Sep 27, 2012

Now Now

Dear Ed,

I would like to share more feelings regarding the questions about "NOW".

I feel both confusion and perfect clarity, and also some amusement and pleasure about simultaneously experiencing those two (seemingly contradictory) feelings.

In Tribe last night, several of us continue our discussion of "how do you know you are in the NOW?". One member says, "You don't have to know because you always are in the now anyway, regardless of what you believe."

Next member says, "What if in the now you are thinking about the past or the future, are you not avoiding the NOW?"

I say, "I am still in the now when I am thinking about the past or the future because I am doing this in the NOW". The previous member disagrees with this quite vehemently.

A related feeling that came out in discussion during a break last night is that I, for one, have been thinking about the end of the Tribe series since the first meeting, and I feel sadness about the end (though I do not want to extend it to avoid this sadness).

In each of my Tribe reports to FAQ, I state the "number" of the meeting I am reporting about.

Another member says he has deliberately not thought about the number of meetings we have left, and he expresses some distress when he hears that we are completing our seventh meeting. Even though he travels a very long distance to attend, he says he wants our meetings to continue (his distress comes as he knows the meetings won't continue).

A third member, new to the group last night, asks how long a break occurs between Tribe series. We say that the last series occurs two years ago and we all look at each other and grimace, as if experiencing some loss associated with that long break at that very moment.

I wonder if you might share your thoughts and feelings about the NOW in the context of these experiences.

Thanks for everything,

Sep 27, 2013

Minnesota Tribe

Hi Ed

As I had committed in the workshop, I would like to start a tribe in Minnesota.

I am attaching the completed TTID form. It will be great if you can put this in the Trading Tribe webpage.

Kind Regards

Sep 27, 2013

Woe is Me

Ed,

I wish to change my tendency to shy away from achievement and leadership. I find myself uncomfortable with achieving my goals and also uncomfortable with failure. I feel caught in a dreamer's cycle where I plan and act on goals and get to a certain point and stop. Once I stop I feel fear of total failure and feel compelled to set out again to achieve my goal. This process repeats in my life in various forms.

I wish to change playing victim always with a story or "drama" with the hope others will feel sorry for me and seek to console and soothe me. This is the only place I feel comfortable being the center of attention.

I wish to take these issues to hotseat but no tribe exists here in [City], [City 2] Tribe is closed and I feel I do not meet the requirements of Austin Tribe. Here goes that "woe is me drama".

I think to start a Tribe here in [City] but voices of doubt quickly come...so I write to FAQ. As I write I see [City 3] Tribe, I originally dismiss joining because of distance, but I email them and wait for response, but it seems to me now that if my intention is to change then I must take a step out of my comfort zone in the direction of change. I wonder if that next step is driving four hours or starting my own Tribe, I choose the scariest ...

Sep 27, 2013

Frustration

Dear Ed,

This is the first time I am sending an email to the FAQ.

I relate to quite a few contributors on the FAQ and would like to thank them for their effort in contributing to FAQ.

I work as a manager in technology area within financial services, and I recently learned that my organization has hired few roles similar for other projects. I all of a sudden feel jealously notice that my chest burns with anger and rage. I feel disappointed and feel a sense of being betrayed by my manager and the whole management team.

I think that if I were given the opportunity, I could implement it in a much better way. I then feel that working on my trading is far satisfactory than working for an organization like this. I speak to my wife and she says I am overreacting and I should take it easy. As a result of this I think I need to focus on my trading, and start exploring ideas for over 2 weeks without any success with back testing.

I feel frustrated and depressed and lost and think about the meaning of life. I don't have many friends who I can share my feeling this.

Sep 26, 2013

A Generational Low in Managed Futures

Ed,


Best article I have seen in some time describing the current situation in managed futures. It starts off a little slow but contains many excellent observations. I know it feels like a bottom to me. Let me know what you think.

http://www.attaincapital.com/alternative-investment-education/
managed-futures-newsletter/investment-research-analysis/522

Sep 26, 2013

Books

Hi Ed.

Will you recommend some of your favorite books?

Sep 26, 2013

More On More On the More-On Rule

Ed,

Thank you for the reply.

If I understand correctly the average member of a series of trades I can expect to move within my risk parameters but any one trade can move (gap, get stuck limit up/down) way outside of my risk parameters and damage my account much more if I pyramid?

What about a situation with 2 open positions in 2 instruments (e.g. a stock and a soybean contract) when one gaps beyond my stop loss and the other opens and goes limit up/down against my position?

Isn't it similar to 2 positions in 1 instrument that gaps beyond my stop loss?

I start to realize the relation between the need to pyramid and account size. The bigger the account size, the less need to pyramid. At least in my case.

Thank you,

Sep 25, 2013

More On the More-On Rule

Ed,

I'm thinking about what you say regarding the moron rule and that adding on top of optimal position can prevent capital formation.

What about a situation when the entry signal is a breakout from consolidation which is followed by another and then another one?

Let's say I put my optimal position on during the first breakout and then, while trailing the stop, add another optimal position during the next one. Isn't it better than putting just one position on and then look for a breakout in another instrument?

Isn't the risk of getting stopped out the same for every breakout in series?

Regards,

Ed,

You can't help but laugh. Enjoy the chuckle.
The visual picture this guy paints and his laugh is contagious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj-6nJCQYdo

Sep 25, 2013

Head-Alert

Dear Ed,

I no longer refer to a headache as such. I prefer Head-Alert.

Sincerely,

Sep 25, 2013

Freudian Slip

Ed,

Hope you are having a great Wednesday!

I was browsing through your website and really enjoyed all the helpful resources you have especially relating to Sigmund Freud. I have found these resources to be very valuable in my own research and desire to know more about psychology in general.

I noticed that you have a broken link on this page:
http://seykota.com/tribe/pages/2003_Sep/Sep_1-6/index.htm

It appears that a link going to the Freud Archives (http://users.rcn.com/brill/freudarc.html) has been broken for quite some time now. Fortunately, I actually had that page bookmarked a while ago and was able to recreate the content on my site so others interested in Freud could still access those resources.

If you would like to keep your page updated and fix the link, feel free to link to my page here http://www.12keysrehab.com/blog/sigmund-freud-and-the-freud-archives

Thanks again for publishing your valuable resources!

Sep 25, 2013

Spelling Problems

Hi Ed,

During the workshop you mention that adult teach the alphabet to children by singing.

That's the same method you use to teach trading.

I tell you that in my country there is no music to teach the alphabet.

You recognize that people for my country are bad spellers. I agree.

We do not learn words by spelling, but by memorizing the sounds of the syllable as that is the structure of the language.

That reminds me a music that I learn as a child.

We are able to sing it by playing with the vowel and exchanging all vowels from A to U.

That's the level of skill we have by learn the language syllable by syllable.

I listened to the song and I have duck weed feelings :)

Here is the link for a Youtube sing along version.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JkSpPZJDkE

I have a feeling that that may remind you of your childhood.

Regards

Sep 25, 2013

News on the Net

Dear Ed,

I have been following you and other trend follower for years. In a recent search over the net I came to know that your method was quite volatile and cause your bankruptcy twice. Is it true? because this may be a threat for the believer of trend following. While there is no bullet proof investing method but it seems doubtful that someone like you who understand the theory of risk in a such a great details can actually go through such incident. Any disclosure regarding this may be a great help for traders as it will help them to reevaluate their system.

Best wishes,

Sep 24, 2013

Borderline

Ed,

Borderline is a seriously brilliant, beautiful piece of work, and I mean it. Sublime. Have you thought of submitting it to the London Spectator? They generally print one or two poems a week. Doubt they'd make room for the graphic accompaniment, unfortunately.

The Bernoulli thing is going to require some more time to study. I may have to audit a couple math classes over at UCSD first.

Thanks for this good stuff!

Regards,

PS The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve faster than light particles in here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

Sep 24, 2013

A-Capella Science

Ed,

Check this out.

http://explore.noodle.org/post/61507207359/absolutely-brilliant-mcgill-university-grad

Sep 24, 2013

Austin Workshop Report

Ed,

At the meeting, I decide to increase my ability to accept more responsibility and move outside my comfort zone. I decide to feel all the feelings associated with doing new things or doing things on a bigger scale. I do this by agreeing to manage processes. In full disclosure, I don’t know this is what I’m actually doing, though. I’m just feeling my feelings and being open to whatever happens. While I’m stating that I want to manage processes, I’m really scared, I feel fear, and decide to just “go for it.” I notice that I don’t shut down. Shutting down is a rock I no longer carry. In a weird way, managing other people’s processes is my way of taking a Hotseat.

For the first TTP session, I play the role of the Hotseat by sharing feelings during the role play with the Hotseat’s parents. I feel the feelings of the Hotseat and serve as a model for using the heart rock resources of sharing feelings with his mother and father. Members of the Austin tribe are playing the role of the mother and father. I notice the Hotseat brings out the best in our role playing. I also notice how wonderful it is to work with Ed and members of the Austin tribe who know the process, feel their feelings, and get some good results. Everyone in the process knows what to do, and feels their way through the process. I relate to the Hotseat’s experiences and appreciate his willingness to go through the process. I notice he appears happier and lighter after his process.

I accept the responsibility of process managing one group, and I feel pressure to do a good job. I notice the other groups are already in processes while our group is still trying to find something specific to work on. One member expresses that he has something he is Hot about and wants to work. I’m not clear on what it is that he wants to accomplish. I decide to move forward with the process. I realize quickly that I make an error in moving forward with the process without having clarity. He begins his forms and comes out of the forms rather quickly, which I recognize as a sign that he is back in “thinking” mode and not “feeling” mode. I don’t find anything that I can work with. I decide to cut my losses and end the process. I tell the group that I cannot find anything that I can work with, that I simply don’t know what to do. We end the process and do a checkout. I feel loss.

We begin a second process with another Hotseat. This time we make it further into the process, and begin to role play; however, the role players are finding it challenging to get enough information to play their roles. I notice this and recognize this as a sign that the Hotseat is not willing enough to radiate enough information to the role players to continue doing the process. Next, the Hotseat expresses unwillingness to continue as we are about to begin the “forgiving the rocks” part of the process. I decide not to risk getting into a codependent relationship with the Hotseat, and I honor the Hotseat’s desire to end the process. I feel failure as a process manager. I share my feelings with the group. Some members of the group express that they notice and appreciate my integrity in not continuing either process. One member regards what I do as success and shows that I have integrity. He states that I am successful in honoring the willingness or unwillingness of the Hotseat. This is an AHA for me.

It is the next day.

The first Hotseat that I process manage on Friday, now asks me if I’m willing to support him. He says, “Based on your stopping my Hotseat, I know that you'll tell me the truth, and not many people are willing to do that.” I respond that I agree to support him. I say, “I notice that when people tell the truth, a lot of feelings come up.” We both laugh.

I do not speak again with the second Hotseat that I process manage until the end of the workshop. We share an embrace. We have an agreement to see each other at an Austin Tribe meeting. I appreciate him for who he is, just the way he is.

Now, I agree to manage a third process. This time, I’m more careful and get agreement on some ground rules such as, not leaving the process while it is ongoing without first getting agreement to stop the process; and only having one process manager speaking during the process. The third Hotseat expresses willingness, feels his feelings and goes deep into a trance. I end up modeling the heart rock responses for the Hotseat. I’m not sure if the other participants realize the depth of the trance that the Hotseat is in. And that the Hotseat needs a model for the heart-rock’s process of establishing rapport, and sending and receiving feelings. The Hotseat surrenders to the process and gets completion. He receives unanimous “PASS” on his final checkout. The Hotseat thanks me for setting ground rules for the meeting and for managing his process.

I feel warmth for Ed and the other members of the Austin Tribe. Ed creates the space for us to come together for the benefit of all. Ed expands this space with the Workshop. I count nine different countries represented at the workshop. I notice that everyone has very personal things they want. We write them on paper and put them on the wall. Each, individual personal statement that we each put on the wall is actually something that is shared by all of us. It seems that that which is most personal, is most universal.

On the last day, while eating lunch, one workshop participant and I seem to have an AHA that what we are doing, precisely at that moment, is Right Livelihood. We agree to support each other in our trading business.

I share feelings with other people at the workshop. I’m still processing what happens at the workshop.

I agree to support Ed and others in their processes.

Workshop early-bird graduate price: $1500.00
Singing the Whipsaw Song with Ed and 18 others: Priceless

Best,

Sep 24, 2013

Smoothing Out the Data

Dear Ed:

I think about the articles included on www.TradingTribe.Com regarding the differences in data vendors' data, specifically open, high, low and close. Have you tested a system that averages those 4 prices for a set of x vendors, and permits the system to use this average of data vendor's prices for the open, high, low and close as its primary data for trading?

So roughly;

Get o,h,l,c data from a set of free comparable data vendors.
Compute the average of o,h,l,c data daily across all vendors.
Import this data to moving average crossover system, use trading signals from this data.
Record results. Compare to results from systems individually.

How does one ascertain the "correct prices" and if any one vendor has them on any given day? Is it a democracy or dictatorship? :) My hypothesis is that averaging the values across vendors would minimize the chance that any one vendors data skews the results too much(smoothing it). In addition, it makes it simple to deal with the problem of price inconsistencies, because it acknowledges that those inconsistencies are systemic, and our average is a system to account for that.

To me, this is in line with the tenet that our systems be robust, simple and are able to give valid trading signals in line with trend trading.

What do you think?

Sep 24, 2013

Tribal Leadership

Ed,

You may find interesting this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Tribal-Leadership-Leveraging-Organization-ebook/dp/B006IDG1K6/

Tribal Leadership: Leveraging Natural Groups to Build a Thriving Organization [Kindle Edition]
Dave Logan (Author), John King (Author), Halee Fischer-Wright (Author)

Sep 24, 2013

Stand By Me - Worldwide

Ed,

This video was done by 5 sound engineers who went around the world,
recording individuals performing this song. The engineers then blended
the singing into one song and a video.

The first guy is at the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. The
second guy, Grampa Elliot, used to sit near the old Jax Brewery in
New Orleans in the late-80s. He was a great harmonica player.

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2539741

Sep 23, 2013

Workshop Report

Ed,

Hello thank you for the TTP workshop. Can you tell me the Austin Tribe meets? I need to plan ahead in order to attend. I have been thinking a lot about the workshop and results that I am experiencing as a result of my intentions.

Friday night was amazing as we were introduced to the TTP and the utility of it. It seemed to me that this might be the key to reaching my trading goals. As you explained, Trading is a metaphor for our feelings. It just happens to be what most of us had in common. We defined some goals for the weekend as well.

The one thing I had always tried to avoid in trading was losses yet they constantly plagued me. I was always wondering what I was doing wrong, so I constantly looked for the technical reasons after the fact. It seemed obvious then. Then I heard you say the phrase that "we always get what we resist". Aha!

The most profound change has been from when I was not even on the hot seat. [Name] was on the hot for yelling at his kids. I thought I should have done this one perhaps. I watched as you took him through the rocks process. When you told him to freeze and asked him what he saw in his memory, I immediately had a memory of my Father yelling at me. I was about 6 years old at the time. He was a cast from his toes to his hip. He had broken his knee and leg hunting. He was a very busy surgeon. He was in a foul mood to put it mildly. My father never has been able to handle young children. He coming down the hallway in the house on crutches through a doorway in the hall. I tried to go between his legs and pass him. I either fell down or he knocked me down, and he yelled at me at the top of his lungs. I remember laying on the floor and crying in a fetal position. Since this memory has resurfaced, I have been much calmer overall. I have yet to really yell at my kids. I feel the build up to yelling starting in my gut. I recognize and acknowledge that feeling as on my emotional dashboard. This allows me to not yell at them but work at an Intimacy-Centric Relationship. This creates the type of father-child relationship that I want. I had been working on a Control-Centric Relationship model instead without understanding why I was acting that way.

I also had the opportunity to work as a receiver for [Name]. This was a unique experience. I hope to learn more of the TTP so; I can help those on the hot seat. He went as far as he wanted, but he is aware of it now.

It was later that day that I stated my goal of designing a profitable trading system and starting a fund. I wanted some help to reach this goal.

Saturday you helped with my difficulty of the feeling of "I don't know". At first, I was unsure of what I needed help with. This led to Ed bring this feeling out of me, so I can work on my difficulty with it. Ed explained to me that I need to be comfortable with the "not knowing" feeling. It is critical to trading. So he worked with me on this. He intended on making a part of my emotional dashboard. When I was on the hot seat, he received this feeling and help me intensify this feeling until it became overtly expressive. At that point, we discussed some of details of starting a fund. Lastly, I was to repeat the same emotion pattern and smile while I was doing it. This led a much greater emotional display and much laughter about this emotion. I was no longer uncomfortable with it. "I don't know" is now a part of my emotional dashboard. It provides me with Protective Warnings instead of Drama.

The Trading Tribe is an incredible support for my desire to change and my goals of becoming a profitable trader.

I am looking forward to more work on my feeling with the Tribe.

Thank you,

Sep 23, 2013

The Sucky Now

Dear Ed,

Thank you for your illuminating reply to my poorly worded attempt to understand the place of the future and the past in the "now".

To restate, I notice myself and others struggling to set goals and identify patterns while remaining in the now.

I write letters, not only to FAQ but in other settings, and find myself going back to change as many verbs as I can into present tense. The act of doing this helps me see more clearly what you mean by "now".

I see some friends who make commitments that feel appropriate to them at the time they make them, but who fail to remember their "previous" commitment to make fewer commitments! In my mind I simultaneously see the past and the future in the now, and, though it seems complicated, it makes perfect sense.

At the present moment, I struggle with feeling sad. I struggle because it is an unpleasant feeling. It becomes slightly less unpleasant if I accept that it is how I feel right now, but it is still not what I "want" to be feeling right now. The hardest part of being in the now seems to occur when the now sucks.

I think of explanations for my feeling; the explanations refer to the past. The explanations don't change anything in the now. I don't understand: must I not try to change my feeling even though I want to, right now? Not that it works (I am trying all day), but...?

Puzzled in the sucky now,

Sep 23, 2013

Post-Workshop Report

Ed,

Thank you for your support with my workshop follow-up.

In brief the question is, "Am I serious about trading"? I commit to three hours a day hard work on the most important things to get my trading in place. I call this "Trading Straight Line". No digressions. I commit to report weekly to my support team. I also commit - or so I think - to get my positions back on by Wednesday night.

Please comment as appropriate on what you are seeing from my reports including any observations about my feelings.

---

On the plane I work through my various "To Do" items for my trading and prioritize and sequence them. I know the next steps and intend to know this at all times.

Time spent on trading work in hours each day post workshop is 5, 3, 5, 3, 5, 6, 4, 1.5, 5. What I have been working on is:

a) Gather all the work to be done and prioritize and sequence - done
b) Gather the data and run my ETF system - done twice - Wed and Thu
b2) Tidy my desk and office - done
c) Put on my trades on - done one day late. See below.
d) Automate and reduce the scope for error on running the system - under way, should finish Monday.

The remaining parts of the plan are at the end below. More detail is on paper.

On the way home I am violently attacked twice. Once by the man siting next to me on the plane, who started elbowing me hard (in his sleep I think but maybe not). I ask to be moved and get moved to a seat next to a Swedish model and a nice Mexican woman. They are annoyed to be woken up but later we become quite friendly. Walking home from the railway station I am attacked by a madman, who tells me he "know[s] all about people like you". I respond aggressively and he backs down and leaves. This all leaves me feeling unsettled. When I think about this, I feel that receiving people's feelings may be a better solution. I did have several good chats to other people on the way to San Francisco with a guy who worked for a dot.com and also early on in the international flight with a man who shares my interest in weight lifting..

I fall sick shortly after getting home.

I can barely see for several days and my eyes are watering and blurred and the eye ointment adds to the mix. Nonetheless I put in the work.

It feels unwise to put on the trades in this state. So I wait one day and put them on Thursday night. It is a complicated process and I resolve to make the process more automatic and less error-prone. The delay also means I am aligned with my system which only generates trades every third day. I now have the full positions on. But still I put my trades on a day late. I have missed a run-up and bought at the immediate top by being flat but I know my system works so I don't feel much concern. My main feeling of concern is about the delays in getting it all done.

Also I send in two hot seat reports and one general workshop report to FAQ. I also send the workshop report to my tribe, which generates considerable enthusiasm and interest. I add receiving people's feelings and intimacy model to my spaced interval reminder system in anki. This reminds me to do these things. I find receiving people's feelings works really well. I tell my butcher about some bad kangaroo meat we bought at his shop. I receive his feelings and I notice he does not get defensive or hostile. He gives me some new meat to take home without my asking. He expresses enthusiasm about "getting to the bottom of this". I chat to various people.

I sent in a report to [Name] about being over-committed. I see I am comically over-committed and notice that everyone else in my family is the same. I note the need to prioritize.

I wonder if my father being over-committed is why he had little time for us.

My daughter rings after her overseas trip. She has been offered a post-doctoral position that she is keen about. We talk for a long time and look forward to seeing each other in a couple of months. I tell her she brings us great joy.

Today I am over my illness. I have been doing my exercises while sick, but at a lower intensity. Today I reach my goal on two exercises (vertical press and deadlift). I am now at my target on 5 of 6 lifts. I feel ecstatic. I go for a walk and feel very alive. The trees are blossoming and it is very beautiful. I lose weight during the trip to the US for the workshop, and I continue to lose weight and girth.

I prepare a spreadsheet listing what I want to do with more money and what quantities I require to do those things. The target is ambitious but I don't feel daunted. One thing I want to do with more money is never travel economy class internationally again. I share all this with my wife. She is a little skeptical but supportive.

The only feeling about the trading work that specifically came up was I woke up one night while I was sick and the thought occurred to me "I don't have to do this".

I feel very intense at the moment. It occurs to me that if I use my time better and waste less time, I can get more out of life.

[Name 2] from the workshop tells me about a book about good luck. I buy it on Kindle and find it shows how good luck comes to people who are open to new experiences, who meet lots of people, and who are flexible. I can see that this would also make for a happier life, even if luck did not come into it. I like these ideas. The one about meeting people aligns in my mind with receiving people.

A lot is happening almost all of it good.

I will report weekly every Sunday except I will report to FAQ monthly from here. Thank you for holding me accountable and for providing feedback when appropriate.

regards,

Planned - detail to be elaborated as they get closer.
e) Add option pricing data as filter for ETF system (gather data, write code, test if it works, implement)
f) Collect data and write code for [Country] options system, test. verify results, work out trade sizing, implement).
g) Ditto for US options system.
h) Find a solution for counterparty/broker risk.
h) Complete testing for FX and futures system, add some already identified strategies (simple to do given the framework is there) and implement.
i) Stock trading system for [Country] using existing data. Code test implement.
j) Ditto for US.
k) Other ideas To be advised.

Sep 23, 2013

Workshop AHA's - Receiving His Wife's Feelings, Profitably

Dear Ed:

I enjoyed the workshop. Emma did a good job organizing the event!!

I realized that my wife wants my attention. However, I am busy trading and running my business. My trading system is discretionary but I generate signals through system alerts. System alerts are set through an automated mechanism (e.g. 20 day high) or manually (alert when break out of a trend line).

My system generates too many entry signals. Sometimes I trade 5-10 times a day. I also have a rule that says that I can only hold 6 positions. Due to getting too many signals I take too many entries and cause margin calls even tough my positions are profitable. This is due to the differences between day trading and overnight margin requirements. As a result of all this, I have to close out several positions around the end of day. In doing some back testing - I would be better off trading a lot less. 6 positions offers enough diversification.

All this results in trading getting my attention - which results in less attention to my wife. My aha is to reduce the number of signals so the trading system gets less attention. I start looking at what is getting my attention. I have a hard time passing on what look like to be good entries.

The solution is to reduce the instruments in my universe. I realize that recently soybeans have been getting a lot of my attention. Softs (soybeans, corn, wheat, sugar, cotton, coffee) are harder to trade with my style as they have different rules like limit up, limit down, they only trade some hours. Plus I have not made any profit trading softs or meats.

My personality and trading system works better with growth stocks, equity futures, currencies, crude oil, gold, silver, etc. Plus these take less of my attention.

Then I look at my business. I have an aggressive growth plan. This also takes attention. I decide to slow it down - and my own history shows that I will be better off if I grow slowly.

At the tribe meeting you mentioned getting my wife's feelings might help my trading. That did not make much sense to me at that time - but I was more than willing to accept it as something to try it. Now I get it.

Thank you Ed.

Sep 23, 2013

Workshop Report - Wants Better Relationship
with Wife and Kids

Hi Ed,

I come to the workshop with the goal of learning TTP. I come because I want to implement it with my family and have intimate relationships with my wife and children.

I achieve my goal of learning TTP. I find I get so much more out of the workshop than I expect.

I come away from the workshop with friends, some practical experience of TTP, the support of the tribe, my commitments and a proactive heart rock to use as a resource.

I learn so much and I am amazed by the commitment, willingness, dedication, honesty and support of the workshop participants.

I come away with an overwhelming sense of gratitude to Ed and the tribe.

I feel the weight of expectations to live up to my commitments.

Thank you to all at the workshop. I feel I made a connection with everyone.

My hot seat experience

Ed moves to give a rocks process demonstration and asks who wants to work.

I say I don’t want to yell at my kids any longer. Ed picks me for the Hot Seat.

I start to get nervous as the experienced Austin Tribe members form a circle around me. I want to do my best to reach my goal.

I don’t know what to expect and I don’t want to flop the hot seat.

Ed checks for my willingness. I confirm I am willing and say I don’t want to yell at my kids.

I think Ed asks where I feel that. I don’t really know what happened next I am suddenly surrounded and I feel the support and relentless validation of the tribe, encouraging me to stamp my feet and shake my head an hands. I close my eyes and go with it. I am not sure what is happening. I vaguely notice I am shaking violently but it is almost like an out of body experience, I am not doing it, it is just happening.

Ed asks me to amplify the feeling and Ed asks me to remember when I feel like this as a child.

I search my mind and I don’t see anything. I don’t know. I don’t see anything specific. I notice that I feel alone in a big empty, dark space, isolated and lonely.

I notice this seems familiar and I recall this feeling as a child.

I recall being around two and my parents getting divorced.

I am alone and I miss my Dad. My Mom doesn’t seem to be around. My Dad has moved away and my Mom is not really available.

Ed points out as a divorced, single mother, my Mom has a lot to cope with on her own.

We role play my Mom and Dad arguing. My mom is excessively needy and jealous and my Dad is eventually tired of all the arguing and drama. He gives up the fight and leaves

We identify I receive the following medicinal rocks:
· A shut down rock from my Mom
· A yelling rock from my Mom
· A give up and leave rock from my Dad

We replay the scene with a surrogate HS.

Surrogate HS uses a pro-active heart rock. He shares his feelings as my parents start to argue.

Surrogate HS says “Mom, I’m scared” “I don’t like it when you and Dad fight”.

I am amazed by how effortlessly and eloquently HS shares his feelings. He rejects the medicinal rocks that my mother tries to give him.

Mom says, “Take them, they will help you cope, Use this shut down rock and you can protect yourself. You won’t have to feel anything, it will dull and numb the pain and make it go away.” “If you don’t take this shut down rock, How will you protect yourself?”

Surrogate HS says, “No Thank you Mom. These are your rocks. They work for you. I need to find my own way”

I go back into the hot seat.

Ed checks my willingness and asks if I want try and use the new, pro-active heart rock.

Ed says it comes with tech support. I say yes I want to use the heart rock.

I confirm I don’t want to yell at my kids.

We replay the incident. Ed coaches me. He helps me use the proactive heart rock and implement the sharing of my feelings. I replicate how surrogate HS shares his feelings.

I follow surrogate HS’s the example and I rely on Ed’s tech support. I find the shutdown rock the hardest to give up.

I succeed in sharing my feelings with Ed’s and the tribe’s help.

I see how hard it must be for my Mom on her own. She is supporting me. It is a time when being a young, single, divorced mother is not socially accepted. I realise the strain she must have been under during this time.

I also share feelings with my Dad, that I want to spend time playing with him. This seems to move him.

I come away from the Hot Seat experience feeling empowered and confident that I can use my new pro-active, sharing feelings heart rock.

During checkout I amazed by how many insights all the participants have how all these events and feelings seem to permeate throughout everyone’s lives.

Pleasing Others vs. Helping Others

I sit next to a tribe member with an extreme case of a need to please others. I realise I also have this k-not.

The tribe member goes on the hot seat. We role play his childhood experience.

Hot Seat continually lives a life of drama. He is an atheist and his girlfriend and her family are strong Catholics. Hot Seat wants to please his beloved girlfriend and her family. He asks her to marry him and agrees to have a Catholic wedding.

He realises that he does not really want to get married and he certainly does not want to do so in a catholic church. His biggest issue is that he doesn’t want to bring up his future children as Catholics.

Hot Seat is in a terrible dilemma:

· Hot Seat wants to please his girlfriend and her family.
· He is now doing something he doesn’t want to do to please them.
· His integrity is at stake and the only way out seems to be a major drama.
· The closer he moves towards the big day the bigger the unfolding drama gets.
· Hot Seat can’t face the thought of losing his girlfriend and he can’t seem to risk displeasing her and her family.

I hope HS manages to resolve his problem.

I notice there is a difference between helping others and pleasing others.

I experience some confusion between pleasing others and helping others.

Hot Seat’s family drama highlights this for me.

Later, Hot Seat is discussing his experience with Ed and Hot Seat tells Ed he does not want to sign a marriage agreement to bring his future children up under the Catholic faith.

Ed tells HS the Catholic church will not likely change the agreement for him.

The only way HS can get married in the Catholic church (to please girlfriend and family) and sign that document and have the marriage work, is to have a barren marriage with no children.

I ask Ed about compromising. I ask Ed what does he think about HS signing the marriage document and raising the children using his own method. I personally don’t believe it’s any of the church’s business how I raise my kids.

Ed tells me, “Then you have no integrity.”

Ed says, If you don’t have your word, what have you got? You have nothing!

This hits me hard. I realise I need to tighten up on my integrity and not be so blasé about things.

I realise I sign things I don’t want to sign and I don’t pay too much attention to the fine print on agreements.

Although we might use the k-nots to prevent us from feeling feelings we don’t want to feel, there is a cost involved.

Ed asks us to try to notice what our k-nots are costing us.

I think about the pleasing others k-not.

I identify the following costs:

· Loss of Integrity

o I end up doing things I don’t want to do for the sake of pleasing others.
o I don’t reach my full potential as I concentrate on pleasing others rather than doing my best or the right thing.
o Pleasing Others gets me into co-dependant relationships where I get used.

Later Events

I have an experience on the aeroplane.

The cabin lights dim, I put my seat back to get some sleep. The lady behind me complains. “Please can you put your seat back up”

I comply. It’s not a big deal for me. I fall in and out of sleep, I am uncomfortably vertical.

Later I reflect and realise that I could have received her by saying “Thank you for having the courage to ask me to lift my seat” and I could have shared my feelings “I feel really tired and I really want to sleep” I could have moved it somewhere mid-range and asked “Is this OK?”

I realise I need to get more comfortable using my new heart rock.

My flight is delayed. I miss my connecting flight by less than 5 minutes.

I am put up by the airline in a hotel.

I am alone in the hotel room and I reflect on the workshop. I realise if I were not so polite, and if I hadn’t waited my turn in the que, I might just have caught the flight.

It strikes me that my own Hot Seat was about being alone and I make the connection that perhaps I shut down and please others so that I do not have to be alone.

The irony is that I am now delayed a day and I am now stuck ALONE, in my hotel room.

I acknowledge my intention to be delayed and miss my flight.

I realise that I don’t mind being alone and I see a positive intention of being alone is to reflect and think.

I recall childhood memories of my Mom yelling at me to “Go to Sleep”. I hear the echo of my own voice yelling the same thing to my own children.

I am ashamed. I realise how hard it must have been for my Mom to be a single, divorced mother. I come to see how my own behaviour and life situation seems to mimic hers.

A recall a few other long dormant childhood memories. I vow to break the cycle and raise my children without yelling at them.

I am grateful that I have a new sharing feelings heart rock and a commitment to use it. I am grateful to have the support of the tribe.

I learn so much at the workshop and I come away feeling lucky to attend. I feel highly motivated, grateful to all and extremely pleased to get to know Ed in person.

I treasure my memory of the workshop and all that I learn. I mark it as one of the most important events of my life.

My goal on leaving the workshop are:

“I intimately raise kids”

“I trade client money profitably”

I add another goal:

“I have clear agreements and I operate with absolute integrity”

Thank you to everyone at the workshop and of course a very special thanks to Ed.

Sep 22, 2013

The Dali Lama Tweets About Fear

Ed,

"Fear that makes us run from a mad dog is useful and necessary, whereas fear rooted in mistrust is unhelpful and needs to be overcome."

https://twitter.com/DalaiLama

Sep 22, 2013

Workshop Report

Dear Ed,

Thanks very much for being the person you are. That's what I most like about you. There is no hidden agenda and no conflict of interest. It is what it is.

Intention = Results. No judgement.

You inspire me on how to live right livelihood

I feel really humbled by TTP as it is more effective than any reasoning and go down to resolve whatever issue comes up as feelings. We just need to surrender and go with the flow. It is as simple as trend following.

Going to the workshop and experiencing TTP in a group, especially guided by you and other experience practitioners, gives me much more clarity of the application of the process in my life.

I get frustrated for not having an enough hot issue to deal in the hot seat. I raise my issue to the group and conclude that there is no hot issue and I got the encouragement to keep on the right path to keep working on the implementation of my business plan.

We move to the next hottest member that is very frustrated with his risk management negligence. He develop forms on his back and move his shoulders back and stretches his chest out and grunts. The group encourages him to do more and more. Go for it!

PM freezes the form and the HS start to tell the story when he was young and won 2nd in a math competition in a big city in his county. I think he must be very good because the population of the city is huge. When he tells his parents he wants to be a mathematician the family reject the idea and offer his different career paths such as accounting, due to his uncle success in this profession.

We role play the story and run the rocks process to forgive the rock of avoiding dealing with accounting and donate a heart rock to share and receive feelings.

HS has an aha that, despite being very good at maths, throughout his life he always have problems with book keeping and accounting, even having managed several businesses. He was also creating some drama and avoiding at all costs calculating his positions risk.

On the next day when HS checks in he tells that he woke up early that morning and did the risk calculation for his entire portfolio in 15 minutes and says it is not a big deal. He is very grateful that TTP works.

Another TT meeting I participate in the workshop and Ed is the PM.

One of the members volunteers for the HS. He has an issue on finding right livelihood. As he talks the issue he develops forms by shaking his arms with his hands on his lap. The group encourages him and the he intensifies to a level that he fall off the chair and PM freezes his form.

On the ground he finds himself in a dark room that his father usually locks him in and he develops this shut down pattern regarding how he handled his life. His father donates the shut down rock and his mother donates hope and prayer.

The group role plays the story and HS forgive the rocks to his parents and accept the donation of a heart rock to send and receive feelings. The group completes the task successfully.

After that the issue is still not clear and has to do with HS current job that is not pleasant and fun. HS complain about an issue of his boss yelling at him and that is not pleasant, but at the same time he does not know what to do about it i.e., stop the yelling.

HS and a volunteer role play boss and subordinate. HS has great difficult to talk straight down the point, which is. "I am not happy with you yelling at me, please stop (full stop)". HS goes round in circles and avoids going straight to the point. Another issue comes up in the role play conversation where the boss invites the HS to become partner in the firm. HS avoids the possibility of becoming a partner despite that strengthens the case of the not yelling anymore demand.

At this point after various rounds of role playing and even PM modelling the response to the boss the group has an AHA moment that the deep issue about right livelihood is commitment.

No one can achieve right livelihood without commitment.

HS is very happy with the outcome and the AHA moment in finding what is standing between him and right livelihood: Lack of Commitment.

Ed, I really resonate with TTP and makes sense for me. I am very grateful for you running this workshop that I have waited since November 2010. When I commit to attend an workshop in the now.

I hold the intention to open a tribe in my location. Actually the tribe is in the directory now. YAY!

I also hold the intention to stay in the now and go with the flow and attract members to my local tribe that are willing to work on the issue and commit to TTP.

Best Regards

Sep 22, 2013

Louis C.K. On the Joy of Sadness

Dear Ed -

This is great… from the Conan O'Brien show, on how texting while driving is a response to existential sadness and loneliness… and how feeling the feelings can be, surprise surprise, a good thing...

Louis C.K.'s Girls Can't Have Cell Phones
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c

Louis CK: "I heard (the Springsteen song) and it gave a fall back to high school depression. And it made me really sad, and I'm going "OK, I'm getting' sad… I gotta get the phone and write 'Hi' to like fifty people, and then you know somebody cool writes back, and then somebody not as cool writes after and I'm like (dismissive gesture) 'f*ck you, I'm gonna get somebody better' (laughter). But, ah…"

Andy Richter: "Hey, how come you didn't answer my text?" (big laugh and applause) "… speaking of which."

CK: "because he (gesturing to Conan O'Brian) wrote first! … (laughter)

So.. anyway, I started to get that sad feeling and I was reaching for the phone and then I said, 'You know what? Don't. Just be sad. Just let the sadness... stand in the way of it and let it hit you like a truck. And I let it come and Bruce… UAAAAWWWW (song continues to evoke the emotion) and I just started to feel OH MY GOD! And I pulled over, and I just cried like a bitch, and I cried so much. And it was beautiful. It was like this beautiful… sadness is poetic! You're lucky to live sad moments! And then I had happy feelings .. cause when you let yourself feel sad, your body has like antibodies, it has happiness that comes rushing in to meet the sadness. I was grateful to feel sad, and then I met it with true, profound happiness. It was such a trip, you know. The thing is, because we don't want that first bit of sad, we push it away with the little phone jack off, for the food… and you get… you get a little kind of... you never feel completely sad or completely happy. You just feel kind of satisfied with your products, and then you die. So… that's why I don't want to get a phone for my kids."

An appreciation of this bit of brilliance, which is nothing new to those engaged in tribe work, is here:

Louis C.K.'s Explanation of Why He Hates Smartphones Is Sad, Brilliant
http://gawker.com/louis-c-k-s-explanation-of-why-he-hates-smartphones-is-1354954625

Cheers,

Sep 21, 2013

Workshop Follow Up

Ed, as you requested and I agreed, the photo of the bike named 'Fred'. Regards.

Fred