On Sept 17th I write to FAQ "getting what he deserves" and open up on some very personal matters about my life.

I write to FAQ about the death of my parents, the death of my brother and serious issues with my children. I try to describe my response to all this and how I feel failure and feelings of undeserving.

When I write this I am in a delicate and desperate place. Since writing and sending it to you I stay in this place. Soon I see your response and feel I need to really consider it and later I see your revision and I like it.

I spend time reading it and contemplating it and I do not refresh my web page. I think about a reply, but am so troubled by my situation I just can't write to you.

Today I think I might reply to you and I refresh the web page and to my surprise there is a reply that looks like it is from me on the 18th of Sept.

I did not send you a reply and the posted reply "Deserving" on the 18th is not close to what I am thinking or feeling.

I want to keep this to just what I am feeling. I clearly have a feeling about this, I could show it and I will try to describe it.

It seems to be in my mid-section, front and back. I feel hurt. I feel confused. I think I might feel betrayed.

I feel fear that I might upset you if I question you about this. I feel fear that you may be angry with me if I question you about this.

The post is not what I would, will or want to write. I wonder if I might ask where this post comes from. Further, I wonder how you feel about this.

Warm regards,

In the workshop, I plan to make the necessary changes to become a consistently profitable trader.

My current situation:

Currently, my trading results are inconsistent. I have profitable days, but also unprofitable ones - sometimes the equity drawdown is very high relative to account size. On the days that I am unprofitable, I often over-trade. I have a tendency to chase the market on these days. Oftentimes, I miss a move and they try to make up for "lost time" by being too aggressive and/or take the opposite trade hoping for a trend change. This most frequently occurs on strong uptrending days. Additionally, I try to capture each and every tick in the market, feeling overly confident in my belief in what is going to happen next - which usually results in account churn and more losing trades. I mistake action for progress, feeling that I need to do something otherwise I'm not getting anywhere.

And when I am on the right side of the trade on such days, my expectations for major market movements are too high - I have a tendency to think the market will move much further than it actually does. And finally, after profitable days and/or weeks in the market, I often become over-confident and euphoric, thinking about how many lots I can begin trading and how vast my profits will be. This euphoria often takes me out of the correct mindset for trading.

The specific situation I desire:

My intent is to generate income from my trading activities on a weekly basis. At the end of each week, I desire to be profitable for the week and to draw half of my profits for living expenses and to re-invest the other half to be able to increase lot size. I know I can be a profitable trader when I am in the right mindset. I desire to be in this right mindset for trading with each trade that I take. I am extremely patient when I trade, I calmly wait for profitable opportunities and do not hesitate when the opportunity arises. I accept it when I miss trades, remembering that will always be more opportunities. I recognize that good trading is often uneventful and I do not feel a need to trade out of boredom, remembering that the market is not concerned about my plans or timeframes. And after profitable days and weeks, I desire to not be overcome by feelings of greed and/or euphoria. I desire to temper my desire for rapid progress with realism, calm and composure.

More on Not Not

Ed,

You're not not welcome!

Seriously, of the things I learn from you and Tribe, SVOp is one the most important insights. Saying what I mean, now, is a very powerful tool for me. Saying what I have, what I observe, what I want feels so much more meaningful than talking about what I "don't" have, what I "don't" see, or what I "don't" want.

I notice that as FAQ evolves, you relax SVOp rules on negation. I wonder how that interplays with the new rules on the verb "be." I support you in your continuing evolution of SVOp, TTP and FAQ. I also wish you and your attendees a successful and insightful workshop this weekend.

Ari.

Clean

Ed,

Thank you for your response. I refrain from drugs and alcohol. I no longer smoke cigarettes. I stay away from sugars. I drink water. I eat consciously.

Maybe I use exercise as my drug.

I continue to honor our agreement for workshop.

Thank you for receiving me,

You Rock!

I wish you and the Workshop participants an awesome experience.

Way to go.

I really enjoyed the last meeting. I remember the time we spent in the water - it was warm and I felt a connection with other tribe members in a very light hearted fun way that was very relaxing and joyful.

One of the tribe members has a deep issue with religion and being baptized. The members mother was treating his brother badly and he thought through following a religious process he would earn points with his mother and help his brother. Looking back he regretted this experience and many others in his family that involved forced acceptance of religion.

We invited the member to let go of his bad experiences - specifically he felt that he could not enjoy unlimited success as he had to feel guilty for others.
The member agreed to be baptized into the religion of here and now where he could enjoy unlimited success. We conducted the baptism ceremony the next morning and threw him into the ocean. He is refreshed and joyous.

I deal with my issue of having too many agreements and skirting the rules. I realize that I need to reduce my commitments drastically. I always have too many balls that I am juggling and I am constantly dropping them. Going forward if I take one something new - I will drop something else first so I do not take on more responsibilities.

Best wishes,

This the 6 month update after breath work.

The key issue for me was not dealing with my wife's hoarding. We zoned in the the # of refrigerators we have and I agreed to eliminate 4 of them. I had to do this without my wife knowing - as I have been trying to reason with her for years. When I removed the refrigerators/freezers - she did not complain about that - she complained about a specific fruit that she wanted to blend for her son. She had a very difficult pregnancy with her son and she feels very guilty about it.

The past 6 months have been difficult - my relationship with my wife has been rocky - as I deal with emotions and feelings that I have been avoiding. I continue to notice that my wife is covering up series mental issues. Her dysfunctions are deeper than I realized. She is avoiding getting help and also avoiding seeing her doctor. That concerns me, but every time I bring it up, she gets mad and says she will go soon after she gets through an event - and she says she is still collecting data for the doctor. This has been going on for over a year.

I feel crushed at times and the idealistic view I had of our relationship has been broken.

Whenever I share my feelings with my wife - she gets upset with me. I see that she does not have the capacity to receive my feelings. She is highly sensitive and complains about my loud voice. Whenever I want to discuss something important my voice gets louder which makes her upset and not want to listen.

I try to speak softer but I can't - before I know it my voice is too loud for her. I don't understand the mechanism and why I can't speak softer. There are many other things I do not understand about myself.

I need to make some changes in my life - I need to speak less and I need to eat less. These are habit changes and I will attack them one at a time. I will report updates to FAQ.

I realize that I have many agreements that I have not kept. Specifically, I have not updated FAQ on 2 tribe sessions that I agreed to. I will complete those updates in the next 20 minutes.

Thank you for hosting the breath work.

I get angry a lot and I keep it "bottled up" inside me -- not healthy.

A pro-active way to deal with my anger with others might be to establish an intimacy-centric relationship with them; share my feelings about the situation; ask for and receive their feelings.

See you Friday ...

Severe Pain & Family Dynamics

Chief Ed,

I suffer severe pain. One of my broken ribs is close to my spine.

I have cream to block pain. It works for about 4 hours max. When it wears off, a stabbing pain feels like my spine is damaged and bone is popping through skin.

I woke this morning in the worst pain. I feel broken. Worse yet, I am blammed for this problem. I am in disbelief. "

- - - - -

Your refusal to address and properly medicate and heal your mental health is more damaging to your FAMILY than any shove and breakage of your ribs, from any cause, real or imagined.

You have broken our hearts.

Satisfied?

-- Your Mother

- - - - -

I am speechless, confused and angry. It's my fault. Fine.

I do not know what she has been told, but whatever it can not be fact based.

Thank you for suggesting that I reflect further on my need for approval.

Brene Brown calls it "hustling for approval" and indeed I make a lifetime career out if it.

I happily can say that I offer encouragement to the writer (who feels ashamed for being annoying and for revealing himself on FAQ) as an expression of the Golden Rule: it's what I might want when I feel vulnerable.

I honestly don't care what happens after I offer it.

I'm ready to try to re-introduce the group to TTP as I last experienced it.​
I relocate the meeting to a larger room and arrange chairs in a circle.
We initially sit at a large table with some snacks.

I tell the group I have relocated the meeting and arranged the chairs in the hopes that everyone can try the TTP format as per "The Trading Tribe".

We all agree and move to the chairs.

We drum on wooden crates and the rhythm eventually settles and slows util we are all ready.

Check in is quick and most in the group describe feeling good or relaxed.
A tribe member "NAME" takes the hot seat and we encourage him to feel his feelings. It's mostly talking with some thrusting of fingers as he describes "sh--" and a slouch and folding of the arms with a side ti side head movement .

He describes a perimeter and a leash with an ambiguous anchor or post that moves. There is a sense of resignation. I continue encouraging him each time I see any form begin to emerge. Others mostly engage in his dialogue with questions.

I feel tense. I continue encouraging the talking and the gestures and forms.
He states his reluctance to continue difficulty feeling/identifying a feeling and says he'd like to check out.

We check out.

I realize that I'm a little hot about a client interaction and tell the group that I'd like to check out the feelings.

Everyone immediately gives me very vocal and affirmative support. I see and feel them lean in and I close my eyes. I make two fists and lift my feet of the ground and grunt. I hear "more of that!" , "do it! ​". I continue and tighten up a lot then relax and sort of laugh. I tell them I feel like I'm having a tantrum.

The man on my right says , "have a tantrum like "NAME"!" (my 2 year old son's name).

I close my eyes and start lifting my feet and clenching my fists.

I wave my arms around in fists while kicking my feet. Only my but is touching the chair. My eyes are closed and I feel a tightness in my core. I feel like grunting guttural sounds and words as I kis and swing my arms.

I hear a loud chorus of encouragement and enthusiasm supporting my balance and tantrum. I release the tension and sit eyes closed and smiling - I tell them it feels silly and good and that the rage feels funny. They encourage me to" do it again", "do more!", "go for it!".

I give it another full effort. I'm fully engaged the encouragement feels like fuel. My legs are kicking, my fists are swinging, my gut is tight, teeth clenched with words swearing from behind them and the tribe is surrounding my effort with cheers, bellows and shouts of encouragement. It feels nearly orgasmic and then it releases me.

The entire hot seat takes only a few minutes and it leaves everyone invigorated.

We check out soon after and leave the meeting energized.

After the checkout we discuss whether or not the format worked and what we each want to get from and give to the group.

Most of the feedback we give each other relates to creating greater intimacy and having deeper commitment.​

Some of the group do not like the drumming. I feel disappointed but sure we can find a way to get into the feeling and in tune with each other some other way.

I reflect on this meeting and my last FAQ report and realize I finally intended to feel and that the group intuitively understood and fully supported the effort.

I was able to resolve the client issue thereafter too.

I'm looking forward to learning from wise chiefs from many tribes and to feeling feelings with others at the workshop.

Thanks for receiving this.​

Best,

Ed,

The situation I have:

I have little skill in playing my instrument.

The situation I want:

I have mastery on the keyboard and piano and saxophone. I express myself unconditionally with these instruments.

The situation I have:

I rely on others for my financial well being.

The situation I want:

I enjoy making money and watching my bank account rise. I enjoy spending money on loved ones. I enjoy the process of coming up with ideas, implementing my ideas, and enjoying the fruits of my efficient labor.

The situation I have:

I do not help others.

The situation I want:

I help others help themselves. I keep myself safe.

The situation I have:

I do not know how to code.

The situation I want:

I know coding enough to make a decent living with side projects. I enjoy coding. I code and run my trading system.

The situation I have:

I do not know accupressure. I have some knowledge of the human body.

The situation I want:

I master my own body. I have extensive knowledge and skill in repairing and optimizing the human body. I use my skills to keep my loved ones healthy. I keep my body in optimal condition. I express my inner philosophy through my bodily forms and movement.

The situation I have:

I have an off again on again relationship with my GF.

The situation I want:

I have a steady relationship. I stay loyal to her. I see her and I accept her. She stays loyal to me. She sees me and she accepts me. We receive each other.



The situation I have:

I have a bit of knowledge on martial arts.

The situation I want:

I master the techniques of Tai Chi, boxing, and silat. I study other martial arts. I blend these styles. I have my own style that suits me. I practice this everyday. I enjoy my practice. My spirit shines.



The situation I have:

I do not track my daily activities. I do not have enough daily activities to track.

The situation I want:

I sleep 8 hours each day with the option of max 2 hr afternoon nap. I spend 2 hours training my body and practicing movements. I spend 1 hr a day maximum for leisure/unproductive mindless music youtube watching. I practice music for 1 hour per day. I code/work on my system for 5 hrs a day. I clean up my living space for one hr a day. I cook for 1-2 hrs a day (also multitask while cleaning). I spend 2+ hours with my gf if she allows me to do so.

banjo busker!

How does the below article sound to you?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/investigative/2014/09/06/stop-and-seize/

I feel it may be a good addition (unless you have already posted) to the excellent links on Govopoly, you website is currently chronicling.

All the Best for the upcoming Workshop to you and participants.

I agreed to post within a week after the Tribe meeting, so this post is over 3 months late.

During this meeting I developed insight into the anatomy of bad decisions.
To make a bad decision certain factors seem to be essential ingredients. These include:

1) Time pressure - the urge to make a decision in a short time
2) Tunnel vision - hyper focus on this one thing that suddenly becomes super important. However, when we look back a year or two later we wonder why we thought it was important
3) Making unclear fuzzy agreements with people that we have very little history with. We don't know if these people are trustworthy or not and whether we can even have a long term relationship

I realize this by the process one of the members is going through - where they got into bad marriages and bad business partnerships. I noticed that I have had many such situations.

I wonder about this combination of time pressure, tunnel vision and unclear relationships - how they come about and completely change the course of events. I don't understand this but I can observe it in action.

The other issue is I seem to get into an altered state when these combination of events happens and I loose access to reason. So even if I had say the next time this happens I will not make a decision under pressure - it appears when I am in that situation, I forget that I decided to not to this hasty decision.

I realize this creates drama and I wonder if there is a way to handle this better.

I don't remember anything else in the tribe meeting.

Thank you for hosting the Austin tribe.

I am not completely caught up with my posting agreements.

P.S. The last line should read: I am now completely caught up with my posting agreements. What a difference one letter can make.

I notice this sentence in your response to a post from August 24:

"One-on-one, without a Tribe, on this website, we do not have much
opportunity for [..]"

I believe you can restate this notion in the positive, e.g., "[..] we
have little opportunity for [..]"

Ed,

Reading your site I noticed the following post Sobriety and Anger

Coming from a family of alcoholics and substance abuse problems this post caught my attention. The quote "Drinking held down this anger" brought back memories. Weather its drinking or marijuana (former pothead) nothing suppresses anger.

Substances only act as a delay. The best example I can think of is balloon. As you blow up the balloon (anger) the balloon gets bigger and bigger. Eventually it gets so big that you have to let the air out.

While on a substance (delay) the balloon goes past its capacity and explodes and after it explodes so to does the capacity of the balloon to hold air. Always better to get rid of delays. This theory might shed light on pharmaceutical drugs given to children and mass shootings.

Appreciate all your teachings.

Impatience

Ed,

I want to thank you for pointing out my impatience issues (Sep 7th). This is another aha moment for me as I realize always want some action instead of sitting tight.

I have your "effort to results" matrix on my desk and try to move various aspects of my life to the "efficient" box.

regards

Ed,
​
Eye contact seems to make us more self-conscious

"A new study hints at a potential reason why: Looking someone in the eye seems to make us more physically aware of our own selves."

"As the researchers put it, 'adults' bodily awareness becomes more acute when they are subjected to another's gaze.'"

I know how this feels -- The Tribe often notices I that I avoid eye contact and reminds me to re-establish it to ​help ​ maintain intimacy-centric relations.

​Link: ​
​http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/09/eye-contact-makes-us-more-self-aware.html

When learning something new, if it doesn't come easily to me then I
​frequently get upset & stop.

A specific example is learning a new programming language or a complex piece of new software. I "find reasons to stop" instead of persevering.

I want to stop that stopping.

Ed,

It's been one year since the Austin TTP workshop and my joining the Austin Tribe. It's been six months since the Spring Bastrop Breathwork weekend.

I've learned a lot about TTP and about myself and I consider the whole experience to be very positive.

I am more aware of my feelings and I'm getting better at understanding their positive intentions for me.

I get more done with less drama. Dramas that used to easily occur in my life don't happen.

I have a TTP dilemma that may feel familiar to other readers.

I have a friend who says she wants to be in an intimate relationship and yet never succeeds in reaching this goal.

I know her pretty well and believe she has fears and behavior patterns that perpetuate her supposedly unwanted situation (I = R).

She rarely asks me directly for my opinion, but when she does and I suggest she might have fears as well as longings, she seems not to have much interest in that idea.

I wonder how to respond when she talks about feeling lonely and wanting to have an intimate relationship.

Thanks for FAQ.

Oct 4, 2014

Workshop Issue

Ed,

The situation I have:

I do not have a system. I have a Tribe that does not receive me.

The situation I want:

I have a system that I run. I have 2-3 clients for whom I trade 10+ million dollars for. My clients support and receive me. I receive them. We both grow together and prosper. I have a hedge fund. I trade from my spacious and naturally well lit home office in SF. I live with my GF. I continue my spiritual studies/martial arts/meditation. I continue my workouts. My body feels great. My mind feels great. My spirit soars. I feel powerful. I have the ability to create. I make my own decisions. I live with the surround myself with loved ones. I survive and prosper. I serve my Tribe. My Tribe prospers. I improve everyday. I achieve mastery of the Rocks process. I have mastery if TTP. I receive my tribe. I contribute to the art of TTP. I ride my winners. I cut my losses. I manage my risks. I use stops. I stick to the system. I file the news.

I expect all is well in PR for you and that all is going your way.

I cannot overcome my scheduling conflicts and thus cannot join you et al., for the upcoming TT. However, I'd like to chat with you to arrange another get together.

My first preference is to come to PR for the amount of time you designate, e.g., duplicate the Austin experience. I believe this is best for me as it will isolate my experience and create a closed, undistracted environment for me to work in. Alternatively, we could do this via phone or Skype, but my first preference would be to come to PR.

Thoughts on this?

Be well.

Best,

Enthusiastically,

Dear Ed,

I feel for the writer who worries that he does not receive approval from you.

I, too, have times where I scrutinize your responses to my contributions for signs of approval, or the dreaded lack of approval.

As you point out, you serve as the blank screen on which we project our wishes and fears.

I notice that, at first, the writer feels happy to have your encouragement to be "annoying", but then, by the next day, he begins to worry and judge himself and he feels ashamed of revealing himself (his flaws) on FAQ.

I want to thank him for his willingness to be vulnerable; he inspires me to continue doing the same. We are all more human than otherwise, yet shame tells us we stand alone in our lack of perfection and our unworthiness.

Thanks, friend! I celebrate your willingness to be annoying and I feel more willing to risk being annoying myself as a result of your sharing your feelings.

Please see my example of Govopoly at work.

I made $60,000 for the tax year 2013. I've already paid in $10,000 income tax for the same year. Now I owe an additional income tax of $8,000. My medical insurance is $7,200 and medical prescriptions are about $3,600. My yearly mortgage is $9,600 with condo insurance at $1,600. I have additional expenses of utilities and car insurance.

Additionally, I'm not old enough for Medicare and I will soon go on Obama Care which I understand is more than my current medical insurance.

I tell you this with humiliation and shame. I've worked hard all my life. At times, I've worked three jobs. I never saw this coming. How could I be so stupid?

I cry for an hour after reading my CPA's e-mail.

I will now dry my tears, dust myself off and put on a smile. I will say this is the third time in my life I've wanted to put a gun to my head in order to get some rest. I wish I'd taken up illegal drugs, alcohol, or perhaps sex to medicate myself.

I am angry and bitter. Those are the two things I've tried so hard to avoid. This is why I run away. This is why I keep anyone from knowing me too well.

At saying this, I cry more. Perhaps pride does goeth before a fall. I wonder how I will ever get over this sadness. I wonder if I will ever trust anyone again.

With deepest respect,

Apology for Annoying

Hi Ed,

I apologize for annoying you.

In the past couple months I talk to you, I undergo a bit of stress in my life.

I think superstitious thoughts and I have no one to listen to me without telling me what to do. I feel that others go out of their way to manipulate me and I think you hit the nail on the head about anger.

People constantly cross my boundaries and I think that I have no safe place to stay. I use FAQ as a way to express my concerns and also get in touch with my feelings and to connect with you and to figure it all out. I'm deeply sorry and ashamed for how I act out on FAQ for everyone to see. I want to run away and hide.

I'm really sorry Ed. I appreciate the support and listening you provide for me in my evolution.

Don't know if this means anything to you. But this apology means something to me.

I enter a safe place now and I feel no reason to annoy you. I do not realize I do this until you point it out. Thank you for that.

Oct 2, 2014

More Workshop Issues

Ed,

My current situation:

I don't have an album or history of performing music.

The specific situation I desire:

I want to form a band. We work together to record an album and go on tour within the next 12 months. All people with involvement in this project enjoy the process. I feel proud of this album. People listen to it and want to play the songs twice in a row. It resonates with them; they feel something and their bodies move.

- - - - -

My current situation:

My back shows a dull to sharp pain in the left lumbar region most days. My body shows a poor structure - basis: curvature of the spine, larger muscles on my right side, dropped right shoulder with my head tilting to the right. My eye alignment shifts to accommodate this curvature. I generally feel stiff and make groaning noises.

The specific situation I desire:

I don't want to experience this pain anymore. I undertake an exercise program and realign my spine/neck, shoulders and eyes. My body becomes strong and flexible, it appears strong and proud.

- - - - -

My current situation:

I have $82k in cash.

The specific situation I desire:

I want to increase this figure to $1.4m in cash, representing a difference of $1.318m. I want to acquire this difference through trend following trading of equities and commodities futures. I use the workshop to increase my knowledge of building a trading business. I manage money for clients and myself. I have a system and strategy that I can demonstrate that works. I charge well and I offer clients a money back guarantee.

- - - - -

My current situation:

I don't have satisfaction with my skill level using the rocks process.

The specific situation I desire:

I want to obtain mastery of the rocks process; I share these new skills with my tribe. Tribe benefit, family and friends benefit, people seek my counsel.

Workshop Issues

Ed,

The Situation I Have:

While I continue to grow a great deal in my ability to express myself, I see areas where I hold back and block myself from free, open creative expression.

A specific area where I see this is in my practice of the musical instrument I began playing almost two years ago. I should say "in my lack of practice", because I notice that I give up in frustration when I do not correct a mistake and easily make progress.

I believe that making a mistake triggers shame and humiliation in me, as if I reveal that I am not good enough (and never will be). While I have released myself from this belief in many areas of my life, and can freely express myself including mistakes, I still judge my creative expression such as music or art more harshly.

I feel as if I lack some essential ingredient necessary for being "good enough" in those areas. I feel inadequate and unworthy.

The Situation I Want:

I practice my instrument regularly, with gusto and pleasure. I enjoy working on areas where I want to improve and I feel satisfaction with both my effort and with my performance, however "good" it is.

I improve my skills to the point where I feel comfortable playing with others and enjoy the feeling of sharing a musical experience in a supportive environment. I play my instrument with others on a regular basis, twice or at least once a month.

Ed,

Here in our country, we had this morning an electricity blackout.

After investigating the Structure, the electricity supplier notice in the now that a section between point I and point J along the electrical network A to Z is cut.

How may we call this section I to J as it is no the "cause" of this blackout??

I try to explain Intention= results aka Structure= behavior to my relatives, but we cannot avoid the word "cause" and we whirl around this word "cause".

Thank you