|
|
|||
 |
Ed
Seykota's FAQ
|
| Home | Send Mail to FAQ | Resources | Ground Rules | FAQ Index |
TT_Chartbook
|
|
FAQ
February 21-29, 2016 <-- back | down | forward --> |
| Contributors Say | Ed Says | |||
| Feb 29, 2016 Order 11110 Amends Order 10289 Ed, You might like this article on issuing U.S. currency with silver backing. |
Thank you for sending me the link. In my book, Govopoly, on page 94, I notice that the Assimilation Model explains the evolution of our economy - without having to include or choose between conspiracy and clown theories. |
|||
| Feb 28, 2016 Fine Structure Constant = 137.03599913 Ed, You might like this link: https://cosmosmagazine.com/mathematics/ number-fascinates-physicists-above-all- others?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium= email&utm_campaign=GFile02262016& utm_term=GFile |
Thank you for sending me the link. | |||
| Feb 26, 2016 Where to Put Stops Feb 26 at 1:47 PM Hi Ed, I've ordered your book and I think it's excellent thank you. When you get into a position where do you put your stops if you can help me on that I would be very great full. |
Thank you for raising this issue. I'd like you to consider that risk management involves, among other things, stop placement, position sizing and willingness to execute your system rules. You can determine a strategy for stop placement, for your own system, through back testing. |
|||
| Feb 26, 2016 Tribe Meeting Report - Surfing Feelings Ed, We meet for the last Tribe meeting at our old venue - 12+ years of Tribe here. 6 members present. We and our new member introduce ourselves briefly one sentence bio, what trading we have done, our path to tribe. Our new member #12 previously attends several self improvement and trading courses and employs a number of other therapeutic vehicles. Drumming and exercises then hot seats. Trust and fidelity ---------------- I wonder if member#7 possibly has an issue, and indeed she has. She has confusion and pain about trust and fidelity in her recent relationship. She tells us she has an approach of trusting her partner completely unless and until he indisputably betrays that trust. Then it is over. This pattern recurs. She feels frustrated: this should work, but it doesn't. She feels great confusion, which she conveys to us very convincingly. At the peak of the hot seat we freeze her and she recalls trying to protect her mother from verbal and physical abuse from her father. This occurs at age 6-7 but this pattern continues until she finally leaves home in disgust. Her mother remonstrates with her that she should not do this - would you do this with *your* husband????? M7 explains that her mother has a strategy to placate her father, make sure everything is in order, so there is nothing to complain about, stay silent until the storm is over, etc. Standing up to your husband is totally, totally out of order! M7 also tries frantically while her father is raging to hide any possible weapons that he might use. M7 feels stumped. What on earth does this have to do with trust and fidelity? There seems to be a lot going on at once. I suggest to focus on what goes on in the relationship, and leave how she gets into these kinds of relationships for later. M7 eventually realizes, as I understand it, that the rule - that you trust completely and only consider boundaries crossed and a problem exists when 100% undeniable proof exists that the other person is out of order - has a purpose. In this way, she can pretend everything is good and she can go on placating the other person and/or tolerating their toxic behavior because I trust him and he denies everything. So the rule about trust justifies this placating/tolerating approach. So this is the same strategy that her mother donates in a different guise. After reenactment, M7 comes up with a new Rock that when she feels uncomfortable she can act on that. She does not need to tolerate anything out of line. She can just behave as any other person would in a relationship, sharing her feelings as they evolve, alive to the true and real nature of the relationship. We try out the new Rock and it seems good. M7 seems visibly relieved at this outcome and feels it works for her. She states very adamantly that she does not want the old strategy and likes the new one. Her summary email post tribe shows a remarkable increase in clarity from the previous foggy exercises in confusion that I receive in recent times. On check-out M#1 remarks that he doesn't get the rocks process but it seems to work for some people. I (M#3) remark that there may be further rocks to be uncovered here and it can take a while to peel all the layers off the onion. Another member says that this hot seat triggers memories of his own parents and their often violent altercations. Frustration ----------- M#12 has put in a lot of work on his trading, attended ... courses overseas and locally etc etc, and has a pattern to trade well and profitably and then suddenly amps up the leverage, perhaps in response to boredom. He then gets stopped out a lot due to the excess leverage magnifying volatility, and the account gets eaten away over time. He feels this is partly related to a neurological need for stimulation, which he is now treating with medication. He feels great frustration that he has put in a lot of time, he has shown he can trade profitably, but he keeps blowing it. He wonders if he is just not cut out for it. He is successful in other areas of life and feels frustrated and angry about this. I make some moves to move to the hot seat proper and he points out that he has done a lot of work previously (see above). He has gotten various feelings under control and some bad feelings he has gotten rid of. I suggest that in TTP we don't really try to get rid of a feeling so much as to fully experience it and make it our friend. Also we consider that all feelings have a positive intent so we don't so much categorize feelings as 'good' or 'bad'. M#12 has ordered the Trading Tribe book but has not yet read it. He seems a bit bewildered, perhaps too much is happening at once. He states several times that he sees there is a hot seat there but "it's not happening tonight". That being his prerogative, we end the process. M#2 feels he has been incredibly open and has disclosed to a highly unusual degree for him. He puts this down to the warm and accepting nature of the tribe. Normally I would feel quite frustrated at this turn of events but I don't feel this way tonight. After check out we say our goodbyes. I remind members I will reconvene the Tribe again shortly (as discussed on FAQ). I give a member a lift home. He suggests he could teach me to surf. He lives near a famous surfing beach. This has long been a dream of mine. I feel very happy about this as I drive home. |
Thank you for sharing your process and for documenting your meeting. I like your go-with-the-waves management style. |
|||
| Feb 25, 2016 Figuring it All Out Ed, I recently found your sight and book. I have a lack of knowledge of trends/technicals. Your approach intrigues. Also I feel your system is rational in its approach. Personally I think intentionality plays a deeper role though..at both the conscious and subconscious level. The intention toward investigation / introspection being primary. The intention for peace at every level by discovering awareness being even more instrumental. I've specialized in bonds for the past twenty years, following what I felt was a no brainer. Currently I lack conviction in bonds and am broadening my horizons. I have yet to complete the Trading Tribe book (Govopoly yes) and do follow the FAQ. I did not want to comment or question until I finished both books but I felt the words below from my coach were worth sharing in regards to right livelihood. The Limits of Knowledge - At The Crossroads of Western Philosophy and Eastern Realization Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave your mind as it is, it will become calm. This mind is called Big Mind. - Shunryu Suzuki Western Philosophy: Solipsism ˈsälipˌsizəm/ the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist. The foundations of solipsism lie at the heart of the view that the individual gets his own psychological concepts (thinking, willing, perceiving, and so forth.) from "his own cases," that is by abstraction from "inner experience." This view, or some variant of it, has been held by a great many, if not the majority of philosophers since Descartes made the egocentric search for truth the primary goal of the critical study of the nature and limits of knowledge. Solipsism merits close examination because it is based upon three widely entertained philosophical presuppositions, which are themselves of fundamental and wide-ranging importance. These are: (a) What I know most certainly are the contents of my own mind - my thoughts, experiences, affective states, and so forth.; (b) There is no conceptual or logically necessary link between the mental and the physical. For example, there is no necessary link between the occurrence of certain conscious experiences or mental states and the "possession" and behavioral dispositions of a body of a particular kind; and (c) The experiences of a given person are necessarily private to that person. The solipsistic account of the nature of mind implies that the individual acquires the psychological concepts that he possesses "from his own case," that is that each individual has a unique and privileged access to his own mind, which is denied to everyone else. Although this view utilizes language and employs conceptual categories ("the individual," "other minds," and so forth.) that are inimical to solipsism, it is nonetheless fundamentally conducive historically to the development of solipsistic patterns of thought. On this view, what I know immediately and with greatest certainty are the events that occur in my own mind - my thoughts, my emotions, my perceptions, my desires, and so forth. - and these are not known in this way by anyone else. By the same token, it follows that I do not know other minds in the way that I know my own; indeed, if I am to be said to know other minds at all - that they exist and have a particular nature - it can only be on the basis of certain inferences that I have made from what is directly accessible to me, the behavior of other human beings. The essentials of the Cartesian view were accepted by John Locke, the father of modern British empiricism. Rejecting Descartes' theory that the mind possesses ideas innately at birth, Locke argued that all ideas have their origins in experience. "Reflection" (that is introspection or "inner experience") is the sole source of psychological concepts. Without exception, such concepts have their genesis in the experience of the corresponding mental processes. (Essay Concerning Human Understanding II.i.4ff). If I acquire my psychological concepts by introspecting upon my own mental operations, then it follows that I do so independently of my knowledge of my bodily states. Any correlation that I make between the two will be effected subsequent to my acquisition of my psychological concepts. Thus, the correlation between bodily and mental states is not a logically necessary one. I may discover, for example, that whenever I feel pain my body is injured in some way, but I can discover this factual correlation only after I have acquired the concept "pain." It cannot therefore be part of what I mean by the word "pain" that my body should behave in a particular way. The Argument From Analogy What then of my knowledge of the minds of others? On Locke's view there can be only one answer: since what I know directly is the existence and contents of my own mind, it follows that my knowledge of the minds of others, if I am to be said to possess such knowledge at all, has to be indirect and analogical, an inference from my own case. This is the so-called "argument from analogy" for other minds, which empiricist philosophers in particular who accept the Cartesian account of consciousness generally assume as a mechanism for avoiding solipsism. (Compare J. S. Mill, William James, Bertrand Russell, and A. J. Ayer). There is no logically necessary connection between the concepts of "mind" and "body;" my mind may be lodged in my body now, but this is a matter of sheer contingency. Mind need not become located in body. Its nature will not be affected in any way by the death of this body and there is no reason in principle why it should not have been located in a body radically different from a human one. By exactly the same token, any correlation that exists between bodily behavior and mental states must also be entirely contingent; there can be no conceptual connections between the contents of a mind at a given time and the nature and/or behavior of the body in which it is located at that time. For Psychologists and Physicians and Their Patients: This raises the question as to how my supposed analogical inferences to other minds are to take place at all. How can I apply psychological concepts to others, if I know only that they apply to me? To take a concrete example again, if I learn what "pain" means by reference to my own case, then I will understand "pain" to mean "my pain" and the supposition that pain can be ascribed to anything other than myself will be unintelligible to me. There is a temptation to say that solipsism is a false philosophical theory, but this is not quite strong or accurate enough. As a theory, it is incoherent. What makes it incoherent, above all else, is that the solipsist requires a language (that is a sign-system) to think or to affirm his solipsistic thoughts at all. Given this, it is scarcely surprising that those philosophers who accept the Cartesian premises that make solipsism apparently plausible, if not inescapable, have also invariably assumed that language-usage is itself essentially private. The cluster of arguments - generally referred to as "the private language argument" - that we find in the Investigations against this assumption effectively administers the coup de grâce to both Cartesian dualism and solipsism. (I. § 202; 242-315). Language is an irreducibly public form of life that is encountered in specifically social contexts. Each natural language-system contains an indefinitely large number of "language-games," governed by rules that, though conventional, are not arbitrary personal fiats. The meaning of a word is its (publicly accessible) use in a language. To question, argue, or doubt is to utilize language in a particular way. It is to play a particular kind of public language-game. The proposition "I am the only mind that exists" makes sense only to the extent that it is expressed in a public language, and the existence of such language itself implies the existence of a social context. Such a context exists for the hypothetical last survivor of a nuclear holocaust, but not for the solipsist. A non-linguistic solipsism is unthinkable and a thinkable solipsism is necessarily linguistic. Solipsism therefore presupposes the very thing that it seeks to deny. That solipsistic thoughts are thinkable in the first instance implies the existence of the public, shared, intersubjective world that they purport to call into question. There is also a world that is subjectively knowable outside of rational thought and language and that can simply be 'referred' to as subjective awareness, which of course is yet another imputation, but it is an imputation that points to that which cannot ultimately be spoken of. Whatever this space is referred to as - God. Awareness, Emptiness, Buddha Nature, etc. all fall short of the direct experience beyond words. To rest in this space of awareness-knowingness beyond language is to give perspective juxtaposition to everything that can be named, described, imputed or thought including the idea of oneself or a world beyond oneself. Most importantly, to discover awareness beyond words illuminates the degree to which our experience is merely a construct of mind, and therefore the destructive emotions and suffering we experience must be said to exist only within those very constructs. The knowledge of ultimate reality beyond the constructs of language can therefore be the only way to ascribe limitless compassion for all beings - for it is a compassion for all those who suffer by needlessly and unknowingly create worlds of pain for themselves through mere imputation/designation without conscious intention. What is the use or function of imputed mental and language constructs at all then? It would follow that the use of constructs, literally, mental formations could be used to name material and immaterial forms (including language itself) to both understand our world as well as to bring the affective feeling of happiness as well as the cognitive satisfaction of knowingness. Alternatively how could mental and language formations be considered functional if they were used for the creation of pain and/or unhappiness? Simply, use mental and linguistic designates to create a world that you and (inferred) others would like to abide in happily - otherwise what would be the point of creating or constructing a world at all? Thanks for helping me learn to unite my trading with my outlook on life. Kind Regards, |
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I'd like you to consider taking your feelings about <wanting to figure it all out> to Tribe as an entry point. |
|||
| Feb 24, 2016 Tribe Meeting Report: Percolating Hello Ed I attended my first TT meeting ... this week. I was welcomed to the group and found it to be a very supportive environment. I went into the hot seat and talked about the difficulties that I had experienced with trading. I spoke very openly to a group of people that I had not met before but given the support and openness of the group this was not out of place. I was surprised at how I went into quite personal details of my trading performance and the levels of pain and angst that the performance or lack of has caused me. At the same time I have had good stretches of very consistent successful trading so it is not all bad. I do feel that the good has however been marred by what can only be described as sabotage. While I was not able to go very far that night I am sure that the beginning is the beginning of greater self knowledge and that is a good thing. While I say I did not go far on the night I was a bit speechless when I got home and that is not like me and I was spacey the next day till about lunch time so something is percolating away. Regards |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
| Feb 24, 2016 Controlling Emotions Hi Ed, Thank you for your reply. If you decide to go ahead with a workshop, I will put my name down. I would like to share with the trading tribe an experience I had today. A trade set up occurred today, which I took. I experienced many feelings throughout this trade and I made a conscious effort to experience my feelings. I noted them down.. An initial jolt in my mid chest as I executed the trade. After this a brief period of nothing Then some light butterflies below my chest, I focused on the feeling and then nothing - I thought that this may be the zero point. Later - intense butterflies just below my chest..a burning sensation through my wind pipe - these feelings occurred as I began thinking about potentially giving back half of my profits on the trade (should I stick to my rules). I decided to cut my profits early as I did not want to feel the pain of giving back half of my open profits. Had I stuck to my rules...I would have made a lot more. I guess in this instance I was unwilling to feel the fear / pain of being stopped out. I think I am unwilling to feel fear. And I judge fear as painful. Interestingly, I feel happy writing this and thinking about the experience, because I have found something to explore when I attend my first Tribe meeting. On another note, later in the day I expressed anger at a friend in public. It was basically a result of a build up of unresolved issues and my unwillingness to experience the feelings around these issues. I noticed that after this outburst I felt completely relaxed, even when I thought that I may have hurt her feelings (usually when I think I have hurt someone's feelings I feel tension in my gut). I've spoken to my partner about it and she says I'm rarely angry but when I am I just snap and it bursts out. I guess unwillingness to feel anger is something else to take into the Tribe. I also think I judge anger as bad because it shows that I cannot control my emotions. It's funny writing this now, because after spending some time on your website and thinking about my own experiences I realise trying to control emotions doesn't work. Thanks, |
Thank you for sharing your process. | |||
| Feb
23, 2016 One With the Market Hello Ed. Thank you very much for answere ... I have been investigating for more of 10 years about trading. The last year I discovered the end of trading. I wrote an article about it. My experience was I became one with the market, and I have not been able to repeat this experience again. I would like to know if you can help me, even if is just something you can tell me. Thank you again, |
Thank
you for raising this issue. Some people report occasional periods of "in the zone" or "at one with the markets" when their style happens to line up with the phase of the market. I'd like you to consider taking your feelings about <transcendent trading< and <discipline> to Tribe as entry points.
|
|||
| Feb
23, 2016 Wants a Mentor - Follow Up Ed, OK, I little about me. I am the only child from the middle class family. I have very good relationship with my parents. Life in Slovenia is not very romantic and we really encourage each other. It can sound like a cliché but my parents taught me that I have to work hard for my dreams. I‘ve got a work ethic from both of them. My mother has a PhD from food science and is classical theoretician who believes that knowledge is everything. On the other hand my father is practitioner who believes that practice is everything (however he is well educated). For my whole life I’ve tried to take the best out of both approach and I have to admit that I am more into practice. After I finished high school I started studying Law. Actually I wanted to study Economics but in Slovenia Faculty of Economics is a circus full of ancient professors who believe that profits are something bad and that companies should pay 99.9 % taxes. On the other side you have young professors who haven’t worked a second outside of Faculty and they are teaching about business. Yes, probably I should have left and started studying Economics in foreign country. I would say that my intelligence is average but I learn fast and work hard to achieve my dreams. I like to eat good food, especially steaks. Actually I am not very good cook but I like to eat well. You know “after a full belly all is poetry” (Frank McCourt). I really like potato and completely agree with A. A. Milne who once said: “What I say is that, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow. Which are my main goals? OK, I really am in love with trading. Actually I am in love with creating systems and solutions. I truly believe that I can achieve a success in this profession despite right now there is not much to show. So my first goal is to do what I want to do in my life - become successful investor. Secondly I really hate how many mutual and hedge funds are functioning. I am not a revolutionist but I care about people who risk hard earned money. It’s true that it’s their fault and no one forces them to invest in funds but still. Managers should act more responsibly and understand that they are often playing with people’s retirement money. There is always a risk when trading but there is no excuse for pure gambling and disastrous money management. I am not trying to tell that every fund and every manager is like this. But some of them are. So my goal is to create funds and help people to achieve returns which will enhance their lives. So that they will be able to buy a house, help their children to start their own family, or even leave their job and start pursuing their own dreams like I do. In Slovenia there are a lot of poor people because there are simply no jobs. In addition to this, young people don’t dare to dream big. I really hate this. So I want to set an example that there is possible to achieve a big success even if you are from Slovenia and encourage as many people as I can (not just from Slovenia) to take a future in their hands and start thinking more entrepreneurial and not count on State all the time. Quarterly I want to help people changing their lives. I am talking about paying bills for poor people, paying tuition for talented people and if I will have a company find talented people and give them an opportunity to learn from me and get a chance to shine. What have I already done for other people? - I have visited many charity concerts. - I have bought greeting cards (“Happy New Year”) from local charity club. - I have written a free e-book about trading tools (brokers, softwares, websites and so one) to help new traders. - I have tutored for free many schoolmates and helped them to pass the exams (especially Economy and Finance). - I will have a free lecture on Law Faculty about financial markets’ basics and trading (discussions with a professor about an event is in a final stage) - I taught some of my friends how to ski. - I used to recite poems to old people (in Slovenia we have some kind of “homes” for old people who can’t take care of themselves anymore). What I wish to accomplish through associating with mentor? Firstly I would like to say that I consider my trading as a serious business. It’s not my hobby and not a joke for me. It’s my passion and job at the same time. I can compare my trading with a start – up company and in my opinion any successful company is trying to get as much knowledge as they can in their field, especially in the beginning. So this is a first thing I wish to accomplish with a mentor. I am not talking just about trading knowledge (how the markets work). I would also like to observe every other aspect of a successful person (trader). For example, what’s his / her daily ritual, how to fight the stress, how to confront losses, how to divide time between business and family and so on. Please don’t understand me wrong. I don’t want to become a copy of someone but it’s perfect to see first – hand how a successful person navigate ship through life. Once you see behaviour you can evaluate it and if it’s positive try to incorporate it in your life. Secondly I want to get more confident about my trading. In last few years I created many strategies but I couldn’t stick with any of them. When hard times came I lost trust in strategy and find another one. Rinse and repeat. So I’ve been circulating for some time and then always end up with trend following. Now I am decided to stop this process and think that mentor is a solution for this because when I will see his / her confidence I believe that my confidence will rise immediately. Like you catch a cold, I will catch confidence. Thirdly I am only trading stocks. My plan is to expand my knowledge also to currencies and futures in general. I have basic knowledge which you can get from books. However I think that this is far from enough and that I still need a lot of practice. The last thing is that I would like to learn how to manage bigger amounts of money. As mentioned before my goal is to be a fund manager. Some pictures of me doing things I like: I like skiing. Sailing in Adriatic Sea. I like to play billiard and mini golf with my friends. Me (I’m in the middle) and my friends in Munich. Track record: I will be completely honest about it. My track record isn’t very spectacular. The first problem is that I didn’t trade regularly because when I lost a few times in a row, I stopped trading and went on simulate account for a few months. The second problem is that I was changing my trading styles many times and tried almost everything before I finally realized that trend following is the only way to make money consistently. Because of it my track of record is pretty messy. The third problem is that I changed my broker and therefore lost all my financial statements. However I have pretty good memory and remember some of my best and worst trades. If you want more detailed track record I can get in touch with Slovenian Tax Office and try to get more information. DAY TRADING: I also spent some time as a day trader. Actually I ended this journey in green but I hated day trading every second. I believe that the point of investing is that a capital is working for an investor and not investor for a capital. With a day trading it is inversely. As a day trader I was working for profits and jumping in and out. I didn’t allow the trend to evolve and consequently reward / risk wasn’t very good. |
Thank
you for sharing your process. I gather: 1. You dislike various kinds of people, such as: ancient professors; young professors; fund managers; young people who don't dream. 2. You like to develop systems and then have trouble sticking to them. 3. You figure that by hanging out with successful people, some of their virtues, such as confidence, might rub off on you. 4. You wish to help others by providing employment, good investments, direct financial help and a good example. I'd like you to consider forming a Tribe in your area - and then taking your feelings about <your relation to authority figures> and <your responsibility for running other people's lives> to your Tribe as entry points. |
|||
| Feb
23, 2016 China Buying Up American Companies Ed, This article seems to fit with your Govopoly theory. http://www.businessinsider.com/chinese- outbound-acquisitions-concerns-2016-2 |
Thank
you for sending me the link. From Govopoly, page 188: A New Boss Comes to Town If a system has no internal limits to control its growth, the environment surrounding the system applies limits sooner or later. At some point, our major trading partners, such as the Chinese, may say, "Enough!" and demand more dollars for their goods. They may also sell off U.S. government bonds and use that money to buy raw materials, manufacturing companies, gold and land in the U.S. At the extreme, they might conceivably acquire a controlling interest in the U.S. itself and establish control of the political system. |
|||
| Feb
23, 2016 Kick Start Ed, The item on Feb 22 about Trust and Infidelity triggers strong responses in me. I can remember myself as the guy in a mirror situation. I'd like to share my process. Looking back, I see my ex-relationship as all about comfort, companionship and sex. At first, I care very little about anything deeper. To me, a relationship provides occasional comfort. As the relationship goes along, we go to events with family and friends. I sometimes have problems with this when I have to act nice to a lot of people who have big problems – and, anyway, this distracts from basic comfort time. Meanwhile, I start to develop deeper feelings for my partner - sometimes viewing these as making me vulnerable. When the relationship has problems I don't know much about conflict resolution and I mostly resort to manipulations to get more sex to feel better – rather than to listening to what my partner wants. Bad move. This has the effect of further pushing her away – and confirming my views about unreliable women who run away and treat me coldly. We cuddle less and less and fight more and more. Caring about her complicates my feelings and compounds my problems. Eventually, after many cycles of drama and breaking up and getting back together and steadily decreasing comfort, I decide to exercise one of my threats and hook up outside of the relationship. Then I lie about it, to try to save the relationship. Really big mistakes. This winds up with everything in flames and it destroys trust and ends the relationship. So then I find myself without my best friend and companion, without our common friends and also without comfort. I miss her and reget my actions and want things to go back. I also think about finding a replacement partner - formerly, in my fantasies, so easy to find. No such luck. I just don't want to go there any more. I want her back and cannot get that to happen. I feel awful. Nothing seems to help. I slide into deep depression. Along with missing her, I curiously even miss the family-with-problems part of my relationship with her. I call up some of my Tribe members and friends and ask for help. I listen and take their advice and do processes. Through this work, I come to see some patterns of mine, some going back to my childhood, including feeling very lonely and not getting much attention from my parents except when I win contests and they get to show me off. Later, I start using sex to try to get affection and fight loneliness. Of course, I have to do it right rather than enjoy it. I wind up driving women away and them chasing them for affection - another echo from my childhood. I focus on sex rather than on relationship. I see all this and feel sick about it. I know I have a lot of work to do, likely part of a long process of rehabilitation. My friends and Tribe members tell me to celebrate my feelings. I feel a whirlpool of loneliness, despair and depression. I fear going in and never coming back. I fight it and they keep encouraging me. Then I give up trying to fight it and decide to go for it. Tribe experience helps a lot with this. I talk to my feelings, mostly in my throat and stomach, "OK, bring it on. I can handle loneliness and I prefer to meet it on my own terms, alone, and for as long as it takes." My friends continue encouraging me to go for it. The Old Healing Field of Acknowledgment. Some of them say they admire my courage. For me, courage or no, I have to do it to get my life back. Amazingly, as soon as I get willing to feel the feelings, they turn into allies and tell me their positive intention. For starters, I need to have a strong foundation for a relationship – and to stop the futile search for medicinal sex. I get confirmation for this when I start to feel stronger and the grief and depression start to lift a bit. I don't seem to crave medicinal sex anymore. Then, surprise! I see myself in a long-term commitment. I also see absolute loyalty as a natural part of how I operate. Straight away, the universe sends me a test of my resolve. A number of attractive women show up in rapid succession, wanting instant gratification. I smile to myself and thank the universe for this cosmic joke. I reply to them that while I no longer want pre-commitment sex, I would consider gradually getting to know them and to sort out if we have the basis for a long-term relationship. (Average response: "Right. Good luck with that. Call me when you cave and get horny.") I like my new outlook. I still feel a little shaky about it and I still grieve the results of my previous ways. I also feel much more peaceful. I know this path leads to something much better. I also know the path requires continuing vigilence and discipline. I recall reading many books on the benefits of delaying instant gratification and for going for long term commitment. I recall thinking of this advice as a recipe for boredom. I now see it as a plan for peacefulness. Something about finally confronting my own feelings of loneliness sets me free and lets me see things differently. I now see commitment as a central part of happiness - along with a close circle of friends and family and doing some form of community service and listening to my partner and responding accordingly. I see medicinal sex as a fast-track to drama and pain. I wish to thank my Tribe members and friends for supporting me in getting to these realizations. And I even wish to thank my ex-girlfriend for holding high standards and for starting me on this path by kicking my sorry ass out of her bed. |
Thank
you for sharing your process and your insights.
|
|||
| Feb
22, 2016 Hertford, U.K. Tribe Information Update Ed, good evening and I hope you are keeping well! I'm very pleased to say that our Hertford Tribe keeps meeting regularly since Dec. 2014 and we have beautiful feed-back, healings and breakthroughs. Would you kindly replace the Hertford form on the website with the attached one, as the contact email address changes. Many thanks! All the best to you. Blessings, |
Thank you for updating your information | |||
| Feb
22, 2016 More on Intentions and Results Hi Ed, I saw your response to my PS, and thank you. As the 39th day is upon us, sex crimes have surpassed witch hunt levels, so while I agree with you about your point about Oscar Wilde, and while it is key not to tease authority or harvest reprisals, a number of people now have been jailed for sexual preference or crimes which are victimless. For example, in the UK, a number of teenagers have had their lives ruined by having to sign sex offender registries. "Sexting" (sharing naked pics of each other) is common among teens and many younger generation in general, but if you are under the age of 18, that is child p*rn under UK law. Most teens are unaware of this law since age of consent in the UK is 16, so never had any intention of teasing authority. Nevertheless, many teens are now registered as sex offenders and wonder if they will even get a job after graduating college such as this 18 year old who wrote on reddit: "The story won't cut it because a lot of people are prejudiced. 18 year old boys [such as me] can have sex with 16yo girls but having pictures of their boobs is seen as p*rnographically criminal." - - - Ed writes: One way to land in jail involves teasing the authorities. This type of Intentions = Results pattern seems to appeal to people who like to work on authority and martyrdom issues. It is my deep understanding that in a few cases, what you write would apply, as one told authorities to eff-off for declaring half of his company as theirs on no legal grounds. He did this because why have to give away half of what you worked so hard for? But in hindsight, he realizes he should have cooperated with the CIA. However, in most other cases with the people I knew directly, they were young, brilliant, naive minds who were completely shocked when they found themselves in serious trouble with the law even though they had not technically broken any law. One medical pioneer was curing a number of those with debilitating illnesses. Another who's just 22 years old found cures for various cancers using certain ground breaking technologies. Another had his company that had found non-pharmaceutical cures for arthritis seized by authorities. The cures were then suppressed and never saw the light of day. Each was excited by his/her discoveries and only wanted to help others. I don't believe any of them had authority or martyrdom issues. In fact, they were quite naive about how government operates being non-political. They just loved their science. I wonder if you still feel they had authority issues or were just guilty of having too much unbridled enthusiasm for their discoveries. I've been witness to more and more of this type of persecution via big media and prosecution via authorities as the 39th day is upon us. And many still have no clue about we are in for. Thank you, |
Thank
you for extending these issues. I agree that these naive students do not appear to have authority or martyrdom issues. They appear to have naivety issues.
|
|||
| Feb
22, 2016 Tribe Meeting Report: Trust and Infidelity Ed, My entry point to the hot seat was Trust and Infidelity. I had no idea where it would go, and if anything would come from it. I couldnt put a link between Trust/Infidelity and how I got to where I allowed myself to be today- in my mind I thought a lack of trust would encourage infidelity. Instead my complete trust in someone and my current strategy of dealing with someone's anger and ignoring indicators was the reason it all escalated to an extreme situation. The process manager started asking me questions about how I felt in a recent situation where trust was challenged. I felt embarrased and shame and angry for the behaviour of somebody else. As I got into the hot seat and feeling the feelings, all I could see - my parents in violent arguments and trying to stop them or remove any objects that could be used to inflict pain. During the process I remembered I had a similar scenario in a previous Rocks Process and was a little disappointed because I thought that the last Rocks Process was a success. While the last Rocks Process addressed one issue (my mother protecting me) - there was another layer there that this new hot seat uncovered. As a child in primary school I wasn't 'old enough' or 'physically tall enough' to stand between them to protect my mother. Yet. So I adopted my mother's approach: trying to keep the peace and not providing any reason to make my father angier than he already was: being out of sight staying silent never questioning accepting his behaviour and hoping 'it will be over soon' and everything will go back to normal. When he felt he was right, the world was a safer peaceful place. In the last hot seat the issue was more about 'why' my mother would say "Is this how you will be with your husband?" when I tried to protect her by distracting my father so he would pick on me instead. I was physically taller by then and it felt easier to take the abuse than watch it be done to someone else, because even being a child and feeling scared, for some reason I felt stronger than my mother. I am grateful that the Tribe members helped me connect my current strategy/behaviour in my relationship to how I got to my current situation of trust/infidelity. Before the hot seat, I couldnt understand where and when in my personal relationship my boundary was crossed - I wanted to understand how I could have defined a 'stop loss' on the relationship when it was clearly getting too risky and I was feeling too uncomfortable and why I ignored my insticts where my indicators said 'something is not right' and to get out. I had never been in this situation before, so I chose to ignore my insticts and decided that things always come out in the end, and to ignore my indicators until it all was so obvious that it all blew up in my face (absolute 100% proof). At the '100% proof' stage, I had no problems to kick into 'you crossed my boundary and this is over', but there was enough evidence and scenarios in the previous years leading up to trigger an exit that I chose to ignore. I didnt need the 100% proof to get out of this 'bad highly risky/volatile investment'. I felt uncomfortable about so many situations and my boyfriend's reaction to them, and it was not a safe stable relationship to start a family, and that was enough reason to exit. I had the logic that unless I had 100% evidence of an event occurring (infidelity, lies), it wasnt on my mind to assume it was even going on, even if I was feeling uncomfortable and ignoring my instincts. I operated on the basis of unless it was proven, I could not deduce anything with certainty to act upon, and I didn't want to engage in any form of investigating. If someone was offended and angry at my questions, then they must be telling the truth and their feelings given priority (as my mum did to my dad). While I didnt adopt my mother's approach entirely of accepting the anger and never questioning - I questioned but it was received with offence, and anger was sent my way. It was at this point I adopted my mother's approach and took his word as truth to not 'cause problems' or 'encourage more anger'. My new rock is " If I feel uncomfortable or unsafe, then I can consider my boundary crossed". This works for me because I don't feel uncomfortable or unsafe out of some feeling of insecurity or 'invented irrational feeling of being unsafe'. So the 'boundary crossed' scenario will not trigger unnecessarily in my life events. One day I want my own family and in a stable environment - I do not want to create the same coping strategy and dynamic that my father and mother had. |
Thank
you for sharing your process. In healthy relationships, the partners generally encourage each other, on an on-going basis, to share their feelings, thoughts, desires, goals and discomforts. They stay ever-vigilant in measuring the health of the relationship. People generally like to share their joys, not so much their discomforts. If you inhibit sharing your discomforts or if you resist receiving those of your partner, the pressure to express these discomforts can express in ways deeply painful to both parties. If the relationship has a strong enough core of commitment, it might occasionally include such pain as an opportunity for growth. The partners might then capitalize the pain toward finding better ways to operate the relationship. Typically, however, the partners continue withholding their feelings - and actively block each other from sharing discomfort by invalidating each other. This tends to compound the pain and, eventually, to destroy the relationship. The parties separate and then as individuals, they start over with new partners - only to wind up in the same situation again and again. Ideally, people might approach relationships gradually, making an effort to align on the meaning of right livelihood, including {children; career; community building; public service; conflict resolution}. When people jump quickly into relationships to medicate desires such as for sex or for companionship or for children they may miss the opportunity to create, pro-actively, a lasting, growthful, productive and joyous life for both parties. You might consider taking your feelings about <sharing and receiving discomfort> and <testing for livelihood compatibility> to Tribe as additional entry points.
|
|||
| Feb
21, 2016 Amsterdam Tribe Listing Update Dear Ed, Hereby attached, an updated TTID for the Amsterdam Tribe. I wonder if you might consider updating the Tribe Directory accordingly. |
Thank you for updating your Trading Tribe Information Document. | |||
| To Top of Page |
