Today [Name] and I go through a process while she talks about supporting my creating and having a system. I go through several forms and memories. I sit on the couch and I rub my face vigorously while bending forward. I repeat "I don't know" over and over. The Tribe member validates me saying "good job" "keep going" and "more, more" and creates a field of relentless validation. Also, somehow I feel you around during this process of relentless validation. I could pinpoint your presence. It feels so palpable.

I jump to a memory where I get tied up to a pole in an unfinished basement and my dad punches me because I trigger his rage by creating a fuss about not wanting to go to church.

[Name] asks me if I have willingness to role play the scene. At first I feel the scene change. I feel fear and excitement. I hesitate to continue at first. Fani asks me again if I have willingness and I say yes. At this point I dont feel you around anymore.

[Name] ties me up to a rack with a metal pole. For a second I feel real fear. I look her in the eyes and say "are you going to hit me for real?" She then says no. We role play the hitting and I move and cover myself. She says "you dont want to go to church?" Over and over while i protect myself from her. I tell her how i feel and that after the hitting, "its not that bad".

Afterwards we get back to the couch. She asks me if I want to forgive the rock. I hesitate for a while and [Name] says "if you want to keep the rock you can. We've been going for it for a long time." I give back a "dont share feelings and take the abuse its not that bad it will make you tough rock" from my mother. She doesnt want it at first. I say "I don't really want this rock." I dont see the use for it. And I dont really want to be tough. She doesnt want the rock. I tell her that I love her but I don't want the rock. She relents and takes it back.

[Name] checks back in as my dad. I ask her/him how he feels when he hits me. He breaks down to tears sobbing says he feels exhausted. His throat feels swollen. He says he feels exhausted. "I don't even know why i'm hitting you. You were just the trigger for this feeling." And that hes sorry.

I tell him "I feel lost after moving here and I dont really like the people at the church. I can take care of myself at home and I wont get into any trouble while youre gone." I say im sorry for being difficult about going to church and he tells me I have nothing to be sorry for. I say "maybe next time you can tell me when you feel exhausted."

We hug it out.

We do a check out. I feel soreness on my neck. [Name] says she feels her throat clear up and can breathe fully.

I dont know if we did this correctly but I think it heads in the right direction. I would like to hear your thoughts.

Thank you,

For personal reasons I will not continue with the tribe meetings.

Good luck everybody.

Hi Ed,

I need your help. In my two sessions of being on the hot seat, I have the same experience / outcome. I get really into my forms and then I reach a point where I have a lot of rage and shame in my head. It feels like I have a broken part of me that wants to rage. I feel shame that I have this in me and afraid to let it out. I think I need more than one receiver. I abruptly end my sending. This pisses off the receiver.

The first time this happens at workshop. The second time happens last night. I wonder if you can give me any feedback on how to get over this hump.

Thanks,

Ed,

3 members present again, which I consider the minimum to run the TTP. Not the same members as last time. Two members have left the tribe (#4 & #5). Both made tremendous progress while at the Tribe - and in one case attending your Workshop - and seem to have achieved what they wanted out of it. I feel happy with this success. They would be welcome as visitors should they be in our town again.

On Sunday we ran the first Trading University Session. This went pretty well and there is no distracting talk about trading strategies etc during this Tribe.

After drumming we check in and do some exercises, tell me how you feel... We use the new exercise again (tell me about when you first felt X). People seem to be getting better at remembering things. The last one we do was "tell me about the first time you felt in love".

All three of us have an issue. Everyone seems a bit hesitant to get into it.

Member #7 has some disturbing events at work. A colleague starts a therapeutic massage business on the side, even though he earns a high salary. He offers to give her a massage, saying he would like to try this one thing (unspecified). Some weeks later he informs M#7 that he has started providing "happy endings" to his massages upon request. I interpret this as meaning sexual services. Also some other colleagues start going out to B&D/S&M/leather venues together. She finds both of these things disturbing and (I gather) sordid and she finds herself thinking about them more than she wants to. She thinks she should not feel like this. Also she had a significant draw-down while on holidays due to not following her system and various other problems, such as a broken computer. She feels mad at herself but also that it was a learning experience. She misses some recent Tribe meetings because she did not want to be embarrassed by telling us about her losses. She rates her level of emotional hotness as 2. Not hot enough to get started right away and she passes.

Member #1. Trading well. He feels frustrated about his health. He has a bad back, is doing everything he can to fix it, but feels frustrated there is no clear way forward. He wants an action plan and to get going with it! It turns out that he is seeing a Pilates practitioner about his back on the theory that the problem may be due to weak back muscles, though a scan showed several significantly bulging disks which may also be the cause of the problem. I comment that this seems like a fairly indirect way of fixing the problem. Why no physiotherapist? His pharmacist suggested Pilates. And that this brings to mind similarly indirect approaches to his other health problems eg looking for a food intolerance by eliminating one food at a time from the diet, which went on for many months, with no clear conclusion. Currently this skin problem is being treated symptomatically. This seems like a great hot seat topic - frustration - and there seems to be a lot going on. How hot are you? M#1 simply could not say how hot he was after considerable deliberation. So I interpret that as unwillingness and we move on. All this took quite a while. M#1 reports to us that talking about this was helpful for him. Still, I feel quite frustrated about this process and the time and the lack of a clear result.

That leaves me. I (member #3) also feel frustrated (!) - I have put on some weight over the Autumn/Fall here (Southern Hemisphere). I have put on maybe half a stone (3kg), allowing for some muscle gain as well, which is better than in previous years but still I thought I had sorted this out. I appoint Member #7 as process manager for the first time.

I tend to get really hungry late at night. The previous night I have 1.5 cheese sandwiches and some skim yoghurt and berries as a late snack, which was outside what I planned to eat. Now this is a pretty mild binge, especially compared to the past - when I might have had 6 ham and cheese sandwiches - but it is the difference between stable weight and gaining (300 calories a day = 3 lbs a month). I train myself to 'wake up' during these episodes and realize what is happening. I do this but I still keep eating. I just don't care I just want to eat.

We run the hot set and I feel quite strongly. A scene comes to mind of my parents. I am telling them I do not want to go to the boarding school they selected, which is an inferior school to the one I am at, and will affect my academic future. My father responds to my concerns by informing me that the decision is final and if I raise the matter again he will smash my head in. It is not obvious to everyone at Tribe what is the connection of this to the eating issue. Originally I thought the eating issue with late night bingeing in Autumn / Fall was some sort of seasonal thing where my body for some reason decided that Winter is a time of scarcity and therefore there is a need to feed up while there is still food. And the scene has nothing to do with that as well.

The connection in my mind is that I get frustrated at the end of the day with not getting enough done. Then I want to eat to make the frustration go away, and with the excuse that it might give me some energy to get some more done. The rocks that lead to this are from my father and mother. a) You must work all the time b) However much you do will not be enough c) It is irresponsible to have fun. There was also another theme that had come up before - that if you are good enough you will achieve effortlessly.

We play out the scene above, with my father donating these rocks after making his threats.

We repeat with some new rocks. Firstly I tell me parents I just want to be the best 'me' that I can. I also feel sorry / empathy for them that they have to live with these rules themselves. (e.g. My father works like a slave, and then irresponsibly disappears for weeks or months at a time on holidays with his friends). I find subtle and gentle ways to convey these thoughts to them and to show I am receiving them. I also experience that it is good to have fun. And that we are all human and our best is good enough, there is a limit to what is reasonably possible, and in any case it is not up to others to decide for me if I am good enough. A school teacher I liked ('Vincent") donates the new heart rock which is really about empathy for my parents and for myself.

The rest of the hot seat went as usual (checkout etc). The process manager was a bit nervous about how she went but I felt it went extremely well.

M#7 gives me a lift to the station. I just catch the train home. It is a 2.5 hour trip so I have plenty of time to think.

On the way I realize that the way I have been structuring my day is causing a lot of problems. I have been having two meals, which means I have to do my two exercise sessions before those meals, which combined with other factors makes it hard to get much done before lunchtime. This means that by late in the day I am trying to catch up when tired. So I plan out a new structure based around three meals, with the hard thinking work mostly in the morning. I write this out last night and try it today. It works really well. Last night when I got home (1:30am) I reflect that I actually got a lot done today. I would like to have done more on my trading systems but this was limited due to the travel for the Tribe meeting. But overall I do not feel frustrated and I do not eat anything at that time. So this morning my weight is down. It is bed time now and I feel very content with my day.

Hello​ Sir,​

​... it is pleasure talking to you. I am full time into trading the markets and along with i have my business of partner with financial services company whi​ch provides all financial products i do this activity after market hours.

​In my trading i am facing some psychological problems along few operational ones and the problems are like

1] if i want to do the Trend Following trades should i really watch the markets whole day ? ​

​2] ​If i do this in some selected stocks will it be really helpful and at ease. i follow 6 stock including 1 index.

3] If i am trading with Trend Following style will it be ideal if i adopt another style like day trader (For Monthly Expenses ) and is it advisable to do so.

I would like to hear from you sir your precious advise.

​Thanks &​ Regards

Before the meeting Ed asks for clarification on who the "Chief" is. We agree to have Ed lead the meeting.

We greet each other warmly. It feels good to see my like-minded (TTP-minded) friends again.

In past meetings I would take copious notes, mentally dropping out of the process as I did so. Today I resolve to stay present with my Tribe members during the meeting.

*** We sit in a circle and we remove the coffee table in the middle so there is nothing between us. This helps us fully see each other's forms. It gives room for role-playing. And it helps in case someone needs assistance or collapses during a process.

*** We start by drumming.

*** We go around & do a feelings check in.

*** We go around & give progress reports.

One member reports helping out at his family's business, discovering illegal activity there, and the feelings that come up.

Another reports tremendous improvement in well being & satisfaction as a result of TTP & Breathwork.

In the last Austin Tribe series I want to work on three problems: (1) feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list, (2) improving my ETF trading system, (3) feeling frustrated with my system development tools including an inability to rapidly test trading ideas.

I report significant progress in all three areas:

1) I find David Allen's "Getting Things Done" (http://gettingthingsdone.com/). A key concept is to create, maintain, and refer to one to-do list with everything on it. I do so & enjoy the feeling of trusting that I have one document to check to find out what's upcoming & what I want to get done. With it, I can "deep dive" into the task at hand. Then, when I "resurface" I can check my list and decide what's best to do next. With an up-to-date list, I don't have nagging feelings that there may be something important I've forgotten about.

2) I develop my Long-Term Trend Following System for ETFs and show it to my boss. He is impressed and we merge it and a system of his into a hybrid that we market to clients. Assets under management are growing.

3) I felt stymied in rapidly testing ideas and I would repeatedly stop. I resolve to stop stopping. Ed encourages me to just take the next step. I remember master salesman Zig Ziglar's aphorism: "By the mile, it's a trial. By the inch, it's a cinch." Instead of looking for new software I change my attitude and use what I've been using for years. I begin with a series of modules for data handling and technical indicators. I make lots of mistakes and keep going. I enjoy customizing the software to do exactly what I want. I resolve to test one simple concept a week as I build my new system. I search the Internet for help & I ask online forums for "How Tos". All questions are answered. Years ago I was a software developer, so this is old, comfortable territory.

*** We go around the room looking for problems: a specific difference between what you have and what you want. TTP can help with that.

We work on each problem one at a time. It takes the Tribe Leader about ~1/2 hour to develop the problem into a form, test for willingness, and find a critical incident. Then another 1/2 hour to run a rocks process. We check out in character, are released from our roles, and are welcomed back to the Tribe. Then we all check out on the process.

*** Four members report problems to work on.

1) I am stuck on opening up to the Tribe. At some level I want to hide who I am and that prevents me from establishing rapport & intimacy and from discovering & discussing critical incidents.

2) One Tribe member has a problem with software tutorials.

3) Another has a feeling that in relationships she must always be the "junior associate", not a co-equal.

4) A third is conflicted on social relationships.

*** We Seek Critical Incidents to Work With

1) Ed begins asking me about why I won't open up. We discuss shame. Clearly, more of me wants to stay where I'm at than wants to do TTP. Ed detects this and we move on. The strength of willingness to fore-give a rock must be greater than the will to keep it.

2) Ed queries the Tribe member about the software issue and we discover a seemingly unrelated critical incident in his youth. We run a rocks process and the member seems relieved and more open to using available resources like Tech support and the Internet to solve his problems.

3) Another member has uncomfortable feelings in relationships where she always feels like a sub-ordinate. She courageously opens up to the Tribe revealing intimate details about herself. We run a rocks process and I role play her father. I donate a "shame" rock: when you do something shameful, then let a strong feeling of shame wash over you and cover you like a thick blanket, medicating all the other feelings you may have at that point and turning off any intimacy or rapport. I'm good at that. After the heart rock is donated we rerun an incident from childhood where another child has done something very embarrassing. Holding the heart rock, the Tribe member says "It's OK, honey" to empathize and establish rapport. Ed stops things immediately. No, it's not OK. The child has done something very embarrassing. Don't say it's OK. That's medicating. I'm very impressed that Ed immediately picks up on this medicative behavior. I miss it completely.

Both of these Tribe member's rocks are replaced with a heart rock in their favorite color. I wish I got one.

4) The meeting is running past the agreed upon time. We check for agreement on continuing past that time and all agree. The fourth Tribe member reports that assisting in the previous processes has relieved some of his tension. We discuss his issue and he is no longer "hot". He agrees that we will not run a rocks process.

***We do final checkout & adjourn.

After the Tribe meeting I go to dinner with another member. He remarks that I seem "more open". I thank him for telling me that because I am "on the inside" of my process and I can't "see" such changes the way others can.

When I get home, I realize I've "inadvertently" kept the "shame" rock in my pocket. What a wonderful cosmic joke! I did get the rock that I want the most. I resolve to fore-give this rock in TTP.

Ed: thanks again for your generosity in hosting us and for your time & effort running the meeting. Your experience and insights are invaluable to me.

Thank you again for facilitating our Austin Tribe Reunion meeting. The experience gives us a chance to renew our connections and to visualize the possibility of continuing to meet on our own in the future.

I drive to the meeting with the intention of working on the issue of my pattern of functioning as an "assistant" to a man in my primary relationships and then trying to please him so he will "promote" me to a full partnership.

The problem with this pattern is that I end up subordinating and suppressing my real self in order to please the man, and the dependency precludes the possibility of my ever feeling like a true partner since I must always accommodate to his needs. And I end up feeling resentful as well, even though I arrange the entire drama.

I notice that I speak up and declare my wish to take the hotseat despite the presence of too many Tribe members for everyone to have a turn. No, I will not defer this time; this could be my only chance to work on the issue in a supportive environment. I have good friends, but none of them is acquainted with this way of working. I need my Tribe!

As I recall my experience on the hotseat, I see myself ranging far and wide through an emotional landscape filled with peers who reject me, teachers who disapprove of me, a mother who gives me a rock teaching me to be arrogant and mean to others, and a father who donates the rock of feeling ashamed and becoming submissive. Plus there's a sidebar of my sexuality and my father's inability to support me when I enter puberty.

I feel like I follow whatever comes into my mind and I have no certainty that I know what I am doing or that I am doing it "right". I experience moments of vulnerability and just keep on going. I never could have done this a year ago.

You and the Tribe stay right there beside me the whole way. I feel glad when you press me to test my willingness to give back the rocks, especially to my mother, when I seem to prefer arguing with her about why she didn't love me. I can feel the futility of the argument and I stop it, even though the temptation to keep trying is very strong.

The other Tribe member who goes through a rocks process also seems stuck on trying to connect with his mother, who is always displeased with him. This pattern manifests in his current life when he gives up in frustration while trying to learn a new software program, shutting down and feeling that he is too "stupid."

I feel quite proud of him when he is able to return his "shut down" rock to his father and he persists in returning the "make people feel bad or mad" rock to his mother. He does not give up even when she responds abusively to his attempt to establish rapport. He finally accepts that he may not be able to connect with her in a healthy way, but he does not have to continue connecting on her terms.

The other members work on clarifying their issues, but they are not ready to commit to working on them at this time. Not surprisingly, a member who wonders about his ability to connect with others plays the angry, arrogant mother in both rocks processes. His issue fades away after the role plays and ends up hanging, possibly for a future time.

We leave the meeting with a comforting feeling that we can continue to help each other face ourselves and that we are there for each other even though time has passed since we were together before. I feel a greater level of trust than I did before the meeting.

I awake the next day with a feeling of peacefulness and contentment. I feel much less invested in my drama of getting others to like me so I will be able to like myself. I just go ahead and like myself, eliminating the middleman!

Thanks again for TTP. It has proven to be a life-changing experience for me.

Sincerely,

We raise issues at the beginning of our meeting as is our custom. I am a bit concerned and anxious that many of the issues raised are the ones that several individuals have been dealing with for quite some time. I take a breath and realize that is why they are issues because the solutions for many of the group members are difficult to come by and the problems have a lot of depth. My energy level goes up as I am ready to engage in the process.

Our first hotseat has an issue with feeling stupid. This feeling is preventing him from learning a computer related task he wishes to solve. From what he describes, I do not believe the issue is computer related, it is something deeper related to his self confidence. He avoids feeling ignorant. Funny how avoiding feeling ignorant creates ignorance. He amps us his feelings and is brought back to a pivotal event with his mother.

He was trying to help his mother when he was younger by cleaning some clutter and in the process throwing out some important documents. His mother chastised him for this in front of a lady she was speaking to on the phone. Initially several things pop out. I notice that his mother did not call him stupid, he states that she does not do this. She very clearly implies it through through her behavior and that message would be what I received. A very popular rock, the shutdown rock, makes an appearance. I also notice the controlling behavior of the hotseat. He chooses to clean up someone else's mess trying to help and I believe make his mother like him more.

I keep silent on this behavior but think the hostseat may have a "helpful" rock that he uses to control people. That is something for a different time however. The hotseat does a very good job forgiving the rocks. I see the rock very clearly, and role playing the mother, I decide to be very aggressive with the hotseat. I feel that my character is a mean controlling individual and going soft on the performance would take away from the work the hotseat is trying to do. The hotseat conveys to me that he made much progress and thanks my for my effort. I feel happy that I can contribute to the group.

Our second hotseat makes me feel uneasy. The hotseat shares some very personal details of their life growing up and a feeling of inexperience comes up. The seriousness of the work we do suddenly hits me and I become worried. The group reacts with a heartwarming maturity and the process leader keeps us focused on the issue. I once again get to play the mother.

Again the mother is a controlling individual. Sounds like a trend to me. Controlling mothers... I am aggressive in first process... since I follow the trend I am going aggressive again.

I actually get the hotseat to begin arguing with me while they are trying to forgive a rock. I am happy that we are making real progress but I feel anxiety for the hotseat because they cannot see themselves wanting to hold onto their rock. The process leader takes a firm hand with his tech support and the patience and persistence pays of. I see an AHA in the hotseat. They successfully forgive the rock. This particular hotseat is a thinker so I expect follow on issues. I look forward to working on in future meetings if they decide to bring them up.

I take the hotseat in the ultimate process. My issue starts with a feeling of anxiety about my social circle. The group is very patient with me as we try and determine what I want so that we can pose a problem. After much discussion I cannot formulate a problem. I thank the group for receiving me feelings and we decide to end the process.

In the checkout, I mention how much I enjoyed the meeting and how I enjoy the role playing. I judge the feeling of helping people to be one I like. I worry that this is a controlling behavior that I will have to address in the future but as of now it does not prevent me from achieving what I want. Maybe it does and I don't see it yet.

Ed,

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gmnZRBTPzg0

I am seeing that I am applying TTP principles to connecting feelings on the fly at a rising frequency.

Here are some successful and failed case I notice recently:

TTP real time application notes

. When modifying a line of source code and fixing a typo, I feel there must a same typo nearby, but I didn't see it in vicinity code so I move on. Later computer tool apps finds the other typo for me, it is just three words away. I ignored the three feelings: something is wrong, how come I can't find it, I don't want to slow down to check more.

. I negatively comment on another trader's trading style and am able to remember to ask him how he might feel about my comment.

. I go to a party in a friends house. There are lots of food. The host tells guests that he think nobody wants to eat rice so he won't make rice. I want rice but feel guilty to say it. So I shutdown. A lady says she wants rice and then the hosts makes rice.

. A man offers to install a new free smart sprinkler without warranty. I tell him I worry if it breaks what I can do. I ask him how he feels if I want free replacement on the contract. I also ask how I make him feel by asking so many questions and telling him my worries. We have a good conversation.

. The man comes to install the smart sprinkler controller for me and he tells me some times clients complain about his product for the problems which has nothing to do with the product. For example, the wifi is weak or the clients forget their own password. I forget to ask him how he feels about it and how he feels when working with me.

. An investor asks me how is my trading performance ytd, I tell him it's flat and there might be a drawdown coming. I dwell in my own feeling of worry and embarrassment and shutdown and forget to ask him how he might feel about it.

. I call Tribe members and ask them how I make them feel by calling them between meetings.

. Canceling life insurance. I find this policy has high penalty on early surrender, I share my feeling of regret, unhappy, instead of blaming the agent for not telling me before. Later she gives me a quote which is not bad. I ask her how she feels about my canceling the policy. I create rapport.

. Picking up the ball. My son throw the ball to neighbors backyard. I ask him to go there and retrieve the ball and he hesitates. I think he is irresponsible. Then I ask him how it makes him feel to go there. He tells me he feel embarrassed and shy to see strangers. I acknowledge his feelings and go with him to find the ball.

Thank you,

thank you for publishing TT principles of relationships!

I wonder how you can communicate in a reasonable way when you don't react on what your partner says.

Like you give the example in "Share feelings and wonder" and it would mean to thank your partner for sharing her/his feelings of hunger. Could you elaborate on this?

I also wonder what you really mean by "Do whatever your partner asks you to do". This implies that you react on the content of what your partner just said and second the request might be something you don't want to do or you don't like.

I suggest a 10 percent rule similar to the 10 % rule in the rocks process where in some cases the behavior of the old rock might be appropriate (although I never did a rocks process before). I also wonder how you feel about modern communication (instant messaging) in relationships.

In October I started trading with my own software. I am happy that I am up 12 % and experience a drawdown of 6 % now. This isn't much of a concern for me. Trading has never been easier for me but also never been more boring :-)

Thank you for the work you put into your page! Hope you are fine.

Riding an Opposite-Steering Bike

Ed,

This tells us another facet about how our brains function. Ever hear that phrase: "It's just like riding a bike?"

http://viewpure.com/MFzDaBzBlL0?ref=bkmk

Jun 2, 2015

Clear System

Ed:

I believe my system is clear. I trade my system as it dictates but now I ponder. I know people are nervous in my area because recently in our area a lot of people got hurt because of a scam. I think because of this people are having a hard time trusting and are hesitant.

Thank you.