I would like to bring to your attention that the "issues" link in your yellow workshop box does not work yet. I would like to see issues that people bring to the Workshop.

Thank you for listening and for the work you do posting replies and keeping an up to date website. You have the best website on the net. At least the website I like visiting the most.

I appreciate it.

Ed,

Ed Says: "Your meetings seem to feature analysis of a situation and then implementation of advice from Tribe members."

We now have a hot seat / rocks checklist (see at end) to help us stay on the path. We use it with good effect in our tribe meeting this week.

We do sometimes give people advice, which is not TTP. We also do two other things that can look like advice.

First, we give the person homework, with their agreement. As with the hardball process, we intend for the person to face in a stronger way the issue they struggle with eg if a person stuggles with being alone and medicates this with drinking, picking up girls and hanging out with "ex" girlfriends, we suggest HS tries not doing those things and see what feelings come up. In part we do this because some members have trouble finding that critical incident.

Second, during the rocks process we brainstorm for proactive solutions to the person's problems. It is up to HS which if any he takes on. So for example "you need to work hard to be successful and most successful people work hard" sounds like advice but in the context of the HS, meant that you can give away the old rocks "you should not work hard, working hard is for untalented try-hards, if it doesn't come easy you are not meant to do that thing".

I do admit we do degenerate into advice giving at times and we strive to reduce this or take it off line.

FAQ suggests: "You might consider taking your feelings about <wanting to fix people> and <give advice> to Tribe."

Last Sunday I undergo a Holotropic Breathwork session for two hours. I cover an astonishing amount of material - it feels like 15 'big' hot seats back to back. I learn that this issue of wanting to fix people stems from problems with time - not having enough time, struggling to get more done, will I run out of time. I want to fix people and give advice now because we may run out of time. I realize that people have their own pace and will do what they need to do when they are ready. There is plenty of time.

I announce at the start of tribe this week "Hot Seat a la Carte." People can do the hot seat they are ready for. This may be a rant plus a hot seat, a full-on hot seat, hot seat plus rocks or even "Rocks or Bust". We do not help people medicate their feelings though, I say.

We have three hot seats this week.

Member 2 feels great shame when he makes mistakes and when being crticized. He avoids risking a mistake and thereby loses opportunities to learn, to grow and to achieve things. We ramp up the hot seat and he experiences strong feelings. I ask does this feeling seem familiar, can he recall a time he feels like this. He remembers a time coming home from spending his pocket money on a toy car (age ~7) and his father expresses disappointment and criticism at the waste of money. He later stops giving him pocket money. He recalls his mother donating the strategy of not doing anything subject to criticism and not defending yourself from criticism - take it on board because it is for your own good. After considering many alternate strategies HS decides on being unashamed of what he did and firmly defending himself without excessive aggression, while accepting the good intentions of the perpetrator. On reenactment this works well, also when scanning through such incidents from the past. This member has never done a full rocks process and looks pleased. HS reports a couple of days later the issue troubles him a lot less and he takes more risks of making mistakes.

Member 3. From the Breathwork I have a niggling feeling that no matter what I achieve it is all meaningless. At the high point of the hot seat, I recall spending time with my grandmother talking about Jesus and religion. When she suddenly died my parents shut down all forms of spirituality in various ways. I identify the perpetrator as, in part "life" for taking away my grandmother and my avenue to spirituality, and also my parents for shutting this down. With help from the tribe I identify that I can find many avenues to finding a path to a spirituality that works for me and I identify one person in particular who can help. We reenact and it works well. When I get home I read some of the Book of Revelation and decide that is not for me. But I have plenty of time and many other possibilities. I decide to book another breathwork session in a couple of months and make the booking. Within a couple of days the niggling issue goes away.

Member 6. Bothered by his new boss who micromanages him. Stands behind him watching him work on the screen and criticizes mistakes. The boss criticizes him and never praises him, but then recommends he is advanced to confirmed permanent employment. HS feels surprised as he has had only criticism. HS "sucks it up" and then later it gets too much and he gets angry which achieves some improvement. HS recalls his father criticising him trenchantly. His mother donates the strategy to remain quiet and put up with it, don't backchat, your dad has good intentions and don't think otherwise. HS decides on an alternate strategy of asking the person to speak to him respectfully - HS is open to suggestions and criticisms if given in a respectful way. On reenactment and life events review this seems to work. Later HS reports feeling a lot better about things.

All our hot seats go all the way through to a successful rocks process this week - for the first time ever. This happens after I tell people that they can have the Hot Seat they need (see above), and I decide that there is plenty of time and no rush. We get a lot done, without rushing, and I find the same thing in other parts of my life.

-----

Hot seat checklist (see book "The Checklist Manifesto" for more on checklists).

HS has a problem?
HS experiences a feeling that HS does not enjoy?
HS feels "hot" about the issue?
HS appoints a Process Manager.
Clarify the problem and the feeling – not the solution or cause.
Encourage HS to manifest the feeling in a physical way.
Everyone provides a strong vocal field of encouragement.
At a peak moment, PM encourages HS to freeze and intensify the feeling.
Ask for a previous time HS feels like this. Preferably the earliest time HS can remember.
* Verify willingness and terminate on lack of willingness. But before doing so, consider:
* With HS's permission, goad HS into stronger feelings re topic.
* If HS avoids the feeling, or has trouble experiencing the feeling, work on the unwillingness to experience the feeling potentially to a few levels deep.
May have to repeat steps * for 2-3 times to get an answer
HS identifies the formative scene:
What happens?
Who are the perpetrator and the other participants?
What feelings arise?
Does HS not like those feelings?
Who donates the strategies to make the feelings go away?
Identify the strategies.
Check HS has a Rock:
Does some event trigger the situation?
Does a feeling or feelings arise?
Does HS not like the feeling?
Does a donor appear with strategies to make the feelings go away?
Can you say what the strategies are?
Do the donor's strategies cause problems?
HS appoints actors to play the roles in the scene.
Replay the scene with the donor donating the strategy. HS experiences how that feels. May need to repeat to get the words and actions right in HS's view. Members sometimes resist using HS's required words.
Find new better strategies and someone to donate the new strategies.
Test willingness to try the new strategies.
Re-enact, HS this time politely declining the old strategies, and accepting the new strategies. See if they seem to work.
HS may need someone else to play the role for him first, so he can see and learn the new strategies. Then HS plays the role and tries the new strategies.
HS then goes through several similar situations in his mind seeing if the new strategies work there also.
Review if HS feels satisfied and we can call it complete.
Check out in character i.e. from the perspective of the role not the player, with HS going last.
HS frees the role players from their roles: "Thank you for playing the role of X. I release you from the role and welcome you back as tribe member and friend".
Check out of HS process. Focus on the process and what we can learn. Avoid giving HS advice but instead review the process. HS goes last.

I find that my first response pattern when seeing all markets go against my positions now becomes to, Oh No, where is my Tribe?

Thanks,

I express appreciation for your "bolding" of a part of my previous contribution and see this as a recognition that the bolded section has significance.

I do not say I believe you agree with it, like it, approve of it or validate it.

Sometimes you bold sections of letters to highlight areas you see as reflecting issues of the writer, or even "mistakes" such as using the verb "to be" or other non-SVOP language.

In your written response you suggest I take my feelings about "receiving validation" to Tribe, and this sounds like a useful idea.

The graphic you choose suggests "needing" validation rather than "receiving" validation.

I also enjoy the feelings of proving a point, and will take that to Tribe if you think that might prove useful.

Right after you do.

Your teacher and student,

The typo is in the paragraph beginning with "The member follows every one of our commands" and is in the next sentence, "We continue bantering about this process" where I misspell process.

Thank you for the bolding at the end; I'm glad you saw it as significant.

Thank your for helping me learn more about control versus intimacy. You may also consider taking your feeling of <proving a point> and the feeling of <having to put up with institutional coersion> to tribe.

Warm regards,

Your student.

I would like to share with you about the picture of my situation I paint you earlier. Maybe I have an Aha from either you reading my material or just me sending it to you and also to [Name].

I have intrusive thoughts. I would like to learn how to deal with these instead of letting it cripple me. I tie myself up in knots afraid to move forward.

I would like to move forward with my life. I would like [Name] to stand besides me.

I sit at work tapping my feet vigorously before getting to this conclusion. Now my feet stay still. I have a peaceful feeling.

Wikipedia lists cognitive behavior therapy as a treatment for this. I believe that TTP might provide a better solution. I would like to bring this issue to Workshop. I will write using the template you show me later as I want to walk around first now.

Thanks,

I watch the video you post in Aug 19, 2014 in your response to "Feelings on Holding On".

As I watch the video my heart jumps and my throat swells. It feels like my heart jumps to my throat and stays there. I breath slowly and control my breathing.

Through a series of extraordinary coincidences I find myself in San Juan on Thursday, August 7 in time for the final meeting of the Austin Tribe. I plan to depart on a cruise vacation two days later.

I attend my second Tribe meeting of this series as a guest, since I cannot participate regularly due to an injury at the beginning of the series.

I know and feel comfortable with all the Tribe members from previous acquaintance during the last series. I appreciate their gracious and welcoming responses to my presence.

The atmosphere feels tropical and festive. A band plays Latin music at the hotel next door and the sounds of the surf on the beach create an exotic backdrop for our meeting. Humidity hangs heavily in the air and we all sweat profusely. I feel relaxed and languid.

All members except me have issues to work on; I honestly feel issue-less at the time and see myself in a supporting role for the other members.

One member who works on the issue of pursuing his dream of becoming a professional animator finds himself moving slowly and encountering obstacles. His process in the meeting leads him to a memory of his father walking away to another side of the jetty after the member catches a fish.

This member feels rejected and inadequate when faced with obstacles or goals he must pursue. In the role play he finally becomes proactive with his father and accomplishes some satisfying outcomes. I feel happy for him and want to give feedback that reinforces his proactive responses in his life.

Another member states a desire to come out of his shell and recalls that his mother literally refers to him as a turtle. He asks for our assistance and at first nobody feels he demonstrates the willingness to put forth some real effort.

Ed instructs him to ask us to challenge him so that he can demonstrate willingness. We all come up with challenges that lead to a great deal of hilarity.

I challenge him to do a sexy dance for me. He doesn't hesitate, and soon his shirt comes off (I honestly don't remember if I asked him to take it off or if he did it spontaneously). After asking if he is wearing underwear under his swim shorts (he is), I instruct him to drop his pants.

I feel surprised and a tiny bit anxious as I see the turtle emerging from his shell. It feels like a risky moment to me for some reason, probably because I emerge from my own shell in recent months, finding life exhilarating and free.

The member follows every one of our commands without question, impressing me with his willingness. We continue bantering about this process throughout the evening and the next day. He even becomes a little bossy as he casts off the shackles of turtlehood.

A third member works on not being intimidated by, or giving in to, others who seem more confident or competent than he. This member makes a lot of progress through the Tribe series and uses the role playing opportunities in a very productive manner. He seems "all in" to me and reaps the benefit in his business and personal interactions.

Another member faces his problem with keeping agreements. Even during his visit to Puerto Rico examples of unkept or dubious agreements continue to surface. He wants to work on improving his relationship with his wife, whom he continually tries to change.

I eagerly volunteer to role-play his wife as he attempts to listen to her feelings. I play her as vulnerable, insecure and overwhelmed, and at one point I begin crying, burying my face in my hands. I stand alone, wanting so much for him to come to me and hold me. He does not. He keeps talking, and I can't even hear what he says.

Later, the member tells me that his wife would never act the way I did, that she is very proud and reserved. I believe my interpretation of her reflects her inner feelings, possibly even some she is not consciously aware of. Regardless, the role-play moves me as I display my own need for a man to hold and comfort me.

The final process involves a member who makes a religious bargain in order to cope with overpowering fear and anger during his witnessing his mother beating his brother. He now feels trapped in the bargain but feels unable to walk away from it.

He makes the bargain with the emotions of a child but now, as a man, the child-emotions prevent him from seeing any way out. He wants the Tribe to "rip" this "program" out of him. Instead he comes to see that the bargain belongs to him, he made it with himself, and that he can change it at will, whenever he wants to.

The most profound part of this last process for me rings through in the phrase, "Heaven is here, right now". As we all repeat this and it sinks in, we plan a baptism in the Caribbean for the next morning.

I feel my participation in Tribe over the past year transforms me in ways I could not imagine two years ago. The series ends with us all laughing and joking in the water together, cleansed and supported by the power of the ocean.

Sincerely,

Thank you for your response. From your teachings I understand that control-centric relating has a lot to do with telling people what to do, whilst intimacy-centric relating builds rapport.

The big red "stop" sign and the sentence "Stop Bernoulli Abuse" sound control-centric to me: they tell me, in no uncertain terms, what i must do.

Perhaps, laying out your theory and showing your experimental results without the command to "Stop Bernoulli Abuse" might be a more intimacy-centric alternative.

Thank you for your love and patience.

Warm regards,

As per your website your stance on the Bernoulli law feels control-centric. Is this an old website or do you still feel this way about the matter?

http://www.seykota.com/tribe/Levitator/index.htm

Warm regards,

Your student.

According to [Soros'] son, Robert, he [may change] his position on the market [when] his back starts killing him. It has nothing to do with reason. He literally goes into a spasm and it's this early warning sign. Soros has admitted to relying greatly on "animal instincts", saying the onset of acute pain was often "a signal that there was something wrong in my portfolio".

http://www.thereformedbroker.com/2014/08/17/when-process-meets-the-real-world/#ixzz3AkkAKXIP

I sit on my bed and reread Govopoly. Duckweed, debt, assimilation, desperation. I feel myself slouching.

As I turn to page 60. I sit up. "The positive side of duckweed" and "tool making". I continue to read.

I would like to learn how to make and utilize tools, with financial tools at the forefront of my mind.

I want to survive and prosper.

I am a stock trader. I have reached a good degree of success with my trading style.

However, I have a problem right now, and I would like to have your opinion on this.

I am used to selecting very good stocks in a market, for instance, the NASDAQ market and trading stocks within this index.

I am wondering if it would be better to handle only 100 stocks, and to trade only those, or look for good stocks among almost 3000 which are quoted every week.

I am convinced that your trading style consists of only a certain number of financial instruments to watch, (commodities, currencies, future and so on) and to always trade those selected.

Therefore, I would like to understand from your point of view, what you could suggest l do.

Many thanks for your help.

Kind regards,

After going to my bank today I have the following information regarding [the wire] transfer [for the Workshop].

Due to "Anti Money Laundering" legislation my bank delays the transfer whilst their internal compliance team reviews it. They confirm the date of transfer occurring on the 15/08/2014 which means the money will show in your account within three days. The account details I have for you follow:

[XXX-XXX-XXX]

Combining my banks three day time frame with your banks five day time frame means you may not see this transfer until next week.

If any issues arise I will let you know.

Ed,

I read about a person this morning whose husband cheated, and she said she felt like she was being shot.

She said boom, boom, boom.

I guess that is similar to my feeling of feeling like I've been kicked in the stomach, can't breathe and the blood drains from my face.

Aug 17, 2014

Dealing with Infidelity

Ed,

I accept job offer in my hometown and make plans to reunite with my family. I arrive home and find it cluttered and in disarray. I continue to obsess about past infidelities and wonder how can I ask my wife to move forward if I cannot myself. I see signs that she may not have completely cut off ties with the other man.

I struggle with how to cope with the situation. From early on my response to a situation like this is to run and don't look back. I see how when I change others may change. In this situation I don't know how to change or where to start exactly.

I feel I use reason and obsession so I don't have to feel. When I think of the situation I feel a little anger but also understand I have a role in this dynamic feedback system. I sense I have a blind spot here because I quickly resort to blame which I don't express verbally to her but I'm sure seeps out and she may sense it somehow.

This part of the journey I feel will require a lot of courage, I'm not so sure if I have it in me right now. I keep remembering "just follow the feeling", but this one feels like a mountain.

Thank You

Thank you for your responses. I think that you sincerely care for me even we don't know [each other]. And I feel it in your responses to me. I will work on the Workshop update.

In last night ELV (Yorba Linda) tribe meeting, we work on a process. The client recalls that when he is a little boy, his father buys him a pair of new shoes. He is excited and goes to his friends. He jumps around, making quick maneuvers to show off the spikes under the shoe heel. He then finds his friends all look sad and envy, and he feels guilty and stupid. We role play this situation and help the client to share feeling with each of the kids. Eventually some boys accept that he may play with them by keeping the new shoes on, some of the kids has strong envy about it and the tribe member agrees to change to the old shoes and keep playing. Either way he is able to create rapport.

Later at night after the tribe meeting, I share with my wife about some previous misunderstanding of sharing feelings. The purpose of sharing feelings it not to make people get rid of their feeling so they start to listen to me and I get what I want. The purpose is to create rapport.

When she tells me how she feels, I get to know what she likes and what she doesn't. So I can adjust myself so I don't hurt her feelings unintentionally, and so does she. Most time people hurt each other's feelings unintentionally, if we communicate feelings well, we learn the boundary and it's easier to maximize my gain without cross the boundary.

My wife seems to like it and I can feel she doesn't feel pressure from my talking. She then tells me that she doesn't like my new beard. She is not used to a hairy man. She feels disgusted.

I thank her for sharing her feelings about my newly grown beard. And I find that now I am in the very similar position of the tribe member with the new shoes. I ask if she wants to hear how I feel and she agrees. I tell her I feel more secure and easier to blend in in the office, for all my coworkers, tens of them, have beard or mustache. I also tell her I feel more manly when I have mustache. She tells me that she doesn't want me to be more manly, she wants me to be more sensitive and caring. I thank her for telling me what she doesn't like and what she likes. And I share with her that I want to care about her feelings, as careful as walking on the rice paper. I tell her about what you teach me about not to wrinkle the rice paper when I want to be close to a person. She likes the idea.

I then tell her if she really doesn't like it I can shave my beard. I tell her I feel sad and pain. This is the first time I do something to myself to enjoy myself. She says if I really want to keep, I can keep it. I thank her to accept my new beard.

I realize that when sharing feelings, it is crucial not to have a preset, or hidden agenda. After getting to know each others feeling, there's still chance that I don't get what I want, and I must take the loss. And this is what I want to do. By creating rapport, either way I win. This is where I win by losing.

It reminds me of your comment about the game theory, or the war theory. With game theory, I win the game and lose friend in one engagement. With TTP share feeling, I create rapport, gain friends, and most likely I can get opportunity to come back to get what I want.

Thank you for telling me you like my beard,

Have a great weekend,

I have created the system as per your inputs on TT website. Unfortunately here in [Country] we don't have tribe group or like minded people to discuss the same with.

I would like to share with you both the data model and financial model, I am looking for validation / guidance from you at the same time if you can help me create the risk model associated with this that will be great.

I know you are busy and is not on your priority list, however your guidance will be really appreciated.

In anticipation of your early response on the same.

Thanks and best regards

Connecting with Son about Video Games

Dear Ed,

My son is 9 years old and spends a lot of time playing video games (about 3 hours daily). He lives with his mom. Some days ago his Nintendo falls in water and it does not work anymore.

I think that it is not good for him to spend so much time playing video games instead of interacting with people. Furthermore, the repair of the Nintendo is expensive.

In spite of my own reserves, I calmly discuss with my son if it is better to repair it or to buy a new one, or to do without it.

My ex-wife is angry and sustains that it is better not to repair it and to force the child to take a break of several months from playing. I acknowledge her anger and her need to command my son, but internally and not saying a word: I have learned that telling her "thank you for sharing your worries" leads to her disapproval and generates an answer like "ha ha ha" or "don´t use this cult slang with me".

I tell my son that I would like to know his opinion, and I tell my ex-wife that I will listen to my son before I make a decision. While I have a clear opinion about it, I don´t want to force my views into my son.

I talk with him. We find out that he plays Nintendo when he feels bored or alone. I observe that his mother spends several hours a day listening to the radio or watching TV and is not available.

I discuss with my son several options to cope with boredom or loneliness: to meet a friend, to visit me and play chess, to exercise, to give me a call and just talk, to express his feelings of boredom and loneliness to his siblings or to his mother, to play video games.

I also explicitly tell him that I can buy a new Nintendo, if it is what he wants. At a point, he says "Dad, you know, this video games thing is silly, I think that I don´t need it".

I am happy about my son making his own decisions and feel peace about my readiness to give him the freedom to choose his own path.

Dear Ed, and I thank you for letting me choose my own path and for being there.

Sincerely yours,

https://i.imgur.com/8oewHKo.gif

Old Habits

Hi Ed,

I feel myself slipping into old habits. I eat unhealthy foods late, stay up throughout the night, and fall asleep in the morning and miss work. After coming from [Country] where I smoke and enjoy it for the first time in 2 years, I find myself lethargic. I miss half day of work yesterday and a full day today.

I find it surprising because since my return from seeing close college and high school friends I feel more confident in myself, yet this feeling results in my lethargy and missed work. I wonder if the above only gives me a false sense of confidence, and I wonder if the Workshop can show me how to get a lasting and productive sense of confidence in myself. Or maybe I channel that confidence into something productive.

I read the FAQ below about how the father raises his son in an environment of "fear". I think I have a similar problem. Where people feel fear around me. My little cousin mentions to me last month that he feels scared around me and he chooses to whisper instead. I don't visit him as often now.

I think this fear feeling around me has to do with my late-night full blown meals and staying up. Also this aura of fear around me attracts people I would rather keep at a distance.

Just thoughts I share. I wonder what your think about my situation and how I can change my situation. In the father's story above I find a warm fuzzy feeling when his son mentions to him that he likes how the father interacts with people. I would like to interact with people in similar fashion.

And also I think I have much in common with hiding turtle.

Thanks for letting me share. I welcome your thoughts and opinions.

I wonder if the workshop releases [Name and me] from our drama - and ... only the drama brings us together.

This comedian expresses in a humorous way some principles of TTP and I
think that FAQ readers can find some useful examples of how people
medicate feelings. And if you turn off the sound and only read the
titles, you can practice some Spanish. I like it.

Note: It contains profane language.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlSASraeDMA

-----

[I recall] you mention that the Austin/San Juan Tribe meets two
more times. I would like to know the dates, to see if I can plan a trip
to Puerto Rico around them.

Best regards,

Tribe Meeting Report

Ed,

We have seven members in this tribe meeting on Aug. 7th 2014.

It's Ed's birthday and we celebrate his 4th anniversary of 17th birthday. Ed says his is never before as old as this, and neither is the universe.

A member reports that he feels that he is like a turtle hiding in his shell, and he wants to experience getting out of shell. Ed asks him to kneel on the floor, crawl to every member and request every member to help him. He does so. One member reminds him that he doesn't want to talk to the turtle's back when he hide his head, so the turtle raises his head and look at the member in her eyes. When the turtle comes to me, I tell him to leave. He goes to other members and later comes back to me, I then feel his strong determination and agree to help him.

Then Ed asks the turtle to go to everybody again to do whatever everybody wants. I don't know what to ask him to do and am going to ask him to shake his butt. But the member before me asks him to do a sexy dance. And the member does a very surprisingly good job. Everybody is excited and we wonder people in the other building would see us. When the turtle comes to me, I have to get another idea. I tell him to squad and do a horse stance for 3 minutes. The member complies and his legs start to shake quickly. Other members join in and we wait till the timer expires. Then the member has to wash the feet for another member and sing a rap song to each member, using each member's name.

I feel the intensity of physical, emotional and intellectual challenge to the member in this process, and I really love the member's commitment to work on himself to get out of that shell. It's a crazy process with deep meaning. It reminds me of old kung fu movies when a prospect Kung fu student has to pass tough tests before getting acceptance from the old master.

When it's my turn, I report an issue that, whenever another person / authority invalidates me, my first auto response is to agree and give in. I give an recent example, my family and a friend family are going to national park for Labor day long weekend. That park are excellent for camping and my son and I want to camp out or rent a cabin inside the woods. But the other family and my wife want to stay in hotel. When I feel I have to convince my wife and the enormous resistance she is for sure going to have, so do other family, I feel not wanting to bother to discuss it, and just give in without even discuss with them. After booking, I feel really disappointed and even sad, I feel we are losing a great fun and I have high expectation of an outdoor experience for the long weekend. I regret I did not take enough effort to insist going camping or renting a cabin in the forest.

Ed and tribe help me get into forms of the feeling of not bothering to insist what I want, and even ask me to say it out in my mother language. I swing my hands and Ed asks me to tighten up. I see a friend in my school. He is my best friend. I always imitate him. He is very smart and cool. He likes yell at me, and is tough to others. And I shutdown. He is my role model in that small rural town. Even in junior high, he reads many books of modern physics like relativity theory and quantum physics. I imitate what he does and sometimes he makes fun of me and I shutdown too.

Another member has an issue with the arrangement of the garage with his wife. He wants to discard some useless items so he can park his car inside the garage but his wife wants to keep them. He feels frustrated and not knowing what to do.

Another member has a issue to keep pace with his work. Ed and tribe help him to get into forms and he recall an early incidence when he goes fishing with his father. When he gets a fish, he is excited and walks to his dad and wants to tell him about it. His father bluntly dismisses him and walks away. He feels sad and shutdown.

Ed summarizes that all 3 of us have the similar issues of dealing with an authority, i.e., when an authority figure makes a decision which hurts our own benefit, we shutdown and give in. Ed ask each of us to re-live the early situation with the intimacy-centric method.

So each 3 of us has the opportunities to work on re-living the situations, with more than one authority figures.

I volunteer to play the father of the first member. We stand there and fish together. When he approaches me, I take off and leave. I want to make a phone call. The member asks me where I am going, I tell him so and I tell him I need to make a phone call. The member tells me that he catches a fish, then I realize I am not taking a father's responsibility, which is to encourage him. So I do so. He feels happy. This process reminds me sometimes when my son comes to me with his achievement, and my mind is on something else and I neglect his feelings. It reminds me to be more attentive when taking care of my children.

Then other two members play the father and the member gets to practice applying intimacy model in two different possibilities from the same situation.

When it's my turn. Ed ask me which situation I want to play, the yelling or the mock. I choose the yelling. So one member volunteers to be my friend. I say to him "Let's go to play with other kids". He cuts me off and start to yell at me. The member plays so well that I feel the power and terror, exactly the way I feel in early situation. I try to apply intimacy approach and ask him how he feels right now? He pause and tell me that he is angry. I thank him for telling me he is angry. I then I ask him how he feels about we playing with other kid? He tells me that he doesn't like the other kid. I tell him I never know about that he doesn't like to play with other kids right now. And I thank him for telling me that, and now I get to know about it. I then share with him that I feel terrified when hear the yell, and my ears nearly go deaf, my body petrified and my knees are extremely weak, barely can support my body. He turns more peaceful and acknowledges my fear and tells me he will pay attention next time.

Then another member plays the friend. When I tell him to find other kid. He stares at me with a cray look, and tell me it's stupid, "He is stupid", and "You are stupid". My mind goes blank and I tell him so. I don't know what he is thinking and what I should do. I then thank him for telling me his feeling about the stupidity of other kid. I tell him I never know he feels that way and thank him for letting me know. Now I get it, I know he doesn't like to play with stupid kids. I then ask him how he feels about me? He tells me I am stupid too. I then ask him how he feel if I want to play with him and I am stupid. He pause a little and nod and says OK. I can play with him. I ask him what he is playing and he tells me he is playing launch missiles. I say "how about a submarines" and he likes. I feel I want to create rapport and this process helps me to detach from the rejection situation and stick to communicating feelings and create rapport.

Then I work with the 3rd surrogate. He tells him he doesn't like to play with other kid. I then ask him how he feel playing with me. He tells me that I am too slow, and I can't understand what he is doing. He feel he is far better than me on many things and it's not very appealing to play with me and he feel no fun in it. I thank him to tell me how he feel about me and tell him I want to play with him. I ask him how he feel if I am not as smart as him but I still want to play with him. He pause and tell me OK. He is doing a project and I tell him I can do the easier part. We are both happy about it.

When checkout, I find these 3 role plays I have challenge me to apply intimacy model technique in different emotional settings. The first member makes me feel the exact fear, power and shocking feelings I experience with my authority friend, the 2nd member interprets the feelings of insanity, hard to figure out what he is doing, and the 3rd member displays superiority and makes me feel inferior. I get opportunity to embrace these feelings and try to create rapport in each of them. It's really a good process and I thank tribe members and Ed to help me in this process.

Then the 3rd member plays his situation with his wife. Ed points out that his pattern now is that he keeps delivering promises and not pay attention to feelings. He practices on sharing feeling with his wife. When the wife start to cry, Ed says " hold the woman", " don't hold back". The member does so.

The last process involves a lot of talking about the religious issue in the member's family. I feel it's a sophisticated issue and not as simple and clear as what we do in a usual Rock Process. But I feel a strong feeling of impact and pressure the member has from his religious of family. Ed says that, with such deep impact, we usually need a external ritual ceremony to break the ice. The member says he needs to "rip it out of himself". And we discuss something like a special baptism, or a waxing of "ripping". In the morning of the second day, we carry the member to the Coral Beach ocean and drop him into the water. It's a good experience and I feel the process is still going on.

It's a great meeting and I thank you for hosting the meeting and help me to grown. I thank all the members in the tribe and wish all the best to you and all members!

Thanks,

Revises Priorities

Chief,

This is the revised priority list:

TTP training(tribe meetings, Real-time application of Intimacy-Model on relationships and everyday life, FAQs).
Back Testing
Trading.

Thank you for the input.

What is a trophic cascade and how exactly do wolves change rivers?

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=ysa5OBhXz-Q&feature=youtu.be

In the interest of full disclosure—no elephants where harmed in the writing of this e-mail :)

You know the saying—that old adage which goes something like this...

"…How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time…"

Well, lately, thanks in large part to The Trading Tribe, I've been chewing on an awful lot of elephant. Yum… So good!

Tasty morsel after tasty morsel, juicy transformative nugget after juicy transformative nugget—ever so slowly and methodically working my way through the Trading System Project (http://www.seykota.com/tribe/TSP/) of your site.

And then yesterday it happened.

My whole world shook as I stumbled upon the cliff-hanger you left at the bottom of the page. Much to my dismay, 13 whole life transforming, prosperity enriching lessons live there, suspended in time (or what we perceive time to be) by their dreary grey font and no links.

Now, based on what little information I've come to know about you via your site & FAQ's, I can only imagine that this is absolutely intentional.

Naturally, it begs the question, "why"?

Mr. Seykota, I promise you that I am not looking for free & easy. I am merely on a quest for the next steps—you know, the next small bite in this massively exciting world of "The Trend".

Any suggestions?

Should I buy your book(s)? Just say the words and it's done!

Should I join you on a tropical island? A little tougher—but defiantly within the realm of possibility…

In all seriousness and sincerity—I do appreciate your response to this friendly note!

All the Best,

Small Elephant or big plate.

Attribution

Would you tell us who are your favourite music composers / performers?

Perhaps what kind of music helps in your trading?

What are the songs you like best? Anything about music? Tell us more about music please:)

PS. Other than the noted Whipsaw Song of course, and the banjo power:

during a vacation, my son (16) reveals me that the predominant feeling regarding me during his childhood was "fear".

I experience deepest pain and shame. I tell him that I feel very sorry about the way I acted, and ask him if he wants to hit me or to get back at me somehow for the way I acted.

He answers "it would make no sense, that guy does not exist anymore, you are a different person now".

The next day he tells me that he wants to move in to my appartment and leave his mother. He mentions that the way I interact with people leads to better, nicer results than his mom´s way. It is, in his words, "the only way that makes sense if you want a good relationship". My younger son (9) is also moving part-time to my house. My daughter prefers to stay with my ex-wife.

I experience joy and anticipation about this development. I also experience sadness and pain, for I would like my children to have a nourishing, supportive, caring and loving home at their mother´s place. With my girlfriend we want to show them listening, accepting, caring and supporting as an alternative to shouting, pushing around, hiding feelings and controlling people.

Best regards,

I sort out my current priorities in trading related work, the order is from High to low:

TTP training (Tribe meetings, every day applications, FAQs).
Back Testing
Trading.

Thanks,

Ed,

You might like this.

http://youtu.be/Y0nDhQEIdSQ

Ed,

We meet at Ed's condo in Puerto Rico. The trip is long and the flight is crammed full so I'm glad I arrive a day early and get some rest. I stay at the Hampton Inn near Ed; it's a $13 fixed-fare taxi ride from the airport and short walk to Ed's condo. We meet on the 4th anniversary of Ed's 17th birthday.

Check-in feelings // check-in results of this series // I have a pretty good list of accomplishments from this series and read them off to the group. I also have a few failures that I continue to work on.

Issues to work on: Reframe a terrible childhood event. A childhood rejection by his father. "Turtle" wants to come out. Gaming every business and personal transaction. Rejected by smarter buddy in grade school.

● 1st process—Hotseat is upset that he can't keep up with the pace of work. Tribe helps Hotseat develop a form, amp it up and recall a critical incident: his father takes him fishing and leaves him to go to the end of the pier and fish by himself. He is sad and shuts down. We give him proactive responses: establish rapport with his Dad and tell his Dad what he wants. We role play the event 3X and the Hotseat has better outcomes.

I order pizza for 7 PM—I forget we are on "island time" and it arrives 20 minutes late—this is right on time since the 1st process ran over a bit.

● On the flight down I recall that my mom used to call me a turtle because I would figuratively hide my thoughts and feelings from others like I was in a shell. I ask to work on that as my issue. Ed instructs me to get on the floor like a turtle and then come out of my shell and convince each tribe member to help me with this process. It is physically uncomfortable but I manage to do so. Then Ed says "OK, if you want to complete this process you have to agree to do exactly as I say." I think about it and then I agree. Ed says "Go around to each member and do exactly as they ask."

The first tribe member asks me to kneel in front of him, extend my arms up beseechingly and repeat "I want you" over and over. As I do so he angrily & scornfully rejects me over and over. Next, I'm asked to do a sexy dance. I complete this task and leave the details to my fellow tribe member's reports. Next I'm asked to do a 3-minute bent-legs squat. It's quite painful and the tribe tells me I'm doing it wrong and the timer started late. Somehow I endure and complete it. The next tribe member has me wash his feet and the next has me make up and sing a rhyming rap song that features each member's name. I complete the tasks and we check out on this process. Tribe members agree that I do better "out of my shell" than in it. It feels better to me, too.

A loud beachside party starts at the Intercontinental Hotel next door. The sounds of Earth, Wind & Fire's "September" carry up to us on the 5th floor.

● Hotseat recalls studying modern physics and a fellow student he looks up to ridicules him and shouts at him. We run a role playing process similar to the "fishing" process above and the proactive responses are the same: establish rapport and tell his friend what he wants. As we role play three times the Hotseat's responses improve.

[ I express my feelings // I ask for what I want // I establish rapport // I'd like to know how you feel about… // What do I want? ]

● Hotseat takes as much as he can from each business transaction. He uses the float when paying bills. He asks for extensions. Thinks it won't matter to big corporations. But also seems to do this with his wife. We role play with tribe members as surrogates for his wife. Over and over, the Hotseat tries to control the process and make deals — we cut him off: Just share feelings and ask about her feelings. In one role play, the wife breaks down and hides her face in her hands. It is a poignant moment and I feel like the Hotseat should reach out and hold his wife. He does not. The tribe member steps out of her role and declares: "Don't hold back! Hold her!" We like the sound of that.

● Next Hotseat made a bad deal when he was a boy. His mom beat his brother and out of fear he made a religious deal that precluded worldly success now for certain heaven later. [We discuss that politicians and religions use this structure: costs now (taxes or tithes) and rewards in some future somewhere. In some deal-making, it pays to get as much as you can now and delay paying it off as long as possible.] Hotseat feels bound by this deal and doesn't know how to "get out of it." Ed says he can offer Hotseat a new deal: {Heaven is now. There is no mention of limits on success. And you can get out of it anytime you'd like.} Hotseat likes this deal better and agrees to switch from his old deal to this new one. I ask to speak to the part of him that "enforced" the old deal. Is that part comfortable with the new deal or will it continue to nag Hotseat about the old deal? Ed suggests asking that part if it would like to switch to the role of enforcing the new deal and an agreement is reached. In light of the religious aspect of this process we suggest some sort of baptism on the beach is in order tomorrow AM.

● We do a final checkout for this series of Austin Tribe meetings. I feel good about the progress I have made and I thank my fellow tribe members for assisting me with this.
Post PR Meeting Notes—8Aug'14

● Friday—I obsess over traveling and a fellow Tribe member with a lot of experience tells me he plans his trip well and then stays in the now, open to possibilities.

● We do a walk along Coral Beach at 8 AM. Ed says using his ranch for Austin Tribe meetings is OK. Another tribe members say three members is enough to keep a Tribe going.

● We "baptize" our fellow tribe member after the walk: four of us pick him up, walk into the sea, and drop him in. His old deal is washed away and he fully assumes the new deal: Heaven is now, be as successful as you can be, change the deal any time you want.

● I ask about doing more role playing and fewer Rocks processes. Ed remarks that veteran tribe members don't need the explicit steps of the Rocks process as much as newer members. Also, Rocks processes take longer than role playing processes so more role playing processes can be done at each meeting.

● You are not "going" anywhere. This is it. Stay in the eternal moment of now. Be Here Now.

● After my dance last night, Ed suggest I might look into opportunities at Chippendales. I hear three syllables and think to myself "Toast-mas-ters". And I get to keep my clothes on.

● A fellow tribe member's business requires lots of forms and trust. Some of his clients are so wary of being scammed that their fears seem to activate the under-Fred network making their fears come true. For example: cancelling a check because it hasn't arrived and may have been stolen, issuing a new check, then the 1st check arrives—it's no good anymore since it's been cancelled, wait for the 2nd check to arrive, etc.. Other clients without worries breeze through the same process. One of Ed's friends was sick and no doctor or therapist could help him. Ed said he wanted to be sick and when he wanted to be healthy he'd be that, too, which is what happened. Everybody gets what they want. I want to be a turtle. When I stop wanting that then I'll be free of the limits it puts on me.

● Fellow tribe members remark on my outgoing behavior today. I explain that introverts have off & on. No dimmer. I'm so used to being off that I only know full on… I'll get better at moderation.

● My turtle shell has magically folded up into a seashell on Coral Beach. I leave it there. I can come back and get it any time.

● I have a pain in the neck after my flight home. Now that I'm more aware of the close mind-body link, I will ponder 'Pain in the neck". Who gave that to me? What critical event?
What I Learned

● Stay in the Now – Fred-ian drama takes me out of the now and messes things up.

● I=R so examine my Rs to see what my Is are. Very powerful tool and humbling, too.

Is there any chance to take a trading course from Ed Seykota?

Thanks.