May 20, 2014

Cleaning Your Glock

Ed,

Even if you don’t own a Glock, you might find this very informative.

I have watched it a half dozen times. I do gun shows and even if you don't own a Glock you will want to watch this video with audio narrative.

I like to watch people who know what they are doing, so I think I'll watch it again.

http://www.youtube.com/v/E1m6Qct68wo%26rel
%3d0%26hl%3den_US%26feature%3dplayer_embedded

May 20, 2014

Recognizing Patterns

Ed,

My research into viewing the market as feedback mechanisms, switching between negative and positive feedback on a long-term chart, had some results today.

My first step after building some pendulum models was to look into a filter on long term trends where I could determine whether markets are "pendulum-like".

My process was to take the market position and "reverse solve" for R (pendulum length), g (gravity) and mu (friction). This involved some simulation to estimate these parameters. I used a least squares approach as the maximum likelihood formulas were a little beyond my current mathematical skills.

My results were that this approach does not work as I currently constructed it. I believe that this is the case because the error assumptions necessary to solve the systems of equations are not satisfied by a fractal process. I may revisit this in the future as I develop more experience working with price patterns and the derivatives of price and time.

I view this as progress as I now focus on developing my pattern recognition further. Looking for patterns in the price data and not using a filter creates new challenges but I am excited to tackle these.

Thank you for posting the information on your site regarding pendulums and thank you to the tribe members who posted very clear write-ups about the modeling of feedback systems.

May 20

Running Govopoly Models on Windows 7

Ed,

My computer uses Windows 7 and Internet Explorer 11.

Java up to date and Security set to Medium.

ActiveX Filtering now disabled.

All systems go!

May 20, 1014

Wants to Join a Tribe

Ed,

I am a trader from [City]i and noticed on the site that there is a Tribe here...

I wanted to know if I could get some contact info for the Tribe and get involved.

please let me know any information I need to join.

Thank you!

May 20, 2014

More on Refrigerators

Dear Ed:

The 3rd refrigerator was remove last week and the 4th one will be shut down today.

Through this process I have had several aha's. My wife has been more co-operative than I imagined.

In the past the cycle would run - my wife who has an hoarding issue would hoard, I would first reason with her, then complain and finally get upset, then I would apologize and nothing would happen.

In the past, I felt taking action was a violation of our marriage, but now I feel that not taking action is a violation.

Now I feel emboldened to attack bigger problems around the house - like our garage that is full of stuff - some of these boxes have not been opened for 20 years and they have moved across multiple state boundaries.

I am still puzzled about my wife and her process. I also now know that if she gets mad, thats not a reason to stop the cleaning process.

Thank you for your help.

May 19, 2014

Dealing with Adversity

Dear Ed,

I wonder what I want from this letter to FAQ. I struggle to write it, much more than I usually do.

Depression messes with me since the skiing accident in which I break my hip, now over two months ago.

I can't recall feeling so out of control in my life before this.

My resilient personality can always keep me afloat - I do just fine during my recent bout with cancer - and though I'm still afloat I feel like I'm taking on a lot of water!

My good fortune in discovering TTP in the past two years helps me enormously in supporting my freedom to feel the depression if that's what I feel. I don't have to "struggle" with it, perhaps simply dance with it.

I feel very strange about embracing this painful process, and yet I can see that I am learning to do that and I feel happy about that!

Even sadness has a beauty when you know you are connected to all of life and to everyone else. I understand this now and I can accept how crummy I feel sometimes without having to get rid of the feeling.

At the same time, I now see an aspect of my personality that hides behind my over-achiever mentality. I am okay as long as I do everything very well. I have some leeway (for instance, I don't have to be the best), but I definitely must not lag behind the curve!

So the limitations that I must accept in order to recover are the very weapons that depression uses against me. I am learning to say, "Yes, that's true, I can't do so many things any more". Telling myself that I will, eventually, be able to do most of those things doesn't help when I feel this way.

I want to share my happy ending to this letter and there isn't one. I actually feel kind of good about that...I don't have to feel better and "do well" in order to be worthy of receiving attention and caring.

Best wishes,

The picture (More On Whys Guy) scares the s--it out of me. It immediately reminds me of an early incident. One dark, quiet night, when I was young kid, I run into a older neighbor girl. When she turns around and faces me, I see the same face as on the picture (she has some makeup on her face). It horrifies me and I cry.

Thanks,

May 19, 2014

Setting Boundaries

Ed,

You might like this.


It claims to come from the answering machine of an actual High School in Australia.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0

May 19, 2014

Still More On Whys Guys (see previous)

Dear Ed,

Thanks for your comments and pointing my issues out to me. It is very revealing and it opens my eyes. Your pictures are quite telling too! My wife tells me she is a lot more beautiful though! :) However she is supportive of my process for which I am grateful.

Your book, The Trading Tribe, arrived today and I start reading it. After I finish reading the book, I will look into how to start a Tribe here in [Country]. I am excited about this as I feel that it helps resolve my issues and hopefully also help others.

Thanks again for your insights!

Best,

May 18, 2014

Govopoly Models

Ed,

Are the Govopoly Models working on your computer?

The models do not run on my (two) computers.

Latest version of Java downloaded and security level set two medium on both computers.

Other Java programs work fine on both computers.

Regards.

May 18, 2014

More On Whys Guy (see previous)

Dear Ed,

Thank you for your responses!

Apologies for failing to see that my initial response was posted!

Thank you for your answers, they are much appreciated and helpful!

As I check your answer to my second post I feel that you mis-understand me as I don’t think I feel rejected. However as I further think about your answer I remember that you say that intentions = results. And my result was that I asked “why was my post not uploaded” and therefore my real intention must have been me feeling rejected.

Wow, this stuff is subtle. I now even remember reading the TT-article where it says:

“No direct questions, especially why”

And I start of my mail to you with asking “why”.

I remember I check this website almost daily to see if my post is up-loaded and I never see it. In writing this comment I feel embarrassed; however in thinking further I realize that my FRED staged a drama to ask for attention. Before I send my previous response, I check it several times and even sleep over it to make sure it is good. Still my FRED gets his way.

I ponder further, I feel my body is tight and tense, I remember my wife hits me and bites me. I feel lonely as my wife does not want to talk about it. I don’t talk about it, I just started my own business and have no time. Also I feel embarrassed as I am a man and I get hit by a woman. I feel surprised; I never think this bothers me so much. I feel somehow positive, I feel optimistic that I realize an issue that I have and that I can now start and try to resolve.

Thank you Ed for pointing this out to me!

I think about Ed’s response to my first post DIM vs Tribe. Especially after Ed’s response and the picture of the cat that represents me, I feel respect for the subtlety of my FRED. As I sent my why-comment I am completely not aware of my FRED’s intentions and do not see myself that I have an issue with rejection.

I decide to follow Ed’s advice and try to attend a couple of Tribe meetings. Problem, I live in [Country] and there is no Trading Tribe here. I might attend a meeting on an upcoming overseas trip, I decide to contact that Tribe.

Best,

May 18, 2014

Mandroid

Dear Ed,

thank you for posting the video of Mandroid. I like your music and enjoy it again and again. On Tue, 23 Dec 2003 "Snapshot: Wake Up" and on Sun, 27 Nov 2005 "A Musical Request" you post a beautiful song from you which brings me memories of car drives from Reno to Incline Village with a feeling of excitement and anticipation. I would like to play this song but I cannot get the lyrics and the music together.

Best regards,

May 16, 2014

Subtle Changes

Hi Chief,

After my last hot seat process, I notice some changes in my behavior. I make good progress at my work. I am able to communicate more freely with my bosses as well as colleagues. One of my fellow worker, that I have been unable to work alongside with, but last week he invites me to work with him on resolving an issue on a server. I also notice, he mentions me several times in his emails. I have friendly conversations with one of the managers at work, who tells me that he is a car enthusiast and shows me pictures of his classic cars and the work he has done on them.

I still have feelings of annoyance when my house mate wants to engage me in conversations at inappropriate times, at times when I am not feeling to converse with him. However, I am able to listen to him. Since the last meeting I had been calling my mother regularly and have long conversations with her, where previously I used to avoid her need phone calls. These conversations has changed my relationship with my mother, and after listening to her many times, I feel I understand her needs now.

thanks

May 16, 2014

Back Test Results

Ed,

Here are my first results at doing better back tests. I stepped my current system through 39k combinations of test start & end dates and the results were encouraging. Background, Methods, & Results follow. I’d appreciate any thoughts you might have and I’m happy to meet early again if you’d like to talk.

I’m not sure if this is FAQ material – post or discard as you see fit.

Backtest Methods

I use weekly bars and, for these tests, I used my system as it currently trades: same parameters and instruments.

For the 10.4 years of ETF data that I have, I stepped the start dates forwards a week at a time for five+ years and the end dates backwards a week at a time for five+ years.

So going forward from 31-Dec-04 I stepped forward from 0 to 272 weeks (a bit more than 5 years) AND going backwards from this week (16-May-14) I stepped backwards from 0 to 272 weeks.

That’s 273 X 273 = 74,529 tests.

Within these 74k tests, I skipped those that had less than 5 years of data.

Picking five years is a tricky decision. If I go shorter I will have many worse results that mostly cover the Financial Crisis. But I will also have many better results with excellent MARs because they entirely avoid the crisis. Given the 10.4 years of data that I have, I thought five years was a good pick.

That yields the 39,549 tests summarized in the table below.

Results

Summary Stats for the 39k backtests

CAGR -- There are no negative returns for any of the 39k tests, the CAGR 5th percentile is +8.50% so 95% of tests did this well or better. The median CAGR was +11.68%. No negative returns is probably due to the interaction of (1) this 10.4-year period, (2) a five-year minimum test length and (3) a decent trend-following system.

MAR – 95% of the MARs were 0.42 or greater with the median MAR at 0.60.

MAXDDPCT – max Drawdown percent – The worst drawdown was -30.50% and 95% of the drawdowns were -20.60% or better. The median drawdown was -20.40%.

LENDDMON – Max drawdown length in months – The longest drawdown was 23.4 months and 95% of the drawdowns were 22½ months or less.

Discussion

I’m encouraged by the results – all of the stats look good to me – however I understand that the last ten years have mostly been a bull market in my securities.

Here is a comparison of my system with the 39k medians:

My system: CAGR = 12.42%, Max DD = -20.6%, Max DD Length = 22.5 months, MAR = 0.60

39k median: CAGR = 11.68%, Max DD = -20.4%, Mad DD Length = 22.3 months, MAR = 0.60

My current system’s DD depth, DD length, and MAR are in line with the medians of the 39k tests. I feel good about that.

But my system’s CAGR of 12.42% is 0.74% higher than the median CAGR of the 39k tests at 11.68%.

Perhaps I should scale back my expectations of the CAGR of my system to the 39k median.

My next step is to get more data. There are indexes underlying the ETFs I use. Getting historical data further back and step-testing on that is what I’ll do next.

Thanks, again for looking at this.

I’m open to any and all feedback.

May 16, 2014

Hughes Lake Tahoe Home for Sale

Ed,

You might like it ... on the market for $19.5 million.

May 16, 2014

Freedom

Ed,

Please listen to this gift of music. The title of this song means "Not so free". Govopoly revisited. I'm kind of sure the anguish there transcends linquistic barriers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDEyB6h4_jw

Next time I'll send you a photo of my 2 year old relaxing at Tahoe Lake, blue water, big white stones, green trees and everything:)

May 16, 2014

Tribe Meeting Report - Reconnecting with His Wife

Ed,

We arrive and everyone looks and talks hot. Two members have trading problems - one has a 9% drawdown in the last month due to not following his system, another has 6 losing trades in a row after a major increase in account size beyond his plan. Another feels horrible that he achieved one of his dreams (living at the surf beach and going surfing) and feels empty and disappointed "is that all there is". I feel battered after a weekend workshop with a lot of socializing that leaves me feeling tired, tense, drained and socially inept. I confidently expect some rip-roaring hot seats.

After exercises we audition for hot seats. As usual this takes quite a while. I try to push it along and one member (9% drawdown) gets very testy about it after we repeatedly bring him back to "OK what is the feeling then?". I also say "<person> predicted a month ago this would happen - this pattern of doing well for a while then losing the plot - how does it feel?". The response is lots of material about processes and plans and daily routines etc.

We decide that the out-of-towners can go first.

First the man with the 6 losing trades mentioned above. He gets very heated very quickly. The Process Manager - people appoint their own process manager - lets him cool down after the first iteration. I suggest that we try again and go for a Rocks Process - identify a situation at the height of emotion. It always feels "too soon". We do another iteration and he identifies a situation where he feels the same way. His mother sends him to his room after an imaginary offense - a common scenario in his life - and he feels very frustrated as he does with the trading. However he thinks that he does not have a Rock. He just feels frustration in both situations. He has a good relationship with his mother post his earlier hot seat and in fact takes her out to lunch the other day because he feels like it - something inconceivable only a month or so ago.

He realizes he needs the trading to be successful due to limited options elsewhere, and he has put vast effort into it, losing big money ($1m+) along the way. He thinks he experiences normal frustration given the situation and there is no rock. He says he feels a lot better.

Second Hot Seat feels a lack of feeling as per his underwhelming experience surfing on a perfect day as above. We try and fail to get it going. At this point PM should kill it for lack of willingness in my opinion. This issue of emptiness and lack of goals recurs with this member. A while back I send him material on finding your goals but he doesn't work through it. I suggest he commit to coming up with a set of goals within 2 weeks or to do something he doesn't want to do. He commits to do this and otherwise he will give $100 to his most hated organization. I notice in his hot seat report the commitment comes across as a lot vaguer than what I write here.

As we check out the member who became testy earlier on thumps his chair in anger after being cut off by the meeting manager. We offer him a hot seat about the topic. He declines. I feel worried about him.

We agree that every tribe member is authorized to call out side-tracking that gets away from the feelings.

Lessons learned: We need to terminate hot seats for lack of willingness. We need to keep the focus relentlessly on our feelings. I think maybe people should not appoint their own process manager. Maybe the meeting chairman should appoint the PM.

From my weekend away I have homework to push the limits of my comfort zone each day. I do this by approaching people in the street to do a survey I have been wanting to do for a long time - which invokes shyness. I hope that this keeps the heat on my issue. Strangely enough as I walk around I find people even approach me as though they know I want to talk to them. We have a lot of laughs and people are very friendly. Every day I need to push it a bit further. By definition it should always be a stretch.

I go for a walk with my wife. It is a beautiful Autumn (Fall) day here. During the walk I approach some people as I describe above. My wife comments on the recent changes in me and how they amaze her. She tells me how much she loves me. I tell her this day reminds me of a day long ago in year 12 in High School, when I feel that I finally have it all together. I fall in love. I feel briefly happy, then it falls apart. I tell her I feel as happy today but it doesn't feel fragile this time; it feels real.

May 15, 2014

More On Toys (see previous)

Dear Ed,

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I remember collecting toy cars as a child, my dad buying them for me. They are all different versions of a Porsche car. One day, my dad comes into my room and, although my cars are neatly organized, grabs them and takes them out of the room. I am already older and do not play with them anymore, yet I still feel violated. I do not say anything. I am afraid of my father and feel guilty to speak up as he does take care of me and supports my bodybuilding dream by buying a lot of supplements and food for me.

I notice that now as an adult I am currently in a snarled business relationship. I do business with another fellow. He calls his business his and my business ours. He makes his deals for himself and we share my deals. I do agree and assist to create the snarl. I do not like it and work on getting things straightened out. I notice a pattern of relationships like this throughout my life and know I have boundaries and ownership definition issues.

I welcome your response to my report. I enjoy reading it and I appreciate you stimulating the discussion on this subject.

Back to the dealing with my kids.

The older one (8) plays with his toys and puts them away sometimes. At other time I put them away, my wife or thy stay out. Most of the toys in our house are his and he shares them with his younger brother (2), most of the time. We teach him to be a good sharer, since I can remember. I can now see that it has most likely weakened his abilities to define boundaries and establish ownership. His younger brother (2) often takes his stuff and is good defending his rights to it. My older son (8) doesn't know how to protect his toys. Whenever there is a conflict, the younger is great at claiming "a toy" as his and protecting it, and the older one struggles. Before the breath-work I would offten explain to my older son that his brother is only two and that he should let him use the toy. I would send my older one to find another toy. This never feels right yet that is what I do.

Now I handle the situation differently. If the young brother is attempting to take the toy from the older brother, I coach my older son. I suggest to him to react with a similar behavior as the two year old. When the two year old is protecting toy he puts it behind his back and says "mine" repeatedly. He says it like he means it. When my older son attempts it, it takes a while to get going but when he finally means it, the two year old responds to it and goes looking for another toy - not crying or acting out.

Now back to the 90% of toys removal situation.

I think that after the breath-work I am having the urge to define my boundaries better. I notice that I have snarled relationships at home and in business. I am tired of the house being messy all the time. My younger son goes around the whole house and takes toys out every day - just about all of them. I clean the toys by putting them in the garage and inform my eight year old son about that. I tell him that I struggle to find another solution right now to keep the house clean. I tell him he can still have the toys, but not all at the same time - he can come and exchange bins and toys within the bins.

I feel a little tingle in my body during the clean up. Now I can see what the tingle is saying to me. I have no right to take my sons stuff. I feel sadness as I write these lines.

My intention is to talk to my son tomorrow (he is now a sleep) and discuss this in detail. I intend to report to you and FAQ about the process.

Thank you for raising the issue Ed, I appreciate you.

Sincerely,

May 15, 2014

Logging Miles and Feelings

Ed,

Thank you for your email. I feel surprise upon receiving it.

I research 'surprise' and write down a few notes.

I note there must be a gap between the rules of the Austin Tribe Series and my assumption of the rules.

I look at the rules and find: "Commit to send a report to FAQ no later than one week after each meeting."

Attendance is irrelevant. The gap in my assumption is obvious to me. I begin immediately on my report.

-----

Since the April 24 tribe meeting, I start a daily log to record my thoughts and feelings during the day. I use email on my phone to do this as it is handy throughout my day. I send email to myself every evening. I notice in a short time I am more aware of my feelings and more aware of them throughout the day.

I ride a long ride in the mountains with a friend. I decide beforehand I do not want to make this ride hard physically or mentally. I want to ride with my friend the entire time. I want to have a good ride. I decide to listen to Fred and go with the flow during the ride. Somewhere during the ride I have an aha. Feelings Exist. Understanding and accepting my feelings as Fred's way of communicating to my conscious mind now becomes easier.

I begin a catalog of feelings and their positive intentions. I begin collaborating with a fellow tribe member on this. I find collaborating with him inspiring and motivating.

I am behind where I want to be on my Tribe project. I notice I awake one morning feeling annoyed about the day's equity trades in an account. I research annoyance and find it is "an unpleasant mental state characterized by such effects as irritation and distraction from one's conscious thinking."

It means something is distracting me. Namely, trading equities in an account. I realize what I really want is to trade futures. I do not want to trade equities. I decide to liquidate all open positions the next morning in the account and see how I feel. I feel joy and lite from exiting all positions. I trust myself that I am doing the right thing. In my head, Ed asks, "What do you want?" In no uncertain terms I write my answer in my log.

After a lengthy telephone conversation with Ed, I decide to start learning C# and "deal with reticent of programming." I download Visual Studio Express to start, and locate a tutorial online. I commit six hours to C# before the next tribe meeting.

Many thanks Ed.

May 15, 2014

Going Faster by Slowing Down

Hi Chief,

I realize couple incidents might relate to my March 27 Austin Tribe meeting hot seat process, to slow down.

Two weeks ago I have to add the refrigerant to my wife's car. I need to finish it before next morning. It is late in the evening and I just bought the refrigerant. I feel hurry. I have done this couple times before.

After I get home, I rush to the sofa and sit down and read the instructions. I read all the steps in the instructions and finish the job easily. Somehow one detail of the operation stays in my mind, "keep the lid in a safe place". I don't remember anything about the hot seat when I am doing my job. And only a week later after I do this job, I happen to see the connection between the way I do this job and the hot seat I have in March.

Last Saturday I clean the filter of my swimming pool. I have done it once before. This time before I start, I write down all the steps, and I print it out and carry it with me when I do the job. I don't have the hot seat in my mind either this time and it naturally happens. Now I realize the possible connection of this and the training I receive on the hot seat.

This morning, to intentionally test my hot seat power, I do a massage on my belly (repeatedly rub cycles around my belly button), to see if I pick up speed unintentionally after a while, as I usually do. I start slow and basically I am able to keep the speed down, when my mind starts wandering. It's not very slow and obviously not as fast as before. I feel some confusion or disorientation. I wonder why I still feel disorientation. It's interesting experiment.

So far I don't remember many incidents in which I jump the gun or shoot my own feet... The only one thing is that I once lock the gate to the side yard behind me when I mow the front yard, and the next time I pay attention.

Thanks,

May 15, 2014

Flame of Wonder

Hi Chief,

[Gang] and I both wonder what the animated flame on the FAQ index means.

Thanks,

May 15, 2014

Workshop

Ed,

Dear Ed Seykota,

I really enjoy your website and also your podcast done with M.Covel -is your new book avaliable in bookstore or only on your website?
Also I noticed on your website u had a workshop in 2013 in US ...can anyone enroll or sign for your workshop (if there is one in the future) and most of this workshop conducted in US? Guess u will not travel to Asia?
Are these workshop same as your TTP tribal meetup?
Again thank you for your time and always enjoyed your works.

regards,

May 15, 2014

Boundaries

Gosh Ed...

thanks for the reply. I would just love to learn think and breath Trend Following. i get in too early and get out too early.

I am just a sole guy here 100% Service Connected Disabled Vet and i fell for a scam by [Name] ... he is in Federal Prison but i can't figure out how to get the remains of the 200k he stole from me and he took in 73 million.

I was hoping that [City] had a number of your followers but looks like I am wrong again on that account.

I am about to sign up for Michael Covel's Trend Following but reading his book...I got hooked on how u process...and would like to incorporate your processing into the way i process so getting in and out of the market would be more fruitful and satisfying.

I have to start nearly at the bottom of the barrel...so parting with 3k for Mike Covel's trend following will leave me with enuf to buy a few call options on something.

so that is all i had whirling in my head.

I have had a life like yours poor parents my dad dove off a diving board when i was 4 and was in a slew of hospitals until i was 11...then he was sent home. and it was up to my mother and i to tend to him...i had to be home daily after school to do my shift while mom waited tables she had the day shift. we did this for 22 yrs. a very long toll to pay for one man's mistake of not knowing how deep the water was before he jumped off the diving board.

we found out later it was only 5ft deep. Bob Woodward's dad, Al, was our attny Bob is now taking care of his dad and Woodward and Bernstein are not writing books any longer as a team. they are on their own as u may well know.

So if im too far gone say so...i will find somewhere else to learn this amazing system and i hate calling it a system its not but for lack of another word...

I sure appreciate your time and your consideration in reading my first email and hope that this one isn't way too long...errrr

thanks

May 15, 2014

Sign of the Times

Ed,

You might like this ...

Welcome Sign

May 15, 2014

Austin Tribe Report

Ed,

I continue with my weight program, including willingness to experience the feeling of hunger. By noticing the difference between sadness, lonelines, boredom, anger and hunger, I learn to eat less in response to the former and more in response to the latter.

I also notice a change in the composition of the ready-meals at my supermarket. They now seem to contain additional MSG that shows up in me as bloating, muscle ache and general malaise.

All in all, I notice more energy and a much easier time moving around.

Down Trend 7.66% in 2 months.

I also notice a corresponding reduction in the amount of paper on my desk as I develop a taste for getting things off my desk, rather than procrastinating to avoid having to make uncomfortable decisions.

I like the feeling of seeing less paper and more wood.

I notice making some new connections with people with similar interests and enjoying activities with them.

I wish to acknowledge my Tribe for supporting me in these areas.

May 15, 2014

Austin Tribe Report May 8, 2014

Ed,

The first Hot Seat is about a Tribe Member who has trouble revealing who he actually is to other people. He goes through the form of taking off a mask. Then he crosses his legs and arms in a defensive posture. We encourage him to open his arms and legs and he is smiling and asking for help. He is still having trouble getting with his fraternity alumni advisory board. He wants help. I can relate because I have trouble opening up to people I just meet. I am uncertain how I will be received. I am usually very nervous and self-conscious.

The next Hot Seat is about a Tribe Member dealing with embarrassment. He describes a situation where he walks into a small restroom and sees a man using the facilities. He shuts down and doesn't know what to do so he goes and uses the toilet next to the man. He gets into forms and remembers a time he is in grade school. There is a young girl who fixates on him. She is always looking at him and following him around. He is angry and he rebuffs her strongly. She is upset. His teacher admonishes him in front of the class for mistreating the girl. She says he is snobbish because he is a top student and is from the city. She says that he is like all other city students because they look down upon kids from the country like the little girl. He shuts down and doesn't respond because he feels embarrassment. We role-play this situation and I play the role of the teacher. I treat this situation with the severity of my mother. As the teacher, I yell at him with much anger. I put him down and put him in his place. The Tribe Member shuts down. Then we role-play sharing feelings. When the Hot Seat asks what my feelings are I tell him I am sad and angry. He shares his feelings and the situation deescalates. He asks the teacher what he should do about the little girl. Her response is to share feelings or come to me and I will take care of it. I can relate because my mother yells at me in front of my family and other people. She always says, "I can do that because I am your mother." I feel anger and bitterness.

The next Hot Seat is about a Tribe Member reading a passage in a book about quant traders. The passage indicates that these traders act like that they know the market better than the market knows itself. They have impressive college degrees and are steeped in high mathematics. They are filled with hubris and think they are invincible to failure. Of course, they fail because they don't control risk since they believe failure couldn't happen to them. The Tribe Member worries he might be like them. He isn't like them because he realizes he isn't impervious to losses in his funds. He uses stops to keep his losses small if the market changes direction. Then the discussion turns toward marketing and the Tribe Member fears his track record may not be very impressive. A Tribe Member who is very successful in trading says when he begins managing trading accounts he needs no track record. He goes to talk to investors and presents his plan himself. They like him and his strategy. They invest small at first and give him a chance. I understand from him that there is always someone who will help you out and give you a start. I find this information encouraging in my own efforts to find a job where I can learn 3D animation while working. Sometimes there are people who turn me down. I feel frustration and discouragement. However, I feel that I am getting closer to finding someone who will give me a chance.

The last Hot Seat, deals with a Tribe Member who is in a partnership with businessmen who understand the deal better than he does. They seem to be bilking him for money at every turn. The Tribe and the Member come to realize that he doesn't understand the arrangement he is in. He understands he must hire an attorney who can get him out of the deal. I can relate to his dilemma. I remember arrangements and deals I make with my family members. Sometimes they are manipulations and they cost me. I remember this situation and I am more careful the next time.

May 13, 2014

Bastrop April 11-14 Breathwork Report:
Removing the Toys & Agreements

Dear Ed,

During Breathwork weekend I work on feelings that come up when I break an agreement. I feel a hollow, empty feeling in my chest which is usually accompanied by a stinging in the same area. I associate these feelings with guilt.

Before Breathwork, I often procrastinate and am seldom present. When I work, I feel guilty about working too much and not being with family enough. When I am with my family, the reverse is true.

During Breathwork, with your kind guidance, I recognize that much of my life is run by my avoidance of the feelings I described above, the feelings I associate with guilt. Of-course, my attempts to avoid these feelings just lead to more of them, all the time.

One month since Breathwork I feel and act different. I feel confident, relaxed, happy, and joyful. I am deeply concerned about keeping my agreements with myself, as well as with others, in line.

I am also noticing that I am deeply affected by the work of other breathers, as well. Over the past month I see many changes in my behavior and relationships with others. Following is a list of things which are happening in my life since Breathwork.

Results based on my own Breathwork

- I experience nirvana like states in whatever I do, whether it is work, exercise, spending time with family. I smile a lot and feel free and happy. I am present at task whether it is being at work, time with family, exercise.

- When I notice that I have an out of line agreement, I have the hollow chest feeling and the sting. I quickly work on getting my agreement in-line again.

- I have a system now when it comes to agreements. The key part of the system is the hollow feeling in my chest and the sting as a warning mechanism that an agreement might be out of line. As long as my agreements are in line I feel confident, strong, happy and free. When agreement gets out of line I feel hollow, unhappy and not free. A good example of this is my broken agreement to provide a report after 6 months from the previous Breathwork experience. Once I notice that I break an agreement, I feel the hollowness and the sting. I do not act on it right away and the hollowness gets stronger and I feel less and less happy. Once I put my agreement in-line by sending the report in, I feel confident and free again.

Results based on Breathwork processes of others.

- Breather deals with an issue of not wanting to read contracts.

After my return from Breathwork I read my taxes documents for a first time. I notice serious errors. I remember being uncomfortable with the accountant, however, she is recommended to me by a family member and is cheap.

- Tribe member deals with an issue to ask and find competent help. (This work is actually done during the tribe meeting on Thursday before the Breathwork.) I fire my accountant who is messing up my taxes and hire a competent accountant.

- Breather deals with an issue of having too much stuff in his house especially when it comes to the amount of refrigerators.

I have two sons. There are a lot of toys in my house and they are everywhere. I buy 10 large bins and take 90% of the toys out of the house. 10% of the toys seem to be enough. Boys actually have more fun as they get to focus on playing with just one toy at a time.

- Breather deals with an issue of protecting his property

My relationship with my stuff feels different. I lock my car everywhere now, which I used not to do, my house is clean, and I am gentler with my stuff.

- Breather deals with his relationship with his son

My older son becomes unhappy easily; he gives up on himself often when tasks seem more challenging and when there is competition. Before Breathwork this bothers me. Now, I accept him and love him unconditionally. He surprises me with being thoughtful, kind and happy. My acceptance of him seems to free him. He also seems more positive now and willing to go for the things he wants. He used to not like to do his spelling homework. As I write these lines he is singing with his mother "Dwindle, dwindle, dwindle!" – as they joyfully practice the word.

There are countless other examples of other experiences in my life this past month, which I attribute to Breathwork. As a trader, I experience many ups and downs and the last few years are not a walk in park. Sometimes I visit dark places and feel a lot of sadness, regret and frustration. At times these feelings seem to feed on themselves, like waves.

Since Breathwork I am riding on some other, much more interesting waves. These are built from a joy of living. What is really cool is that these waves also seem to feed on themselves. I am excited to live, breathe, exercise, work and share feelings. What is even cooler is that I notice how I affect other people around me. I feel warmth in my chest and I picture this great big heart right in middle of it just radiating goodness, joy and love to the world. It just feels so good that I can't even describe it, but it is there and it is fun and I love every minute of it.

Sincerely,

May 13, 2014

Austin Tribe Report - Dealing with Embarrassment / Asking for Help

Hi Chief,

We have 6 members in this meeting on May 8th.

One member checks in his progress on push up, he decides to switch to practice everyday from every other day. One member checks in that he is continue system design, he finished filling the position of his alumni organization. One member checks in in that he and his girlfriend resolved issue between them and they are in good relation now. Ed checks in that his weight comes down, he finishes a program to watch the risk in portfolio, and he is working on a music movie. I check in that my son is now regularly sleeping in his own room and I am closer to my daughter now.

Ed presents us the program he writes. It shows the open risk the account has, positions. It's a handy tool. I use excel table to do the similar thing, manually. Ed also show as us his new music piece, The Perfect Trade. He is putting together a band and make a movie on it. I am looking forward to it.

I report that I continue seeing manifestation of my issue of "freeze" pattern when encounter sudden surprising stress or embarrassment. I give an example of recent happenings in my work place. We have a very small rest room and the ventilation is not very good. So even the rest room is designed for multiple persons to use simultaneously, when one person see another is already in, he usually leaves and comes back later. Most of time when I am paying attention, I open the door a little bit and back off if see someone is there. But for couple times I get in there when my mind is on something else, and after I get in there, I see a coworker is there. I feel panic and petrify. Instead of going out, I proceed and sit on the toilet. this makes both of us more embarrassed, at least I feel so. I just feel frustrated or even curious. When I am caught off guard, why I can't just quickly go back, and say something "Excuse me", like others do. I want to improve my response pattern to such unexpected embarrassing things happens.

One member reports that he has issue to keep up progress on multiple tasks he is working on, and he has problem to ask for help. He feel stress and needs to finish his system design, busy on his work and his alumni association works, and more. I strongly relate to him on this issue too. I also feel spread thin by system design, trading, family and work. He tells the Tribe he feels angry about this situation. Tribe help him get into his forms. He clenches his fist, squeeze his face and bends over. He also grunts and tribe encourage him to make louder voice. Ed says he can't see anger in the client's forms. He sees the client is smiling and asks him to smile more.

So the client makes bigger smile. And the tribe cheers. "Acting more", "fake more smile" "Curl you lip more", the Tribe members cheer. I start to relate this again to my own situations and feelings. "Faking more", I start to see through myself pretending to be busy and actually doing nothing. I recall in period of time when I align well, I do lots of things like doing nothing, everything goes well, effortlessly. When I feel busy, stalled and swamped, I feel having lots of things to do but actually doing nothing. This process makes me feel I am pretending to be busy or whine to be too busy when I am actually doing nothing.

Ed freezes the client's form and the client repeatedly says " I don't recall anything, but I feel much better now". Ed also notices the client cross both arms and legs, and tells him that he has inside resistance. Tribe ask him to do the opposite and he opens up his arms and legs, and yell "Help me!". Ed asks him to explore how it feels to ask for help.

Later Ed summaries that the client still has lots of resistance but he can gain a lot from today's process. I also recall in my local tribe, sometimes it takes up to 4 times of hot seat for a new member to be able to loosen up enough to start recalling early incidents. As long as we keep working on it, we get there eventually.

As a update for this process, yesterday I talk to my wife about my schedule, and she offers to help and we can start to coordinate on chores of playing/study with kids, cook and cleaning etc, so I can get some time daily to continue my system design. She also has some bandwidth to help me on GUI design of the system. It's so easy, just ask for help. I wonder why I didn't try this before?

One member is reading The Quants recently and wants to share with the tribe his feelings about it. That's the book I read few month ago. Somehow I can't finish it and read only one third. The member reads one paragraph of the book. It's a man's statement on how they raise big money by showing their mathematical model to investors. They know it's not working but they sell them for the investors like to hear. The member says that he has confusion that where the line is, between telling the investor about the truth, the risk, and telling what the investors want, some rosy story.

Ed says if the member wants a slow fire when raising fund, or wants a flame. He says the fastest way to get lots of money is to go to D.C. and get money from working with politicians. And what coming together with the money are all crooks (and drama).

I think this process is a very important session for all traders. Probably it's far beyond the significance of all the other matters. The people a trader associates with have enormous influence on his performance and life. If a trader surrounds himself with investors and associates who are not willing to be honest to money, not willing to face the truth, I believe he can't be successful for long.

When it's the time for my problem, Ed asks who is in charge of the rest room and the management structure of my company. I am not sure most of them other than my immediate boss. Ed points out I might have problem with authority. I recall some incidents in my mind and agree. They happens in my previous and current company, where I mess up with managerial persons other than my immediate boss. I don't spend enough time to study the organization charts, or I just don't want to.

One member volunteers to play the president of my company. So I stand up and talk to the big boss. I tell him the ventilation is bad and It's stinky in there. I wonder if some one can have it fixed. The boss agrees to have someone take a look. Ed says I am not using the word "I want", and I forget what word I use. I know I need to say "I want" to give the clear signal of what I want.

Then we role play the rest room situation where I duck to the sudden feeling of embarrassment. One member plays the coworker and stands before the urinal. I open the door and thinking of other things. Ed asks me how I feel when I run into him. I feel exposed, embarrassed and panic. Then I go ahead and hide in the toilet. We pause and I tell Ed that I wonder why I can't just do what other people do, apologize with saying "Excuse me" clearly, and turn around and leave.

Ed says that I mentally close my eyes to the feeling of embarrassment, and I find the nearest place to hide, which is the toilet. I stand there and feel the feeling. Somehow my teacher in junior high comes into my mind. I recall that several times she scolds me in front the class. One time she finds me and asks me why I say go away to a girl. I tell her the girl is annoying, she always looks at me and follows me around, so I asks her to get lost. The teacher then tells me in a very harsh tone to behave myself first. Another time the teacher calls my name in front of class that she hears that I look down the kids from the countryside. I don't agree and feel she always picks on me only because she wants me to be humble, since I am the top student. I feel unfair and she is overreacting and I am embarrassed always being caught.

Then we role play this situation. One member volunteers to play the teacher. I start to get into the situation of being ashamed in front of crowd. When practicing the intimacy approach, I ask how the teacher feels. She tells me that she is angry. I receive her feeling and Ed reminds me also to share with her how I feel, to tell her I don't know how to handle the situation when the girl is around. In fact I can ask the teacher for help in this situation. This goes well, I am able to share feeling with the teacher and turns a harsh criticizing situation into a mentoring process.

Then I share with the tribe that I feel quiet inside, I also feel a little disorientation. Ed tells me it's normal when you relearn a new rock. I also feel hypnotized, and a energy circle surround my chest area. I tell the tribe that I think the process is done and I want to finish and go back to my seat. And I do.

During this process, Ed points out that I have two other entry points, the first is that I have issue with authority, the other is that I often talk fast and people don't understand what I am saying. I realize that many times these two issues are detrimental for me to create rapport with my associates. I plan to bring my feelings of " I don't care about the pecking order, I don't want to look at the organization chart", and "I want to speak as fast as I can, I don't care if you hear clearly" into both local and Austin Tribe meetings.

The last process for today's meeting is for a member who has issue with his business partners. He opens an limited partnership with friends and buys some default debt and loses them all. Now he loses his own money and still owe his friends money. During process, Ed and the Tribe notice the member never answers a question directly, and he always shift around and bring up more complicated information of his story. Ed sense he is doing something he totally know nothing about, and is afraid of facing the situation, and he is "way over his head".

Ed suggests that the member can find a attorney and withdraw from this mess ASAP and get at clean slate to move on. I also feel that I never want to get into that kind of situation. I want to be able to focus on trading, and be away from k-notty persons. It reminds me of my own experience few years ago when I flip houses. I met a slick talking agent and bought a house with a wrong claim of square footage. Every person the agent refers to me are slimy. I fire him eventually and find a very capable and more honest agent.

This is a great meeting and I thank you and tribe help me on my issue. And I also benefit a lot from the other 3 processes.

Thanks,

May 13, 2014

Tribe Report - Indifference and Passion

Ed,

Five members in attendance. We drum for a time. Starting from the left of the meeting manager (a role we rotate each meeting) we each check in and share thoughts for two rounds, then we share feelings for two rounds each, then we show forms for two rounds each. The meeting manager then asks us to take turns explaining any situations they we want to take to the hot seat. The tribe then nominates who they think is hottest.

Tribe member (TM) takes the hot seat after showing very visible forms during the check in process. TM states that he feels fragile post completing a Breathwork course three weeks prior to the meeting. He says his cat escapes, and then returns after a friend leaves the door open. He states that this causes him immense sadness. TM then mentions that he is feeling frustration with his trading results. He attributes this to the current period of whipsaws which is inside the parameters of his system.

He also mentions that this period coincides with him increasing his position size by a factor of eight. This is outside his rules. Process manager asks him to show a form he goes into a very intense and aggressive form - stiffening his body within his chair and breathing heavily and shaking. He reaches a crescendo and goes into a calm state. PM asks him to show forms again and we encourage him whilst he repeats this with some slapping to the top of his head, shaking and heavy breathing. This is the second peak of the hot seat process and PM asks him to freeze it and recall any similar times he feels like this.

He mentions an incident involving his mother who he describes as fiery sending him to his room as a child. This is ironic as it is the exact example in the TTP Extensions document. He states that he copes with this situation by going to his room. His father copes with his mother's behavior by not rocking the boat and rolls with the punches.

TM doesn't consider a rocks process here and goes into explaining another situation involving the disappointment of finishing university, applying for a large number of jobs in a professional field and receiving few interviews and no job offers. He also states that working as a trainee in this field pays less than McDonalds at the time.

After this knock back the TM states that he reverts to a life of crime which ends in jail time. As a tribe we don't complete the rocks process and instead mostly analyze his situation. TM describes that he feels much better after having done the hot seat.


I take the hot seat. I don't feel that hot. I state that I recently move to a new location opposite the beach where I can pursue a passion of mine (surfing) daily. I am looking at my apartment from the water and instead of feeling stoke at being in my dream location I have a general feeling that I can't go on/indifference. PM asks me to show forms and I can't.

Indifference is hard to explore. PM then mentions that I bring similar feelings to a lot of tribe meetings and I might like to explore drifting without purpose. I try and find feelings around this statement and I just can't - I am either not hot or it runs too deep in me. A feeling comes up I get when I enter the lifts for work at my mostly admin government job - a depressing feeling. I don't mention this. I then state that a hardball process may work better.

I explain my problem as I want to wake up and feel like our Tribe leader who roars out of bed raring to go, I mostly just endure and put in the minimum to get by. I mostly feel indifference and not passion. I describe my situation as having multiple average performing part time things on the go with no commitment to one: I am a part timer who takes the easy way out gaming the system.

In my life I am now in a position to pursue whatever I want to - I just can't decide which. Tribe leader provides option to fulfil a commitment to document my passions with plans to achieve them as well as the feelings that come up in this exploration.

This is for me as well as providing material for Tribe to conduct a hardball process at the next meeting. If I don't complete this task I agree to donate $100 to an organization I dislike. I agree to this commitment. I don't feel any different or gain any insights which follows from not completing the process.

We then check out all looking visibly tired. Meeting manager cuts off a tribe member towards the end of the meeting. Tribe member reacts by banging his fists on the arms of his chair. This tribe member mentions previously during the check in that he feels frustration. Tribe gives him the option to conduct a hot seat which he declines.

May 13, 2014

Austin Tribe Report

Ed,

I notice some changes as the meeting starts. I change seats from my usual seat and I notice that or group is the smallest of the series so far. I do not realize until the end of the meeting that this meeting felt different than others. Not worse or better but I observe that the change in the dynamic of the meeting and its structure makes the meeting feel exciting. I wonder about my feelings regarding change. Since change is constant I realize that the excitement of feeling change helps me deal with change positively in my life. I feel this is a small but important observation.

We conduct three hotseats but no rocks processes. I feel a tremendous amount was accomplished in absence of the rocks process. This does not invalidate the rocks process in my mind but I feel invigorated to return to it in the future by giving it a "rest" this meeting. I also feel we cultivated issues that will serve as ammunition for future processes. This feels natural as sometimes nature plants seeds to grow in the future.

The first Hotseat involves a member who feels overwhelmed by tasks at work and at home. He struggles to "tame" his to do list and comes to the group for help. As he is describing his problem I notice that the Hotseat is attempting to share physical feelings. He keeps engaging in forms that feel good to him but the rocks process does not begin. I feel confusion as the conversation begins become stagnant. I ask "what do you want". This impulse drives the conversation. The Hotseat cannot share what he wants. Statements are made like "I want to take off the mask". He is not wearing a mask though. I assume that he believes he is wearing an emotional mask. No progress can be made on what he is hiding and the sharing of feelings is very difficult for the Hotseat. I too have the feeling of communicating what I want at times and I understand the difficulty the Hotseat is experiencing. In the end willingness does not present itself and a seed for future work is planted. I stand ready to receive feelings and support this Hotseat should he choose to revisit this issue.

I take the Hotseat next. I share feelings I have when reading a book about wall street hedge fund managers. The short term results of their "math-turbation" are very strong and I wonder if I make trading and asset management too difficult on myself. The risk-return dynamics of trend following are difficult to market and some clients want to be medicated by elegant mathematical formulas and the "new thing". The group engages in a strong discussion about integrity and which way is truly easier. Through this discussion I see that trading systems based on false mathematical paradigms will create drama for the asset manager. It is a certainty drama will occur it is just a question of when. This is also a characteristic of the control model. I realize that my path is one of client education and clarity about risk. Since I have made a commitment to minimize drama I must follow the path I am on and I thank the group for leading me to this conclusion.

The next Hotseat focuses on the feeling of embarrassment. We discuss the feeling and its positive intention of keeping the feeler in compliance with social norms. Since I have felt embarrassment before I connect with the Hotseat as does the group. We attempt to get the Hotseat to enjoy feeling embarrassment. He if enjoys it he will be able to avoid creating embarrassing situations. We have feel the "freeze" when walking in on someone in the bathroom. The only drama-free way to resolve the situation is to accept the occurrence and focus your actions in the now. This issue may appear small to some but the skill of handling embarrassment can have a measurable positive impact on the individual.

The final Hotseat brings the issue of a complex business arrangement to the group. During this process I feel a great amount of fear for the Hotseat. I think about agreements, both explicit and implicit and how they can create drama if they are not clear to all parties involved. I also wonder about the positive impact in your life of cutting your losses short. I see the drama that can occur if you allow clients to append emotional strings to your written agreements with them. In the end the results are the intention of both parties to an agreement although both parties may not take equal responsibility for them. When you enter into agreements you must accept this fact and be able to manage any drama associated with parties trying to change agreements.

Sharing feelings and sticking to agreements are the best ways I know of to manage this drama. Change in agreements is OK if both parties agree. In the instance that both parties do not agree I believe that the intimacy practitioner must consider ending the relationship to avoid drama. This is consistent with cutting losses short. Everyone incurs losses in their lives, the successful tribe member cuts these losses short per the terms of his/her interface agreements. I feel the group provided a solution to this issue but the solution will be difficult. I desire to receive an update on the Hotseat's experience with his issue. Another seed planted.

May 13, 2014

Breathwork Report: Accepting Judgment

Ed,

I feel a daily challenge and excitement in my quest to enjoy all of my feelings. Feelings pop up and sometimes I can immediately implement my Breathwork training to enjoy, process, feel and understand the feelings my body is producing. Other times, usually in times of intense feelings, I find myself having a delay in recognizing a feeling and its positive intention. I wonder if this is the process or if you can truly become a feelings filter that lets feelings pass right through you. For me I choose to embrace the gray area and realize I want to have the constant challenge in my life to recognize my feelings and their intention. I fear if I truly ever mastered it, I would lose the desire to continue learning about myself and others who come into my life.

When I enter Breathwork, I have some issues with judgment. Both being judged and judging others. Breathwork taught me that not using judgment is a "better way of doing things". I lose much of my desire to judge others. I also become much more accepting of others who embrace judgment. I am less willing to control others and I am accepting of others desire to control me. I do not blame them, often times the control/judgment model is easier to implement and provides quicker emotional gratification. Building rapport and trust takes longer but I view the result as worth the investment. I view this process as a positive feedback system. The less you try and control others and accept others for who they are, the easier it is to embrace the intimacy model. Enjoying feelings provides the flow to this system and I can see the layout of the model very clearly in my mind.

I notice the impact of the intimacy model within my family over the past month. I find it easier to go with the trend when presented with my kids' feelings. I try not to judge and feel I am presenting a better model for them as they mature. It is easier to convey the concepts of acceptance and results when you yourself embrace the intimacy model. I also notice that my wife and I deepen our emotional connection. The frequency of the word "feel" increases in our conversations and the frequency of the work "think" decreases. My desire to share feelings with her also increases.

I notice an emotional teflon my wife has discovered when operating in the control/judgment environment of suburban housewives. My sister phoned my and told me that her daughter was jealous of her other child's birthday party. She did not judge her feeling and attempted to share the positive intention of jealousy to her. I do not take responsibility for the behavior of others in my life but I notice that when I share feelings, others respond. This response is decidedly positive.

For me Breathwork provided a strong impulse to my self improvement. It showed me a better model and a better model is easy to follow. I look forward to testing this model over the next few months and reporting back on the experiences I have.

May 12, 2014

Great in Uniform

Ed,

You might appreciate this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
gZC42c8lMqg&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop

May 12, 2014

Breathwork Report

Ed,

My Breathwork was unremarkable -- I held back when a flushed feeling came up and I slowed my breathing -- I never "tipped over" into a fully altered state.

So I think (feel?) that's why I don't have a lot to report.

Nevertheless (and also perhaps a result of "Tribe"-work) I notice improvement in my feelings.

When I'm asked to do a mundane non-investment task at work, I notice the feelings of annoyance, anger & being flushed. Then I get to work instead of being stuck there. I may cycle through this a few more times but I am more productive and stuff is getting done faster.

I'm also asking for what I want. This following may sound trivial to some but it's a nice step in the right direction. Last week, my university asked me how I'd like my name to appear on a recognition plaque and I replied. Today, I decided I'd like my name another way. I hemmed and hawed and thought that I shouldn't be troublesome. Then I said to myself "Just ask for what you want." and I did. The worst that can happen is they say "No."

Ed, thank you for the Breathwork weekend. I look forward to the next one and fully committing to "breathing".

May 12, 2014

Tribe Report: Shyness, Hesitation and Irritation

Ed,

(This report was sent to the FAQ a few days ago on my behalf, after re-reading and correcting some grammatical mistakes, I am re-sending it myself.)

This week's tribe meeting was one the most beneficial meeting for me so far. After attending a series of meetings and showing hesitation and shyness, this time I was able to get on the hot seat and participate in a role play. After a series of meetings and participation in the process, this time I was able to just be myself and overcome the hesitation that I used to experience.

At the very beginning of the meeting I was feeling both nervous and anxious to get on the hot seat. While participating in another members hot seat I could feel the urge to take my issue to hot seat. When the tribe leader asked if anyone had an issue to take to the hot seat, I replied with, yes I have an issue to take to the hot seat. My issue was the feeling of anger and resentment towards my house mate, who has been violating my privacy and asking me to do things for him that I don't like, especially when in the mornings, when I am getting ready to go to work and he asks me to look at things on his computer and asks me questions his trades. Although I am annoyed by his behavior I am unable to tell him not to do this. Instead I get upset and stop talking to him, not answering his questions. This is the pattern of behavior I follow in other occasions, of shutting down.

We role play this situation. During the role play one of the members performs as my house mate and asks me this things that make me annoyed. I start rubbing my face, heartbeat rising. At this point I am holding my face in the palm of my hands facing down and I hear a voice telling me to stop, freeze. I hold my face looking at the floor, then the same voice asks me, "How do you feel? where are you right now?". Suddenly I am in my room reading my book, working on my homework and I feel the shadow of my father, who is standing behind me, checking on me, entering the room unannounced. This happened often when I was in college studying for exams. My father would come to my room to check on me to see if i was studying and would stand behind me at times. It made me uncomfortable but I would not say anything to him out of respect or fear. As we role play one of the tribe member acts as my father he stands behind me as I am reading my book. I feel the same warmth on my back as I used to. After the process manager asks us to to talk to my father and tell him how I feel about his action. As I am talking to this member (who acts as my father) I am unable to look into his eyes. I proceed by telling my father that his act of monitoring me shows his lack of trust in me. I also tell him that it makes me wonder why you do not have confidence in me while you do not treat the same way my older brother. My father asks so how does that make me feel, I say it makes me feel belittled, disappointed and angry that you do not trust me. He replies that he is doing this only because he loves me and is making sure that I succeed, I ask him how does he feel, he tells me that he feels unappreciated as a father, he further tells me that his love for me also means to be tough. I further ask him why he treats me different then my older brother and he makes me look incompetent in front of the rest of the family and I feel unworthy, unloved and weak. I also ask him how does he feel, he tells me that he is only trying to help me out of his love for me.

I recall that not telling my father the way I feel, is a pattern of shutting down, when [Name] (process manager) asks me who in my family does the same behavior of shutting down. I recall an incidence with my parents. When my mother and father would argue over something (sometime in my presence) and my father would get loud she would stop and walk away. We recognize that she is the rock donor. One member plays the role of my mother and hands me a rock, telling me to 'keep this rock it will protect you in this situation'. I have seen this pattern repeated many times where I will shutdown, stop participating, keep quite and walk away. Now after realizing how this pattern has emerged in me, I want to change it. I try to return the rock to the donor (my mother) telling her that this rock has worked for her but it does not work for me, I and thank her and return the rock. At this point [Name] hands me a different rock to replace it with the first one. Accepting the 2nd rock I feel relaxed and am able to share my feelings more freely.

After the checkout I tell my fellow members that I realize that It takes work and it takes effort change on ones behalf. I appreciate the effort from the fellow tribe members and the little push from our process manager [Name] for me taking the hot seat and showing my willingness.

May 12, 2014

Austin Tribe Report: Asking for What He Wants

We begin drumming at 5PM. We do a feelings check-in and then a "show & tell" progress check-in. I report that I've completed the Support-Resistance Trading Systems Project, matching it to the penny. Other reports include: getting "breathing room" with clients, progress on marketing documents, going slower helps him go faster, an improved relationship with a texting friend, weight is down to 217.6, bipolar son went to jail – he is in a toxic relationship that he probably should get away from, a demo tape for the band has been made.

Ed shows us the new online variation report for clients of his "container"-style investment group. Interestingly, once stops are in place, then more risk is good because it means the trades are getting more profitable (then, in some systems, the stops will slowly rise).

We break for dinner then go around looking for issues: a passage in an investment book angers him, freezing when there is conflict, trust issues, getting "stuck" when planning.

=====

The first process involves a member who shuts down under stress. He walks into a bathroom at work and there is already someone in there. The convention is that he should leave but he mentally freezes and keeps going. Then he feels embarrassed. (The embarrassment HS feels is a good feeling. It's telling him he has violated a social norm.) Also, the bathroom exhaust fan is weak and unpleasant odors linger.

We role play with me as president of his company. HS talks to me about the situation but doesn't ask for what he wants. Simply asking for a lock on the door and a stronger fan would do it.

We role play again with Ed as the president who has to repeatedly ask the HS "what do you want?" HS finally learns to ask for what he wants.

We role play the "walking in" event and give the HS a new response: instead of shutting down, say "Excuse me" and listen to the reply. The person already in the bathroom will, by the tone of their response, tell you if it's OK to stay.

Ed suggests the "bully' issue that has come up in previous hotseats is behind this. We continue talking and several incidents in junior high school come up. They all involve his teacher scolding him unfairly. When this happens, he must quietly take it, i.e., "shut down."

We give him new resources for this situation: instead of shutting down, thank the teacher for the feedback, ask the teacher "please tell me more" and ask the teacher if HS can share his feelings: "I don't know what to do in this situation. Can you help me find a better way to deal with this situation?" Thereby HS turns an attacker into a resource.

Listen, Share Feelings, Ask for Help (Ask for What You Want).

=====

I go next with getting "stuck" when planning my week. I get a feeling of -- "too many things to do" -- "I can't do them all" -- "I don't know where to begin" -- "How do I do this?" "How do I structure my plan?"

(My notes are incomplete since I was in the Hotseat. I have to read other's FAQs to recall the process.)

We shift to asking about my getting my fraternity alumni board going and I relate that I called a couple of them. Ed asks me "What did you ask of them? What do you want?" I don't have an answer.

We get around to me having a hard time asking for what I want. A Tribe member asks me what I want. I give one answer. Ed asks me and I give another answer. Ed asks again and I get flustered and give a third answer. And this is the issue: I won't ask for what I want. I exhibit some forms and we crank them up. I squeeze hard and I have a soft, inky shimmering blackness before me. But no critical incidents come to mind.

I cross my arms and legs tightly and then Ed asks me to extend them all, fingers splayed wide, and ask for help. I do so over and over. Ed says that I conceal my true feelings behind a mask, a smirk. I agree. He asks me if I'd like to take it off. I go through some forms, figuratively trying to take the mask off but it doesn't work. We agree I've got things locked down pretty tightly and that we've made enough progress for now. I will ask for what I want. We check out and move to the next process.

=====

The next process involves a member (HS) who is writing his marketing document and gets angered by a passage in a book he is reading.

The passage is about an investment manager who is doing mean-reversion on stocks during 1999, a very strong year for stocks when mean reversion would fail badly. The manager is quoted as saying his strategy should work, he should be able to take money out of the market when {stocks are mispriced and then mean revert}. But in 1999 they just get further mispriced and he loses big.

HS can't explain why the passage angers him. We ask questions and develop that as HS writes his marketing document he is faced with the dilemma of "sexing it up" and attracting more investment $ in the short term OR "sticking to the facts" and not having to change his story later.

The manager in the book had a sexy process and raised $10B but got clobbered when mean reversion failed. HS may feel that he, too, has to sex up his document to get big money. Ed suggests slow and steady wins the race and sticking to the truth is an easy choice to make.

=====

It is 11 PM. There is one more process but Ed asks the tribe for approval before we go past the agreed-upon 5-11PM time. We do so.

The process involves a member who has investors in a limited partnership. Ed asks him what he wants and the story keeps changing. He wants to buy one out. He has a new deal that he shouldn't have told one of the investors about. He's got $150k total in the deal. He has another $150k in the deal. It's an LP but he think he's personally liable for losses. He seems very confused. Ed asks the tribe if anyone understands the deal. No one does. Ed says the HS is in way over his head and Ed strongly suggests that the HS get an attorney, give the attorney all the papers he has about this deal, tell the attorney he wants out of the deal, let the attorney do all the talking from here on out, and shut this down before it gets worse (which it likely will).

=====

We finish at 11:55 PM

May 12, 2014

Huge Gambling Wins

Ed,

You might like this:
http://listverse.com/2014/05/10/10-crazy-huge-gambling-wins/

May 12, 2014

Breathwork - One Month Report: Trust

Dear Ed

First of all I would like to thank whoever sent the link to TED talk by Brene Brown – it was very inspirational and informative. Here is my one month report

The issue I had wanted to do work during Breathwork is on trust, i.e. that I cannot trust anyone completely. I saw that in the market, i.e. I always thought the market was there to get me and I would get into trades that will prove that point. The price will go to my stop, hit it and then will go in the direction I wanted. In many cases, I didn't trust myself either and I had that inner fear that I will not be successful in the market.

Something happened in the last month that has completely changed that feeling. I will elaborate on that below. After the Breathwork, [Name] was mentioning about his ETF system and he thinks he has a good trading system. Your initial reaction was that he needs to test how his system performs when he changes the starting year. [His] reaction was that he had only few years of data and he doesn't know how he will do that, you didn't say anything but everyone could sense that you had reservations on the system measurement.

Someone mentioned that you could use the indices as proxies for the ETF's. After hearing that conversation I knew that I had to test my system the same way that you had mentioned to [Name] as I had done the same thing as [name] for my system. My system has four ETF's, SLY, SPY, IWM, and QQQ. Since the SLY – Small Cap S&P 600 spyder ETF started trading in Nov. 2005, I did all my analysis from 2006 until mid 2013 to determine my system.

My trading entry points and exit points were based on the DOW theory (probably the first long term trend following system). For the DOW theory signals, I use the approach suggested by Jack Schannep from www.thedowtheory.com. When I came back, I got the index prices for S&P 500 (as a proxy for SPY), Nasdaq (as a proxy for QQQ), Russell 2000 (as a proxy for IWM) and S&P small cap 600 (as a proxy for SLY). I did entry points for different years and saw the performance for 10 years, 20 years, and max (i.e. beginning of that year until April 2014). I compared each result with the buy and hold approach.

I have attached the results in the attached Excel file. My goal here was to focus on the bliss function, i.e. whether I am happy with the DOW approach or buy & hold. The amazing thing was that except for the 10 year period from 1975 in S&P, the bliss is higher in every case. In most cases, the CAGR is also higher. After doing this exercise, I did the same exercise for my system. Since the S&P small cap 600 has been in existence from 1995, I added a 5 year test. The results were very similar. Except for the 5 year period from 1996, every other period showed better performance in terms of bliss. For a 10 year stretch, every period not only had a higher bliss but also had a higher CAGR.

When I first started looking at investing in 2007, I had heard about the random walk theory that in the long run, you cannot beat the S&P500. There was also a statistic that 80% of mutual funds fail to beat the S&P500 in the long run. So I started sticking to S&P500 index fund but after 2008 experience, my goal was to have a return close to S&P500 without the massive drawdown. I didn't have the goal of beating S&P but having something close, i.e. within 2% of its results. At that point, I was not sure if that is achievable, i.e. without going through that high level of drawdown. Now I can see that it is possible.

I have to admit that doing this analysis was tedious as I did it using excel. I had to change the parameters every time to get the results for each time period. The great thing that came out of it is that I now have a great feeling about this system; I do not think it would have had the same effect if I wrote a program and saw the results. In short, I believe in the system.

Since the beginning of the year, I had wanted to start trading in intermediate time frame, i.e. one to six month periods, using Elliott Wave analysis. The results were definitely not satisfactory; I lost on all the trades I took. I got stopped out every time. You mentioned during the workshop that when I do not trust the market, I am going to take trades that confirm my feelings of lack of trust of the market.

My new commitment is analyze at a 1000 charts (I will pick the historical time and the ticker randomly), look at how my analysis turned out. Once I have completed this exercise then start trading. Given the rate of progress, I can see this taking almost a year to do but having done the exercise with my system; I can see the value of this exercise.

My other two commitments were to report my weight when I am doing the monthly and six monthly reports and fast once a week. I kept to my commitment of fasting once a week. The challenge has been that after I fast, I have a tendency to eat lot more than normal. I have attached my weight measurements for the past four weeks. The progress has been going as expected, I think I ended up going overboard the first week, so have been trying to normalize in the last two weeks so that the weight loss is at a rate of 1 lb./week.

Thanks again for everything.

Regards

May 11, 2014

Breathwork Follow-Up: Intimacy and Winning

Hi Ed,

This my one-month follow-up to Breathwork aka Breathworks *:) happy

I continue to notice that I feel a sense of freedom--more and more every day. I notice that I'm willing to take more risk.

I decide to host a business/sales meeting without the usual control-centric "support" team: a team of people each with different skill sets, and with each trying various control-centric methods to convince potential clients to buy our products. I host the meeting/demonstration/presentation solo, and I create an atmosphere of intimacy. I eschew the traditional suit and wear comfortable clothes. I eschew the traditional fancy meeting room with all the latest technology bells and whistles, and host the meeting in a small restaurant with a projector, screen, and small audio speaker. Expectations from the company I work with are low that anything will come out of the meeting. By the end of the meeting, I not only get new business, I more than double the business for 2014 over the prior three years combined.

I did it by establishing intimacy and by not concerning myself with what others think of me. I establish rapport and go through the discovery process checking for compatibility. I accept my clients as they are and myself as I am. I walk away from the meeting having made new friends, not just business associates. There is a connection of intimacy, and I notice it feels different. I make agreements with my new clients and we all follow-through with our agreements.

At Breathwork we play Chinese checkers. I win the game, but that is only possible when a fellow breather makes space for me to win. He quite literally makes space for me to win. I find it difficult to move my "checker" into the winning spot. It seems too easy. Winning the game seems too easy. I wonder where I get the idea that winning is not winning unless it's hard. I eventually move into the winning spot and accept the win. I have the same feeling about winning Chinese checkers that I have about winning in the business meeting when I get the new business. I find it easier this time to accept the win. I don't hesitate to accept the win. I feel the winning feeling, which for me is a feeling of lightness from my gut up through my chest. It's some sort of combination of guilt and acceptance.

At Breathwork I have an issue that I don't like the feeling of judgment from others. I avoid the feeling of guilt and don't accept myself as I am. Now I'm OK with those feelings. I accept myself as I am more and more, and I find myself accepting others as they are more and more. The more I accept myself and others, the less drama I seem to invite.

My best to all my fellow Breathers, especially the one that makes space for me to feel the winning feeling.

May 11, 2014

Bluegrass with an Attitude

Ed,


Wow you guys have totally got something incredible... I'm not just biased I wouldn't say it if I didn't really mean it.. you must get a demo together to let people hear it!!!

Especially the Beatles stuff, it's familiar and yet totally new, there is a fascination when listening, like "I know this but it's got something extra I really want to listen to"

Awesome! I respectfully suggest the term "newgrass" but that's just secondary to the real point of how incredible and fresh the sound is!!

Wow!