dinner. I sense that she is nervous. She tells me that she plans to travel. First, I take her answer as a "No". Then she tells me that we can agree into something afterward. So her answer becomes a "Maybe". I plan to ask her out again.

Thanks

I meet with three former tribe members to engage in TTP or some semblance of it for the first time in over 4 years. Though we do meet occasionally in the last couple of years, either for dinner and discussion or for breath work, TTP is not on our agenda. One of the members suggests not long ago that revisiting TTP is something he is interested in doing. Initially I feel resistance as the most recent meetings of our former tribe lack true intention (I think) and seem to be forced, or maybe better described as us going through the motions.

I think about TTP and the time I spend with it over the course of five years or so and it occurs to me that I am productive and trading is good during those years. The years since are marked with low productivity, little focus and poor trading results. The trading results I attribute to trendless markets as I do stick to my system. The lack of focus and low productivity I attribute to the malaise I feel enduring a protracted period of non-performance in trading.

I agree that engaging in TTP is timely and we three agree to meet to see where it takes us. We even bring our drums.

Some introductory discussion has us approaching entry points. I am on the hotseat in very short order as my feelings are intense and very much on the surface. I feel like I give it my all and really try to stay in my feelings and hold them and touch them and feel them and welcome them and experience them as fully as I can. TTP is like 'riding a bike' in this regard I decide, as even after a four plus year hiatus I am able to connect with myself quickly and I believe honestly.

My hotseat is intense. I cry, though stop short of bawling. I can't seem to get there. A lot of old familiar forms show up. I am exhausted afterward and while we decompress and begin checking out, my feelings come right back up and my tribe mates get me right back on the hotseat. I go again with similar intensity and the results are very similar to the first time. Ultimately I feel drained but with a visceral sense of satisfaction.

Tribe member #2 asks to share some things that he has written down in advance of the meeting- essentially entry points. When he talks about a conflict he has with guys that coach his soccer team with him he becomes visibly 'hot'. Though he really likes to talk about this conflict, which clearly gives him something he enjoys, he is finally able to get into forms, some which are also very familiar. He works to get into his feeling authentically and I am very gratified to be able to help and receive him as is tribe member #3. He is very self-reflective during our checkout, which is true to form, and appears to gain some insight.

Tribe member #3 opts out of a hotseat pointing to the time and that he doesn't feel particularly hot. We accept this and support his decision.

We do a group checkout and decide that we should be doing TTP with some regularity and agree to meet once each month for TTP, at least at the outset. Overall, I leave the meeting reinvigorated for the intention and the process. On the long ride home I feel really grateful for having these guys that I can depend on and who depend on me for unequivocal support. We all comment on how great it is to engage in something with others that is so honest and totally free of judgment.

Thanks and I really look forward to reading your new book.

Kind regards,

Oct 29, 2013

Wants Govopoly Details

Mr. Seykota,

I notice your announcement for your new book. Where can the book be ordered and what is the price?

Respectfully,

Oct 29, 2013

Honesty

Dear Ed,

I am glad to know about Govopoly. I hope it will be available on Amazon.

Just read this and thought of sharing with you:

Once we learn to be honest with ourselves about our feelings, we can begin to directly express ourselves to others.

As usual,

thanks a lot for your guidance, of all these days.

Again, more loving hugs from my side.

and best wishes too.

Oct 29, 2013

Austin Tribe Meeting—October 17, 2013

Ed,

The first Hot Seat deals with a Tribe Member who says he is shy about asking a woman out that he finds attractive. He e-mails her about her favorite sports team but avoids asking her out. He gets into his forms and remembers a time when his mother becomes angry with him because he won't eat the soup she has prepared. He makes a face and refuses to eat it. He wants steak and fries. She becomes furious and demands he eats the soup but he refuses. Other Tribe Members who have expressed their issues earlier such as not expressing anger, feeling not good enough in comparison to other's and not progressing on their project. While another Tribe Member expresses not moving forward on projects and not wanting to experience rejection. All of these issues are about holding back and not expressing what we want. All of these are used in the Rocks Process as Rocks for the person on the Hot Seat.

I can relate to the Rock of holding back anger because when I expressed my anger as a child my mother would say, "OK, be nice now", then I would suppress my anger. I felt it was wrong to express anger. I can relate to the issue of feeling inadequate because when I was younger and I became frustrated with something my mother would intervene. For example, I received a toy movie projector that I wanted very much for Christmas and the film became twisted. I became frustrated and my mother told me to give it to my father to fix. I gave it to him but I knew he would break it. He came back later with the toy and he had broken the film. He said I would need to splice it. I tried to splice the film with the repair kit that came with it but my toy never worked right again. I felt very sad. I can relate as well to the Hot Seat and the other Tribe Member who holds back and fears rejection. When I was a child my brother made fun of my drawings of comic book characters. He also said when he went to visit our aunt she made fun of my drawings as well. I felt rejection, sadness and anger.

Later in the meeting, I showed my drawings for my animation project to get feedback. Some Tribe member's felt that some of the drawings missed the mark for expressing the feelings I thought they showed. I felt sad about that. I also had feedback on the drawings quality as well. I received feedback indicating if I could make the drawings less technical and just concentrated on showing the feelings. I was doing this for my own edification as well. I felt positive about the Tribe Member's comments and felt more motivated for my project,

Ed,

Congratulations on finishing Govopoly! Please post info on how to order it when it's available.

Bastrop Breathwork Follow Up: My experience in the September Breathwork in Bastrop was unremarkable so I sign up for a session in [city] this past weekend and seem to have another un-remarkable session. However, the last couple of days I seem to be angry (angrier?). I notice that and control it. I feel subconscious anger like a volcano waiting to erupt and I remember your suggestion to take things slowly.

Austin Tribe Follow Up: I enjoy attending my first tribe meeting in Austin. Afterwards, I think I've been too analytical and not "feeling" enough. I will review TTP and be better prepared for the next meeting.

Again, congratulations on finishing Govopoly,

Oct 29, 2013

Crowd Behavior Here in Central Texas

Ed,

I see this example of emotional crowd or herd behavior / reaction:

http://www.myfoxaustin.com/story/23613321/officials-predict-lake-travis-will-run-dry-by-2016

I feel fascination over the participant's abilities to predict the future.

I understand the importance of risk control / diversification when the trading system is your public water supply.

I continue sharing with "prominent water planning professionals" the difference of planning for what we do not know, rather than planning for what we think or assume we know (about the statistical distribution of rainfall occurrence).

I perceive historical water planning methods have remarkable similarity to curve fitting a trading system.

Nasim Taleb's book "Fooled by Randomness" is also a handy reference for me (realizing 40 years of rainfall runoff data do not capture the distribution of significant outlier events very well).

With this insight, I experience newfound surety in the presence of my peers.

I see two definite strategies to address Central Texas' concerns about drought and risks to public health and safety: 1) groundwater located throughout Gonzales, Caldwell, Bastrop, Lee, Fayette, Milam, and Burleson counties, and 2) desalination of the Gulf of Mexico.

I notice more willing listening by people now than was present 5 years ago.

I attribute this to both my more friendly delivery and their interest in the subject.

I thank you for helping me foster clarity of intention about a range of life's challenges.

Cheers,

Oct 29, 2013

Congratulations

Dear Ed

Congratulations on completing your book!

I look forward to reading the final version, and playing with the various System Dynamics models on the related resources website.

Oct 28, 2013

Blocking with Anger

Hi Ed,

This is my experience:

I take the HS and run through a process in response to Ed's reply to my FAQ post. I mostly just talk, talk talk about feelings of regret.

Tribe leader stops my tactics of avoiding feelings and asks me to recall times in the past when I experience the feeling that both Ed's and the tribe leaders replies to my FAQ post generate.

I find it difficult to replicate the strong feelings these replies evoke (a feeling "from left chest running down deep into the gut"). I recall historical situations where I experience this feeling e.g. when I am a passenger in a car that my brother is driving and we nearly have a car crash, wiping out all of my equity in my trading account and a time that I am surfing and a dolphin swims underneath me which I initially think is a shark.

I am sure there are other times that elude me now as I reflect but I do not enjoy experiencing this feeling and actively avoid it when it arises at all costs. I take one example to the hot seat of a situation that brings up this feeling (as per working with regret/accepting the rocks process post).

I struggle to recreate the intensity of the feeling that this historical situation (and Ed's reply creates). I run through a hot seat and PM asks me to "freeze" the feeling where we then run through a rocks process. Tribe leader identifies that my medicinal response is to "run-away/shut down communication/avoid this feeling". While re-enacting the scene with a pro-active response (not running/communicating my feelings/experiencing feelings).

I feel feelings of anger which cause me to not want to use the proactive rock. My body wants to instead lash out with feelings of anger. I experience this feeling of anger but make a choice to use the new resources that tribe equips me with instead (not running/communicating my feelings/experiencing the feeling). I commit to using this approach outside of tribe.

Yesterday, I realise that I live my life in fear of a feeling and avoid situations that bring it up. I hope that by documenting this experience it adds value to our tribe.

Thanks

Oct 28, 2013

NRH Tribe Meeting: Radiation

Hi Ed,

At our last NRH Tribe meeting, the Hotseat has some trouble going deeper into her feelings. As process manager, I enlist the help of the tribe to create cognitive dissonance for the Hotseat. This works. The Hotseat is able to go deeper and the tribe continues supporting the Hotseat. She fully develops her form, and she finds the critical incident. We complete the rocks process, and I am mystified at how the role players pick up on exactly what the Hotseat needs to complete her process.

This process reinforces with me that it is actually the Hotseat that controls the process by radiating and attracting what is necessary for the Hotseat to complete the process—including having the process manager create a situation of cognitive dissonance. The more the Hotseat is willing to give up control, be intimate and surrender to the process, the more control over the process the Hotseat actually has. This is counterintuitive and is my AHA from this process.

I also notice that I tend to look at the Hotseat process as a snapshot with the duration of the Hotseat process beginning and ending solely within the tribe-meeting experience. When I widen my scope, I wonder about the Hotseat and if the Hotseat's actual process extends beyond the physical boundaries of the tribe meeting. How else, I wonder, do the role players find a way to show up at just the right time, in just the right way—and they literally, physically show up from across the globe.

It seems that everything is connected and that the tribe experience of the Hotseat is simply one way for all tribe members to focus on what is here in this particular moment of now.

Best,

Oct 28, 2013

Completion

Hi, Ed,

Govopoly in the 39th Day Completion!

Oct 28, 2013

NRH Tribe Meeting Report

Ed,

I write to you from NRH Tribe. In meeting, I go through a rocks process addressing my shutting down when I need to research medical information for a medical condition I have. This is strange because I typically research any important decision to the "nth" degree, even for some non-important decisions. To not conduct research is very atypical for me.

During the rocks process, with the help of the tribe, I connect with a time as child where I am ridiculed by other children for how I look, physically and how I dress. I just want them to leave me alone, but no matter what I do they continue. As we role play this scenario, one tribe member channels my father completely as he tries to give me his rock of "not saying anything" and "going-along to get along". It is very uncanny. Another member plays the role of a teasing kid and is so spot on that I instantly feel I am back to being a small child. I am amazed and feel so glad these members are in the meeting.

The chief skillfully guides me through the rocks process as I reject the "going-along-to get along/not say anything" rock and accept the new "confidence" rock from the tribe. With this new rock I am able to accept me for me with confidence and pride, in turn, leaving my teasers with no effective ammunition. As I take the wind out of their sails, they stop and leave me alone.

I am grateful for this tribe and this process. My mind does not always see the connection between my current events and the rock-giving events, but of course that is because I am trying to "think" my way through it. I am amazed and glad that my feelings can make this connection (with the help of the tribe).

Regards

Oct 28, 2013

How to Get Govopoly

Hi Ed,

my congratulations on your new book. I await to know how to buy a copy.

Thank you in advance.

Oct 28, 2013

Anticipation

Ed,

Congratulations on completing your new book Ed. I am filled with anticipation, I can't wait to read it!

All the best.

I am experiencing my second 5 consecutive months in a row of losses in our fund.

I have quit counting, but I experience something like 20 out of the past 30 months of losses.

This provides me new opportunity to question "is this just a form of plateau, to be followed by new spurts?"

I then feel I do not care.

I know my intentions are still true.

I believe my approach is sound regarding human behavior, my trading strategies have been well tested, and my risk approach is still intact.

I speculate perhaps there are some type of "predatory" trading algorithms seeking my, and my partner's, capital.

I then quickly do not believe this because my basis is that trend followers are actually a small part of the total market.

I acknowledge to my self that I have worked informally for 6 years on research before I ever started, and I am into my 5th year of operating a real fund.

I feel it is something I must do.

I can't explain why I feel I must do this… except to say my dream to do something seems aligned with a burning desire to try.

I wonder if this is smart, stubborn, or something else.

I'll keep trying.

Oct 28, 2013

Everybody

Ed,

I notice the lyrics to Everybody, by Ingrid Michaelson seem to state the TTP philosophy.

Happy is the heart that still feels pain.
Darkness drains and light will come again.
Swing open your chest and let it in.
Just let the love, love, love begin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlFCfkyuQM0

Oct 27, 2013

Adelaide Tribe Report - Zero Point Process

Ed,

Adelaide tribe met again as per commitment schedule.

Tribe members are very exited with the progress and what they are getting from the meetings.

This time we start the meeting on time and I arrive 10 Min. in advance.

The member return my trading tribe book and keep his commitment of reading it.

We spend few minutes sharing TTP concepts and any comments regarding the workshop essay members agree on answering.

We start the drumming and it goes in a out of key beat that eventually gets into a nice groove. It goes for about 8 to 10 minutes.

Members check in and we continue the exercises we interrupted last meeting.

- Send and receiving Thoughts
- Send and receiving feelings
- Send and receiving forms

We do a check out and share insights after every exercise.

Members agree that sending forms is the easiest and there is no way you can hide or omit a form. It is what it is, conversely thoughts and feeling have room for cheating /omitting

Group have a toilet break.

Chief ask if there is any question regarding the process. Some questions and answer resolved and we start the process of check in and sharing issues and feelings.

Group checks in

PM interviews HS volunteers.

One candidate shares that he is frustrate for not finding a job in Adelaide. He's being applying for a while. He shares that he has a job offer but is not taking because he does not want to drive.

Second candidate shares his frustration that involve several areas of his live such as his daughter not settling and waking up every night multiple times and she is already over 18 months that affects relationship with wife and makes him tired at work and gets in the way of him going more to the gym. Also he does not feel satisfied and motivated at work. He shares that he used to get in early and leave late not he gets in late and leave early and can be bothered.

PM suggests that both are hot and asks who wants to HS first.

The member with the job issues volunteers promptly indicating willingness to work.

PM asks for more clarity and wants to know what job he wants now. HS wants a suitable job. What is a suitable job? A job that I do not have to drive. PM insists what is hindering HS to get a suitable job that HS do not need to drive.
HS is frustrated and is willing to go back to California, where he comes from, if he does not get a job offer soon.

PM wonders that what he wants then is to go back to California and not get a Job in Adelaide. HS shares that he needs a job to apply for Australian Citizenship
PM confirm that his intention is then to get a passport and not a job.

PM then offers a passport to confirm intention to HS go back to California. HS accepts the offer. HS show forms on his hands and start to clench fist and rub fingers and members asks to intensify for and go for it. HS show forms in his back and neck and goes back to hand and fingers rubbing each other. Member encourage him to crank it up and go for it.

HS experience feelings to peak and then feels more relaxed.

PM encourages HS to declare his is getting a suitable job offer and check if he is comfortable doing so. HS stands up and do a public declaration that he holds a suitable position. HS shares that he is confident that he is getting a suitable job offer. HS shares he is relaxed and confident and something says to him that he is getting a position he applies for.

Other members checks out and share insights

Chief adjourn the meeting at 10 PM and continue to meet next time in 3 weeks in November 14th. Group socialize another 20 minutes and go home.

Thanks for receiving my report and feelings.

Regards,

Oct 26, 2013

Bastiat on Government

Ed,

Nice talking with you today. Here is the link to Bastiat’s essay, Government.

http://bastiat.org/en/government.html

Oct 26, 2013

NRH Tribe Meets November 8

Hi Ed,

I schedule the next NRH Tribe meeting for Nov. 8th, Friday, 8:00 pm to 12 midnight.

This is the last NRH Tribe meeting for 2013. We are taking a break for the remainder of the year.

Oct 26, 2013

Less and More

Ed,

Thank you for your support with my workshop follow up. Again this week I receive several insightful comments and suggestions.

I notice that often the best comments are followed up by an apology - perhaps we are so well trained not to speak the truth it often feels shameful.

"Work hard on my trading systems for three hours a day: See what feelings come up. Report monthly to my support team and FAQ." Note the change - it was "report weekly to my support team".

So far I average 3.9 hours per day on trading work. In the last week I do my tax for most of five days and only spend about an hour a day on trading but I catch up later in the week to average just over 3 hours for the week.

The past week is pretty uneventful, with good progress, so I decide to switch to monthly reporting. Until this week I report monthly to FAQ and weekly to everyone else. At the start I intend to report weekly also to FAQ also but I decide that monthly would be a better balance given the demands on Ed's time.

Feelings that came up during the month.

"It is all happening so fast. Repeatedly I think I must do something - and I realize it is complete."

"Embarrassed at my lack of precision:. One week's report is 'only' a day late. I do my trading update a day late once. I miss my tribe meeting because I 'accidentally' hit the gutter at the edge of the driveway, and get a flat tire."

"Overwhelmed. I am not going to be able to do this. My software is so complicated I can't even understand it. I procrastinate massively. "

"A few dark days when I am toughing it out. I sit at the computer in my pajamas until the hard bit is done dammit."

"Hunger. Late night snacks. Too much coffee. My weight loss stalls."

"I feel I have stirred up a hornet's nest with my email about [person]'s note to FAQ. I am worried my tribe might fall apart".

What happened

I do a rocks process on my feelings of unease when I am working on my systems. The resolution is my realization that I have a strategy of plausible deniablity. Not finishing things is a good way to avoid accountability. The solution is to accept responsibility for my results and not to be excessively ashamed if everything does not work first time. It seems to stick, and resolves one of the issues I took to the Austin workshop also.

I finish and publish an essay I that sits there for a long time. I feel happy I finishing it. I get a message from someone asking if they can host it also on their server as they like it.

I cultivate awareness of precision. I set up in reminders about time commitments. I review emails and messages for typos. I leave early for tribe to make sure I get there on time. We have big bush fires up here. We sit down and work out whether to evacuate or not, rather than automatically leave. We base this on a checklist that we put together from various sources. We weigh the factors in a considered way. We decide not to evacuate. This feels like a more precise approach. This all feels good and I enjoy it. A lot fewer minor screw-ups happen.

I have a major realization, helped by feedback from my support team. I like to do things the hard way. It is a way to feel virtuous and worthy. I decide to do things the most effective way in future.

From this I cut out elements of my diet that make me hungry (e.g. coffee), excess exercise that burns too much time and makes me hungry. I decide to reduce my trading to 3 hours average rather than 3 hours minimum - I was averaging well over 4 hours. This frees up time for my other goals. I decide to close down my retirement trust when I can take all the money out tax free (April/2015), which will reduce my paperwork and my exposure to the risk the government will decide to change the tax rules. I simplify my trading code progressively. I reduce the number of new Chinese words I learn to 1 from 3. With all this I feel a lot more relaxed and productive. I now look at something seeming very hard as a sign I may not be ready, or there may be a better way to do it. As a result of reducing my exercise, I am now making more progress on my lifts! I reduce my reporting to monthly from weekly as weekly reporting is no longer needed. I am losing weight again. No more always toughing it out, except as a 5% solution.

Tribe this week went well. There was no hornet's nest. I manage a rocks process and feel happier about it than any before - I think I handle it with some finesse this time for the first time. This seems tied in with the changes for precision and "not doing it the hard way" somehow.

Progress on Trading

I complete my work on options, with the result that there is nothing tradeable there, except possibly as an add-on or tweak to another strategy.

I make a lot of progress on the FX code which is almost running to normal completion, and I am researching the next phase as I need a menagerie of strategies which I can use. I spend about 2 hours programming and one hour on research per day. It does not seem too hard. If something is excessively complicated I simplify it.

I am keeping my positions on and updated.

Next report early December as I am away the second half of November.

Regards,

Oct 26, 2013

Asking For What You Want / Accepting the Other Person

Dear Ed,

I wonder, as I continue working to deepen my understanding of relationship dynamics, where is the line between asking for what I want and accepting someone as they are?

I feel like I must make a decision about how important is what I want, compared to accepting that, if I am not getting it, it must be something the other person doesn't want.

Sometimes I will go ahead and ask, with varying degrees of "success", and other times I assume it's my problem and don't bring it up.

I want to accept others as they are, but I suppose what I really would like is to be able to have this very conversation with someone important to me instead of struggling to solve it by myself.

Thanks for FAQ!

Oct 25, 2013

Local Tribe Report: Working with Regret / Accepting the Rocks Process

Ed,

Tribe: 4 of us are here this week. One member is out of town. I get there early - last time I missed tribe after getting a flat tire which was my intention as everyone pointed out.

Drumming, check in, exercises, We add an exercise "Tell me what is between you and your goals" which brings out our frustrations pretty well..

We go around and people tell us of their hottest issue.

[Name 1] is writing down his feelings and making sure he is experiencing them which works well and he is sticking to his system. No issues this week.

[Name 2] is a little frustrated at lack of progress but feels "that's life". He has not cleaned up his office six or more weeks after saying that he is working on it. He has too much on with the serious illness of his business associate who is in a coma for some weeks. Does not have time for the gym though his weight loss has stalled.

[Name 3] reports that he is progressing well and keeping to his 3 hours a day working on the most important things for his trading. He was doing well over 4 hours and getting burned out with all his other activities. Cut the trading to 3 hours average - no more no less, also reduced excessive exercise, and reduced the number of new Mandarin words to learn to pronounce each day. No hot issue.

[Name 4] reports that Ed's comment that he take "drifting along" to the hot seat "hit me like a sledge hammer". But after a while he isn't feeling much now. He doesn't really have any strong feelings. We probe for examples of drifting. He passed up an opportunity to join an elite army unit. He drove his girlfriend away. After his report appears in FAQ I mention that in an e-mail and he immediately backs off and apologizes for sending the e-mail (we reassure him we appreciate his honesty). I ask if he has any feelings of regret. He says yes regret is the first feeling every morning. I think about things I could have done all the time, he says. He seems sad, his face looks sad and downcast, his voice is quavering, as though he is on the verge of crying. He says he cried over his breakup with his girlfriend of many years.

We vote for [Name 4] to do the hot seat. He says he doesn't feel much. We encourage him and he reaches what looks like a peak. He said he didn't feel that much. We do another round of the hot seat. He reaches a peak and looks very sad. I ask him can he remember other times he felt like this.

He is 14 years old. His best friend fires him from the band they start together. (The band now has great success - number 1 singles etc). He tells us he was stunned at being fired. He put his heart and soul into the band and they do not want him. He does not argue, he does not contest the decision, or even ask why. He puts down his instrument and gives up music. What is the strategy here? To not put yourself into things in case you fail, and when things are bad, don't feel it. I ask if he wants to re-enact it. He says yes. He picks the players in the reenactment. His whole family has the strategy to not put yourself on the line, and to go numb when a bad thing happens, drift along. His mother and father are the main rock donors for the role play.

We re-enact. The first time he does not feel it strongly enough. We do it again, change some words, really rub it in "We are destined for great things but you are holding us back. We don't need losers in our band." and more, until we see he is feeling it in full. We stop at that point to avoid crushing him totally. But he has recaptured the feeling. I as mother then donate the old rock to him and he accepts it.

We explore proactive options and he picks a couple that he likes - sharing your feelings, processing what happens, deciding on what to do next rather than automatically giving up. He decides he wants to reject the old rock and use the new one. We reenact and he rejects the old rock, and accepts the new shiny rock that looks like a piece of jade. He uses the new strategy with success and visibly feels a lot better.

We check out in character and [Name 4] releases us from the roles.

In checkout he reports that it is amazing how well people play the roles, even though they do not know the people. He found it hard at times to use the new strategies but feels glad about it now. He is now thinking about how the new strategies would affect the other situations where he drifts. He looks different, more alive, I feel so anyway.

Rocks concerns / resistance
---------------------------------------

In Austin one of the role players was extremely reluctant to use the words the hot seat wanted ("STOP NOW"), even after being asked by hot seat repeatedly. Rocks can bring out strong feelings in everyone.

In checkout, [Name X] expresses concern that the role playing may not be realistic enough. He also feels the rituals around offering and accepting rocks are a bit strange or goofy. He suggests we try other alternatives.

Even though [Name Y] commented how amazingly good the role playing was, [Name X] later voiced concern it was not possible to do the acting well enough to be useful.

In my old tribe, one of the members would not do rocks himself, though he would reluctantly help others in their rocks process. The same issues were there - it is goofy, how can we be good enough actors.

It occurs to me that the more success we have with rocks, the more opposition it generates. Perhaps it is the power and success of rocks that people do not like. Perhaps it is the prospect of making big changes to ourselves that is threatening. But I am not sure and I don't know how to deal with it.

Do you have any suggestions how to get people to accept doing the rocks process? Of course we always do willingness testing and no-one has to do anything they do not want to do.

Regards,

Oct 25, 2013

Happy Halloween

Ed,

Oct 24, 2013

Wrong

Hi Ed,

I trust all is well with you and yours and that you are a fully settled-in Texan by now. I am looking forward to reading Govopoly very soon as well.

All great traders usually coin some very insightful quotes, such as your "Everybody gets what they want" and "intentions = results", Tudor Jones' "losers average losers" etc. etc. I have just read [Name's] new book, and he has added another excellent one to the list; "It's OK to be wrong - but not to stay wrong ..." (I believe many traders will benefit from this quote, but especially newer ones who are early in their learning curve.)

Kind regards,

P.S. [Name] has truly come a long way (with lots of help from you I'm sure) since I met him at the Incline tribe meetings about +/- 10 years ago. Many cheers dear friend, for the TT Process.

Oct 23, 2013

Over the Rainbow

Ed,

Am I correct in having heard you (on the IFTA panel -- not during the frogs talk) opine that there was a great secular bull market just over the horizon? Or was I just hearing things?

Enjoyed your shtick.

Oct 23, 2013

In the Now of Cancer

Dear Ed,

I am writing to express my gratitude to you, to all the FAQ contributors, and to the members of my Tribe. You all create an environment of acceptance and safety in which experiencing and sharing feelings is the norm rather than the rare exception.

This environment now allows me to accept the incredibly mixed emotions that accompany my recent cancer diagnosis.

Fear, despair, hope, anger, anxiety, sadness, grief, even joy...all are a natural part of me that I no longer have to manage and control. What a relief!

I can move forward with treatment without having to obsess about the outcome. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I accept whatever outcome lies ahead. This in no way feels passive to me; in fact, it feels very proactive.

Learning to tolerate the uncertainty of what my life will be like over the next two months, and beyond, feels like a total embrace of life as it is. The time I have spent in Tribe and reading and writing to FAQ has prepared me for this vivid demonstration of what being in the NOW really means.

I love and appreciate each and every one of you.

Oct 23, 2013

Austin Tribe Meeting #8: Harmonic Role Playing

Dear Ed,

I write to document my experience of our Tribe's eighth meeting last week.

I go to the meeting with the intention of working on an issue related to my psychotherapy practice: how I feel trapped in a cycle of dependency on insurance reimbursement that leaves me with a much lower income than other therapists who don't have contracts with insurance companies.

I state this as the problem I want to work on. In the course of discussing it in more detail, I describe my feeling of "falling into the hole", most recently when comparing myself to a colleague who is presenting at a seminar I attend. During her presentation I suddenly begin to feel inadequate, incompetent, even unacceptable on a physical level compared to her.

I feel something similar when I begin to explore the idea of creating a website to promote myself as a relationship coach: every other website I visit is "much better" than anything I could do; the person is more skilled, more savvy about using web resources, a better writer, etc.

The discussion in Tribe evolves into an issue of my undervaluing myself, in a way that justifies my not risking growth and change, and leads me to stay in my little familiar world.

One of the other Tribe members expresses something similar, but his issue manifests itself as holding back, being silent, avoiding risk of rejection, but also being angry inside and keeping it inside.

A third member has raised the issue of becoming so enraged in situations where he feels bullied or unfairly treated that he cannot think of a constructive way to handle the situation; he seethes but does nothing. Another member shares his issue of not taking action and failing to finish anything.

A new iteration of the Rocks Process evolves out of our issues: the Angry member, the Do Nothing member and I become rock donors to the Holding Back member. We surround him when he is role-playing an incident in which he refuses to eat something his mother wants him to eat and she becomes angry.

Angry member tells him to feel furious but keep it all in and just think about how mad he is. Do Nothing member tells him to shut down and go blank. I tell him he's not really worthwhile and he should feel bad about himself and just shrink down into a smaller ball while his mother yells at him.

As we play out the process and he chooses to share his feelings with his mother, he wants to return the Feel Worthless rock to me. I tell him I don't want it either! But he insists on returning it to me and I take it back reluctantly, feeling clearer than ever that I don't need to fall in that hole any more.

The role-play in the Rocks Process provides an invaluable tool for witnessing and personally experiencing the struggle that goes on inside all of us. When I am stuck in the struggle, I can't experience the other side the way I can when I see it played out in front of me, through someone else's issue that resonates with mine.

There is something uniquely transformational about participating in a psychodrama that I can manipulate for my benefit, instead of simply repeating the age-old psychodrama of my childhood as if on auto-pilot. It is as if I can put on a costume and become the character I want to be, but then keep on being that character after the costume is gone.

It's really weird, almost surreal. I love it.

Oct 23, 2013

Feelings About The Fed

I read this excerpt from an interview with former Federal Reserve Bank Chairman Alan Greenspan:

... a bubble in and of itself doesn't give you a crisis. It's turning out to be bubbles with leverage.

I consider your thoughts on the matter and I feel mad and I also feel hopeless, or those are words that I attach to how I feel. What I really feel is a turning in my stomach and a tightness in the back of my head.

I look at how markets are functioning now and I think about these comments from Greenspan and I feel like it would feel good to hit something- to just lash out.

South Park and TTP

Ed,

I came across this clip and in the last 30 seconds of the 1:38 clip is a great example of South Park trying out some TTP. I thought you might enjoy.

Regards,

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/150772/school-marriage-counselor

Dear Ed,

Hope you are well.

Two areas I would like assistance in understanding as I evolve in trading are the sections you highlight as "Dynamic Portfolio Selection" and "Dynamic Risk Modification".

How does one go about the process of constructing a dynamic portfolio and making modifications to the risk of the system they follow.

Thank you for your valued insight.

on Wednesday, July 22, 2009, "From control to intimacy", you write "Your Ideal Mate may change as you change".

I feel astonished about my girlfriend. She teaches me how intimacy works. She experienced the loss of both parents and of a brother who commits suicide, a difficult adolescence, but she has a very optimistic approach to life and to anything that happens. She mentions that she fully accepts her feelings and uses them as guiding tool. I discover how intimate communication feels. She openly shares her feelings, ask me about my feelings and needs, is interested in a growing relationship.

Furthermore, interaction with her feels very natural: no prompts, no hiding or shutting down, no playing games, just communicating openly and as one feels it. While she has no experience with TTP, she is a master in sharing her feelings and being open to mine. As I comment the Tribe work, she mentions "Isn´t it obvious? How can one live negating the own feelings?"

I remember my ex-wife telling me that she does not want to share her feelings because that would mean to give up control and to show vulnerability. We had a control centered relationship. As I write these
lines I feel sadness about the fact that we were not able to create intimacy. However, our relationship after separation is excellent.

Maybe I have changed and now I can create and accept intimacy.

I learn that sharing and accepting feelings can be a natural way of living, not forced, not taught, just learned by example. Wow!

Kind regards,

Oct 23, 2013

Resistance and Suffering

Dear Ed,

thank you for listening and letting me share my feelings with you. My intention with this e-mail is to share my experience with you and the FAQ readers. For them, I summarize the story (which you know).

For over 2 years now I experience chest pain, blurred vision, outbreaks of sweat, feelings of dread and anxiety, waking up in the night, sleep apnea. Sometimes, I experience bouts of deep peace, ineffable joy, and elation, lasting for several minutes. I consult several doctors who tell me that it is likely an atypical form of depression, although they are not certain. They do not have a clue about the bouts of joy; it is certainly not a symptom of depression. After one year I am exhausted and accept taking prescription drugs (Lexapro, an antidepressant) for several months. It does not help (in fact, Lexapro does not work in about 50% of patients). I get worse and experience persistent secondary effects.

I take several hot seats and find a relationship between my situation and "not giving up control" and "I want to get attention". The association between a health issue and "getting attention" is easy to understand (I have a sad story to tell, I get people to help me out of compassion or, in the case of therapists, for money). But "trying to control" is something else.

"Trying to control" means not accepting things the way they are, trying to change them. According to some Eastern religions, "suffering" is just the resistance to what we experience. In TTP, I could say "suffering is the resistance to experience our feelings". On Sep 2, 2013, "Emotion Free", you write "In TTP we come to celebrate the positive intentions of all feelings and their role in aligning us with right livelihood. In this model, peacefulness and happiness result from accepting all other feelings".

A friend of mine has lung cancer. She accepts it and the symptoms associated with the disease and its treatment. She is dying, but she is joyful, relaxed, in good mood.

I am not in control (nobody is). A part of mine recognizes the futility and absurdity of trying to stay in control, and how disgusting it is to engage people in the drama of "I suffer". I want to stop it. But there is a deep, automatic response which moves me to whine and to reject what is happening (trying to control it). And it is a Catch-22. "Wanting to stop it" means that I do not accept and try to control it. Accepting it means that I further try to control things.

Some religions call complete acceptance, giving up control, and experiencing all feelings "enlightenment". Complete acceptance means "lack of suffering". I know this, and I recall experiencing it a couple of times. It seems to me a very sensitive thing to do, for resisting our feelings or resisting reality is plainly madness. But maybe I have a chemical brain disorder and I am just mad.

Or maybe it is a spiritual crisis, as mentioned by Grof. Or a kundalini experience. But these phenomenons do not exist in the world of psychiatrists. They also don't know about the under-Fred network, and don't know that everything is connected. They recommend prescription drugs and say things like "it takes time".

I, on the other side, wonder if it is possible to accept all my feelings and all my experience, and if yes, how to get to that point. I wonder if it is a process, a decision, a technique, an insight...

I recall you mentioning that my experience could be of interest for FAQ readers. My intention is not to whine or to create a codependent relationship. I am trying to find a way out of a situation which is very distant of right livelihood, as I understand it. I appreciate if you let me know that you consider that I am trying to engage you or other Tribesmen in a drama.

Best regards,

Oct 23, 2013

Quiet Strength

Ed,

I've never met you in life but I feel "FORCE TRANQUILLE" (in french) that might be translated by QUIET STRENGTH or TRANQUIL STRENGTH on all your pics posted lately on FAQ.

Oct 21, 2013

Stop Trying Your TTP On Me

Hi Chief,

My wife points out I am still raising my voice to her when she is emotional.

First I want to receive and I am afraid she already knows my tricks.

Sometimes she detects it and says "Stop trying your TTP on me." and refuse to let me receive. I know at this time maybe I just shut up and receive her not wanting my receive.

But today I try to send without blame. And the result is raising my voice, and very hard to make the clean boundary being pure sending and blaming sending.

I find that even I am doing pure sending, she can still perceive as blaming when she is in emotion. When she points out I am raising voice. I acknowledge that and then share my feeling of hating myself not making progress, and share my frustration on myself. Now it helps a little bit.

Thanks,